209.

Noah returned home from his Wednesday afternoon with Sarah with huge news. After tossing his backpack aside and saying quick hellos to the twins, he climbed on a stool at the island and told his parents about the following weekend's charity softball tournament. "There's a police team!" Noah exclaimed, "And you know what they're raising money for? For PUPPIES! G said there's gonna be lotsa puppies there b'cause they need 'doption or they need money so da people at da shelters can feed 'em and get 'em their medicine! So," he rested his forearms on the granite, "You wanna play?"

Ed and Olivia looked at each other and then at Sarah.

"G says there's room on the police team," Sarah said.

"Yeah!" Noah said, "And she gave Sare Bear da number of da Captain." Noah giggled, "It's another Captain, not you, Daddy."

"Well I'll give him a call then and see if they need our help," Ed smirked at Olivia, "You up for it?"

"Sure. We can dust off the gloves and throw the ball around tomorrow while Maggie and Wyatt are at school." Ed raised his eyebrows playfully. Olivia chuckled and swatted at his chest. There was absolutely no subject Ed failed to turn into a way to flirt with her.

Olivia turned her attention back to Noah, "What did you do today?"

"We hadta go back to Sare Bear's office 'cause she forgot her computer," Noah sighed.

"Guilty." Sarah interjected, her arms raised.

"Then I saw da statue, so we went there on da boat."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh, but we skipped Ellis Island 'cause we got hungry. So we had dumplings after and then went to see Pearl and Justy and then we saw G!"

"What a nice day," Olivia said. "How was school?"

"It was good. Oh," Noah ran back to the foyer and returned with a flyer which he handed to Olivia, "Dat's for da fall festival. Everrthing is 'bout fall right now! In science we're learning 'bout leaves and then we're writing poems about fall and reading stories about fall and in history we're learning about Diginess People's Day and da Lenape again, but more about 'em this time."

"Whoa," Ed replied, "That's some heavy stuff."

"Yeah," Noah sighed.

"Well, whatever wrongs were done to the Lenape we'll make up for by playing in this charity softball tournament for puppies," Ed said breezily.

"Dad! The two are hardly comparable!"

"Maybe not," Ed said with a shrug, "But I can't do anything about the Lenape. We can help save some puppies."

"We're goin' to da Lenape Center on Staten Island," Noah said, "It's a field trip. You wanna come, Daddy?"

"Yes," Sarah answered for him, "Daddy would love to chaperone."

"Yeah, sure," Ed murmured, "How do I sign up?"

"I'll tell my teacher."

"I'm sure it's been emailed," Olivia added in a teasing tone. The mental image of Ed herding a group of second graders through a museum gave her a great deal of joy, "I'll make sure you have a chaperone slot."

"Thanks."

"Alright, well, my work here is done," Sarah said. "Twinsies! Hugs and kisses!" She smothered Maggie and Wyatt with affection and gave Noah a hug. "I'll see you this weekend. Even if you're not playing, I told Noah I'd take him."

"Oh, we'll go for sure," Olivia said. "At the very least we'll go and make a donation for the puppies."

"And, by proxy, to the Lenape," Sarah joked.

"According to Ed, yes," Olivia said, "For the Lenape."

…

Caroline eyed Sofia as she dumped soda bread ingredients into a well-used mixing bowl. Two-year-old Sofia Angelina Carisi happily occupied herself with a set of cloth dolls that had been in the family forever and various plastic bowls spilling from an open cabinet. Brooke came into the kitchen, smiled at the mess, and hoisted herself onto the counter like she'd done so many times over the years. The galley kitchen, with its olive green cabinets, tile countertops, and mismatched appliances badly needed renovation, but Caroline refused the direct and indirect pleas and hints occasionally tossed her way.

"What's the occasion?" Brooke asked only because she noticed Caroline making at least a triple batch.

"Funeral," Caroline said, "Bill Baker died."

Brooke had no clue about the deceased but assumed he or his wife was one of the many church members Caroline had grown close to over the years. "That's nice of you."

"His wife's in my card club," Caroline explained and confirmed Brooke's assumption. "Poor thing. He went into the hospital three weeks ago with headaches and now he's dead."

"Cancer?"

"Yes."

"Scary," Brooke sighed. "One minute everything's okay and then you have a headache and you get a death sentence."

"Makes one not want to seek medical attention for anything," Caroline muttered, "I'd rather just, one day, go rather than make a huge fuss."

"Well, I'm glad you finally went to the doctor for you—"

"—fatigue, Brooke," Caroline said sharply, "When you're my age, you get tired more quickly, especially after all nighters in Atlantic City."

Brooke laughed and rolled her eyes, "I'm sure you didn't pull all nighters when you were there."

"Close." Caroline rummaged around in another cabinet for her bread pans, greased them, and poured the batter. "Now, I need to plan so I'm glad you're here. Your Dad's birthday is soon and so is yours," she said with a twinkle in her eye, "What's happening with that?"

"I don't know," Brooke said, "I kind of wish Sonny and I could have a night out, just the two of us, but I don't want to plan my own birthday."

"You have a nosy grandmother who will give him a call. You deserve some romance, dearie. I'll give him a little nudge."

Brooke didn't object. Sonny could be tone deaf at times, and he would take a call from Caroline seriously. It would be amusing for him, but everyone listened when Caroline spoke, Sonny included. "Romance is still a thing?" Brooke asked, pathetically attempting a joke.

"You must always have romance in your marriage. It doesn't have to be anything fancy or expensive all the time, but you have to have those little romantic things…keeps it exciting. Your Grandpa and I had them right up until the day he died."

The agony on Caroline's face broke Brooke's heart. It had been several years since she lost her husband, but the pain never went away, it only became more bearable. "What did he do?" Brooke asked.

"He kissed my hand," Caroline replied, "Five minutes later he was gone. But he had enough strength and presence of mind to grab my hand and give me that one last kiss."

"Gosh," Brooke gasped.

"That was my Jimmy." Caroline glanced at a photo of them that had been pinned to the fridge by a magnet for as long as Brooke could remember. It was slightly out of focus, but their smiles exuded pure joy.

"Where was that?" Brooke nodded at the photo.

"The McMurtry's apartment," Caroline replied, "We had just moved here but all our friends were back in the old neighborhood and we went there almost every weekend to play cards."

Brooke pictured a very loud, probably inebriated foursome sitting around a folding card table amid clouds of cigarette smoke and smiled wistfully. It reminded her of a scene from a movie she couldn't remember, but the simplicity of it all—friends gathering for fun and games on a Saturday night, filled her with nostalgia for a time she wasn't old enough to have experienced but somehow still missed.

"Did they think you were snobs for moving out to the suburbs?"

"Nope," Caroline replied, "We supported each other back then, Brookey. They were proud of us. We were proud of ourselves. And they looked to us for advice on saving, on mortgages, that kind of thing. So many of us were living paycheck to paycheck, scraping by for so long, it took a while to save up, but we did it and inspired everyone else. And, this isn't exactly the suburbs," Caroline added with a wink, "The 1-Train is a couple blocks away!"

Brooke laughed, "I think your distance estimator is off, but I get it."

"And I can get Chinese delivery just as fast as you."

"When's the last time you got Chinese delivery?"

"Last week," Caroline raised her eyebrows, "What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Brooke said, still chuckling, "I, um, I guess it never crossed my mind that you would order delivery."

Caroline crouched and peered into the oven. She nodded approvingly and straightened up, stepping around Sofia to the cabinet where she stored her gin. "Cocktail?"

"No thanks…I have to take Sof to gymnastics in a little bit."

Caroline glanced at the toddler and back to Brooke, "I'm not suggesting we give Sofia any. Are you the one tumbling?"

"No, I'm the one driving."

"Well then," Caroline snagged a tumbler with her long, thin fingers, "More for me."

…..

The sports bar was an unusual suggestion coming from Barba, but Olivia went along, happy the location was close to Ed's apartment where she planned to stop for a bit if time allowed. Barba was in a cranky mood, he'd been in one since the conclusion of the Farhidi case a week ago. All of the players irritated him in one way or another, mostly because something stupid like teaching a flaky wife a lesson wasted time and resources that could have been better spent elsewhere. "We should sue them," he muttered into his whiskey.

"That's what Tucker said."

Barba raised his eyebrows, "Tucker?"

Flustered, Olivia swatted at her hair and attempted to walk back the slip. "Yes, Tucker. He's been, well, I might as well tell you, he's strongly suggesting I register for the Lieutenant's Exam."

"You should," Barba replied. A promotion for Benson was a no-brainer in his mind. "Why'd it take Tucker's advice to get you to do it? He threaten your shield if you didn't?"

"Sort of," Olivia replied, "He thinks they want a Lieutenant in my office, so, if it's going to stay my office, I need to do this."

"You deserve it and you're worthy, Liv," Barba replied with utmost sincerity. "And I'm sure you'll be at the top of the list."

"Thanks."

Sensing he was too cantankerous for Benson's liking, Barba asked for the check when the bartender returned and the two colleagues went their separate ways on the street. After a call to Lucy, Olivia sent a text to Ed and he gallantly met her at the entrance to his building. There was no doorman and the rickety elevator could be quirky and unpredictable, so he wasn't taking any chances. He ushered her inside and up to his apartment before daring to kiss her. She smiled and kicked the door closed behind her.

"Well, the cat was almost out of the bag," she said.

"Huh?" Ed's arms were still around her waist and he gazed at her with a concerned smirk.

"With Barba just now," she said, "He suggested we sue the Farhidis, and, without thinking at all, I blurted out that you said the same thing. But I rebounded with a pretty good save."

"I'll bet ya did." Ed grinned, "So, Barba and I have something in common, huh?"

"I guess you do."

"Can I take your coat? Want a drink or something? I have wine…leftover Chinese."

"Leftover Chinese?"

"Maybe not that." Ed kissed her again and felt the hunger in her touch and in her body, so he amped up the effort and kissed her until they were both struggling for air.

"I don't…" Olivia half-gasped, "Have a lot of time. I promised Lucy…she'd have an early night tonight."

"Yeah, sure," Ed said softly.

"What were you doing?"

"Oh, uh," Ed stepped aside and led her into the kitchen, "I was actually writing the last check I'll ever have to write to the University of Pennsylvania."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep. Last one's graduating."

"Congratulations," Olivia said, grinning broadly, "What a great feeling."

"Now I just need to make sure she doesn't come running back here to live with me for six months or a year while she gets her life together." He watched for Olivia's reaction and held up his hands, "I kid. Well, sort of. She has a job lined up in Philadelphia, but I'm sure she'll end up back here eventually."

"Your older one's here, right?"

"Yeah, up in the Bronx."

"What are you gonna do with all that extra money?"

Ed shrugged and smiled proudly, "I don't wanna sound like I'm bragging, but, both my girls had pretty decent scholarships. We didn't end up breaking the bank for either of them and they don't have loans. Got lucky. But, you're right, there's some cash out there for a rainy day."

Olivia leaned forward on her elbows. She saw Ed's checkbook—it was another mundane part of his life that fascinated her. The Ed Tucker she used to know never seemed like he could be bothered by something so pedestrian as writing checks and paying bills.

"I have all of this fun in front of me," she murmured.

"Yeah ya do."

"I am not ready for him to grow up."

"You have a lot of time. A lot of milestones to hit. A lot of," Ed shot her the classic version of his smirk, "Paychecks to sock away."

"Are you saying my kid won't get scholarships?"

"Nope. Sayin' kids are expensive. I got a lot of 'Daddy I spent this month's money already can you send me some' and of course the month had just started."

Olivia chuckled.

"Maybe I shoulda made them get jobs."

"Ah, they have their whole lives to work."

"Yeah, s'pose so." Ed reached down into the island cabinet and produced a bottle of bourbon. "I know ya can't stay long, but, one drink?"

"Sure."

He poured two servings and raised his glass. "Cheers to two of two out of college and out of my hair," Ed said, "Well, probably not out of my hair, but you get the point."

"Cheers," Olivia replied, "And congratulations again. One day I'll know how this feels."

Ed beamed and raised his glass again. "Yes you will."

…..

The pleasant fall weather continued into the weekend of the charity softball tournament, and the sun shone brightly over the city and the Central Park ball fields. Olivia gazed at the buildings standing stout over the tree line and took a few minutes to appreciate the beauty of where she'd lived her whole life. The beach house was the perfect getaway and for it she was eternally grateful, but the city would always be home. The moment of solitude did not last long, though. People milled about everywhere—there were volunteers from the local pet rescue agencies, the players themselves, spectators, members of the media, and, of course, her three children fawning over two yellow labs who closely resembled Pearl.

The real Pearl was having trouble containing herself, and Justin was barely able to control her as she barked, jumped, and darted from person to person and dog to dog. "He's gonna have to take her somewhere else for a timeout," Sarah murmured at one point.

Olivia had been willing to play in the game, but she didn't want to burden Sarah or Brooke with child supervision so she set up folding chairs and a blanket and sat back and enjoyed the day while keeping an ever watchful eye on the kids and Ed who looked exceptionally handsome in his jersey, shorts, and ball cap. When Ed signed up for the team sponsored by NYPD, he reunited with a few old acquaintances and he was with them now, shooting the shit in a semicircle, watching younger teammates warm up as if they were playing in the World Series.

Wyatt came running over from a few feet away. There was a small grass stain on his khaki shorts and a smudged paw print on his t-shirt. He went right for the insulated tote bag and pulled out a bottle of water. "Open, peese, Mama?"

Olivia twisted off the cap and handed the bottle back, "Here you go sweetie."

"Thanks," Wyatt gasped after he'd taken his first sip. A few drops dribbled down his chin and he caught them with his wrist. "Lotsa doggies."

"I know! Aren't they cute?"

"I tay'one home?"

"Nope," Olivia said cheerfully, "But you can play with Pearl whenever you want!"

Wyatt whirled around, trying to spot Pearl. He finally caught sight of Justin off in the distance. The leash was taut and Pearl was on her hind legs, fighting hard to keep pursuing whatever it was that had piqued her interest. Wyatt giggled and pointed at the sight. "Puhl runnin'way!"

"She's trying! I wonder what she sees?"

"Proll'a'bunny!"

"I bet you're right."

"Mommy!" Noah shouted and ran over with Maggie in tow, "They have ice cream sandwiches over there for dogs and people!"

"Oh wow! Should we get one for Pearl?"

"And for us?" Noah asked with a grin.

"And for us," Olivia said. She saw Justin dragging Pearl closer, "Why don't you go tell Justy to come here and we'll have our treat before the game starts."

"Kay. C'mon, babies, let's go get Justy and Pearl!"

Maggie immediately took Noah's hand. Justin was getting closer and was maybe thirty feet away. He was close enough to realize he was being summoned. Wyatt's eyes warily drifted from Justin to Olivia and back again.

"C'mon, Wyatt!" Noah implored.

"I think he's going to stay here with me," Olivia said, "Go ahead. I'm watching." She held out her arms for Wyatt, "Want to sit here with me?"

Wyatt nodded and plopped down in her lap. He giggled when Maggie jumped on Noah and Maggie, sending them staggering backwards. "Puhl's hyper!"

"She sure is," Olivia said, "I'm sure an ice cream will help."

Wyatt giggled more, as if he understood the sarcasm and Olivia kissed his head. "I love you, Wyatt Edward," she cooed.

He squirmed and contorted his body so he could see his mother's face and mumbled something Olivia couldn't quite make out because his fist was in his mouth.

"What's that honey?"

"Yerastah," he said, a little louder this time.

"I'm a star," Olivia repeated in a whisper. Wyatt grinned, nodded, and curled back into Olivia's lap where he would remain for a while. After eating his ice cream sandwich, Wyatt fell asleep, and there were few more precious sights in the park that afternoon than the youngest Tucker boy snoozing away peacefully while dogs barked and bats clanged all around him.

…..

Noah carefully steered the Tucker family SUV into the parking garage and slowly, very slowly, proceeded to the lower level and their dedicated spot. He stared doubtfully at the "Low Clearance" sign even though he knew they would have plenty of room. From the driver's seat, it appeared that the top of the truck was sure to scrape the concrete beams above. Nevertheless, he proceeded forward with caution and managed to park without incident.

"Don't tell mom I let you drive home," Ed warned. He had been relaxed all afternoon during the driving lesson. They started in the normal spot—a suburban high school parking lot—and did some road practice in the surrounding neighborhoods. Then, to Noah's shock, Ed suggested he drive them back into the city, something Olivia had not specifically banned but certainly would not have approved.

Noah nodded and tossed Ed the keys.

"You alright?" Ed asked, jostling Noah a bit as they left the garage on foot. Noah had been rigid and hyper-focused on the way back and still seemed tense.

"Yeah," his chest inflated as he took two deep breaths, "That was nerve wracking."

"You'll get used to it."

"I don't know about that."

Ed squinted at his usually-confident son. "You don't have to do it again," he said, "You don't even have to get your license if you don't want to."

"I want to," Noah said, "I need to have it eventually…" Not having a driver's license had most recently bothered Noah over the summer in Delaware when he had to rely on his parents or one of the other adults to take him anywhere other than their neighborhood. He valued his independence, and though he hadn't been miserable during the summer, he had been dejected at not being able to take Maggie and Wyatt to one of the neighboring towns' attractions. Back in the city, he announced it was time he get his license, and Ed started taking him for lessons the very next weekend.

"You're ready for the road test in my opinion," Ed said, "You're a good driver, bud. You'll get more and more comfortable. And it's in the Bronx near where we've been practicing, so it'll be familiar territory."

Noah nodded and felt his nerves get back to normal. His Dad always had a way of making everyone feel like everything was going to be okay. He was able to downplay concerns and soothe worries without being condescending or diminishing whatever it was that was bothering one of the kids or Olivia.

"Did you have a lot of high speed chases when you were a cop?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, a few," Ed replied, "Your adrenaline gets pumping and you just react, ya know? But there was one, the most memorable, it wasn't high speed but we were surveilling this guy, must have been for drugs, and it was slow speed all the way out to Sayville. So that took some mettle…and some luck."

"Whoa…what about Mom?"

"She's had her fair share, too." Ed grinned and lowered his voice, "But the best chase? She was on foot and took out this guy at the end. It was pretty impressive. I might still have the video somewhere."

"Oh, man, I want to see."

Ed chuckled, "I'll see what I can do."

"Are you gonna tell Mom?"

"About driving back or about the video?"

"The video."

"Yeah, I better, don't like keeping things from your mother."

"But the driving?"

"Well, uh, I'll think about it," Ed said with a smirk, "Have to be careful with these things, weigh the pros and cons, but, yeah, most of the time, I tell her everything. It's better that way, trust me."

Noah nodded. His mind was filled with bits and pieces of advice from both his Mom and Dad, but he appreciated how his Dad always made it a point to help him become a good man. Even at this young age he had learned relationships could be confusing, and these conversations helped him navigate both friendships and more-than-friendships. And, when he didn't know what to do, Noah was completely comfortable asking. So many of his friends had fathers and mothers who seemed to parent from an emotional distance, but Noah had the opposite and as he got older he became more and more grateful that they made sure to be one-hundred percent present in their children's lives.

…..

Noah was in his element.

When he wasn't passing out water bottles or arranging bats against the chain link fence, he was cheering for the players and darting back and forth from the NYPD team bench to the puppy pens. Maggie shadowed him for a while, but even she got tired after a while and busied herself by picking grass bouquets which she ceremoniously presented to everyone she knew and a few people she didn't. When that project grew boring, she began covering Pearl with the blades of grass, announcing, "Issa BLANKET!"

When Noah heard his sister's shout, he glanced over, smiled and shook his head, and quickly turned his attention back to the game. Ed was up at bat and he desperately wanted his Daddy to get a good hit. He watched two outside pitches drop, and, on the third, whacked the ball into left field. By the time the relay made it to the pitcher, Ed was standing on second base. Noah jumped up and down clapping his hands. "GOOD HIT DADDY!" He whirled around to make sure Olivia was watching—she was—and he called out to remind Ed there were two outs. Noah was so locked in to the game that he jerked when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and, seeing G, broke into a huge grin.

"G!"

"Hi Noah! I didn't mean to startle you, sorry!"

"'S'alright," Noah said without the least bit of self-consciousness, "This is a good game, G! It's tied up!"

"I know! Are you nervous?"

"Nah," Noah said, "I wish I could play."

"Maybe next year."

"Yeah," Noah replied, "Are you workin' like you were for da benefit?"

"Yes, but this is a little more casual. That means—"

"—relaxed," Noah finished for her, "Nobody in dresses an' tuxedoes!"

"Nope. Not yet."

Noah giggled and deftly switched subjects, "Whatcha gonna be for Halloween?"

"I don't know," G said, "I don't usually dress up."

"You should."

"What are you going to be?"

"I don't know but Mommy said we haveta brainstorm next week 'cause it might take a long time to get da costume. You know brainstorming?"

"Yep! I love a good brainstorm."

"Yeah—GO! GO DADDY!"

Noah pumped his fists in the air as Ed rounded third base and crossed home plate a second or two before the throw arrived from the outfield. He slapped hands with a few teammates, waved at Noah, and, seeing G was there with him, waved again.

"Well, Noah, I have to go check on some things for the little ceremony at the end of the game," G said. She looked over her shoulder at Olivia and the twins, making sure she wasn't leaving him too alone. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Kay! Oh, hey, G?"

"Yeah?"

"Did ya get enough money from da game for da dogs?"

"I think we did," she replied with a reassuring smile.

Noah let out a relieved sigh, "Good. I have more in a secret spot in my room if you need it."

The sincerity in his voice nearly brought G to tears. "Thank you, Noah," she said, swallowing a lump in her throat, "I'll let you know."

Noah replied with a happy-go-lucky, "Okie dokie," and trotted back to the sidelines. G took a deep breath, refocused, and wished everyone were as kind as her seven-year-old friend.

…..

Ed groaned as he pulled himself up from the couch and he moved gingerly around the living room, turning off lights and adjusting the thermostat. In the kitchen, Olivia smiled and filled them each a glass of water. Leaving the under-cabinet lighting on, they made their way back to the bedroom and Ed groaned again when he flopped onto the bed.

"You gonna make it?" Olivia asked.

"In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have stretched that double into a triple."

"Or attempted a diving catch."

"Or that."

Olivia rolled over and kissed him. "It was a valiant effort, though. You looked good."

"And now I look like an idiot."

"No you don't."

"I can't move."

"Is it your back? Do you want a massage? Here," Olivia turned him over onto his stomach and straddled him. She rubbed his shoulders and upper back until she felt his muscles relax and heard his breathing get heavier. "Have I put you to sleep?"

"Yes," he murmured into the pillow.

"Okay." Olivia turned off the lamp on her side of the bed and cuddled up next to him. "You'll feel better in the morning, well, actually, you probably won't, but I'll be here to help get you from one room to the other."

Ed's body shook with laughter. "You're the best, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think I should reply to Stabler's email?"

"You're still thinking about that?"

"You're not?"

"No, Ed, I'm not. Elliot thinks he can ignore me for years and then bounce back into our lives? No. That's not the way this is going to work. He needs help, Ed, probably in more ways than we know, and we're not therapists. Whatever is causing him to…act the way he did that night the two of us met for drinks…and then send you this letter…it's not our problem."

"You don't want answers? You don't want to know why he left and never reached out?"

"I think he's trying to tell us why," Olivia said. "In a very…pathetic way…but he's trying. If you want to write back, write back, but don't do it because you think it's somehow going to help me, because it won't. Elliot is trying to survive right now and he's grasping at anything he possibly can to feel right again. I'm sure that's what's happening."

Ed reached over and stroked her face. "You are too lovely for words," he said softly, "I don't know how you keep finding grace and compassion, but it keeps showing up, and it makes me love you even more. I'm the luckiest man alive."

Olivia smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. "Thank you," she whispered. "I'm pretty lucky, too."

"But you're married to an old, sore man."

Olivia chuckled and shrugged. "He's tough," she said, "And still pretty cute, so…yes, still lucky."

Ed smiled and puckered his lips for another kiss. "You wanna find a babysitter one night this week and go out? Just the two of us?"

"Yes."

"In a couple days, I need to make sure I'm fully recovered."

"Are you starting to milk this?"

"Maybe a little."

Olivia smiled, "I'll take care of you," she said, "Always. For as long as it takes."

"I know you will."

…

#Tuckson