212. (Sorry for the delay—I went on a mini vacation and work is freaking exhausting.)

Ed smashed his face into Olivia's neck so she would shiver when he started talking and continued the role play. "I think IAB can overlook this recent complaint, Benson," he droned into her skin which smelled like her fruity face wash.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked in an extra solicitous voice, "I wouldn't want to walk out on a debt I haven't paid."

Ed put both arms around her and squeezed. "I don't think you're goin' anywhere."

"No," Olivia cooed, looking up at him with wide, desirous eyes, "No I'm not."

After smiling and kissing the tip of her nose, Ed said, "Olivia Margaret Benson, will you marry me?"

Olivia laughed. "Are we still in character? Because you're jumping the gun a little."

"I am? After the night we just had?"

"Well," Olivia bit her lip, "I could get used to this on a regular basis." She sighed contentedly. "I love being in your arms, Ed Tucker."

"And I love you being in them."

They wrapped themselves in another long, slow kiss. Olivia could feel him concentrating on getting it perfect-it was the same technique he'd used the first few times they'd kissed like this. It was as if Ed believed, truly believed, Olivia would run out on him if each kiss wasn't as good, if not better, than the previous one. It was obvious Ed would rather be banished to a life amid hellfire and misery than disappoint her.

Eventually the kiss ended and they fell asleep together, in the middle of the mattress like always. Ed didn't want to move, so the side table lamps stayed on most of the night. He woke up around four and turned everything off, smirking when he returned from the bathroom and saw his wife had stretched out and taken up most of the space on the bed. He slithered in next to her, gingerly moving an arm and gently nudging one of her legs with his foot. She sniffed, stirred, sensed his presence, and smiled.

"Is it morning?" She asked.

"No, not yet," Ed whispered.

Olivia mumbled something unintelligible and burrowed back into Ed's body.

Goddamn, he thought, if I'm not the luckiest man in the entire world, I don't know who is.

…..

It was raining on the morning of the planned family rooftop get together. A steady downpour settled over the city and refused to let up, and Ed and Olivia batted around alternate plans for their dinner. Though it was a bit of a bummer, Olivia admitted she kind of liked the dreary atmosphere. She took great pride in how the apartment looked at dusk, and she was able to enjoy the same kind of light for several hours rather than fifteen or twenty minutes. The kids stayed in their pajamas until Wyatt started pulling on his shirt and ran over to Olivia to ask to change clothes.

Ed cracked up. Noah was a fastidious dresser, but not even he was anxious to get out of his sleepwear. Wyatt, apparently, wanted some semblance of getting on with the day.

"Let's get dressed, sweetheart," Olivia said to Wyatt while simultaneously shooting Ed a playful mom-glare, "What should we wear on this rainy day?" It was a rhetorical question, but Wyatt indicated he wanted a blue shirt and darted into his room and grabbed a navy polo from the closet. Minutes later he was back in the living room wearing khakis, the shirt, and Sperrys.

"He looks like he's ready to go to his first day of classes in the Ivy League," Ed remarked.

"Yes he does," Olivia said, "So handsome." She watched Wyatt skip back over to his siblings, tug on his clothes again, and tell them he got dressed. Noah and Maggie gave him a quick glance and smile but didn't seem interested in following suit. Olivia chuckled. "Poor kid…he's ready to get the day going."

"Makes one of us," Ed murmured.

Olivia rested her arm on the back of the couch, "You're cute when you're lazy," she said, "And I don't see you lazy very often, sir."

Ed let his eyelids droop. "Ya don't, do ya?"

"No." Olivia leaned in for a kiss. "I wonder if Wyatt thinks he's going to school."

"Yeah, it's funny to think about," Ed replied, "Like, when do they get a grasp on the weekends? When did Noah get it?"

"I think maybe Kindergarten?"

"Yeah…right now school isn't really school. It's three hours of structured play followed by six hours of unstructured play."

"Not a bad life."

"Not at all." Ed played with her fingers and twirled her rings, "So…we're gonna do the steaks, right?"

"Yes," Olivia smiled at the thought of the very expensive, organic, special Green Market steaks he and Noah were so proud of purchasing, "Of course we are. We can broil them?"

"Yeah."

"It'll be good to have everyone here."

"Yup." Ed eyed Maggie and Wyatt who darted into their room and reappeared with two pillows from their beds. "Whaddya doin you two?" He asked.

"Pi'ow fight," Maggie replied matter-of-factly and with an expression that suggested she felt Ed should have known better than to ask. She blew a stream of air upward to release a few strands of hair from her eyelashes.

Olivia opened her mouth to object, but Ed patted her arm and jumped to his feet. "Pillow fight, huh?" He said in a tough-guy voice. "I'm playing, too."

"Dada PI'OW fight?" Maggie asked, grinning.

"Yep," Ed picked up a throw pillow. "Let's go."

Stunned the fight was allowed to proceed, Noah froze. Ed gently swung the pillow at Maggie, knocking her into Olivia, who sent her flying back to Ed. Wyatt came to his sister's rescue and whacked Olivia's thigh. He giggled, waiting for Olivia's response, and she and Ed started relaying the twins back and forth between them. Finally, Noah ran to get a pillow of his own. The pillow fight traveled when the twins took off for the master bedroom and Ed and Olivia took turns flipping the kids onto the mattress.

At one point, Wyatt stood up, put his hands on his hips, crinkled his forehead, and asked, "Where da fea'ers?"

Immediately understanding the confusion, Noah cracked up. "It was on da cartoon," he said! "They had a pillow fight and feathers went all over!"

"No feathers, Wyatt Edward," Olivia said.

"Oh'eee on c'toons?" Wyatt asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes, sweetie," Olivia wrapped him in a bear hug. Those blue eyes of his were so innocent, so trusting, and they simultaneously warmed and broke her heart. The breaking part because, at some point in his life, Wyatt was going to experience some sort of suffering and she was sure, of all her kids, he would have the toughest time weathering life's storms.

"Phew," Noah said at one point and wiped his brow, "This is a workout! Hey! Daddy! We don't do da workout anymore!"

"Mommy and I workout when you're at school, bud," Ed replied casually even though Olivia was mom-glaring him. "But, you're right. We should resume the workouts. We'll do that starting tomorrow. It's about time for us to get cleaned up and ready for the party."

"Yup! You're right," Noah said and then sang, "Let's have a partyyyy…"

"PARTYYYYYYYY!" Maggie shouted and did a somersault toward the edge of the mattress and into Ed's arms. "G'catch, DADDY!"

Ed grinned and kissed her cheek. "Thanks, baby girl."

"Welcome."

Maggie's reply came out sounding like it had come from a much older child. Olivia slid over and gave Ed a reassuring kiss on the cheek when she saw the hint of gloom in his eyes. She understood all too well how gut-wrenching it could sometimes be to have to admit their miracle twins, despite Noah's moniker, were no longer babies.

…..

Ed waited for the detective he'd questioned to leave the room and gave him enough time to get to the elevator. The interview had not gone well. The guy was evasive, the complaint was flimsy, and Ed wasn't on top of his game. No matter how hard he tried to focus on the psychology of the interview, he couldn't get Olivia out of his head. This was their second May together, and the month of May brought with it the anniversaries and memories of a number of deep-seeded traumas. Mother's Day was always fraught with mixed emotions. A couple of years earlier in May, William Lewis forced himself into Olivia's apartment, tortured and kidnapped her before she managed to free herself days later. In conversations, Ed learned that the onset of spring, while a source of rejuvenation for some, often reminded Olivia of the end of the school year and how she, as a child and later a teenager, had to figure out ways to escape the apartment she shared with her alcoholic mother during the long days and weeks of the summer months. She would start plotting these respites—day camps, summer tutoring, outings with friends—as soon as the ground started to thaw. Olivia opening up and revealing her most severe wounds to Ed both thrilled and scared him. He was elated she so thoroughly trusted him but it also made him nervous. Was he worthy of such trust?

Back in his office he made sure his notes were in order and left the folder on his desk so he would remember to finalize everything on Monday when he was hopefully in a better frame of mind.

He checked his pockets for his keys and eyed his phone, silently begging for it to ring. Dawdling, he made sure to sign out of his email account—something the tech guys said was unnecessary but Ed did anyway—and waited until the desktop completely shut down.

And then it happened.

She called.

From the first hello, she sounded relieved and happy to hear his voice, and Ed responded by being extra sweet, not over the top, but he wanted to make sure she understood he was at her disposal for the weekend.

"I'm staring at the clock," Olivia said, "And our jobs aren't clock-driven, but I'll be happy to hand the reins to Fin and Rollins for the next couple of days."

"You deserve some down time," Ed replied.

"I hope I can force myself to do that."

Her level of transparency astounded Ed. In one brief sentence she both admitted she needed a break and also acknowledged she had trouble giving herself one.

"Can I help?" He asked softly.

"Please."

"Want me to come and pick you up? We'll go get Noah, or, is he home already?"

"Lucy's there with him."

"Then how about we get a drink at that pub on the corner by your building, order dinner, play Yahtzee…?"

"Yahtzee?"

"Yes."

"I suppose some friendly competition wouldn't hurt."

"Nope." Ed patted his pockets again. He didn't want to forget anything. "I'll be there in fifteen minutes or so."

"I'll meet you outside."

When Ed pulled over to the curb near the precinct's rear entrance, he didn't see Olivia at first because she was talking to a group of uniformed cops and they surrounded her in a semicircle. She saw Ed, though, and made a beeline toward the car. Though Ed could tell she was a little worse for the wear, she strode authoritatively, blazer flapping in the wind, aviators on, and her hair was pulled back in a clip. Before she even closed the door she leaned across the center console for a kiss and grinned as she settled in on the passenger side.

"I am so glad to see you," she said.

"I've been hoping to see you all day."

Brow furrowed, she said, "Of course you were going to see me."

Ed smiled, "I, uh—"

"Ed," she put her hand on his leg above his knee, "Stop doubting yourself. Doubting…us."

He had only driven a half block, but he pulled over and put the vehicle into park. "I'm never doubting us," he said, making sure to look into her eyes. She'd taken off her sunglasses and Ed could see how tired yet how hopeful she was. "I…" he let out a deep sigh, "Liv, I just want you to be happy and I want part of the reason to be me. Selfish…I know."

"Not at all." Olivia grabbed his hand and kissed it. "You are a huge reason why I'm happy. Why I can even think about trying to put the job aside for a while and just...enjoy…"

Ed smirked. Satisfied, he slowly drove away from the curb still holding her hand.

…..

The Tucker apartment was bustling late Saturday afternoon. Sarah and Justin brought Pearl who was now a full size yellow lab and perfect for the twins to treat her like a "horsie." Maggie and Wyatt took turns draping themselves over her back and hung on as long as possible before tumbling to the floor. Noah knew he was too heavy for the dog to bear, so he hovered around, making sure when his siblings stumbled backward that they didn't hit their heads on anything. Sofia watched from Brooke's lap with a bewildered expression on her face. The only other person overly concerned with the rambunctious play was G. She did her best to laugh along with the adults' conversation, but her gaze kept drifting to the middle of the room.

"That damn dog is too big for the city," Caroline remarked at one point.

"Do you want to take her?" Sarah asked.

"Hell no. I don't pick up shit."

"She's fine. I have a dog walker and she also runs with Justin every other day."

"You run?" Ed asked his son-in-law.

"Yeah, I started a few weeks ago," Justin replied, "My buddies want to run the marathon next year. Or try. I think it's pretty tough to get a number."

"The marathon?" Sonny asked incredulously. "I admire your drive, man. I'd be happy with a 5K."

Justin grinned. "I ran cross country in high school, but this is a whole different ballgame."

While they chatted about the race, Ed and Olivia went to the kitchen to put the appetizers together. Olivia organized the cheese board and Ed thinly sliced a baguette. At one point she noticed Ed massaging the right side of his jaw, a move he'd been doing all day.

"Are you alright?" She asked.

"My tooth is killin' me," he said under his breath. Ed hated exposing any ailment or perceived weakness to his family.

"Want me to get you some ibuprofen?"

"Yeah, I better take somethin' or I'm gonna be miserable all night."

Olivia kissed his cheek. "I'll be right back."

Ed continued slicing until Pearl came scampering by following by Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah.

"DOGGIE 'SCAPE!" Maggie shouted. "GE'DA'DOGGIE!"

"Hey, hey, hey," Ed stepped in front of the kids. "How 'bout we give Pearl a break?"

"We pay'in w'her!" Wyatt protested.

"I know, bud, but the dog needs a little quiet time."

Noah sidestepped his brother and sister and stood next to Ed. "Yeah, Daddy's right. Pearl's prolly runnin' to get away from us. Let's play somethin' else. Hey! G!"

"Yes?" G called from the living room.

"You wanna play Uno?"

"Sure," she stood up and made her way over to the island. "What about everyone else?"

"Well, Maggie and Wyatt don't know how to play right yet, so small sister needs to sit with you."

"Okay."

In a few minutes, Noah persuaded everyone but his parents to play the game. Ed and Olivia served the cheese board and bread, refilled drinks, and shifted gears to the main course. The side dishes had to be heated, and Ed flipped through his steak preparation guide one last time. His nervousness was endearing, and Olivia wrapped an arm around his waist, offering some semblance of support.

"Don't want to fuck these up," he whispered.

"We can do burgers if there's an emergency," Olivia said.

"Yeah, but, that's not it," Ed replied, "I'm about to put a semester's tuition worth of meat on the grill."

Olivia gave him a kiss and gazed lovingly into his eyes. "I believe in you, Ed Tucker."

"Well then," Ed replied with confidence, "Let's get on with it."

Olivia grinned and handed him the platter. She glanced at the dining table and saw the Uno players intensely focused on their game. Maggie, in particular, was extra focused. She had one hand wrapped around G's neck and the other clutched two of the cards in their shared hand-two Draw Fours-which Maggie was prepared to throw at G's direction. Perched on his knees, Noah loomed over the table, his eyes tracked every single movement and play, and he grinned when Caroline skipped Maggie and G and the turn rotated to him. Noah slapped down another skip card and apologized to Sonny.

"Sorry," he said, "Maybe you'll get to play next time."

Olivia gasped.

Ed chuckled. "Got ourselves a trash talker," he remarked under his breath.

"Don't look so proud," Olivia replied.

Ed shrugged but couldn't stop himself from beaming.

"We're going up to start the grill," Olivia called over to the table. "It'll be about twenty minutes."

"No rush," Caroline called back. She played a card and announced Uno, "I'm busy taking everyone's money."

"Mommy?" Noah asked worriedly, "Do you have change for a ten?"

"No gambling," Ed muttered.

Olivia nudged him down the hallway toward the door, but they still heard Sarah tell Noah she had dollar bills to exchange.

"Thanks," Noah said.

"Anytime. Just don't risk more than you can afford to lose."

"Yeah," Noah said matter-of-factly," Dat's what Gramma always says."

…

Sarah pushed the double stroller along the sidewalk and strolled along in a bouncy gait with a smile on her face. Anthony and Mari were snoozing in the seats beneath her, and she was looking forward to hosting the twins for the weekend while their parents were in New Jersey with Noah and his Academic Bowl team. Since adopting her children, Sarah and Justin had focused all their energy and attention on the kids, and Sarah hoped having Maggie and Wyatt around for the weekend would give her and Justin a chance to carve out a little bit of alone time. The twins were too young to babysit, but they were good for a couple of solid hours of playtime.

While Sarah waited to cross Second Avenue, a block away from school, she jerked her head in the direction of blaring sirens and frowned at them as if they could see her displeasure with the noise. It was so distracting, she barely heard the crunch of metal and the screams less than a quarter mile away.

"Holy shit!" Someone yelled.

Pedestrians rushed toward the scene of the accident. Sarah froze, unsure about what was going on and torn between not wanting to put Anthony and Mari in harm's way but also needing to find Maggie and Wyatt. She had no idea what had happened, but, judging by the collective sense of urgency from others, it was bad.

Sarah hurried across the avenue and into the crowd that was forming on the opposite side of the block and quickly got a general idea of what had transpired. A late-model sedan, for some reason, had t-boned a parked car and pushed it onto the sidewalk where dozens of parents and caregivers were waiting for lower school dismissal. Sarah immediately scanned the area, searching for her youngest siblings. "Dammit," she muttered. In the commotion, every kid looked the same. And then, for some reason, she stopped and spun around toward the building's entrance. There was Wyatt at the top of the steps, staring at the carnage. Two steps below him Maggie was huddled with three friends.

"Omigod," Sarah gasped. She shouted their names and waved her arms in the air. Maggie came running, but Wyatt remained frozen.

Maggie approached and breathlessly voiced her own "omigod," and waited for Sarah to say something.

"Maggs," Sarah said, "Stay here. I'm going to get Wyatt."

"Okay." Maggie spun around, "I thought he was behind me."

Sarah jogged up the steps and grabbed Wyatt's arm. "Hey," she said, "Come on Wy. Let's go home."

"Do you think someone's dead under there?" Wyatt asked catatonically.

"I don't know," Sarah said. The sidewalk was littered with debris, mostly from two trash cans that had flipped over, and there were a few women with visible gashes on their arms and legs, but, miraculously, the accident apparently sounded and looked worse than it was. "Come on. The ambulance is here. Let's go bud."

"No."

Sarah took a deep breath. She waved to Maggie who gave her a thumbs up. The kids were still sleeping. In front of them, emergency workers were tending to the injured people, and, finally, a police officer gave the all clear after inspecting the part of the sidewalk that had been breached by the car.

"It's okay, Wyatt," Sarah said, "Everybody's okay."

"That was scary," Wyatt said in a small voice. "I saw the car. I dunno what the guy was doing, but he hit those two other cars there….maybe he had a heart attack. He was slumped over."

"If he hit other cars first that's a good thing," Sarah said, "It saved people's lives. But, um, you should probably tell that to a cop. C'mon. Let's go over there and talk to one of them."

"I want to call mom."

"We'll call her after."

"Okay."

It took several minutes for Sarah to find a police officer willing to listen to Wyatt. When they were finished she led him back to where the stroller was parked, but Maggie and the kids were nowhere to be found.

"Oh for fuck's sake," Sarah muttered.

Wyatt pulled out his phone. "They're close," he said after finding Maggie's location on the map. "Like, oh, there!" He grinned and pointed to the opposite side of the street.

Sarah rolled her eyes and groaned. Anthony and Mari were awake and were munching on parts of a pretzel Maggie had purchased and divided between the three of them. Sarah and Wyatt darted across the street.

"Nobody dead?" Maggie asked nonchalantly.

"Nope," Sarah said.

"No," Wyatt said softly.

"That was freaky!" Maggie said.

"Yeah," Wyatt murmured.

Sarah knew he was still shaken and probably would be for the rest of the night. She patted his back and spoke cheerfully, "Well, since everyone's awake and alive and we've had a little excitement, how about we go do something fun?"

"Like what?" Maggie asked.

"Like…how about the taco boat for dinner? A little cruise on the water and some tacos?"

"Noah says that's touristy," Maggie said in a tattletale's voice.

Sarah snorted, "I've done every touristy thing in this city with Noah so I don't really care. Do you know I once took him on one of those buses?"

"You did?" Wyatt asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes."

"Alright, let's go on the boat," Maggie said. "Call Justy."

"But we gotta change," Wyatt said. He was clearly ready to shed his school clothes and thoughts of what had occurred less than an hour earlier. "And call mom."

Sarah gave Wyatt a firm side hug. "We'll do that."

Not many boys Wyatt's age would have put their heads on their big sister's shoulder in public, but Wyatt did just that and it nearly brought Sarah to tears. "It's okay, buddy," she whispered and felt Wyatt nod.

"Thanks Sare Bear," he said. "I wanna call mom, but I'm glad you're here."

"I'm glad I'm here too," she said, "And I get it."

"Yeah," Wyatt grinned. "Mom's the best."

…..

Olivia was certain Ed was going to burst with pride and satisfaction. He had cooked the steaks to perfection and everyone raved about them. Even Caroline, the harshest food critic of the family, effusively complimented the cooking.

"Caroline," Sonny said, "This soda bread, though, you nail it every time."

"And you suck up every time, Dominick," Caroline retorted with a wink, "But thank you."

"Daddy, this is the best steak I've ever had," Sarah said with her mouth full. "Amazing."

"We got it at Union Square," Noah said.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yup! We went after my field trip to Staten Island."

"Oh gosh," Sarah said, "Did you take your passport?"

"No," Noah giggled, "But we went on a nature walk and Daddy was there and shot da bow and arrow."

"Well I did not hear about this," Sarah replied.

Noah told the story with great dramatic flair.

"So cool to have your Daddy on the trip," Brooke remarked.

"Yeah," Noah said, "Everrone else's Daddy was working but Daddy's r'tired so he can go."

"Next time I want to chaperone," Caroline said.

"Gramma! You can come," Noah replied, "But they don't have gambling and they don't have gin on field trips."

The room erupted in laughter.

Noah screwed up his face, unsure what was so funny since he had merely told the truth.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Ed glanced at Olivia as she was wiping away a couple of tears. She smiled at him and squeezed his leg under the table. Sure, they had a no-filter eighty-year-old and a Sarah and a too-big yellow lab and a three-year-old (Maggie) who inexplicably detested Sofia, but only a few short years ago Olivia never would have imagined this robust family life and now that she had it she planned on never letting it go.

…..

#Tuckson