228.

Ed clicked the final purchase button and clapped his hands together in satisfaction. "Flight booked. Hotels booked. Car booked. And now we have a couple of months to fill in the blanks." He looked up and smiled at his wife who was sitting across from him at the dining table sipping a post-dinner glass of wine. After feeding the kids a simpler meal, Ed plated the tenderloin, potatoes, and green beans he prepared for their big night of trip confirmation. They ate by candlelight, and, for what seemed like the twentieth or so time, assured themselves the kids would be just fine in the care of Sarah and Justin for the week they would be away.

"We've done this before," Olivia said, "Why does it feel so weird this time?"

"Last time we had Noah with us? Does that make a difference?"

"Maybe…I think I'm so used to all of us being together. We haven't been apart since then. It'll be good. I'm okay."

"It's gonna be really good," Ed said with a smirk and nodded to the platters between them. He didn't mean to be pushy, but he also didn't want the dinner he had worked hard to prepare to get cold before they took their first bites.

Now, with the food eaten and the travel blueprint in place, Ed was content to watch his wife drink her favorite red and, together, sketch out a plan for their Florence-Rome-Amalfi Coast agenda. It was a little ambitious for a nine day trip, but they were going for it anyway. Who knew if they would ever get to Italy again? There were so many places yet to be seen.

Olivia sighed and smiled, "Florence…so romantic."

"You think it'll be more romantic than Paris?"

"I think so…or, it will be for different reasons."

All Ed could manage was a raspy, "Yeah," and he reached across the table for Olivia's left hand to give her rings a twirl. He kissed her fingers and placed her hand gently back on the table. "Are you ready for dessert?"

"There's dessert?"

"Of course." Ed went to the kitchen and returned a couple minutes later with a single plate. On it rested a piece of strawberry shortcake. "You, uh, want to share this with me?"

"Of course." Olivia smiled. "Here, or…"

"Let's go to our room," he whispered as he closed in for a kiss, "I'll clean up out here later."

"Or tomorrow," Olivia said, cocking an eyebrow.

"Yeah…or tomorrow."

…..

On a chilly afternoon two weeks before Christmas, Olivia left kid duty to Ed and traveled across the river to meet Brooke for lunch. Brooke had recently received books and other course material for her first class, and, after paging through some of it, called Olivia in a panic. Brooke had pictured herself in a soothing office with comfortable chairs listening and doling out advice. Now she realized the vision was evidence of her naivete and felt more foolish and inadequate than ever. However, she had a feeling Olivia could provide encouragement and cheer her up.

Brooke was already seated at a table overlooking Myrtle Avenue. She stood up and hugged Olivia, offered her the booth side, and sat back down. "Thank you so much for coming all the way out here in the cold," she said, "And I guess we could have met at our place, but I really wanted to get out. I've been cooped up a lot lately."

"No problem," Olivia said. She folded her scarf but wasn't quite ready to remove her peacoat. "Sof at day care?"

"Yes," Brooke said, "They said it would be a good idea to ease her in before January. It'll only be two days a week, but these half days will help. She's such an introvert…she didn't even cry when I left, she just went over to the book shelf, grabbed one, and sat down to read."

"What a sweetheart," Olivia cooed.

"I just wish she was more outgoing. She seems happy…but…I don't know. Sarah and I always had friends around. We never liked to be alone, or we had each other. And Sonny's more friendly and social than all of us combined. I just don't get it."

"Look on the bright side," Olivia said, "She's not bored. She knows how to occupy herself. She's not tied to a screen. She'll be okay, especially once she starts school and the kids are kind of forced to talk to other people."

"I was laughing so hard over Thanksgiving watching Noah with her. They were playing, I think Wyatt and Maggie were out on the beach with you and Dad, and Noah's chatting, chatting, chatting, and waits maybe a second for a reply and then just keeps talking. You can tell he's used to the twins jumping into the conversation every second."

"Oh yeah," Olivia replied knowingly, "Those three know they have to assert themselves to get a word in."

"But even Wyatt, for as easygoing and quiet as he is, he still…engages."

"Wyatt's an interesting bird," Olivia said, smiling at the thought of her son's face and the smile he flashed when he and his siblings were verging on getting hyper. His eyes danced with a combination of remorse and joy as if he were apologizing for the raucousness but also wanted to join in. "And Sof engages. I've seen her. She's quiet…that's all."

"Thanks," Brooke smiled appreciatively and sipped the beer the waiter placed in front of her. "But…the reason I needed to see you…the readings for my first class. I'm freaking out."

"Why?"

"We're literally jumping right in. There are case studies we're expected to complete and then we'll have to do mock sessions in late January, and I feel totally unprepared. I think this program is designed for people who've already had therapy experience. I have the psych major but zero field work in any kind of counseling."

"I bet…if you think about it, you'll draw on a lot of the strategies you used when you were teaching. I'm sure you met with parents and students?"

"Yeah…"

"But I can see how getting all the books and readings at once would be daunting. Where's the syllabus?"

"Here," Brooke handed over a stapled document from her bag.

Olivia nodded almost immediately after putting on her reading glasses. The course progression made all the sense in the world to her. "So you're diving into the most well-known and most frequently used modalities…this will all make more sense and feel more practical when you get into the case studies. That's why you're feeling overwhelmed now. Once you're in the thick of it, you'll get a better sense of what makes the most sense for you and for the client."

"I feel better already. It seemed like we were already supposed to know everything about each of those."

"I don't think so," Olivia surmised, "And I agree with this teaching approach. The experiential will mean much more than reading a chapter and writing a paper. After all, that's what you'll be doing-working with people and not writing articles, or, maybe, eventually you will!"

"Ha! First things first." Brooke asked the waiter for another few minutes and turned back to Olivia. "Did you study this as a part of Criminal Justice?"

"Not exactly. I picked it up from years of SVU cases and walking people through the aftermath of whatever happened to them. That's one of the reasons why I love the Benson Center so much. They can send people there and the staff navigates the web of victim services. It used to be that they got a card with a number and the office was located in what seemed like a dungeon….anyway…I'm more familiar with therapy than most people. For a lot of reasons."

"I knew you'd make me feel better," Brooke said with a relieved sigh.

"I'm here for you any time, especially now when I really have something to offer."

"You always have something to offer."

"Thanks," Olivia smiled and rolled her own beer glass in her hands, "Your Dad is probably going to be helpful, too, particularly with the conflict resolution pieces. Remember he was a hostage negotiator."

"I do forget that," Brooke said with a grin. She tucked her shoulder length blonde hair behind her ears and hung her head for a second. "I hope he doesn't get offended when we all go to you for help first."

"He doesn't because that's not true."

"What is he doing today?"

"Right now," Olivia sat back and smiled, "He's wrangling post-preschool Maggie and Wyatt. They always come out of there grubby and ready for some unstructured playtime. And lunch."

"They don't eat there?"

"No, only a snack."

"I would love to pick them up. I bet they're so funny walking out of school like big kids."

"Oh they are," Olivia replied in a sing-songy voice. "They think they're just like their big brother. The other day we were walking home, and it got really windy all of a sudden, just like today, and Maggie stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and told us we needed to call an Uber."

Brooke cracked up.

"And of course Wyatt agreed. Good thing they're small enough for us to carry, or we would've been there in a standoff for a while. But…it was cold."

"Hilarious," Brooke said, still laughing and wiping tears from her eyes. The waiter came back and pleasantly asked if they were ready to order. Brooke nodded and said, "I know what I want. How about you, Liv?"

"Mac and Cheese," she said, "I always get it here."

"Same for me," Brooke replied, "And, well, want to split a salad?"

"Sure. Any one of them is good for me."

Brooke ordered the salad and two more drinks. She gazed appreciatively across the table at Olivia who never failed to be there emotionally and physically when anyone in the family needed her. "Thanks again," she said, disappointed she couldn't find the right words to express how grateful she was for Olivia's expertise and insight but also that she would keep all of Brooke's insecurities to herself.

"You're welcome. And, remember, call me anytime."

Brooke smiled, nodded, and replied, "I will."

…

Wyatt shifted his weight from foot to foot impatiently while Maggie and Noah circulated through the vendors at Artists and Fleas, an indoor shop at Chelsea Market with various stalls all offering handmade goods. The Tucker trio was not supposed to be at Chelsea Market and the longer they took, Wyatt grew more nervous. He was a stickler for being on time and telling the truth, and this stop required him both to be late and also to lie. The only reason he agreed to the outing was that it was endorsed by Noah, and Noah never steered them wrong. Besides, it was all to find the perfect Mother's Day gift, and Maggie argued that they always found nice things at Artists and Fleas. The Tuckers loved traditional shopping, especially when purchasing gifts for others. They always defaulted to going out and finding a particular item rather than looking online. This habit was partially due to having older parents, but they were also following in the footsteps of Sarah and Brooke who also loved to browse brick and mortar stores.

Wyatt had already found his gift in one of the other shops-a face mask kit-and he was pleased with himself for remembering how their mother liked the sample face mask she received on another recent shopping trip. Maggie seemed to be settling on a set of layered necklaces, and Noah found a funky, four-sided, glass-blown frame which he planned to fill with recent photos. They still had to stop somewhere and argue over a greeting card, which always took forever. Also on Wyatt's mind was a homework assignment his science teacher had given at the last minute. It was an article students were supposed to read for tomorrow's lab. It wasn't a lengthy reading assignment, but Wyatt was annoyed at what he perceived as bad planning and time management on the teacher's part.

"Don't you love these?" Maggie asked her brothers after the jewelry artist handed over the three necklaces. The chains differed in length and a charm dangled from each one. "See?" Maggie continued, "I got an O, the Aquarius, and the shape of New York! Isn't it great?"

"Yup," Noah replied, "I like it. Good idea."

"Do you think I shoulda got M for mom?"

"No," Wyatt said, "That's not her name."

Noah agreed.

Maggie handed over the money for the necklaces. The sixty dollars nearly wiped out her savings, but she showed no qualms about handing over the money. She took the small black plastic bag, grinned at her brothers, and remarked, "Such a tiny package for three Harriets…"

"Now we have to start saving for Father's Day," Wyatt said.

"Never ends," Noah added sagely. They exited onto West 15th Street and he looked around, getting his bearings, "Aren't you…don't you guys want a sushi burrito?"

"Yes!" Maggie exclaimed and glared pointedly at her twin.

Wyatt did want a sushi burrito. He loved sushi burritos. They were a perfect, refreshing, after school gap meal which he often needed because school lunch time was absurdly early. His stomach growled. Yes, there was time for a sushi burrito. "Yummy Stick is around here," he said, his voice just as innocent and raspy as it had been when he was a little boy. More than one person had remarked as he got older that he sounded like his father and the comments always filled Wyatt with pride.

Noah smiled. He and his siblings had an encyclopedic knowledge of the city, particularly the west side, but he couldn't place the sushi shop Wyatt had identified. "Where is it?"

"It's on the way back to the subway," Wyatt said. On 17th."

Noah and Maggie shrugged and followed him.

"How do you remember this place?" Maggie asked.

"Sare Bear took me a few times," Wyatt said.

Maggie screwed up her face, "How were you with Sare Bear and we weren't?"

It didn't happen often, but, occasionally, the siblings did venture out solo with another member of the family. Wyatt shook his head, a tad incredulous his sister didn't remember. "Career Week for one," Wyatt said.

Noah started laughing. Middle schoolers were tasked with shadowing a professional in a field of interest for a day during Career Week, and even though Wyatt didn't have a ton of interest in finance, shadowing Sarah was the easiest and most fun option. Ed dropped him off in the morning, Sarah took him on a tour of her office, Wyatt sat in on a meeting, and they proceeded to goof off the rest of the day. Wyatt came home and announced corporate life wouldn't be so bad after all.

"And another time, I don't know why you didn't come, we took Mari and Anthony to Little Island and then stopped on the way back."

"Oh, well, we'll see if it's as good as Pokeworks," Maggie said, "You know, we should open a sushi burrito restaurant at the beach. That would be super perfect because there's no sushi there anywhere which is weird because it's literally right next to the ocean."

Noah wasn't certain if Maggie's claim about no sushi in Bethany Beach was true, but he couldn't remember ever seeing a sushi joint near their home. Ideas about anything and everything constantly flowed from Maggie's mouth and brain, but this one wasn't all that far-fetched. Except for the fact that they were all so young.

"Good idea," Noah said, "It would be cool to have one right on the boardwalk."

"Ooooo!" Wyatt said, "Yeah!" He pictured patrons happily strolling along the ocean with their convenient, tightly-wrapped snacks.

"Let's ask Mom to buy us a sushi rolling kit!" Maggie suggested.

"Yes!" Wyatt said.

"Uh-oh, oops," Noah said, pulling his phone out of his pocket, "I forgot to tell them we were going to be a little late." Noah knew if he told his Dad they were going to be late to do some shopping, Ed would get the hint it was for Mother's Day.

"Noah!" Maggie scowled, "You never forget!"

"Sometimes I do." Noah quickly texted back and said they were a few blocks from the subway stop and would be on the next train shortly. "It can be a lot to remember for all three of us!" He was still a head or two taller than his siblings, even though they were both growing quickly, and he peered down at them with a loving smirk.

"Are they mad?" Wyatt asked.

"Nope," Noah replied, "Just curious."

"Nosy," Maggie corrected.

Noah chuckled sagely. "They are the parents."

"Yeah," Maggie groaned, "You're right. Are we bringing them burritos?"

"No," Wyatt replied immediately, "It's Wednesday. They always go out to lunch on Wednesday."

Maggie and Noah nodded. The Wednesday lunch tradition went back years, to the days when Sarah picked up Noah from school and Ed and Olivia didn't have to worry about a formal dinner. Now that the kids were older, Wednesday meals were always simple-leftovers, or pizza-and the parents never ate much.

"There it is," Wyatt pointed to a door propped open with a cinder block.

Maggie's jaw dropped. "That's a sushi burrito place?"

Noah laughed. He wasn't sure if the "restaurant" could even qualify as a restaurant. The storefront was barely ten feet wide. Inside, patrons ordered from a counter. There was a cooler with sodas and a single table with two chairs which seemed to Noah like an ironic joint. He wondered if anyone ever sat there to eat.

"This is it," Wyatt said. "C'mon. I'm starving."

Maggie eyed the place skeptically. Noah nudged her. "Let's go in," he said under his breath, "These places are always the best."

Unable to come up with an argument to counter Noah's reasoning or Wyatt's endorsement, Maggie followed her brothers inside.

….

Wyatt piled pieces of play food on an upside-down frisbee and carried it over to Ed who was sitting at the island where he could easily read the paper and watch the twins as they played with their toys. After school they hurried to the pub where they ate grilled cheese and fries. Ed, who recognized his diet lately had not been the healthiest, ordered a salad and ate it with far less enthusiasm that the twins attacked their meals.

"Heeya go, Daddy!" Wyatt said as he slid the frisbee across the granite. "Orrer up!"

"Thanks, bud," Ed said, smiling at the plastic pizza and cheeseburger.

Maggie skipped over with a machine that ran on battery, and, when filled with a soapy solution, produced bubbles. "Filler up, Dada! Pleeeease!"

"No bubbles in the house, Maggie May."

"Bubbles in da baff!"

"Well, uh, yeah, but…" Ed smirked at his daughter. Three years old and she was already making him work to assert his authority. She returned the expression with a sly smirk of her own. Many strands of her brown hair had worked their way out of the ponytail Olivia tied earlier and she had the look of someone who had been hard at work. "We'll do bubbles in the bath tonight," he said, adding for his own benefit, "And yes I know that's inside."

Wyatt climbed on the stool and peered at the frisbee. "Ah'done?"

"Um, yeah," Ed pretended to take a final bite, "Well done, chef."

"Cheffat!" Maggie exclaimed, "Wy! Cheffat!" She ran into the hall, yanked open the linen closet, and came back with a pillowcase. "Cheffat fuh'Wy, Daddy!"

"How about we make a chef hat out of paper?" Ed suggested.

Maggie threw the pillowcase aside and ran to the opposite side of the room to retrieve their large drawing tablet. Ed found scissors and tape. Within minutes, both Maggie and Wyatt were wearing custom-fitted tall headgear which, due to material limitations, were less puffy than the real deal. Neither Maggie nor Wyatt cared. They ran to the bathroom to get a glimpse of themselves, laughed and giggled, then asked Ed to turn on Ratatouille.

Ed found the original movie on one of their multiple streaming services and hoped that was the one they wanted. Maggie and Wyatt sat together on the chaise end of the sofa. They had plenty of room, save for their hats, which knocked into each other whenever one twin made the slightest movement. Ed covered them with a blanket and made sure their cups were within reach.

"Daddy!" Maggie said in a scolding tone, "You watch, too!"

"Oh, okay, didn't know I was invited to the party."

"You sit dere," Wyatt said, leaning across his sister to point at the empty cushion directly next to her.

"Okay." Ed took his seat and rested his legs on the coffee table.

"Banket, Dada?" Wyatt asked.

"Nah, bud, I'm good right now," Ed smiled at his son, "But thanks."

"We'come," Wyatt replied with his fist halfway in his mouth.

Ed smiled. He was certain Wyatt, at least, would be asleep before the first part of the movie was over.

…

Ed woke up on Mother's Day and wondered what kind of spirits Olivia would be in when he went over to pick her and Noah up for brunch. After much cajoling-more than he'd ever done with her-she agreed to take the day off, leave SVU in the hands of Fin and Carisi, and, at least, spend the day uninterrupted with Noah. After she agreed to the basics, he gingerly introduced the idea of brunch and she surprised him by agreeing immediately. Her moods since Dodds' death had been unpredictable. One minute she was excited and actively planning the Paris trip (they hadn't been able to get away as quickly as Ed wanted), and the next she was miserable and lamenting how Dodds' mother would spend this Mother's Day and all the rest of them in agony. So, when Olivia responded to his "Good Morning! Happy Mother's Day" text with a thank you and a couple of heart emojis, he sighed, for he still could not discern her mood.

On the way to her building he picked up a flower bouquet, resisting the urge to purchase the largest one the vendor had. He also stopped and bought a bottle of her favorite wine even though he continued to be cognizant of how much alcohol they were both drinking. Ed chuckled sarcastically at his lack of creativity.

When he knocked on her door, the first response was the sound of Noah running toward the door. "S'at you, ED?" He shouted from the other side of the door.

"It's me, bud."

"Ma! S'ED!"

Ed heard Noah grunting and groaning, trying his hardest to get the door open, but he knew it was bolted shut. Seconds later, Olivia opened it and flashed a huge smile when Ed presented her the flowers and sweetly kissed her cheek. "Happy Mother's Day," he whispered in her ear.

"Thank you," she replied in a soft voice.

"COME IN, ED!" Noah shouted. He jumped up and down and skipped into the living room. He was already dressed in his brunch clothes-light khakis and a baby blue polo-and he had a Lego construction project going on the coffee table. "Lookit!" He pointed to it and grinned. "Lookit, Ed!"

Reluctantly leaving Olivia's side, Ed strode into the room and assessed his work. "Very nice," he said, testing one of the walls, "Sturdy construction. Good job, No."

Noah grinned and peered into his Lego bucket for more pieces to add.

Ed still had the bottle of wine in his hands and he carried it to the kitchen.

"What time is the reservation?" Olivia asked, trailing him.

"Noon," Ed replied. "We have plenty of time."

"Want to open that?" She asked.

"Yeah, sure." He opened the drawer where she stored the corkscrew and poured them each a glass. "Here you go," he said, "Cheers."

"Cheers." She smiled and took a sip. "I'm excited about this place," she said, "I've never been there. Well, I haven't been to many brunch spots, but definitely not this one."

"It has great reviews and it's not too, uh…trendy I guess," Ed grinned sheepishly, "I mean, people our age aren't completely out of place there."

Olivia nodded and replied, "Totally get it."

"If ya want…we can walk the High Line on the way back for part of the way?"

"Sounds like a great day," Olivia said.

"Yeah. I think it has potential," Ed replied, smirking.

Olivia chuckled and went into the kitchen to give him a hug. "Thank you for being here….for being here even when I'm not at my best."

"That's when it matters most, right?" Ed replied, holding her tightly.

"Yes, and I'm trying too hard not to feel guilty about it…in addition to everything else."

"If it helps," Ed replied, "There's nowhere else I want to be right now. Nowhere."

Olivia tilted her head back and didn't bother to conceal her watery eyes. "It helps," she said with a genuine smile, "Thank you. Oh, hey, what about your mom? What's Caroline doing today?"

"She told me to take care of you," Ed waited an extra second to gauge Olivia's reaction, "I'll see her next weekend."

"You Tuckers are good people," she said, patting his chest, "Incredibly good people."

"I'll relay the message."

"The message is for you, too."

"I know," Ed gently kissed her on the lips, "Thank you."

Olivia glanced at the time and then the barely touched glasses of wine. "I guess we didn't need to pour those."

"We'll drink them later."

With her arms still wrapped around Ed's waist, Olivia called to Noah. "Sweet boy, are you ready to go to brunch with me and Ed?"

Noah snapped one last Lego into place and turned around. "Ready!" He shouted then frowned at his feet. "Nee'my shoes!"

"Ed will help you, honey," Olivia said, "Mommy needs to finish getting ready."

"Kay!"

Ed surveyed the line of shoes in the foyer and asked Noah which ones he wanted to wear. He chose a familiar pair of white Adidas low tops. Ed had them on and laced and he and Noah stood in front of the door, waiting for Olivia. When she reappeared, it was as if she had come from a rejuvenation chamber. Her eyes had new life. Her skin glowed. Perhaps, Ed surmised, in the moment of alone time she had given herself a pep talk and ultimately decided to live today in the moment and push aside all the darkness of the past few weeks. She had done it before and she could do it now. She wanted and needed to do it now.

Ed held out his arm and Olivia took it, but not before giving him another kiss. Noah opened the door, which had remained unlocked. "C'mon," he said, "Time'for'Mother Day!"

"Yes, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "We're following you."

…..

Olivia, Brooke, and Sarah ducked into the Broome Street Bar right as the cold, freezing rain started turning into snow and sticking to the ground. They sat at a table next to a door that was always kept open during the summer, but, in winter, gave whoever sat in the spot a bit more privacy than other tables. They piled their shopping bags on the ledge beneath the window and ordered drinks.

"Holy shit," Sarah gasped, "We're going to have to Uber home! This weather is so freaking weird lately."

"Like winter?" Brooke asked sarcastically.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "I mean," she replied, "One minute it's regular cold and wind and the next minute we're on the verge of a blizzard."

"I know, I know," Brooke leaned into her sister and thanked the waiter who quickly delivered the drinks. They had arrived early, before the lunch rush, but there probably wasn't going to be a weekend rush with weather like this.

"So here we are again," Sarah said, raising her vodka tonic, "Cheers to girls Christmas shopping day!"

After they clinked glasses and took their first sips, Olivia asked, "What is this? Year number…five? Six?"

"I believe six," Sarah said without thinking.

Brooke calculated five years, but it didn't matter. She treasured this tradition and smiled warmly at Sarah and Olivia. "This is always a highlight of the season," she said, "And I appreciate everyone else either ignoring or not noticing we don't buy all that much!"

Olivia grinned and nodded. "Very true. Cheers to that."

"So," Sarah said, "How's everything?"

"Well," Brooke said, "Son got approved for vacation time, so we'll take you and Justin up on the offer to use the condo for New Years."

"Omigod, Brookey, that's great!

"So happy for you," Olivia said and patted Brooke's hand. She knew how much Brooke worried about drifting too far from Sonny now that she was starting a new venture.

"I wish you all were coming," Brooke said.

"Liar," Sarah retorted.

After a laugh, Brooke admitted that it would be nice to have some family time at the beach.

"Livvie, what are the anniversary plans this year?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, I think we might spend it in Riverdale, actually. We've never done that and I always feel bad about your grandmother ringing in the New Year alone, or, at least, not with us."

"We'll crash if you don't mind," Sarah said.

"Of course not."

"Now I feel like I'm missing out!" Brooke protested.

"Brookey, you'll be in paradise drinking pina coladas and listening to the waves and won't think about us one bit."

"Yeah…you're probably right."

"But if you don't pick up for the midnight phone call I shall never forgive you."

"Don't worry," Brooke said with a big sister chuckle, "I'll pick up."

"Thank you."

"Anytime."

…

#Tuckson