235. Yeah, yeah, been a while, but hope you want to read the next part of the rest of their fictional, fluffy lives!

The school cafeteria monitor parked himself in a corner and observed the students from a bit of a distance. Last week's snow provided fodder for most of the conversations, and he heard pieces of stories about sledding and snowmen and hot chocolate. The monitor had a few favorite kids. There was Amelia, who had bright, fiery red hair and rotated through three or four pairs of funky eyeglasses. There was Scottie, who was a nice, polite kid but he had to be the messiest elementary schooler in the group. His space at the tables was always filled with crumbs or smeared with ketchup or whatever sauce had been served that day. Noah Tucker, though, was especially intriguing. The boy always sat between two of his closest friends-Mia and Matteo-and when one of the friends happened to be absent, his or her seat was left vacant. Noah was always smiling, even when he chewed, he smiled, and he had obviously been schooled in table manners. The kid actually took the time to fold his napkin in his lap before taking a bite. At least once during lunch he had to retrieve the napkin from the floor, but he never skipped the routine. Noah ate slowly, mostly because he was always deeply engaged in conversation, and he never talked with his mouth full. When it was time to go back to class, Noah collected his tray, and, dutifully, dropped everything in the trash. He always made sure to say hello on his way out of the cafeteria.

"Have a good day, Mr. Geno!"

"You too, Noah!" Geno would reply. The other kids filed out, following their teacher back to class. Noah, however, mostly skipped.

"To be that happy…" Geno murmured in a voice so quiet he didn't think anyone could hear him. After lunch cleaning detail was loud and clamorous and the cleaning crew rarely said two words to him anyway.

Nevertheless, one of the nearby men muttered, "Better enjoy it now."

Geno shook his head in disagreement and went on his way to his next duty post. Maybe the pessimistic remark was true for some students, but not for Noah. Something about that kid told Geno that Noah Tucker was cocooned in some sort of rare perpetual coat of cheer and goodwill, and even when his life did throw him curveballs, he seemed to be naturally programmed to come out on the other side unscathed.

…

Brooke frowned at the state of Caroline's dining room. The snow and frigid temperatures and her still-sore hip had forced the octogenarian inside for the past week, and she passed the time by "organizing" the items in the two credenzas which sat on either side of the table. Papers, trinkets, loose photos, and other random items were scattered everywhere. "Grandma," Brooke said, "Do you want me to, maybe, order some, I don't know, some boxes or…anything to help get this under control?"

"It is organized, Brookey," Caroline sniffed. "I know exactly what's where."

"Okay…"

"But, I can see this is bothering you. Come, come. Let's go sit on the porch. Out of sight, out of mind."

"It's twenty degrees outside."

"Fifty on the porch. Put your coat on. I need some light."

Brooke grabbed her parka and followed Caroline to the porch, which was enclosed by heavy plastic for the winter. It was surprisingly not uncomfortable. Caroline slid a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from the inside of one of the fake plants, revealing the real reason she wanted to sit out there.

Brooke watched Caroline take a long drag and blow smoke rings into the air. It reminded her of the time she and her friends lit up in the back parking lot of their middle school. They took turns trying to blow smoke rings, and would have been impressed with Caroline's skills.

Caroline held up the pack. "Want one?"

"No, thanks," Brooke replied.

"You don't mind that I'm having one?"

"Nope. I'm long past worrying about you and smoking. Now, you and your hip, I'm worried about that. But, if you can last eighty something years with a smoke every now and then I suppose…good for you."

"Don't worry about my hip," Caroline said, "My neighbor, the one over there," she waved her cigarette-holding hand and ashes danced in the air, "He brought over some CBD oil. It really works."

Brooke started laughing. "CBD oil?"

"Yes, it's not illegal."

"I know, I…I just didn't expect to hear that come from you."

Caroline winked and replied, "I always like to keep people on their toes."

"Well, good job with that. Just, don't try to smoke it," Brooke said with a wink.

"Sure, sure. So, where's my Sofia today?"

"She's with Sonny. I had a field work thing in Inwood, so I figured I'd come up here and check in while I was close to the neighborhood."

"What field work thing?"

"I guess it's more observing than field work. A little daunting to think soon I'll be the one actually doing the therapy sessions rather than watching them or role playing them."

"You will be phenomenal, dearie, you always have been."

"Thank you, Grandma."

Caroline puffed and looked contemplative. "I often wonder what would have been different about our lives if going to a therapist wouldn't have been so taboo."

Brooke peered across the hazy few feet separating her and her grandmother. "You mean after the accident?"

Caroline nodded. "And other things, but, mostly that. Everything was so private then. We were expected to handle everything behind closed doors, by ourselves, soldier on…and I wonder…if it wouldn't have been easier if we'd had someone to talk to, an impartial ear, if you would."

"It must have been excruciating to have to hold all that anger inside."

"It was…and then it wasn't. I had Eddie and Johnny and Marjorie. Your grandfather put his head down and kept on, so I did the same thing. And it wasn't like today. Nobody checked on me. Not for that. It's easier to ignore heartbreak, I suppose."

"Grandma."

Caroline smiled. Brooke guessed it was most likely forced, but she had been doing it for so long nobody could tell the difference. "All this to say, I'm happy you're doing this, honey. For many reasons."

"Thanks, Grandma."

Caroline stubbed out the cigarette and started the process of getting up from the chair. She groaned and favored her injured hip. Brooke watched carefully, ready to jump up and help if she teetered or swayed, but, once on her feet, Caroline stood tall, as tall as her five-two frame could get, and stretched.

"Cocktail?" Caroline asked her granddaughter.

"It is almost five o'clock."

Caroline pointed an approving finger at Brooke and replied, "Now you're getting it."

….

Waking up in the midst of sheer panic, Olivia jolted to a sitting position and ran to Noah's room. It took her several minutes, maybe half an hour of watching him, before she was able to breathe normally, but, even then, she felt shaky. Embarrassed and defeated, she tiptoed down the hall and into the kitchen to debate between tea and a glass of wine. Someday Noah would be older and he would catch her at least once during these moments and what was she going to do? How was she going to explain the fear? The overprotectiveness? And how would she square that with the fact she couldn't be there for him all the time? It had been months since the adoption was final, and she still had trouble believing it was real. The little boy she'd fallen in love with was her son. Forever. Yet, she couldn't relax.

Eventually she opted for the wine, and, after half a glass and without thinking, sent a simple "you up" text to Ed. If he wasn't up, no big deal, and, if he was, well, she'd done this before. She was past the point of pretending she was a normal person and actually got sleep. At least, she was past that point with him.

He responded a few minutes later with a yes and questioned if she was okay. She wasn't, and she told him so. Then, instead of asking, he said he would be over in fifteen minutes. Olivia didn't object.

He arrived wearing a baseball cap and clad in khaki cargo shorts and a well-worn navy blue hoodie. No matter how many times she saw him out of his work suits and ties, casually dressed Ed Tucker never failed to turn her on. She eyed his legs, still ruddy from the summer sun, then his hands as they reached for hers. He gave her a quick kiss then leaned back for a quick assessment which involved staring into her eyes long enough but not too long so she felt uncomfortable. Olivia had come to crave this type of scrutiny.

At least from him.

"What happened?" He asked without moving.

Olivia grabbed his hand and led him to the couch. She sighed, sat down, and felt herself finally relax. "I don't know….I…I woke up and had to get to Noah. I didn't, I don't remember what I was dreaming about, if it was him, or…" Olivia's voice caught in her throat.

"The other him?"

"Yeah." Olivia met his eyes then quickly diverted hers.

Ed put his arm around her and stretched his legs out on the coffee table. This wasn't the first night nor would it be last when he realized he was good enough for her simply by being there. He didn't even have to talk. In fact, it was better if he didn't. He knew, he could sense, Olivia felt better about everything-motherhood, past demons, the job-simply by sitting for a while under his arm and staring at the blank flat screen.

They stayed that way for an hour, maybe two, maybe three, until Olivia realized the sun would soon come up.

"Did you get any sleep?" She asked.

"Yeah, a little. More importantly, did you?"

"I think so…" Olivia yawned and sighed but didn't otherwise move. "When you have sleepless nights, what are they about?"

"Mostly my kids. But occasionally about some poor cop I tripped up…the ones that are guilty but aren't savvy enough to deny it convincingly…those are the ones that bug me the most."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Someone clearly didn't prep 'em. They're hangin' them out to dry. In a way, that's wrong."

"Thought you hated the thin blue line crap?"

"I do…but I guess I believe if it's gonna happen it should at least be equitable."

Olivia smiled, sat up, and cupped one side of his face. "You're more complicated than anyone would believe, Ed Tucker."

"Nah," he said and attempted a kiss at her hand, "You're just one of the few people I've ever been able to honestly talk to about…anything that matters."

Olivia smiled and let her head drop against his chest. "I hope you know you matter. You matter to me. To us."

"I know, Liv."

"And one day it won't be like this…late nights, panic attacks, no sleep."

"Even if it is," he replied, "I'll be here."

….

For almost two years, Sarah left work early on Wednesday afternoons and picked up Noah from school. However, on the first Wednesday of February, Olivia sent her an early morning apologetic text. Noah had joined the engineering club at school, and its first meeting was that afternoon.

Engineering club? Faaaancy! Sarah had written back. No big deal, but, I'm already planning to be gone this afternoon, so want me to take the twins?

Olivia's first instinct was to accept the offer and take a few hours of alone time with Ed, but she caught herself before replying. The twins, now well into their third year, were growing more independent and headstrong. The two of them together were becoming a formidable force, and it wasn't always easy for one person to wrangle the two of them. Olivia compromised with the suggestion that she and Ed drop the pair off at Sarah's apartment for a couple of hours. It was too cold and blustery for Sarah to entertain the twins outside anyway. Sarah, of course, agreed.

Maggie and Wyatt arrived at the apartment later in the afternoon, and Ed hurried Olivia out, eager for their impromptu date. The rushed goodbye didn't bother the twins-they immediately began playing with Pearl, squealing and screeching as the giant lab galloped around the living room in pursuit of whatever toy Maggie or Wyatt hurled. After they grew bored with the dog, they drew pictures, played with Play Doh, and, finally, settled in on the couch to watch shows. Sarah yawned.

"Watching you two is hard work," she said. "I'm going to call Justy and tell him to bring Chinese food."

"Noodles?" Wyatt asked hopefully.

"Yes, noodles. Sounds delicious. Right?"

Wyatt nodded, but Maggie was frowning. "Wa' P'butter and jelly!"

Sarah screwed up her face and started to inform Maggie she didn't have Peanut Butter, but then she remembered a stash of Uncrustables she kept in the freezer. They made perfect on-the-go snacks even if Justin did make fun of her for eating like a five-year-old. Sarah took two out of the freezer, and, after letting them sit for a few minutes, gave each twin one of the round sandwiches.

Maggie and Wyatt both peered at the food with curious expressions.

"It's peanut butter and jelly," Sarah said. "Take a bite."

Wyatt flipped the disc over and over, trying to make sense of what he was holding and also, probably, trying to determine whether or not it was actually food. "Whassis?" He asked in a soft, raspy toddler voice.

"Uncrustable," Sarah said. "It's a sandwich, it's all just wrapped up inside the bread. Here. Give me a bite." She tore a small piece off and showed Wyatt and Maggie the inside. "See? Grape jelly."

Convinced, the twins each took a tentative bite. They chewed and their eyes lit up. "YUM!" Maggie said with her mouth full.

"Disso good, Sah," Wyatt said.

"Right?" Sarah sat back on the couch and covered herself and the twins with a giant blanket. "Now, can we watch something other than Paw Patrol? I don't know why you're so obsessed with this show. Not everything needs to be about law enforcement."

Wyatt and Maggie nodded as if they completely understood. They were far more intrigued with their new favorite food.

"So, how about we watch something else. Something real. Like…oh, here we go! The Brady Bunch! You're gonna love this show."

An hour later Justin arrived back home and entered the apartment to find Sarah and the twins still on the couch and still munching on their new favorite treat. "What's goin on?" He said, grinning and holding up the bags of Chinese food, "Thought you wanted me to bring dinner?"

"We ha'CRUSSABLES, Jussy!" Maggie said proudly, her mouth ringed with purple jelly.

"I have egg rolls and lo mein."

Wyatt giggled. "Nooooodles!"

"Omigod, they're gonna be sick. Twinsies. Let's drink some water before we have Chinese food."

"I full Sa'Bear," Maggie said.

"Take a rest. You might be hungry in a little bit." Sarah grinned at Maggie. The little girl must have really been feeling full because she leaned against Pearl, who took up an entire cushion, and contentedly watched television.

The show caught Justin's attention next. "Uh…the Brady Bunch?"

"Yes, you know the show?"

With a screwed up face, Justin replied, "Who doesn't? I had a crush on Marcia."

For some reason, the admission made Sarah laugh more than she probably should have. Something about picturing pre-teen Justin drooling over a TV character from the Seventies made her crack up.

"Well, I'm gonna eat," Justin said. "Sare? You want me to fix you a plate?"

"Sure."

Justin turned and went to the kitchen, but he wasn't alone. Wyatt scrambled to his feet and followed. "You coo'dinner, Jussy?"

"Sorta," Justin said. "You want to help?"

Wyatt nodded. "I coo'w'Daddy!" He pointed upwards, "I si'dere!"

Justin plopped him on the island. "Good?"

"Uh-huh!"

"So, your Daddy cooks? Not Mommy?"

"Daddy," Wyatt said firmly.

"Who cleans the house?"

"Daddy."

"Who washes the clothes?"

Again, "Daddy."

"So funny," Justin said to Sarah, "Think about how different kids are gonna grow up compared to how I did, or, well, I dunno, not necessarily how you did."

Sarah frowned and rolled her eyes. "I think the first half was how you did and then my mom decided she was a modern woman. Much to her demise."

Justin handed Wyatt the bag of egg rolls and told him to put one on each plate. Turning his attention back to Sarah, he said, "Dontcha think it's weird you feel that way?"

"Why?"

"Cause you're pretty modern."

Sarah shrugged. "I guess I am. But…I don't want to do it all. It seemed to me like my mom totally…what's that expression?...threw out the baby with the bathwater?"

"Somethin' like that."

Maggie perked up. "Tay'a bath?"

"No sweetie," Sarah said but then backtracked when she took a closer look at Maggie's sticky face, "Well, uh, we may need to consider a bath actually. We'll see."

"You ha'bubbles?"

"Yes."

"Kay."

Justin chuckled. "They're getting super old sounding," he said before admiring Wyatt's food presentation skills. After the egg rolls, Wyatt scooped lo mein onto the plates with a large fork and surprisingly spilled very little onto the countertop. "Nice work, little man."

"Thanks."

"C'mon," Justin helped him down from the counter. "Where are your parents anyway?"

"Onnadate."

"Oh…where's Noah?"

"SKOO!"

"School?"

"Engineering club," Sarah said.

"What the…"

"Yeah," she replied a tad sarcastically, "School's getting really bougie nowadays."

"And you're getting pretty cynical."

"What can I say?" Sarah dipped her egg roll into the mustard, "I'm getting old."

…

Maggie twirled a heap of pasta onto her fork and grinned when it fell back onto the plate. Ever self aware, she had grown accustomed to laughing at herself. California had humbled her. People were weird there. The food was weird. Healthy. Life was different. And she was happy to get back to New York to be with her people. California, she had decided last semester, would never be "her people."

"I'm glad the boys are going to the game," Maggie said to her obviously elated mother. "We never get to spend any time together just us."

This was absolutely not true, but Olivia ignored the fact. "I'm glad too," she said, "And I'm so happy you surprised me. Us. What happened?" Olivia tucked her hair behind her ears, trying to stay low-key while also gleaning information from her child. She was certain all three never believed for a second any of her questions were innocent, but she appreciated them pretending they did.

"Ah, the Vancouver trip," she replied, "It really didn't, I didn't want to do it. Cold hiking and camping, and," Maggie's blue eyes grew filled with remorse, "Too much partying. I just…I'm kind of over it. And I wanted to come home."

Alarm bells sounded in Olivia's brain. "What do you mean you're over it?"

Maggie shrugged. "I guess I was super nerdy or lame or something in high school. Everyone there smokes weed. Some people do other drugs. I just…I just don't. I never did. Maybe that's why me and Wyatt never really were popular. The most we ever did was drink a little bit and then I threw up and Wyatt was like, nope, and that was that. I mean, I'll have a beer or something but nothing major."

"You have seen kids get very out of control…" Olivia murmured. Inside, she was swelling with pride and hoping Maggie was telling the truth. Her children might be the only teenagers and college kids who never dabbled in alcohol or drugs with any real consistency. At least that was how she imagined it.

"Yeah, so, I just wanted to come home a little early," Maggie said again. She twirled her pasta and, this time, successfully took a bite.

Olivia followed Maggie's lead and felt a tiny bit guilty about the wine which she had ordered not anticipating this conversation. "I couldn't be happier," she said, grinning, "And neither could your Dad or brothers, at least, they'll say that after the game."

Maggie giggled. "Right!"

Olivia stirred her pasta. "So how's that professor who was giving you trouble?"

Maggie groaned and stared at the beads of condensation on her water glass. "He's an old dumb jerk," she said, "But I think we've come to an agreement."

"An agreement?"

"Yes. I went to his office hours," Maggie lifted her chin and continued, "And I told him I wasn't dropping the class and I wasn't going to be quiet and also my friend is the editor of the newspaper, so, he kind of decided he better tolerate my outspokenness."

"Good for you," Olivia said, doing her best to be supportive even though she harbored some concern. After all, tenured professors were powerful and so were renowned universities like Stanford. When Maggie first reported the verbal sparring with this particular professor Olivia told her to be careful, but she and Maggie had different definitions of careful.

"Yeah, well, only a couple more months. And I'll probably get bored soon anyway. The next topics are…yawn. So he'll think he won."

Olivia smiled and watched Maggie finally take a bite. Her daughter, to a stranger and at first glance, appeared extremely feminine mostly because she had gorgeous, thick, wavy brown hair and those aqua blue eyes that needed no makeup to stand out. But in reality, Maggie was a bit of a tomboy, probably the result of growing up with two brothers, and she was the messiest, most disorganized, and quickest to disregard table manners of them all. Especially when she was hungry.

"Honey, you have sauce on your nose," Olivia said, chuckling.

"Oops," Maggie replied, her mouth still full. She swallowed before grabbing her napkin. "So, other than missing me like crazy, how are things here?"

"They're good," Olivia said, "And, after two years, we're getting used to the routine of having you across the country."

"No you're not."

Olivia grinned. "Okay, we're not. I don't think we ever will be. But…we're going back to Italy in the spring before you come home. So…that's what we've been doing. Planning."

"You've been there like ten times."

"Twice."

"You must love it there."

"We're going to do the northern part and the south of France, too, so…"

"Oooooo," Maggie smiled and winked at her mother, "Romaaaaantic. And Fancy. Should we feel upset and left out since we didn't get an invitation?"

"Oh, Noah and Wyatt are going. We didn't think you'd want to make the trip."

Shoulders slumped, Maggie cocked her head and smirked. "Ha ha."

"We took the three of you last time."

"So where are we going as a family?"

Olivia loved that Maggie, and Noah and Wyatt for that matter, always looked forward to family time. "We'll have to discuss it. As a family. This week."

Maggie peered out of the window onto the busy avenue. Pedestrians and cars and cabs whizzed by. "Sounds good," she said before turning back and sincerely adding, "I'm really glad to be home."

Olivia smiled and tried not to cry. "Me too, sweet girl. Me too."

…..

Ed and Olivia waited in the lower school lobby for the Engineering Club students to be ushered out by their teachers. "We're horrible," Olivia whispered, "We shouldn't have had that third glass of wine."

"We're not the only parents here who came from happy hour," Ed murmured under his breath. "And all I smell is that new shampoo you're using."

"It's not new."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

Olivia eyed a couple on the other side of the room who looked familiar and also looked like they were about to walk over and say hello, but, to her relief, the kids burst through the doors and ran to their various parents and caregivers. Noah bounded over, bundled up in his parka, and gave each of his parents a hug. "Hey, where're dose babies?"

"With Sarah," Olivia replied, "We're going to get them now."

Noah giggled. "Sare Bear took care of em?"

"Yes. What do you think about that?"

"I think she's prolly tired," Noah replied matter-of-factly.

Ed chuckled and mussed his hair before plucking the beanie cap from the parka pocket. "Better put this on, pal."

"Kay." Noah jammed on the hat.

"So, how was club?" Olivia asked.

"Wellll," Noah replied, "S'was a little boring."

"Oh no."

"Lotta rules and talking and then we built a straw tower but we're always buildin' straw towers!"

"Straw towers?" Ed asked.

"You know," Noah replied, "With straws like da ones you drink outta and tape. But next time we're gonna do some stuff with robots so that's gonna be cool."

"Huh," Ed muttered, "From straws to robots."

Olivia shot him a quick, amused glare and focused her attention back on Noah. "Sweet boy, you must be hungry. Sarah and Justin ordered Chinese, so you can have something to eat there and then we'll go home."

"Fun!" Noah exclaimed, "They're always comin' over but now we're hangin' out over there!"

"Yeah, they owe us about fifty visits," Ed guessed.

"Daddy!" Noah half-giggled and half-reprimanded, "Fam'ly doesn't keep score."

Olivia and Ed exchanged awestruck glances. "Honey," she said, "Where did you learn that?"

"Sare Bear."

"Oh…"

Ed grinned and shook his head.

Olivia elbowed him in the side.

The light changed and Noah grabbed their hands. He wedged himself between two touristy-looking people lingering on the curb too long after it was safe to cross. As they stepped into the crosswalk, Olivia swore he shot the pair a quick, annoyed eye roll. Her boy, the baby she had rescued years ago, was growing up far too fast.

…..

#Tuckson