243. I'm a little behind from the holidays, but let's pick this thing back up! Also-I'm not sure why, but the site is no longer sending emails to notify readers of updates. Be sure to check back every week or so!

The adults kept track of the hunt for the shooter via phone alerts. Ed briefly turned on the news, but Noah ran over and parked himself on the couch, a little too eager to watch for Olivia's liking. So, after the kitchen was cleaned up, they sat down at the table to play Skip Bo and wait for Sarah and G who had gone to FAO Schwarz in search of a gift for the child of G's friend who was coming to stay with her the next weekend.

Noah was extremely interested in the visit and asked rapid-fire questions while they played cards.

"Is da kid a boy or a girl?"

"I dunno," Justin said.

"How old?"

"Not sure. Maybe five," he guessed.

"Where do they live?"

"Probably down south where G's from."

"Texas?"

"No, not Texas."

"I wanna go to Texas."

Ed, Olivia, and Justin looked at one another as if to say, we know.

Maggie was sitting on Justin's lap. He handed her the card he wanted to play next and pointed to the corresponding pile. She laid the card, squirmed to turn around, and said, "Dere. May kissmass, Jusssy!"

"Merry Christmas, Maggs," he replied dutifully. It was at least the tenth time she'd wished him a Merry Christmas. "Ya know, there are some of those stores that have Christmas decorations all year long, that's maybe gonna be a good job for you one day, girl."

"No May Kissmass?" Maggie peered intently at her brother.

Noah sighed and replied, "Merry Christmas, Maggs."

It was Ed's turn next, and he made several plays before discarding. Wyatt was in his lap and fighting sleep. His head lolled about, then he would snap to for a second, smile, and close his eyes again.

"Ed, let's put him in bed before he conks his head on the table," Olivia said.

Ed cradled Wyatt and didn't seem to want to give him up, but he nodded anyway and put down his cards. "Be right back." He tossed Wyatt over his shoulder and the little boy put his arms securely around his Daddy's neck. His feet dangled and he smacked his lips.

"So precious," Olivia murmured.

"Mommy?" Noah asked, "Why does everrone look cuter when they're asleep?"

Justin couldn't help but laugh. Olivia chuckled, too. "Well, honey, I think it's because we're all so at peace when we're asleep," she said, "And when we're at peace, we look relaxed and happy. That's probably it."

"Yeah." Noah may have wanted to say more, but it was his turn. His smile grew larger with each card he played. Even when it was clear his turn was over, he sat back and smugly waited for Ed to return. Before that happened, though, Sarah and G arrived.

"We're baaaaack!" Sarah sing-songed in the foyer. Ed paused, glared, and nodded toward the bedroom, but Sarah had already heard Maggie's voice from the dining area. "Wyatt won't wake up," she said as she kicked off her boots. "What's for dinner?"

Ed rolled his eyes and grumbled. Olivia stood up, hugged Sarah and G, and told them there was lasagna in the fridge. "But not much," she added. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay," Sarah replied, "We had a couple of drinks. Dirty martinis with blue cheese stuffed olives…that oughta hold us over for a bit."

Justin had his hands full so he shot Sarah a relieved, affectionate grin. "Was worried about you," he said before turning his attention to G and saying, "Hey, neighbor."

"Hey," G replied. Her face was flushed, not from the cold but from the late afternoon drinking date with Sarah. As a result, she was feeling more chatty than usual. "We had no idea. But when we got out of the store we noticed way more police than usual standing around, looking all business-"

"-and then I checked my phone and there you were thinking I was on lockdown," Sarah interjected.

"We did lockdown," Noah said, "No one in or out of da school."

Olivia's eyes widened. "Did you have to hide?"

"No, we jus' did our work with the shades down."

Olivia had more questions, but Sarah had no intention of dwelling on darkness. "Anyway," she said, "I'm sure they'll get him. We have the best police department in the entire world. Noey, did you get everything you needed at the university?"

"Yes, but we didn't get to see inside any buildings."

"I'll take ya again," Justin said. "And I owe you a race."

"A race?" G asked.

"Yeah," Noah said matter-of-factly, "There's like a hundred steps going up to da library and we were gonna race 'em."

"Oh wow," G said, "You have to be in good shape to race those steps."

"I got da Presidential Physical Fitness Award last year," Noah replied. "I have da certificate."

"Oh…" G was so amused she wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"Mommy, do you think we're gonna have school tomorrow?" Noah asked.

"I'm sure you will."

"Even if da bad guy is still out there?"

"I bet they'll get him before school starts."

"If you were still p'lice you prolly woulda got him arready."

"Probably."

"Or Daddy."

"Nah," Ed said as he continued playing and eventually won. He grinned. "Mommy's a better cop, but I'm the better Skip-Bo player," he announced.

Olivia pretended to force a smile. "I have never beaten you in Skip-Bo," she admitted.

"But have you ever arrested him?" Sarah asked, a twinkle in her eye.

Noah giggled.

Justin and G exchanged uneasy glances.

Ed and Olivia groaned.

Sarah gleefully skipped into the kitchen. "Since we're stuck here for a little bit, how about a toast?"

"Stuck here?" Ed asked.

"Yes, Daddy, we couldn't possibly risk going back downtown right now," Sarah said, "Now, where's the wine opener?"

….

Across the river in Brooklyn, Sonny showed up at the bar where Aidan worked and parked himself on a stool until the young man appeared. He greeted Sonny with a smile but since he was balancing meals on a large tray, breezed past him without saying much of a hello. When he returned, he was apologetic but still in a hurry. "Sorry," he said, "What's up?"

"Just checkin' on you," Sonny said, "Brooke was worried. You know, about the shootings."

Aidan shrugged. "They said he was headed to Manhattan."

"Still," Sonny said, "Brooke's worried. I'm worried. So, here I am."

Aidan eyed his waistline. "With no gun."

"True," Sonny said helplessly, "With no gun."

"Want a drink?"

"Sure, I'll have a beer, whatever your lightest draft is."

"Alright." Even though Sonny had never seen Aidan act as bartender, the kid grabbed a glass and poured a perfect pint. "On the house," he said.

Sonny nodded at his skinny, pallid, unkempt brother-in-law who did not at all look like he had the authority to serve anything on the house. Sonny knew Aidan had had his share of trauma, but he nevertheless thought it odd how, almost overnight, the awkward teenage lacrosse player had turned into someone almost unrecognizable. He let his hair grow long, he had nose and ear piercings, and he sported a tattoo on his arm which Sonny assumed was a tribute to his mother but the lines were so pronounced and dark against his paperwhite skin that he'd been hesitant to take a close look.

"Thanks," Sonny said, "You want to come over for dinner after your shift?"

"I close tonight," Aidan said, "Just got here."

"Long night for me then."

"I'll be fine," Aidan replied. "Want me to call when I'm done?"

"Yes. And call when you're home."

"I might go out."

"Just text us, okay? Let us know you're safe."

"Sure." Aidan started walking away then turned back and asked, "Why do you care so much?"

Sonny screwed up his face. It was a good question. He and Brooke hadn't exactly sought Aidan out while he was living with his father out west and it was only the chance meeting back in New York that reunited them.

"You're family," Sonny said, "We worry about each other."

Aidan certainly knew this was a lame response, but he maintained a nonchalant composure.

"I'll text," he said, "You don't have to stay."

"I'll stay for another round," Sonny said, "I like this place."

Aidan shrugged again. "The mac and cheese special is good tonight," he offered, "If you're hungry, try it."

Sonny smiled appreciatively and raised his glass. "I might try that," he said, "Thanks."

…..

Everyone in the Tucker family had a post-Christmas task to complete, but Maggie was the only person dragging her feet to complete her assignment. As Olivia and Ed carefully wrapped the ornaments, she sulked at the island. Her pleas to keep the lights up for one more week had been denied. Ed and Olivia left the tree up for an extra night, but, at last, the time had come to say goodbye to the holidays.

Having already finished with his chores, Wyatt came into the kitchen and started collecting the items Maggie was supposed to be placing in one of the smaller plastic bins. He carefully folded the towels and placed them on the bottom before adding breakables.

"Gonna let your brother do all the work?" Ed asked from across the room.

"I'm protesting," Maggie replied indignantly.

Ed rolled his eyes and knew Olivia was glaring at him, for, after the eye roll, he did everything he could to suppress his grin. Maggie, even when she was being stubborn or sassy or both, always made him laugh. She was always so matter-of-fact and steadfast in her defiance, even when the effort, like the attempt to hold onto Christmas, was futile.

"Santa's watching for next year ya know."

Ten-year-old Maggie was still enough on the fence about the Santa question that she half-heartedly helped Wyatt with the rest of the kitchen clean up. Afterwards, she sidled up to Olivia at the almost-bare tree, sighed, and said, "Bye, season of cheer and goodwill."

Maggie's farewell was so melodramatic, even the sympathetic Olivia had to chuckle. "It'll be here again before we know it," she said, "And there's so much fun in between! Think about it…what's next…Valentine's Day! And birthdays!"

"Your birthday first," Maggie said as she grinned up at her mother.

"Yes."

"We'll have a huge celebration!"

"Okay."

Ed smirked. Maggie had inherited Sarah's gift for extravagant thinking.

"Daddy, we have to plan this," Maggie said.

"We will." Ed assessed the tree and crouched to loosen it from the base. "But, before that, let's get this thing downstairs. Ed jostled the trunk a bit and Maggie held the stand legs so he could lift it further.

"I'll help ya carry it," Maggie offered.

"Thanks, Maggs. We gotta be careful in the hall. Don't want to get needles everywhere."

"We'll be super careful."

Wyatt and Noah also wanted to help, so the four of them set out, very slowly, down the hall and to the elevator. On the ground floor, Wyatt announced there were very few needles left behind but he nevertheless offered to sweep the floor. The doorman complimented Wyatt and Ed but declined the offer. He would take care of it later, after a few more trees had made their descent to the street.

"It looks like the whole forest out here!" Noah said, observing the curbside rows of discarded pines.

"What do they do with all these trees?" Maggie asked.

"Turn them into mulch," Ed replied, "We'll see 'em again in the park in the spring."

"Wow…."

Wyatt, Noah, and Ed turned to go back inside, but Maggie stood solemnly in her place on the sidewalk.

"Goodbye, tree," she said, "You were the best tree we've had in our whole life. You and Santa brought us a lot of good presents."

The boys went inside. Ed waited patiently for Maggie to finish her eulogy. When she was done, she peered forlornly up and down the street as if she were lost as to what to do next. "No more lights," she mumbled as she walked slowly toward Ed, "No more songs."

"Ah, cheer up," Ed replied, tugging at the ear flaps of her winter hat, "There are good times to be had."

Maggie shrugged.

"There's still snow…want to get the sled? Go to the park?"

"No."

"A movie?"

"No."

"Bowling?"

Maggie's face brightened slightly.

Ed grinned and put his arm around his starting-to-be-less-bummed-out daughter. They might have to take a drive to find open lanes, but he didn't care. Family bowling sounded like the perfect way to spend a frigid winter afternoon.

….

A week after his first attempt to race the Columbia library stairs, Noah finally got his chance to run them with Justin. Triumphant, he stood at the top among the students filtering in and out of the building and grinned as Justin breathlessly hoofed it to the designated finish line. "You beat me," he said, pretending to gasp for air as he made a show of stretching his back muscles.

"Dat was a long race!" Noah exclaimed, "S'okay if you're tired, Justy. When you're here at school you can run it again and get in shape!"

Justin doubled over in laughter and assured him he would do that. They went into the library and walked around for a bit. Noah, predictably, was dazzled by the arches, stacks of books, and seemingly endless corridors and rooms. He considerately made sure to make as little noise as possible when they walked by someone studying, and he stayed close to Justin, a little intimidated by the vastness of the building.

"Dis is a lot bigger than my library at school!" Noah joked when they were back outside.

"I bet," Justin replied, "I'll have to visit one day. But, hey, let's go. I have another surprise for you."

"Really? What is it?"

"You'll see."

Justin led Noah across campus to one of the classroom buildings. Built in the early 20th century and featuring more stately arches and pillars, Noah was as impressed as he'd been with the library. "Are we goin' to your office, Justy?"

"Sure, we can go there," he replied, "But first, I want you to meet my advisor. He's a professor and is teaching a class right now. I told him we would drop in and say hi."

"I'm going to college?"

"Yup."

Justin nodded to the professor who was in the middle of a lecture when they walked in. He and Noah took a seat in the back. The room itself, to Justin at least, wasn't all that impressive, at least not architecturally. Nevertheless, Noah slowly looked around, soaking it all in before finally locking in on the presentation screen.

"Justy," he whispered a few minutes later, "I didn't bring a notebook!"

"That's okay," Justin said as he pulled a small steno pad out of his interior coat pocket. "Here ya go." He handed over a pen and smiled as he saw Noah write the date and title the page College. A few minutes later the professor told the students to spend a few minutes debating a conflict/consensus scenario and he came over and greeted Justin and Noah with a huge smile.

"Well, hello there," he offered his hand and Noah shook it, "I'm Dr. Niemann."

"Hi, I'm Noah."

Dr. Niemann adjusted his wire rimmed glasses and asked, "Are you thinking of enrolling here?"

Noah giggled, "Maybe…but I'm in second grade!"

"Well, someday. You can visit anytime," he peered at the notes. Noah had copied down a few key words-struggle, cohesion, norms, and hegemony. "You must be a very good student."

"I get all A's," Noah said confidently.

"And he aced his Presidential Physical Fitness test," Justin added.

"Ah! Well rounded. That's good. And exercise is good for the brain," Dr. Neimann added. "So you keep it up."

"I will," Noah sincerely replied.

"Thanks for letting us come by," Justin said, "We've been to the library. Going to stop by my office then we'll head out. I'll see you early tomorrow?"

"Good deal. Not too early though," Dr. Niemann winked at Noah, "Maybe nine."

Justin grinned and nodded. He had always been an early riser-he'd had to be when he was younger and the habit stuck-none of his professors were early birds, so he had often put in hours of work before they'd even poured their first coffee of the day.

"Nice meeting you, Noah," Dr. Niemann said, "Come back soon. Hang onto those notes."

"Kay!" Noah was so thrilled he said the word a little louder than he'd meant to and a few students turned to look at him. "Sorry," he said with a sheepish grin.

"Don't apologize," Niemann said, "Learning should be joyful." He stared at Noah pointedly, "Never forget that."

"I won't."

"Good. And have Justin take you to the pastry shop down the street. Perfect place to go over those notes."

"Justy, can we?"

Justin and his advisor exchanged glances. "Of course."

Noah stood up and carefully closed the notebook. He handed it back to Justin along with the pen and then, sounding far too world-weary for an eight-year-old, remarked, "Good thing there aren't any bad guys out there today."

Dr. Niemann was extremely interested in the comment. Justin took a deep breath and stood up, acting as a barrier between his young charge and his mentor who obviously would have relished the opportunity to poke around a little more in Noah's young, innocent, yet very perceptive head.

"See you tomorrow," Justin said.

Niemann smiled in concession. "Don't forget, not before-"

"-NINE!" Noah chimed in.

"Exactly," Niemann patted Justin's shoulder, "See you then."

….

Ed's eyes danced more than usual when he and Olivia clinked wine glasses over their shared antipasto plate and Olivia asked him why he was so happy on this particular evening. He shrugged, sipped, and speculated it was probably because he'd had a good day and was now having dinner with her. Olivia briefly ducked her head then lifted her chin and smiled.

"Same here," she replied. "You know…I was thinking today…while I listened to Fin and Rollins and then Rollins and Carisi bicker with each other…that it really is lonely at the top, but, it's not all that bad. No partner to argue with."

"I'm sure there's plenty of debate in that squad room."

"Oh there is, but it's different."

Ed swirled the wine in his glass. "I've had some healthy debates with my partners. Cole's probably been the best for me-he's got that quiet grace about him. Doesn't rattle easily-"

"-you do?"

"I have less patience for bullshit."

"I can see that."

Olivia took a drink and glanced around the space. It was one of the new gastropubs that seemed to be popping up everywhere. Whenever she suggested a new place to Ed he was always game to try them out with her. It was a small detail, but an important one.

"Stabler and I got into a few heated exchanges over the years," she said, trying to sound as if bringing up Stabler wasn't a big deal. It was one topic both she and Ed avoided.

"Prob-" Ed caught himself before he finished his first thought which was that getting into an argument with Stabler would not have been difficult to do. "Probably would've been interesting to watch," he said.

"Sometimes," Olivia replied lightheartedly.

A few moments of silence passed before Ed asked a more probing question. "You know where he ended up?"

Olivia sighed. "No…not exactly. Do you?"

Ed smiled. "Believe it or not, I don't. You want me to find out?"

"No," Olivia said softly and sincerely. "I hope he's happy. I hope he's found some peace. And, I wish…I wish I would have had the opportunity to tell him that myself. That's the tough part for me. One day he was there and then he wasn't. I'm sure he was ashamed or embarrassed or didn't want to deal with me trying to convince him to stay-which I wouldn't have done-but I would've appreciated the closure…after all those years." Olivia looked at Ed intently, waiting for a response which he was clearly still working on. "I guess," she added, "I sound a little selfish."

"Not at all," Ed replied. "Look. Every single one of my partners, even the ones I had for a few weeks or months, all of them…it was tough when they were reassigned or I was transferred. So I'm sure…it was far worse for you."

"Like someone died…"

Ed reached for her hand. "I'm sorry that didn't go down differently, Liv. I really am. But…maybe I shouldn't say this or maybe you need or don't need to hear it, but, retiring was totally his decision. We didn't push him one way or the other."

"Thank you for that," Olivia said. "I figured it was, but…I don't know, you can go into those Internal Affairs rooms and be told one thing and leave with all kinds of thoughts racing through your mind."

"That's by design."

Olivia picked up on Ed's attempt at levity. She squeezed his hand, signaling the tough part of the evening was over. "It's nice to talk about this when I'm in a good space," she said, "Every other time I've thought about Elliot, well, let's just say it hasn't been when I've been happy."

"So this is a good sign, right? You talkin' about him now?"

"I think so."

The waiter came over and they ordered their meals. Ed wasn't ready, but he quickly spotted short ribs so he ordered those. Olivia chuckled. "What?" he asked.

"You order short ribs a lot."

"I do?"

"You do…you must like them."

"They're very good on the grill," Ed replied, "When the weather gets warmer we'll have to go up to Riverdale and hang out with my mom and barbecue some short ribs. She'll tell me I'm doing it all wrong, but it'll be a good meal."

"I'd love that."

"We'll do a hot dog for Noah."

Olivia shrugged. "You never know…he's getting to be less picky. Yesterday Lucy brought over a gyro and he had a few bites and didn't gag, so, we could be turning a corner on that front."

"You ever think about taking one of those cooking classes? You go in, have some wine, learn how to make something? I was walking by some kitchen store and the people in there looked like they were having fun."

"I have no patience for cooking," Olivia tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "Might be from all these years of eating on the run or at my desk or in a patrol car. But I'd go with you."

"Let's do it," Ed replied, "If we hate it, we don't have to go back."

"Deal."

"We can have our picture taken and send it to the department," Ed joked.

Olivia laughed and added, "The days of keeping a low profile are over."

"Yeah…" Ed murmured. "How are you doing with that?"

Her reply was immediate and firm. "It all feels so normal now. I think my squad is still pretty intrigued, but they're not dancing around your name anymore. They're not exchanging the weird glances when I mention you."

"You mention me?" Ed leaned flirtatiously across the table.

"Of course," Olivia leaned in too so she was almost whispering, "You're part of my life."

They managed a kiss and another poignant look before sitting back in their chairs. The noise around them faded and they escaped into their familiar, secure, impenetrable bubble. It was happening more often now-this sense of solidarity and connectedness-even when they were alone in her apartment, very often, the best moments were the ones spent sitting next to each other in the dim light, saying nothing but communicating so much.

When the waiter returned again, this time to see if they wanted another bottle of wine, he paused as he normally would when he approached a table engaged in conversation before apologizing and nodding when Ed asked for another few minutes. He retreated to the corner of the bar and tried not to stare at what he later realized was two people falling madly in love.

…..

Noah could not contain himself when he returned from "college." He was so excited yet so exhausted from the big day that he practically fell asleep mid-sentence while sitting in one of the twins' beanbags.

"I went to class and took notes! Den I went to Justy's office and, and, he has a phone and a big desk and like a hundred books-" yawn "- "He showed me da book he's writing with Dr. Neimann and, and, didja know he's gonna be Dr. Justy in one year?" Another yawn. Eye rub. "We got a snack at da pastry shop den Justy said 'I'm hungry for real food' so we got sandwiches even though we had dessert-" yawn "-first."

And then he was out.

Maggie and Wyatt were still awake, and they hovered over their big brother, curious and shocked at the never-before-seen crash. Noah rarely fell asleep before them on any night, so the three-year-olds were fascinated. Ed carried Noah to his room and changed his clothes without incident. He and Olivia read books with Maggie and Wyatt and the twins went to bed more easily than usual. Ed wondered aloud if they could bribe Noah to at least pretend to fall asleep each night, at least during the week.

With the little ones in their rooms, Olivia turned off the brighter lamps, lit a few candles, and lowered the setting on the recessed ceiling lights. She sat on the couch and Ed leaned over the backrest and whispered in her ear. "Want wine?"

"Hmm…what are you having?"

"Bourbon."

"I think I'll have one, too."

Ed playfully raised his eyebrows and replied, "You got it." He brought over the drinks and smirked as Olivia scooted over to nestle in under his arm. It was their favorite spot-him on the chaise end and her by his side. Ed saw the remote control on the coffee table, but he didn't want to move at the moment. After a toast and first sips, Olivia put her glass down and draped an arm across his chest.

"Can you imagine what it's going to be like when they all go to college? For real?"

"Maybe they'll all go to Columbia or NYU."

"Ha! I don't think we're going to get that lucky."

"You can tell already?" Ed asked.

"I guess I just assume they'll want to get away…see somewhere new…that's what I wanted, even though I didn't go very far."

"We'll visit," Ed kissed the top of her head reassuringly. "We won't have anything else to do."

Olivia smiled, but voiced a concern. "What are we going to do when they don't need us anymore?"

"They always need you," Ed said, speaking from experience, "Not as often, but they need you. And we get along pretty good, don't you think? We'll figure out something to do. We'll join a pickleball league or something."

"Pickleball?"

"Yeah, it's all the rage. We'd kick ass."

"College visits and pickleball…" Olivia murmured.

"Doesn't sound too bad to me."

"You're right, it doesn't."

"And we can spend more time at the beach house. Put some heaters on the porch for the fall. It'll be nice."

"It will be," Olivia agreed and her face broke into a smile as she added, "I'm sure there are pickleball leagues there, too."

"Probably. We'll take this show on the road." Ed took another swig of his bourbon. "You want to watch something?"

"In a few minutes," Olivia replied, "Right now…I want this."

Ed kissed her again and whispered, "Me too."

…..

#Tuckson