Hello, we're back! Hope you like this chapter! My drawing is in deviantart and you can check Miz's account Quantumseahorse in Tumblr to see the drawing she made!
Before summer of 2017, Seb received Mabel, Dipper and Dillon's high school graduation invitations. High school. They had finished high school! Why was time moving so fast? Seb couldn't believe it. Was it because he killed Time Baby? Was the flow of time going faster because of it? Because his kids were so big and his other kids were graduating from high school. He could remember when he first saw them as babies, so small and tiny and wailing nonstop…
He was invited to their graduation. As the seats were limited, only he travelled to California for it and then he'd go to New York for Dillon's. Mabel and Dipper looked so grown up, wearing their gowns and hats and holding their diplomas... They looked so happy… Dipper was given another diploma for being 2nd in his class and Mabel got a special diploma from the school, for being an 'honorable student' which was basically being friendly, kind, getting average grades and doing many activities.
Shermie cried the entire time. So embarrassing.
Mabel finally finished taking photos with her friends and teachers before joining her family which was waiting for her to get THEIR photos. "Aahh! Is my makeup still on?!" She threw herself over her mom, who laughed and examined her face before saying "Yep! You're still fine, sweetie." Sherman wiped a happy, proud tear.
"Oh my god! Guys, I'm so, so happy you're here for us! And I'm so glad Dillon's graduation is next week so you ALL could come for us!" She squealed. She wasn't wearing her graduation gown now, just a pretty red dress and short heels. Dipper was wearing a suit and Paz was holding his arm in a light blue dress. She had her graduation before them and Dipper travelled to be with her.
If that wasn't love, Mabel didn't know what was.
"Of course, pumpkin, we wouldn't miss it for anything!" Stan exclaimed. "AAANDD I came first because I care more and I'm the best uncle!" Seb declared proudly. Wanda and the twins weren't here, so he could be more immature than normal.
Abigail sighed. Oh here they went again…
"Oh yeah?! Who bought them presents?!"
"Please~I don't need to rely on material things to be the best!" Seb scoffed and Stan said mockingly "Please~! You just can't accept that I'm the best uncle."
"What's Dipper's real name?" Seb raised an eyebrow and Stanley froze. Dipper turned around at the mention of his name and Shermie snorted loudly.
"Uh…Diptholomew! I dunno!" Stan crossed his arms. Shermie and Abigail almost had a seizure from how HARD they were laughing, and poor Dipper just groaned and facepalmed. Did his uncle SERIOUSLY not know his real name after...what?! 4 years?!
Mabel also snorted and was very much enjoying watching her uncles fight over them. That was adorable! She looked to her right, and noticed Uncle Stanford standing there, unamused by his brothers' fight and Stanley's apparent lack of knowledge about their nephew's name. He was keeping his hands behind his back all serious and nerdy and he was alone! Sure, her other uncles were alone right now, but Uncle Ford was always alone and didn't have anyone to love!
Mabel cracked her knuckles. She wasn't an unofficial matchmaker for NOTHING! "Mabel's got a plan~" she whispered to herself…
-.-
It wasn't even a day after Dillon's graduation when Ford heard a happy Soos knocking on his lab's door. "Hey Dr. Dude! Look who came!"
Ford sighed tiredly, stood up and walked towards the door, only to be surprised by the super tackle Mabel gave him. "Hi, uncle Ford! I'm staying here for a month! Or the entire summer if it's necessary! Isn't that great?!" She freed her uncle and Ford chuckled sheepishly. "Oh. Alright, that-that's ok...you can stay here for the summer...if you wish?" When the twins were younger, he hadn't really acted like a caretaker for them, busy with the portal, and you know, panicking over Bill. When his family stayed here he didn't have to take care of his niblings, just be there, everyone did the rest, so he was a bit clueless as to how to do this. Mabel was a teen now though, he was sure it couldn't be that hard to give her food and that stuff...right?
"Your parents know you're here?" "Yup!" "Ok then...I guess it's alright."
"GREAT!" Mabel squealed with a huge smile on her face. "We're going to have so much fun this summer!" Ford nodded slowly and looked around. Soos was gone by now. "Um...are you...alone? Dipper didn't come with you?" He didn't see the boy but he had sort of assumed.
The comment made the brunette girl's smile decrease a little bit. "Um...no, it's just me...Dipper is taking some classes and working and that adult stuff…" Mabel shifted from foot to foot. "I know you like hanging out with Dipper more than with me…" She rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly.
Stanford's eyes widened when he realized he hurt her. "No! NO! I didn't mean it like that, Mabel!" He winced. Ford knew that Mabel and Dipper had lived here for a whole summer, so having only Mabel here should be half the work, right? "It's fine if it's only you. I…" He thought about what to say, what Ashton had coached him on. "I don't know you very well, so… this… is actually a good opportunity to do so." He managed to save himself last minute.
Mabel beamed. "Yes! We should seriously get to know each other this summer!" Her smile turned sly. "And~ I will help you find a girlfriend! Or boyfriend! Either one works for me."
"Ex-Cuse me?!" Ford faltered. This was not what he had in mind!
-.-
Mabel installed herself in the attic. It felt a little lonely without Dipper here, but she had her (not anymore) baby pig to keep her company! "You can sleep on Dipper's bed. He'll never know~" she told Waddles and he seemed thrilled to climb right up and roll around. Mabel grinned and snapped a photo to share with her twin. Dipper responded with a deadpanning emoji and a [Just make sure he doesn't poop on my bed!]
She let her uncle work, just a few hours, until it was lunch time, and went to bother him once again. "Uncle Fooordd~ You can't starve yourself in my presence! I made Mabel Juice! You never tried it but you shooooould~!"
Ford, inside his lab, massaged his temples before taking a deep breath. Fine. Ok. He will accept he couldn't get much work done while his niece was here. And he was SO going to get lunch, he had a cup of coffee right here! But Mabel was still demanding attention and because he was a good person, actively trying to be more social, he would listen to her and give her the required attention.
Ford joined everyone for lunch and Melody seemed very surprised with his tall presence. "Hey~ It seems Mabel's presence is good for you, Ford~!" Ford sent her a funny smile and sat down.
Mabel was quite content at how...friendly Ford was with Soos, Melody and Abuelita. They were housemates! It was so cute. And so, so different from when she first stayed here. Moody, hermit crab to kinda social uncle was a great improvement! She looked down at her phone and the list she had made of all the uncle-niece bonding activities she'd thought up for this summer. Dipper wasn't the only one who liked making lists of stuff. The difference was, Mabel actually knew how to adapt when things didn't work out the way she originally planned. She was really looking forward to addressing the things on this list though...
And that was how Ford found himself roped into Karaoke with his niece.
"Mabel, I know you like singing, but I am not very good at it." Ford winced as he held the mic. He hadn't sung in years, he… hadn't sung since he was a child and his brothers dragged him along to do so. Or music class in elementary school! And… He didn't like it very much...
"Oh, uncle Ford, uncle Ford~ Karaoke is not about sounding GOOD, it's about sounding terrible Together~" Her eyes sparkled. "Besides, singing saves lives!" Mabel shrugged as she searched for the right song. Ford rolled his eyes. "Right. And how exactly does it save lives?"
"When your dumb nephew raised the undead that summer we stayed here, we found in your journal, which you had written in with invisible ink like a big jerk, hiding important information, that you could defeat zombies with a…" Mabel didn't remember the word used.
"A perfect three part harmony?!" Ford asked incredulously. "You fought zombies?!"
"Yeah! We even cured Soos! He got bitten."
So that was why zombies occasionally rose back...He always thought the zombies were a result from Weirdmageddon. But it appeared Dipper had raised the dead… and probably never recited the counter-spell to make them stop coming back, though the magic behind the spell was much weaker now, leading to only the occasional undead uprising. Ford made a note to look up what the counter spell was… and then remembered that they'd thrown the journals into the bottomless pit (he only wrote down the most scientific things in there to publish his research) so he would simply have to figure it out again on his own. Well, it wasn't much of an issue anyway, the magic was fading and the townsfolk had gotten used to dealing with them as well.
Mabel poked her uncle's chest. "Hey! How did you know singing killed zombies? Have you raised the dead too?" She raised an eyebrow. Ford winced. "I did. It wasn't pleasant. I actually found out how to rupture their skulls by accident, I was chased back into my house by them and in the ensuing battle, I knocked over my radio and it turned on. I was quite lucky."
Mabel gasped. "You see?! Saved by music!"
Ford corrected her, "Saved by auditory vibrations within the correct wavelengths."
Mabel rolled her eyes. "That's what music IS! Accept it!" Ford sighed. "Ok. I'll give up."
"Done! I found the perfect song!" Mabel pressed play. Ford's eye narrowed even more as the music played.
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies (All the single ladies)
All the single ladies
Now put your hands up
"I'm not singing that." Ford deadpanned.
"Are you a single lady?!" Mabel questioned. "I'm single, yes, but not a lady." Ford deadpanned again.
"You're just scared!" Mabel taunted. "You're scared of looking fabulous!"
"...I'm quite sure that's not the issue here." Ford rubbed his face. "I'm simply not about to embarrass myself by trying and failing to do something I know I'm not good at."
"Chiiiiicken~" Mabel teased. Ford rolled his eyes. "You're not going to make me give in from such childish tactics." Mabel just poked Ford in the side, making him jump, he was a little ticklish. "Chiiiiicken~" Mabel teased again.
Up in the club (club)
Just broke up (up)
I'm doing my own little thing
Mabel waved the microphone in front of the man's face. Ford rolled his eyes. "You're not going to make me sing." He said stubbornly. Well, too bad for him, Pines stubbornness ran in the family and Mabel wasn't backing down either. "It's a bonding exercise. Didn't you say you wanted to hang out with me and bond?" Mabel switched tactics, something she learned from uncle Seb and Stan in manipulation, she began sniffling.
Ford, who was closing his eyes and crossing his arms, looked up at the sad sounds. Despite living in a pawnshop throughout his entire childhood, living with a father like his, with the brothers he had, and dealing with Bill Cipher, Ford learnt absolutely nothing about manipulation.
"Mabel…"
Mabel rubbed her eyes. "I-I just thought we could have a nice karaoke night...but well, I see I don't have anything in common with you, I can't even choose something you'd like to do with me…" The girl sighed and slowly stood up to turn off the machine.
Ford grimaced, not getting at all her sadness was fake as heck. "I-I am sorry, Mabel, I didn't mean to hurt you...If-If this really means a lot to you…" He sighed in defeat. Pines were stubborn, but they didn't want their family to hurt. "I guess we can sing this…" He clenched his teeth.
"GREAT!" Mabel cheered as she hugged him. She felt a little bad for manipulating him like this, but he needed to learn to loosen up and just do stuff without worrying over how embarrassed he'd get from it. If something made him feel embarrassed, that meant he was being held back from living his life to the fullest, right? So learning to get over his inhibitions was only going to be good for him!
Don't pay him any attention
I cried my tears (tears)
For three good years (years)
You can't be mad at me
"Cause if you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it! If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it!" Mabel stood up and danced around her uncle as she sang. She didn't know the choreography but she moved around exaggeratedly, moving her shoulders and hips. Ford couldn't help but find it rather… adorable? Ah… he wasn't used to this feeling. Was this… enjoying himself?
He was pretty stiff at first, he really thought he couldn't sing and it's been decades since he sang, but when his attempts to sing weren't laughed at by Mabel, nor was he mocked for not knowing the words, he started relaxing, humming along to the tune whenever he really didn't know the words. Mabel chose many songs from the 80s and 90s, hoping that perhaps Ford would recognize a few.
Mabel's eyes widened as more songs from the old days played and her uncle got more into it. He was holding the microphone with both hands, very passionately, like when Dipper got into it as well.
He actually sang very pretty damn great! What the hell?! Why would he hate karaoke?!
The next song was from when uncle Ford was a teen, that's what he said at least, and he was smiling like a very happy owl. Mabel recognized the song because it was a meme, but the song was still nice. He hit all the notes perfectly and Mabel's jaw dropped. He was… actually REALLY good. What the actual hell?!
"Never gonna let you down! Never gonna run around and desert you~!" Mabel was quite sure her uncle had no idea that song was a meme. Well, she joined in singing, it was adorable and the song wasn't bad!.
They took a break to prepare snacks and Mabel narrowed her eyes at him with a grin. "You nerd liar! You can sing pretty damn well!" She poked him in the chest. "Why'd you say you weren't any good?!"
Ford blushed and awkwardly looked away. "Eh...It's very embarrassing to sing…"
"No it's not! You're great!" Mabel insisted. "Your voice is amazing~" She wanted to get him to sing together with the whole family now. "I bet uncle Seb would love to sing together with you."
Ford rolled his eyes. "Sebastian lived singing. I was dragged into it too many times. I'm not-" but Mabel interrupted ''Then it'll be familiar to you! GASP! We should bring back Love Patrol Alpha from retirement in our next family reunion! Featuring Stanford Pines!" She giggled and hugged her uncle's arm. But Ford shook his head. "No, Mabel, please. My brothers, especially your dad, would never let me live it down." Mabel pouted at this, but it wasn't going to stop her from making more plans! Yeeeees~ so many plans….
After they sang themselves into exhaustion, Mabel tried to teach Ford how to braid her hair. When Ford asked why he would ever need this particular skill, Mabel scoffed. "I'll have you know that ladies love a man who knows how to handle hair." She wiggled her eyebrows at him. Ford didn't get the hint. "...but why would I need to learn this?" He asked again, looking like a confused owl. Mabel sighed. Oblivious! This man really was a hard case.
"Well~ It can be a plus for when I set you up on dates~ Dipper learned to braid and thanks to me, Pacifica loves him!"
"Correlation does not mean causation, Mabel." Ford tried to explain, but Mabel wasn't listening. "And! If you ever have a daughter, which would be AMAZING! MORE GIRLS! You could braid their hair for school and send them off all nice and pretty. Or a son, if he likes long hair, that could happen too!"
Ford's cheeks were turning a bright red. Daughters?! Sons?! The idea of having kids made him feel a little faint. "I-I…"
"But don't worry, one step at a time. First we'll arm you with the necessary dating equipment, then the other fun stuff can happen, eh?!" She nudged him.
"Mabel, I am not dating anyone-"
"Good, which means you'll be free to go meet up with Susan tomorrow night." Mabel grinned. "I have a nice dinner date all set up~ Booked the restaurant and everything!"
"Booked the- Mabel, what?!" Ford gasped. "You shouldn't make plans about me without letting me know!"
"Well I'm letting you know now~ And I know you're free tomorrow night, I checked your schedule at work. McGucket said that you need to take a break and relax anyway, he said you've been working too hard."
That traitor!
Ford closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn't romantic, he didn't know how to date… "You said...Susan? Like, the owner of the diner?"
"Yup! You know her and she obviously likes you!" Mabel cheered. "She does?!" Ford didn't know that. "Yup! So it's easier! You can have a romantic dinner, dressed all elegant, chat about your likes and all that cute stuff. Open your heart to possible love~ Just use your natural charms!"
Ford didn't know how to do cute stuff! He-He wasn't like Stan who could flirt and wanted to draw women's attention! He had…never felt a serious attraction to anyone, like his brothers have… He didn't have charms...
But he guessed he could try? Mabel trusted him…
"Besides, Uncle Stan told me you almost kissed her at his wedding, so that means your subconscious is telling you something!"
"I almost did WHAT?!" He screamed, face flustered with utter embarrassment.
-.-
Ford was trembling in front of the restaurant. Mabel left him alone. This was F's fault.
This was also his own fault for not being normal in socializing and-and romance… Ford sighed and pulled at his collar. "Okay… just… just go in and… talk. Yes. That." He didn't move though, his legs still frozen in place. Really? It wasn't… this shouldn't be so scary.
He met Susan inside after managing to move his frozen legs. She smiled at him, one of her eyes closed, and Ford felt guilty. She liked him (for some...ODD REASON?!) but he was only feeling fear. "Uh, hello miss Susan." Ford managed not to stutter. She tittered and waved a hand at him, her nails well painted and manicured. "Hello yourself sweetie~" She grinned. Ford shuddered.
He stood in front of their table and there was a bit of an awkward silence before he remembered what Mabel had grilled him on and reach into his suit to take out the flower Mabel insisted he brings. "Ah, here." Ford said plainly as he held the (crushed and bruised) flower out, his arm straight, stiff and formal. Susan didn't seem to mind, giggling into her hand and taking the offered flower. "Aww thanks sweetie. You're such a doll~"
"I can assure you, I am not a small model of a human figure." Ford responded. Why did she call him such? Is that what he looked like? Dressed up in a suit, like a dress up doll? Like a toy?
Susan giggled at him. "Oh, you're so~ funny~ Well, will you sit down now or are you planning to stand there all night?"
Ford awkwardly sat in front of her and blinked at her with scared brown eyes. He looked down at the menu. You know what? He felt hungry, he could have something to eat and distract himself from this nerve wracking situation. Not even sneaking into that 2 headed monster's cave to get back their supplies while Stan was hurt back in space was as scary as this. And if he was eating, he wouldn't have to talk! Brilliant! He searched for which food item was the most difficult to eat, therefore, taking up the most time out of this d-date…
Susan was fluttering her eyelashes at him. Not that Ford noticed.
"So~ How's work in the Mystery Shack? I heard you all do lots of science stuff~" Susan asked, hoping to start a conversation.
"Uh huh!" Ford squeaked, not even bothering to correct her about the name. Breathe, Stanford. A voice in his mind, that sounded a lot like Stanley, said. "Lots of science. Yes. I'm working on very important experiments." He nearly tripped over his words. Why was this so awkward?!
The waiter came (he couldn't believe he was here working instead of at home. Just because his boss did that teen a favor…) and took their order with a fake smile. "Hello, what can I get you two tonight?" The waiter asked. Susan pointed at her menu, "Can I have the cob salad to start? And a steak?" she asked. The waiter dutifully wrote this down. "How would you like it done?"
"Well done, please." Susan smiled.
The waiter turned to Ford and repeated his question. "Ah... " He calculated and finally stated, "I would like the lobster." he knew they were hard and required work to break open to eat. So, it would be the best bet to take up his time.
Unfortunately, he still had to spend the time waiting for the food with Susan. He wasn't sure what to talk about. She started speaking again, and from what he understood, she had cats, lots of them.
"Ah…I...never had pets...But-But my brother Stanley had a possum when-when we were kids…" He managed to tell her.
"Oh, that's so adorable!" Susan squealed. Ford shrugged. "I suppose, but looking back, it was quite dangerous to keep a wild animal with a knife strapped to its back." Ford frowned. "In fact, I'm surprised we weren't mauled." he was more surprised that he, the intelligent one, actually liked it and thought it was a good idea. It was rather lucky for three dumb 10-12 years olds. "Well, I haven't quite had any time for pets since. I have many delicate instruments in my lab, I can't risk any contamination or damage."
"Instruments? So you're a musician as well?" Susan asked, grinning. Ford frowned. "No, not musical instruments, scientific ones." He explained. It rather… annoyed him that she didn't get it. It wasn't even all that different of a definition. And everyone knew he was scientist! She should know! Still, Ford tried to make an effort to not get frustrated. "Well, I don't have time for pets anyway."
Ford was very uncomfortable, but Susan also didn't seem to be taking a hint, so both were down for suffering through this conversation.
Their drinks were served. Ford gulped down his. Dry throat.
"So… Your...eye...Um, did you…" Ford was curious, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings just to get information. Ashton said that was bad.
"Oh, I got hurt with Sebastian, actually…" Susan touched her eye. Ford frowned, confused. "My brother did that?"
This time, Susan was the one blushing. "Eh...Not exactly...When he first moved there were a lot of science stuff in the Shack and I hurt my eye with one weird thingy." She wasn't going to tell him Seb warned her but… whatever.
Ford winced. "Ah, I'm sorry?" Susan giggled. "It's fine. I'm used to it." The two sat in uncomfortable silence.
Their food was here. Finally!
They ate in silence, awkwardly smiling at each other from time to time. Ford coughed. "Well...If it was one of my old experiments...Maybe, I don't know, maybe I can look at what it was and...there's a possibility we can revert it, if you want?" He offered awkwardly. He couldn't think of anything that would do that though. Maybe Sebastian remembered, he had one awfully good memory.
"You would do that...for me?" Susan gasped softly. Ford shrugged. "Just, if I can find out what it was…" Susan's smile creeped him out. So he decided to concentrate on eating. When he was done, then it was paying and leaving. Then this whole nightmare was over.
"It's so sweet of you to come out with me tonight~" Susan leaned closer. Ford shrugged. "Well, my niece insisted I should at least give it a chance." Not that he fully understood why this had to happen. He didn't see a point in this whole affair.
"Well I'm sure you'll be glad you took this chance." Susan reached forward and laid her hand over his, stroking his wrist. Ford shuddered. "Ah…" It didn't… feel bad, but he was unsure how to handle this. "I-I suppose…" he pulled on his hand, "Ah, I need my hand back… the lobster kinda…" He smiled hesitantly. Susan let go, watching him eat. "So, you have such… large hands…" she rumbled with a sly look. "I like a man with large hands."
"I'm sorry, what?" Ford felt very uncomfortable. Susan simply batted her eye at him. "Oh~you know~" She leaned even closer. "Large hands~" she purred.
Stanford's anxiety didn't allow him to continue any longer. "Non Specific excuse!" He shouted as he stood up from the table before jumping out of the nearest window, instead of using the door. He didn't know, but his family had a tendency to use the window quite often.
Mabel didn't expect her uncle home so soon. "Hey! What are you doing here?! You should be smooching miss Susan!" She scolded.
Ford untied his tie and groaned. "I-I don't want to date anyone ever again!" He whined, reminding Mabel of her youngest uncle's childish antics. "But why not?"
"I-I-she...it looked like she was going to eat me! I-..." She held my hands, I totally panicked.
Mabel pouted at the saddened expression of her poor uncle and she went to hug him. "Aawww~ Don't worry, uncle Ford, we all have bad dates! Maybe miss Susan is just not for you and that's ok." She hummed as Ford sat on the couch. "Maybe you need to invite someone you deem attractive...Is there any cute girl at the center?"
Ford shrugged, feeling useless for this kind of thing. "How would I know…?" It wasn't like he went about rating his co-workers' appearances.
Mabel decided to let her uncle rest for a while and they completed more stuff from her list, like teaching him to knit, teaching him how to scrapbook and craft as many cute books as he wanted (he really liked that activity), and they made cupcakes they could decorate together. Mabel made waddles cupcakes, Ford did smiley faces.
But then, she talked to Fiddleford. He was Ford's best friend, he knew him better than her. "So, Uncle Fidds, what's Uncles Ford type? The first date didn't go as expected and I think he needs to date girls more like him, you know?" She was in Fiddleford's lab, accompanying him. "How was he like in college?"
The blond sighed and adjusted his glasses. "If I'm honest with you, Mabel, I have never seen him talking to women during college...We weren't all crazy for frat parties and what not, but in the few ones we had...Ford was always very uncomfortable... Heck, here in the center is the first time I've seen him talk to women at all…" Fiddleford hummed in thought.
"Is there a possibility...he doesn't like girls? Have you seen any...hints?" Mabel asked with a raised eyebrow. She passed him the screwdriver he needed. She just wanted her uncle to be happy like his brothers were!
Fiddleford thought about it. "Naw, he doesn't seem all that into them neither. He's more nervous around women, but I think that's simply due to the fact that he's traumatized over women from when we were younger. He had a tendency to accidentally say things that insulted them. It didn't end pretty."
Mabel rubbed her forehead. She had so much to teach him. Maybe they needed a day to prepare him for dates? She helped Seb get over his fear of water, she could OBVIOUSLY get uncle Ford a date! He was handsome, he just needed help with the first step!
"So… any women here at the center that uncle Ford isn't afraid to talk to?" Mabel asked.
"There's Dr. Wexler." Fiddleford said, and when Mabel's eyes gleamed, he added quickly, "But she's got a girlfriend." Mabel slumped in disappointment. "Darn!"
Fiddleford chuckled. Poor Mabel, she was taking this very seriously. "Well, I think you just gotta keep trying." He didn't actually have much hope himself. Ford was a nice guy, but he wasn't the easiest person to get along with, anyone who wanted to get with him would have to be very patient with him. Most people would have seen the amount of work they'd have to put in, weigh the pros and cons of the investment, and just give up on Ford. Anyone after him for his looks would realize he had not even a single romantic bone in his body and would never be able to return their affections without being prompted to do so, and anyone after him for his mind would realize he would never think of them as much as he thought about his work.
It was a difficult situation all around. More than that, Fiddleford was sure that Ford simply didn't even think about a relationship as a possibility in his life. Now, if that idea came from himself because he didn't want anything romantic (which Fiddleford still didn't understand how it was possible) or because he thought no one would like him for his hands, Fiddleford didn't know.
Mabel didn't seem less determined. "You're right Uncle McFidds! I just gotta keep trying! Maybe even try to invoke the Love God! That would help! Thank you!" She hugged the skinny man before running away. Fiddleford shook his head fondly. He just hoped Ford wasn't getting scarred with all this.
As Ford worked in his lab, Mabel stared at the Bottomless Pit with narrowed eyes. Dumb Journals. Why did they have to throw them away!? Dipper wrote about the Love God in there! The solution to her uncle's romantic problems was just there! She was tempted to jump inside, but considering the journals had not returned like they all did, it was safe to assume they were already somewhere else.
There had to be some other way to contact the Love God… actually, wasn't he a musician? Could she look him up? What if… Mabel pulled out her phone and ran a few searches. Well. Would you look at that. He was still doing performances. Cool. She didn't find a contact number though. But she did find out that there was another Woodstick festival this summer. And he would be performing there. Yeees~ a plan was forming.
But, the Woodstick festival wasn't for another few weeks! Uuuugh! Well, there was only one thing to do, work on her matchmaking skills on her own until then. The Love God would be a last ditch thing. She wasn't sure if he was still mad about what had happened a few years ago so… yeah...
Her next plan was fool proof! Mabel took Uncle Ford to a pool day because he was all cooped up in his lab and all their activities had been indoors. "So, I met a real merman in this very pool, you know~? His name was Mermando! I helped him go back to the lake! He was my first kiss!" (And Dipper's, but she promised not to tell anyone…)
"Fascinating. The fact that you met a merman, but...yeah, your first kiss is...nice too?" Ford tried to think of something to say. Mabel laughed at his awkwardness. So much like her twin. Dad used to complain about it, how Dipper was all awkward and so UNLIKE him because dad was sooo COOL.
"I…" Ford rubbed the back of his neck. "I met a siren once...um, we had a date-like meeting...She tried to drown and eat me, but it was interesting."
"Maybe you are more about paranormal beauties…" Mabel pensively muttered under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing!"
So the pool was the best place to see cute boys and girls. She changed her uncle's glasses for dark ones and they sat down in two free chairs. "So, we have our dark glasses." "Yes." Ford agreed. "So, no one can see us watching people. Remember, I don't judge, everyone's attracted to people for different things. For example, I like watching boys with muscled arms. It's really hot!"
"Please stop."
"But not too much muscle. That's kinda a turn off. What I do like is guys with big butts!"
Ford was starting to wonder how he ended up talking about this with his young niece. "...Ok…"
"So, this is an exercise. You are going to look at the lovely ladies around here, or the lovely men, tell me what you like the most and then when we find the one you really really feel like talking to, you are going to stand up and invite them to hang out." That way it was him choosing.
"Ma-Mabel, sweetie, I don't think I can…" Mabel shook his arm as he trailed off. "Look! Look! There's a woman there! What do you think of her?"
Ford blushed as he looked at the woman with a scared grimace. Um...she-she...her bathing suit is a nice color?"
"Really? You noticed that from all of her?" Mabel raised a questioning eyebrow. That woman was very pretty! With her smile and her nice body. "Don't hold yourself back just because I'm here~ I know men~" She reassured her blushing uncle.
"Ah… her hair is… very… nice?" Ford winced. He didn't know what Mabel was expecting from him.
Mabel sighed. Looks like she had to take drastic measures…
Mabel stood up with determination and opened her mouth to shout at the top of her lungs, "WHO HERE WOULD WANNA DATE MY UNCLE?!"
Ford was mortified. Then he was even MORE embarrassed when several women (and two men) raised their hands. He covered his bare chest and huddled in his chair. Nooooooo!
Mabel planned to get all of them to speak to her little naive uncle, it should be easy, just getting to know each other, but she SERIOUSLY didn't expect a group of women pushing each other ("I RAISED MY HAND FIRST!" "MOVE, BITCH!") and then having all of them fighting each other to get to know Ford. Some lifeguards had to get involved. Wow… looks like her uncle Ford was a bigger deal than she thought.
"...Maybe we should go home~" Mabel grabbed Ford's hand and dragged him back home. Ford wasn't even reacting, his face was so red Mabel feared he'd catch on fire.
"You know, that would have been a good idea if those women hadn't started throwing punches!"
"I don't want to do this again, Mabel." Ford spoke up with a stern tone. The girl looked up. "Your little games are driving me insane! We can do stuff together, bond or whatever! But I don't want you to try to manipulate me into dating women or-or men! I don't like it! I don't want to be with anyone! I can't feel what normal people feel! I don't feel love, ok?! I don't want a partner! Please!"
Mabel's eyes widened. She could see tears welling up in her uncle's eyes. She...didn't mean to stress him out like this. "Ok, Uncle Ford...No more dates…" She nodded and the two walked back to the Shack in silence.
But she couldn't believe that uncle Ford couldn't feel love. That… would have been too sad.
-.-
….Well… that… didn't go as Mabel expected.
The Woodstick festival came and went. She managed to track down and corner the Love God. She scared the crap out of him and the poor cupid tried to escape, but Mabel begged for him to evaluate her uncle and find him his perfect match. "Everyone has SOMEONE! RIGHT?! Maybe he just hasn't found his ONE yet…" Mabel bit her lip.
The deity simply took one look at Ford and scoffed before turning away. "Can't pair up what doesn't exist." was his muttered response before flying away in annoyance. "Damn kid, at least she didn't steal my potions this time."
So… Mabel didn't know what to think. It… it couldn't mean that her uncle Ford had no soul mate. That… couldn't be true! That was… too sad. Maybe he was lying! He still seemed upset with her about that summer...Maybe he was trying to mess with her in return...But he did look at her uncle…
When Mabel turned her worried look onto said uncle, Ford didn't seem all that worried for what the god said. A little resigned… melancholic… but also… relieved. She couldn't understand it.
-.-
Mabel was with her uncle in the living room, silent and slightly uncomfortable. She was knitting in silence as Ford read a book. It'd been a week since the Woodstick festival, and two weeks since the pool date. The two sighed at the same time. Their attempts to get Ford a date were a disaster.
"Why do you feel uncomfortable with dating, Uncle Ford?" Mabel asked with simple curiosity. She really wanted to understand, it had been bugging her for a while, ever since what the Love God had said, and Ford's response to it. Ford didn't want to date, but she didn't get why! She loved dating, personally. She wanted, needed someone in her life. "I'm not going to try anything…" She clarified after seeing the face he was making. "I just...You felt so convinced you couldn't feel love? Everyone can, you know?" She pursed her lips adorably.
Ford sighed and put the book down. "I wish I could answer that, Mabel...But I don't know. I don't like men, as you keep insisting, but I...don't feel like I'm attracted to women either, you know? I...know that there's something wrong with me..."
Mabel crawled towards her uncle to hug him. "I don't think you're wrong, Uncle Ford…" She reassured him. "Maybe…" She sighed. She didn't know. "From my experience, I liked dating because we'd kiss~ and touch each other and that feels nice."
Ford rubbed his face, a little embarrassed Mabel was so comfortable telling him about this. "What do you expect from a date?" She asked.
Ford thought about it and couldn't help but shudder a bit. "Well, I definitely don't want them to touch me." Mabel listened carefully. "I-I mean, like a hug is ok, alright? But-but I feel everyone thinks that I would want to-to have…" He lowered his voice and whispered. "Sex with them." He sounded almost… disgusted at the idea.
"And-And that's all this dating thing is about!" Ford complained. "Getting to know someone that you like physically. But I can NEVER know if I'm attracted to anyone physically! Maybe personality! But still! It ALL leads to...doing it with them! And I don't wanna do that!" He exclaimed rather loudly, finally voicing what was bothering him.
The mere thought disgusted him, but he knew that was weird as hell, no one disliked doing...that. Stanley said it was normal to feel attraction to someone and want to fuck them. Stan even found aliens appealing! (Though Stan held back on spending a night in any of their beds because he had Carla, that was a surprising thing to witness.) But-...But Ford couldn't see why. He knew that the urge to mate was a biological thing, but… he just didn't feel it. Heck, even Sebastian, who used to be a TRIANGLE demon, was able to feel a basic human need such as this, and yet Ford simply… couldn't. Would that make Seb more...human than him?
Mabel was nodding slightly, like a psychologist, a psychologist who stroked their patient's fluffy hair. "Umm...So you don't feel sexual attraction at all...but have you ever felt...like, ticklish and all warm over someone? That, maybe you saw and wanted to talk to them~ Or, spend time with them?"
Ford rubbed his head in thought. "Well...there...were some girls… back when I was a teenager." And if there had been boys, Ford had no idea how to recognize it.
Mabel's eyes lit up. Ok, so sexual attraction was a 'no' but romantic… possibly? "Well? Who were they?"
Ford looked down, a bit embarrassed. "First...Cathy Crenshaw, she-she was from my class in 5th grade…"
"Aaawwww!" Mabel cooed.
"I-I had a little crush on her, she-she raised her hand to answer a question that she got the answer to before me and I…-It's so silly, I don't-I don't think that's even a crush..."
"Nooo~ it's definitely crush worthy! That made your little baby nerd heart go all crazy for her!" Mabel cooed even louder. "Did you talk to her?!"
"I tried… but I scared her with my hands…" That had hurt a lot. He quickly got rid of that crush. Forgot any possibility of sitting down with her during recess and solving multiplication problems together...
(...and really, what sort of person would even want to do something that… pointlessly nerdy with him? No one, that's who!)
Mabel's heart sunk a little. Oh. "I-I'm sorry… and the-the other girl you liked?"
"Her name was Maria Walters...She was in my Latin class and won the spelling bee contest...She spoke so fluently and she knew a lot about old history…" He sighed. "And she threw a cup of punch at me during a school dance."
Mabel hummed in thought before she was enlightened. Disregarding this talk of his past crushes, she was still thinking about what he'd said about not being physically attracted to people. "Stanford Pines, I know what you are!"
"...What I am?" Ford looked up at Mabel who was still hugging him.
"You're asexual! But you do feel attracted to people! Your type is Smart people! It's clear you like intelligent people! But not just anyone! Only certain people who's intelligence piques your interest! That's your heart deciding what type of intelligent girls you like!"
"I'm pretty sure I was just a raging mess of hormones back then." Ford sighed. Mabel shook her head. "No, but seriously. You might be asexual."
"But I am male." Ford responded. Mabel groaned. "No, you silly! I mean you're Ace. It's… it's like… I'm Straight. I'm a girl and I like guys, therefore I'm straight. Dillon is a boy and he likes guys, therefore he's gay. You're a man, but you don't like people in a sexual way, male or female, so you're asexual!"
The world suddenly made so much more sense to the girl. It would explain SO much about her uncle!
Ford blinked. "That's… a thing? There's a word for it?!" So… he… wasn't just some… freak for feeling the way he did? Frankly, Ford had never discussed romance with his therapist. It hadn't been something he thought was important. "I… never knew that…"
"Well it is very much real! Like water!" Mabel assured him.
Ford let out a shaky laugh. Asexual. It...was a thing. He-He wasn't wrong for not wanting to have sex!
Mabel squealed. "Oh my god~Ok, this actually helps a LOT, you know? Now I know why you were so awkward!" She patted his curls. "But! Don't you go around saying you don't feel love. Everyone can feel love, Uncle Fordsie...You love your family and your friends!" Ford hugged her softly when she said that. "AND you are not aromantic, probably demi, but you definitely feel attracted to people! You're just picky." she added, "But even if you were aromantic, that wouldn't mean you were wrong or can't feel love. You can still love your family. And love is love. It doesn't have to be romantic." She poked his nose. "Sex isn't everything in life anyway, even if it feels GOOD."
"Oh, gosh, Mabel please I don't want to hear my niece talking about that! " Ford mumbled. Mabel laughed loudly.
"Well, now that our mental limitations are down, it'll be easier for YOU to realize when you have a crush~ I promise I wouldn't force you on dates anymore, but it doesn't stop YOU from trying! You just gotta grow a pair and talk to them! Talk to them about nerd stuff!"
Ford rolled his eyes. He didn't know how to do that, or if he was capable of it, but he humoured his niece for now. "Sure~ You know, I am in a very good mood today, lets go get ice cream!" Ford had a sweet tooth, he didn't show it often but those who knew him very well knew he was lucky to not have cavities.
"Two scoops?! With brownies?!" Mabel gasped. "As many as you want!" Ford grinned.
Uncle and niece ran outside to get into Ford's car. Ford felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. Knowing he wasn't wrong, that it was ok to feel how he was feeling, it was such a relief and he couldn't stop smiling. Mabel snapped a few photos of the happy owl for later.
-.-
The uncle-niece bonding activities continued.
"So, I heard from Fiddleford that Soos showed him a lot of anime in preparation for your battle with Bill?" Ford settled down beside Mabel in the living room. She nodded. "Yeah, it gave him a lot of ideas for how to weaponize the shack into a robot." Mabel shuffled through her DVDs. Amazing that she still had them, considering most people just watched stuff on Netflex nowadays, but Ford didn't have Netflex yet. Heck, he didn't even have a flat screen TV. It was so weird that he ran a science center with all new technology, and yet he didn't even own a modern television!
But whatever. Mabel had some old anime DVDs she could make him watch with her.
"I'm surprised Soos hasn't made YOU watch anime with him. You're housemates! Don't you have like, sleepovers and you know, do fun stuff together?" The girl asked her uncle. Ford frowned a bit. "We live in the same house… that doesn't count as...sleepovers." He did have sleepovers in Sebastian's room with Stanley though, back when they were children, but still technically not sleepovers.
"PPFFT! Of course it counts! You two are friends now! Friends do that!" Mabel insisted.
"I...have never had a sleepover…" What with kids not inviting them anywhere and thinking he was a freak and all that. And… that time he was living with William didn't count, that wasn't a sleepover, it was asylum as they prepared for their journey.
Mabel pursed her lips. "Well~ You have the perfect chance now! Better late than never! You should have a movie night, build a fort here in the living room and watch scary movies and eat popcorn and junk food until you pass out. In fact, we should do that tonight!" She declared. Maybe not scary movies, but anime! "We'll invite Soos for an anime night! And Melody too! So we're an equal number of girls and boys! And you're friends with her as well! I saw you in their wedding!"
"Ahem." a soft voice called out. Mabel and Ford turned to see Abuelita sitting in her armchair. Mabel jumped. "How long have you been there?" Mabel could swear she didn't know Abuelita was here.
"She does that, I think she has powers." Ford whispered to his niece.
"Abuelita do you wanna watch anime too?!" Mabel offered. Now that Mabel knew she was here, she might as well! The old woman tittered. "Well, I wouldn't mind. It makes Soos happy." So with that decided, Mabel ran off to go tell Soos the good news about their evening plans. Ford followed her. Soos was so happy he practically sparkled ("Dood! I've got a whole collection of DVDs I've wanted to show Dr. Dude!") and the sight was rather adorable.
Ford snorted a bit at the nickname, he didn't even correct his niece for her improper grammar. At first he thought Soos didn't see him past something formal, as the brother of his friend, but then he realized Soos called Seb 'Mr. Pines' and Stan was the 'other Mr. Pines'. So it wasn't because Soos didn't see him as a friend, it was because he...just called them that, it stuck, like Seb calling Stan 'Fez' for some weird reason and him 'Sixer'.
"Ok! You tell Melody about the plans as well! Me and Uncle Ford will go buy snacks in town and then we'll start working on the pillow fort!" Mabel ran back to the living room to tell Abuelita they were going out for a bit, and then pulled her uncle outside. "You know, this is the perfect time to let me practice my driving!"
"You're learning to drive?" Ford asked. Mabel shook her head. "I failed my test. I am apparently too crazy behind the wheel! Pfft! Mom tends to exaggerate! Like Dipper! Dad thinks I did it just fine!"
"I'm sorry, but I don't trust your dad's judgement." Ford shook his head. But it couldn't have been nearly as bad as Mabel made it sound. "Alright, you can drive my car into town as practice." How bad could it be?
-Five close calls, one cop chase and half a heart attack later-
"Ground! Sweet merciful stationary ground!" Ford wailed as he flung himself out of the car and curled up on the sidewalk.
"Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad!" Mabel complained as she rolled her eyes. Ford stayed on the floor for a while more, making sure he was actually safe and not in the hands of this insane young woman, before he stood up. The scientist wiped the dirt off his sweater, marched up to his waiting niece and snatched the car keys off her hands. "Your dad's judgement sucks." He simply said before walking into the mall, Mabel stuck her tongue out and walked behind him. "You're just a boring nerd!"
"Obeying traffic laws is not boring." Ford said firmly. "Vehicle safety is very important." Mabel opened her mouth to continue arguing but Ford interrupted her. "And don't come to me with that 'No cops' bull crap. Stan and Seb are BOTH wrong and THERE WERE cops!" Mabel closed her mouth and pouted.
They separated to cover as much ground as possible and get as many junk food as they could for their sleepover. Ford put five family size bags of jelly beans in his cart. After being unable to buy them on his own (because Fiddleford told every store in town to not sell him jelly beans while he was in treatment) he was glad he could satisfy his need for candy and sweets independently. And basics like, fries and cheetos. He grimaced at the toffee peanuts exhibited. They kept selling this?! Never understood why Stan liked them so much.
Among the stuff Mabel got, she grabbed a premade mass to make homemade pizza and the rest of the ingredients. She also got some juice boxes and sodas. She met her uncle by the register to pay and they joined their chosen items. "You got jelly beans?" Mabel giggled. Ford opened a bag of them and slowly took some to his mouth. "Yes."
"Do you really like that much?" Mabel rolled her eyes when he repeated a monotonous "Yes". Maybe he was still upset she almost crashed against a tree? But she saved it just in time!
"Oh, you innocent soul. You definitely haven't tried Barry Potter's jelly beans." She shuddered. That was a dark time in middle school. Everyone was obsessed with them. She saw at least 10 kids throw up during break and lunch time in less than a month. The new ones were the Jellybean Japed, where you had two options: decent or incredibly disgusting.
"What's with them?"
"Oh no, I'm not going to ruin your favorite candy, Uncle Ford. I love you too much for that." Mabel patted his arm.
Ford nodded slowly, not getting it. "Ok...And~ What's Barry Potter?" Ford asked confused and Mabel gasped offended. Now that! She wouldn't tolerate. "Ok. Remind me to take you to the bookstore! You need to be EDUCATED! There's seven books you gotta read! And then we will have a movie marathon." Ford smiled. He liked to read!
They bought their snacks and took everything to the car.
Ford drove back home this time.
-.-
They watched several anime movies. Ford really like the Ghibli films, they were beautifully animated and the depictions of magical creatures, while inaccurate, were still fascinating.
Then they got distracted watching some of Abuelita's soaps. Ford, despite himself, couldn't pull his eyes away. "No Marie! Can't you see he's lying to you?!" Ford wailed at the screen while Mabel snuck off to get some more snacks.
She also grabbed something else on the way back.
Ford was still ranting at the tv, thoroughly invested in the dramatic lives of these characters (apparently, his love for dramatic soap operas was a thing he shared with his triplets), when he felt something brush his cheek. He blinked and looked over. "What are you doing, Mabel?"
"I'm gonna give you a makeover~" the teenager grinned. Ford shook his head. "Why?" He frowned. "I would not like to have make up on me."
"Ppfth~ fine~" Mabel rolled her eyes. Chicken. "How about a facial cleansing instead? It makes your pores feel really nice~"
Ford wasn't sure what that was, but Mabel was going to get one of these 'cleansing' herself. And Abuelita and Melody were getting one too. And from what he was seeing, Mabel was doing a great job convincing Soos.
He sighed heavily and gave up. Sure. Ok. Why not? He had been doing what Mabel liked all this time. He only wanted to spend time with her and show her he cared. If having this weird, sticky substance on his face did that, he'd do this.
Mabel first worked with Abuelita, squealing at how soft and granny-like she was. Melody helped applying the treatment to Soos (who nearly fell asleep at how relaxed he felt during it) and then Mabel turned to her scared uncle with a big grin. "Let's make you cute~"
Some minutes later, everyone was in the living room still watching the soap opera but with green face masks. Ford wanted to scratch his face but Mabel didn't let him. "No touchie!" She whispered and added another hair clip to his hair. She said his fluffy curls were getting in the way, so she pulled it back with hair clips.
He felt ridiculous, and didn't doubt he looked even more ridiculous. The scientist was so glad his brothers weren't here. They'd mock him until he died of embarrassment. Face masks like this were something his mother used to do. He smiled a little when he remembered his triplets and him sticking their tongues out at her in disgust when they were children, he would complain and Stan would-
"HAH! I knew she was faking her pregnancy to stay with Fernando!" Ford screamed, train of thought completely interrupted halfway through another episode. Mabel giggled. This was so much fun! And seeing this side of her uncle was so nice.
She curled up next to him and after his initial surprise, Ford hugged her close. This wasn't that bad.
-.-
Among all the weird activities Ford had done with his niece up until this point (She even wanted to go to the forest to hug a mountain lion! He had to convince her for 10 minutes that it was a bad idea), this was the least...weird.
Except she had described it as "Kicking his ass".
Mabel was wearing sport clothes and woke him up early to have a training session of martial arts. They were in the backyard of the house. (Ford hoped none of the other scientists could see them from the center's windows). Mabel claimed she had been practicing with Sherman before and she wanted to show Ford her fighting abilities.
"I wanna know space martial arts! How did you kick alien ass?!" Ford chuckled at her excitement.
"Well, I knew nothing about fighting or 'kicking ass'-" Mabel laughed when he said that. "-Except from the little things I remembered from my boxing lessons as a kid. The training I got was basically Stan's training sessions for football." He had been very out of shape back then. Stan trained him to gain weight and muscle, or else he wouldn't have survived.
"So you're technically prepared to play football?" Mabel asked. "No. I am not and I don't like the idea of having other men throw me to the floor! Or the possible head injuries." Ford made a thinking face. "Though my tackling is actually very good. My specialty is pinning though. Restraining my opponent and neutralizing the threat with the least amount of damage."
Mabel rolled her eyes with a grin. Silly Uncle. Ford continued, "Of course, we had some help from a friend we made in space...He gave us some technology which made everything definitely easier and faster." They owed William a lot! "Like the translators. Stan and I wouldn't have survived without those. And the food scanner to test if anything was safe for human consumption." Ford still had it, in fact, he was thinking of letting Fiddleford have a go at that old thing and see about making more or making a new version that could be used to figure out people's food allergies. It would be useful.
(Ford took this time to realize that the translator and food scanner were essentially the things he'd wanted, back when he'd first began working on the portal, he'd wanted to go into space, into other dimensions, to get new technology that he could repurpose for changing the world… well, Bill had lied to him about the portal, but… He had met William, and that nicer demon had given him these, he had helped Ford achieve a small part of his original goal and dream, entirely by accident. And… Ford smiled fondly at that.)
"That's so cool! Fight me!" Mabel pulled his arm, unaware of her uncle's warm memories.
"What?" Ford looked back at Mabel. "Mabel, I don't want to hurt you."
Mabels eyes narrowed. She kicked her shoes off and with a war cry, kicked her uncle's side. "Ow!" Ford cried, more out of surprise than actual pain. Mabel bounced around the man with her fists up. "Come on uncle Ford! I wanna see how I measure up against a space adventurer!"
"No, Mabel, I can teach you some things, but I won't fight you." Ford winced. He was sure that if he ever accidentally hurt her, Shermie would kick his ass. And he didn't doubt Shermie could break some or most of his bones.
"Hyah!" Mabel kicked him again. "Chicken!'
"Mabel, stop." Ford watched her punch him in his stomach. She realized she couldn't hurt him and started doing it repeatedly.
Ford sighed. Nope. He already almost hurt one of his nieces, he wasn't going to repeat it. But… Well… when Mabel launched another attack at him, Ford deftly caught her leg and twisted, startling a yelp out of her as Ford pulled her down and had her land gently against the ground. Ford had to bend over a little but he got Mabel effectively pinned.
"You see? You could get hurt." He explained. "And this is me being super careful. If I got serious, I could hurt you." He shook his head. "I had been in survival mode for 13 years, Mabel, I killed and hunted different animals and alien specimens. My senses are enhanced from surviving, do you see how dangerous it is for-"
Mabel freed herself from his distracted grip and with a kick and elbow hit pushed him back. She also swept his legs out from under him. "Woo!" Mabel cheered when Ford went down with a yelp. "Don't underestimate me, suckah!" The young woman grinned at him, sitting on his chest.
Ford slowly got back up, making Mabel roll off him as he went, and found himself grinning as well. "Well, I admit you caught me off guard. But that's just because I'm holding back against you."
Mabel rolled her eyes. "What a chicken." But she guessed Uncle Ford could be dangerous if he really wanted...He survived in space after all! "Ok then! You just gotta defend yourself from Mabel's murder attacks!" Mabel said with full confidence.
Ford nodded slowly with a smile forming on his face. "Ok, I can do that." That way, he wouldn't hurt his niece and he could give her fighting tips. He took off his sweater and threw it to the couch on the porch. He was wearing a black short sleeved t-shirt.
"Aaarrghhh!" Mabel ran towards him. She tried punching him, but Ford easily blocked her arm. "You're being very predictable." He grinned. Mabel tried kicking him and he moved to the side. "Guard up, Mabel." Ford poked her side.
"Let me hit you!" Ford laughed at her frustration. "When you're facing an opponent, you must think fast! Find their weak spot~"
The girl obeyed her uncle and the two practiced for hours. She tried to hit him with all her might, and while it hurt, Ford didn't complain. He even taught her some wrestling holds he knew. Mabel apologized when she choked him too hard.
Ford rubbed his neck as he gasped for air. "That...was very good. Good job! Ow. I want your grip on my arm to be tighter though. One slip and your opponent can attack!"
"Really? But I thought this way my victim couldn't turn around…" Mabel said thoughtful. "How could they counterattack?" She asked innocently.
"Well...just like... this!" Ford trapped Mabel and picked her up. "Aaahhhh!" The girl shrieked with laughter. "Let go, you tricky owl!" She wiggled her way out and Ford fell to the floor, laughing.
True to Ford's fears, his friends were all crowded in the research center's third floor, watching the scene unfold from the big windows. "The boss is pretty good. Maybe that's how he takes down the monsters in the forests."
"Well, he DID survive terrorists and 13 years on the run…"
"Five bucks on the boss."
"Stop making bets, Bruce!"
"...Six bucks on the girl."
Fiddleford rolled his eyes (they were so childish sometimes), and looked down at Ford and Mabel. They weren't actually fighting so it was pointless to bet. He smiled in content as Mabel had now started tickling Stanford with the shout "TICKLE ATTACK!"
"No! Come on, boss, stand up!" "GO GIRL!"
Ford looked so happy, and Fiddleford felt happy for him. Mabel being here was doing him good. He took time off work and was starting to eat regularly again. Soos and Melody helped a lot, but...this was different. He didn't know how to explain it.
Maybe Mabel was right and his old friend needed someone in his life, to remind him working wasn't everything. Having a partner might be good for him, not just because of romance, but because having someone who could be by his side, supporting him and loving him would work wonders. The man obviously thrived under the attention, even if he didn't notice it himself.
And then, Mabel found a way to insert romance back into the equation. Specifically, her own.
"Why am I here again?" Ford asked. Mabel giggled. "You're my wingman. Help me find a boy!"
"I am absolutely sure that this is not something I will be able to assist you with."
"Why not?! You're asexual, not blind~" Mabel giggled. "Besides, you can tell those boys just how amazing I am, and that he should totally date me!" Mabel adjusted Ford's sweater collar. Cute. The perfect wingman. She was sure he could tell those boys nice things about her, right?
She had convinced Soos to host a party in the Mystery Shack, but this time, for teenagers only. She didn't want little kids here! This was serious business. Ford agreed as long as they cleaned afterwards, but now he found himself trapped in Mabel's plan.
"I could...try?"
"That's the spirit!" Mabel cheered as she ran off to get her outfit and makeup on. She had to look absolutely amazing tonight!
Mabel was sitting in the bar, sulking. This didn't go as she expected. While it was incredibly funny watching Stanford act as wingman...he was terrible at it. Now the boys knew she threw 'very good punches' and "her wrestling wrench was nearly at a professional level!" And she was sure most of them were scared and intimidated. None of the boys here were willing to be with a girl who could snap them in half. Damn cowards.
She wouldn't say anything to her uncle though, he was trying his best, and he seemed proud. She sipped her juice. She couldn't even drink! No alcohol at these parties since the guests were all underaged.
"Hey~"
Mabel turned around at the weirdly familiar voice and gasped softly. A boy around 15 was smiling at her. He was wearing a blue shirt and his white hair was slicked back.
"Come on, say something! I paid the offensively high entrance fee just to enter!" The teenager rolled his eyes.
"Gideon!" The girl finally gasped and watched the younger teen sit next to her. "It's...been a long time…" She smiled sheepishly. She hadn't seen him in years!
"Oh, tell me about that!" Gideon exclaimed. Mabel noticed he still had a very young voice, and it didn't match with his body, he had at least grown up and wasn't a stumpy little boy anymore.
"Every second you're not here is boring and feels like an eternity!" Gideon grinned at her, placing his hand over hers.
Welp. This got weird. Mabel grimaced.
"So~ Why are you here?" Mabel asked, pulling her hand away and curling both hands around her drink to keep them away from Gideon.
"Oh! I heard you were in town! I wanted to see you again! I keep missing you whenever you drop by for holidays and all. How are the rest of the Pines anyway?" Gideon asked, not really sounding interested in them, more like he was just asking to be polite.
"They're fine, fighting a demon didn't stop us from living our own lives! Dipper and I finished school-" Mabel shrugged, sipping her drink. "Oohh~" Gideon leaned in, making Mabel scoot her chair over a little to put some distance between them. ''...And my little cousins are so grown up! Seb's kids turned 4 and they're-"
"Yes, yes, but tell me more about you! How're you doing, sugar plum?" Gideon asked.
"Okay, please don't call me that." Mabel glared. Gideon backed off and raised his hands to wave them in front of himself. "Whoa! Sorry Mabel, just a slip. Look." He put his hands on the table and sighed. "I just… I was a real brat when I was a kid, I know that. But I've grown up. And, well, you're important to me." Gideon ran a pale hand through his hair and side glanced at her. "I just wanted… to see if maybe we could try again? I just-"
"Urgh… no!? You tried to kill my brother! You tried to kill my uncle! Multiple times!" Mabel stood up from her chair. "And you tried to kill ME!" She huffed. Gideon got up from his chair too. "Mabel- I- Look, I was just nine! I was a stupid kid! I'm sorry! I really am! I feel really bad for what I've done." Gideon tried to protest. "And I helped you too! I held off Bill's goons so your brother could get to your bubble and free you!" Gideon's breathing was turning agitated, scared. "Do you have any idea what Bill did to me for betraying him!?"
Mabel blinked. "What? You did?"
Gideon blinked as well. "Ah… yeah. Remember? When Bill trapped you in that bubble and…" A look of realization came over his face. "Your brother didn't tell you?!" He looked livid. "Why that no good, dirty lying, backstabbin'-" Gideon seethed, his accent coming through strong.
"Hey! Don't call Dipper that! We were busy with more important things than saying who did what! Sebastian almost died!" Mabel's gratefulness was wiped away.
The younger teen realized his mistake and bit back a curse. "...I'm sorry…" He said in a soft voice. "I-...I just got angry. Thinking that, you never knew how much I cared for you...and you still had the idea that I...was a bad guy." He pouted with a very sad and pathetic face. "It just… it's been like, five years. I can't believe he didn't tell you, in all that time- he promised me he would!" Gideon whined.
Mabel's glare softened just enough to not look pissed off, just upset. "I get it...but I don't like it when people insult my family, especially not my twin brother." She said seriously and Gideon nodded quickly.
"I know, I'm very sorry…"
"...But thank you. For helping me back then…" She smiled. "Sorry it took so long to thank you."
Gideon's face broke out into a smile. "Awww shucks Mabel, you're makin' me blush!" He took a step closer to her and Mabel sighed. "Just because I'm grateful, doesn't mean I'll date you."
Gideon froze and his eye twitched. "B-but… can't we at least try? I won't try to pressure you into marrying me this time! I- we can just… hang out again. Do each other's hair? You used to like doin' that."
"I thought you were a fun friend to hang out with." Mabel sighed. "But I'm not into you like that."
Gideon looked down and his fists clenched and unclenched. "Please, Mabel." He whined childishly. "I just… I want to have a second chance. I want to do better this time, please, just give me a chance-"
"No, Gideon…" Mabel glanced at her drink. "I don't like you, really. But, if you want to we can try to be friends." She offered with a small grin.
Gideon's lower lip trembled. "But...But I love you...I promise I can be better…" Mabel glared. "Just because you love me, doesn't mean I'm required to like you back."
"You think I'm not good, don't you?" Gideon trembled. "It's obvious you feel that way because you always thought I was a bad guy, because your brother never told you I sacrificed myself to help you!"
Mabel's eyes narrowed a bit. "So my opinions and feelings are totally invalid to you? I can't just not like you? It's only because of my brother? There has to be some reason why I'm rejecting you?" She laughed a little. "How entitled to me do you think you are just because we had a few play dates when we were kids!?"
"I never said that!" Gideon cried and Mabel shook her head. She knew she was pretty childish in her behavior sometimes, but she wasn't a child. Not anymore. "Leave me alone, Gideon. Maybe when you actually respect me, we can talk again." The girl stood up and tried walking away, but the younger teen whined. "Mabel, no~! Please! I swear I respect you!"
Mabel groaned as she tried to get away from him. When she wished boys liked her she didn't mean stress her out and being straight up creepy! Gideon caught up to her and stood in front of her, waving his hands erratically. "Wait, wait! Sugar pl-Mabel, please! I-I want to try to be friends, yes? You said we could try!"
"Gideon! Urghh! Nooo!" Mabel looked around to try to find a way to get away from this uncomfortable situation. Her eyes lit up when she noticed her tall and awkward uncle sitting on a chair. "UNCLE FOORDD~!" She called with what sounded almost like a whine.
Ford walked up to his niece and looked at her. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" He looked at the boy with white hair. He recognized him as the kid from the Fearamid, the one caged up with them, who was also one of the zodiac members, but he didn't really know him. "Is everything ok?"
"Mr.-Mr. Author." Gideon squeaked. Mabel narrowed her eyes at the white haired teen. "Well?" Ford insisted with the serious expression he always made when he meant serious business.
Like when he questioned Soos about his stash of chocolate that SUDDENLY disappeared!
"I-see you later, Mabel…" Gideon mumbled before quickly getting away from the older Pines. He would try again some other day! He promised to do better!
Mabel sighed in relief and smiled at her uncle. "Thanks for the save, Uncle Ford, I really didn't want to ruin my night talking to Gideon." She stuck her tongue out at the idea.
Ford looked in the direction the boy left and then back at his niece. "Do you need me to kick him? Is he bothering you?" He narrowed his eyes, feeling a protectiveness surging.
Mabel chuckled. "Nah, he's just an annoying kid, nothing to worry about!" She punched his shoulder with all her might. Ford laughed and unconsciously rubbed it. It didn't hurt, but muscle memory. He looked at her arm and gasped softly. "Hey!" He hadn't noticed it before! "You have a tattoo!" It was a smiling shooting star.
"Yup! Isn't it adorable!? I want Dipper to get a pinetree one! But he's boring!" Mabel grinned. Ford shook his head with a smile and leaned closer to whisper. "Look."
He tug down his turtleneck and showed Mabel his own tattoo. He expected a laugh, because this was something very stupid he did, but instead, Mabel gasped in amazement.
"Uncle Ford! That's so COOL!" She exclaimed. "And it's so freaking cute~! We're star tattoo twins!" She declared.
Ford chuckled and just nodded. He wasn't kidding when he said he liked Mabel for how weird she was. It made her unpredictable and very interesting to hang out with.
"Selfie! Promise I will only keep it in my gallery for posterity!" She pleaded. Ford nodded (a gallery?) And Mabel snapped a photo, both of them showing off their incredible awesome tattoos. #party #tattoo twins #nerd uncle!
-.-
Mabel stayed the rest of the summer. And at the end, she had many more fun things to do with her uncle who also seemed to be having fun!
She helped in the lab and learned many sciencey things! Even more than in high school! Uncle Ford also taught her very cool science experiments that would have been useful back in school. (Though the school board probably wouldn't have allowed most of these because of 'safety' or something dumb like that.) They made an upgraded version of a bicarbonate volcano and almost caught the lab on fire. It was so cool!
One day, when they were playing with Waddles, Ford asked why Seb always claimed he fought a pterodactyl. Mabel then showed Ford the entrance to dino world but they didn't enter, despite Ford's insistence. "Uncle Ford, there are literal DINOSAURS there! And one almost ate us!" And they used a dinosaur for the battle before putting it back in, she doubted they'd be happy to see them after that.
"To be fair, with global warming those guys will be melted free soon enough and you'll be able to see them." The teen shrugged and Ford pouted.
She was right...But he hoped the Earth wasn't so fucked up just yet for that to happen. It'd suck to have dinosaurs roaming around...
She did take him to illegal mini golfing in the middle of the night. He sucked at it, but he claimed it was because he was nervous about breaking the laws. Then, to calm his poor heart, she presented him to the Lilliputians. "We saved him using the Shacktron!" Mabel pointed at her bespectacled uncle.
"Ooohhh! Hello!" The little creatures introduced themselves. "Greetings. I read about you in Dipper's additions to my journal!" Ford shook fingers with them and made some notes himself.
And then, the FUNNIEST adventure was proving to her uncle that the bottomless pit would spit them back out. Ford wasn't sure, his head screamed no, but his idiot heart said FOR SCIENCE! And so they went. They were prepared this time though, in case something happened. They had ropes, the grappling hook and walkie-talkies. Mabel also brought her fully charged tablet so she could show her uncle some cartoons and shows to pass the time if they ran out of stuff to do while waiting.
Ford put on a chronometer and the two jumped, like the idiots they were. Mabel entertained him by telling him about the time everyone fell in and they all shared some stories. To pass the time, Ford told her about some funny and crazy adventures he had with Stan behind the portal, like a world where everything was M shaped, a world where people aged randomly, and how lucky they were to get the stuff they needed and get out with their normal ages intact.
"You could have returned as babies?!" Mabel squealed. "That would have been so adorable!" Ford frowned. "No. It would have been extremely dangerous. Imagine if both of us turned into babies? Or one of us. One of us as a baby meant the other had to take care of them, and I am in no way prepared to take care of a baby...or an old man! I'm sure Stan would feel the same-"
"Wow...now I have this adorable picture in my mind of you two coming out of the portal as kids~ Uncle Seb would have been the oldest~" Mabel flailed around in glee.
"And I'd be in school right now, living with my mother. Again. Yeah, no way." Ford made a dramatically disgusted expression and Mabel laughed out loud.
They were finally spat out of the pit and Ford looked at his chronometer. It marked a 0...How interesting…
Before any of them realized it, summer was coming to an end…
It was the first birthday Mabel had ever spent away from Dipper, and ironically, SHE was the one staying with her uncle in town, while Dipper was back in California.
She was 18 now...TECHNICALLY an adult! She didn't feel very different from when she was 17, she still loved many 'childish' things, and she was still herself! So… being an 'technical' adult wasn't… as scary as she'd thought it would be.
She got a birthday hug from everyone at the Shack and she got a new phone (from Uncle Fidds tech!), which was cooler than the old one she had, much to her excitement. "And this is for your brother, alright? Ford gave her another box for Dipper.
"THANK YOU!" She squealed and almost brought Ford down with the strength of her hug. "You're very welcome…" Ford patted her head. "You made this summer very...interesting…"
Mabel giggled. "Oh, just admit you'll miss me, old man!" She punched his arm. She was leaving in the afternoon so they had time for one more activity on her list.
Drawing together.
The last time the two drew was when Mabel was 13. And this time, Ford painted a hand turkey on her hand. The two laughed and Mabel snapped another photo that was going in her scrapbook later!
Mabel turned to look at her uncle and sniffled a little. "Thanks, Grunkle Ford…This summer was cool… I loved spending time with you." before Ford could reply, Mabel threw herself over him for a hug. She was very happy she bonded with her nerdy uncle. She'd always felt bad that she hadn't gotten to hang out with her third uncle.
"Thank you for visiting me as well...And I'm sorry we...we don't spend as much time together…" Ford apologized softly. "I am sorry I made you feel like I prefered Dipper over you. I love both of you all the same."
Mabel pulled apart from the hug after she'd gotten in her cuddle levels and with a thumb (the turkey's beak), poked his nose. "It's alright~ We got a whole summer for ourselves this time!"
When it was time, Ford took Mabel to the bus station and said bye to her and Waddles. "Don't worry, old man! It's not like you're disappearing again! We'll see each other again for Hanukkah! This time it's in Uncle Seb's house!"
Ford smiled. Mabel boarded the bus carrying Waddles and waved at him from the window. "I'm selling Dipper's new phone!" She shouted.
"No you aren't~!" Ford laughed as he shouted back.
A little needed fluff!