Hello, it's me, miss 100 WIPS but then starts a new one. I could not get this story out of my head, I have been meaning to write it for months now but refrained from doing so. A few points.. Marina does not commit suicide in this one, the LW stuff does not happen, nor does she try to lure Colin into marrying her. I have decided to go with ONE child instead of two and might have nicked a line from Hyacinth's book.

That is it basically, someone slap me for having no self-control. Thank you. Please expect that I will not be quick to update as I have other stories. I hate myself. As always, sorry for stupid grammar and weird sentences, gotta love wanting to write in English even though I am not British.

P.s. I realise the title is close to 'Sandition', I am very original.

"Oh, and I found love where it wasn't supposed to be"

"Right in front of me"

"Talk some sense to me"

Amber Run – I found love

She had not said a word during the entire ride. Instead, she had looked outside, trying to hide her tears but failing to because Phillip was not always that observant, but her tears were unmistakeable.

What kind of reality had he got himself into? One year ago, he had lived a fine and secluded life, living alone in the countryside, with only the occasional visit from his father, with whom he had a strained relationship. Fortunately, these visits were becoming less and less sporadic. He knew that his father only came to check whether Phillip, in George's absence, was managing the family's affairs well, and he did. So, there was little incentive for occasional visits; fortunately, because there was little love to be found between Crane senior and Phillip.

Phillip was troubled from an early age by the fact that his father doted on everything George did but what he undertook was never good enough. He grew up in the shadow of his charismatic, handsome, and intelligent older brother, a welcome guest at events on the social calendar. Moreover, he was so bad at dancing that it became a torment even for his dance partner, who had to endure Phillip taking a wrong turn or accidentally stepping on the delicate feet of the lady in question.

Luckily for Phillip, the ladies became averse to dancing with him and came up with excuses to avoid him so that gave him the opportunity, should he have to go to such a ball, to hide in the background, watching his brother George asking one beautiful young woman after another to dance, animating them during the dance with anecdotes that made them laugh, and at the end respectfully saying goodbye and thanking them, leaving them in wonder, hoping for a visit the next morning, that George would come by with a bunch of flowers in his hand and then declare his love.

George, however, did not quickly visit and this had puzzled Phillip for a long time and not only him but also the ton, who found it strange that such a handsome bachelor as George had not already hooked up with a debutante, a diamond of the season.

There was irritation among some of the ton's mothers, who felt that George was creating expectations by being so amicable, but his brother never made promises to anyone, and so they could find little to blame.

Indeed, George was polite and friendly, charming but never crossed any boundaries and Phillip now knew why. Because of her. Phillip did not know by God where they had met, at least not in London, as she did not hail from here.

Phillip wished that George had confided in him about her but somehow he had not, for whatever reason and that stung him. They had had a good relationship, although they were not super close, Phillip could not say that he had not felt affection but his brother and vice versa. So why had George not said anything? He could have helped.

He understood the reason for the secretion on the one hand... a child out of wedlock was a definite no-no but on the other hand a little voice inside him said that was not the reason.

He did not get the feeling that George had been ashamed of this woman. He had found out that George had written to her frequently and promised to marry her as soon as he returned from the war.

But he did not.

His father fell into sheer misery and grief, yet somehow managed to enlarge the distance with his remaining son. They had barely seen each other up until the funeral and even there his father did not care to reach out other than that moment.

"I wish it had been you," Thomas Crane had said at his brother's funeral as they watched George's coffin being laid to rest.

"What did you say?" Phillip had asked in disbelief, hoping he had misheard but Crane senior had only looked at him coldly and repeated, "I wish it had been you", and then walked off, leaving Phillip in a state of disarray and shock.

The next tragedy in Phillip's life took place less than three weeks after Georges' death. Of course, somewhere he should have suspected that the old man could not cope with losing his favourite son. Thomas Crane had a heart attack while walking down the streets of London and was beyond saving, so it was up to Phillip to organise the second funeral in a brief time.

Phillip dutifully thanked everyone who had come to his father's service and left for the Crane estate. There he proceeded to get completely drunk in his new home, the Crane Estate. This... building was now his, as he was the sole heir. His father had no family left and his mother had been an only child, moreover, she had originally come from France but still she and the children had visited there.

While his body was retrieved, George's possessions arrived a lot later, two months after his funeral had taken place. They were carefully stored in a large brown box. It was Phillip's task was to receive them and process them properly, he didn't want to but there was no one else to do it.

He went through his brother's belongings with a heavy heart. They were a few things, his shoes, extra uniform, a notebook, inconsequential things that did not mean much to Phillip until he... George's his favourite coat.

The dark blue wool coat had been his to-go item to put on in the cold winters in the country and if it were up to George he would never take that garment off, to the amusement of Phillip who teased him about it.

George had then shrugged and said that the coat was comfortable and kept him warm unlike others he had worn; and Phillip could mock him all he wanted, he didn't care. So far Phillip had been holding back, trying to approach the whole thing in a detached way but at the sight of this item that belonged to his big brother he broke down. The tears ran down his face and kept flowing, while he tried to calm himself, but he could not.

Memories of their shared youth crossed his mind. Chasing each other in the meadows belonging to the estate in the Spring which then led to one.. or both Crane boys falling into the nearby lake, to the annoyance of their mother. Spending Christmas together where even their father was not his usual miserable self; usually after consuming some cognac, but still, the old bastard even sang a carol or two when he felt inclined to.

It all seemed like yesterday but at the same time ages ago. When he finally calmed down and wanted to hang up the garment, something fell out of the left pocket, the sound making a small thud on his floor.

Envelopes... that had been bundled together, bound by leather ribbon. At his desk, he stripped the envelopes of their confinement and set the letters down carefully, as if he didn't want to damage them.

He picked one of them up to examine closer and glanced at the elegantly written name of his brother on the front, then he wanted to know who the sender was.

Marina Thompson.

His curiosity grew when reading this name, Phillip had never heard of one Marina before in his conversations with George. He wanted to know who she was; what this Marina Thompson had to say. The envelope had been torn open, so that degree of confidentiality had already been lost, but it felt inwardly wrong to read the letters.

Phillip debated with himself for several moments until he could no longer control his curiosity and reached for the content of one of the envelopes.

"My dearest George,

"Words fail short to describe how much I miss you."

Phillip's mouth fell open in surprise.

"I spend my days rereading your letters as they give me some comfort on these dark days without you, but it is not enough. When will you come back my love? I can't bear being without you.

Please return to me..

Your Marina".

Phillip dropped the letter and then continued to stare for a few minutes, his gaze fixed on the clock as if, if he looked long enough, he could turn back time.

So, this was why George did not marry any of the girls in town... Phillip needed to know more and reached for the next one in the pile of envelopes.

It felt wrong to do so, to read his dead brother's correspondence but there was no stopping him, so he read letter after letter, but it was the last one that really made him fall back in his chair in amazement.

"My love!

I have a feeling you didn't get my last letter... but anyway. You must return. I need you. they are sending me away to go live with my uncle. They know George. They know that I am pregnant! Please.. come back."

He looked at the two words and reread them over and over. 'I'm pregnant'. Phillip didn't really know what to think, a secret relationship and now pregnancy too?

What had George been up to, without his knowledge? In hindsight, George wanted to tell him something, to communicate something, especially when he left for the war.

Phillip himself was rejected for duty as he had a limp after an unfortunate fall as a child that was not very visible but was enough to be rejected.

It took three weeks for George's body to be retrained. Phillip looked at the date stamp and saw that it had been sent on the 11th of April. It took two weeks, he believed, for the post to arrive at the front, so likely around the 25th of April.

George was killed on April 23rd. That meant only one thing, George did not know; had never known. He didn't know about her condition...

It had taken him several brandies to calm down after having received his shocking news. It was the third unexpected event in his life in less than two months' time and it had thrown him off completely.

Phillip disliked the unexpected; he liked structure, a set path for himself, a way of life that might have seemed boring to someone else but was fine for him.

In the morning he took a limited breakfast, consistent out of eggs and porridge, boring as that sounded, he liked it. Then it was time to spend a few hours reading, everything from philosophy to fiction and non-fiction. After that, he would take a short lunch and then occupy himself with what he loved most, tending to garden, or walking in the woods, whatever the climate was he didn't care. Out in nature is where he was in his best element and so he would not return until late in the evening, when he would have a simple meal. Nothing fancy, good was good enough.

The first few weeks after his brother's death, and later that of his father, he had lived in a sort of haze in which nothing really became clear, but the fog was gradually clearing.

And then he had made the mistake of opening his brother's letters and there was no way back. Then he could pretend he did not know, go on with his life, as if he did not know about her and her condition.

But that was just it. He was aware and he was aware of what he had to do.

Phillip would never forget that day. The day when a frantic Marina Thompson ran in, exclaimed loudly 'George' only to see her heart break and confusion fill her eyes.

"Marina, this is Phillip Crane. George's brother. He wants to tell you something," and then Portia Featherington had given him a thoughtful nod and quickly left the room.

So, this was Marina Thompson. She had on a pale-yellow dress that was adorned with small flowers, a necklace around her neck with a heart-shaped locket that he seemed to remember from somewhere, but he wasn't quite sure where from.. Her hair was done up, but black curls framed her face on either side. With expressive brown eyes and full lips, painted with light orange blush and a complexion that seemed to glow, he could well understand why George had fallen for her.

The two stared at each other for a long time, an eternity it seemed, before Phillip spoke.

"As... erm...Mrs Featherington said, I am George's brother.

She looked at him tensely, waiting for every word out of his mouth.

"It... very sorry to have to tell you that George died in combat at the end of April."

He had never experienced heartbreak himself before so seeing another person go through this was foreign to him, but he saw it happen, breaking her heart for him. She fell to the floor and his instincts told him to help her, but he stood there frozen. She wept and wept, and his eyes too began to fill with tears.

Portia Featherington came in and tried to calm Marina down, but it was for nothing, she continued to cry, for minutes and Portia thought it best to discuss this with Mr. Crane in private.

"I was expecting something like that," she sighed.

Philip could only nod, dejectedly.

"And now?" she asked, giving him a worried look.

"Listen I don't know if I should tell you this but... they... she's..."

"Pregnant, yes I know" finished Phillip for her.

"Oh. Oh. "said Portia only.

"But then you know how precarious the situation is not only for her but also for us... She has rejected every suitor so far; it won't be long before she starts showing" she stated worriedly.

"That is why I am here...I intend to marry her.

Portia's face instantly brightened with relief.

"Oh really, you cannot possibly know how much that makes me happy. You marrying her, would be a satisfactory solution... she may not see it that way herself but later she will realise it is for the best."

"I would like to tell her this myself but given her condition..." Phillip began uneasily, not finishing his train of thought.

"Don't worry, Mr Crane. I'll tell her. I'll talk to her. I'll get back to you"..

And she did. A few days later he picked up Marina, soon to be Crane, married her a few minutes later and left with her for the country. His bride married in a white lace dress and had seemed absentminded throughout the ceremony, not looking up even when all the Featherington ladies had congratulated her.

Prudence and Philippa had said goodbye to her briefly, in a made-to-measure friendly way but it was Penelope Featherington whose emotional farewell was to say that Marina hoped to see her soon.

The drive to Crane Estate had been extremely uncomfortable for both passengers. Marina did not seem at all at ease, and even seemed to be shaking, so much so that her hands were shaking.

There had been no malicious element to Phillip's touch, the next second. Of his own accord he had clutched her hand to still it, but the movement startled her so much that she immediately recoiled, and Phillip understood, suddenly very well, what it was that frightened her so much.

The wedding night.

"I'm... I'm sorry", Marina said shyly and slightly embarrassed and then turned to the window, staring out of it, trying not to look at him.

"Don't be sorry", Phillip had muttered, although he couldn't deny that the rejection had stung him, and he didn't know why.

"I think this is a suitable time to tell you about your living arrangements in Crane Estate."

She suddenly gazed straight at him, and he was momentarily upset by the intensity of her gaze, her brown eyes looking at him inquiringly, but he quickly corrected himself.

"I have had a room prepared for you on the east side of the building. I will soon be staying in the western side. Your room should be comfortable but if it is not, inform me and I will um make changes".

Her expression softened and something of relief seemed to come over her face.

"I... have a set structure to my day; and I'd like to stick to it. I get up early, like to read for a couple of hours and then go to the garden or to the woods behind the building. This means that I don't often find myself in public places, apart from dinner. I usually have dinner around 7 o'clock but I can imagine that... given your condition you can't wait that long.

The bottom line is, you will often have to spend the day on your own, but I assure you that if anything goes wrong, I will come right back. The footmen will know how to find me."

She let all this information sink in, he could see, and then replied briefly and politely.

"Thank you Mr. Crane," she had stated.

Mr. Crane... she had said, not Phillip and he wasn't sure if he should correct her or not, but he let it go.

The rest of the carriage ride had passed in silence. When they finally arrived, they had lunch together but shortly afterwards Phillip had left for his greenhouse. And so began their life together, living side by side like two strangers, admittedly extremely polite in their dealings with each other, but strangers they were.

Her head was constantly elsewhere, until the birth of the baby, Oliver Crane. In him she had found joy, he could see, and a purpose. She still seemed as sad as ever, but something in her had changed. Phillip could see that she was besotted with the baby and an involved mother so far.

Phillip also liked to have a new successor in the family, albeit at a distance. He had never been the affectionate type and he knew nothing about babies, moreover Phillip did not know how Marina would react if he made a move to carry the child in his arms.

One day the baby was crying a lot. Phillip had been in the library and did his best to ignore the crying, but it was impossible. Phillip had expected Marina to be around, but she was not. He could not ignore it any longer and went to the nursery before shouting a few times for Marina.

The baby's face had turned from crying when he got there and its little arms were up, wanting isolation, he suspected. Phillip wondered for a moment what to do before he relented and clumsily took the baby in his hands. He had seen Marina rocking Oliver, so he tried to emulate that, at first this did not seem to help and inwardly Phillip panicked but when he started moving back and forth a little harder the baby became quiet and even closed its eyes. Phillip kept on going, his gaze focused on the child, not hearing Marina walk in until the last second when she stood before him.

"Oh..." he said embarrassed.

"Oliver was crying and. you, you weren't there.. I um was trying to calm him down," he said panicked.

She had taken him in thoughtfully but to his delight not scolded for holding her child.

"Thank you."

Marina had then walked forward to take over the baby from him, upon taking over Oliver their hands made very brief contact, the first time since they had been married, well apart from placing the rings perhaps but she had worn gloves then.

He watched as she carefully placed the baby in his bassinet and then to his surprise, turned to address him.

"You can hold him if you want to. After all,... he's your nephew", she had said timidly.

Phillip's mouth did not fall open with surprise.

"Right... Yes, I will... should he cry again, and you are not there... Well..." and he swallowed the lump in his throat, "I have to go" he had said and then quickly ran off.

Now a year had passed, and they sat together in the coach again, and again in silence. They had visited George's grave, as it was the anniversary of his death. Phillip had given her the privacy she needed and waited for her to return.

When she did, he went to the grave and silently said a prayer for him, looking at his tombstone, the dates he had been born and died. Next to him lay Thomas Crane; his father, and Phillip stayed there for a considerable shorter time, although he said a prayer for him too.

And now they were returning home and he knew exactly what was in store for them. She was leaving for her room, relieving the governess of looking after Oliver, and he was to go to his study and out later.

Because they were not very well known and did not go anywhere together, they were not invited to a ball or anything like that. This meant that their social life was virtually non-existent, and they were insignificant to many people in high society.

Yes, he knew exactly how the rest of the day would go. They would meet in the dining room where they would make polite conversation about Oliver, about the weather, about the garden and the greenhouse. Then each would return to their own room and in the morning they would go through the same routine.

After dinner he watched her as she went into the direction of her room and then he headed towards his and plopped down on the bed. He got ready for ready for bed even though it was ridiculously early but today he didn't want to stay up as it had been a dreadful and he wanted to forget all about it.

Phillip hoped that sleep would soon come to fetch him, but alas it did not.

Instead, he stayed up until long in the morning thinking about the past months and everything that had happened, the death of his brother and father, the arrival of Marina and then Oliver.

His thoughts suddenly went back to the moment he had handed the baby to her and how their bodies had met and suddenly a feeling overtook him. A feeling he could not place, although he knew very well what it meant, the realisation shocking to say the least.

He quickly tried to ignore the sentiment and seemed to succeed in it, briefly, inwardly scolding himself for his irrational and inappropriate reasoning and then finally, after a lengthy battle with himself, fell asleep.