A/N: Please don't hate me. The next chapter will be up by Sunday.
Sofia spread the last layer of cheese in the casserole dish before swiping her hands together and proudly declaring, "All done mommy! What's next?" Arizona eyed her daughter's work and gushed, "Great job Sof!" As she placed the pan in the oven she glanced at the clock and said, "Now, we stick it in the oven and in exactly ten minutes when it starts to smell super good in here, mama is going to magically appear in that doorway looking all grumpy and sleepy, rubbing at her eyes." The little girl giggled at her mom's prediction, mostly because she was right about the grumpy and sleepy part. Then she asked, "How do you know that?" The blonde began rinsing the pans she just used as she explained, "Because I know mama and her habits." Thinking about her talk with her mama the other day and the things she knew about her mommy, Sofia rested her head on her hands and asked, "How well do you know mama?" Arizona also recalled her conversation with Callie the other day as the two laughed about their daughter not realizing how much they knew about each other. At that moment though, she became slightly melancholy at the thought that their child never saw the two of them at their best. Thinking for a moment she smiled as she said, "Well, I know mama's favorite breakfast is my Mexican breakfast lasagna, but she will never ask for it because she thinks it's too much work even though she wouldn't think twice about making my favorite meal, or yours, no matter how much work it is." Moving to put away the unused food items, she shook her head as she picked up the remaining chorizo and homemade tortillas and carried them to the fridge. "But she will drop hints like making way too many corn tortillas when we have tacos or making sure I see her favorite sausage as soon as I open the refrigerator."
She continued to move around the kitchen tidying up as she added, "I know she loves to sleep in and take her time waking up and getting ready for the day, because she likes to call herself lazy when she is just being leisurely. But she also loves the thrill of being woken up by her pager and rushing out the door so she can go save lives because she thrives on the challenge of doing something not many people can. I know she cares about her patients more than most surgeons and says a silent prayer in her head before every surgery and she also says one for you and me every night just before she falls asleep." Sofia sat listening quietly then asked, "How do you know that?" Arizona smiled softly and said, "Well, before surgery, I can tell because she takes an instrument off the tray and holds it down on the table, then she closes her eyes and bows her head, I think she is asking God to guide her hands and the scalpel, then she takes a deep breath when she's done and her eyes sparkle just a little bit, like it made her feel stronger. Most people don't notice it, other doctors think she is just looking down at the tool and taking a minute before she makes the cut, but I can see it. Before she falls asleep, I can tell because sometimes she nods off in the middle and still mumbles her prayer in her sleep." Seeing Sofia nod in understanding she kept on, "I know her favorite foods, her favorite colors, her favorite movies and music, I know when she isn't feeling as strong as she would like, she wears her leather jacket because it makes her look badas…uh cool, and I know she loves to dance around in her underwear when she thinks no one is looking, because it relieves stress and makes her feel confident. OH! And I know she bites her bottom lip when she is thinking hard about something…" Sofia popped up then and said, "Hey! I do that too." Arizona smiled and winked at her daughter as she tapped her little bottom lip. "You know what else you do like mama?" Sofia shook her head and asked, "What else?" Arizona thought for a minute and answered, "Well, when you think you are going to be in trouble, you won't look us in the eyes, and mama does that too. She looks everywhere but in my eyes. When you are excited or nervous about something, you twist your hands together while you are biting your lip and bouncing on your toes, and my absolute favorite is your smile; you and mama both have this gorgeous mega-watt smile, but the best part is you smile in your sleep, like you are having very good dreams and it makes me happy just seeing that smile on both of your beautiful faces." Sofia's face split into one of those special smiles just then as she asked, "You think mama is beautiful? Even without her hair?" Arizona chuckled at that and answered, "Oh baby girl, I think your mama is miraculously stunning, I always have… and her haircut? It makes her look…" Sexy, hot, exotic and several other adjectives not appropriate for an 8 year old's ears. "It makes her look even more striking because it highlights the features of her face like her strong jaw, her to-die-for cheekbones and her lovely dark chocolate eyes, all of which you also get from mama." Sofia smiled and said, "I think mama's beautiful too, what did I get from you?" Sofia loved watching her moms together but hearing them talk about each other was different. Before they moved to New York, neither one of them talked about the other unless she nearly begged them. But after listening to her mommy and seeing that silly look on her face that both parents get now when they are around each other, she was starting to understand just how much they meant to each other.
Unbeknownst to the occupants of the kitchen, it didn't even take Callie five minutes to smell the deliciousness wafting through the house causing her to emerge to see what her girls were up to. She was about to say something when she heard her daughter ask how well Arizona knew her. She knew she shouldn't be standing here eavesdropping as her ex-wife and daughter shared this moment, but she was interested to hear what the blonde had to say and it was about her, so she was justified right? While she expected Arizona to spout off her favorite foods, movies, and things to do just to appease their child, she never expected to hear the observations her ex made. With tears clouding her vision and a lump forming in her throat, she listened as the love of her life revealed not just how well she knew her, but also how deeply she saw into her soul. She felt exposed and raw and, and seen, understood, loved, adored,…feelings she hadn't felt in so long when it came to her ex-wife. When it came to anyone really. No one saw her like Arizona saw her. No one understood her like Arizona understood her. No one loved her like Arizona loved her. That was the crux of it, after all this time, everything they went through together, all the fights and anger, they both held onto the pieces that were most important. They could change their hair, their lifestyle, their careers, date other people, hell, move to different states and continents, but in the end, they knew who the other person was at their core and they loved that person flaws and all. That's how Arizona knew she was sincere in her apology and didn't need more than to see it in her eyes, that's how she knew Arizona was sincere in hers and knew she would never cheat again. They saw each other's soul. Hearing her daughter's last question, she decided to join in on the conversation as she walked further into the kitchen.
"Hmmm, let me see, you have mommy's joy. You are both just so happy and excited all the time and it's contagious. People can't be around you and not be happy, not want to keep you happy." Callie said sincerely as she entered the kitchen surprising both girls. Arizona could feel her face turning red from embarrassment, though she didn't say anything she wouldn't have told Callie herself, she normally didn't get this…deep with her daughter. Callie turned to see the shocked, somewhat embarrassed expression on Arizona's face then leaned in to place a soft kiss on her cheek as she murmured, "Good morning gorgeous." She then leaned in and gave her daughter a smacking kiss on each indentation in her cheeks as she said, "Somehow, you got these adorable little dimples that make you both look so sweet and innocent even though we all know that's not true." She laughed as two bottom lips poked out to form an identical pout and pointed from one to the other as she said, "You both do that little pout that makes it difficult to even try to say no to you." She watched as Arizona turned to the oven and pulled out her favorite breakfast and added, "And you both do sweet little things for me that make my heart jump and make me feel important." Then she turned serious as she tried to express how much Arizona's words meant, "Mommy has this amazing heart and this magical ability to help someone feel better just by talking to them. She has this way of making you feel like you're the only person in the room and her smile and her words are just for you. She will always put someone else's feelings before her own even if it hurts her heart. She's funny and silly and knows just how to make you smile. She's strong and resilient and though things might keep her down for a little while, she always comes back fighting. She stands up for her patients when they can't do it themselves. Oh, and…" Callie leaned in conspiratorially and whispered, "She's afraid of authority figures." She smiled when the blonde huffed and playfully pushed her to the side so she could serve their breakfast. She then looked over and waited until she caught the blonde's attention and said, "But most importantly, when mommy loves you, she loves you forever." Arizona was surprised she was still standing after everything Callie said to their daughter because inside she felt like a huge puddle of mushy goo. It was clear to her that her ex overheard her talking to their daughter and this was her way of acknowledging that and expressing how much her words meant. But still, she could tell Callie meant it. She could hear the sincerity in her voice and see the adoration in her eyes. A look that she didn't think she'd ever see aimed at her again. Forgetting they had an audience, both women leaned into each other and as Arizona wrapped her arms around Callie's neck, she felt strong arms wrap around her back. Just as she bent down to touch her lips to Arizona's, Callie heard, "What did I get from my daddy?" Arizona laughed as Callie dropped her head on her shoulder and quietly growled, "Your impeccable sense of timing." Stealing a quick kiss anyway, Callie stepped back and turned to grab the plates, as she carried them to the dining room table, she said, "Let's eat and we will tell you about your daddy."
After they were all seated, Sofia looked at her moms again and asked, "Did I get anything from my daddy?" Arizona smiled as she swallowed and pointed her fork at the little girl who was nearly bouncing in her seat, "That right there, when your dad was excited about something, he was nearly bursting out of his own skin. He would rub his hands together and his eyes would light up, he'd squint a little and get these little lines right here," she ran her finger around the corner of her daughter's eye and continued, "…that almost made it look like they were shining like the sun. He had this huge smile that nearly split his face in two. He looked just like a little kid when he was excited." Callie swallowed thickly, she had almost forgotten how Mark looked and was surprised her ex even noticed those tiny details. "What else?" Sofia asked, happy to finally hear about her dad. Callie smiled and said, "Well, he wanted to learn about everything. He was very nos…um curious." She corrected herself and heard the blonde snort. Arizona nodded and added, "He was always happy too. I could probably list the times I saw him angry or in a bad mood on one hand. But his happy was different, it was like…" She stopped trying to figure out how to describe it when Callie cut in, "Mischievous. Mark always acted like he had a really juicy secret." She laughed then as she conjured a picture of her best friend exactly as they had just described him.
Taking a bite of her food she chewed silently, appreciating Arizona's cooking, then became concerned when she saw her daughter's face drop. Looking at the blonde, she understood she noticed it too as she furrowed her brow and asked, "What is it sweetheart?" Sofia sniffled and said, "I didn't say goodbye before we left, we always go say hello and goodbye to daddy when I am in Seattle, but I…I didn't…and we won't be back for a long time." She trailed off sadly and put her head down staring at her hands. Arizona looked up to see confusion written all over Callie's face. Apparently Sofia never told her other mother about their visits. Getting out of her seat and going to her daughter, Arizona squatted as best she could and lifted her little girl's face and looked directly into sad brown puppy dog eyes as she said, "Hey, we did though. You were sleeping and had such a long day; I didn't want to disturb you. But when I talked to daddy, I told him we were leaving to come be with mama and we all missed him so much." Looking up to keep her tears at bay, she continued, "I think, I think he heard me because I said something to him and later that night, after we tucked you in, mama said almost the exact same thing. I think that was a sign that daddy heard me, I think he gave mama those words to say and he was telling me he was happy we were all going to be together again." Sofia looked up at this and asked, "Really? You think he knows? But won't he be sad that we don't talk to him anymore?" Arizona thought about how to best explain this to her daughter. As she looked outside, she got an idea, "Do you remember how I said daddy could hear us whenever we talked to him no matter where we were?" Sofia nodded and said, "Mmhmm, you said that stone with his picture on it was for us, to make us feel better, to feel like we were talking to him and not to air. You said, um…that place was just a quiet place for people to think and remember." Arizona nodded then pointed to the trellis in the backyard as she said, "Do you see that little fence right there?" Seeing the little girl nod, she offered, "On the other side of that fence, mama has built this beautiful little rock garden with a waterfall and some benches and it has already become my very favorite place to go to think and remember. What if we took one of those rocks and your paints and we painted daddy's name on it and put it back out there and whenever one of us wants to talk to daddy or just remember him, we can go out there and see his rock and remember that he is still here with us. It will be like we brought him to New York with us." Sofia perked up then, excited by the idea of having her daddy there with them too.
Confused by her daughter's words, Callie sat silently and listened to Arizona talk to Sofia about visiting the cemetery to talk to Mark. Clearly this was something the two of them did together that was very special to them. She was in awe that Arizona made sure to keep Mark's memory alive for their daughter by taking her to see where he was buried and giving her an outlet for her grief. Arizona didn't go to cemeteries, she didn't grieve like other people did, she didn't talk to dead people, she didn't even talk about dead people, she was a scientist through and through and believed once someone was gone, they were just…gone. When she heard her ex-wife explain they did stop at the cemetery and describe her 'conversation' with Mark, she tried to think back to that night after tucking their daughter in. She remembered saying, 'No matter what else we got wrong, she's the one thing we did right,' and asking about the odd look on the blonde's face. But Arizona shook it off saying she said the same thing to Ma…Callie's eyes widened in understanding then. She just figured Arizona was going to say Miranda and decided to drop the subject deeming it unimportant. But now she understood. Based on the explanation she just gave to their daughter; she saw this as some sort of sign from Mark. As the two carried on their conversation, she watched her ex-wife carefully and lovingly explain death to their daughter, perfectly melding her own belief that the soul lived on and watched over loved ones with Arizona's belief that cemeteries and headstones were for the mourner and not the mourned. She smiled at Arizona's suggestion that they paint a rock for Mark and put it in the rock garden. It seems that no matter what the situation, when it came to Sofia, Arizona bent her beliefs and feelings to suit the little girl's needs because she was her daughter. With that thought, a realization unlike any other she had before slammed into her and instantly brought tears to her eyes and sent a sharp pain to her heart.
Hearing the gasp behind her, Arizona turned just in time to see Callie push her chair back and rush from the room crying. Just as she stood up, she saw the worried look on Sofia's face as she asked, "Is mama mad? Did I do something wrong?" Arizona furrowed her brow and knelt back down as she smoothed her daughter's hair and soothed, "No baby, daddy was your mama's best friend and he was very special to her. I think talking about him just made her sad." Though she wasn't thoroughly convinced of that explanation herself, Arizona smiled softly and suggested, "How about you go get dressed in some play clothes, bring your paints out to the picnic table, go out in the yard and pick the best rock you can find and paint it for daddy and I'll go check on mama?" Sofia seemed to think about it for a moment before she asked, "What about you and mama, don't you want to paint a rock too?" Arizona nodded her head and said, "We do, but we can do that some other time. How about you take this time just for you and daddy and you talk to him and tell him everything he has missed since we last went to see him." Seemingly satisfied with that suggestion, Sofia hugged her mommy and rushed off to her bedroom. Arizona stood up and let out a deep breath. Though she had calmed one Torres, she worried the next one wouldn't be so easy. Deciding to leave the mess on the table for now, she headed down the hall toward the older Latina's bedroom.
Callie paced her room trying to gather her thoughts and calm her emotions. Over the course of her time in therapy, since she found that envelope in Penny's closet really, she had slowly come to the realization that she had been wrong about Arizona for the majority of their relationship. While she thought she was ready to talk about this, to apologize for her behaviors and actions, it just hit her that what she did was so much deeper than mere accusations. It wasn't just about things she said or did or allowed, it was about a belief she had formed, an idea she clung to, the foundation she stood on in the midst of so many arguments. Though she slowly came to understand she was wrong by doing the things she did, just a few days with Arizona, not even a week of watching this woman interact with their daughter, seeing how badly she hurt at even the thought of their second child, made her realize her entire belief system was wrong and she had based it all upon that first argument that broke them nearly ten years ago. Walking over to her dresser, Callie picked up the little blue paper that she pulled from the carafe the night before and ran her finger over her daughter's name. She closed her eyes as she felt the tears return. Tears of shame, regret, self-loathing, and grief all flowed from her eyes as sobs wracked her body bringing her to her knees in the center of her room.
That's exactly how Arizona found her, sitting on the floor on her knees, curled up in a ball, nearly hyperventilating from the sobs escaping her body. "Oh sweetie," Arizona sighed and she could nearly feel her heart split in two at the sight, she carefully closed and locked the door then rushed to the other woman and quickly maneuvered herself onto the floor as she wrapped her arms around her giving her the only comfort she could without knowing exactly what brought this on. She held Callie tight whispering, "Shhh, it's okay, I got you. Calm down honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when…" She trailed off as she felt Callie shake her head back and forth furiously. She closed her eyes and loosened her hold realizing she was the last person Callie would want to console her since she couldn't even be there for her after Mark died. At a loss, she started to pull back and get up when her arms were captured in a tight grip. Finally looking up, through her own tear-filled eyes, Callie saw the hurt and rejection in watery blue eyes and asked, "Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" Arizona tried to fight the tears and said, "You, um, you don't want me to console you, you don't want me to talk about Mark and…I get it I wasn't there when…" She once again trailed off at Callie's furious head shake. "No Arizona, I'm…I'm not upset about Mark." Swiping at her tears, she scrunched up her face in confusion then asked, "But, you're crying and you ran out when we were talking about Mark." Finally realizing they were both still on their knees and Arizona couldn't be comfortable, Callie stood up and pulled the blonde with her then led her to the settee sofa at the end of her bed.
Taking a deep breath, she held out her hand for Arizona to see what she was holding. Arizona looked down at the crumpled blue post-it note and reached out to take it when the hand it was resting in raised in offering. Unfolding the paper, she became more confused as she read their daughter's name. Then it occurred to her that this was one of Callie's big things to discuss. Was she seriously about to apologize for their daughter? Seeing the flash of anger spark in those blue eyes only exacerbated Callie's guilt as her tears started all over again. Reaching out to take the pale hand that was now balled into a fist into both of her hands, Callie carefully and gently uncurled the fingers and massaged them until she could feel some of the tension leave the coiled body next to her. Speaking softly she said, "Before you get angry, let me talk okay?" Arizona took a calming breath, forcing herself to count to five as she inhaled and exhaled. Finally she nodded and said, "Okay, but if you say I never wanted…" She was cut off this time by a soft tan hand covering her mouth. She looked up then and immediately deflated when she saw the pain and regret swirling in those bottomless pools of emotion. Callie pulled her hand away and said, "I'm not, I swear. If I say it, it will only be in reference to something, but not because I think it or believe it and I can promise you, right here, right now, it will NEVER be said again after this conversation is over." Arizona closed her eyes at that point. She wanted so badly to believe that was true. Though she knew the next…however long this conversation was going to take…was going to be brutal, she also knew it had to happen if they ever wanted to move forward. Opening her eyes, she looked up at her ex-wife and gave a nearly imperceptible nod for her to continue.
Looking back down at the note, Callie said, "I'll um, I'll start with what just happened, then go from there okay?" Hearing a hum of approval, she started, "You took Sofia to the cemetery to talk to Mark. You talked to Mark." Arizona agreed, "I did." Callie nodded her head and said, "You don't go to cemeteries and talk to dead people. You don't believe in that." Arizona sighed, not sure what her ex-wife was getting at. She brought her hand up to rub her temples and explained, "I don't, but Sofia does. She came home from Mer's one day and said Zola told her she talked to her daddy all the time and she went to see him a couple times. She had lots of questions, so I took her to see Mark and Derek and explained as best I could. Whenever she left or came back, she wanted to go see her daddy, so we did." Callie nodded as she listened to her ex-wife's explanation and said, seemingly out of the blue, "When you talked to my dad that first time…" She stopped and looked her ex in the eye as she explained, "…he told me…he said you told him when your dad found out, when he found out you were a lesbian, he bent for you…because you are his daughter. We hadn't talked about kids at that point, but you knew then, you knew then what it meant to be a parent and you, you taught my dad that you bend for your kids, you learn to meld your beliefs with theirs, your needs with theirs, because you are the parent and you meet your children's needs, and…and you've done that. You've done that since you first heard her heartbeat." Arizona was starting to understand what Callie was trying to say and allowed herself to fully relax and drop her defenses.
Seeing she was being heard, Callie turned her body more to face the blonde and took both hands in hers. She looked her in the eyes again and said, "In therapy, I faced a lot of ugly truths about myself. But this topic, kids, Sofia, this was the nastiest of them all. I thought I had dealt with all of it and was ready to talk about it, that's why I put her name on the paper, as a reminder of all the things I needed to talk about. But this week, today, watching you together only reinforced to me how very wrong I've been. Not just in my behaviors, but in what I allowed myself and others to believe." Seeing the pain and anguish cross those beautiful features sent another dagger to Callie's heart. She stood up then and walked to her dresser that held pictures of her family. She took a deep breath as she started, "This was our first argument and it broke us. I didn't get it. I didn't get it for a long time. You said you didn't want to see your kid on your operating table and I argued that you never would. I dismissed your fears. I forced your hand. I forced your hand and made you walk away. In doing that, I allowed myself to believe that it wasn't just a baby you didn't want. It was me too. I talked myself into believing that you didn't want me. That day in the hospital, you said, you said you couldn't change for me because you didn't trust me because I fall in love all the time. I hadn't proven to you that I was in love with you. I can see it now, it's true; up to that point, I hadn't done anything differently with you than I had with George or Erica. I didn't go out of my way to show you that you were different. With both of them, instead of talking to them, I went to Mark. Though, with them, when things got bad or confusing, I went to him for…I never…not with you Arizona. I swear. I talked to him about you and about my feelings, but I never…not from the day we met. But I didn't listen to what you were saying. What I heard was you didn't trust me because I was bi-sexual. I didn't hear your fear. Fear that I would do what I did with George and turn to Mark, or what I did with Erika and turn to Mark. I just…I ignored you, I pushed for what I wanted and I didn't listen to your feelings."
Picking up the very first family photo that was taken the day she and Sofia were released from a 3 month stay in the hospital. She looked at the 4 smiling faces and felt the tears fall again. "I was asking you to have a baby with me, to commit to a lifetime of raising a child together and I WAS…I was untrustworthy. You had no reason to believe I wouldn't…" She closed her eyes then took a deep breath, that was one of the hardest things for her to admit, but not as hard as this next part. She turned with the picture in her hand, held it up and said, "And I did. When things got hard, when you went to Africa, you weren't gone a month and I did. I went right back to my old behaviors, I turned to Mark, the one person you were most threatened by. I turned to him. I was drunk and missing you and needed to feel something. I needed to just feel anything. But the only thing I felt was anger and disgust because I did it. I did exactly what you were afraid I would do." She was nearly sobbing now. They both were. But she knew she had to push forward. "When you came back, God, you were standing there and you were so beautiful and you were saying everything I wanted to hear. You were fighting for me. For ME. Nobody ever fought for me before Arizona. You gave up the chance of a lifetime, you risked your career for me and the only thing I wanted to do was fall into your arms. But I couldn't. I couldn't because I did the one thing I knew you would hate me for. So, like a coward, I refused to listen, I refused to let you apologize. I held onto my hurt and anger and avoided you and was mean to you because I fucked up. That day I found out, you stood in front of me in an elevator and talked about how much we love each other and you asked for another chance, one more chance, and I…oh God, I told you in an elevator that I was pregnant with Mark's baby and…" She closed her eyes and repeated her sentiment from the night before, "Then I told you I wanted you in my plan and gave you all of 5 minutes to process, to commit to raising a baby with Mark Sloan."
Arizona sat on the small settee with tears streaming down her cheeks watching Callie pace in front of her saying things she never thought she'd hear. Things she never thought her ex-wife would recognize or admit to. She could hear the regret in her voice, see the sincerity and honesty of her words written all over her face. What's more, she could feel that Callie finally understood and acknowledged her pain, the betrayal she felt at coming home to…her thoughts were broken by Callie appearing before her on her knees, looking directly into her eyes, reaching out to take both of her hands. Callie held onto Arizona's hands and looked her in the eye as she vehemently stated, "You said you were in and you WERE. The minute you heard her heartbeat, you claimed that little girl out there as yours. You went to all the appointments, you dealt with my hormonal crazy, you put up with Mark and his "I'm the father" rants, you endured baby showers, and through it all, you loved me, you loved her, you never stopped loving me and you never stopped showing me you wanted me or our baby. When, when she was born, before she took her first breath, she needed you. She needed the pediatric surgeon who didn't want to have babies because she was afraid she would have to treat them. Sofia wasn't a minute old and the second of your biggest fears came true. I gave birth to her Arizona, but you gave her life." Hearing these words, Arizona broke down. These were the words she had longed to hear for the last 6 years. This recognition that she didn't just come along and take on the role of parent. The understanding that she was there from the very beginning and she was just as much of a parent as either Mark or Callie. But that last part, the part that she herself never realized is what had her so broken. The mother of her child finally saw her as an equal. She allowed Callie to pull her in her arms as she sobbed uncontrollably for what felt like hours.
Finally settling down, Arizona sat up and saw from the red and swollen eyes, Callie had been crying just as hard. She saw the remorse in Callie's eyes as she stood up and started pacing again. "You never once gave me reason to believe, except for that first fight…Arizona, you were always her parent. I never doubted it. I never questioned it. Even after the plane crash, I didn't think you were avoiding her because you didn't want her, I knew it was because of your own pain. It wasn't until…" She trailed off knowing she hadn't even touched the hardest parts yet. "You were the one who wanted the next baby. I mean, I wanted her too. I just, you brought it up, it was your idea." Arizona knew what Callie was getting at and steeled herself for the battle about why she didn't want to try again. "We wanted another baby and we got pregnant and we were so happy. Then…then you weren't…you weren't…" Arizona blew out a breath and said harshly, "I had a miscarriage Callie. I lost our baby. My body rejected our baby, not me." Hearing the harsh tone, Callie realized Arizona thought she was blaming her and rushed to sit next to her and tried to take her hand. When Arizona started to pull away, she tightened her grip and quietly pleaded, "Arizona? Look at me. Please." Not wanting to see the blame in those eyes she was starting to love all over again, Arizona kept her head down. Seeing the blonde wasn't budging, Callie said, "You lost our baby and without letting you mourn, without listening to your pain and your fears, without acknowledging my own, I pushed to try again right away. Without understanding that you blamed yourself, that you thought I blamed you for the miscarriage, I pushed and when that didn't work, I went back to that first argument. I threw it in your face. I don't even know why. I didn't blame you for losing our baby, but I did something worse. I accused you of never wanting to have kids thereby implying you didn't want the one we had. I undermined your parentage of Sofia." Arizona looked up then and her broken expression made Callie's breath hitch. Softly, almost childlike, Arizona asked, "You don't blame me?" Callie squeezed her hands and said softly, "I don't blame you Arizona. I never did. I didn't even know you blamed yourself until yesterday. All this time, I thought…" She was almost ashamed to admit it, "Until last night, I thought when you said you couldn't take another loss that you meant losing people, Mark, Lexie, Nick. I didn't understand that you meant your body couldn't take another loss, your leg, our baby. I didn't understand and I am so sorry for that." Arizona just nodded in understanding. She wondered what that meant. Is that all she was sorry for?
Needing some space, Arizona got up and walked to the patio doors and looked out the window. She could see their daughter playing in the yard and found just the sight of her to be calming. Callie watched Arizona walk to the door and look outside. She knew the minute she saw her face soften that their daughter was out there in the yard. She knew because she had the same affect on her, she always brought her a sense of peace. Speaking quietly, Callie said, "I was never fair to you. When we…when we were separated the first time, I just took our daughter and left. I was so hurt and angry, but I was going to keep her from you. I accused you of not wanting her that night too. Every time we got into a fight, I clung to that argument. When I walked out, that last time, I kept her then too and just assumed you would be the one to get visitation. When I decided to move here…" Callie trailed off as she noticed Arizona was visibly shaking and trying to stay calm. Remembering their rules she asked quietly, "Do you, um, do you need to walk away for a little while?" Arizona turned to look at her then and Callie was taken aback by the absolute devastation she saw on her face. She was certain this was the end of whatever they just started when Arizona nodded and left the room without saying a word.