A/N: I am so relieved you liked the last chapter. This stuff is stressful. Here's a short one to hold you over until this weekend when I can focus more time and attention to these two lovely ladies. They are starting to move forward now and address the changes that have occurred. With that said, Callie's experiences may not reflect what you envision or may have experienced in your own life. They are a combination of what I see happening through following Sara Ramirez' social media and my own journey through gender dysphoria and identity.
Thank you so much to Mondlerfankay for your undying support, ideas, and especially recommending this story to your own readers. It means so much to have a 'writing buddy' to bounce ideas off.
After leaving Callie's room to get dressed and ready for the day, Arizona sat at her own vanity preparing to put on her make-up. Looking in the mirror, she instantly recalled the moment her eyes connected with Callie's in the reflective glass and felt her heart take the final tumble. She wasn't sure what gave her the push she needed; maybe it was the security she felt waking up in Callie's arms; maybe it was the words her girlfriend said to her before they went into the bathroom, the sincerity and conviction in her tone; maybe it was the intimacy they shared in the shower, the act of nurturing and taking care of one another; maybe it was the passion that came over them; maybe it was the loving and tender touch Callie used with her when they finished showering; maybe it was the intensity of the other woman's stare as their eyes connected; maybe it was a combination of all of the above. Whatever it was, the moment their gazes locked with one another, she knew two things for certain; she was completely and irrevocably in love with Calliope Torres, and her feelings were more than reciprocated. As she began lightly applying her make-up, Arizona realized she knew by the end of their first phone call that she was headed in this direction. At that time though, she was deathly afraid of the idea of falling for her ex-wife again because she was living with daily reminders of how painful the act of falling out of love could be. But over the course of the last five weeks, especially since she arrived in New York, she was reminded of how exciting and exhilarating falling in love, more specifically falling in love with Callie, could be. This time, however, was quite different than the first time. The first time, everything was new, an adventure, a discovery of what lies beneath, an awakening of emotions, the kindling of the flame of passion. But this time…this time the love was already there, it was a complicated web that spanned over the course of the last ten years, but it already existed. Though now they knew who the other person was at their core, there was still mystery, a re-discovery of sorts, new habits, new beliefs, and new ways of looking at things. While there was familiarity and comfort, there was still excitement and anticipation.
Applying her eye-liner and mascara, Arizona thought about the last few days and realized that while they were hashing out their past, they were also redefining their future. They truly were putting the old Callie and Arizona to rest and creating a whole new version of themselves as a couple. In the process of improving the way they communicate with each other, respond to each other, express their emotions, they have been developing a completely different way of interacting with one another. Even though they were always in tune with each other's mood, they rarely checked in just to get a read on their emotional state, something they did constantly now and was becoming second nature. In the past, though they always felt the need to be in contact with one another, she never climbed into Callie's lap which was quickly becoming her favorite thing to do, nor did Callie just scoop her into her arms and lavish her with attention except on the rare occasion that she was feeling exceptionally amorous or playful, but now it was a daily occurrence. They were always sweet and sappy and were called on it often, but even they had their limits and wouldn't have been caught dead using pet names, but here they were calling each other baby, sweetie, and honey. Then there was the intimacy, the connection they always shared, the parts of them that they both recognized as their favorites, like knowing when the other person was in the room, feeling their presence or their eyes on them, communicating without saying a word, it was still there, came to them naturally, but it was just so much more…intense. Finally came their physical connection. The passion…oh the passion they shared always ignited quickly and burned hot, but now, it's like they were constantly on the verge of combustion. Every touch, every kiss, every smoldering look tested their willpower and threatened to boil over without warning. Giving herself the once over in the mirror, Arizona smiled at the person who looked back at her, the person she hasn't seen in quite a while, the person who was once more one half of a whole. With that in mind, she turned to go in search of her girlfriend.
As she reached the door that was left slightly ajar, Arizona heard a frustrated, "Damnit!" coming from within and thought she saw a glimpse of fabric sailing across the room. Knocking lightly, she called out, "Calliope, may I come in?" Without waiting for an answer, she pushed the door open to an empty room and nearly got hit with a pair of jeans that came flying out of the closet. "Whoa, what's going on in here?" Arizona asked as she stepped further into the room and dodged a piece of black material she thought she recognized as one of her favorites. Looking around the room she noticed the skirts, shirts, pants, and shorts littering the floor and realized Callie was indeed struggling with something just as she had concluded in her earlier musings. "What? Arizona?" Callie asked as she stalked out of the closet in nothing but a pair of white boy shorts, white sports bra, and white tank top, the sight of which made the blonde's mouth go dry and another area of her body become damp. Slightly embarrassed by her inability to choose an outfit, Callie rubbed the back of her neck nervously and asked, "Uh, what are you doing here?" Arizona swallowed thickly unable to focus on anything but the perfect contrast of white fabric against the vast expanse of smooth caramel skin. Seeing the look of pure desire on her girlfriend's face improved Callie's mood greatly and she started to feel a little better about herself as she smirked and asked, "You okay there?" Tearing her gaze away from her incredibly sexy girlfriend, Arizona looked around at the clothing battlefield, smiled slyly and said, "I was about to ask you the same thing. I've heard of the New York Fashion Explosion, but, ah…this isn't what I pictured." This comment made the brunette chuckle and she relaxed a little more. She knew she was probably being ridiculous, but she already felt out of sorts most days when it came to getting dressed and now it was more stressful because she was concerned about what Arizona would think about her choice of outfit.
As Arizona began picking up the scattered items, she noticed everything she was holding represented her girlfriend's former taste in clothing, the blouses that highlighted her cleavage, the form-fitting skirts that accentuated her curves, the tight fitting pants and jeans that outlined her perfect ass. In essence, the items she currently held in her hand emphasized Callie's femininity. At that moment, she realized this all went far deeper than just a change in preference. Treading lightly she spoke softly as she asked, "What's happening sweetie?" Picking up a tight black skirt and eyeing it with contempt, Callie knew Arizona's question wasn't just in reference to the current situation. No, her very astute girlfriend had picked up on something she herself wasn't certain how to explain. Plopping down on her bed with the offending object in her hand, the brunette stared at it as she held it up and said, "I just, I wanted to look sexy…for you, but…ah, none of this feels right anymore." Callie dropped her hand and looked down at the garment that was once her go to confidence booster. Arizona furrowed her brow afraid that maybe she read things wrong and Callie was having doubts about them. Seeing the concern wash over the beautiful features, Callie realized Arizona thought she was referring to them and rushed to explain. She extended her arm and waved it at the bundle of clothes in her girlfriend's arms, "None of these clothes feel right, they don't feel comfortable, I don't feel sexy in them anymore. I used to love getting dressed up, all these things were like my second skin, but now…I don't…they don't feel right. I just…I feel…exposed." Finally understanding, Arizona put down the offending outfits, sat on the bed next to Callie, took the skirt from her hand and held it up, looking at it discerningly as she asked, "And you think I won't find you sexy if you don't wear these things?" Callie nodded slightly as she said, "You love this skirt on me, and those tops, that purple one…the way you looked at me…I just, I wanted to look good for…" She trailed off as Arizona held up her hand to stop her.
Arizona could tell where this conversation was going and decided to cut it off before it could even start. Lifting her hand to stop Callie's rant, she tilted her head and said, "This is where we got ourselves into trouble before, so I'm going to stop you right there." Callie nodded her head and snapped her mouth shut as she watched Arizona toss the garment on the pile with the others and turn to face her more fully. Taking a deep breath, Arizona closed her eyes briefly then looked directly into questioning brown eyes and recalled, "At the end, one of our last sessions, I complained that you put words in my mouth and you…" She trailed off when she saw Callie was going to interject and held up one finger as she said, "and you, you were upset that I never told you how I felt about things, the things I love most about you." Realizing her girlfriend wasn't making accusations or trying to start a fight, Callie relaxed her posture and nodded for her to continue. Picking up the purple shirt Callie had just mentioned, Arizona looked at it and smirked as she said, "I don't think there was ever any question about how sexy I found you. It was obvious in the way I looked at you or responded to certain outfits." She held up the shirt as an example then tossed it aside as she continued, "So it only makes sense that you would assume that I was responding to the clothing, the style, the cut, the fit." At Callie's nod of agreement, Arizona added, "So how do you explain my response to you in scrubs which we all know are the ugliest creation on earth?" Callie's lip twitched and curled into a small smile as she shrugged her shoulders and supplied, "Strange fetish?" Arizona laughed and explained, "Not quite. This is where I failed you Calliope. This is one of the many things I never told you. One of the things I just took for granted that you knew. I would tell everyone how beautiful you were, how stunning I found you." Shaking her head at herself, Arizona lifted her hand to Callie's cheek as she admitted, "I told everyone but you. I would comment on your outfit or you could see by my physical reaction what effect you had on me, but what you didn't know, what I didn't say was it didn't matter to me what you were wearing, it's not the clothes I find sexy, it's not what you wear that has such an effect on me, it's the way you wear it." Callie furrowed her brow trying to figure out the difference.
When she noticed Callie's confused expression, Arizona went back to her earlier reference and explained, "Scrubs are the least sexy thing on this planet, but when you wear them…when you are working, you are in your element. You are strong and sure and confident. You are so secure in your knowledge as a researcher, your abilities as a caregiver, your skills as a surgeon and when you dress the part, wear your scrubs, or put on your white coat and roll up the sleeves, you just have this…aura about you. You carry yourself differently. I find that self-assuredness so damn sexy I can hardly stand it." Callie thought about this for a moment and realized Arizona was right. She has been a surgeon for over fifteen years, but since the very first time she ever donned a pair of scrubs and every day after that, she felt fierce, significant, as if what she did, who she was, mattered. She was the expert, the one with all the answers, she was the one people were counting on. No matter what was going on in her life, when she was wearing her scrubs or her white coat, she was in control. It started making more sense to her now.
Seeing the understanding dawn in her girlfriend's eyes, Arizona continued, "It's the same way with anything you wear, no matter what it is, if you feel sexy, if you feel confident, you walk taller, you smile bigger, your whole body exudes this certainty that appeals to me in the most primal way." Waving her hand over the pile, Arizona said, "You haven't worn any of these clothes since I've been here Callie and I haven't been able to keep my hands off you. If anything, I find you more attractive. For me, it's not about the clothes, it's about the attitude, the way you believe in yourself, how you feel about yourself. Don't get me wrong, this body, God your body is the thing dreams are made of, but your clothes aren't what make you attractive or sexy, your presence is what I find so appealing." Then, without saying another word, Arizona stood and went to Callie's closet disappearing within.
Callie watched as her girlfriend emerged from her closet with a pair of black jeans she recognized as the same pair she wore to the airport along with a red button down short sleeved shirt. She furrowed her brow in confusion as the blonde held them out to her and nodded toward them. When Callie made no move to take the outfit she picked out, Arizona laid the shirt on the bed as she crouched down with the jeans in her hands and began dressing the Latina herself. She pulled the fabric up the long toned legs making sure to make as much contact with her skin as possible until she was hindered by her girlfriend's sitting position. Tapping on Callie's knees to encourage her to stand up, Arizona smiled when she complied then realized she didn't think this through all the way as she sat on her knees just inches from her girlfriend's delicious mound, hidden only by the thin white fabric. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss at the apex of muscular tan thighs before standing up and pulling the jeans the rest of the way up. Sitting on the bed, Callie watched in fascination as Arizona knelt before her and started dressing her herself. Though she was confused as to her girlfriend's intent, she enjoyed the attention and decided to follow her lead. Standing as she was directed, she bucked her hips slightly when full pink lips came into contact with her heated core. As Arizona stood up and they were now face to face, Callie smiled when the blonde leaned in and brushed their lips together briefly before returning to her task. She looked down and watched as dexterous fingers fastened and zipped her pants then tucked themselves into her waistband pulling her forward until their bodies collided. When Callie felt those same hands slide around her hips and tuck into her back pockets, she lifted her own arms up and rested them on her girlfriend's shoulders as they both leaned in for a longer more passionate kiss.
Finally breaking apart, Callie rested their heads together and snorted as she asked, "Should I read anything into the fact that I was just sitting here in my underwear and you seemed so intent on dressing me?" Arizona squeezed the tight ass in her hands before leaning around her to grab the shirt from the bed beside her and scolded, "Hush you, I'm making a point." Callie stepped back and allowed Arizona to help her into her shirt as she asked, "And what point would that be?" After fixing her girlfriend's collar, Arizona lifted her hand to Callie's head and scratched at the soft stubble as she said softly, "I don't know what's going on up here, if it's just the clothes or if there is more to it, but I feel like it's different…a whole different attitude about how you see yourself, who you see when you look in the mirror. But THIS you, THIS version of you is the person who has consumed my thoughts for the last five weeks, THIS Callie Torres standing before me right now is the only person I want, the only person I need. THIS is the person who holds my heart. So I need you to promise me, whatever you're feeling, whatever you're worried or wondering about, you'll come to me and ask before you form what you think my opinion will be, before you think it will change how I feel about you. Whatever you're going through, I'm going through now too. Okay?"
As Callie listened to Arizona's heartfelt words, the same words and sentiment she herself spoke not two hours ago, she felt a warmth spread through her body, an acceptance she didn't know she craved. She wasn't sure what was happening either, but she was so happy her girlfriend saw it and was vowing to stand by her. She didn't recognize it before, but as relief washed over her, she realized this was something that was weighing heavy on her heart, Arizona's reaction to the changes she was experiencing concerned her, but she knew now, she didn't have to worry. Shifting slightly, she lifted her free hand to tangle in blonde curls as she gently turned her girlfriend's face to study it more carefully. Seeing nothing but the truth radiating from those captivating blue eyes, she said, "I honestly don't know what this is either, it started with my hair, then I just didn't feel right in my clothes and as I walked by certain stores, I would see these outfits that appealed to me, but I feel like it's more than that and I'd like to explore it. I need to figure it out, because it does, it runs deeper than just how I look. But hearing you say what you just said, I didn't even realize how nervous I was, but God Arizona, it means everything that you are…" She trailed off as she felt a lump forming in her throat and tears burning her eyes. Seeing how emotional Callie had become, Arizona leaned forward and rested their heads together as she said, "Then we explore it together, we find you the support you need, we keep checking in, and we keep talking." At Callie's nod of agreement, Arizona leaned in and sucked her bottom lip into her mouth, tugging on it with her teeth then letting it go with a pop. Stepping back she said, "But first, we clean up this mess, pack it up, or put it in a different room or whatever you want to do, then, while we are out shopping today, we find you some new clothes that fit the new you and we take the rest as it comes. Together." Callie looked at the woman in front of her and couldn't believe she was lucky enough to find her twice. Unleashing her mega-watt smile, she nodded her head and responded, "Together." Then she bent down and connected their lips in a searing kiss.
As the kiss became more passionate and the touching more fervent, both women quickly found themselves needing more as their hands simultaneously moved to slip under shirts to feel bare skin. Callie didn't even realize they were moving until she felt her legs collide with the bed as Arizona pushed her down and crawled on top of her bringing their bodies flush against one another. Letting out a soft moan, she pulled back briefly to catch a breath and tilt her head in the other direction as she leaned in and captured swollen pink lips once again. As her hips began to involuntarily thrust forward, Arizona barely registered the closing of a door from somewhere in the house causing her to pull back only to lean in again seeing that Callie had bent forward chasing her lips. Hearing the sound again, she pulled her head back and looked into desire filled questioning brown eyes. Unable to form a complete thought, Arizona simply stated, "Sof." At that one word, Callie quickly pulled her hands from under the blonde's shirt and helped Arizona slide off her and into a sitting position. While they didn't mind her seeing them be affectionate with one another, what they were just doing was bordering on indecent and neither of them wanted their daughter to witness that, let alone have to try to explain it to their 8 year old. When Callie was once again sitting next to her, Arizona rested her head against her shoulder as both women tried to slow their breathing and clear the lust induced haze.
Finally gaining her wits about her, Callie ran her fingers through long blonde hair and smirked as she said, "Arizona?" The blonde looked up into twinkling brown eyes and could almost feel it coming, as she heard, "What you said was beautiful and it meant a lot, but don't you think you should come up with your own speeches?" Before she could react, she saw a flash of red and black racing out the bedroom door and heard that melodious laugh she loved so much echo down the hallway. Arizona could only shake her head and laugh along as she followed the woman who owned her heart down the hall.