I set my pen down, giving myself a moment to gently clench and unclench my fist. Stiff fingers and all that. I've been glued to this desk for, what, two hours?
Five letters. E-x-a-m-s.
Exams. I can't admit to liking them any more than the average person. I have enough on my plate without them. Though…
When I lean back into my chair, my eyes meet the invigilator's. Good ol' withery Tanaka-sensei from the Home Economics class for today. I flash him my customary smile and I notice him straighten himself just a bit as he returns it, half-abashed.
Exams are hectic times, sure. For both students and teachers. Though, arguably more for former. And undeniably more for students on the final legs of their, how many was it again, seven or eight years at high school?
(There's a part of me that's telling me something's a bit strange about that figure but I can't quite put a finger on it. Oh, well.)
Just a few more months left. That's what it essentially boils down to. Just a few more months till the grand finals. And college entrance exams. Maybe job hunting for some.
Just a few more months till graduation...
Exams are anxiety-inducing by themselves. Add to it the stress of the impending end of the year, it is not at all surprising that the third-year classrooms practically reek of nerves.
With so many dead-eyed people roaming the hallways, you might almost wonder if you'd walked into a zombie apocalypse without realizing.
Ah, well. That's where I come in anyway.
You'd be surprised how long a way a few words can go for some people. Some judicious words of affirmation, maybe a gentle push, and if you're watching carefully enough, you might just catch the exact moment their eyes light up.
Going about it is a bit different person to person. Some people don't put in all that much effort, don't take things all too seriously, even knowing that they could be doing better. And for all the ways they justify it to themselves, they have a nagging somewhere. It's a delicate little thing to address, but someone has to do it.
Some people are already putting in the effort, and just need some validation. Some just need an opportunity to unwind for a moment.
It can be tricky business at times. But all in a day's work.
And who ever could possibly be better for the job than PK's very own resident angel?
*Resists snickering to herself.*
Ruminations aside.
I glance back at the sheet on my desk. Maths is... not a subject I'm bad at by any means. It's just that, numbers aren't really all that interesting to me, not nearly as much as people are. A decent score somewhere above eighty, lest I appear too negligent, and little below ninety-five, lest I appear too intimidatingly studious, is probably optimum for a perfect pretty girl.
I've rechecked my answers twice. It should do.
I should still have - I give the wall clock another glance - some fifteen minutes remaining till the bell. I'd care to get some thoughts in order than give the paper another round of double-checking, I think to myself.
I feel myself already slipping out of exam mode at any rate.
It's like that feeling when you've gotten your ears submerged in the bath-tub and you take them out, and all of the surrounding noise is soaking back into you. My usual awareness is already returning.
The soft, monotonous scribbling noises that characterize an exam hall. The occasional stifled groan, the slightly more frequent quiet sigh. The soft rhythm of inhalations and exhalations.
The environment is soaking back into me, filling me up.
And of course, the boy sitting so proximally to me hardly eludes me.
You'd be rather hard-pressed to get me to give you a straight answer if you were to ever ask me if I believed in God. Nevertheless, they have my sincere gratitude for seating me right next to him.
There are times in a day when the light entering from outside has just the right angle for his silhouette to show on the sheen of my desk. They're vague shapes of pink and green, blending in with the aspen brown of my desk, but they're his vague shapes of pink and green. My eyes are already tracing along them when I realize it.
Without even looking, I'm distinctly aware of that vaguely annoyed look on his face, and that light lazy hunch of his…
I'm already keeping note of the rhythm of his scribbling when I realize it. I get the sense he's on the matrix problem. Second to last.
Make sure you simplify the second matrix before taking the determinant, Saiki-kun. I wasted five minutes trying to do it as-is.
Not that he can hear my mental counsel. But it's fun to pretend. Like, when his pen halts just for just a moment as the words crossed my mind, I can pretend my feelings somehow reached him.
...Kidding.
It's... not like I'm even trying to notice him. It's just become a habit.
It's been, what, seven months already, since our third year began? In all honesty, I still haven't gotten over the novelty of sitting right next to Saiki Kusuo. Memories of my second year at PK just drag on and on. In comparison, the last few months felt like they passed in the blink of an eye...
Summer went by without me being able to do anything, break and all. Though that is another story.
I try to talk to him, I really do. Sitting next to him, I try to bring up homework and quizzes and the things he's been up to, and the books he's been reading, and the shows he's been watching, and the things he's been thinking, everything that I could come up with. And it hardly keeps his attention. He doesn't like talking about school. He doesn't like talking about studies. Or his home life. Or his hobbies. There was this brief period when dropping a "Coffee Jelly" somewhere in my attempted conversation would get his momentary attention, but he quickly grew immune. A real shame too. The way he'd perk up was kind of cute.
But. As with anything. Persistence is key. However little it is, I like to think I'm making progress.
[~Three Weeks ago…]
The scent of freshly cut lemon and the rich savory aroma of sizzling duck fat filled the Saiki kitchen.
The girl's face was a look of concentration. With a handy pair of saibashi a.k.a cooking chop-sticks, she gently turned the pieces on the pan, carefully eyeing them brown.
Saiki Kurumi watched from the side, absently nodding to herself.
A minute or two later, the girl pulled a paper-towel lined tray next to the pan, before moving the pieces onto it one by one.
"Oh, it smells delicious, dear," the woman remarked, stepping in beside her, while the girl finished sprinkling them with a pinch of salt.
The girl returned her compliment with a beaming smile.
"Shall I set it on the plate?"
"Ah, yes. But before that," the woman said, producing a small jar from the overhead cabinet.
The girl watched curiously as she sprinkled its contents over exactly one-fourth of the tray. Grabbing a pair of chopsticks from the counter, she plucked a piece and blew gently.
"Try it," she urged. A little abashed at the gesture, Kokomi nonetheless obliged, gently leaning forward to take a nibble.
As she finished it, she took a moment to process the taste. "Was that soy-chili vinaigrette that you added? But it's a little different than what I was expecting. A bit too..."
"Sweet?" Kurumi smiled. "It's a special version just for Kuu-chan." Kokomi cocked her head, but studiously noted down the info in her mind.
Setting the jar back, the woman then plucked another piece, one that she hadn't sprinkled the contents on, blowing on it gently, and taking a nibble herself.
"Hmm~," let out the woman, almost wiggling on her seat as she did. "Isn't this amazing, papa?" she said.
"Hmm~~," the man across from her mirrored her expression. Too caught up in savoring the taste to reply, but his agreement to her assessment was clear enough.
The click-clacks of active cutlery continued a few moments longer when Kuniharu paused, noticing the thinning aroma of the karaage replenish.
"I'm done with the second batch." The two looked up to see Teruhashi Kokomi emerge from the kitchen, a soft accomplished smile on her face as she set down another tray's worth of freshly cooked karaage.
"Ah~" Kuniharu breathed in the soft, luscious scent wafting from the tray. "It looks delicious!"
Kurumi nodded in affirmation.
"Kokomi-chan. Oh, the karaage was exquisite!" she said. "I can't believe how quickly you picked it. It must be even better than how I make it."
"You are too kind," the girl said, the radiant smile still on her face, as she undid the strings on her apron. Well, Kurumi's, but she was borrowing it for the time being.
"I only managed because of your instructions, Kurumi-san." She delicately slipped the garment off, putting it aside.
"It was incredibly fortunate running into you at the grocery store. I really did learn a lot. Once again, thank you so very much for having me over!" She finished with a light but polite bow.
And the woman was absolutely swooning.
"Oh, it was nothing dear." She waved it off. "I've said it before, but please come over whenever you want. We're glad to have you."
Leaning back into her chair, she sighed dreamily. "You know papa," she said, "I've always wanted a daughter."
Kuniharu made some noise of acknowledgement at the sentiment but said nothing more as he continued stuffing himself.
Kokomi seemed to take a pause. She took a moment to gather the right words.
"I think... Kuriko-chan would be a little sad to hear that," she said, as she was unmaking her updo.
She turned around. "I'm sure she also regrets missing out on being able to take cooking lessons with you."
Her hair gently cascaded back onto her neck and shoulders as she finished undoing her hair. "I wonder when she is coming back from Paraguay? I think it'd be lovely if we could have taken cooking lessons together."
Observant as she was, the girl didn't fail to notice the Saiki pair stiffen up the moment she mentioned Kusuo's female alter-ego, though her social acuity also meant she was quick to draw the (right) conclusion that their reaction had something to do with a familial issue that they wished not brought up.
"O-Oh, r-right. Ku-Kuriko-chan...," the woman replied. "Y-yeah, I w-wonder when she's coming back. I-I m-miss her so much! D-Do y-you have any i-idea, p-papa?"
He shook his head jerkingly. "I-I think K-Kusuo might know."
At the boy's name, Kurumi seemed to forget her momentary jitteriness.
"That boy..." she pout-slash-frowned, "Kokomi-chan takes the trouble to come over and he can't even come greet her. Where are his manners?!"
"It's alright," the girl attempted to assuage. "Nowadays, I can hardly catch him without a book when we're at school. I'm sure he has his hands full with the coming exams."
Saiki Kurumi made a face. "I'd hope that's all there is to it."
"..?"
"Oh, it's nothing dear." She waved it off, back to her bubbly self. "At any rate, busy or not, I'm sure he'd love to give your karaage a try." she said, readying to get up, "Why, I'll go fetch him for you."
"Ah-"
The woman paused at the girl's reaction.
"I-If it's all the same to you, c-can I fetch him myself?"
The light flush on her face, the fiddling of her knees, the sudden loss of composure... The woman was absolutely swooning. She was just barely composed enough to utter her assent.
"O-ffu course, dear!"
Finally looking up from his karaage binge, Kuniharu looked back from the dreamy look on his wife's face, to the subtle look of determination on the girl's.
"Uh, what?"
Swiftly. Tentatively. Gracefully.
Teruhashi Kokomi steadied herself in front of his door, taking a deep, long inhale. Exhaling, she gives it a light knock.
It moved slightly ajar at the contact.
"S-Saiki-kun?"
No response.
"Saiki-kun? Are you there?" She tried again, her hand on the knob.
When no response was forthcoming, she finally decided to take a peek, gently pushing the door open.
It was not her first time looking into Saiki Kusuo's room, but she couldn't still help but take a moment to gawk.
It was presently vacant. That much she expected.
There was paraphernalia littered on the bedside drawer. A pair of socks are lazily strewn next to the bed. Her gaze lingered a moment on his shelves and his collections, before moving on to his bed.
A book, or rather a manga from the looks of it, laid open by the sheets, while a crumpled bag of chips sat on the study table.
Before she could inspect any further however, her attention was drawn to the sound of a door closing from the end of the hallway.
Saiki-kun. He was watching her as he let go of the knob. Her heart skipped a beat.
Perfect pretty girl that she was though, it took her hardly a second to recover from her surprise. Not missing a beat, she fell back on her customary smile. Which he customarily failed to acknowledge, before she customarily side-stepped to allow him passage.
He continued ignoring her, all the way till taking his seat on the bed. Kokomi managed to keep up her smile somehow. Eventually, he looked back, as to ask, 'What is it?'
Imperceptibly, as it might have been, the girl's smile widened.
"Kurumi-san asked me to fetch you for lunch. We made some karaage... I can let her know if you'd like me to bring it over though."
The last line seems to grab the boy's attention. Kokomi wondered if she imagined the minute hint of urgency in his voice when he replied, 'no, that won't be necessary.'
As she watched the boy set aside the book lying on his bed, she chanced asking, "what were you reading, if it's alright with me asking?"
She was half-expecting to have her question brushed off like usual, but he seemed to consider it for a moment. Grabbing the book, he came up to her, simply handing it to her, before walking past, to the stairs.
The girl eyed the title for a moment, before turning around to ask. "Is it any good?"
Without looking back, the boy gave her a thumbs up. She raised a brow, but her smile was an order of magnitude brighter.
"If you finished reading it, can I hold on to it?"
The thumbs up remained, disappearing only as he did down the stairs.
[~Back To The Present…]
It's kind of strange to think that such a small win filled me with so much happiness. But, it did.
I was so elated, I finished reading it before dinner. And the best part? I actually really, really enjoyed it.
Thinking about it, why did I not pursue this angle more in the past? I had seen DVDs and manga strewn about at his place before, but I'd never quite managed to ask him about it.
I had tried bringing up titles I knew of in conversation before, but I had never really gotten much of a reaction. Looking back, that was a bit strange, wasn't it?
I might not look the part, but I do take quite a bit of pride in being very well-read across many different genres and mediums.
A pretty perfect girl must be able to build rapport with anyone, whether that's an Otaku, a bookworm, a history-nerd, or a gamer. Of course, there's more to it than just knowing about their area of interests - some people are the type to love answering questions, and respond better to a casual familiarity with their areas of interests. Then there are others that look down on you for asking stupid questions, and you find yourself needing to be knowledgeable enough to earn their respect before they open up to you. And obviously, coming off as superficially interested is an especially big no-no.
Generally, to captivate an Otaku, it helps to become an Otaku…
All in all, I like to think that I generally have a very good intuition for who likes what kinds of genres and titles. And it was precisely because of that, that I was pretty stumped when I couldn't really place Saiki-kun's preferences at all.
What types of titles did he prefer? Something light and fun? Something easy to unwind to? Or something fast-paced and thrilling? The type that keeps you on the edge of your seat? Or maybe something mature and thought-provoking? Something elaborate?
Was he the type that could go along with the occasional plot hole? Or was he the type that's a stickler for consistency? Was he the type to read casually? Or was he the type that takes books even to the dinner table?
I… wonder if he ever breaks into a smile when he's reading by himself? I wonder if he ever laughs. I hope he does.
I wonder what that sounds like…
I want to hear it someday.
What… about when he's watching some sappy family drama on TV? I don't think it'd be his cup of tea, but I'd kind of want to make him suffer through one, just for the reactions… I can't imagine it making him cry, but just once, I wish I'd be able to see him moved.
Thinking about it, there are so many faces I want to see Saiki-kun make. So many. All the different sides of Saiki-kun. All the different sides that he shows when I'm not looking.
I... think I got side-tracked for a moment.
I'm almost tempted to take a glance at him. But I won't. The exam is still going, even if I'm done with mine.
From the sounds of it, he's almost done too.
Sigh...
…Saiki-kun, I'm sorry if it's a little rude of me but, after I did my research to figure out what you liked, I had honestly pegged your tastes to be rather strange.
Obscure mangas that barely anyone at school had heard about. Obscure games that absolutely no one at school had heard about. Cheap B-Rated flicks that had probably spent a decade or two prior collecting dust in the mustier cabinets of some rental shop. Aside from the shows that you follow on TV, so many of the things you watch or read are things that almost no one, outside of a few from very eccentric circles, had heard of.
And, add to that, they had hardly a thing in common…
I knew a senpai in the literature club once who was very keen about old folk tales, especially those from abroad. I knew another who loved to read old sci-fi, especially those written right after the First or Second World Wars. If someone was going out of their way to dig up obscure titles, you'd think they'd at least have a reason.
If Saiki-kun was searching for titles within a very specific niche, that might have explained things. But that wasn't the impression I got at all. If anything, the genres were completely arbitrary.
I spent a good whole deliberating it all. A good lot. And after thinking through it all, I could really only think of two possible explanations.
One - someone was, on purpose, recommending such titles to him to poke fun at him.
Saiki-kun doesn't really talk to people a lot, so he might not have a good sense of what's popular, and what's not. And he might be getting duped by someone who doesn't want Saiki-kun to get along with his classmates or something.
(Maybe that mean brother of his...)
I think Saiki-kun would be the type to see through something like that, though. That only left the second possibility.
That, for Saiki Kusuo, obscurity itself was the genre of interest.
I spent a few days considering that.
Was it a complex about not getting swept up with the mainstream? Saiki-kun is certainly not the type to try and fit in with the mood, and I can see him being stubborn about it…
Or does he just not like the idea of other people watching the same things as he does? Like, when you have to share your favorite toy with your annoying cousin and don't know what they'll do to it? If they'll brazenly say it sucks, or if they like it, they'll decide it belongs to them and won't give it back. Does he have some kind of bad experience like that? (Because of that mean brother of his...?)
Or, is it...
I feel my eyes wandering over to the boy again but I stop myself.
Is it just that… he wants to be on the side of the smaller content creators? Anything that's trending is already getting a lot of love. Does he want to give his viewership to someone for whom it would actually count? That... would actually be really sweet if that was the case.
Whatever the case, thinking it all over, it does seem that it matters to him that the things he reads or watches are things that not a lot of other people read or watch.
I'll still be watching out for people trying to dupe Saiki-kun though…
As the thought crosses my mind, I hear Saiki-kun's scribbling come to a halt. I glance at the clock. Seven more minutes? Saiki-kun, that's barely enough time to double-check everything. You have to manage your time better than that.
Not that he can hear me. But it's fun to pretend.
Nevertheless...
Returning to the previous topic, if there was one thing I learned from that whole thought exercise, it was that, Saiki-kun, for all his air of indifference, and somewhat difficult to understand tastes, even he had shows that he loved, characters that he adored, and manga he liked enough to recommend to others…
…`The Perfectly Ordinary life of Psychic Kozue`
An odd title, I'd thought, but it was nothing that would evoke any particularly strong reaction. It wouldn't have, if it wasn't Saiki-kun who had recommended it to me.
I'd turned the pages more out of curiosity towards Saiki-kun and why he was recommending it, than for any first impressions, but by the time I finished it, I really had enjoyed myself. It was such a fun and cute work, loose but just gripping enough. It was such a shame more people didn't know about it. I wonder how Saiki-kun found out about it.
And intuition told me that he enjoyed the manga even more than I did. I wonder if it clicked with him somehow? Saiki-kun giving something a thumbs up was about the same magnitude of anomalous as a meteor suddenly trying to flatten Japan. (Which was an oddly apt comparison too since I'd seen both happen exactly once.)
But I digress.
Indeed. What I should be focusing on at this moment, is not the past, but what opportunities that past means for the present and the future.
More precisely. For the coming 24th of December. The Eve before Christmas. Just two weeks away!
…Eve… Oh, Christmas Eve!
Ordinarily, it's quite the busy day for me.
Some students throw parties with their friends. Others celebrate at their clubs. Nevertheless, I get invited to just about every single event happening on that day. Even though the third-years will probably hold back a bit considering they're preparing for college entrance-exams, that still leaves the second and first-years. And though I'm a third-year myself now, I can't very well afford to make myself scarce on Christmas. Considering that it's my final year at PK, it's all the more pertinent that I make the most of my time with the underclassmen.
That said, this year has another agenda even far more pressing...
This time, I can't help but sneak a glance.
Saiki-kun is looking at his paper with a bored look on his face. I wonder if he's actually not bothering to double-check at all. He's so nonchalant about it…
His usual green-tinted glasses rest quietly on his face, doing nothing to conceal his look. His pink hair clips are there too, as usual.
That one time he'd lost his glasses and hair-clips, I thought he actually looked really sleek. But I can't say I mind this, more dorky looking Saiki-kun, either. That color scheme would look so awkward on anyone else, but on him, it's just… him. I don't know a better way to put it, but it suits him.
For a second, I almost feel the scenery shift.
Snow. A blanket of night. I somehow make out his eyes through the Christmas lights reflecting off his tinted glasses. I can see the shape of his exhalations in the chilly winter air. He's walking next to me, his expression tucked away behind a warm looking muffler. I wonder if we're on a date...
He slips his hands into his coat, rummaging for something. A present, I think. He fixes his eyes on me, a very casual, nonchalant look. And yet, there's a certain softness to them that I don't usually see. I almost wonder if he's shy…
And, the image crumbles. Just like that, we're back. Back to the classroom.
Except for his eyes. They're still looking at me.
I quickly avert my eyes, feeling heat rising up my cheeks. I can't believe I was caught staring…
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
I take a few seconds to recollect myself. I can't believe I was caught staring…
It takes a few calming breathes too many to calm myself back down. But I manage it.
What was I thinking...
Taking one last long exhale, I hope Saiki-kun didn't think too much of it, and try to fix my thoughts one more time.
...This year, I've an agenda far more pressing than my usual Christmas duties. I almost look back, but stop myself.
Graduation's a stone throw away.
I'm not even sure what I want from him anymore. Once upon a time, all I thought I wanted was to make him go 'Offu!'...
I know I want to spend Christmas Eve with him. I know I want to have my first shrine visit of the year with him. Winter break starts tomorrow, and I know that I want to spend as much of it as I can with him.
I know I want him to look at me. I know I want him to fall for me. I know I want to learn more about him.
I know that I want to see him smile. At me, preferably. That I want to watch many movies with him. And maybe reads books sitting next to him. See what faces he makes. What he looks like if I tease him over spoiling what he's reading. Nag him about my favorite characters. Hear him nag about his.
I know that I want to hear him laugh. That I want to poke him on his nose, and tickle his sides, and play with his hair, and hear him talk about his dreams, and... And...
...What…
What is it… that I want from Saiki Kusuo?
[Author's Notes:
Chapter's left till Teruhashi Kokomi's world falls apart - 6 to go.
Thanks for reading.]