"You never told me this was going to be an all-day thing Robbins. Just pick already!" Nicole Herman groused from her perch in the corner of the conference room. Arizona looked at the colorful array of scrub tops spread across the large table and the stack of index cards labeled with each profession, which she had been rearranging for the past thirty minutes and proclaimed, "I can't just randomly pick Nicole, this is important. Colors have meaning and represent certain things to certain people. Weren't you the one who told me just the other day how important first impressions are?" Nicole truly appreciated that her partner was putting so much thought into this, but her type-A personality was making this 100 times harder than it had to be and she was driving her up a wall. Deciding to fuel the fire just a bit more she glanced up to where she heard the voice of the annoying woman emanating from and declared, "I like the black. Go with that." Arizona put her hands on her hips and let out a snort of laughter and corrected, "There are no black scrubs and you know damn well you remember color." The older woman scoffed and retorted, "They are all black to me and I'm thinking I'm grateful for that right about now because my guess is every single one of those things is bright and cheery and would make me want to puke and I swear if you put me in pink, I will teach your child every cuss word known to man." Arizona let out a huff of frustration and defended, "They aren't that bad…" "Whoa! When did the skittles factory explode?" a deep familiar voice exclaimed from the doorway causing both occupants in the room to turn in that direction. Nicole mumbled, "My point exactly!" popped up from her chair, grabbed her walking stick and made for the door saying, "Oh thank God someone who can actually deal with the walking rainbow. Good luck Torres." As she turned into the hallway she called behind her, "Remember, no pink or your kid starts talking like a sailor."
Callie stepped further into the room, furrowed her brow, lifted her thumb, pointed behind her and asked, "What's all that about?" Arizona scoffed and explained, "I thought picking scrub colors would be a fun diversion from all the tedious stuff, but it's way harder than I expected and she's no help at all and told me if I make her wear pink, she will teach Sofia how to cuss." Callie shook her head and chuckled then replied, "Honey, you're asking a blind person to help pick out colors for scrubs." Arizona huffed and retorted, "And I only have one leg but it doesn't mean I don't want everyone to wear pants!" Callie's jaw dropped in shock and she said, "Oh my god! You did not just say that." Arizona smirked, shrugged, then reached out and tucked her fingers into Callie's waistband and pulled her closer as she flirted, "Except you, you should never wear pants." Callie lifted her hands to Arizona's hips and lowered her head so their lips were centimeters apart and asked, "Is that so? You might have more than a drug rep to fight off." Arizona nodded, leaned even closer and murmured against her lips, "Absolutely. I can take 'em." She then nibbled on Callie's lower lip before slipping her tongue into her mouth for a steamy hello kiss. As the kiss ended, a slightly light-headed Callie blinked a couple of times to break through the lustful haze and whispered, "Hi." Arizona licked her bottom lip, lifted her eyebrows, and responded, "Hi."
Arizona stepped back slightly then took in her girlfriend's outfit and asked, "No patients today?" Callie nodded and responded, "I already did my rounds this morning and have a couple of surgeries this afternoon, routine hip replacement and torn meniscus, but Dr. G was able to fit me in so I'll be leaving here shortly for my appointment. I just came over to let you know and to see if you needed anything before I took the car." Arizona smiled softly, lifted her hand to trace the design on the side of Callie's head and replied, "I love that we can ride to work together again. I'm glad she can get you in today. How are you feeling?" Callie rubbed Arizona's hip, rested their foreheads together and answered, "Me too. I'm…confused…I know this could be a good thing, it's just…it really bothered me how angry I got, how I didn't even let her talk. I know why I did it, but, it scared me, I don't like that it came back so easily. I'm not that person anymore." Arizona could see the anguish written all over Callie's face and hated that she was filled with such self-doubt. Lifting her head, she looked into uncertain brown eyes, raised her hand to caress a soft tan cheek and soothed, "You aren't that person anymore. Until yesterday, you have shown no signs of the anger or temper that used to come so quickly. I think…I think you are so happy now, so content with where you are and who you are, with what we have built, that seeing Lucia…you saw it as a threat, something that could interrupt our happiness…pop our little bubble…so you reacted. This isn't the norm Calliope; this is the exception. Everything up to this point, you have dealt with remarkably well, you have processed and responded appropriately. Yesterday was a shock and once you got home, and analyzed it, you even felt guilty about it. You recognized it right away and you responded completely differently when she appeared at our doorstep." Callie breathed a sigh of relief and felt some of the tension leave her body. Nodding her head, she agreed, "You're right, I know you are, it's just…" She shrugged her shoulders, not knowing what she wanted to say next. Arizona finished for her, "It's just that you have a lot of unresolved feelings where your mom is concerned." Callie smiled, kissed Arizona's nose and whispered, "You know me so well."
Arizona brought her hands down to caress Callie's shoulders, walked her backward toward the table and suggested, "I do, and I know exactly what you need to keep your mind off your mother and your appointment with Dr. G." Callie quirked her eyebrow, wrapped her arms around Arizona's back, bent her head and nipped at her throbbing pulse point and asked, "You do huh?" Arizona closed her eyes, momentarily losing her train of thought at the feeling of Callie's lips on her skin, then reached behind her girlfriend, grabbed a scrub top, brought it between them and chirped, "You can help me pick colors." Callie frowned at the offending item and groaned, "Seriously Arizona? We don't ever agree on colors." Arizona poked out her bottom lip in her best pout and begged, "Please Calliope, you've done this before and I know you had a reason for choosing the colors you did for each profession and specialty." Callie knew she was helpless against the pout and conceded, "Fine, but you owe me." Arizona bounced on her toes and exclaimed, "Yay! Anything you want." Callie wiggled her eyebrows and asked, "Anything I want?" Arizona squinted her eyes, knowing it probably involved sex, but it's not like she still wouldn't benefit. Nodding her head, she quickly agreed, "Anything you want." Callie clapped her hands together and declared, "Ooh this is gonna be fun." Arizona groaned at the mischievous look in her girlfriend's eyes, leaned up and pecked her on the cheek and said, "Thank you. This is driving me nuts."
Callie eyed the plethora of colors then shuffled through the index cards to see all the categories that were listed. Finding the one she wanted, she placed her first card on the aqua colored scrubs. Looking over her shoulder, Arizona questioned, "You think?" Callie smiled and responded, "It's refreshing, comforting, calming, and it really makes your eyes pop." Arizona laughed at that and remarked, "I'm pretty sure frantic parents won't be looking at my eyes, but I like it and it's a change from the navy. So what's next?" Callie looked through the cards and proclaimed, "Yellow for the nurses in the NICU and Nursery, it's warm, cheery, just what worried parents need to see when they are visiting their sick babies. Royal blue for residents, it speaks of dependability, trust. Purple for your other nurses, its regal, professional, joyful. This bright green for non-medical staff like receptionists, orderlies, food service, it's light, welcoming, and easily identifiable. Pink for OB, cuz, well it's OB. The darker green for custodial and maintenance. This burgundy color for lab geeks. Oh and hmmm orange for students and interns." Arizona put each card where Callie suggested then turned and asked, "Why orange for interns and students?" Callie smirked and replied, "Because I don't like orange and I don't like interns so I know who to avoid when I come visit." Arizona threw back her head and laughed, then wrapped her arms around Callie from the side and commented, "I actually like this. It makes sense."
Callie rested her arm on Arizona's shoulder, pulled her closer, kissed the top of her head and teased, "You know you could have done this on your own." Arizona smirked and replied, "Yeah, but you didn't think about your mom did you?" Callie smiled softly then got a glint in her eye and added, "Nope, and I get to pick any payment I want." Arizona looked at her sideways and warned, "Don't get too carried away there Torres." Callie smiled then glanced up at the clock and declared, "I should get going, I don't want to be late after she struggled to fit me in. I love you and thank you. I knew just seeing you would make me feel better." Arizona turned in her arms, kissed her softly and replied, "I love you too. Come see me when you get back?" Callie stole another kiss, stepped back, and responded, "You know it." Arizona watched Callie walk away, some days she just couldn't get over how different her girlfriend was and her heart filled with pride at seeing how hard she was working on herself.
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Dr. Stella Griffin sat in her overstuffed green chair, pen and paper resting in her lap long forgotten, as she stared wide-eyed at her patient who spent the last 18 minutes rambling about everything that has gone on in her life since their last visit. She had to admit, her sessions with Callie were never boring. Clearing her throat she observed, "Well, it sounds like everything is going well with Arizona, you got all the big stuff out of the way and have talked about your future plans, is there anything you're concerned about on that front? How is Sofia handling everything?" Callie smiled brightly and gushed, "No, everything is…I don't know…I feel like we are stronger than we have ever been, like we are finally living the life we always dreamed of, and Sof, she is over the moon. I've never seen her so happy." The older woman smiled, happy to hear things were finally working out for the other woman. She wasn't sure what it was about Callie Torres, but she was one of those people you just wanted to see come out on top. She had been through so much and deserved to find her happy ending.
As happy as Callie was though, there was clearly something bothering her, thus the reason for the visit. It was rare that she requested an emergency meeting, so when she did, she knew it was something pressing. Picking up her pen once again, the therapist asked, "I'm guessing you are here today because of the encounter with your mom. Tell me about it." Callie took a deep breath, stood from her seat and started pacing the small office space. She had been thinking a great deal about her feelings involving her mom and there were a few things that just kept coming back to her. Looking out the small window she explained, "When we first ran into her, it was clear she didn't know who Sofia was and she didn't recognize Arizona at all and that just…it pissed me off. I mean, technically, she was talking to her granddaughter and daughter in law and had no idea who they were." She stopped, ran her hand through her hair, scoffed and continued, "She even…she even told Arizona how much Sofia reminded her of her daughter. The way she said it, she was so loving and affectionate, like she talked to me all the time and…it just…it set me off." Stella made a few notes, studied her patient for a moment, and asked, "Then what happened?" Callie took her seat once again and explained the entire encounter with her mother at the hotel, then what happened later when she showed up at their home.
Stella noticed Callie's demeanor and realized she was fidgety and antsy, behaviors that were more common in her earlier sessions. Putting down her book, she leaned forward, rested her elbows on her knees, and quietly commanded, "Talk to me Callie. What's going on?" Callie looked down at her hands and spoke quietly, "I was so angry, so hurt, I didn't let her talk, I barely let her say a complete sentence. It…I behaved like I used to, like I did with Arizona toward the end and I didn't like it. I didn't like feeling that way, so out of control, and I'm afraid…I'm afraid I didn't really change, that I…that I just haven't been in a situation like that, and the first time I was…I just reverted right back to the old Callie…and Arizona saw that…and now…what if she thinks..." Callie stopped, she could feel the tears stinging the backs of her eyes, she hadn't even realized that was really her fear until she said it aloud.
The therapist nodded, it was making more sense now, this was a huge point of contention in their marriage and something Callie considered to be one of her major flaws that contributed to their downfall. The older woman asked carefully, "Did you talk to Arizona about this?" Callie blinked a couple times, still surprised by her revelation and responded, "I told her last night that I was feeling guilty because I didn't let my mom talk and why, and again today, I said I was worried I was regressing. But just now…it just occurred to me here that maybe Arizona would be worried about it, that she would see that I didn't really change." Sitting back in her chair, Stella asked, "What did she say?" Callie smiled as she thought about the intimate moment in her girlfriend's conference room and recounted their conversation, "She said that I wasn't that person anymore, that this was the exception now, not the rule, that I saw my mom's presence as a threat to our happiness and got scared and just reacted." Stella smiled at the other woman's insight and asked, "So, she didn't push away from you, act adversely in any way?" Callie furrowed her brow and responded, "No, she's been nothing but supportive." Stella nodded and asked, "So Arizona didn't equate this behavior to your previous actions in any way?" Callie just shook her head, still worried that her girlfriend would see the worst in her.
Trying to figure out a way to get her point across, the therapist asked, "So you and Arizona discussed the cheating, the leg, the custody battle, the miscarriage, everything that caused screaming matches in the past?" Confused as to where this was going, Callie just nodded her head. The therapist continued, "All things that made you angry and caused you to respond in the same way you responded to your mother." Callie nodded again, and the other woman observed, "Yet, you didn't respond in the same way, you didn't yell or scream, you allowed Arizona to say what she needed to say." Finally understanding where her doctor was headed she smiled and concluded, "I have been presented with those situations, I just…I handled them differently. So, I'm not…I'm okay?" The redhead nodded and explained, "I have to agree with Arizona, I think you were just so shocked and did see your mother's presence as a threat to your happiness and you reacted accordingly. I mean, the last time you saw her, it was one of the happiest times in your life, you had a newborn, you were marrying the love of your life and she put a damper on it by attacking both of those things, so you jumped to the defensive. You just got all that back and here she is again. You said yourself you responded completely differently when she showed up at your house. You thought about your reaction and you corrected it. You could have shut the door in her face and the old Callie would have." Callie snickered knowing just how true that statement was.
Callie thought back to her mom's visit and stated, "There's something else. While she was at the house, she said she didn't know if she would have ever gotten the courage to talk to me if she hadn't bumped into us at the hotel. That hurt…a lot. I mean, it feels like she really wants a relationship with us, but she never made a move." Stella put her hand over her face to try to hide her smile, it sounds like Callie was more like her mother than she wanted to admit. The older woman nodded then asked, "What if Arizona hadn't moved to New York?" Callie furrowed her brow again and asked, "What the hell does that have to do with this?" The therapist let out a frustrated sigh and explained, "For over a year, you've been talking about getting your family back, you designed a house for your ex-wife, you decorated a room for her…but you never actually told her of your intentions. What if she hadn't moved to New York? When were you going to tell her?" Callie dropped her head in her hands and let out a groan of frustration. The therapist explained, "It happened when and how it happened and Arizona could have been angry that you never told her your intentions. But she focused more on the actions, the meaning behind them, and you are stronger and happier than you have ever been. Try not to focus on when or how your mom came back into your life, but the fact that she did. Yes, it hurts that she let this go on so long. She could have let the encounter at the hotel be the end of it, but she didn't. Even with your anger, she chose to find out where you live and come to you. Give her a chance and just…try to find healing. Try to focus on the present, on the future. Once you are on more solid ground, then revisit the pain of the past."
Callie knew her doctor was right, she also knew it was going to be difficult, but it was difficult with Arizona too and look where they are now. Nodding she asked another tough question, "What do we tell Sofia?" Stella exhaled loudly, kids were always difficult to figure out in situations like this, finally she asked, "What does she know?" Callie shook her head and answered, "Nothing really. She's asked a few times where my mom was and I told her we weren't close like Arizona and her mom." The doctor nodded and responded, "Nothing." Callie quirked her brow and asked, "Nothing?" Stella smiled and responded, "Sofia is bright, she is also very much like both of her mothers. If you tell her the truth, well…that's more than someone her age needs to deal with. If you tell her you had a falling out, she will take your side and automatically have a negative response to your mother. Just tell her that the woman you all ran into was your mother, because clearly she will recognize her and let the chips fall where they may." Callie wiped her hand across her face, she knew the other woman was right and Sofia would indeed act as predicted, she just wasn't sure leaving her to her own devices was the best option either. Afterall, she was very much like her mothers and had quite a mouth on her. She'd present it to Arizona and see what she thought. Callie sat back on the sofa and let out a relieved breath. She could truly feel all the stress from the past two days lifting from her shoulders and allowed herself just a few moments to decompress and process.
Dr. Griffin studied Callie's appearance for a moment, making note of the nondescript outfit of a short sleeved button down top and tan pants that could honestly neither be classified as male or female attire along with her shorter hair that she also noticed on the last visit. She also recalled Callie mentioning 'other changes' when summarizing her past few weeks. When Callie first started her sessions, she more often than not presented strictly as female, she wore skirts, dresses, or more form fitting clothes, her face was fully made up, her long hair always styled perfectly, but as time progressed, as Callie became more self-aware, more confident, her outer appearance started reflecting her inner changes. They had never discussed this, but she was led to wonder if her patient was experiencing gender dysphoria or exploring her gender identity and if she were, how this might play into her concerns about her mother returning to her life.
Linking her fingers in front of her and resting her chin on her hands she stated, "Tell me about your new look." Callie furrowed her brow, looked down at herself, then said almost shyly, "Yeah, we haven't talked about this before." Stella tilted her head and asked, "Do we need to?" Callie thought about it for a moment then replied, "I…I'm not really sure. I think I'm doing okay on my own, there are a few things I am still wondering about, but…this is all kinda new to me." The therapist nodded and replied, "The realization might be, but I've seen the outward transformation take place gradually and figured there might be some questioning or exploring of your gender identity going on." Callie huffed, tossed up her hands and asked, "Oh my God, how am I the last to know this?" Stella chuckled and responded, "Sometimes we don't acknowledge what we don't understand. Tell me about your process."
Callie spent the next several minutes filling her therapist in on her self-discovery, her conversations with Arizona, Stevie, Jo, and her own research and explaining how she feels about herself and her current presentation. Stella listened carefully noting that Callie's journey wasn't far removed from other patients she's worked with. Once Callie was finished, the therapist asked, "What's bothering you right now? You said there were still things you were wondering about." Callie smiled and responded, "Actually, I feel really good about this, like, I feel like me for the first time in…I don't know how long. I asked Stevie how I know if I'm doing it right and they told me that I'll know if I look in the mirror and the person I see matches the person I feel like. At first I didn't get it, but for so long, I would look in the mirror and almost feel like an imposter, like people were going to look at me and figure out I'm not who I say I am. But now, I look in the mirror and I feel like…me." Stella nodded again and asked, "And who are you?"
Callie furrowed her brow and thought for a moment, took a deep breath and responded truthfully, "That's the part I'm struggling with. I mean, I just feel like me. But I feel like people want a label and up until a few years ago, there wasn't a label for this, other than butch or trans or…I don't know. I mean, I don't want to be a man, but I'm more comfortable, feel more like myself in clothes that were designed for a man. I mean I have no desire to change my body, I like it as it is. I just, I don't feel right in the clothes that were made for this body anymore, presenting how society thinks I should just because I have this body. I don't want people looking at me and seeing a woman first. I mean, I guess you could say I feel more masculine and I'm more comfortable presenting this way, but there are other things…womanly things…that I enjoy too." The older woman nodded and asked, "So, if you had to put a label on yourself, what would that label be?" Callie shrugged; she wasn't exactly sure where she fit. Seeing her dilemma, Stella explained, "Sometimes, when we hear the word non-binary, we think of it as neither male nor female, when in actuality, it's more like a spectrum. Being non-binary doesn't mean you are denouncing one gender and claiming another, nor is it a different gender altogether. There's no third option."
Callie looked at her skeptically and she could see she wasn't making herself clear. Finally she said, "Okay, you are bi-sexual correct?" Callie nodded and the therapist continued, "That means you enjoy having relations with both men and women. There was a point in your life where you leaned more toward men than women, but now, you are in a relationship with a woman. When you were with men, it didn't mean you were heterosexual and still didn't find women attractive and being with a woman didn't mean you were strictly a lesbian, correct?" Callie nodded in agreement, feeling like she was starting to understand. Looking down at her hands she clarified, "So, being non-binary, it means I am exhibiting some qualities of a man, and some qualities of a woman while not really identifying as either?" Dr. Griffin nodded and explained, "While one refers strictly to gender presentation and the other describes sexual preference, the idea is the same. Tell me what's concerning you most."
Callie could feel her cheeks heating up, normally she didn't mind talking about sex, but this was her therapist. She had talked to her about it before, but not quite like this. Taking a deep breath she admitted, "I don't…I really enjoy my body…being a woman…when it comes to sex. I like how…umm…how I respond to Arizona, how she touches me and looks at me. I don't mind her seeing me as a woman, treating me as a woman. But I also enjoy…umm toys, using them and having them used on me. I even…the other night we went out and I wore a um…a soft packer…a fake penis and it made me feel…stronger…more confident…sexier, and Arizona's reaction…oh my God." "Ohhhh Kaaay" the older woman cut in, blushing slightly herself, then continued, "I get the point. At any time, did you think, 'I feel like a man' or 'I wish this was real'?" Callie pursed her lips and furrowed her brow and quickly responded, "Uh no." The older woman nodded and asked, "And before all this…in your previous time together, did you enjoy using toys?" Callie smirked and responded, "Oh yeah." Dr. Griffin chuckled and explained, "That is all your sexuality. How you respond to your lover and how she responds to you. How you enjoy each other's bodies is not a reflection of your gender identity, which is how you choose to allow the general public to see you. People make assumptions about women and men, preconceived notions that often have nothing to do with the individual. In changing your wardrobe, your physical attributes, you are stepping out of that societal norm and forcing people to see you as you see yourself." Callie nodded in understanding, that was exactly what was happening.
Thinking about her other friends she offered, "Some of my friends, they have changed their pronouns, their names are more gender neutral, many people have even taken to calling me Cal, I mean that's how I introduced myself, but I didn't even think about it, sometimes I feel like Cal rather than Callie. But…I don't know how important all of that is to me right now. I am okay with she/her and I like it when Arizona calls me her girlfriend or uses my full name and when Sofia calls me mama…I just…do I have to change all that?" The therapist smiled and said, "That's all part of the spectrum, it sounds like you are leaning more toward non-binary woman, you feel how you feel, present more masculine of center, but you are also comfortable being seen as feminine in some respects, it sounds like it's in the more personal realm, with your family though and that's perfectly normal too. There are plenty of people who keep their pronouns or use both she/her and they/them. There are also women who lean further toward the male end of the spectrum and don't enjoy or acknowledge their femininity at all. They don't allow their mate to touch their natural bodies, they bind their chest or use a prosthetic penis. The same goes for some men who are non-binary and lean more toward the female end of the spectrum, they wear padded bras and tuck or bind their penis. There are also the more gender fluid who may present as male one day and wake up the next and feel like wearing a dress. I can't say for certain, but it sounds like some of your friends may prefer the more neutral titles and are more male presenting. It's your preference Callie. It is how you feel, who you see when you look in the mirror. It may change, it may stay the same. But it sounds like you have a good grasp on what is going on and as long as you and Arizona keep an open line of communication about it, I think you will be just fine."
Tilting her head, the therapist asked, "So, how much of this plays into your concerns about your mother returning to your life?" Callie let out a whoosh of air and leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees while brushing her hands through her shortened tuft of hair. Looking up into knowing green eyes she admitted, "Quite a bit actually. I mean, she walked away because I was bi-sexual and had a baby out of wedlock. She comes back to…this." She said and waved her hands up and down her body. The therapist nodded and replied, "It's understandable that you are concerned about that, but the most important thing you have to remember is to continue to be true to yourself. Your mother is going to accept you or she isn't, you already know that. She may not understand it all. But it sounds like she has finally reached a point where she would far rather have you in her life than not. Seeing the three of you really opened her eyes to the fact that she has missed out on so much of her daughter's life, I don't think she would be so quick to walk away this time." Callie smiled, nodded, and said, "Let's just hope you are right about that. Thanks Dr. G."
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Arizona flipped the last pancake on the platter and smiled as one strong tan arm snaked around her waist, resting on her abdomen, and the other reached over and stole a piece of fruit from the bowl in front of her. Callie popped the raspberry in her mouth and hummed in delight then asked, "Is breakfast ready? I'm starving." Arizona turned in her arms and asked, "Worked up an appetite in the shower did you?" Callie wiggled her eyebrows and replied, "That or the unexpected wake-up call I received this morning." Arizona leaned in and kissed fruit stained red lips and defended, "What was I supposed to do? You were squirming around and moaning my name." Callie pinched Arizona's hip and laughed, "I was not!" Arizona smirked and replied, "You were by the time I finished." Callie threw back her head and laughed then picked up the plates of food and took them to the table. After her session with Dr. G yesterday and her conversation with Arizona last night, she was feeling much lighter and almost looked forward to dinner with her mother.
Refilling both cups of coffee, the blonde looked down the hall to see if Sofia was coming then asked, "So you really think we shouldn't say anything about where your mom has been?" Callie stole another piece of fruit and said, "I mean, we could tell her she's been in prison and just got out. That could explain her absence." Arizona snorted and replied, "I'm being serious, besides, knowing Sofia, she would ask to see her prison tattoos." Callie chuckled and said, "I don't know the right answer here. We both agree she doesn't need to know the truth. She will learn about hate and prejudice soon enough and I don't want her first experience to be with my own mother." Arizona took a sip of her coffee and nodded. She didn't really know the right answer either, she just knew neither of them wanted their daughter to get hurt nor feel like any of this was her fault. Taking Callie's hand in hers, she agreed, "Okay, you're right. We definitely don't want her to know the truth, not yet. So, we tell her we are having company for dinner. Do we tell her who it is? Will it upset her day?" Callie took a drink of the warm liquid and replied, "I didn't think about that. Maybe we tell her when we pick her up from camp?" Arizona nodded in agreement and answered, "I think that's probably best." Callie started fixing her plate and said, "It's settled then."
Sofia walked into the dining room just in time to hear Callie's last comment and asked, "What's settled?" Both women looked at one another in surprise and Arizona quickly recovered, "Mama and I are both leaving work early today to pick you up from camp so we can go shopping for Taco Tuesday." Sofia did her little happy dance behind her chair and exclaimed, "Yes! I love Taco Tuesdays. Do I get to pick the fillings again?" Both women groaned, shared a look, then Callie suggested, "How about you pick the dessert this time and we experiment again next week?" Sofia started to pout then her eyes lit up and she asked, "Can we have dessert tacos?" Arizona groaned, "We've created a monster." Callie just laughed, handed her daughter a napkin and responded, "Eat your breakfast taco monster, we need to get a move on. Mommy even made you some chocolate chip pancakes." Sofia plopped down in her seat and eyed her pancake carefully, determined to come up with a dessert that can be made into a taco.
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"I don't understand why we bought all this extra stuff if it's Taco Tuesday." Sofia complained as she put the ice cream in the freezer, at least she got to pick dessert. She watched as her mama stopped unpacking the bag she was working on and looked over to her mommy. She rolled her eyes realizing they were having another silent conversation, which meant she probably wasn't going to like what she was about to hear. This time it was mommy who nodded and mama walked over and pulled out a chair at the dining room table and sat down. Callie held her arms out and requested, "Sof, come here sweetheart." Sofia went to her mama and watched as she bit her bottom lip like she always did when she was nervous. The little girl lifted her hand to rub at the soft hairs on the side of her mama's head, it seemed to calm her down when mommy did it and she smiled when she realized it was working. Callie leaned into her daughter's touch, ran her hand down her little arm until she was holding her hand and asked, "Sof, you know how I told you my mom and I aren't close and that's why you've never met her?" Sofia furrowed her little brow and squinted at her mama then nodded slowly.
Callie took a deep breath and asked, "Do you remember that lady you helped at the hotel the other night?" Sofia nodded again then her eyes grew wider as she started to figure it out. "Was that your mom? Is that why you and mommy were upset?" Arizona walked behind Callie and placed her hands on her shoulders for moral support and Callie responded, "Yes, she's my mom and we haven't seen her since…for a long time, and she…" She looked back to Arizona who nodded and winked at her then back to her daughter and finished, "She wants to be a part of our lives again and we…I invited her to come over for Taco Tuesday. So, umm, it won't just be the three of us tonight." Sofia nodded, looked at both mothers then back to Callie and asked, "Are you nervous?" Callie pulled Sofia into a hug and gushed, "Oh my sweet sweet girl. I'm more concerned about how you feel about that." Sofia pulled back and shrugged, "I don't know how I feel. I don't know her. Part of me wants to be mad because I have an abuela and she didn't even know who I was and she didn't know mommy either and she hasn't been a mommy to you."
Both women's heart broke for their little girl and in that moment, they wondered if they had done the right thing by not giving Sofia more warning or by inviting Lucia to dinner so soon. Finally Arizona ran her hand through soft brown curls and responded, "It's perfectly okay to feel that way. Mama and I have feelings about that too. But what's important is that Lucia, mama's mom, doesn't want to let any more time pass without knowing us. You know mama and I would never bring anyone into your life if we thought you would get hurt, right?" Sofia nodded and replied, "I know that. I know I'm most important to both of you." Callie pulled her daughter into her lap then reached behind her for Arizona to join their little group hug and assured, "You are absolutely the most important person in our lives and you always will be, no matter what." Sofia hugged and kissed both moms then asked, "When will she be here?" Callie looked at the clock and said, "In just over an hour and she's going to make her famous enchiladas, which is one of my favorites, and the reason we bought the extra stuff, so we had better get to work on the tortillas. What do you say?" Sofia jumped from her mama's lap and ran to the counter to unpack the bags saying, "Let's go, what are you waiting for?" Callie stood up and immediately wrapped her arm around Arizona's back, pulled her closer and kissed her on her temple as she whispered, "Thank you. I love you." Arizona looked up, smiled her super-magic smile and responded, "I love you too and I've got your back." Callie snickered and whispered, "Only because you like the view." Arizona swatted her backside and teased, "Well, there's that too."
Having formed an assembly line, all three girls shook their hips in time to the music playing in the background. Arizona broke off a small ball of mesa dough and handed it to Sofia who carefully, but expertly, placed it in the tortilla press and pushed all her weight down on it, opened it, turned it, and repeated the process until the dough was a perfect flat circle. The little girl smiled as she opened the press and handed another flawlessly formed tortilla to her mama who placed it on the comal to heat it up. She watched as the edges turned a golden brown and said, "It's time to flip mama." Callie looked down at the golden tortilla and smirked as she realized her daughter was right. Looking over to Arizona, she got the nod, and passed the spatula to the little girl and commanded, "Well then flip it." Sofia's eyes lit up and she bounced on her toes as she asked, "Really?" Callie nodded and replied, "Come on before it burns." Sofia slid her step stool over with her foot, climbed up quickly, took the spatula, poked her little tongue between her lips, slipped the spatula under the golden flat bread and flipped her wrist like she had seen her mama do, and watched as the dough landed perfectly flat and instantly started to puff up. Callie smiled and complained, "Looks like I'm out of a job mommy." Sofia eyed the tortilla, scooped it up again and placed it in the waiting container with the others. Stepping away from the heated pan, she jumped in the air and squealed, "I did it! Can I do another?" Callie looked to Arizona who was holding up a small lump of dough showing there were only a few more to make and replied, "Okay, but I'm going to stick close by." Sofia nodded and confidently replied, "Yeah in case mommy needs help with the press." Both women chuckled and continued with their task until all the tortillas were finished.
After cleaning up their mess from the tortillas, Sofia got to work setting the table, Callie started the ground beef, and Arizona was chopping vegetables. As time ticked away, Callie's nerves were palpable and Arizona couldn't decide if her girlfriend was more worried that her mother wouldn't show up or that she would. At 6:30 on the dot, the doorbell rang and all three occupants of the kitchen stopped in their tracks. Sofia looked to her mothers and whispered, "She's here." Callie nodded, turned down the stove, but made no move toward the door. Arizona wiped her hands, took Callie by the shoulders and turned her to look her in the eye and said, "I'm here, what you can't do, I will. That's how this thing works." Callie nodded, breathed a sigh of relief, gave Arizona a quick peck on the lips then said slyly, "Good, you answer the door." Arizona chuckled, shook her head, then went to greet their guest.
Putting her best smile on her face, she opened the door to see the same nervous eyes and ringing hands that greeted her two short days ago, indicating just how anxious the other woman was. Her smile more genuine now, she reached out much like she would with her own daughter or girlfriend and took the frail hands in her own and soothed, "It's going to be fine. The hardest part is out of the way, now we just…we move forward." Lucia smiled at the beautiful woman and her calming presence, almost mesmerized by her sparkling blue eyes and immediately relaxed. She was starting to understand her charm. Bending down to grab her bags, she explained, "I wasn't sure what to bring, Callio…Callie asked for my enchiladas and…" Arizona took the bags and assured, "We went shopping and bought nearly everything, but she did mention you have some secret ingredients you've never shared, so I'm sure what you brought will be put to good use." Lucia nodded then heard laughing coming from another room and the little giggle made her smile, then she nervously asked, "Sofia, does she…" She wasn't quite sure how to finish that sentence. Arizona took a deep breath and explained, "She knows who you are and only that you and Calliope haven't been close. We didn't feel the need to tell her anything else." The older woman nodded and murmured, "Yes, I'm sure the truth would be very hurtful for her as it is for both of you." Arizona blinked; she certainly didn't expect that response. Rather than answer she stepped forward and said, "Well come on then, we have a lot of cooking to finish up. Calliope, your mom's here."
Callie froze momentarily when she heard Arizona's announcement then instantly relaxed when she saw her girlfriend and her mother enter the room, both with genuine smiles on their faces. Not sure exactly what she should do in that moment, she went with what she wanted to do, rounded the island and pulled her mother into a tight hug, grateful when it was returned and said, "Mami, I'm so glad you made it." Lucia breathed a sigh of relief at the warm welcome and relished the feeling of her daughter in her arms again. When they released one another, Callie kept her arm around her mother and turned to find her daughter plastered to Arizona's leg and encouraged, "Sof, come here sweetie, there's someone I'd like you to meet." Sofia looked up at Arizona who smiled and nodded at her, then to Callie who also smiled softly at her. She knew then that her parents understood she was feeling nervous and slowly made her way to her mama and the strange lady she supposed was her abuela.
Stopping a few steps away, she held out her hand and introduced, "Hello, my name is Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres." The older lady got on her knees so they were eye to eye, smiled at her, a smile that looked like hers and her mama's, held out her hand and greeted, "Hello Sofia, my name is Lucia Torres." Sofia tilted her head and asked, "What am I supposed to call you?" At the older woman's confused expression, she looked up to her moms who seemed equally perplexed and explained, "Mommy's mom is my grandma, you are mama's mom, so that makes you my abuela, but…" Lucia felt the stab to her heart again, but this time it was breaking for the little girl, pursing her lips she finished sadly, "But that is a title you earn and I have not earned that title have I?" Sofia shook her head then put her chin down to her chest, worried that she was going to be scolded by at least one of the adults in the room, but she needed to say what she felt. Arizona started to step forward, but Callie wrapped her arm around her waist and held her back. When blue eyes locked on brown, Callie just nodded her head in their daughter's direction indicating they should let them work it out for themselves.
Realizing she wasn't being corrected, Sofia looked up at the older woman, she could see some of her mama and herself in her face. They had the same eyes and the same smile. Finally figuring out what she needed to say, she put her hands on her hips tilted her head and stated emphatically, "I look like my mama and she looks like you, but…you saw me at the hotel and you didn't even know me. You're supposed to be my abuela and you didn't know me. Grandmas know their grandchildren when they see them, grandmas bring presents and read stories, grandmas call and visit, grandmas kiss boo-boos and worry when you're sick. Kids need their grandmas and their abuelas." "Sofia!" Callie started to scold, but her mother shook her head and kept her eyes on the miniature version of her daughter who stood in the exact pose as her blonde mother did just a few days before and spoke with the same passion and fire as both parents. Arizona stood next to Callie, both staring at their daughter with tears in their eyes, unsure whether they should be mortified or proud.
Lucia looked at the beautiful little girl, understanding for the first time what damage her behaviors have caused, nodded, and offered, "Go ahead, I'm listening." Sofia looked up at her mothers knowing she would probably be in trouble later and continued, "Mama tells me all kinds of stories about her abuela and their happy memories. I have an abuelo and a grandma and a grandpa, and I have all kinds of memories with them, but I don't have any with you. And…and even adults need their moms and you didn't even know my mommy, and you never call mama. My grandma calls them both and checks on them every week, even when they were divorced and living in different places, grandma still loved us all the same. I don't know where you were or why you and mama weren't close, but I know she needed you sometimes. When I lived here with mama, I still needed mommy and she talked to me every day and when I was in Seattle and missed mama, mommy moved out here for me so we could all be happy. Mama said mommies make sacrifices for their kids and love them no matter what. My mommies say I am the most important person in their lives and they would never let anyone in my life who would hurt me, but…but sometimes people in their lives hurt them and no one protects them, so I need you to promise me you won't hurt them because they are the most important people to me and they don't need any more hurt. So…so you can be my abuela, but you have to promise to be a mommy too." Lucia could feel the hot tears running down her cheeks. She had been in many a courtroom but would swear on her life she never came across an adversary as formidable as Miss Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres.
Callie and Arizona stood near the center island with their arms around one another, tears in their eyes and pride in their hearts as they watched their 8 year old defend her family with such ferocity. Neither of them knew if it was the right thing to do, to just allow her to pour out her feelings, but they both knew what could happen if you didn't, their tumultuous past was proof of that. Callie kissed Arizona on the side of her head and whispered in her ear, "Is it bad that I am prouder of her now than I have ever been?" Arizona leaned in and responded quietly, "If it is, I am right there with you." Callie chuckled then asked, "Should we intervene?" Arizona shook her head and replied, "They've gotten this far on their own. Let's see where it goes." Callie nodded and watched as her mother stood to her feet and took a seat in the closest chair and reached out for Sofia's hand.
Sofia slowly reached out and took the other woman's hand and allowed her to take her other one as well then looked into tear filled brown eyes. She was starting to feel bad for what she said and just as she opened her mouth to apologize, the older woman began, "I've made many mistakes in my life Sofia. I've made some very poor decisions. Sometimes, when we make those decisions, we only think about how they will affect us and how they make us feel. We never realize, never get a chance to see how other people and their lives are impacted by those choices. A long time ago, I made a choice and at that time, I thought it was the right one for me. In making that choice, I neglected to see how your mama, your mommy, and you might be hurt." She looked up at the two other women to make sure they were listening as well, then continued, "Over the years, I changed my mind about my decisions and I wanted to fix my relationship with all of you, I just…I never knew the right time, I never found the courage. Sometimes admitting you were wrong is the hardest thing to do. But when I saw you at the hotel with your mommy and mama, it broke my heart that my family was standing right in front of me and I didn't even know you. At that time, I was still only thinking about how I was feeling. It wasn't until I talked to your parents the other day and you told me how you felt today that I realized how much my decisions hurt you all and how badly mistaken I was and how truly important knowing my family is to me. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness and I know you have another grandmother who loves you very much. I am truly sorry for not being in your life and I can't get those years back, but if you will have me, all of you, I promise I will do my very best to earn the title of mami and abuela and I never want to hurt any of you again."
Sofia looked at the older woman then up to her mothers and realized they were all waiting for her to make this decision. She trusted that her moms would never let anyone hurt her and she had to trust that this woman meant what she said as well. But she had to make certain, "You will visit and call?" The older woman smiled and answered, "I will call every week with Abuelo and I will visit every time I am in New York." Sofia smiled and said, "Mama's abuela taught her how to cook, can you cook with me? I already know how, but I can't make enchiladas yet." The older woman laughed and replied, "I will even tell you my secret ingredient." Hearing this, Callie called out, "Hey! I don't even know the secret ingredient." Sofia snickered and said, "It's okay mama, next time we make enchiladas, I will add it in." All three women laughed effectively breaking the tension and Sofia held out her arms and asked, "Can I have a hug Abuela?" Lucia felt tears stinging her eyes again and responded, "Of course mi linda nieta." She then took the little girl in her arms and squeezed with all her might.
As the four sat around the dinner table, Sofia regaled her new grandmother with nearly every story about her life she could think of. When she finally took a breath, she asked, "What was mama like as a kid?" Callie groaned and Arizona perked up with interest and waited for Lucia to speak. Taking a moment to think about her daughter's youth, she smiled and said, "She was the perfect baby and toddler, she's always been a daddy's girl. Everything Carlos did, Calliope had to do as well. I remember one morning; she was about six years old and hadn't come down for breakfast yet." Callie groaned and buried her face in her hands. Lucia winked at Arizona and continued, "After calling her several times, she finally came down with tears in her big brown eyes and little blobs of toilet tissue stuck all over her face. She had decided to try to shave like papi and cut her perfect little face to shreds. She had also seen him dab tissue on his face to stop the bleeding, so instead of asking for help, she decided to do the same." Looking at her daughter, she eyed her face and explained, "If you look really close, you can still see a little scar right there." She pointed to her chin where there was indeed a faint white line. Arizona gasped and exclaimed, "You said you hit yourself with a jump rope!" Lucia laughed and said, "Oh, she did that too! The handle slipped right out of her hand but that only gave her a fat lip." Arizona howled with laughter and Callie groused, "Okay, it's not that funny." Arizona caressed her face and responded, "You're right, it's not, this face is perfect, but I can just see little Calliope with toilet paper all over her face." Callie scowled and warned, "Keep it up and you'll have rice and beans all over yours." Arizona's eyes got wide and she made the motion as if she were zipping her lip then focused on her food once again.
Dinner continued with everyone sharing stories, Lucia asking about Arizona's and Callie's centers and Sofia's schooling and camp, and the three of them asking about her life as well. The older woman couldn't help but notice how the two younger women seemed to work so well together and compliment one another. One would start a story and the other would finish or jump in with a forgotten detail, when one reached for something the other was already handing it over and they were the same way with their daughter, both well aware of her needs at all times. She couldn't help but smile when she saw Callie reach over and wipe something from Arizona's face or when they would just look at one another and smile sharing their own intimate moment. She also didn't fail to notice that more often than not, they were holding hands or brushing up against one another. She knew at one time that would have bothered her, it did bother her, which was the reason for their long separation, but now, now it warmed her heart to see that her daughter had found the love she had always longed for. She knew they weren't doing any of this to rub in her face, that it was just natural to them and she also noticed how happy it made Sofia to see her mothers interact. Pushing back the guilt she felt for allowing her religious beliefs, her judgement to get in the way, she cleared her throat and declared, "I know Miss Sofia was in charge of dessert, but I brought something along that I thought we could make together." Two sets of brown eyes lit up with excitement, one just at hearing the word dessert and the other because she was almost certain it was her favorite childhood treat. Lucia clapped her hands together and asked, "What do you say Miss Sofia, are you ready to learn to make one more dish?" Sofia clapped her hands and bounced excitedly in her chair and let out a loud, "Yes please."
While Arizona and Callie cleaned up the dinner table and loaded the dishwasher, Sofia and Lucia got to work making dessert. Arizona leaned over to Callie and asked, "What are they making?" Callie shrugged and said, "I was hoping it was mami's churros, but it sounds like they are putting a twist on it." Arizona looked around and saw that everything was cleaned up and the two others were busy for the moment and suggested, "How about we go sit outside and let them figure it out?" Callie looked back at her mother and daughter who seemed to be doing fine without them, took Arizona's hand and called out, "We are going to sit on the patio for a few, we'll leave the door open in case you need us." Lucia looked up, smiled and nodded, then returned to giving the little girl directions.
Once they got outside, they took their usual seats on the rattan sofa, Callie let out a relieved breath and wrapped her arm around Arizona's shoulder. The blonde eyed her girlfriend, snuggled closer, and asked, "How are you feeling?" Callie rested her cheek on the top of Arizona's head and answered, "Pretty good actually. I think…I feel like she's really trying, like she really wants us in her life. What she said to Sofia, how she handled that whole situation, it made me realize she really is remorseful. It also made me see Dr. G was right." Arizona lifted her head back so she could see Callie's face and asked, "Right about what?" Callie sighed and said, "I told her what mom said about not knowing if she would have ever had the courage to talk to me really hurt and she reminded me all the lengths I went to for you but never told you of my intentions. She asked if you hadn't moved here, when would I have spoken up and it just…it made me think. She said you could have been mad that I never said anything but instead you focused on my actions and what they meant, and now look at us. She said pretty much the same thing you did, things happened when they happened, not to question it, just to go with it." Arizona smiled and said, "Well, it's good to know I have a back up as a therapist if this fetal gig doesn't work out." Callie laughed, kissed her softly and said, "I love you, thanks for supporting me in this." Arizona sat up and answered seriously, "Calliope, I have seen what this has done to you for nearly ten years now. I may have doubts or concerns, but I will never keep you from your family." Callie brushed their lips together and responded, "You are my family, but thank you for saying that." Arizona smiled and rested her head back against Callie's shoulder, both of them enjoying the time together and the laughter emanating from the kitchen.
Lucia poked her head out the door and called, "Girls, dessert is ready." Both women walked into the kitchen to see Sofia with cinnamon and sugar dotting her smiling face as she held up a tray and proclaimed, "DESSERT TACOS!" Both women laughed and shook their heads at their daughter's determination. Lucia blushed slightly and said, "I had intended on making churros, which is Calliope's favorite, and I managed a few, but Sofia told me of her idea about dessert tacos, so…we have churro shells, vanilla ice cream and fruit filling." Arizona smiled brightly and exclaimed, "Those look so yummy and beautiful, I almost don't want to eat it." Lucia took out her phone and said, "It's okay, we took pictures. Sofia said abuelas and nietas need pictures, so we have plenty." Callie smiled at her mother, seeing the true joy of finally having the grandchild she always wanted and felt her heart heal just a little bit more. Taking one of the tasty concoctions off the plate, she bit into it and moaned in satisfaction. Following her lead, Arizona bit into hers and groaned in delight. After swallowing their first bites, both women gushed, "Oh my, this is amazing!" "This beats churros any day." Lucia and Sofia looked at one another and gave each other a high five. Not able to wait any longer, Sofia dug into hers as well.
After convincing her abuela to read her a story and tuck her in, Sofia kissed her on her cheek and said, "Thank you for coming to dinner. You'll call on Sunday right?" Lucia smiled down at the little girl who reminded her so much of her daughter, crossed her heart with her finger and promised, "Cross my heart, I will call on Sunday." Both women stood at the door with tears threatening to fall once again. As the three women walked out of the bedroom and down the hall, Lucia gathered her bag from the kitchen, reached in and said, "Arizona, I'm sure your mother has shared all kinds of embarrassing pictures and stories with Calliope and well…I had this sent overnight for you." Arizona looked at the older woman with a furrowed brow and watched as she pulled out an old photo album and smiled as she saw 'Calliope' written across the front. Handing it over, Lucia explained, "Maybe next time I am in town, we can go through it together." Arizona took the proffered book, smiled, and responded, "I'd really like that. Thank you, and thank you for coming to dinner, I'm sorr…" The older Latina cut her off, "Do not apologize for that sweet little girl. She is entitled to her feelings and this must have been very confusing and upsetting for her. It was honestly what I needed to hear and spoke volumes about the type of parents you are. Not every child will defend their parents so fiercely. She is lovely and such a joy. It's also very clear where she gets her gift of profound speeches." Arizona smiled, not knowing what else to say, then pulled the older woman into a hug.
Callie watched the interaction between her mother and Arizona and felt another weight lift from her shoulders. Though she wasn't thrilled about the photo album now being in the hands of her girlfriend, she knew it was her mother's way of accepting Arizona into the family. She put her arm around her mom as she walked her to the door and asked, "When do you go back to Miami?" Lucia saw the sadness in her daughter's eyes, the insecurity, caressed her cheek and responded, "My conference is tomorrow until 2:00 pm, but the plane isn't scheduled to take off until 6:00 pm. Will you be free for coffee sometime in the afternoon?" Callie smiled, hugged her mother tightly and responded, "I'll make time. I'll check my schedule when I get into work tomorrow and text you." Lucia smiled at her daughter, sad to have to leave her so soon and suggested, "I know your father is planning to visit shortly after he returns, would it…I'd like to come with him." Both Callie and Arizona nodded and before Callie could speak, Arizona offered, "We'd love to have you." Then, surprising both women and maybe even herself, just a little, she handed Lucia her phone and asked, "Would you…um…would you mind putting your number in?" The older woman smiled gratefully, took the device, put her own number in, then hit the call button and heard her own phone start ringing and explained, "There, now I have yours too. Goodbye girls, thank you for an enjoyable evening." Callie opened the door, watched her mother drive away much like she did two nights ago, but this time as she shut the door, she was smiling brightly.
A/N: Thank you all for your amazing love. I hadn't planned on making you wait so long, but this turned out to be one of the longest chapters I've written and I just couldn't bring myself to split it up. I hope I did this reunion justice. It was hard putting a different spin on it than what was already out there.
The juices are flowing again so I'm hoping to be updating again soon. Also, thanks again to Mondlerfankay who suggested using Callie herself to explain her identity and the non-binary spectrum and to those of you who asked for Sofia to defend her parents.
Nobody who called today called me Shonda, so I'm assuming these characters still aren't mine. Fingers crossed for tomorrow.