DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own. PLEASE REVIEW! I will take advice and suggestions from my readers while continuing the story.

Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis

Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Sandaime Hokage of Konohakature, was no idiot. His tallest, loudest, hugely perverted student, though? That was a different matter entirely. Cretinism: thy name is Jiraiya.

Could he believe that this little blonde girl was Jiraiya's child? Sure, why not: she was probably the first of what could eventually be dozens if his student didn't take precautions! On the other hand, did he believe that Tsunade was the girl's mother? You WISH, Jiraiya-kun. The girl did have some features that were a bit like Tsunade in her younger days, but what really told him all he needed to know about that nearly-impossible idea was when the girl started choking when Jiraiya proudly told him that she was his and Tsunade's.

In fact, throughout the Toad Sage's explanation of how he came to find and later "bring home his daughter," the little blonde would make obvious expressions of disbelief and even embarrassment. Now, she was again outright laughing at his boisterous student's crazy explanation. Jiraiya bonked the girl lightly on her head again, called her a brat, and told her to shut up. There's one thing that's clear, however: the two are attached to one another…

"Dude! I mean, Dad, you are over the top on this, ne?"

Jiraiya's face turned red in both aggravation and embarrassment. "Shut it, you - you brat! Here: I've got proof!" Jiraiya reached into his haori and pulled out a journal. Seeing the smirk on his sensei's face as he continued to read, he worried that maybe this wasn't the way to go about this, but it did at least legitimately link him to his goddaughter - no, his DAUGHTER now.

"This really proves nothing, Jiraiya-kun," Hiruzen looked at the goof in front of him in frustration. He had hoped he'd present a birth certificate or something concrete, but this was just a story… "And the Naruto in this story is male! Is your name really even Naruto, child?" Oh! Judging from the look of outrage on the girl's face as she quickly nodded, he realized he'd hit a nerve. Hmmm… It seemed that at least Jiraiya wasn't lying about the girl's odd name.

"I named her after Nagato, my former student in Ame: but I had to change it up since she's a girl, ne? And that reminds me, sensei: I've uncovered information that my former students are alive, and I'll be traveling back to Ame to see them. Permission to bring them here?" Jiraiya near-pleaded.

"Denied," Hiruzen stated as Jiraiya AND his supposed-daughter began sputtering, along with the girl cursing up a storm. She was more like Tsunade-chan in that way, although Tsunade's course language began when she was a teenager. "Jiraiya-kun, at least scold Naruto-chan for her language!"

Jiraiya looked back at the girl in confusion. "What did you say?" The girl shrugged her shoulders and looked like she really didn't know that her cursing was inappropriate.

Kami-sama: this man has no business raising a child, the Sandaime thought. As if reading his mind, Jiraiya made all-too-loud arguments in his favor.

"Look, I did a good job helping raise my Ame brats: ask Hime! Or even Rochi-kun - although he wanted to kill them," Jiraiya mumbled the last part.

Hiruzen noted that the girl began grumbling and made a furious little face at the mention of his most prodigious student: it was rather adorable, although he didn't understand what Jiraiya could have told her about his teammate to make her so angry. Was the student in front of him still jealous of his treatment of Orochimaru? Surely not! Both boys had grown into men of immense talent and power! "Jiraiya-kun: you know that I am immensely proud of you, too, don't you?" Apparently, he didn't, if the shock on Jiraiya's face meant anything.

Jiraiya quickly looked away before clearing his throat. "Thank you, sensei," he said, avoiding his sensei's worried gaze. "You see, that's just it!" He hoisted the little blonde who now looked so troubled into his arms. "See, I've barely had any time with my little one here. I need her to know how proud I am of her, and to teach her more!" The girl's eyes became teary, and she hid her face in Jiraiya's shoulder, as she hugged him tightly.

Hiruzen was moved. They really did seem to have a relationship like father and daughter, but he needed the facts. He knew Jiraiya well, and his student's first explanations to him were usually crap, although there would always be a hidden or at least partially-true message within them. He really does have the traits to be a wonderful spy: the coded-language, his "contacts" throughout the Elemental Nations, his summons' abilities… "Alright, Jiraiya-kun, but I need the truth here. I need to know where you've hidden her all this time, who her mother is…"

Jiraiya nearly snarled. The girl was wide-eyed and looked worried until Jiraiya tapped her nose, making her big blue-eyes cross. "Alright, girly: I want you to sit outside while I tell sensei about Uzushiokature." He ignored the startled look on her little face and carried her out of his office, placing her on a bench. "Stay here, Naru-chan." Closing the door behind him, he gave a profoundly serious look at his leader and began to weave his tale.

Hiruzen repeatedly had to shut his open mouth. Dear Gods, no wonder his student didn't want to tell him the truth! Unknowingly having an affair with what turned out to be Minato-kun's mother? Minato was Jiraiya's student: a supposed orphan! And learning that Jiraiya was part Uzumaki, just as Minato-kun's mother was? He wouldn't have believed it for a second, but the story was so detailed - with Jiraiya never wavering, Hiruzen thought as he mulled over everything. Plus, Jiraiya has always had very large chakra reserves. Even though neither Jiraiya nor his daughter had the traditional Uzumaki red-hair, Tsunade didn't either, and she was at least a quarter Uzumaki. And the little blonde's round face and big eyes do remind me a bit of Kushina-chan, although she looks so much more like Minato… If the young "Flash" had been a little older, he'd probably have paternity rumors to deal with! "What a mess," Hiruzen concluded.

"Hai, sensei: but look what came out of it! I've got a beautiful little girl - and she'll be great! I just know it," he said happily. "No exes to deal with," seeing the sour expression appear on his leader's face at that, he rechose his words. "I mean since poor Mina-chan passed," he said, making up a name for Minato's mother, "I can be 100% responsible for her…" Jiraiya stopped cold, his face paling, before groaning out the word "responsible," again and fell into the couch, rubbing his head. Hiruzen laughed at the sad man.

"Now THAT is what I would've expected from a relatively new parent or one new to such responsibilities!" He relit his pipe. "Particularly, you, Jiraiya-kun! You nearly had me worried whether or not all this was true, with that - cool demeanor you showed before." Hiruzen chuckled again, making Jiraiya pout. "It takes a lot to parent a child, particularly by yourself, my boy." He pulled out sake - the good stuff - and poured two cups.

Now I've got him, Jiraiya thought as his sensei began to wax nostalgically of his own family: a family Jiraiya cared about greatly and wanted to ensure would survive. "Hai, sensei. I've been thinking about it, and would like Sakumo to join up with the team." Seeing Hiruzen frown, he continued. "Or I could take a spot with his?"

"They're primarily trackers, Jiraiya: you know that!"

"The toads and I track, too! Look sensei, I could use his advice. He's got a brat of his own: a little weirdo, but still. Oh, gods: don't tell Saku-kun I said that out loud!" Hiruzen nodded in agreement: Sakumo's son was a prodigy, but he didn't understand why the little boy held so firmly to his mask. He understood that he wore it initially because of an overwhelming sense of smell thanks to his Hatake heritage, but Sakumo had given up his own mask by the time he was 3 or 4, at the oldest. He knew the man still kept one on him at all times, in case of overpowering odors, but he also knew that Sakumo was repeatedly trying to get little Kakashi-chan to lose it and was getting nowhere with his stubborn son. "You know I can track with my toads, and I want to improve! And Naru-chan has an oddly good sense of smell, too."

"Speaking of, will you tell Minato-kun?"

Jiraiya slouched bonelessly into his seat and rubbed his eyes. "I don't want to, but she looks so much like him… How will he take such a thing? ...That I didn't tell him for so long? I didn't even realize she was related to him until Naru-chan got older! By that time, Mina-chan was gone," he lied.

"The NAME didn't give it away?" Hiruzen asked, blowing out smoke from his pipe. He saw Jiraiya's confused expression and rolled his eyes. "Mina-chan… MINA-to?" Jiraiya's eyebrows lifted high in surprise.

Holy shit! I hadn't even thought of that when I made her up: I'm awesome! "Come on, sensei! Do you really think I'd be thinking about my student when I'm porking a broad?"

"Jiraiya-kun!" The Hokage quickly scolded, now on his feet. He tsked at the man before slapping his student's big white head. "No wonder your daughter talks like a delinquent! Think, boy: you're talking about your child's mother!" He shook his head at his now pouting, perverted student. And here I thought he'd grown up. Sitting back down in his chair, he shot back another cup of sake. "You have a child to raise, Jiraiya-kun. A female, no less! You'll have to make a powerful, but proper lady out of her," Hiruzen ignored his student's scoff at the idea and knocked on his desk to properly get his attention. "Considering your increasing fame along with her Uzumaki heritage, people will be interested in her for various reasons." The Hokage's mind went to his other male student, and he swallowed a lump that for some odd reason arose in his throat. "You'll also have to discipline her so that she knows right from wrong…"

"She knows that," Jiraiya retorted heatedly.

"You said that she's been alone a long time, Jiraiya-kun," Hiruzen took a large drag from his pipe.

She saved the village as many times as you have, old man! Jiraiya knew he couldn't say it, but he wanted to. The only thing he really had to work on the girl with, regarding knowing right from wrong, was her Uchiha-hatred and her obsession with killing his teammate. It was understandable, considering her history, but still... Yeah, that's not good. Oh, and Danzo. Although he could get behind Naru on cutting the Warhawk into pieces, it probably wasn't the best thing for a 5-year-old to be obsessing over. "Hai, sensei," Jiraiya muttered.

"So, what's all this about Sakumo?"

Jiraiya straightened up, ready to spin another tale. No way he was letting either of his best friends, either Sakumo or Orochimaru go down such dark paths and die.