DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, Naruto speaking to Kurama, etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

Damn Ero-Sennin for being here! She wanted to kill this asshole!

Orochimaru rolled his eyes like the drama queen he was, as he gestured lazily in front of him. "My name is Orochimaru. You shall refer to me as Orochimaru-sama and not as Orochimaru-sensei. I would rather die a thousand deaths than take a student, and if I had one…"

"Rochi-kun!" Jiraiya barked from behind him, knowing very well how his daughter felt about his teammate. He also knew that Orochimaru didn't want to EVER die, and that in the future Jiraiya wouldn't allow to reoccur, Orochimaru had taken a student that he abused and cursed. Neither he nor Naruto needed to think about that: the whole thing was just too horrible to allow it to happen again.

"Don't call me that, you fool!" Orochimaru swung his long, shiny hair around and lifted an elegant eyebrow as he observed the small children in front of him. From looks alone, they were terribly puny and unimpressive, but he'd heard about their skills. While not inspiring, he was interested. He was always interested in anyone or anything that was outside of the normal curve. "Ignore the Pervert," his eyes flashed to Jiraiya's daughter and he thought it amusing that the child didn't react at all to what he'd called his teammate. It was as if she already knew of Jiraiya's nature or was, perhaps, incredibly reserved and even-tempered.

Kami laughed.

"I am a Sannin, a researcher, a prodigy, and the next Hokage," the bastard continued.

"Why would you want to be Hokage?" Naruto asked, interrupting rudely. She could tell that Orochimaru was annoyed and that he wanted to wax nostalgic on some kind of long-winded bullshit, so she went on. "I mean, you'd have to deal with endless paperwork, would never get to further this research you mentioned or prove yourself on the battlefield or whatevs, plus how much stuff does the Hokage really get to choose or direct? The council's a bitch, and..."

Ooops: she'd said too much. Jiraiya was glaring at her in what was clear exasperation.

"And how would an outsider know anything about the Hokage position?" Orochimaru asked haughtily.

Jiraiya started to defend his daughter, but she was already pointing at him, indicating that he was the reason she held the opinions she did. "You know she's right," Jiraiya said, shrugging his shoulders.

"That's your opinion," Orochimaru said, swinging his hair around again.

"That's a fact," Naruto muttered under her breath. It was weird seeing Orochimaru in a Konoha Jonin uniform, an intact hitai-ate around his head and the whole bit. Although he still smelled like snakes and lab crap, he also smelled of flowers - and was disgustingly beautiful! So unfair, Naruto thought. How can someone with such an evil heart look like that?

Had he maybe already eaten someone's soul or whatever it was he did to people?!

"Now to continue the obligatory introductions," Orochimaru said, glaring down at Jiraiya's daughter. She was apparently a big mouth just like her father. "I enjoy obtaining new knowledge, eggs; I hold the greatest summoning contract: the snakes," he continued, his lips turning up wickedly when he saw both children's annoyance at that declaration. "And I despise the death that surrounds us. Hatake?"

"Maa, I'm Hatake Kakashi," Kakashi began, shifting uncomfortably. He wanted to say that he was the son of the White Fang, but on the other hand, he wanted to stand on his own. "I like eggplant, kenjutsu, and training with my father." There was a lot more that he wanted to say, and some things he didn't even understand about himself or know how to voice, and for once he thought that maybe his father was right about his lack of social skills. He was saved by the weird girl beside him.

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto," Naru began almost gleefully, Kakashi thought. "I like training with my dad, brother, and this idiot," she went on, pointing to Kakashi. Anko was her best friend, which meant there was no way she'd mention her to old snake-puss. "Plus Dai-sensei and Gai-kun, Genma-kun, and Kurenai-chan, and..."

"Yes, yes, yes: you are a social butterfly," Orochimaru said, stopping the brat from naming every shinobi and Academy student in the village.

"Nah, not really! My first goal is to bring Tsunade-hime back to the village so she can train generations of medics and strong kunoichi and shinobi to follow in her footsteps - outside of the drinking and gambling, ya know. I also refuse to take a seduction mission and will kick anyone's ass who tries to make me do it."

Orochimaru looked over at his teammate and frowned, his hair flowing in the wind behind him once again. "Yes, I've heard about your bet with my wandering teammate." He turned back to the brats, wishing Jiraiya would leave. "Know this, child: when you are given a mission, you will complete it." He didn't appreciate the way Jiraiya's brat shrugged her shoulders and looked as if she'd do no such thing. He'd have to beat the bad attitude out of her. "We shall see if you have what it takes to be a kunoichi."

Naruto glared back at the man with hard eyes. "A shinobi. I'll be a shinobi - and a kunoichi."

"Whatever," Orochimaru said, crossing his arms. "Let me see your katas."

It wasn't long before Kakashi and Naruto were dodging more and more (and larger and larger) snakes that Kakashi's puppies had no chance of ever defeating. The silver-haired Genin had never appreciated Naruto's warty giant summons and shadow clones so much as the eight hours they spent with the Snake Sannin.

"Ugh, that was horrible," Naruto said as she sat on a stool at Ichirakus. She was starving and glad Jiraiya and Sakumo-sensei were here to pay for their meals. "I hate that guy."

"Naruto-chan, I can understand why you may, at first, find Orochimaru-sama to be different, but you must show him respect! He's one of the very best shinobi in the Elemental Nations," Sakumo said. He looked over at Jiraiya, not understanding what the girl said as a reply. Her mouth was full of noodles that she was inhaling at an unholy rate. Naruto was or at least may have been speaking with her mouth full, and Sakumo was sure that he eventually heard a few curses and was certain the girl disagreed with him.

Kakashi was looking at her with disgust written all over his little masked face. His cheeks were so cute while he was chewing, Sakumo thought. He just wanted to pinch them!

"Kon'nichiwa!" Minato greeted after flashing into a bar stool that was marked for him. He had previously landed on customers and splattered noodles everywhere so many times, that Teuchi finally decided to permanently reserve a spot for him. He was a great customer, after all.

Sakumo scowled at his kohai: "all this flashing is really troublesome."

A certain Jonin sneezed. He glared and slowly looked around what remained of the perennials he was laying in, hiding from his students. Someone's thinking about me... Troublesome.

"How did things go with Kushina-chan?"

Naruto and Kakashi looked up at Minato with surprise, then Naru pouted at her brother. "Today we had Orochimaru... san."

"Oh!"

Naruto swore that Minato looked almost excited by that as he spoke after ordering his ramen. "And how did that go? Orochimaru-senpai is a great shinobi." He gave his little sister a warning glance but knew that it meant nothing. She was a handful.

Honestly, he really just wanted to take her shopping and dress her up like the little doll she was. He would definitely one day get her out of all that orange.

Kami laughed again.

"Maa, Orochimaru-sama just chased us around with his summons," Kakashi said, Naruto nodding beside him.

"I swear, we learned nothing," Naruto exclaimed. This time Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"Oh come on, brats! You got faster as the day went on until exhaustion hit you both," Jiraiya said. Kakashi looked hopeful that that was true, but his daughter only stuck her tongue out at him once she finally swallowed and took a breath.

"If we knew where you kids' sensei was, you could get back to work after this," Sakumo said, groaning and rolling his charcoal grey eyes when Minato flashed away again. He flashed back with Shikaku who was complaining about fast bastards who wouldn't let him sleep.

"Sensei! We haven't seen you in a while," Naruto greeted the Nara, glad to see him here, young, and alive. It didn't matter how many times she'd seen the man: she was just so glad he was here. She was determined to keep him alive this time. Kakashi rolled his eyes, looking exactly like his father outside of the mask, even in his actions.

"Troublesome. I shouldn't need to be here; I thought Kushina had them today."

"Orochimaru swung by," Sakumo said before warning Minato against using so much chakra unnecessarily.

"Glad I missed that," Shikaku said. He forced Minato to pay the bill this time, holding him in place until he did so.

Naruto laughed at the way her biological father was teasing her sensei and pretending to begin to flash or sunshin away. He was acting like the teenager he was, and not the Hokage he'd become, or the father he never got to be. She watched him for a while until Jiraiya forced her main sensei to go get them a mission. She and Kakashi followed Shikaku-sensei back to the Tower and found that the only thing left this late in the day were grocery runs.

To quote her sensei, what a drag!

It was on the last of these "missions" that were simple errand runs for a few elderly villagers that it happened. Naruto had a big bag of groceries in her hand when she literally saw red coming straight for them.

"Gah! Shikaku, I got tied up at the hospital all day! Mandatory check, ya know; then they forced me into doing work there: those bastards, but were your kids okay?" Kushina asked, trying to ruffle the silver mess on top of Kakashi's head. The little boy ducked away.

"What a drag: you talk so fast. But sure; Orochimaru-senpai trained with them. Sakumo-senpai was with them the whole time, too. Naruto says that he had his summons chase them around. Right, Naruto-chan?" Shikaku looked at his female student with concern. She had backed away and had tears in her eyes as she stared up at the red-haired Uzumaki. "You two haven't met before?" Honestly, he was surprised, although he knew that Kushina and her team had been running back-to-back missions.

"Finally," Kushina sighed and immediately pulled Naruto's groceries away and stuffed them in Shikaku's arms. "Look at you! You're even cuter than that idiot Minato said!"

Naruto was swooped up into her mother's arms and felt like it was all too good to be true!

It was.

She heard Kurama murmuring to his other half, and then her mother nearly threw her down. Kushina was breathing heavily, and her violet eyes turned red as she growled at her. Naruto took off running and sunshinning away as fast as she could.

Kushina held her abdomen and was horrified at what she'd done. She'd scared her little cousin! "Oh my god! I can't believe I..." she held her cheeks and let out something between a choke and a sob. She took off running in the other direction, toward her sensei's house.

"Girls are weird," Kakashi said worriedly. "Shall we, sensei?"

"Sure, brat," Shikaku said after a beat. He accompanied Kakashi to the couple who had requested their groceries be delivered and left the remaining kid with a lot on his mind.

Nearby, Sakumo tried to calm down his former student. Sitting her down with a cup of hot tea, they tried to figure out why the fox had caused such a disturbance when she gave Jiraiya's daughter a hug.

After checking her seal, the more Kushina said, the more Sakumo was once again convinced that something wasn't normal about Uzumaki Naruto.

Jiraiya had been trying to calm Naruto down for a solid five minutes.

"BREATHE, Naruto, breathe!" Fortunately, his sobbing daughter did just that after he grabbed her shoulders. She wiped her face harshly with her jacket until she could speak clearly.

Naruto was flat-out terrified and miserable. "Kaa- Kushina-san, I mean, came while Kakashi and I were doing a mission: grocery shopping, ya know. She hugged me and Kurama started talking to his other half in this really weird way, then Kush… Kushina's eyes turned red and she growled at me!"

"Oh, shit. That's what I was afraid you were saying."

"Sorry," Naruto apologized miserably. She hated crying.

Jiraiya sat back in his desk chair and thought about it, considering Naruto's and Kushina's seals for several minutes. "Tell your foxy friend that we're going to put a seal on him."

"No way!"

"C'mon! If it only happens once, Kushina will think it's a one-off," Jiraiya reasoned, he began pacing slowly throughout their apartment, slapping his notebook against his palm, trying to think of an undetectable way to seal off the fox's chakra that was in Kushina, at least temporarily, from transferring over to Naruto.

"I can't lose access to Kurama: he means too much to me and I won't leave him alone!" She felt Kurama's gratitude even through his complete annoyance with his other declining half, and just her mother's existence in general. "And even if you don't appreciate that, my chakra would be completely wonky without his circulating through my coils. I probably couldn't even do jutsu that way, and I just... I just refuse!"

Jiraiya nodded his head absently, still lost in thought until he snapped out of it. "Hey! I know all of that," he said before grumbling about something she couldn't understand. Eventually, he turned to her, ruffling her hair. "Want to help me create something that won't interfere with your chakra? Something we can take on and off? Hmm," he finally began mumbling ideas to himself more than his daughter.

Naruto frowned and bit part of her lower lip. "If it's possible, maybe something that can activate only when coming in contact with kaa- Kushina-san's chakra, ya know. We want to make sure that if Obito, Madara, or anyone else attacks when she's giving birth to little me that any significant amount of Kurama's chakra is already gone." She thought about it more as Jiraiya began writing things down this seal needed to do and sat down on the couch, pulling her hair the more she worried. "What if I cease to exist when little me is born? Will all of Kurama's chakra go back to her? We can't let that happen... We need to build Kurama a safe space before that!"

"A temple. I want my temple back!"

"That's fair," Naruto replied.

"And worshippers!"

"I'm being serious here!"

"So am I!"

"Kurama wants his temple back." Jiraiya was giving her a weird look, she thought. "What?"

"I would think you'd be more worried that you think you could cease to exist," Jiraiya said, frowning and shaken. She had mentioned this once before, but now he was even more fond of having his kid around, no matter how weird she was. Finally, he huffed and turned the rest of his body toward her, crossing his arms over his chest as a sign that there would be no arguments against his following words. "I'll develop a seal to keep you here. I don't care how difficult it is to make: you are not disappearing on me!"

Naruto slowly walked toward her occasionally (and gigantically) perverted father figure, giving him a hesitant hug.

She knew, though, that unless something foolproof could be found, she wouldn't hesitate to give her life for a little baby. Whether it was her or not. She'd already had her time and got knocked out of it. Naruto would do anything to ensure what had happened to her, her comrades, and her friends would never happen again.