DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape, etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

"Absolutely not."

Kushina and Naruto were pouting at him, but from the way her eyebrows were twitching, Kakashi knew that Kushina was about to blow a gasket. "I am not a kunoichi," he reminded her as if he had to. The mere idea of pretending to be one at the capital was only made worse because his father was here listening to the awful proposition, sipping his tea as he watched his kunoichi former student - along with his part-time kunoichi student - being so stupid! Why did he have to associate with idiots like these two?

People would think he was an idiot and ludicrous merely by association with them.

"Listen here, you shitty brat," Kushina began but was silenced by her sensei's deep sigh - which almost sounded like a tiger's long growl. She didn't care: she was used to Sakumo-sensei's overprotectiveness of his chibi clone brat. "Sens-sei," she whined, pouting and feeling that this was deeply uncool: she definitely should have approached Kakashi after Sakumo left for his own mission - but that would leave so little time for his fitting and disguise! "Please make Kakashi-kun do his mission."

Well, it was her mission and she got to choose chibis to take with her, but the brat didn't need to know that.

"Kakashi-kun," Naruto interrupted, trying to look as innocent and puppy-eyed as possible. "I thought you said that kunoichis can do everything that shinobis can…"

"I didn't say that," Kakashi said before smelling the danger in the room. "I may have, however, indicated that."

Kushina chose to dramatically roll to the floor but Naruto came closer to him - which was scary with the cootie possibility and everything - sitting right next to him.

"Kakashi-kun," the little blonde said, tilting her head unknowingly cutely, "if kunoichis can do everything that shinobis can, then it works the other way around, right? I know it might seem embarrassing, but I know you can do this mission," she said grinning at the boy, knowing full well that smiling showed off her missing teeth. It's not like she could do anything about it other than wait for more teeth.

Sakumo ducked his head and looked into his tea, trying to hide his sad smile. He wasn't sure when it had happened, but his pup seemed to have a crush on Jiraiya's daughter (who is hiding something) if the blush that had reached the top of Kakashi's ears meant what he thought it did. He rubbed the incoming tears away from his eyes. "They grow up so fast," he sniffed. Now he understood why Kakashi had combed his hair for once after coming home earlier. After getting his emotions under control, he looked up to see the exact same expression of disbelief on three round faces. "Brats," he said as he sniffled louder and wiped his face with his sleeve. "As you were."

"It'll be fun, Kakashi-kun," Kushina said after shaking her head at her old sensei. The man really was such a softie: she didn't get why people were terrified of him. Skill and chakra-wise, the man might be a beast, but otherwise, he was a teddy bear!

Wolf plushie: that's a better description.

"Yeah," Naruto agreed eagerly. "And I don't know how to be a proper girl either!" Kakashi scoffed and shifted around like he was uncomfortable, making her pout. "We'll learn together and we'll be super-infiltrators one day!"

Kakashi hummed, taking a more thoughtful pose. "I suppose it would put me one up, and it IS a mission outside the village..."

"Don't be power-hungry," Naruto scolded, shaking a finger in his face. "We have to be really good at everything so we can protect our precious people and not just because we're bastards."

"Maa, Naruto-chan," Sakumo sighed, leaning forward, "I know that Jiraiya doesn't use that kind of language in your home." The brats again stared at him in disbelief, but he wouldn't be defeated this time although he knew they had a point. "I don't allow cursing in my home."

"Sorry," Naruto said, flushing and apologizing immediately, but Kakashi was pointing at Kushina as if what he'd said wasn't true at all. Getting back to business, she tried to help her mother out. "And we won't tell anyone that you dressed up like a maiden."

"Maiden?!" Kakashi squeaked. Realizing how high his voice had gone, he leaned back and crossed his arms, daring anyone to make fun of him with a vicious glare at no one in particular.

"It's a mission, anyway, Kakashi-kun. We have orders, so there's that," Naruto said flatly.

"Maa, YOU always say you'll never do seduction missions," Kakashi said, then gulped at the way the room cooled. Even his father seemed disappointed with what he said, which made him feel terrible. He wasn't sure exactly what all a seduction mission entailed, but he was now determined to find out. Naruto looked so sad, even though Kushina hugged her and glared at him. He cleared his throat. "Sorry. Anyway, what do we have to do?" Naruto's demeanor changed entirely as she bounced toward him, so he'd score his decision to change the subject as a win.

"Someone tried to kidnap a princess," Naruto exclaimed. She couldn't believe her first mission outside of the village this time would take her to the Fire Capital to do what she'd secretly (and rather stupidly) dreamed to do early in her first life. Noticing that Kakashi's dad didn't seem surprised by this information, she decided to question him. Earlier she'd gotten all of the information out of her mother that she could, but maybe he knew more. "Can you tell us anything about the situation, Sakumo-sensei?"

Sakumo grinned and nodded approvingly at the pup. "Maa, the Daimyo's daughter, Ami-hime, was disguised with a group of traveling merchants, but a group of bandits sniffed her out," he said, running a hand through the top of his long hair before scratching his scalp. "Fortunately, the bandits weren't well-trained, and were scared off by one of the merchants who had a blade and a little samurai training when they tried to take her."

"Father's a personal friend of the Daimyo," Kakashi said a little smugly. "But Tou-san, why would Daimyo-sama allow Ami-hime into such a fraught situation?"

"He didn't," Sakumo said. "She ran away."

"Our orders didn't mention that," Kushina cried, wide-eyed.

"They wouldn't. The last thing anyone loyal at the Daimyo wants out there is that Ami-hime's… a handful," Sakumo said, deciding that was a good way to put it. "She has guards, but she managed to get past them."

"Shinobi guards?" Naruto and Kakashi asked at the same time. Naruto grinned at Kakashi and wondered why his ears turned red. She put her forehead against his to see if he was sick, but he felt cooler than her. "You okay?"

"I'm FINE," he said while shoving the idiot away. He didn't get why Kushina and his father let out a few snickers, but Naruto looked confused, too. Then again, she always looked confused. Not wanting to look like her, he pulled her hair so she'd get that stupid look off her face but should've known that would initiate a fight. Kushina and his father pulled them apart, and Naruto stuck her tongue out at him, so he did the same even though it ran into his mask.

Things went back to normal, so that was good - until Kushina unsealed a bunch of kimonos and several bottles of hair dye. "Maa, I don't like this," Kakashi mumbled to himself.

"Me neither," Naruto said, grimacing at the fancy fabrics her mother had shown her how to alter the previous night.

Ami glared at the two girls who her father had introduced to court earlier. One had short hair that almost made her look like a boy - or maybe it was the stupid thing the girl had against her face. It looked like a haphazard attempt at being a proper accessory to her ugly kimono. She was pale and had the laziest dark eyes, while the other's eyes were too bright and pretty - although she looked like she needed a mask so she could cover the little scars on her face.

Ami wasn't a monster, though. She'd never make fun of someone who had been physically hurt. "That Shina lady is your mother?"

The scarred girl who looked more like the older woman began coughing, but the masked one shook her head. "Shina-chan is our big sister."

"Well, Shina-chan can forget it, so you three might as well go home. My father already has four wives, and he doesn't need another one."

Naruto's - aka "Asura-chan's" - chakra flared, but Kakashi grabbed her hand, cooties be damned: she couldn't give them up, especially not at the very beginning of their mission! "That's not why she's here and it is an unfair accusation," he said coolly. "Shina-chan is an old family friend of Daimyo-sama's and wished to meet his newest wife," he lied. "She hasn't seen him in many years."

"Shina-chan's a good person, 'ttebayo," Naruto cheered and rubbed a little circle into Kakashi's hand with her thumb before he let go of her. He was doing really well although that mask/scarf thing was overkill. All three of them had dyed their hair a dark version of neon blue and really did look like siblings or half-siblings. "She told us that she used to know your big brother a long time ago," she said happily, using their cover story.

Ami glared at them. "So she wants to marry him!"

Naruto pulled a face as she huffed and tried to cross her arms defensively, but her kimono and everything under it were too heavy and stiff. Hoping to fool the girl into thinking she was graceful, she simply folded her fists into her long, wide sleeves. "Not everyone wants to get married, ya know."

Ami scoffed. "What planet are you from again?"

Naruto thought that it was a good thing that Kakashi, aka Kashi-chan (not too creative an alias on Kushina's front,) pinched her elbow, but he didn't have to do it so hard. Her mission name was her idea, naturally, and unlike Kakashi's, was super cool.

"I don't think Shina-chan is interested in marrying anyone in your family," Kakashi said, sighing.

"Riiiiight," Ami said sarcastically. "I KNOW you're new money so don't think you can fool me." The scarred girl's eyes narrowed, but the middle sister just shrugged. What a brat!

"Do you want to play?" Naruto asked, not really remembering ever doing such a thing inside.

"I already have friends," Ami said but almost felt bad at the way the scarred girl looked like she had been slapped. She reminded herself that they were only after her father's name or money, so she walked away as quickly as she could. The girl's teary eyes made her feel bad, even though it was good that she blinked them back.

Girls should be strong like that, she thought.

Kushina returned to her students after seeing most of their discussion with the Daimyo's daughter. "Look you two," she whispered and directed them into a quiet corner, "just go along with it. We can't leave her alone so go play but observe and report to me later." Both of her students looked bewildered at the idea of playing, and Kushina wondered what she'd been thinking bringing these two with her, of all the Genin brats in the village.

She had known Kakashi since he was born: he was a serious little thing before he could even walk, but Naruto's expression saddened her. Has she ever really played? Has anyone ever taken the time to show her how to play games? Grimacing but pushing the two children forward, she suggested that they play with the huge dollhouse that was set up. Her supposedly seven-year-old "sister" Kashi's eyes belied horror, but her five-year-old actual cousin, "Asura" pulled him forward and forced him to sit down with the dolls.

An hour later, her smile beginning to hurt from dealing with the Daimyo's oldest turd of a son, she wanted to pull her hair out at seeing her "siblings" engage their dolls in a mock battle. Ami-hime was watching them from the corner of her eye, though, and Kushina hoped that she wasn't too smart.

Two hours after that, Naruto was teaching the other children to play blackjack. Kushina wasn't sure whether she wanted to laugh or cry. Ami-hime was really trying to learn and win, though, and she was glad that Naruto, er- Asura-chan was a patient teacher. For heavens' sake. This is not what she was thinking when she thought of playing games!

"You're a gambler, too?" the Daimyo's son, Kenji, asked in a smooth voice, smiling flirtatiously. Kushina shook her head, as she looked down, smiling demurely. "No?" he teased. "And yet you've already won my heart."

Kushina wanted to gag. For fuck's sake: this old married prick was really a piece of work, wasn't he? "It is my belief that hearts are not mere prizes to be won, Kenji-san."

"Well then I'll just have to earn yours, won't I?" he replied, giving her a wink.

Later that night and after putting down a silencing seal, the Genin were desperate to get out of their kimonos, and Kushina's clone was trying to slow them down before they ripped something. "You two did well today. I think Ami-hime likes you no matter what she says… SLOW DOWN NARUTO and DON'T YOU MOVE KAKASHI! You're going to rip your disguise things and I'm not sewing them up again!" Both children stopped but glowered at her, making Kushina realize that the seemingly-awesome job of being a sensei to these two was basically glorified babysitting right now. She untied one obi after another and hung them up as the kids got undressed.

When Naruto's near-bare upper back was exposed to him, Kakashi nearly came unglued, making the natural redhead snort as she attempted to ruffle his hair. "Come now, Kakashi-kun! You know very well that on missions or just in the baths, you may be seeing your comrades naked." Really, his father needs to take him out more, she thought for the hundredth time. Kakashi looked like he was having a stroke, but Naruto was as unconcerned as she, herself, had almost always been.

"I'm not naked; I've got on my shorts and unnecessary-for-now bandages, ya know, so I can just throw a shirt on to do guard duty just like you do, Kashi-chan," she teased. "And it's not like I've got anything to show, for gosh sake," Naru chided, her back still turned to the rest of the room as she pulled her darkest top over her head.

Really, the main reason she was turning away was that this was the child-version of Kakashi-sensei, and Kakashi-sensei always read those pervy books. She plastered a huge smile on her face, trying not to think of all of that when she turned around. "But one of these days, BAM" she exclaimed, smacking her hands onto her flat chest then patting it a few times. "Watch out Tsunade!"

That was completely untrue but hilarious. Her mother obviously thought so: she was cackling like mad even as Kakashi quickly shut himself inside the bathroom.

"Sweetheart," Kushina finally said, shaking her head at her little cousin fondly, "I think your goals might be a little high there." Naruto burst into giggles like she hoped she would. "Now then. Get some sleep. My original is watching the princess with your clones, so she's protected."

There were about a dozen girls that were having a sleepover that sadly only included sleeping: two of which were Naruto's clones, one of which she henged to look like a blue-haired "Kashi." At this point in time, Kakashi could make a shadow clone which, for a normal shinobi of his age, was pretty impressive. He couldn't make it last while he slept, however. That was a Super Naruto talent!

"You'll take the second watch since the puppy is an absolute nightmare when he's sleep-deprived," Kushina continued.

Cue Kakashi's outrage from behind the bathroom door.

It took Naruto a long time to go to sleep. It had been really weird to "play" like a little kid, but she had always enjoyed playing cards with people like Tsunade. The evening had been worse to suffer through, and that Kenji guy was really making her mad as he constantly fawned over her mother, even kissing her hands and stuff.

What if Kenji took her mother away from her father?! Kurama scoffed at that but was otherwise unhelpful.

Once they were at breakfast the next morning, Naruto asked her mother/sensei about it. "Do you like Kenji-san?"

Kushina snorted, then looked more closely at her cousin. The little girl really looked worried about it. Kakashi had just rolled his eyes, making her blush and want to send him to time-out for knowing about her feelings for Minato-baka. "Would it bother you if I did?"

Naruto's eyes widened in fear as she watched her mother uncaringly slurp her miso soup loudly from a large bowl. "Aniki would be sad!"

Kushina swallowed wrong and began coughing. "Minato's an idiot," she eventually said under her breath but looked up to see teary blue eyes. "Oh sweety: I'm just joking! I mean, not about Minato being an idiot: that is a fact of life, but I don't like Kenji-san at all! He's a creep, but I can handle men like him."

"So it's a seduction mission," Kakashi said then got hit over the head. Naruto looked like she was about to cry and Kakashi's own eyes were watering thanks to the violent redhead who was still brutal no matter what her hair color was now.

"I am NOT on a seduction mission," Kushina hissed as she turned tomato red again. Her hair looked a little funny in blue as it flew around and for some reason calmed her. "Ohhhhhh, kiddies. You have so much to learn."

"Like what," Kakashi asked as he snuck some tamagoyaki under his mask.

Kushina hummed, knowing that newbie Genins were naive about everything, no matter how supposedly brilliant. "This is fairly simple guard duty. Now, you won't have to dress up when you do the boring but important mission of guarding the walls or if you're guarding someone in the village usually, BUT… You two look too much like one-day famous shinobi." Kakashi was glaring at her, and Kushina understood why. "Yes, Kakashi-kun, your fathers are already famous, but at least Naruto doesn't look like Jiraiya." She does look like her brother, though, and Minato's quickly making a name for himself.

She really needed to get on that: her boyfriend might beat her to the Hokage position if she didn't watch out!

"I don't want to look like Jiraiya," Naruto said plainly, not considering what she'd said. Kushina and Kakashi burst out laughing at her before she did. "Shuddup."

"Aside from the color, you did get his hair, honey. Anyway, aside from guarding her, we're here for information and everyone's a potential suspect," Kushina said, repeating something she'd told them before they left Konoha. "Ami-hime had disguised herself when she was nearly taken, and it's not like she's exactly a girl that stands out. Why was she the one targeted, ne?"

"Although our mission may be simply called guard duty, someone may have schemed to kidnap her, or even rescued her so that he or she could get into the capital," she added.

"What information do we have about the man that saved her?" Kakashi asked.

"I'll find out from Daimyo-sama today. We were interrupted during the debrief," Kushina said, frowning with a faraway look. Kenji-san was the one who interrupted them, and what still bothered her was the way his father the Big Wig allowed it AND didn't continue with the story of Ami's kidnapping. It seemed to her that Daimyo-sama didn't want his own son to know that she was a kunoichi guarding his sister, although she could have been misreading things.

"You're thinking something's weird about him?" Naruto asked as she observed her mother's changing expressions.

"Maybe," Kushina said. "Probably not. You two will leave that to me," she said with a smile, thrusting her thumb confidently toward her chest. "And just because I may have to flirt with some old fart does not make this a seduction mission, Kakashi-kun."

Naruto wiped her mouth and sat back, looking at her mother critically as she and Kakashi exchanged silly barbs. Her mother was the jinchuuriki but was she ever forced to do those kinds of things? What about Kurama's supposed words of wisdom, that the reason she hadn't been forced into certain missions was that Naruto had been the village's known weapon, or what have you? And that the clan heiresses didn't have to do them?

"I don't know if I'll ever be able to flirt, Kushina-sensei," she said in a small voice.

Kushina ruffled her hair and smiled prettily. "Don't worry about that, especially at your age, Naru-chan. One day, it won't be a problem. One day you'll even have fun with it," she said, winking at Kakashi who looked like he wanted to hide.

"Kurama. Is there something wrong with me?"

Kurama raised his head, looking at his worried chibi partner. He had been listening because he had been bored, and being close to her awful mother was always a pain and made him want to go on a killing spree. (At least a little.) "You were still young when you got sent here, brat."

"Yeah, but all the girls 'cept for me always had crushes and stuff."

"Does Deer Boy ring a bell?" Kurama asked, wondering how his life had devolved into these types of conversations.

"Oh. I do loves me a Nara," Naruto said contemplatively, rocking back on her feet and wondering when it was that she became so numb to the pain of living in a different timeline. - The pain of being away from her classmates and friends.

It coulda been worse, she told herself.

I woulda probably killed myself if I was in the Warring Clans era or had to deal with Madara before or right after then.

In fact, that was the reason she and Kurama had come up with for why she wasn't sent farther back to a time she could crush Zetsu earlier! Madara was just too crazy strong and beyond her limits without massive aid. Plus, back then, kunoichis were rare unless they were maybe from a famous family, and then they were trained mainly to only defend themselves.

Or who knows? Maybe the Sage and dead Kages didn't have enough chakra to send her back any further.

The problem that would soon haunt her would be Obito, however. Obito's eyes had nearly insane abilities and she hadn't had time to pay attention to him lately. She wanted to save him but knew that in the end, she'd do what she had to in order to stop Zetsu and Madara. And if the rest or even many of the Uchiha lived, the reincarnation cycle of Indra and Asura would potentially continue.

It was all too much!

"I don't think I ever flirted with Shikamaru, ya know," Naruto said to her furry counterpart, avoiding the topic of her very real responsibilities to all of humanity.

"You didn't have to," Kurama said before closing her eyes. Naruto didn't understand what that meant.

Feeling her eyes begin to tear up, she rubbed them while snuggling up to Kurama in her mindscape. Kurama had said many times that no matter how strong she (perhaps secretly) was, she was still a little girl in a crappy situation and body now. He assured her that she would overcome it, but sometimes she wondered.

"Naru-chan? Are you alright, honey?" Kushina asked in concern. She couldn't imagine what Naruto had been reminded of when she began to cry.

Naruto rubbed her eyes again. "Sorry. I'm not a crybaby," she told herself, more than anyone else in the room. Stupid Sasuke, calling me a crybaby…

Her day-long and sad introspection almost made her miss Ami sneaking out again.

Quickly making two henged clones - she hoped that the maids she'd copied and seen around yesterday wouldn't show up again and blow her cover - Naruto quietly tiptoed behind Ami-hime. When she was about to sneak through what she guessed was the entrance to a small passageway, she revealed herself. "Whatcha doing?"

Ami nearly screamed as she turned and gawked at the younger new girl, Asura. "How'd you find me?"

"We were playing hide-and-seek, ne?" Naruto asked innocently.

"I'm not it," Ami said hatefully then grabbed the girl so she'd help her stand, hoping that Asura was stupid and didn't know she was trying to leave. Weirdly enough, the much smaller girl didn't fall down although she stumbled. Maybe she was thinking too much about it, but maybe she was a kunoichi. Was she here to kill her?! She punched the girl in the stomach to see what would happen, just the way her uncle had taught her, then felt terrible when the girl fell over and started crying. "I- I'm sorry!"

"You hit me," Asura/Naruto wailed and let the tears she'd been holding back all day - or maybe for the last two decades - fly.

"Shh shh shush," Ami whispered frantically, patting the girl's head before she gently wiped her thumbs across her cheeks to brush her tears away. Interestingly enough, the girl's light facial scars had healed perfectly against her skin. New money must be running deep to afford a doctor who could do that, she thought. "It's alright! It's alright! I'm sorry - really sorry!" She winced when she heard urgent footsteps headed their way.

I am going to be in so much trouble! Asura was little and there was no way she'd not tell on her! And just perfect: her jerk oldest brother followed Asura's older sisters to find her.

"Asura-chan!" Kushina cried, moving quickly from when the maid - whom she suspected was Naruto- to embrace her little sister who was really crying hard. "What in the world happened?!"

"I FELL DOWN," Naruto wailed between heavy sobs. Kushina almost fell over in disbelief, then shot Kakashi a vicious glare when she heard him fail to stop his obvious giggling. She looked over to make sure Ami-hime was alright and found that her eyes were wide as she stared at Naruto in what was a cross between disbelief and relief. "Goodness, it's okay, Nasura-chan," she cooed, almost in disbelief over what a good little actress her cousin was. It took a while to calm Naruto down and Kushina wondered if something really HAD happened to the two girls.

"I'm going to take her to get cleaned up," Ami declared, surprising everyone. "It's only right! It was my clumsiness that led her to fall."

"No, Ami-hime! It was all my fault, ya know. Now we have to find a new hiding place," Naruto pouted, going back to character.

Kenji pushed his big nose into their business, though. "I think it's time to find a new game to play, don't you, hime-sama?"

Naruto didn't miss the way Ami went stiff when Kenji spoke so coldly. Her mother wasn't fooled, either, even or especially when Kenji kissed her hand again, asking for forgiveness for interfering or for his words being too harsh.

"Do you want to play a new game, or would you like to rejoin the others, honey?" Kushina asked the princess worriedly.

"I would like to rejoin the others," Ami said almost robotically before suddenly offering a smile that was bigger than any the shinobis had seen since arriving before bowing. "Thank you for asking, Shina-san." She grabbed Naruto by the hand and dragged her forward, away from the rest.

"Thank you, Asura-chan," Ami whispered as soon as she felt safer. "You can really keep a secret, and may have saved my life," she laughed.

Naruto easily saw that the Daimyo's daughter's smile didn't reach her eyes, however. Ami had been serious about what she just said!

What was going on here?!