Guidance and Discussion
Morning came, and it was one of the rare Saturdays when neither Beats or Elliott had to be at work. However, that was not to say that they weren't up early. They still had all the usual chores to do after all. That morning, however, Beats had an extra one; he had woken up, and decided he should go to the synagogue; a combination of prayer and the guidance of Rabbi Hirsch might help ease his mind. He decided to go to the early service, knowing that both the Rosenfelds and Flint favoured the later service, and so he would avoid any awkward questions as to why he was there that day. Elliott was content to let him go, as his short chat with Kurt the night before had given him the chance to hear from someone that was not directly involved with the two young men. He kissed his husband as he left, then started on his morning tasks.
Beats arrived at the temple in good time, and took a seat in a quiet corner, nodding to a few other people that he was acquainted with. When the rabbi appeared, he asked her for a moment of her time after the service, and she agreed. With that, he sat back contentedly to enjoy the act of worship… and then, with a minute before the start, the door opened, and Lachlan was standing there, on his own. He seemed as surprised to see Beats there as the older man was to see him. Given that the rabbi was making her way to the front, Beats felt he had no option other than to beckon his future son-in-law over to sit with him.
"I've never actually been here on my own before, so it is good to have a familiar face to sit with," whispered Lachlan as he took his place. "I just woke up feeling the need for some spiritual guidance. I need to decide if I want Dante to move in with me just now. I'm going to be honest with you, and say that I am not sure if it is a good idea that he does at our age…"
To say that Beats was surprised at the words he had just heard would have been a total understatement. He had seen no hint of this in his face last night; in fact, he had assumed that the two young men, who craved each other's company constantly, would have been overjoyed at the prospect of being able to live with each other all the time. Now it seemed, at least in the case of Lachlan, this was not what was wanted at their age after all. He had no time though to show any reaction to the young man's words though, as the service began, and even such dramatic revelations had to wait in the face of the solemnity and ritual of the occasion.
Beats was by now well used to the way that the service ran, the moments when certain things would occur, the order and rhythm of the act of worship. He felt something here in the synagogue that he had never felt in church as a child, somewhere he only ever found himself really when his maternal grandmother was in town. His own parents had been adherents to the same faith, but for them there was none of the ritual of weekly attendance without fail. They had only ever gone, other than when his grandmother was in town, for those big events of the Christian calendar, and even they had fallen aside by the time he left for Dalton…
There was something though that felt spiritual to him in Judaism; not quite enough that he was willing to convert, but enough that he felt comfortable to sit in the service and participate without feeling that he was a fraud. He knew the words of the main prayers now as well as Lachlan, who whilst being proud of his heritage, did not allow religion to be the dominant force in his life; as he put it himself, he was himself first and a Jew later. Out of the corner of his eye, Beats watched the younger man as he worshipped, noting the earnest expression on his face, and just how hard and intently he seemed to be beseeching God for assistance in the making of a decision that would possibly influence the entire direction of his life for decades to come…
At the end of the service, neither of them made any move to go, and that lead Beats to conclude one thing quite correctly - that he was not the only one that was waiting to talk with Rabbi Hirsch afterwards. With the room nearly empty, he now turned to Lachlan and spoke. "I came here seeking guidance too, seeing as we are being honest with each other. When you parents sprung the news on you and Dante yesterday, it was also the first that Elliott and I had heard of it, and well, the idea of the two of you moving in together at such a young age did leave me a little unsettled as well. However, that is not because I disapprove, far from it; it is because it makes me feel old, as if all of my youth is just slipping away…"
Lachlan smiled wryly at him, and said, "I think I can understand that, because I have felt the same since I left high school. I suppose it is worse though when you have a child leave home, because that is the end of a chapter of your life. I actually overheard my parents talking about that a year ago, and then my mom said that she was glad that I wasn't going away to college, as it meant I would be staying at home, because then she would not have to admit to herself that she was of the age to have a son at college. It must be much worse for you, as you are more than a decade younger than she is. It isn't that I am not grateful to my parents for what they have done, it is just that I wished they had spoken to me privately first, rather than just saying to Dante that he could move in!"
Beats chuckled at that, and responded, "They probably think that they are being so supportive and cool by allowing it; I mean, my parents are great, but they would have thrown a fit if I had wanted to move in with my partner at your age! The problem is that they have assumed that is what you want because so many young people would jump at it, and that has left you in a situation. You aren't sure, and Dante, well he might be eager…"
"I really am not sure if I am ready for that step, but admitting that to him might lead to him being hurt! He might think that I am rejecting him by not wanting to move in with him, and that is the last thing that I would ever want him to think. He is the one, the man that I will marry. I'm just not sure that I am ready to live with him quite yet…"
They both then sensed the same thing at the same time, and looking up, they saw the good rabbi watching them, with a smile. "Now, this is interesting. A boy, and the father of the boy's long term boyfriend, both wishing to see me in private; however, I find them deep in discussion together," she said, taking a seat alongside Lachlan. "So I think I can safely assume that the common denominator in all of this might be a young man by the name of Dante?"
Lachlan nodded, but then quickly added, "Although he is the connection, he isn't the cause. It is all due to something that my parents sprung on us at dinner last night."
"I see… Now, do you still wish to see me separately, or would a joint session be in order?"
Beats turned to Lachlan, and as the boy nodded, he replied, "I think that we can share the meeting, because we have both talked about our feelings on the topic, and I think the guidance we seek would be similar, if not the same…"
The rabbi nodded, then escorted them both to the privacy of her office. She made coffee, then sat and listened as Lachlan spoke first, setting the scene, then expressing his own worries, before Beats spoke about his own concerns, and how it had all made him feel. When they had both finished, she sat silently for a minute, working out how best to respond…
"In some ways, Mr Harper-Gilbert, your response to all of this is not that dissimilar to that of the Rosenfelds. Neither you or they are quite ready to see your respective sons leave home. Be honest, if you had the ability to have created for Dante what they have created for Lachlan, then you would have done exactly the same thing." Beats nodded, as what she said was true…
"Lachlan, having worries about how a big change in circumstances will change a long term relationship is also very normal and healthy. It would not surprise me in the least to find that some of the fears that you have just expressed were also present in Dante's head right now. I think therefore that you and he need to sit down, and in a neutral place, bring all of the anxieties and fears that you both have out into the open. I think that you are both mature and sensible enough not to allow such things to spoil the relationship that you share."
Beats had to agree with her, and spoke then. "Might I suggest that before Lachlan has that discussion I could sound out Dante's opinion for him myself? I will be wanting to discuss the whole issue with him anyway as his dad, and he can't make any sort of complaint if I voice my concerns really - he will just see it as the actions of a typical parent! That way I can forewarn Lachlan as to what his feelings on the matter are, and he can be prepared for how Dante will react to his feelings on the issue."
"That is a sensible idea in my opinion," commented Rabbi Hirsch. "The more information that we can have when entering such an important personal discussion the better. I have a strong feeling that from what I know of Dante, he will be having doubts of his own as well. Perhaps the biggest error that was made her by your parents, Lachlan, was having the apartment as a one bedroom one. Had it been built with two smaller bedrooms, and the suggestion of being roommates in separate rooms first, thus allowing you a private space should there be tensions, you would probably have fewer reservations."
"I think that I also need to sit down with mom and dad, and have a discussion on how what they have done has made me feel. It was all done with the best of intentions, and I am not the least bit ungrateful to have the chance to have my own place, but I just wish that they had spoken to me properly first!"
Lachlan's comment attracted nods of approval from both the rabbi and Beats. After that, there was nothing more to be said really, and so the two men took their leave. They headed out into the street, and parted company there, Beats promising Lachlan that he would head straight home and talk to Dante as soon as he could, something the younger man was grateful for. He headed off west along 14th Street, and remembered to switch his phone back on after a couple of blocks. It buzzed almost at once, and he saw that he had a message from Elliott. He allowed himself a small smile as he saw exactly what it said.
'Dante is wanting to have a chat with us both. I did offer to do it alone, but he said he wanted to wait until we were both home. Strictly entre nous, I think that the euphoria of last night has cooled a little in the cold light of day.'
Beats headed for home even faster, convinced that Dante had come to the same conclusion as his boyfriend; that moving in together was not as great a prospect as they might once have imagined…
He arrived home to find his husband and adopted son both sitting at the kitchen table, and he was struck at once by the slightly chilly atmosphere in the room. "Hey, I hope that you haven't been sitting there waiting for me long; I got waylaid by a couple of people after the service," he said with a smile, and then made his way to his usual seat at the table.
"You never mentioned that you were thinking of going today," Dante replied.
"It was a last minute thing; I just woke up this morning and felt that it had been a while since I went," he responded.
"I did tell Dante that," said Elliott calmly, "but he was convinced that you weren't at the synagogue at all, but had gone elsewhere to interfere in something else…"
"I thought that you had gone to see Lachlan's mom and dad. I'm not stupid, I saw how you reacted when they said I could move in with him in his new apartment…"
"That was the shock, the reaction anyone would have when something like that comes totally out of left field. It would have been nice of the Rosenfelds to let us know, as your parents, what they were thinking before they came out with it, and threw everyone in at the deep end."
"Yeah, but I can tell that you don't want me to move in with him!" retorted Dante.
"Now that is unfair; that isn't what he was saying there, not in the least," said Elliott, trying to keep things calm. "You know that we will always place your happiness and your feelings above everything else, and that applies here. Our concern is that you will feel pressurised to accept the offer and move in with Lachlan now that it has been made a fait accompli. The decision as to where you move, and with whom, is yours now that you are over 18. You have reached adulthood, and we accept that. You aren't a boy anymore…"
"All that we would ask is that you do not rush into anything. Take your time, think about it, talk to Lachlan about it, and in the end, do what best suits you, and for that matter, Lachlan as well," stated Beats. "You were always going to leave home at some point, and well, if you chose to move in with Lachlan now, then the time has come. We will let you go with our blessing…"
It took all of Elliott's strength and willpower not to stare open-mouthed at his husband as he contemplated the complete U-turn in his attitude to the subject since their talk the previous night. If that was what spiritual guidance could achieve, then obviously Rabbi Hirsch was one of the most powerful people in the universe…
He was even mores stunned though a moment later when the boy that had seemed so exuberant about the prospect of living with his boyfriend in their own place said, "I am not sure that I do want to live alone with Lachlan right now. I do love him, and I want to be with him, but I am not sure that I am at the moving in together stage, especially not when his mom and dad will be a few yards away across the garden! We both know that when we start to live together, there will be squabbles, and fallouts, because that is what life is like, but having all that happen within the sight and hearing of his mom? She will probably try and intervene, and well…"
"She would probably succeed in making it ten times worse, either by taking her son's side constantly, upsetting you, or taking your side, and upsetting her son!" replied Beats. "It would be no different if the boot was on the other foot, and we had done what the Rosenfelds have."
"The problem is that I think Lachlan is convinced I will say yes, and is desperate for me to. He wants us to live happily ever after, and if I say no now, he will end up getting hurt so badly…" said Dante, his voice starting to break and tears forming.
"Hey, you don't really know what he thinks about the whole thing yet, now do you? If you aren't ready, then chances are that he isn't ready for it either," consoled Elliott.
"What is important now is something that is the key to every successful relationship, and something that you need to have between the two of you for the rest of your lives; good communication," stated Beats. "I suggest that you should arrange to meet Lachlan, away from his parents and us, on neutral ground so to speak. You need to exchange your point of view on the issue, and then see where the common ground is. It is what all mature, sensible couples do…"
Dante agreed that meeting Lachlan and having an honest discussion would be a good idea, and that doing so on neutral ground would be preferable, the only issue being where such neutral ground would be found. He had of course to rule out his own home, or anywhere in the street. Lachlan's home was out too, and even the Spotlight Diner was not exactly neutral, and not the best place for a heart to heart in any case. In the end, it was Elliott that came up with the solution; he suggested that he arrange to meet with Lachlan in Washington Square, and either try and find a bench to chat on there, or head over to the Bobst Library, and make use of one of the individual study spaces. They had the advantage of being soundproof, and gave them the privacy they would wish.
Dante had to admit that the latter idea was very practical, and he immediately went online to book one on Floor 4, where two people were permitted to study together. With that done, he sent a message to Lachlan, saying that he needed to speak to him, and that he would like them to meet at the library. Part of him hoped that his boyfriend would reply that he couldn't, but in the end his reply was almost immediate, agreeing to the idea. He told him that he would tell his parents that he had to take a book back to the library, and given how much they prized learning, they would then have no problem with him leaving home on what was the Sabbath day.
Of course, the fact that whilst Dante had been reserving the room, Beats had been sending a message of his own to Lachlan telling him to expect the message from Dante had helped greatly in ensuring that the meeting took place quickly. By the time he responded, he had already mentioned having to take a book back to the library to his parents, and they had no issue with him doing so, encouraging him to take it back as soon as possible if he was finished using it, so that someone else could benefit. He was already in their good books for having attended synagogue that morning, and the fact that he was so thoughtful of the needs of others made them even happier…
The two young men met across the street from the library, both of them noting the slightly worried expression on the other's face and saying nothing. They entered separately, with Lachlan heading for the returns desk, whilst Dante headed straight up to Floor 4 and the study room he had reserved. Even though the room in question was designated as a space that two people were permitted to share, the librarians would often interrogate those that were using those spaces together, and would demand to see evidence of the joint project they were working on before allowing them in…
In the end, Lachlan was only a minute or so behind Dante in arriving and once he had stepped inside, the latter shut the door and locked it, pulling down the privacy blind on the window in the door as well. That would possibly attract the attention of the library staff and other users, but that was preferable to having people spy on them through the window as they talked. That done, he went over and took the seat that Lachlan had left; they both sat in silence then for a moment, neither of them wanting to be the one to speak first, and frankly, not knowing how to start the conversation anyway…
In the end, Dante sighed, and spoke. "Well, last night… you are so lucky to have a place of your own to live in! I mean, the way it looks is right out of one of those homes and gardens magazines; in fact, if Isabelle ever finds out about it, she will probably be right over to photograph it for an article in Vogue. You really had no idea whatsoever about what they were intending to do?"
"Trust me, I had no idea at all. I mean, I thought they were renovating the place to make some extra money, and when mom start to ask me what I thought about the design, and what I liked in the way of décor, I really believed they were looking to target a young professional or academic, and thought I would have similar taste to them. Of course, there was also the fact that they were always talking about getting me a tutor as well, and part of me thought they would be offering the place to a young grad student that had studied what I am, giving them a below market rent in return for them tutoring me so many hours a week…"
Dante chuckled at that, and replied, "Yeah, that sounds like a typical parent thing to do… It was also pretty cool of them to say that I could move in with you, as not many parents of kids our age would do that. Even here in New York, most folks would balk at the suggestion of it. However, it did come as a shock to my dads, and well, in the circumstances I think that the done thing would have been to consult the other person's folks before you offered to let them move in…"
"Yeah, I think that you are totally correct on that one," said Lachlan quietly. "I saw the expression on Beats' face when dad said it, and by the time they sent us out for another look, I think he was barely holding back his anger. Don't get me wrong, I don't think for a moment that he has a problem with us living together, but he would have liked to have had some notification that the announcement was going to be made…"
"That's probably true… Between us, I think the other issue is the fact that the idea of me leaving home makes him feel much older than he is. I mean, he was young when he adopted me, nearer in age to being a big brother than a father to me. I mean, think about it; all of his classmates kids are in elementary school at most, and I'm at college…"
Lachlan laughed, nodding, and then took a deep breath of his own before speaking. "If I am being honest, I'm not sure that I want to live in a place of my own yet. I like the comforts of home much to much. I mean, in my own place I will need to clean and cook all the time. I will have to find time to do grocery shopping along with everything else, and then there will be bills to pay for utilities and stuff…"
"I doubt that your parents will be expecting you to pay bills," laughed Dante.
"Oh, but they will, because they see stuff like that as being part of learning to be a responsible adult. I have never been the best at budgeting with my allowance, so they will see giving me the responsibility at my own place as a good way to learn."
"I am not bad at budgeting, but that is down to the way my life was before I ended up in the West Village. That, and my two dads being frugal so that they could save up money so that I would get the best opportunities at college. I mean, when I told them that our plan was to go to NYU together, they were far too pleased, and I realise now it was because they wouldn't need to pay out for dorms and a meal plan…"
"My dad probably knows that you are good with money from them, and it might be one of the reasons why he was happy for you to move in with me, so that you could take control of the money side of our life! If that is true, then I apologise profusely, as that is wrong on so many levels."
"It's okay, I don't mind; in fact, I take it as a compliment that your dad thinks that I have excellent money skills," replied Dante. Then, closing his eyes, he added, "On balance, the whole idea of us moving in together at our age is a strange one… Look, cards on the table. I love you, Lachlan, and can see us married and with a dozen kids of our own, growing old together. However, I don't know if I am ready to take that step quite yet…"
He waited for the tears, the accusations, and was relieved when he heard, "Oh thank goodness for that! I don't think that I am ready either! So, what do we do now, given the situation my folks have put us in?"
Smiling broadly at his now grinning boyfriend, Dante thought for a moment, knowing that there had to be some solution that would suit them and everyone else. It came to him quickly. "Well, we could maybe try sharing your new place on a few days a week at first; start with a weekend, and see how we go from there. If it is okay, if we survive it, then maybe we are more ready than we both imagine, and we could make it a permanent situation if we are both content. I will say one thing though; if we are going to do this, then we both need to find a job. That would be the adult and responsible thing to do in the situation…"
Both young men then decided that they should do a little actual study whilst they had the use of the room, and it would be nearly 9pm before they would head to their respective homes, having resolved that they needed to speak to their parents. They had decided though that they would not do so until the following morning, and would do so at the same time. To that end, they agreed that neither of them would actually say anything until they had received a message from the other by text that they were ready for the chat…
Lachlan would return home to find his parents watching a documentary show, and he had nothing more to do than tell his parents that he had exchanged the book for new ones, had done some reading at the library, and was now going to head up to study some more. His parents were content with that, as he had anticipated…
Dante on the other hand had known that he would not have it quite so easy. Sure enough, he entered the house, and was still hanging his jacket up when he was approached by an anxious looking Beats. Resisting the urge to smile, he said, "Lachlan and I had a lengthy discussion of the issue, but we both agreed that we should sleep on it before we announce our final decision; but when I say final, it is something that we will both be keeping under review…"
"Which is exactly what a mature young couple would do in the circumstances," said Elliott, who had appeared as Dante had spoken, and was anxious to get in before his husband spoke. "Such decisions should not be entered into lightly, as they will impact on your whole life for many years to come."
"Anyway, I am going to head up to my room. It has been a long couple of days, what with one thing and another," replied his son gratefully.
"Okay, I will bring you up a mug of hot chocolate in a minute; it always soothes after a long stressful day," replied Elliott, smiling. As Dante headed to bed, Elliott turned to Beats and said sternly, "And when I say I, I mean I. The last thing that our boy needs right now is you going up there, and well intentioned or not, giving him the third degree, and trying to get hints of which way he is leaning. That is a sure fire way to make him decide to leave. Whatever they have decided, they are adults now, and it is their choice to make."
Beats nodded, and let Elliott head to the kitchen, returning to the living room himself. He was joined there eventually by his husband, who handed him a mug of hot chocolate, and smiled. He sighed, and said, "If they had told me on day one of our training that fostering could end up being so hard, I would have had second thoughts. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Dante, and I can't picture our lives without him in them, but in hindsight, maybe the age gap between him and me was too small. We should have been less scared of taking on a baby…"
Elliott shuddered, and responded, "I would happily have all of this trauma now, and even worse stuff, rather than a bunch of soiled diapers and baby sick on my clothes. I think that deep down, you agree with me on that one…" He was gratified to see Beats nod, and then he wrapped his arm around the man he loved….