Story Title: All the Ways to Say I Love You
Disclaimer: Still don't own YYH.
Author's Notes: There is art that corresponds to this chapter from echokyuu back when this was for the big bang. The problem with linking it here is that FFN doesn't allow links in stories. Unless I do this, maybe, no promises if it'll work: www (dot here) tumblr (dot here) com (slash here) echokyuu (slash here) 645242652800991232 (slash here) drawn-for-saiyuri-dahlias-jintouya-fic-touya?source=share
And if that looks like madness, please check out the AO3 chapter and echokyuu's tumblr. Thank you again, echokyuu, for your hard work and beautiful art.
I had wanted to finish this chapter during the summer, so it would actually be the festival season, but I never seem to get a chapter centered around a particular season/holiday posted anywhere near the actual time of the year the chapter is set in. So here's a summer festival for the winter!
As always, thanks for reading.
-o-
Chapter Six: Festival Fireworks
-o-
Time flew by, but Jin was used to that. He didn't think of himself as a busy guy, but he always had something to do, some place to be. Work, the gym, hang outs with friends, a bar or two, always some place to go. He used to be a lot busier back when he was looking to meet people, looking for fun, but Jin had grown tired of that life real quick. Apparently, Jin always ruined the fun after a while being too chatty and wanting to get to know a fella too much. Him? Ruin the fun? Jin hardly believed it himself, but that was how things ended. Fun was fun, but sometimes he wanted more than himself and his heart played with.
Jin was used to things going fast with guys, but he had to learn to slow down with Touya. Some might say that the lad was not worth the hassle of dealing with to get to know better, but Jin was not a quitter. There was no cruelty in the lad's coldness, just the want to protect himself, and he had the social skills of a potato. But Jin could handle that, and by all means, they had made a lot of progress. Touya was opening up and talking. He was more forthcoming when they texted. Jin noticed him struggling to fill the silences between them, but Touya was silent to him no more.
As luck had it, and Jin had a lot of luck, he had been scheduled to work until three today and was back home getting ready for later. He had asked Touya to go to the summer festival with him tonight, but there was a small problem: Jin didn't have a yukata. It wasn't as if he had to wear a yukata, but it was one of the times most folks wore traditional clothing. And the two of them walking side by side in yukata through the festival painted a much better picture than Touya in a yukata and him in a t-shirt and jeans.
Jin hoped one of his three roommates had a yukata he was able to borrow, especially since one of them was a would-be fashion designer specializing in traditional clothing. All of them were an odd mash of personalities, but they got on, even when they weren't, and honestly Jin thought he had done all right finding this place and these guys from a sketchy internet ad.
"Any of you have a yukata I can borrow?" Jin asked the room. Suzuki and Shishiwakamaru were in the kitchen while Chuu was spread out on the couch watching tv and working on his…well, all the beer. And the spirits. And the liquor. Jin had no idea what he did for a living, but he always had his share of the rent every month and paid on time long before Jin moved in, so he didn't ask.
Suzuki looked up from his lighted stand mirror. Jin guessed he and Shishi were in the middle of trying out some new products for their reviews and tutorials. "What ever for?"
"Doesn't matter. Can I borrow one or not?"
"Maybe, if you explain what for," Suzuki said, much to Jin's frustration. "Excuse the inquiry, but traditional clothing is not your usual style."
"You're not going to wear it for five seconds and leave it on the ground, are you?" Shishi asked wryly.
"Ah come on to fuck will ya," Jin yelled. Why did everyone think he was going to do something stupid with it? Sure look, he did do a lot of stupid things for a laugh. "I'm going to the festival tonight."
"With who?" Suzuki and Shishi both asked.
Jin wanted to knock their heads together. A regular pair of coconuts, they were. "None of your beeswax."
"It's a date," Suzuki said.
"One hundred percent," Shishi agreed.
"Jin's got a date?" Chuu called from the couch. He was halfway leaning over the back of the couch. He was doing a fine balancing act—any more weight forward and the couch would have tipped over. Jin wished it tipped. "That a boy! Right back on that horse."
Next time, he was going to save up and buy his own yukata to not have to deal with this malarkey. "Flies, ya all are, biting and buzzing," Jin growled. "It's not a date. We're just friends."
Shishi waved a thumb at himself and Suzuki. "Like we're just friends."
Jin bit his tongue to keep from spatting out that no, he actually liked Touya. Suzuki and Shishi were in some kind of love-hate-financially supporting relationship that Jin didn't get, but that was between the two of them. Now, Jin liked competition, especially a fight now and again, but he didn't want to be rivals with his own boyfriend.
Chuu staggered up to Jin and wrapped his beefy arm around his shoulders, his weight causing Jin to bow forward. "Hey, mate, you really gotta change your passcode every once in a while," Chuu said, with a grin and a phone in his hand. Jin's phone, he realized. Chuu was going through his photos.
"The hell! Gimme that!" Jin reached for his phone, but Chuu swiftly trapped him in a one-armed headlock. He spat out curses as he tried to pull himself out of Chuu's surprisingly sturdy grip and wriggle away from his side. Sure, the guy was built like a dive bar bouncer, dressed like a punk rocker, but Jin never saw him do much ever. He was a crazy bastard, though, but so was Jin.
"Here we go," Chuu said. Surprise glazed over his face. "Fuck, them eyes… Does he have an older sister?"
Jin continued to struggle. "Don't know, and she's too good for ya if she exists." Jin jabbed Chuu in the ribs, loosening his grip enough to free himself.
As he scrambled to grab his phone, Chuu tossed Jin's phone over to Suzuki and Shishi to get a look.
"Oh, shocker! Jin found a cute one for once. Looks familiar, though..." Suzuki said as Shishi leaned over to see. "Is he that short or is it just the photo angle?"
"No, he's short." Shishi scrolled back to another photo. "Look. You can tell in this one." Suzuki scrunched his face into a disappointed frown. "I'm guessing you didn't sleep with him," Shishi smarted back.
It was one thing to give him all the catty lashings, but they weren't going to say nothing about Touya. Jin snatched his phone away from Shishi. "Run and run your gobs about everybody's business but your own is all you two ever do."
"There's no need to get all heated," Suzuki said, smiling in amusement.
"We're not making fun of your new boyfriend," Shishi said.
"It's all tongue in cheek."
"Like you and him."
Jin wondered why he considered these bastards his closest friends. "We're just friends."
"But you want something more," Suzuki said, his tone suddenly sympathetic. The change in mood took Jin aback. It amazed Jin how Suzuki was a complete gadfly one moment and completely sincere and serious the next. Out of all of them, he was the one with the best head screwed on his shoulders. It was scary how true that was.
Suzuki's words had Jin pinned. Of course, he wanted to be more than friends with Touya, but he didn't mind being friends if that was all the lad wanted. It was just difficult to read Touya to know if he was open to something more. Jin was used to a lot of mutual flirting and things moving quickly. His previous partners had all but televised their attraction to him. Touya was nothing like that. His previous attempts at flirting with Touya hadn't exactly worked. At best, Touya got quiet and nervous. Other times, it just made him confused.
"He's shy, and new to dating," Jin said. "But he's opening up and I think so if I'm patient we have a shot."
"You? Patient?" Jin couldn't blame Chuu for sounding amazed.
"I know, right?" Jin laughed. "Waiting is fucking rough, it is, but time and talk'll get us there, and I'll ask him out."
For once, Shishi looked impressed. "You're serious about this one."
"Aye, and I'm after too much work to do something stupid and scare him off."
"Well, I can't pass up being the reason the two of you get together. By making you look good for once that he can't help but fall in love," Suzuki said. Jin opened his mouth to protest. "Hush. I know what you normally wear. It's a wonder he stuck around."
Jin didn't know what Suzuki was talking about—he thought he always looked good in whatever he wore. And where did he get off saying Jin had no sense of style? He was getting critiqued by a celebrity fashion guru that wore a holographic rainbow silk shirt. All year round.
-o-
Sitting on a bench, Touya waited for Jin outside the festival gates. He was on his way, another five, maybe ten minutes, his last text read. It was a warm summer evening, though thankfully not too humid. Touya had dug out a yukata from a storage box in his closet. He hadn't worn it in years, but he hadn't grown much since high school, so it fit just fine. It was nothing special, just a simple indigo-colored yukata. Nothing special suited him.
He had been surprised when Jin had asked him to go to the summer festival with him. He supposed he shouldn't be—it was a fun activity, and Jin was a lot of fun to be around. They had been spending a lot of time together these few past weeks. Meeting at cafes and restaurants to talk and have a meal. About anything and everything. Touya didn't see how Jin hadn't gotten bored with him. Most of his new news involved a book he had finished reading, but Jin never minded letting him prattle on about a book or a good interaction he had with a customer. His interest always seemed genuine. Their excursions out to various themed cafes and bars kept conversation flowing as well.
Eventually, Jin was going to get bored of him. There were only so many places to hang out, museums and aquariums to wander through, or festivals to experience. Left with the two of them, Jin was going to get tired of hearing the same old, same old out of him and move on. Touya dreaded that day.
"Toy, there you are!" Jin called from afar and hurried in his step towards him. "Hope you weren't waiting long."
"Not at all," he said, standing up from the bench. "You look great."
Jin was wearing a plain burgundy yukata that brought out the blue in his eyes. Touya wouldn't have thought to pick that color, but he didn't know much about fashion, sticking to the same blues and neutrals himself.
"Thank ya, thank ya," Jin said, nodding his head. "I think traditional stuff suits you better than me, but I wanted us to match."
"What if I hadn't worn a yukata?"
"Then that'll be egg on my face, it would," Jin said with a smile. "But a bet I made, and a right bet it was."
Many people were meeting up nearby and chatting. There was an area where people sat on buckets and crates to eat and drink together. Some people took to sitting on the curb or stoops. If it was busy out here as it was inside, then the festival was sure to be bustling. Streets were shut down and blocked from traffic for the festival. Red and white lanterns lined the street and funneled folks toward the summer festivities.
"So what do you want to try first?" Jin asked. "Any favorites?"
"I don't know. I've never been to a festival before."
Jin rapidly blinked. "Never been? Not even as a kid?"
Touya shook his head no. "I wasn't given free time for festivals and such."
"Well then, we've got lots to see and lots to eat, so let's get to it!" Jin grabbed Touya by the shoulder and gave him a friendly shake.
The small shops seemed to wind on down the street as one great snake of commerce. Vendors sold souvenirs like character masks, wind chimes, and folding and uchiha fans. Food stalls offered everything delicious on a stick, grilled and fried meats, and sweet treats. There were carnival games and all sorts of prizes available to win—stuffed animals, plushies, water balloons, and small toys—and games of fortune for young and old. Traditional music blared throughout the festival. So much to see and hear, it was a bit overwhelming. And at times claustrophobic.
There was a good-sized line at the Yukimura's stall. Jin mentioned that this was the first year he had seen the Yukimura's working the festival. He asked Touya if he was feeling hungry, and Touya said that he could eat, so the two settled into a spot in line.
Neither Mr. or Mrs. Yukimura were working. Yusuke was manning the stall alone, dealing out to-go boxes of yakisoba from the mound on the left side and grilling up fresh in bulk on the right. His brow had built up a healthy sheen of sweat, but despite all his haste, he appeared to be in complete control. Yusuke used to work at the diner, but Touya had been under the impression that he didn't anymore.
So engrossed in his work, Yusuke didn't notice Jin in line until he and Touya were at his grill. He and Jin exchanged pleasantries.
"You're the last fella I'd expect to see working. What are you doing here?" Jin said.
"I'm making money, what else?" Yusuke replied as he worked up more yakisoba, the massive pile he had minutes ago reduced to hardly a serving.
"My eyes see that. The Yukimura's roped you into working a stall, did they now?"
"Nah, this is all my idea. Mr. Yukimura thinks it's not worth the time. I wanna prove he's missing out."
"That's very entrepreneurial of you," Touya said.
"Yea, you're definitely one of Kurama's friends," Yusuke said, tossing Touya a wry grin. "So two? You better not have stood in line just to bother me when I'm busy."
They ordered two portions of yakisoba. Yusuke splashed soy sauce over the noodles and chopped lettuce and added more ingredients and vegetables. It was really quite the marvel watching Yusuke work.
"I'm showing Touya around," Jin said. "First time at a festival for him, it is."
"Really?" Yusuke flashed Touya a look of disbelief and then grinned. "You picked the best guy to have a good time with. He can get you in trouble too so watch yourself."
"Ah so I'm the troublemaker?" Jin said incredulously. "Go on the tear with Yusuke and be prepared to leg it or face the whole slag of Yazuka Alley."
"You. Had. Fun," Yusuke loudly insisted.
Jin's grin didn't refute that Yusuke wasn't telling the truth.
"If he hasn't told you the shit we get into, next time you come to the cafe I've got some stories for you. Might turn your hair white," Yusuke told Touya.
It was nice to have a friendly exchange with Yusuke for once. While having shared few one-on-one conversations between them, Touya had sensed some annoyance from him toward him in the past, most likely due to his social issues causing Keiko more work at the bookshop.
As was courteous to other festival goers, they stepped aside to eat beside a nearby fence. Jin mumbled through his food that it still amazed him that Yusuke was actually good at cooking. Touya agreed with Jin—Yusuke didn't look like he knew his way around the kitchen but he did. Now he wondered why Mr. Yukimura had let a good apprentice go.
Couples and parents with small children walked by. Touya watched happy folks making memories with their children and loved ones. Young lovers surreptitiously held hands and leaned in to whisper between each other. Small groups of junior high friends traveled together. If he hadn't been so sheltered growing up, perhaps he would have gone with a group of friends like that.
Touya paused from eating. The yakisoba was delicious, but a heavy feeling weighed down his stomach. "Why do you like me?" he asked.
"Now what sort of question is that?" Jin asked in disbelief, a big bite of yakisoba bulging his cheek. "I just do, that's all there be to it."
That wasn't really an answer. At least not one that told Touya anything.
"You have a good air about you," Jin said. "A little chilly but refreshing. Like a cool autumn wind after the summer heat. Someone that feels just right to be with."
Touya was not sure what Jin was going on about. "The literal air around me, or..."
Jin looked over at Touya. "Sound crazy, do I?" he said with a gentle laugh. He peered up toward the sky. "The wind has never steered me wrong."
While not quite understanding what Jin was talking about the wind and his air, Touya did understand the part about someone feeling just right to be with.
"Enjoying yourself so far, are ya?"
Touya nodded readily. "Yes. Thank you for inviting me."
He used to think he was perfectly happy with his routine and had convinced himself that he wasn't missing out, and he had everything he wanted at home. But, as Jin had shown him, socialization was a necessary aspect of living that he was starkly deprived. It was more than communicating with others. It was forming social bonds with others through shared experiences. For most of his life, reading about an experience had to be enough. But even the most beautifully written passage could not substitute for living.
Farther and farther down the route, there were crowds and crowds of people, packed tightly. Officers assisted with guiding people along. A few folks walked bikes through. Shop attendants called out to customers and barked out that they had the best deal or the tastiest food. At times, the air was hot and smoky from the grills and smelled of savory spices and bubbling soy sauce. Deep into the festival, a young woman on a stage sang traditional songs.
Jin and Touya watched at a distance an employee spin cotton candy into giant teddy bears, cats, bunnies, rainbow-layered flowers, and Hello Kitty. The size of the completed cotton candy art was remarkable. One had to be well over eighteen inches in diameter. It was every wide-eyed child's dream. It was certainly more than Touya could consume by himself.
They spent some time at a stall where a traditional candymaker sold his sugar art as well. There were all sorts of animals, insects, and flowers—too many to list and nearly too many to take in all their details at once. If a customer was willing to wait a spell, the candymaker took requests for anything he didn't already have on display. Honestly, how anyone was able to eat these intricate and beautiful works of sugar art was a mystery to Touya. He wondered if there were ever art galleries devoted to traditional candies or sugar work. It would be nice to explore a gallery like that with Jin, though by the end of it they might be a bit hungry.
Though they had been admiring the candymaker's work for a while, Touya wished that they had a few more minutes. But folks were gathering around to watch the candymaker craft a brown bear on request, and it was polite if they moved on. Touya bought a fox for Kurama as a souvenir.
Jin urged Touya to come over to a taiyaki stall where an older woman was filling a thin pancake batter into fish-shaped molds on large, foldable griddles. She reminded Touya of Kurama's mother, especially as she told folks gathering around in a kind voice that the taiyaki would be ready in just a few minutes.
"They're fish?" Touya said, curiously. He had never had taiyaki before. He was surprised to see it was a sweet item.
"Yea, clever idea, isn't it?" Jin said. "Here you can get it with either adzuki bean paste or custard cream."
Touya tilted his head down to hide his face, but Jin had noticed something was up. "Something wrong?"
"They're so cute..." he replied, blushing in embarrassment that seeing such a silly little treat had put such a childish smile on his face. He tried to hide his love for cute things, but every once in a while, something new caught him off-guard.
He had expected Jin to make fun of him, but Jin simply laughed, laid a hand on shoulder, and gave him an encouraging shake."Let's get one then."
Touya bought an adzuki bean taiyaki while Jin couldn't decide between the two flavor offerings and bought one of each. Part of Touya didn't want to eat his taiyaki, not immediately. All the little scales and fin bits had came out perfectly. The cake outside was golden brown and had a fragrant pancake scent. His stomach urged him to take a bite and quit admiring the details. After all, he couldn't keep it. The taiyaki was crispy on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside, and had so much red bean paste filling. He understood why Jin had wanted to get them.
Jin gave Touya a bite off his cream taiyaki so he could experience both. It was very good as well. It reminded him more of a doughnut.
"It's so sweet," Touya said, holding his hand over his mouth as he chewed.
Jin grinned. "See why I had such a trouble choosing?"
Touya nodded yes.
"Some may call getting both being greedy, but sometimes you have to let yourself enjoy both. Why fight with yourself to make a choice when you can just say yes? Would make folks happier, or so I say."
"I wish more people in my life gave advice like that," Touya said. And meant it.
Jin grinned sheepishly. "Don't get me wrong, I say a lot of nonsense too, but every once in a while, I'll say something worthwhile."
"I haven't heard you say anything nonsense."
Jin appeared taken aback by Touya's sincere words. He looked away coyly and then took two big bites of each of his taiyaki to hide his unbelievably goofy grin. Had Touya said something funny? He carefully picked through his words and didn't find an accidental joke.
"Sometimes I say strange things," Touya said as an apology.
"Haven't heard you say anything strange," Jin replied.
Touya didn't know what to say. He was so used to being a piece from a puzzle tossed into another puzzle altogether that he wasn't accustomed to fitting into an empty space. A feeling of light in his chest, warm and gentle like the first morning rays, wrapped around him. He wondered how long it would last. He ate more of his adzuki bean taiyaki, the sweetness just the right amount for his taste.
After their snack break, Jin and Touya continued on through the festival. By now, the sun had mostly set—there were a few lingering rays stretching out over the horizon, but the darker blues of night were moving in to settle into place. The white and red festival lanterns kept the path well lit, and there were various light fixtures set up by vendors and the festival committee.
The festival was quite busy at this point in the evening. There hadn't been too many crowds earlier, though there had been wider streets and more open spaces for folks to gather elsewhere. Here, in a narrow path between an unfortunately clustered section of food vendors, people shuffled and struggled to get by. An officer tried to bring order to chaos, but his commands and handwaves were largely ignored by the willful nature of people who just didn't give a damn.
Jin and Touya joined the flow of people who just wanted to move on past the blockage. Once they were a few tottering steps in, the only way out from then on was forward. Touya hated this—the walls of people around him. Loud voices coming from all sides. The scent of sweaty bodies, clashing perfumes, and bad breath blended with the smoky air from the grills. Touya knew well enough to hold his wallet close. Pickpockets were the least of his concern, however.
Touya was surrounded, and the exit was too far ahead to see. Folks jostled around one another. Stray elbows prodded his sides. His skin crawled at the random brush ups against him, some he suspected were not-so-accidental touches. It was too much at once, too much to take in, too much to navigate. Touya was not positive he was breathing. Faces blurred. Either his eyes were darting around too quickly or he was dizzy. He felt himself wanting to freeze up, but that would just cause more of a traffic jam. His heart and mind were racing neck-and-neck toward a finish line without a victor.
"Give me your hand," Jin said, partially turned back with his hand extended. "Stay close. I'll get you through this."
Touya was unsure if he had taken Jin's hand or if Jin had grabbed his, but Touya listened and remained close by, careful where he stepped so not to trip Jin ahead of him, as they waded through the throng of people. Jin's grip was strong and secure and eased Touya's worries that he wasn't going to lose him. Jin's hand was something tangible, something Touya's mind could latch onto and his panic couldn't rip him away. Touya paid no more attention to the people surrounding him.
The street finally opened out more, and people were gladly dispersing elsewhere and away from the traffic jam. Jin guided Touya over to a shop with a small set of stairs before the front door and helped ease him down onto the steps. Touya focused on his breath and the present moment. He filled his lungs slowly and deeply. His arms and legs were shaking. Jin sat down on the stoop beside him. His leg pressed against Touya's.
"How are ya feeling?" Jin asked softly.
"I'm okay," he told Jin and himself as a reassurance. "Festivals are certainly lively at times."
"Yea, there are spots here that bottleneck folks, but it's not too bad," Jin said. "Been to one that was a packed train of people the whole time. Never again will I go. I don't even have fears of lots of people and even my nerves were jittering."
Touya didn't even want to imagine a crowd populous enough to give Jin a touch of anxiety.
"If it helps, look at the sky. It's big, wide, and open. Shame the city lights block view of the stars. Go out into the countryside and you'll see 'em. The great expanse of the universe."
Touya peered over to see Jin looking up toward the sky. There was such a calm smile on his face. Touya followed his lead and looked up at the evening sky. It was dark and clear, but he didn't see any stars. When had he last really seen the stars? Photographs in books and on the internet, yes, but hardly ever night to night. He liked the idea of going out to the countryside with Jin, maybe even spend a weekend at a hot spring resort and observe the stars.
He was getting ahead of himself, wasn't he? Going away for the weekend was a bit much to ask. Maybe if they went along with friends...err, well...maybe if Jin brought along some friends. But truthfully, Touya preferred that it just be the two of them.
There was a stall nearby surrounded by kids that caught Touya's eye. Actually, it caught his ears first, as the kids cheered one another on and then groaned loudly in defeat. As some of the children dispersed away from the stall, Touya made out its signage.
Touya turned to Jin. "Goldfish scooping?"
"Yea, you get to keep the goldfish you scoop."
Touya stood up and brushed off the grit on the back of his yukata. Jin stood up as well.
"They're real goldfish?" Touya asked.
"Of course they are. The cracker ones get soggy."
Touya followed Jin over to the goldfish scooping booth. The why-this-was-a-game still confused Touya. He understood the basics—scoop fish, win fish—but he wondered how stressful it was on the fish. There were orange, black, and orange-red and white goldfish swimming around in large, rectangular plastic tubs. The water was clear and being filtered through a water pump.
"Lemme show you," Jin said, drawing back the sleeves of his yukata as he crouched down in front of one of the plastic tubs.
The young woman attending the stall handed Jin a small paper scoop and a shallow dish and wished him good luck. Hoping to see someone succeed (and maybe get some tips), the kids watched Jin from the side. He dipped the paper scoop into the water and chased after an orange goldfish. He managed to scoop up the fish, but the paper broke, and the goldfish plopped back into the water and swam away to hide amongst the rest of its school.
The kids were not impressed.
Jin held up the ripped scoop. "Ah, I was never no good at this."
"How about you try, Toy? You've got a gentler hand than me." He paid the young woman for a second try.
Touya wasn't positive yet that he wanted to try, but before he knew it, there was a scoop and a bowl in his hand. The kids watched him as well, with a more skeptical eye after Jin's unsuccessful attempt. He guessed he was doing this. He had no idea what he was doing. More than likely, he was going to end up with a ripped, wet scoop.
Touya held the scoop above the water and trailed behind a small orange-red goldfish. He tried to logic this problem out, but there was no knowing with certainty where the fish was going to swim off to next. Surprise was best. A quick, precise approach. He waited for the fish to calm down a bit before he flicked it and a splash of water into the bowl.
"Ah, I got one!" Touya's shocked gasp was just barely audible above the kids' shouts and cheers. "What do I do now?"
"Keep going!" Jin grabbed Touya by the shoulders and shook him encouragingly. It was a wonder the fish hadn't sloshed out of the bowl.
Matters hadn't gone as he had expected, and now Touya's mind was racing to catch up. Thankfully, thinking and acting quickly was something he was rather skilled at. He assessed the situation, located a target, completed his necessary action, and obtained a black goldfish. The kids cheered even louder. Touya went after an orange one to have all the varieties, but the paper ripped on the third. The kids were disappointed, but Touya was happy (and relieved) with his catch.
Jin seemed to agree with him. "Two is the most you'll get on one scoop."
The young woman attending the stall handed him a plastic drawstring bag containing his fish. Touya thanked her and stepped aside. The kids quickly moved back into their place. They were eager to try again, each clamoring for the attendant's attention.
Touya briefly admired his fish in the lantern lights. His fish were both small and young. "I've never had a pet before."
"If you don't want the hassle, I'm sure those kids will be happy to take them off your hands."
"No, it'll be fun to try something new," Touya said.
"That's the spirit."
Jin and Touya ate and drank their way through everything the festival had to offer. It was about time for the fireworks show to start so, on Jin's recommendation, they headed over to a grassy riverbank to sit and watch. Seeing few people around, Touya asked if they were early, and Jin remarked that it was better to early than late if they wanted a good seat. It wasn't too long of a wait and the both of them had bought more snacks and a couple bottles of beer to occupy them as they waited.
Jin leaned back onto his hands. "Been in a few bar scrapes, I have. Half I didn't start, half I did. That's what Yusuke was flapping his gums about. Gets the blood flowing and livens up the party, but there's more to life than drinking after work and causing a ruckus."
"That's why I like hanging out with you. You actually want to do things, and you don't give me flap about my ideas being boring or childish. Things are happening out in this world that you'll never experience if you don't do a little exploring."
Touya didn't know what to say. Every time he had asked Jin why he liked him, he had always said something along the lines of "I just do", however he finally gave a clearer answer. He wanted company and human connection he wasn't able to find anywhere else. Touya understood that desire clearer than Jin's favorite skies.
"Ever gone up to the mountains when the leaves change?" Jin asked.
Touya said no.
"Seen the ocean?"
His answer was still no.
"Party at a friend's house?" Jin asked doubtfully, knowing it was a long-shot.
Touya shook his head.
Jin scratched the back of his head. "Would it be quicker to ask what have you done before?"
"It's not much..." Touya admitted, canting his eyes down. "My father had a plan for me. I studied with private tutors and on my own every waking moment. I rarely left our apartment. First time I was around kids my own age was on my first day of public high school. After he had given up on me. At least on his original plan."
"Fecking hell, I feel like an ass for wondering how you couldn't have done nothing."
"It's fine." Touya shrugged. "My childhood was unique."
Jin nodded in agreement. "That's for sure. ...Might even call it a stronger word." And then a bright chime returned to his voice. "Upside though, means we got a lot of stuff to see and do together, it does."
"You always see the bright side."
"I try to," Jin said. "Seeing the best in things is more fun than seeing the worst it can be."
Touya sat his beer back down without taking a sip. He idly tapped the bottom of the bottle against the grass. "I wish I could think like that."
"What's stopping you? You can learn how," Jin said. Touya's expression didn't exactly read hopeful at the prospect. Jin wrapped his arm around Touya and pulled him in closer, his exuberance nearly causing Touya to tumble into his lap if he hadn't quickly held onto Jin's waist. "Have me stick around then. I'll remind you that everything's not all bad."
Touya pulled himself back up to sitting. He was laughing. "Thank you."
The first whistle and boom kicked off the fireworks show. Startled by the loud noise, Touya jumped in his seat. The fireworks were loud but beautiful, with bursts that reminded him of chrysanthemums and spider lilies in various, brilliant colors. There were sparking wheels and crackling snowballs that fizzled out. Thin white streaks that whizzed into the air and popped into stars. Touya heard the festival fireworks from his apartment every year, but he never made plans to go see them. Not even by himself to photograph them. Seemed foolish to him now that he hadn't.
Touya leaned back onto his hands. He was careful not to lay his hand where Jin's was. Their hands were close by, close enough that they could hold hands, if they wanted to. Which Touya didn't want to do. Not really. Only if Jin wanted to, and he already would have taken his hand if he actually wanted to. Jin was much more of a follow one's heart than a use one's head kind of person. Doing whatever he felt like doing was not the sort of thing Touya did.
It would be shocking if he did though. Jin's hand was right there, all he had to do was lay his hands over his. Touya didn't believe that Jin would protest. Might even be happier for it. Maybe. It might be an odd message to send—was it even a message he wanted to send?
He could test the waters. He could accidentally let his fingers touch his hand and see if Jin responded.
Touya sat up straight and held his half-empty beer in his lap. The lingering alcohol in his mouth tasted flat.
What was wrong with him? Why was he like this? All he wanted was to feel a connection greater than the one they shared separately. A moment was all he asked for. Now felt like the right time. The fireworks, vibrantly bursting in the air. The lovely evening spent together. He really could not have asked for anything better.
Touya sat watching the rest of the fireworks show, disappointed in himself and at the mixed signals in his head. He hoped Jin didn't notice the letdown edging into his smile.
Leaving the festival took hardly any time after the fireworks show completed. Folks did not tarry or stood around to talk. Most of the vendors were cleaning up and closed for the night. Since Touya lived closer, Jin agreed to walk with him home. Jin jabbered on about how their evening had went. Touya listened and didn't listen. He tried to, but his mind was thinking about the evening differently.
As they crossed the street, Touya stumbled on the curb. He had caught himself but Jin was right there, ready to catch him. He asked him if he was okay. Touya was. He had felt his sandal strap break. He looked down and saw that it was broken at the connection. Not exactly a tie back together to make do and go on kind of fix.
"Climb onto my back. I'll carry you home," Jin offered.
Touya shook his head. "It's not that far. I can manage."
"Be no trouble at all," Jin assured and then crouched down. "Come on, hop on."
"No, I'll—"
"Hobble along the dirty street," Jin teased. "I swear I can carry you no problem."
"I'm not a child," Touya shouted sternly.
Jin blinked, having never heard Touya raise his voice before. "Never said you were," he said. "But it's no good walking with the strap broke. If you don't want to, I won't pressure you." He rose to standing.
"No, I..." Touya didn't know what to say. He was too much in his own head tonight. "I'm sorry. I appreciate the offer. It just...took me by surprise."
"I get ya. Feels odd when somebody holds out their hand for ya," Jin said, crouching once more. "Honestly, I'm like that myself."
Touya was not sure what to do. Following Jin's instructions, he wrapped his arms around Jin's neck and leaned forward as Jin grabbed and held onto him from underneath.
"Got ya on this side," Jin said after standing up. "You feel fine back there?"
Touya said yes, and away they went. He felt a bit silly, and people were tossing the two of them looks. Probably at the curiosity of one fellow carrying another fellow on piggyback. Weren't children typically carried this way? It didn't help that Touya on the shorter side, and Jin was a foot or so taller than him.
Moving his arms away from Jin's neck, Touya held on to his shoulder while his right arm with his bag of goldfish hung down at his side. True to his word, Jin wasn't having any trouble carrying him. It was a fifteen walk from his apartment from where the festival was taking place. Aside from a few necessary directions from Touya here and there, their walk was shared in a rare almost silence between them—almost silence because Jin was softly humming a traditional song from the festival.
Tonight had been fun but draining on Touya—normally he was only around that many people during the holiday rush. He laid his head on Jin's shoulder. His closed lips pressed against Jin's yukata. He picked up the clean scent of the mild, woodsy cologne he was wearing. Touya couldn't remember the last time he had been held. He doubted the last time had been a happy memory. This, this definitely was a happy memory. He wondered how odd it would be if he wrapped his arms back around Jin's neck or around his chest. He just wanted to be close. For once, he wanted to know what complete comfort without a single lingering worry felt like.
"Feeling all right, Toy?" Jin asked, turning his head toward Touya.
Touya quickly laid his chin on Jin's shoulder. "Yes. Just resting my head."
"Couple of beers got your head spinning, I bet."
"Yeah," Touya lied, hoping Jin hadn't noticed. He could have felt his mouth pressing against his yukata, true, but perhaps he hadn't. It wasn't a kiss, not technically or had meant to be—he really had been resting his head.
"Let me know if you need down," was all Jin said.
While Touya had assured Jin that he could walk up the stairs to his apartment, Jin insisted that he could carry him the rest of the way. Sometimes Touya wondered if it was stubbornness or kindness that fueled Jin's behavior—currently the tally marks were equal in both columns.
Our Landlord was resting on the stairs. He was a large, fluffy brown and black cat with amber eyes that lived at Touya's apartment complex and belonged to no one and everyone—it was a wonder he hadn't been made into a mascot. He had been skittish around Touya for the longest time, but he had been coming around him a lot more of lately. Yesterday, he had accepted a bit of cooked steak from his hand, but he wasn't comfortable with being petted yet.
"That's a big cat," Jin remarked as they gingerly passed by.
"That's Our Landlord."
"Do you pay rent in cash or kitty kibble?" Jin teased. Touya wished he paid in cat food. His rent would be so much more reasonable. Maybe.
The cat followed them to Touya's apartment door and hopped up onto the balcony. Jin let Touya down.
"Thank you," Touya said. "I hope I wasn't too much trouble."
"Not a bother at all. I told you I could. If I can shoulder Yusuke home, carrying you would be a breeze."
"Tonight was wonderful. Thank you for inviting me."
"Glad you liked it," Jin said with a sharp nod for emphasis. "If there's anything you ever wanted to do and never got to do it, just let me know. Make a list and we'll mark them off one-by-one."
Touya smiled gently. "Sure." He honestly enjoyed the prospect, especially if it meant more time with Jin.
"All right, I'll get out of your hair. Talk to ya in the morning, Toy." As Jin headed off, he turned to the cat on the balcony and gave a him quick salute. "Evening, sir."
The cat chirped back in response.
"Take care," Touya called.
Jin peered back over his shoulder. "Don't I always?" he said, and then laughed.
On his way down the stairs, Jin began whistling a bright tune, though Touya didn't recognize it. It wasn't something from the festival, he was certain of that.
"He really is something, isn't he? That good-nature cheer is who he is. We're very different, but we get along well," Touya said, leaning on the balcony beside Our Landlord the cat and watched Jin until he was out of sight. Surprisingly, the cat did not run off when he approached the balcony. It was the first time the cat was within elbow distance to him, and he seemed perfectly fine with that.
"Should I ask him out? Is that something I should do? We're friends, but the way I feel…" He tilted his head down. He lightly shook his head in doubt. "It's hard to compare feelings of friendship to romance when your social circle has only recently doubled to two."
Touya sighed as he stared up toward the sky. A single star shined through the city light pollution. "I like Jin. That I know is true."
Touya met Our Landlord's bright gaze. He didn't dare ruin the moment by trying to pet him. "Thank you for listening."
Our Landlord the cat had a big stretch before he hopped off the balcony and headed off elsewhere with his fluffy tail held high.