Chapter Ten: A Hungry Luma Eats "Star Bit Soup"

When I awoke, Lubba was leaning over me. "AAH!" I screamed, scared half to death. I wildly threw a punch at him, but he managed to sidestep – rather, sidefloat – it.

16. Leans over sleeping people like a creep.

"Why did you do that, cap'n?" Lubba asked. "Why didn't you just feed the Hungry Luma?"

"That Hungry Luma was bossing me around," I said, looking around to see that the Hungry Luma was gone. Good riddance. All the Toads in the Mushroom Kingdom say "good riddens," and no matter how much I correct them, they still continue to think that's the proper spelling, for some reason. I continued, "I needed to teach that snob a lesson."

Lubba pathetically replied, "Well, all Hungry Lumas are pushy and shove-y, but you just gotta go with the flow, man."

About 83.7% of my brain wanted to spit that spiel back at him in a snotty tone, but I literally bit my tongue so hard I think I lost a wedge of health. Instead I said, "Fine. So now I guess I have to find 300 Star Bits somewhere to put off those other lame-o galaxies as long as I can."

"My philosophy is to just get stuff I don't want to do done and over with first."

Yeah, in my life that doesn't work, because if that were possible, I would jump straight to World 8-Castle in all my adventures, whack Bowser in the junk with some random heavy piece of plumbing equipment, and save Peach. Boom. Done.

The following morning, I was hardly feeling any better, and was still unprepared for the decision that lie ahead of me. To Fluffy Bluff or not to Fluffy Bluff? That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind…I can't remember the rest, that's as far as I've ever memorized. Then again, all of William Toadspeare's plays are boring snooze-fests, so that doesn't help either.

I walked up to the helm, and who was waiting there for me but Lubba. Ugh. Just the guy I needed to make my day better. I would even prefer Bowser, because my Grievances Against Bowser list dwarfs my Grievances Against Lubba list, so I would feel more justified getting out my anger by punching Bowser in the face than by doing the same to Lubba. Stupid moral compass.

Lubba said, "Hiya, pal! Still bummed about the…incident yesterday?"

If I didn't know better, I would take the emphasis he put on "incident" as an indicator that he felt I was at fault for how things went down.

Lubba continued, "I think I can help you get some Star Bits for the Hungry Luma."

Lemme guess – he's gonna suggest I bring the abso-flippin'-lutely useless Co-Star Luma with me?

Instead, he began making strange gurgling noises. And then he puked everywhere. Rainbow-colored puke. OMG, were these the Star Bits?! Sure enough, I saw chunks of Star Bits floating in the slop. If I had more Star Bits, I would've Star Bit-spanked Lubba like I did to the Hungry Luma yesterday for thinking that this trash would help me out.

I sighed and said, "Well, as your captain, I command you to clean up this mess you made."

And then, maybe just to prove that lightning could strike twice, Lubba threw up again, only this time some of the garbage sprayed on ME!

17. Disobeys direct orders.

18. Barfs at his superiors.

"AAH!" I screamed, swatting at the spots of vomit on my pants and stumbling backwards over the helm. While I fell, my hand somehow tore open the panel atop the helm and speed-dialed 1-800-STAR-BIT. NO!

I fell off the helm and tumbled down Starship Mario's cap, eventually landing, dazed, on the ship's giant nose.

Lubba peeked over the helm and asked, "Are you okay?"

"CAN IT!" I screamed.

Ten minutes later, I finally, walked back up to the helm, hoping that Lubba had cleaned up his reverse bowel movement. He had not, and then I saw that my "butt dial" to the Hungry Luma had gone through, and he had arrived. Oh, so now he arrives fast, but last time had to take his sweet time? Why does the universe hate me? Well, I was out of Star Bits, so if the jerk offended me again, the situation would end up going the way of the punch-fest.

As expected, the Hungry Luma started rambling on again, "Hey you! Yeah you!" I don't even have any Star Bits! The Luma continued, "Got any tasty Star Bits I can – STAR BIT SOUP!"

I shielded my ears against the scream, and both me and Lubba were confused, judging by the latter's facial expression. Then the Hungry Luma zipped right past me and started wolfing down LUBBA'S VOMIT! Oh gosh. I think I threw up in my mouth watching that.

Lubba was equally disgusted (this being someone who crawls around in Starship Mario's gunk-filled nostrils) and threw up more Star Bits, which sprayed all over the Hungry Luma.

"Haha!" the Luma squealed. "Star Bit bath!"

I covered my eyes and heard Lubba throw up twice more (followed by the Hungry Luma chuckling each time), followed by a string of dry heaves.

When I finally heard the Hungry Luma stop eating, I peeked through my gloves to see the Hungry Luma hovering in midair. He said, "That's the stuff! Ohh…so full! I think I'm about to…TRANSFOOOOORM!"

That vomit was the equivalent of 300 Star Bits?! I've gotta find Lubba's Star Bit stash!

The Hungry Luma flew away and exploded into a new galaxy. I stepped onto the helm, dodging leftover puke, and steered towards the new galaxy. When I got close to it, I saw that it was called the Flip-Swap Galaxy. Its icon was a 2x2 square made of alternating red and blue panels. Oh for crying out loud, not these things from Super Mario 3D Land and Super Mario 3D World that change from red to blue whenever I jump. Did I really want to do this? Why not? These things were, if anything, more annoying than dangerous/lose-a-life-inducing. And so I began my ill-fated trip to the Flip-Swap Galaxy.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed the story! As always, please leave a review! Next up: the Flip-Swap Galaxy and a meteor storm on Starship Mario!