Chapter Two:

After Hisashi Shigaraki realized that he'd mistaken a cat for his little brother for the last hundred years, he locked himself in his bedroom. Strangely, only the cat (renamed Yo-chan to distinguish himself from Yoichi Shigaraki) was allowed inside. Five days of sulking later, Hisashi emerged in a manic mood. Storming down to the laboratory, he ordered, "I need you to genetically engineer a pure white cat with green eyes."

Dr. Garaki looked up from his computer. "That would hardly require genetic engineering, master. It's a common eye color in white cats. Why, do you intend to replace your current cat with one that looks more like your brother?"

"Absolutely not!" Hisashi sheltered Yo-chan in his arms. "You're irreplaceable, aren't you, baby?" He kissed the cat's nose. Yo-chan purred.

Dr. Garaki said, "I'd assumed you would want your real brother back, based on your past actions." The doctor's tone held no enthusiasm. Dr. Garaki intensely disliked Yoichi for burning down his lab fifteen times. The cat had been far less trouble.

"Of course I have to take Yoichi back. He belongs to me." Hisashi scowled. "But when I imagine how smug Yoichi will act because of my minor and extremely understandable error—" Hisashi shuddered. His cat rubbed his cheek, trying to comfort him. "He'll claim this proves every lie he ever said about me not understanding him. My foolish little brother will be absolutely insufferable until I prove to him that absolutely anyone would have mistaken him for a sickly white cat."

"Err, you think anyone would have?" Dr. Garaki asked. He'd noticed the cat was not a transformed person within the first week, and he'd assumed the master knew too. Now he was very glad he'd never said anything to give himself away. "Uh, of course they would have. I was completely hoodwinked."

"My brother's foolish friends would have made the exact same mistake in my place." Hisashi's eyes narrowed. "And I'm going to prove it to Yoichi. His next visit is in a week, so find me that cat fast. I don't care if you search every shelter in Japan or create an undead abomination, as long as the cat has completely white fur and green eyes with white pupils."

"Err…the pupils would be harder to arrange," Dr. Garaki admitted.

"Then you'd better get to mad science-ing." Hisashi sneered, and his cat sneered too.

The dining room table was covered in empty plates, with a huge pot in the middle holding leftover beef.

Setting down his chopsticks with a satisfied smile, Yoichi said, "That gyudon was delicious, Sanzou."

"Very good," Kaiji agreed, patting his full belly.

Sanzou smiled. "I brought a treat for dessert." He went to the kitchen, then returned with a round strawberry shortcake.

Yoichi's eyes lit up. "It looks amazing! What's the occasion?"

"Not a celebration, more of a comfort item." Sanzou grimaced. "Since you need to visit All for One in three days."

Yoichi shrugged. "Big brother will be annoying, but I'm used to it at this point. I've done it a hundred times…" His lips moved as he did some mental calculations. "Literally, now."

Once a year, Yoichi visited Hisashi because Hisashi thought the animal transformation quirk should wear off at that frequency. Kaiji had a good friend with a teleportation quirk who got Yoichi and the cat in and out of All for One's mansion. At this point, a descendant of the friend helped them. Yoichi had been slipped an immortality quirk by his older brother many visits ago, and he'd accidentally passed it to Kaiji, who'd later passed it to Sanzou. Hisashi had forcibly given Yoichi several more immortality quirks later, apparently because he'd found a better one each time. Yoichi called it older brother paranoia. After they'd figured out how to pass along One for All without passing every single quirk, they'd adjusted it so that each of them had one immortality quirk. The cat Yoichi must have one as well, given how long he'd lasted. In this manner, Yoichi had successfully tricked his brother into believing he was a cat for a full century.

Shoulders sagging, Yoichi admitted, "I probably shouldn't have gotten a new hair dye job last week. It's only been six weeks since my lip piercing, I hope it's safe to take it out."

Sanzou said, "We could get you a clear piercing. You still have the same wig in the attic, right? All for One has never noticed your wig in the past. Besides, your new hair looks spectacular. You should be proud."

"Do you really think so?" Yoichi asked, twirling a lock of hair. He'd gotten a Green Phoenix: the top of his head had been dyed green and the trailing locks were red, orange, and yellow like a flame. Despite his false modesty, he agreed: it looked spectacular.

Kaiji kissed the top of Yoichi's green head. "Your hair is so hot that you're a pyromaniac, darling."

As Sanzou cut the cake, he said, "Maybe I should have saved the treat for after you get back, to celebrate another day of driving All for One insane. I'll get another cake for your return."

Yoichi grinned as he took a slice of cake. "Oh, I excel at that. Now that you've promised me a reward, I'll have to be even more annoying."

Yoichi ate his strawberry right away, then stared longingly at Kaiji's slice of cake. Noticing, Kaiji flicked his strawberry onto Yoichi's plate. His hand moved lightning-fast, flashing green. Kaiji currently held One for All, though the trio regularly passed it back and forth. Sometimes accidentally.

"Thank you, my hero." Yoichi immediately ate the extra strawberry.

Sanzou laughed. "You're such a simp!"

Taking that as a challenge, Yoichi fixed Sanzou with pleading eyes.

Sanzou recoiled. "Hey, you already got two strawberries."

Yoichi widened his eyes and pouted.

"Next time I'll get extra strawberries to put on the cake, you glutton." Sanzou pushed over his strawberry to Yoichi. His complaining tone couldn't quite hide his small smile.

It wasn't about the strawberries, it was about how the gifts made Yoichi feel loved. Whenever Yoichi had to return to see All for One, his two romantic partners always spoiled him. Yoichi appreciated knowing they would listen to him and let him have whatever he wanted, before he returned to his older brother who would do neither.

In past years, Yoichi had insisted his brother leave him alone during the transformation because he emerged naked. In reality, the transformation was fake and Yoichi needed time to change his clothing. Yoichi emerged from a shimmering silver portal. Usually, he stepped into his brother's bedroom and found a suit laid out on the bed waiting for him to change into. Afterward, Yoichi would put his old clothing and the cat through the portal.

But this year, Yoichi emerged to find Hisashi sitting on the bed staring at him, with a white cat in his arms.

Yoichi tried to bluff. "Big brother, I feel so strange! It's as if I'm astral projecting from my cat body."

"Nice try," Hisashi said dryly. "I know everything, little brother." A glowing rosy light shot out from Hisashi's hand and encased Yoichi, wrapping around his arms a dozen times like ropes. A tether remained attached to Hisashi. "As my revenge, I'm going to turn you into a cat for real." Hisashi threw back his head and laughed in a way clearly stolen from the Demon King live action version.

Bending over as far as he could while bound, Yoichi screamed into the portal, "It's a trap! My brother is about to transform me into a cat!"

Hisashi tossed the white cat in his arms through the portal. Seconds later, the portal snapped closed.

Yoichi gaped at his brother. "Why did you do that? Are you…planning to turn me into a replacement cat?"

Hisashi snorted. "No, but now you told those thieves that you were going to get turned into a cat, they'll believe it. They'll leave with the cat and never try to steal you again. I'm going to prove to you that anyone could have made the same mistake as me."

Yoichi felt a headache coming on. "You're an idiot, big brother. Kaiji and Sanzou would never mistake a cat for me. It's a cat! Not even a quirked animal, just an ordinary one! They've probably already figured it out and they're coming up with a plan to rescue me as we speak."

Sanzou caught the white cat in his arms as it fell out of the portal. The feline howled in fury at being thrown.

With a strangled squawk, Kaiji leapt to the other side of the room. Kaiji was terrified of cats. He plastered himself against the wall, sweating. His eyes darted frantically.

Petting the cat, Sanzou looked into green eyes with white pupils. "Oh, no, Yoichi! All for One must have transformed him right before he managed to escape back through the portal. Are you hurt?" He stroked the cat behind the ears. The cat stopped thrashing and settled down, purring. "I think that's a no."

Kaiji said, "If All for One is in Japan, then we have to get out of here. It was probably a mistake to return to this country." They'd come back and settled in a house in rural Japan because they'd been homesick and it had seemed safe after so many decades without pursuit.

Kaiji sounded dreadfully nervous. Most people would assume it was because of All for One, but from the way Kaiji's gaze kept twitching toward the cat, Sanzou knew it was his ailurophobia. Every time the cat moved, Kaiji flinched away.

Sanzou tapped his finger on his chin. "All for One will pull out all stops to find Yoichi." He looked down at the cat. "We won't let him get you. We'll protect you until we can transform you back."

"I'll start packing. We'll find a way to save you, Yoichi, I promise." Kaiji ran out of the room, carefully not looking at the cat.

As Kaiji leapt through the door, he bumped into Harrison Walsh, his friend with the teleportation quirk. The Australian man had visited them in Japan to create the portal. Harrison was a giant man with naturally orange hair and kangaroo ears. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Everything went wrong." Kaiji ran a hand through his hair. "All for One knows about us. He turned Yoichi into a cat, and Yoichi barely escaped. I'm sorry, I never meant to put you in any danger by asking you for a favor. This should have been safe, we've done it so many times."

"Tough luck, mate. Damn, that brother-in-law of yours has a few roos loose in the top paddock." Harrison peered over Kaiji's head at the cat. "Hey, why don't you three come back to Australia with me? I've got some friends who can arrange a visa fast."

Sanzou said, "They speak English in Australia, that will make it easier for us. I'm in favor."

Harrison said, "There was a villain all over Australian news a few years ago because he turned a bunch of zoo animals into humans. It was a publicity stunt, and he got off lightly. I don't even think he went to jail. If we could track him down then he might be able to help Yoichi."

"Then I definitely vote to go to Australia. Saving Yoichi is our top priority," Kaiji said. The cat meowed. Kaiji hid behind Harrison.

Kneeling down, Sanzou said, "Yoichi, blink once for yes and two for no. Should we go to Australia?"

The cat blinked at the human sticking his face up close.

Sanzou stood up. "Yoichi agrees. Thank you, Harrison."

Kaiji clasped Harrison's shoulder. "Thank you."

"Ah no worries, she'll be apples," Harrison said.

"She?" Sanzou asked.

"It means everything will be all right in Australian slang," Kaiji said.

Sanzou shook his head. "I'm not sure I speak the same English that Australians do."

With a dramatic wave of his hand, Hisashi unleashed a gust of wind and shoved Yoichi into an armchair. Bonds of light fastened his arms and legs to the chair.

Struggling, Yoichi cried, "You'll never get away with this, you fiend."

"Fiend? If you consider me a demon, then at least call me the king of hell." Hisashi laughed. "You never did know when you should give up, foolish little brother."

"I'm never letting you call me a fool again when you couldn't tell the difference between me and a cat." Words that Yoichi had longed to speak for decades overflowed from his lips. "Do you truly have so little respect for my intelligence that you mistook an animal for me? Why am I even asking? Clearly it's true! If you'd ever once given your cat a means of writing then you would have realized the truth, but as soon as you had me prisoner you didn't care to listen to what I had to say. Well, tough! Now you've caught me, I'm going to force you to listen to a monologue about why you suck."

"I didn't miss your whining, that's true. But I started missing your voice after a hundred or so years. That's why I went to turn you back and discovered your foul deception."

Yoichi growled, "Contact once every year is enough for both of us. Or maybe we should make it once every couple years."

"Nonsense, as if you could survive without me."

"I've survived without you for a century! Reason number one why you suck: you take credit for my accomplishments. Reason number two: you refuse to accept that I'm an adult despite making me immortal against my will."

Rolling his eyes, Hisashi opened his bedroom door. A white cat leapt into his arms. Rubbing under the cat's chin, Hisashi crooned, "Did you miss me, Yo-chan? I missed you, too! Even being apart from you for a few seconds pains me."

Yoichi was surprised out of his lecture. "Huh?"

Hisashi turned around. "Don't you dare complain about me naming my cat after you, that's all your own fault for tricking me into thinking you turned into a cat."

"No, that's not what I meant." Yoichi frowned. "Didn't you just throw your cat through the portal?"

"Of course not!" Hisashi recoiled. "I would never, ever let those brother thieves take my beloved Yo-chan too. I gave them a different white cat with green eyes and white pupils. Interestingly my doctor found a cat with naturally white pupils, but there didn't appear to be anything else quirked about the creature."

Unfortunately, with such unusual eyes might take Kaiji and Sanzou longer to figure out the swap. Yoichi hoped it wouldn't take too long. Even thirty seconds in his older brother's presence had already pushed his nerves to their breaking point.

"Are you pouting, little brother?" Hisashi laughed. "Are you jealous of all the affection Yo-chan is getting?"

"Absolutely not." Yoichi glared coldly.

Hisashi leaned over. "That looks like a pout to me. Aw, I'll give you a hug too." Hisashi set his cat down and hugged his brother. Yoichi hissed, struggled, and twisted his neck, trying to bite his brother's ear.

Frowning, Hisashi asked, "Is there something stuck to your lip?"

"Hey, don't grab that—ow!" Yoichi wailed in pain as his brother yanked on his clear plastic lip piercing.

Hisashi gasped. "Little brother, how did you injure yourself?"

"It's not an injury, it's a piercing." Yoichi huffed, caught. "I replaced it with a clear one before coming to see you."

"You pierced your lip?!" Hisashi swayed as if he might faint. "What else did you do to mutilate your body while I wasn't there to stop you?"

Yoichi rolled his eyes. "Jeez, do you think you own my body?" To the cat, he asked, "How did you stand him so long?"

The cat yawned and rubbed against the chair leg.

"I hope you regularly piss in his shoes," Yoichi said. "If you don't at least rip up his nice suits then there'd be no justification at all for mistaking you for me."

Hisashi ran his fingers over Yoichi's ears. "More piercings! This is outrageous! Surely you wouldn't have…" Hisashi touched Yoichi's nose. "Oh, no!"

"You should see my penis piercing," Yoichi said cheerfully.

Hisashi stared, assessing if his little brother was bluffing. Yoichi smirked in response. This was a bluff, but Yoichi knew his brother would never check.

Groaning low in his throat, Hisashi said, "Without my guidance, you've become a juvenile delinquent. That spikey hair has led you down the wrong path."

"Juvenile? I'm over a century old, thanks to you." Yoichi raised his eyes to the ceiling. "You're the head of Japan's criminal underworld, yet you think it's a crime that I got a few piercings and tattoos. I'll never understand what goes on in your comic books-obsessed head."

"Tattoos?" Hisashi shrieked.

Yoichi winced. "Oops."

Hisashi yanked up Yoichi's sleeve, seeing the bandages. He tore them off. Upon seeing a tattoo of a white tiger, he gasped.

Yoichi winked. "Come on, you have to admit it looks cool."

Hisashi put his hands on his brother's shoulders and met his eyes. "Little brother, tattoos are permanent. You shouldn't have made such a serious decision at your age."

Yoichi groaned. "Please, big brother, stop treating me like a child! I know that tattoos are permanent! Your eternal patronization is even more permanent!"

"Please don't tell me you have more."

"Um…" Yoichi accidentally glanced down at his ankle where he'd added his newest tattoo.

Hisashi moaned as he pulled off the bandage. "A Captain Hero tattoo? Really?"

"I'm surprised you don't have a Demon King tattoo. Though then we'd be matching." Yoichi's nose wrinkled. "That would be awful."

Hisashi yanked up Yoichi's other sleeve. His left shoulder had a lover's tattoo with Kaiji and Sanzou's names in red string. Hisashi gasped.

"You should see the tattoo on my dick," Yoichi said, wagging his eyebrows. "It's far more risqué."

Hisashi gulped. "Little brother, I'm very concerned that those two brother thieves might have taken advantage of your innocence—"

"Yeah, we have sex," Yoichi said. "Frequently, enthusiastically, and consensually. We've been tossing around the quirk you gave me like a ping pong ball. Did you think I'd been chaste for the last ten decades, you controlling lunatic?"

Looking away, Hisashi pulled out his phone. "I'm going to find out how to remove tattoos."

"Don't you dare!" Yoichi struggled against his quirked bonds. "I love my tattoos! They were expensive! I'll never forgive you!" His movements jostled his wig.

"Oh, no, your poor hair!" Hisashi ripped off Yoichi's wig. Yoichi cried out in pain as the hairpins yanked out some of his hair. Hisashi swore under his breath upon seeing the Green Phoenix look. "What have you done to yourself?"

"For your information, everyone else thinks my hair looks cool," Yoichi said.

Hisashi put a hand to his forehead and collapsed backward onto his bed. His cat leapt up and licked his hand to comfort him. Hisashi muttered, "My precious baby brother always had the cutest hair. I used to spend hours washing and blow-drying and combing out his beautiful white locks. Everyone we met said that we must be brothers because we had the same white hair. I was as proud of that hair as if it was my own, which it basically was because I brought all the expensive shampoo and conditioner. Now it's ruined…my precious Yoichi's hair is ruined…"

Yoichi sighed. This had gone from funny to sad. His boyfriends had better be coming up with a plan to rescue him right now.

Sanzou ran a scanner over cat Yoichi. "No tracking devices. All for One must not have had time to add one."

"That's good news," Kaiji said from the other side of the room. "We should still get out of here fast. Let's hire movers to ship anything we can't fit into a suitcase." Slowly, Kaiji walked toward the cat. His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped.

Sanzou said, "You don't have to force yourself. I'm sure Yoichi understands. We both know how deep your fear of cats runs." The cat inclined his head, which seemed like agreement.

Kaiji was afraid of cats because he'd been attacked by a stray cat while living on the streets as a child. Both Yoichi and Sanzou had always wanted a pet cat, but they'd refrained because of Kaiji's phobia.

Wiping sweat off his forehead, Kaiji said, "I'm fine, because the cat is actually Yoichi. And Yoichi would never attack me." Kaiji knelt down. Slowly, as if placing his hand on a hot fire, he lowered his hand onto the cat's back.

Sanzou suggested, "You should stroke his back."

Kaiji petted. The cat purred. Kaiji's face melted. "Aw."

Sanzou brought out a cat carrier. "Harrison got this at the pet store. He can teleport us to Australia but we have to go through customs or we'll get him in trouble. Sorry, Yoichi, but it will only be for a little bit."

The cat looked at the carrier, then walked away, tail swishing.

Kaiji said, "Come on, Sanzou, you know Yoichi doesn't like being confined." Protectively, he moved in front of the cat.

It was the first time Kaiji had gotten closer to the cat without fear, but it was also a nuisance. Sanzou rubbed his forehead. "I know, but it's either a few hours in the carrier or a lifetime in the vault. Come on, Yoichi, just think of how annoyed All for One would be about you escaping Japan. Do it to piss off your brother."

The cat leapt up on the table and knocked over a candle.

Sanzou ran to put out the flame. Kaiji laughed uproariously. "That's Yoichi, all right! Pyromania is always the answer!"

The cat darted behind a chair and hissed.

Kneeling down, Sanzou asked the cat, "What do you want to do? Do you not want to go to Australia? I thought you agree when we came up with the plan."

Googling on his phone, Kaiji said, "It says online that we should put down a blanket or a pillow in the carrier."

Sanzou left to fetch a pillow. When he returned, the cat was pawing at the fridge. Slapping his forehead, Sanzou said, "Of course, Yoichi must be hungry! He wants a meal before we leave. Sorry, Yoichi. We'll rig up a better way for you to communicate with us after we flee the country."

"What can cats eat?" Kaiji googled on his phone. "We'll find something delicious for you, Yoichi."

After a meal of milk and leftover chicken, the cat crawled into the carrier and went to sleep on the pillow.

Using a quirk, Hisashi floated Yoichi's chair into an adjacent room. A skylight overhead let in early rays of morning sun. The room was filled with cat towers, cat scratchers, and a dozen cat beds made of the finest silk. Cat toys spread across the carpet as tripping hazards. The back wall had a widescreen TV. Looking around, Yoichi grumbled, "Why did the cat get such a nicer prison than me?"

"Because he's cuter than you, especially now you have those nasty piercings and tattoos." Hisashi kissed his cat's nose. Sitting down, Hisashi took out his laptop.

Struggling against his bonds, Yoichi complained, "Now I have to watch you commit crimes?"

"I'm not letting you out of my sight, you little escape artist." Hisashi petted his cat's head. "And your presence always comforts me, my treasure." Yo-chan purred. Hisashi rewarded his pet with more kisses. Glancing at his bound little brother, Hisashi said, "This could have been you, if you'd been a little more cooperative and lovable."

Yoichi sneered. "You mean you would have taken away all my human rights and treated me like a pet? I already knew that. That's the entire reason I fled from you."

"You're just jealous," Hisashi sniffed.

Deadpan, Yoichi said, "Then you should punish me by letting me go."

Loudly, Hisashi said, "I brought some of your favorite salmon, Yo-chan." He pulled out a can from thin air using a quirk, then opened the can by growing one of his fingernails into a knife. The cat immediately devoured the salmon. Raising an eyebrow, Hisashi said, "Isn't salmon your favorite fish too, little brother? Another thing you have in common."

"I don't eat it out of the can," Yoichi said.

"I could prepare you a fancy salmon dinner if you'd be a little nicer to me."

Yoichi sneered. "I don't expect I'll be here very long. My heroes will be along to rescue me any second now because they're not dumb enough to mistake a cat for me."

Loudly, Hisashi said, "You're like the brother I never had, Yo-chan."

Yoichi snorted. "That's pathetic. You're pathetic."

While his cat finished his meal, Hisashi opened his laptop and started typing. Yoichi took this as a chance to escape while his brother wasn't looking. Yoichi wriggled, getting one arm free of the glowing ties. Fortunately he'd trained under an escape artist magician. Slowly, he squirmed out, landing lightly on the floor. The sound did not alert Hisashi, who was busy typing. But the cat looked up.

Yo-chan grew into triple his usual size. As the cat leapt, his paws flashed purple.

Yoichi's back hit the carpet. As soon as the glowing paw touched him, he was paralyzed. A yelp slipped out of his mouth.

Hisashi looked up. "Aw, what a good kitty! My foolish little brother, you never would have made it past the door. I have security." Yo-chan shrank back down to his usual size to let Hisashi pet him.

"Suck up," Yoichi grumbled, glaring at the cat. "Why can't I move?"

As Hisashi floated his paralyzed brother back into his chair, he explained, "I gave Yo-chan many quirks to protect himself, including one to let him freeze enemies in place."

Yoichi gasped. "You gave the cat a better quirk than me?"

Hisashi smirked. "Heh, now you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous, I'm appalled," Yoichi snarled. He burned with fury that the cat had gotten strength, size, and poison when Yoichi had just gotten a lame stockpiling ability. "How could you let a cat have powerful quirks? He can't possibly have the brain to use them responsibly."

Hisashi shrugged. "I'm a villain, what do I care? I thought the cat was you, so I assumed he had even less responsibility than an unintelligent animal."

"Oh, screw you." Yoichi tried his hardest to move, but his body only tingled in response.

The cat yawned and puffed out fire.

"You gave a cat my beloved fire breath quirk?" Yoichi shrieked. "I begged you for a fire quirk since I was young child! You always said it was too dangerous!"

Hisashi shrugged. "Yo-chan agreed to join my side, unlike you, traitor."

"He's a cat! He didn't agree to anything. He doesn't know that you're a villain."

"You could have ruled by my side, but instead you ran off to get tattoos and get taken advantage of by my enemies."

"Stop harping on my tattoos and my boyfriends. For your information, we love each other. They'll be along to rescue me." Yoichi glanced at the clock on the wall. "Any second now."

Hisashi typed some more on his computer. Yoichi started singing off-key. Looking up, Hisashi said, "Just so you know, you're not interrupting my business. You're distracting me from my charitable donations."

Sheer surprise made Yoichi stop singing.

Hisashi turned his computer screen to face his cat. "Yo-chan, should we donate ten million yen or a hundred million yen to animal shelters?"

Yo-chan stepped on the keyboard.

Hisashi smiled. "A hundred million yen it is, then. How much should we give to saving tigers?"

"What the hell," Yoichi hissed. He would have believed it was a joke, except the screen was tilted so he could see the charitable donation. "For years, I begged you to donate even a tiny fraction of your fortune to charity. I got down on my knees and asked you to give just a little of your vast wealth to helping others. You laughed in my face. I even created a document explaining all the tax benefits. But you said you'd rather give your money to a respectable evil organization like tax collectors!"

Hisashi shrugged. "My motives are selfish. It's because whenever I look at my precious, adorable Yo-chan I can't bear to think of cats suffering."

"Now you have empathy?!" Yoichi shrieked.

"Only for animals," Hisashi said as if that made it better.

Yoichi thrashed, trying to break out of his paralysis, but only succeeding in rocking minutely. "Please tell me that you're doing this to torment me. You're only pretending to give to charity because you want to rub it in my face that you respect and listen to a cat more than me. If so, then it's working! I hate you and I hate your stupid cat too!"

Hisashi gasped and put his hands over the cat's ears. "Insulting me is one thing, but how dare you call Yo-chan names? He's part of the family, which makes him either your little brother or your nephew. I haven't decided yet."

"I'm not related to a cat!" Yoichi howled, struggling harder. "Why don't you disown me and make the cat your new brother?"

In a patronizing tone, Hisashi said, "There's no need to be jealous. I love you and Yo-chan equally."

"I hate you both equally!" Yoichi screamed.

Gasping, Hisashi placed a hand over his heart. "It's one thing to act like that toward me, but I won't tolerate such cruelty toward Yo-chan." Whipping out his phone, Hisashi dialed. He spoke into the phone: "Dr. Fukuma, this is an emergency. I got a new pet cat, and he doesn't get along with Yo-chan. Yes, I introduced them right away. Hmm, a pet gate between them? I can do that. I see, I see. Thank you. I'll drop off the consultation fee in your usual account."

"Who are you calling a cat?" Yoichi growled. "I'm a human! And who was that? Did you replace your mad scientist doctor?"

Hisashi hung up. "Dr. Fukuma is a vet, and she knows nothing about my business. Her advice about Yo-chan has been so invaluable that I made her immortal. She still thinks she got hit by a strange quirk half a century ago. She's the only living person I respect."

"Now you have friends?!" Yoichi shrieked. "Who are you and what have you done with my brother?"

When Sanzou entered the bedroom, Kaiji lay on top of the pale green comforter, staring intently at his phone. From the frown on the scarred face, Sanzou thought that Kaiji might be watching a disturbing news report. Then a long "Meooooooooooow" came from the phone. Kaiji shuddered.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Sanzou asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to overcome my fear of cats." Kaiji's forehead wrinkled. "If I watch enough funny cat videos, hopefully I can desensitize myself. Where's Yoichi?"

"Still hiding under the couch," Sanzou reported glumly. It was very strange. Yoichi had seemed to go into the cat carrier voluntarily, but when they'd let him out, he'd been very temperamental. Sanzou understood why. Yoichi hated tight and enclosed spaces. However, Yoichi had remained hiding for hours now. Sanzou had cooked an elaborate salmon meal, considering that Yoichi deserved it with everyone he'd been through. But even his favorite fish hadn't lured Yoichi out from under the sofa.

Kaiji slapped his forehead. "I should be helping Yoichi right now! He needs me to comfort him and chase away bad memories of the vault. He must be angry at me for failing him. Aargh! I feel pathetic." On the screen, a kitten attacked the fluffy white socks of the person filming. Kaiji screamed and threw his phone in the air. Clutching at his heart, he demanded, "They post such violent videos on YouTube?"

Sanzou said, "Don't push yourself."

"No, I can do this. I must do this." Kaiji paced on the carpet, muttering, "Don't catastrophize. It's very unlikely the scratch would get infected. Plenty of people interact with cats without getting attacked. I bet cats don't even attack feet very often."

Yoichi crept into the room, slipping through the open door. His white butt wiggled in the air.

"Stop!" Sanzou cried.

The cat pounced, little fangs sinking into Kaiji's bare ankle. Kaiji screamed and fell backward.

"Yoichi, no!" Sanzou cried. He ran forward and lifted the cat out of the room. Then he knelt down next to Kaiji. "Did you hit your head?"

Kaiji sat up. His eyes had a peculiar blankness. "I just saw hell."

"Should I call a doctor?"

"I saw hell and returned!" Kaiji leapt up. "The very worst happened, and I survived! I no longer fear anything! See, my ankle isn't even bleeding." Kaiji ran out of the room. He knelt down in front of the cat. "That's what you were trying to show me, right, Yoichi? That being bitten by a cat wasn't so scary? It worked! I'm cured now!"

Yoichi's ears flattened as he watched the loud human warily.

Hesitantly, Kaiji reached out a hand. Yoichi sniffed it, then rubbed against the palm. Kaiji beamed. "So soft! And fluffy! I'm a cat-lover now!"

Hisashi wrinkled his nose. "Ew, this bank vault is dusty. You've been so well-behaved that I haven't stuck you in here for decades. Oops, that was Yo-chan."

"You don't have to put me in here now," Yoichi growled, glaring to disguise his unease. Even after so long, this place invoked a primal fear in him.

Cheerfully, Hisashi said, "No choice! It's doctor's orders to keep you two separated for a while."

"She's a vet, she thinks I'm a cat, and I really doubt that she mentioned bank vaults!"

Hisashi dropped on the floor a flopping battery-powered fish, a turnable roller with balls, a spring, and a rainbow wand. "Dr. Fukuma suggested that I leave you with some toys. I brought a water bottle, too."

Yoichi wriggled, feeling a little movement back in his arms. He didn't let on. "What's even the purpose of this? I can't completely tell if you're deluded or mocking me."

"And here's a printout of my two hundred thousand word Captain Hero fanfiction. Spoiler alert: the Demon King wins." Hisashi set down the heavy stack of papers with a thud. "It's this or the cat toys. Pick your poison, little brother."

Fury gave Yoichi's arms strength. Hisashi escaped out the vault door just in time to avoid being brained by his own fanfiction.

Sanzou looked at the cat batting around blocks across the carpet. "Yoichi, what's wrong? Are you still angry at us about the cat carrier?"

Yoichi had continued to behave strangely for two days now. Whenever they talked about searching for the villain who could turn animals into humans, Yoichi seemed oddly uninterested in the topic. When they told him to blink once for yes and twice for no, he often didn't blink at all. Kaiji and Sanzou had gotten alphabet blocks so Yoichi could write messages to communicate with them. Instead, Yoichi was currently batting the blocks across the carpet.

"Are we getting the silent treatment?" Sanzou muttered. At first he'd assumed Yoichi was too angry to talk, but this had gone on too long to make any sense. Yoichi didn't seem unhappy, he seemed to be having fun with the infantile game. Maybe Yoichi was being influenced by the quirk to become more animalistic? The original quirk from a century ago wouldn't have done that, but All for One had probably found a different quirk to use this time. Poor Yoichi, his ordeal would be even worse if he was losing his human mind.

But this theory did not completely erase Sanzou's sense of unease. He still couldn't get over Yoichi attacking Kaiji's feet. Kaiji had justified it as an attempt to help him overcome his fears, but realistically that probably shouldn't have gone as well as it had. Exploiting a phobia like that was cruel. And Yoichi could be petty but he didn't have a cruel bone in his body. No matter how he turned it around in his mind, Sanzou just couldn't imagine Yoichi ever deliberately and knowingly hitting Kaiji in his greatest weakness.

Kaiji rushed into the room, his arms overflowing with cat toys. "Is Yoichi still upset? I asked the pet shop employees to give me absolutely everything that makes cats happy." As he dropped to his knees, toys spilled from his arms.

The cat looked up. Kaiji got out a wand with a plastic dragonfly dangling from the end and held it out. "Is this working? Does this make you stop being angry at me?" The cat leapt at the toy.

"Aw, adorable," Kaiji breathed, mesmerized. "I never knew cats could be so cute. Obviously it's because it's you, Yoichi. You're the only cat that I adore."

Abandoning the dragonfly, Yoichi pounced on a mouse stuffed with catnip and batted it around. Kaiji threw the mouse, and Yoichi sprang after. "You're so good at this!" Kaiji cried. The cat rubbed against his cheek. Kaiji was nearly weeping from joy. "Who's the most perfect cat in the entire universe? Yes, you, Yoichi!"

Sanzou said, "Uhhhhh, Kaiji? I'm not sure that cat is Yoichi."

Kaiji looked up. "But they have the exact same eyes."

"If All for One planned this long enough, he could have found or created a cat with green eyes and white pupils."

"You're being ridiculous. Yoichi is still acting just like Yoichi." Kaiji bent over. "Do you want a bath with the new conditioner I got you?" The cat did not react. "Then I'll feed you your favorite salmon." The cat's ears perked up. Kaiji frowned, "Wait, you may have a point. He reacted to food but not hair care products?"

Sanzou crouched down and petted the cat. In a very gentle baby voice, he said, "Yoichi, I've always secretly thought that your hair is ugly. It looks like a bird nest stappled to your scalp. You should shave your head. I bet you'd look better bald."

The cat, reacting to the tone of voice but not the words, purred happily.

Sanzou and Kaiji exchanged glances. Kaiji said, "That cat is not Yoichi."

Paling, Sanzou cried, "All for One has the real Yoichi!"

Sitting curled up in the vault, Yoichi glared at the metal walls. Hisashi claimed the vault was Yoichi's "base camp." Over the past couple days, Hisashi would leave Yoichi in here while cat Yo-chan explored the house, then let Yoichi out and drag him around the house a bit while Yo-chan was away. The nutjob claimed this was so they could grow accustomed to each other's scents. Next Hisashi planned to put them in adjacent rooms with a pet gate between them so they could get used to seeing each other. Yoichi hadn't even bothered to point out that his brother was completely insane. He knew by now it would do no good. Nor had Yoichi pointed out the unfairness of him getting a bank vault when the cat got a sunroom. Hisashi would only enjoy hearing that he'd gotten to his little brother.

The horror of the bank vault barely even registered compared to Yoichi's anger at his hair. He clutched at his head, feeling the split ends. His horrible, evil, spiteful big brother had dyed his hair white against his will! Even though Yoichi had begged and pleaded! The white color had not been able to completely cover the darker ones recently added, giving Yoichi's hair the dreaded "halo effect" where darker bands ran throughout the white hair. Even worse, Yoichi's hair was dull, frizzy, and dry. Yoichi gasped when a bit of his hair fell out in his hand. Then he went back to clutching his head and rocking back and forth. This was an outrage! Yoichi would have his revenge!

At least there hadn't yet been time to remove his tattoos. Hisashi had decided that needle removal looked too torturous for his weak baby brother, then gone off to harry Dr. Garaki about inventing a swift and painless method for removing tattoos. Yoichi's heroes had damn well better rescue him before that.

Contrary to what his stupid brother thought, Yoichi was not jealous of a cat for being treated like a cat. He'd been jealous that the cat had done a better job of turning his big brother into a halfway decent human being. However, Hisashi's current actions proved that he'd gotten along better with the cat because he'd always seen Yoichi as a pet, therefore an actual animal did a better job of fulfilling that role. This realization allowed Yoichi to calm down. The fault had not been with him, it was with his older brother's ridiculous delusions. Now Yoichi had moved past being angry at an innocent cat to being angry at his lovers for not showing up to rescue him already.

"My brother is gone! This is the perfect opportunity, my heroes!" Yoichi screamed, his voice bouncing off the metal walls. "Please, I can't take much more of this torture! I need hair conditioner, ASAP!"

A silver portal opened in the air. Kaiji and Sanzou stepped out. Looking around, Kaiji said, "Damn, another bank vault? Your brother is a crazy bastard. At least I get to bust you out of a vault twice." He grinned.

Yoichi ran forward and pulled both of his partners into a group hug. "My hair…my precious hair…" he sobbed.

Sanzou patted his back. "It's okay. We'll find the best hair stylist in Australia to fix this. Remember, hair grows back."

Kaiji explained, "We've moved to Australia. Harrison opened the portal for us, let's hurry."

Yoichi released them. "I have one more thing to do first. Where's Harrison?" He peered through the portal.

Looking up from his copy of RUSSH Magazine, Harrison waved from the couch. "Happy to help, mate."

Hisashi stood in his laboratory, looking at a Nomu floating in a tank. "Hmm, Yo-chan, which one do you want as a bodyguard? I'll give the other one to Yoichi to keep him out of trouble."

Yo-chan purred and nuzzled his hand.

A silver portal appeared in the air. Yoichi stuck his head through and shouted, "It took my boyfriends only three days to notice! You didn't notice for a century! I was right, neener-neener!"

Then Yoichi blasted a flamethrower through the portal, using the fanfiction as kindling. The fire hit a mixture of volatile chemicals.

"My lab!" Dr. Garaki wailed as the fire spread.

Yoichi emerged from the portal in a house in Australia. Kaiji laughed. "You got All for One good, darling."

Glaring, Yoichi said, "I'm still angry at you. How could you take three whole days to realize that cat wasn't me?" Just because he'd put on a pretense in front of his brother didn't mean he wasn't bothered.

Kaiji winced. "In our defense, we spent a lot of time packing up and running away from All for One. I'm sure we would have realized that Yuuto was a fake sooner if we'd had time to try to communicate with him."

"Yuuto?" Yoichi asked.

Sanzou entered, carrying a white cat with green eyes in his arms. He stroked the cat's head. "We decided to name him Yuuto."

Yoichi glanced sideways. "Kaiji, are you okay?"

Kaiji stepped forward and petting under the cat's chin. "Who's a good kitty?" Yuuto purred.

Yoichi gasped. "Kaiji, you're no longer scared of cats?"

Kaiji scratched his head. "I'm not completely over my fear, but Yuuto doesn't bother me. At first I felt a bit better around him because I thought he was you. Then by the time I learned otherwise, I'd grown comfortable around him. He's a lovely one." He petted the cat's head, earning more purrs.

Sanzou said, "We thought we'd keep him, since he's the only cat Kaiji doesn't fear and he needs a home. We're both very fond of him."

"What wonderful news!" Yoichi beamed. He scratched under the cat's chin. "Aw, look, his eyes are just like mine. No wonder you two were temporarily fooled. I forgive you. I've always wanted a cat, you know."

"We know." Kaiji grinned. "You deserve a gift after putting up with your horrible brother for three days."

Yoichi kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you."

Kaiji tipped Yoichi backwards and kissed him on the mouth. "I'm glad you're home."

Breathless, Yoichi laughed and threw his arms around Kaiji. Dragging Sanzou into the hug, Yoichi kissed his other lover, too. "I'm glad to be home."

Half an hour later, Yoichi stepped into the living room and adjusted his felt cap. "How does my hair look? The hat hides the worst of the halo. I think the hair oil helped with the dryness."

Yuuto yawned and stretched. Kaiji leaned over, entranced. "Aw! What amazing toe beans!"

"Kaiji?" Yoichi demanded.

Without looking up, Kaiji said, "Your hair looks perfect."

"You're not even looking." Yoichi crossed his arms.

"Because your hair always looks perfect, dear," Kaiji said.

Normally Yoichi liked hearing that, but now it felt like a brushoff. Irritation nagged at him like a gadfly. "Hey, is the cat sitting on my spot on the sofa?"

"Oh?" Kaiji looked over. "Yeah, he got used to sitting there when we thought he was you."

Yoichi tapped his foot on the ground. No one moved the cat for him. There was even cat hair all over his side of the sofa. Annoyed, Yoichi plopped himself down on Kaiji's lap.

Smiling, Kaiji put his arms around Yoichi. "What would you like to watch on the TV?"

"Whatever," Yoichi grumbled.

Kaiji picked up a cat toy and dangled it over Yuuto's head. The cat pounced. Kaiji laughed. "I could do this all day. You were right, cats are wonderful."

"Uh-huh. Look, I thought we were going to watch TV." Yoichi reached for the remote and switched it on. Kaiji kept playing with the cat and not paying attention.

After dinner, Sanzou brought out a strawberry shortcake. "It's to celebrate your return and our new family member."

"Aw, you know just what I like." Yoichi smiled as he took a slice of cake.

Sitting under the table, Yuuto made pleading eyes. Kaiji flipped the strawberry off his cake onto the floor. The cat immediately pounced on the food.

"Hey!" Yoichi shrieked, leaping to his feet. The last thread holding his temper in check snapped. "That was my strawberry!"

Kaiji blinked. "Actually, it was my strawberry."

"You know what I mean!" Yoichi's hands clenched. "You always give me the strawberry."

Pushing back his chair, Sanzou stood up. "I brought extra strawberries. I'll get the carton." He stepped into the kitchen.

"That's not the point!" Tears filled Yoichi's eyes. "I didn't escape my evil brother just for you to love a cat more than me too!" He sniffled, barely holding back sobs. He knew he was being ridiculous but he couldn't help himself.

Kaiji rubbed his forehead. "Ugh, so this is about your brother as usual."

"No, it's about you treating me badly all day!" Yoichi waved his hands. "Stop looking at me like I'm being irrational! Maybe I am being irrational, I don't care, that doesn't excuse you fawning all over the cat you didn't even want…the cat you used to replace me." Yoichi's sadness boiled over into anger. He stormed into the bedroom and fetched a pillow and a blanket. "I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

Kaiji trailed after him, saying, "No, babe, you don't have to sleep on the couch, I'm sorry. You're not replaceable by a cat. You've got way better hair—I should have seen the difference between your hair right away."

Yoichi glared at the sofa where a cat sat in his usual spot. Maintaining eye contact, Yuuto licked his paw. Yoichi growled, "Get off."

Tail sticking straight up, Yuuto hissed.

Yoichi growled in return. His fingers clenched like claws.

Stepping into the room, Sanzou laughed. "Whoa, you two look like mirror images of each other! You have the exact same look of disdain in your eyes. Really now, Yoichi, you can't blame us for mistaking a cat for you when you act just like a cat." Sanzou stopped talking as he saw Kaiji hopping up and down and zipping his lips in a universal plea for silence.

Seconds later, a pillow hit Sanzou's face. The blanket hit Kaiji.

The olive green deep seat sofa was big, but not large enough to easily fit two people. Kaiji and Sanzou ended up smooshed uncomfortably together as they spooned.

From the little spoon position, Kaiji grumbled, "You just had to open your big mouth."

Sanzou said, "Don't act like you hadn't been pissing him off all day."

Kaiji sighed. "Do you think it's too soon to knock on the bedroom door and grovel for forgiveness?"

"Give him until tomorrow morning to calm down. You know how Yoichi forgets most petty grudges after a good night's sleep." Sanzou shifted. "Get off my leg, you're giving me pins and needles."

Moving, Kaiji complained, "I just don't understand why he let only the cat into the bedroom."

The custom-made clawfoot bed was giant enough for three people, but currently only had one person and a white cat. With his head propped up against his elbow, Yoichi stroked Yuuto's back. "It's just you and me from now on. No more men for me, only cats."

Yuuto snorted.

"Yeah, I know, I'll forgive them tomorrow if they grovel enough." Yoichi scratched behind Yuuto's ears. "In the meantime, you have a very important task to help me with, my feline comrade. You're going to get cat hair all over Kaiji and Sanzou's side of the bed."

Yoichi's evil laughter drifted off into the night.

OMAKE TIME!

Omake: Guess the Fic Reference

Yoichi: You'll take time off work to spend with a cat, but not me?

Hisashi: Back in the day, I took loads of time off work for you.

Yoichi: Lies!

Hisashi: Then you tricked me into going on a hike and ditched me. My precious Yo-chan never abandoned me like that. Yo-chan, want to help me with my work? Put your right paw down if I should kill this guy, paws up if I should give him another chance to repay his debt.

Yoichi: You let the cat help you make business decisions?

Hisashi: Yo-chan says he can live, lucky man.

Yoichi: You spare people's lives for your cat? You never did that for me!

#

Omake: The Hair Dye Incident

Hisashi: Stop struggling! I swear, little brother, you're harder to make take a bath than the real cat.

Yoichi: My hair dye won't wash out, you crazy bastard.

Hisashi: Fine then, where's the bleach?

Yoichi: NOOOOOOOOOO!

#

Omake: The Eternal Question

Yoichi: Who do you love more, me or the cat?

Kaiji: Of course I love you more!

Yoichi: Hmm…you didn't answer fast enough.

Kaiji: What do you want from me? Expensive new jewelry for your piercings? Hair care products? Strawberries? I'll give you anything, please let me off the couch!

#

Omake: How Second Got His Scar Version One

Hisashi: Why is my brother jealous when the spikey-haired fool dotes on a cat, but he acted indifferent when I did it?

Kaiji: Because Yoichi loves me and hates you.

Hisashi: I'll kill you, you insignificant insect!

Kaiji: (Returns home with a scar across his face.) Totally worth it.

#

Omake: How Second Got His Scar Version Two

Yoichi: What happened to your face?

Kaiji: Did you know that your brother's cat can grow to the size of a tiger?

Yoichi: Big brother always did want his own white tiger.

Kaiji: I'm scared of cats again.

#

Omake: Fukuma's Blog

Sanzou: I'm happy that Yoichi and Yuuto have finally bonded. They love each other now! Our family is repaired.

Kaiji: Don't tell Yoichi, but I've been reading the advice of a famous veterinarian named Dr. Fukuma. It's been a big help. Now I understand why the strawberry was such a big deal—cats get very territorial about food. She has great tips on how to help a pair of cats become used to each other. They worked on Yoichi despite him being technically human. Not that I'd ever tell him that.

Sanzou: Uh…

Kaiji: He's standing right behind me, isn't he?

Yoichi: (Pulling out a flamethrower) Could a cat without opposable thumbs do this? Flame on!

#

Omake: Mission Accomplished

Hisashi: My plan worked perfectly. I separated Yoichi from the brother thieves.

Kaiji: For one night.

Hisashi: MY PLAN WORKED PERFECTLY.

#

Omake: The Reconciliation

Kaiji: I finally found the perfect apology present. Yoichi, here's the location of one of your brother's warehouses. Want to burn it down?

Yoichi: Aw, you know just what I want! Flame on!

Author's Note: Another surprise update to a completed fics! Also, if you haven't already seen it, chapter one has some new art of pink-haired Yoichi at:
aimportantdragoncollector.
tumblr.
com/
post/690963520147357696/check-out-this-amazing-art-by-spks-also

Speaking of presents for Friday the 13th, I'm currently publishing a collaboration with Space_Cryptid on Archive of Our Own if you want more Yoichi and All for One content with beautiful cover art and platonic hanahaki disease.

Title: Perennial Bloom

Summary: Love was always destined to kill at least one of the Shigaraki brothers.