A/N: I had originally planned on posting the entirety of "Gobblegut's Aching Belly" in this batch of chapters, but I don't think I'd have time to do that and get it up before the holidays like I want to. So instead I wrapped up this little gift for you: an interlude from Bowser Jr.'s perspective.
Interlude: Why Super Mario Galaxy 2 Sucks
Hey, it's your favorite spoiled prince Bowser Jr. here! Only, I haven't been feeling too spoiled lately. According to my secret sources in Dad's inner circle, I'll only be getting twenty Christmas presents this year! Well, I guess that's what happens when you throw all your money at a new plot to kidnap Peach and stop Mario from saving her, like Dad just did again. This is the most expensive plot he's ever created; according to the same secret sources, all in all it cost about $20.6 trillion Koopa dollars.
At first the new galaxies looked promising, but then we ended up prematurely running out of funds. Sure, the first several worlds look fine, but then things started to fall apart at the end of World 5.
When building the Shiverburn Galaxy, Dad had to put so much money into climate-controlling it that we had very little left over for buying a plot of space, and we ended up buying the cheapest available plot. This placed the Shiverburn in the middle of the Cursed Galactic Canyon where these monsters called the Hellvalleyskytrees dwell. Very few of our minions dare to set foot there.
Then in World 6, the second mission of the Melty Monster Galaxy was supposed to have an entire fortress made of lava that Mario would have to infiltrate before fighting the Melty Monster King at the top. But apparently at that time the cost of lava was rising, so the concept for the second mission ended up on the cutting room floor, replaced by a lame path of steel platforms left over from building the Chompworks Galaxy.
And from there it only got worse, because then entire galaxies started getting the short end of the stick. Take the Clockwork Ruins Galaxy. The original name was the Clockwork Cogs Galaxy, and it was supposed to have a bunch of fire cogs and fireballs and stuff crossed with something like Tick Tock Clock from Super Mario 64. But then a bunch of our Clockwork Cogs money got wasted calling in an exterminator to get rid of a bunch of plague-ridden Scaredy Rats menacing the Construction Koopas at work in the Flash Black Galaxy. So the Clockwork Ruins ended up only half-finished, forcing us to change the name and spray-paint moss all over it so it would look like an actual ruins site.
The Throwback Galaxy was originally supposed to be called the Triceratower Galaxy. The main planet would've been somewhere between "The Sinking Lava Spire" from Super Mario Galaxy and "Trick Trap Tower" from Super Mario 3D World…and populated exclusively by Reznors. But a money shortage and widespread blowback at the idea of risking the lives of many Reznors – which are endangered – put the kibosh on that. So instead we planned an espionage mission. A bunch of Goombas were disguised as Toads and split into two groups – one to head to Mario and Luigi's house and steal the Dark-Light Device, another to head to Peach's Castle and steal the painting that contained the Whomp Fortress. Then we brought both of them to deep space and used the Dark-Light Device to free the Whomp Fortress from the painting. Then we made a few changes to update it, and just like that, the Throwback Galaxy was born.
And then, of course, there's World S, which I don't even know why Dad included because Mario never continues these adventures after he rescues Peach, so he's not even gonna go to World S. Our original plan for that world was to have seven new, super-tough galaxies, each of them ruled by one of my siblings. But that plan fell through, because some of the money set aside for the galaxies ended up going towards the last-minute Dark Matter Planet we added to "Boomsday Machine Daredevil Run" (dark matter's pricier than you might think), and most of the remaining money was embezzled by Kamek so he could buy a fancy new chemistry kit. The only holdovers from our original plan are the Rolling Coaster Galaxy (originally part of Lemmy's Pinball Palace), the Flip-Out Galaxy (originally part of Iggy's Topsy-Turvy Tower), and the Grandmaster Galaxy (which stayed basically the same as in our original plans, but would have been Ludwig's Cosmic Keep). Larry, Morton, Wendy, and Roy's galaxies were scrapped altogether and replaced with old levels that we just reused. The Mario Squared Galaxy was taken from the Super Mario Galaxy's Toy Time Galaxy; the Twisty Trials Galaxy was taken from Super Mario Sunshine's Ricco Harbor; the Stone Cyclone Galaxy was taken from Super Mario Galaxy's Beach Bowl Galaxy; and the Boss Blitz Galaxy was taken from a bunch of different Super Mario Galaxy galaxies.
Of course, we could've taken out a loan from the Mushroom Kingdom Savings Bank, but I think that would have instantly made them suspicious that Dad was cooking up another scheme. The last time he took out a loan was in 2002 to build me MechaBowser so I could terrorize Pinna Park.
So that's that. This is looking like it's gonna be the dumbest adventure ever. On the bright side, Dad's starting plans for his next evil plot already because he knows this one's a dump, and he's building a new fortress – get this – on the MOON! At certain times of day, you can actually see it from my Fiery Flotilla. I don't know why Dad parked both this thing and my Fearsome Fleet in orbit of the Mushroom Planet. I suspect it's another expensive-plots-of-space issue. But then again, it isn't really much of a problem – Toads are generally ignorant about space. I swear, we could build an entire Dyson sphere around their star and they'd be like, "Hmm…did it just get darker? By golly, it did! Eh, who cares?"
Oh look, here comes Mario now, landing in my lovely Fiery Flotilla here. Let's see how far he gets. I guarantee you the Motorcyclist Goombas down there are gonna stop him. Those idiots in the Mushroom Kingdom call them Goombeetles for some reason, which is completely stupid because they're just wearing the helmets Goombas wear when they ride motorcycles. And even if Mario gets past them, he's gotta deal with Hisstocrat's illegitimate son, Gobblegut. Who isn't nearly as terrifying as Hisstocrat, but is still pretty terrifying. Bwahahahahahahahaha!
A/N: So I know this wasn't a usual chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. I might end up doing more of these throughout the story. It was a nice change writing this from a different perspective and establishing monetary shortages as the reason behind some of the more bizarre aspects of SMG2. As always, please leave a review!
Next up: Mario beats up a Tip Network, breaks his back, and faces off with Gobblegut!
Happy Holidays!