A/N: By request, I've gone back to writing three chapters per post! Side note: the pictures of the blue toad and Blue Toad that Mario mentions drawing after paragraphs 11 and 27 (excluding the note) are not included in the story because I can't get drawings to appear here on the website. I'm not sure what the rules are about putting external links in stories, so I put the links to screenshots of the drawings I did on my profile page instead.

I do not own Super Mario.

Chapter 24: Blue Toad and Blue Toad

So, my indirect completion of "Hot-Stepping Dash Pepper" apparently unlocked three things: the Wild Glide Galaxy (the jungle), the Cosmic Cove Galaxy (which is not a fishbowl after all), and another Hungry Luma, this time griping for 700 Star Bits. I only have 297, so I won't be going there anytime soon.

Then again, with Banktoad's help, I'd have 641…nope, not risking it.

Anyway, last night I washed my tux and resigned to the fact that I'd have to wear that on my adventures today since my pajamas and overalls still had no stitching in them.

But then this morning, Yoshi told me that on his way to getting the Power Star yesterday, there was a Hungry Luma that he fed to make it easier for me next time I headed to the galaxy.

This was flippin' suspicious.

The night before last, Lubba snuck into by room at zero dark thirty and barfed all over the place (because of which I spent last night sleeping on the cold, hard helm). Then yesterday afternoon he was all worried about me, and then Yoshi went and did something nice for me. Yoshi's never tried to beat me down like everyone else has, but he's never gone out of his way to be nice to me either. I mean, he never buys me Christmas presents, and the one time I confronted him about it, he effortlessly lied, "Our friendship is the greatest gift of all." Or maybe it wasn't a lie to him, but to me it was because, in my eyes, there is no replacement for physical gifts or, better yet, CASH!

But anyway, I was also P.O.'ed when Yoshi announced this because…REALLY?! There was a Hungry Luma in the galaxy…but Yoshi found it? I was supposed to find it by climbing that cliff, gosh dang it! Yoshi went and stole my thunder! Well, this cloud is now mighty angry and wants his gosh dang flippin' thunder back!

So after going back through the garbage-fest that was the first half of the galaxy, we arrived at a pink Launch Star leading to a grassy planet. Even more suspicious. That thing looked too serene. It was probably a mirage, and once we landed there, the planet was gonna go bonkers and turn into a burning cemetery full of zombies and ghouls or something.

To sum up, I was wary.

We got in the Launch Star anyway and flew there. No change in the planet; however, the sky turned pink, just like it had on the Hungry Luma planet in the Fluffy Bluff Galaxy. The planet actually had a wide, shallow trench running along its center. And strangely enough, the planet was full of blue toads running around with Silver Stars.

No, I know what you're thinking. "Oh, Blue Toad from Super Mario 3D World was there with a bunch of other blue-colored Toads?" And if that's the case, no, you misunderstand me. I did not capitalize "blue" or "toad" as I would have were that the case. These were not Toads, the mycelial denizens of the Mushroom Kingdom. No, no, no; they were toads, actual toads. You know…toads! Argh, I don't think this is gonna make any sense unless I draw you a picture of them. Sadly, I don't think my drawing skills have advanced far beyond kindergarten level:

So yeah, those were the toads gallivanting around the planet. I assumed I had to sneak up behind them and nab their Silver Stars…without the seemingly clear and present danger of getting farted upon. There were a few other Toads there too, carrying around coins, so I gotta assume their only purpose was to aggravate me.

Yoshi and I started towards one of the toads to try to grab its Silver Star, but another one ran into Yoshi's side. I was flung off him and into the planet's equatorial ditch. Great; the toad didn't even directly hit me, and I was down to two wedges of health because of it.

I tried to sit up, but two more toads simultaneously mowed me down. Thankfully, since it was a precisely dual hit, I only lose one wedge of health, not two. I flipped to the side and got a mouthful of dirt. PFAAAAH! Down to one wedge of health and not even one Silver Star? Are you flipping fudging flying kidding me?!

That was it – it was a mistake coming to this godforsaken place. "Yoshi, we're going!" I said. "We'll come back some other time…or maybe never, I don't know. If I can save Peach without having to do this mission, then never."

"You can't just quit," Yoshi warbled.

Was he telling me what to do? The Yoshi from Super Mario World would never have done that! Well, Stranger Yoshi, watch me! I let another Toad ram into me, then opted to head back to Starship Mario.

I landed on the helm and mentally contemplated where to go in lieu of that trashfest. I could try one of the two new galaxies Yoshi had unlocked for me, but they both looked stupid too. Come to think of it, what doesn't look stupid to me? Well, technically, Wild Glide doesn't look stupid, but jungles have set off every alarm in my head ever since Soda Jungle in New Super Mario Bros. U. Cosmic Cove most certainly looked dumb, though, and I very much wanted to avoid. I wouldn't have necessarily had anything against it in any other adventure, but in my first galactic adventure (not to mention Super Mario 64), I couldn't stand how I only had a certain amount of air available underwater. No doubt the same would apply here. Ugh.

I approached the helm and saw that Lubba had apparently been performing upkeep around Starship Mario, as the note on the helm had been replaced with another one:

Throwing out my note was indescribably rude of you.

I expect an apology for that too.

– Lubba

Somehow he can find the words for me kicking him in the nuts but not for me RECYCLING (does the twisting of the truth never end?) his note?

But in his ire, Lubba made a tactical error: he forgot to write this note on Baby Yoshi paper. And so I took it into the bathroom, threw it in the toilet, peed on it, and then flushed it away. Haha, revenge is satisfying.

I returned to the helm, and then noticed a large sign saying, "C'MERE, MARIO!" being held up on the Toad Brigade's Starshroom. Oh great, what now? Did I really want to give them the time of day? Bigger question, though: what the heck did they want with me? Well, if they were gonna make an attempt on my life or something, I could more than overpower a gang of Toads.

I got on the pad to teleport to the Starshroom, where I was greeted by Captain Toad. This was the first time I'd seen him since being told he was going after that Power Star in the Fluffy Bluff Galaxy, and seeing as how the Brigade didn't come to me bragging about getting their own Power Star, I'm guessing they abandoned that mission for whatever reason. "Hello, Mario Mario," Captain Toad said. "I, Captain Bartholomew Toad of the Toad Brigade-"

His first name is Bartholomew?

"-do hereby present you with a gift for the honoring of the anniversary of your birth."

In plain English, if I'm not mistaken, that means, "Hey Mario, here's a birthday present for ya!"

Then Blue Toad walked forward, holding a wrapped present. Now this was the real Blue Toad, not the creeps from the Hightail Falls Galaxy. You know, Blue Toads, the denizens of the…I'm just gonna do a drawing again. Please bear with my horrible drawing skills:

Blue Toad then sang, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Mario-o-o-o, happy birthday to you-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-"

I cut off the never-ending "you" by snatching the present from his grasp and tearing through the purple paper it was wrapped in.

"I hope you enjoy it," Bartholomew said (yep, that's how I'll be referring to him from now on). "Lubba picked it out but it's from all of us. None of us know what it is, though; Lubba just said, 'It's a surprise.'"

Oh gosh. If it was from Lubba, who the flip knew what it was? Trash? Vomit? An exploding box of Poochy poop (I know I keep going there, but you would get it if you lived in the Mushroom Kingdom)?

Blue Toad shook the box eagerly, holding it out again. Well, whatever was hidden inside it obviously wasn't motion-activated, so I wasn't about to lose a foot with my next move. I reared back my leg and kicked with all my might, sending the box hurtling through the air. Amazingly, it broke free of the Starshroom's gravity…only to then be sucked in by Starship Mario's gravity.

And at the same time, Lubba was returning to the helm.

Oh great.

The box landed on Lubba's head and broke wide open, revealing its contents….

Aw, YUCK!

A DEAD SCAREDY RAT!

40. Gives me dead animals as "birthday gifts."

No doubt that was the one that Lubba had mentioned was inside Starship Mario. I guess he finally caught it.

"Hey, what was that for?" Bartholomew asked. "That was your gift."

"Look at what it flippin' is!" I said. I grabbed Bartholomew and moved him to the edge of the Starshroom, from where he could (hopefully) clearly see the dead Scaredy Rat.

"What am I looking at?" he asked.

Meanwhile, Lubba looked up at the Starshroom and said, "You did this, Mario! Get down here right now!"

Oh boy.