So, er, hi! Long time no see :)

In all seriousness, I am so sorry for how long it has taken me to get this chapter out. I have absolutely no excuses other than the typical ones of life being life and writing being hard. In the time since I last updated, I have:

- finished my first full year of teaching without any pesky lockdowns interrupting things

- moved in with my lovely partner

- looked for and subsequently started a new job at a place that is turning out to be way more intense than I could ever have anticipated

BUT I have good news. I jumped on the NaNoWriMo bandwagon once again this year, completing over 47,000 words of this story in November. At which point, I was up to chapter 20 and the end was in sight. So, I kept going. And now, after 74 days straight of writing, I am very pleased and proud to announce that:

DOUBLE OR NOTHING IS FINISHED!

That's right, it is all written. So, for the first time since I first started posting, I will have something resembling a regular upload schedule again! My aim is to put out a new chapter each Saturday evening (UK time) until the whole story is uploaded. This will give me the time I need to make sure everything is properly edited and tidied up to my liking, and hopefully give you all time to keep up with reading!

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you for your support, your reviews, and your patience. I appreciate it more than words can say.

And now, on to what you've all been waiting for! Enjoy!

Glitterb x

Chapter 14: Mind Over Matter

True to his word, Edward kept well within the speed limit imposed by the truck's dilapidated engine. He was a very good driver, no matter the vehicle, that much I had to admit, and it was nice to be able to sit back and watch the scenery pass; I was still feeling a little lightheaded (not that I was going to admit that to him). He'd claimed one of my hands and held it on the seat between us, driving one handed, keeping the speed consistent so he didn't have to change gears often, and pulling my hand up with his whenever he did. He tuned the radio to the oldies station that Beau had been enjoying the other week; unlike my brother, who had sung enthusiastically but only knew snatches of the lyrics, Edward got every word and sang along with a gentle but sincere passion. His voice was beautiful, naturally, and I couldn't help smiling as I watched him, wondering what memories the music was conjuring up, whether this was the style and the era that he liked best. Then I remembered that it was my day, and I could ask if I wanted.

"What's your favourite kind of music?"

He broke off singing to answer, which was inevitable but still a little bit disappointing. "Classical mainly, and I must say I'm fond of Jazz. Just about anything from the fifties." He nodded to the radio, still playing a jaunty vintage tune. "I wouldn't say I love Pop, but some of it is bearable. There's a lot of little-known treasures out there if you know where to look. I suppose you could say my taste is eclectic."

I grinned. "So, what you're saying is, you're a hipster."

Edward laughed. "Can you be called a hipster if you were around when the music was originally released?"

"Fair point," I conceded, "but we both know 'hidden treasures' is just code for 'you've probably never heard of them'. Which is hipster speak for 'my music is better than yours'."

He just grinned at that. "Well, perhaps, just a little bit. You seem to have me well figured out."

I scoffed. "Hardly. I think it's going to take decades before I completely understand you."

The casual reference to a future together – and a long one at that – surprised me as much as it did him. Despite his claim that I understood him, I couldn't quite interpret the expression on his face, or the way he stiffened slightly, his hand tensing around mine.

We'd made it back to my house by then, and he pulled in smoothly behind his sister's car, which was already parked against the curb. Although it wasn't quite full dark yet, the porch light was on, an inviting sight that also somehow made me kind of sad; our alone time was over.

Edward was out of the driver's seat and round to my side before I'd even got my seat belt off. I accepted his helping hand down and kept a tight hold on it. I wasn't going to lose even this little bit of ground gained. The closeness of the meadow – and the kiss – were still just for us, a level we wouldn't go to in public, and that was okay. I'd always felt like that sort of thing should be kept between two people. But handholding we could do. I imagined walking down the hall at school holding his hand, looking like McKayla and Jeremy, and felt a happy flutter in the pit of my stomach.

"So did you enjoy the fifties in general, or just the music?" I asked as we walked unhurriedly up the driveway.

He gave the question a few moments of careful consideration. "The music was probably the best part. And meeting Alice and Jasper, of course." He gave a playful smile and a wink. "They joined us in 1950. Honestly, everything is much of a muchness when you live as long as we do. It's an odd combination of remembering everything that happens and all of it blending together after a while. The sixties weren't bad, the music was bearable. The seventies though, and the eighties, my god." He shuddered. "The less said about that decade the better."

"I was born in the eighties," I reminded him as we climbed the porch steps.

His answering smile was soft and did funny things to my stomach. "One redeeming feature of an otherwise horrific stretch of time."

I smiled back and opened the door. "It was the very late eighties, I'll grant you that. I'm more of what you'd call a nineties kid."

His expression was carefully blank, but not in a way that made me worry; it was a deadpan expression, not a guarded one. "Ah yes, the era of such cultural marvels as jelly shoes and the Spice Girls."

"Don't forget all the boy bands," I teased. "Weren't they just dreamy?"

"Soooo cute," Edythe trilled, appearing at the entry to the kitchen with a wide smile on her face. "Oh Em Gee, I would just die if I got to meet one of them."

I burst out laughing; the contrast of prim and proper Edythe Cullen and the ridiculous fangirl talk was just plain hilarious. Edward was chuckling behind me, and Beau had a big grin on his face as he came up behind his girlfriend, his arm sliding comfortably around her waist.

"Hate to break it to you, babe," he said, looking down at her with a playfully serious expression. "But OMG is text speak, that's 2000s vocabulary, not nineties."

"Silly me," she replied breezily, turning to wrap her arms around him. "Thank you for correcting my horrific social and cultural faux pas, my love."

"That's what I'm here for." My brother grinned at her before turning his attention to Edward and I. "Good day?"

"Very good," I said quickly, as much to reassure Edward as answer my brother. I didn't think I needed to worry; Edward was smiling down at me when I looked up at him.

"Yes, we had a lovely time," he agreed. "How about you two?"

Something on the stove started bubbling loudly and Beau whirled around to go deal with it. We all followed him into the kitchen at a much more sedate pace as Edythe answered her brother.

"Most agreeable, despite the last-minute change of plans..." She poked him sharply in the ribs. "We went up to the cliffs overlooking the water near Port Angeles."

Her brother gave her a disapproving look. "That doesn't sound very hidden or private. I hope you aren't planning to use me as an excuse for not being careful."

Edythe rolled her eyes. "Oh, calm down, we were well out of anyone's sight. Besides, after that stunt with the van, you are never again going to be allowed to chastise anyone for not being careful about what humans can and can't see."

He made a disgruntled face at her, and I winced, thinking about my part in that whole incident.

"Sorry," I said, then shrank back slightly as three completely aghast expressions were directed towards me at once.

"Don't apologise!" Edward fumed angrily, at the same time that Beau insisted, "You didn't do anything wrong, Bell."

Edythe took up my free hand, horror turning to concern in her eyes. "I'm sorry Bella, I never meant to imply that saving you was a mistake. Of course, there wasn't anything else that Edward could have done. I was only teasing him."

I was feeling a little overwhelmed by all the attention, and my brother must have sensed it because he put clear effort into settling his expression and changed the subject.

"Hey, sis, come help me with this, would you? You were always better at this recipe than me."

The Cullens both released their hold on my hands, and I gratefully crossed the kitchen to check on the pot of stew he was working on. He was doing well with it, despite what he'd said. There was a half-diced pile of mushrooms on the cutting board beside the stovetop, and I took up the knife to finish them.

"Just keep stirring it gently," I advised him. "Don't let anything get stuck to the bottom."

He did as instructed. "Is the liquid thick enough? I was thinking it needed a bit of flour or corn-starch or something."

I eyed the pot again; Beau helpfully lifted a spoonful and dropped it back into the pot so I could see the consistency of the sauce more clearly. "No, you've got it right. There's still time for it to reduce a little more, if you add anything right now, you'll just end up with lumps."

He lightly smacked himself on the forehead. "That's what went wrong last time."

The distraction had worked, and I was feeling more cheerful as I picked up the mushrooms and added them to the pot, letting Beau stir them into the mix. I could also feel the subtle weight of someone watching me intently. When I glanced over my shoulder, Edward was closely observing our every move with a burning curiosity. Edythe, though not as intensely focused, was also clearly keeping track of what we were doing.

"Do you two want to help?" I offered.

Before either of them could respond, my brother jumped in. "Nuh-uh, bad plan. Last time Edythe tried to help me cook, I nearly ended up in the emergency room."

Edward looked horrified and I felt my own eyes bugging out, but Edythe waved off the comment nonchalantly. "It wasn't that spicy, my love."

"It felt like my tongue was literally on fire," Beau argued. "Thank god Charlie wasn't in, that's all I'll say."

I grinned. "Too much chilli in the chilli?"

"Half the jar," Beau confirmed, then nodded at my wince. "Yeah. And it was only a small pot."

Edythe had got a little disgruntled by this point. "Well, how was I to know how much it needed? Seasoning is a hard thing to do when you can't taste what you're making."

"You can smell it though," my brother shot back playfully.

"And it in no way smells like food to me," she pointed out. "I can't tell what 'good' smells like anymore."

"Maybe you should try baking," I suggested. "That's all measurements and proportions and timing, no pesky taste-testing."

She smiled. "Excellent idea, Bella."

"Just don't mix up the salt and the sugar," Edward commented with a smirk. Edythe flicked his ear with one perfectly manicured finger.

We went on with cooking, though Beau had pretty much finished, so I mainly started on the clean-up and played advisor. Perhaps that was what helped make it a much more successful collaboration than his attempt to help me cook earlier in the week. As I crossed the kitchen to put away the knife and chopping board, I caught a subtle but significant look pass between the Cullen siblings. I assumed the main communication had been mental because neither of them said anything out loud. Whatever his sister was telling him made Edward stiffen ever so slightly. Edythe quirked an eyebrow at him, and he shook his head just a fraction. It was clear she didn't like that answer, her delicate brows pulling down in a scowl.

I wasn't the only one who had noticed; when I went back over to the counter, Beau leaned towards me and theatrically stage-whispered, "This is the part where we decide if we're going to ask them what all that was about."

"It's nothing," Edward said quickly. Too quickly.

Edythe just scoffed. "Face it, brother, we can't get anything past the twins. They're almost as bad as us."

"It is still my day to ask questions," I reminded him as I moved to sit down in one of the empty chairs. "Are you going to make me waste one on this?"

His expression was guarded. "I never promised honest answers. If fact, I seem to recall you telling me that I didn't have to answer anything I didn't want to."

I gave him what I hoped was a convincing 'don't even try it' look. "I have spent several days telling you every little detail of my life and I don't get one measly conversation in return?"

"You don't need to know," he insisted.

"It can't hurt them to know," Edythe chimed in; her tone sounded like someone repeating an old argument, suggesting that this was probably the gist of her side of the mental conversation. "I only held back because it seemed easier to tell them both at once."

Edward made a frustrated noise that was unnervingly close to a growl. "Fine, make them worry over something we are perfectly capable of dealing with on our own."

"If you can deal with it, we've got nothing to worry about," I pointed out.

"Thank you, Bella." Edythe nodded at me approvingly. "I'm telling you, Edward, don't underestimate these two. They can handle more than you give them credit for."

Edward just growled again and sat back in his chair, accepting defeat rather ungraciously.

"So, what's going on?" Beau asked, leaving the stew to simmer and sitting down beside Edythe at the table.

Edward still didn't look happy, but Edythe ignored him as she answered. "There are some others of our kind nearby. Alice saw them a few days ago, and earlier she texted to say they were leaving Vancouver and heading our way. They could be here sometime over the weekend."

"Friend or foe?" Beau seemed calm, and I wondered if he might have been through this before.

Edythe shrugged. "Hard to tell, they're strangers so it's more difficult for her to see them. Not vegetarians, that's for certain."

Edward jumped in at this point, possibly in response to the worried frown I could feel creasing my forehead. "It's not an uncommon occurrence, and chances are they won't even come near us. But it's still possible, so Alice wanted us to be prepared. Really, it's nothing for you to concern yourself with."

Despite this assurance, a shiver of fear went up my spine. "But what if they come right into town? What if they try to... hurt someone?" I couldn't bring myself to say what I knew they would really do.

"Alice will see if they get that close," said Edythe, reaching across the table to lay her cold hand over mine comfortingly. "Some of us will intercept them, let them know that the territory is claimed, and they can't hunt here. If they don't comply, we'll get rid of them, but it likely won't come to that. Carine is an excellent diplomat."

"We won't let them hurt you," Edward insisted, a fierce determination now burning in his eyes. The look made my heart skip a beat, and I was fairly sure it wasn't out of fear.

Beau snorted. "You don't know my sister very well if you think she's worried about herself." He grinned at me. "Remember that time you fell off the monkey bars at school and didn't tell anyone how bad you'd hurt yourself until you were crying in pain like, four hours later?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "I was eight when that happened. And I was handling it."

"Your arm was broken!"

I waved him off. "A little fracture, nothing really. I didn't want them to call Renée and her have to leave work. Plus, you know how she'd have panicked."

"She did panic. In fact, I think the delay might have made it worse. You're proving my point for me though, thanks for that."

"Whatever, Beau, you're no better. Don't forget about The Great Flu of '98."

My brother very maturely stuck his tongue out at me, then started laughing as he caught sight of Edward's expression. "Oh no, Edward's realising exactly what he's got himself into."

It wasn't the kind thing to do – Edward seemed truly horrified – but something about the shell-shocked look and the way his mouth kept opening and closing as he searched for something to say just made me laugh along with Beau. Edythe joined in and patted him soothingly on the arm; whatever she was saying in her head must have settled him because he relaxed and smiled bashfully, though he did also grab my hand and the hold was a little tighter than before.

At that moment, as we sat round the table trying – and not quite succeeding – to calm ourselves down, I heard the sound of the door opening and the heavy tromp of Charlie's boots.

"Kiddos?" he called. He had a habit of calling out to us whenever he entered the house, as if there might be someone else here making a racket. It had seemed a little silly at first, but I'd found I quite liked it, one of the sweeter little details of my new daily routine. I was honestly just glad it had only taken him a week to stop yelling for just Beau.

"Kitchen, Dad!" Beau hollered back.

"Something smells good," Charlie remarked approvingly from the hallway. He sounded tired but happy; clearly, he had enjoyed his day as much as we had. "Is it nearly ready? I'm about to drop."

Beau popped up to go check the pot on the stove. "Not much longer."

"Good." My dad's small smile went even wider as he came into the room and caught sight of our guests. "Hey there, Edythe, good to see you."

"You too, Charlie." Her answering smile was dazzling; I saw his eyes go ever so slightly unfocused for just half a second before he recovered.

"And you must be Edward."

Edward stood up, offering his hand but letting Charlie close the distance to shake it. It would have been awkward in a bigger room, but in our tiny kitchen they were only a step away from each other. "Yes, sir. It's nice to officially meet you, Chief Swan."

Charlie chuckled, shaking Edward's hand firmly then letting go. "No need to be so formal, call me Charlie."

"Charlie." Edward nodded. I wondered how much of the anxious, boy-meets-girlfriend's-father energy he was exuding was genuine, and how much was him putting on a show for my dad.

Charlie sat in the chair Beau had vacated with a heavy sigh. "So, what have you kids been up to today?"

"We went out to the coast and did a bit of whale watching," Edythe supplied smoothly, with her usual unfailing confidence that made anything she said believable.

Edward wasn't volunteering anything as he sat back down, and I knew I couldn't lie as well as Edythe, so I settled for an explanation that was technically true but missing some details. "And we went on a hike out to a pretty spot Edward knows in the woods."

That made my dad laugh out loud. "You took my girl hiking? More power to you, young man."

I gave him a dour look. "Yes, thank you, Dad, we all know why that's funny. I will point out that I did make it back in one piece." I showed my hands, devoid of the scratches and scrapes he was probably expecting. "See? Edward took good care of me."

"So he did," Charlie said, giving an approving nod. "Well, I'm glad you all had a good day."

Dinner was ready then; Beau called for my help to get the dishes out and plate up. We had to grab the desk chair out of his room to get enough seats around the table for all of us. Honestly, it was a miracle we had four kitchen chairs to begin with, and five place settings really stretched the table to its limits. I was a little worried that the close quarters would make it harder for the Cullens to disguise the fact that they weren't eating, but it soon became clear that my brother had already had the same thought and chosen this particular meal very deliberately. Our dad was too engrossed in enjoying his food to pay much attention to anything else, and his fishing success apparently put him in a good enough mood that the interrogation I'd been half expecting him to subject Edward to never happened; he asked a few offhand questions about various members of the family, seemingly more out of courtesy than anything else, and that was it.

I, on the other hand, felt almost obsessively focused on what was happening on Edward and Edythe's side of the table, to the point that I had to consciously drag my eyes away a few times for fear of drawing attention to them by staring. From what I could tell, their 'eating' style involved a lot of moving things around the plate and cutting them into smaller chunks so they disappeared into the sauce or the rice that Beau had done as a side dish. Several forkfuls were taken up to their mouth, only to be discreetly returned to the plate, taking advantage of even the most momentary distraction. I did catch Edward actually chew and swallow one mouthful, in between answering questions about his older siblings' college prospects; as soon as Charlie's focus was back on his own plate, Edward winked at me and smiled like we were part of some great conspiracy. My cheeks got warm, and I couldn't help smiling back before continuing with my own food.

After dinner, we migrated into the relative comfort of the living room. Only at the very last moment did I remember that despite protests from both of us, Charlie had refused to put away the pictures of Beau and I that lined the mantelpiece, all crowding each other for space like some bizarre line-up made of different versions of the same two people. I was blushing again for a whole different reason when I saw Edward's gaze zero in on them as soon as we walked in. My dad sank into his recliner with a satisfied sigh, folding his hands contentedly over his stomach, while my brother flopped onto the sofa. His eyes were on the pictures too, and although I could clearly see he was trying to seem unbothered, I also noticed the red beginning to creep up his neck.

Edythe, by contrast, was almost gleeful. She pulled her brother towards the pictures immediately; he caught hold of my hand in turn, so I got dragged along too.

"Look, Edward," she said, pointing to the hospital photo near the end – one of only a handful of pictures of us all as a family. "Weren't they sweet? So tiny!"

Charlie laughed. "Not that tiny. Nearly six pounds each, that's pretty big for twins. Renée was getting so huge towards the end, I was afraid she'd topple over every time she stood up."

Edward was smiling very softly as he studied the picture. "Your mother is very like you."

"You mean I'm like her," I corrected. "Or have you not been paying attention in Biology?"

He rolled his eyes but didn't comment further.

"She's all Dad when it comes to personality," Beau piped up from the sofa, where Edythe had now joined him and was cuddling into his side in a way that was both affectionate and entirely appropriate given the parent in the room.

"And what do you mean to imply by that?" Charlie said, his smile too wide to keep up the affronted tone he was aiming for.

Beau held up his hands. "Nothing, just an observation."

Charlie chuckled, clearly not upset. "Whatever you say, kiddo."

"How was your day, Dad?" I asked, trying to steer Edward away from the pictures and not really succeeding; he was still running his eyes down the progression of school portraits curiously.

"Good, good. The fish were biting, I've put them all out in the garage freezer. The guys wanted to go again tomorrow, and I said I would, if you two don't mind being left alone again." He looked suddenly guilty at the end.

"We'll be fine," Beau assured him.

I nodded in agreement. "We're big kids now, Dad, we can manage on our own."

"Actually," Edward chimed in, "I was wondering if you might like to come over to our house tomorrow."

I turned to him, a little startled. "Really?"

"Yes, the family want to officially meet you. Earnest is particularly eager." He grinned, sparkles of amusement in his eyes. "He was the first to meet Beau, he's rather miffed that he's the last to meet you."

Edythe's eyes lit up. "Oh yes, you must come over! Alice was saying just yesterday that we needed an opportunity for all us kids to hang out together, it never seems to happen anymore."

I knew they weren't twins, but the matching hopeful expressions both Cullens turned my way made me think that anyone would be forgiven for believing that they were. With all that inhuman beauty combined together, they were also completely overwhelming; I nodded, feeling my cheeks go pink even as nervous butterflies took off in my stomach.

"We always tend to spend time together at our house, our parents are big on family time," Edythe continued, clearly trying to distract me with mindless chatter. "There aren't exactly a whole lot of other options around here, not ones with enough space, anyway."

Beau was grinning, a mischievous twinkle in his smile. "And bonus, you'll know the first place to look if I ever go missing."

Edward's perfect facade broke just slightly; his hand tightened around mine as his whole body stiffened.

But the others were laughing.

"We already knew that, son," Charlie commented.

Edythe just shoved him lightly, to which he dramatically overreacted, throwing his torso over the side of the sofa and making exaggerated choking sounds. Edythe used the shift to wriggle him over a few inches and pat the empty cushion next to her, gesturing me to sit down. There wasn't really enough room – it was more of a love seat than a sofa and only really made for two – but we managed to manoeuvre into a slightly squashed modicum of comfort. Edward, lacking an actual seat, eyed the armrest next to me for half a second before he appeared to think better of it and sat down on the floor in front of me instead. He was still stiff, sitting straight as an iron bar; feeling bold, I gently placed a hand on his shoulder and pulled back until he was leaning against my legs. Edythe patted him on the head, and he swatted her hand away, but the half of his face I could see as he turned was smiling again, and he relaxed into me with his usual careful but easy grace.

Charlie turned on the TV, letting the sound of the sports channel fill the lull in conversation. There were a few more scattered questions, but the rest of the evening was calm and comfortable.

And then all of a sudden, much sooner than I was ready for, it was time for the Cullens to leave. Charlie didn't hover too close, but he was standing at the door as we walked them out to their car. While Edythe and Beau engaged in their usual chaste-but-intimate goodbye kiss, Edward and I stood half a foot apart, probably looking awkward as all get out.

Edward saw my discomfort and misinterpreted it again. "Don't worry about tomorrow. My family really are eager to meet you. Earnest already thinks you're a saint just for putting up with me." He grinned cheekily, clearly trying to put me at ease.

I didn't bother reminding him about Rosalie and her hostility; if he was ignoring it, I would try to as well. "I'm sure I'll manage to do something to tarnish his good impression. Mostly I think I'm just going to miss you between now and then."

The smile remained, but his eyes turned a little sad. Then they lit up and he held out his hand. "Do you have your phone on you?"

By a stroke of luck, it had managed to stay precariously wedged in my back pocket all day and was still there; I pulled it out and handed it over with a quizzical look.

He didn't answer the unspoken question, just pressed buttons so fast I almost couldn't see his fingers moving. It was a good thing I was stood between him and my dad.

"There," Edward said with a satisfied smile, returning my phone. "Now you have my number. Use it whenever you need to."

Before I could respond, he was leaning in towards me. My heart began hammering and I focused on staying completely still, knowing we couldn't have a repeat of earlier with Charlie watching. But he kissed me on the cheek rather than the lips this time, gentle but lingering. I tried to enjoy it and not be disappointed that it wasn't more.

"But you won't need it tonight," he whispered low enough for only me to hear. "I'll be back as fast as I can." He pulled back, a hint of uncertainty creeping into his expression. "If that's okay with you, of course."

I took his hand and squeezed gently. "I'll leave the window open."

Edward's answering smile was almost blinding. But before he could say anything else, Edythe honked her horn loudly. I hadn't even noticed her get in the car.

"I think that means you have to go," I said, trying to smile but knowing it was weak.

Edward just squeezed my hand one more time, mouthed 'soon', then turned and slid gracefully into the passenger seat. The car moved away at a speed that was perfectly acceptable, for once – probably because of the watching police officer – and Beau, now standing next to me, waved them off enthusiastically. As we turned and walked back towards the house, he slung an arm around my shoulders.

"Edward and Bella, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-oof!"

I cut off his childish chanting with a sharp fist to the stomach. "Shut up, dork, what are you, five?"

Beau recovered quickly, putting on his best whiny toddler voice. "Daaaad, Bella hit meee."

"Serves you right," Charlie said, smirking.

I smiled smugly up at Beau; he pouted and made a show of stomping up the steps back into the house. Charlie and I just laughed as we followed.

"So, did Edward pass inspection?" I asked, hoping it sounded like a casual inquiry and not the most important question in the world.

Charlie nodded with a knowing smile. "Sure, sure. He seems like a very nice boy. You really like him, huh?"

I blushed, of course. "Yeah, I do. Just don't make it a big deal, okay? No sneaky phone calls to Mom."

"I would never!" he insisted, but there was a tell-tale fidget of his hands that told me I had hit on exactly his plan.

I rolled my eyes. "You and Beau are as bad as each other. I'll call her tomorrow, okay? Think you can hold off until then?"

"Sure thing. And I'm real glad you're happy, Bells. Just..." His expression turned into a trademark worried Charlie frown. "Be careful, okay? I know you're almost grown, and you can handle yourself just fine, but I wouldn't be your dad if I didn't worry."

The genuine concern on his face was a little overwhelming. While Renée certainly worried her fair share, it was usually a loud and panicky kind of worry, boisterous but easily diffused. This quiet, sincere interest in my life was unfamiliar. Not unwelcome, but I didn't really know what to do or how to respond. I settled for giving him a hug, which seemed to startle him slightly; he went stiff, then relaxed and returned the embrace, pressing a kiss to the top of my hair.

"I'll be careful," I promised. "I love you, Dad."

"You too, kiddo," was his awkward reply, accompanied by a pat on my back. "You going to stay up a bit or head to bed?"

I pulled back from the hug. "Bed, I think. I'm feeling kind of tired after all the exercise today." No need to mention that I'd only had to do one direction of the trip on my own feet. My eyes darted reflexively towards the stairs; I hoped I would get up there in time to open the window for Edward before he came back. Not that it would probably stop him coming in.

Charlie saw either the movement or something else in my face that had his eyes narrowing slightly, keen and assessing in that way that only a police officer or a father could be. "You sure? You look a little... keyed up for sleeping."

I shrugged, trying my best to look lethargic and probably failing. "Well, if I've still got some energy left in me, I might read for a while. See you in the morning. Night Beau!" I called the last down the hall and heard a vague noise of acknowledgement before the sound of Beau's door closing. Not wanting to give Charlie another chance at interrogation, I hurried up the stairs with a cursory, "Night Dad," thrown over my shoulder. I knew the rushing wasn't going to help convince him away from the suspicions he was obviously forming, but I was honestly past caring by that point. I had another way to convince him I wasn't going anywhere.

Once I made it to my room, I hurried to the window and threw it open. It was definitely too much to hope that Edward would be back already, but I couldn't help waiting for half a second just to see if he emerged. When he didn't, I gathered my bathroom things and pyjamas, quietly wishing I'd brought the nice set Renée had bought me for my birthday a few years ago, before reminding myself he'd already seen me in my usual old sweats and ratty t-shirt, and he'd still kissed me today.

He'd kissed me!

I felt incredibly silly, getting so caught up in a kiss. I'd never been one of those giggly girls, not one of the McKaylas of the world, losing their mind like this over a guy. But really, when the guy was Edward, it didn't feel like there was any other reaction I could possibly have. Just remembering that moment, my lips started tingling and my heartbeat stuttered. If only I hadn't spoiled it by completely failing to keep my cool... The parting cheek-kiss took on a new meaning; not just that Edward hadn't wanted a repeat of earlier to happen in front of Charlie, but that he might not want a repeat at all. I tried to beat back the thoughts, knowing that they weren't in any way helpful, but I felt them settle and start to fester despite my efforts.

Deciding avoidance was the best strategy to deal with them for now, I set about putting my plan to placate Charlie into action. I made sure I was particularly noisy going about my routine in the bathroom, banging the door slightly too hard and turning the water of the shower and the sink up a little higher so they surged louder. I took my time with my hair, drying it just a bit with my towel and brushing out every tangle so it lay smooth and still clearly wet, but hopefully wouldn't soak the back of my shirt. Then I went back downstairs, forcing myself to keep my pace slow or at least close to normal, and ducked into the living room where Charlie was somewhat distractedly watching the news.

"Goodnight, Dad," I said, pecking him on the cheek.

He looked startled, by my sudden appearance or the sudden affection I couldn't tell, but recovered quickly. "Night, Bells. Have a good time tomorrow if I don't see you."

"Thanks," I said, smiling sheepishly. "Honestly, I'm really nervous."

"Don't be. They'll love you."

I didn't share my dad's confidence, but I'd done what I came down to do; he was looking more relaxed and happier, clearly convinced by the wet hair and pyjamas. So I just ostentatiously crossed my fingers and left, his chuckles echoing after me as I went back upstairs, again forcing my tread to go slow and heavy.

Back in my room – after closing the door loudly, just to be safe – I stowed my bathroom things and turned to head back to the window, resigned to waiting there until Edward arrived, like a pale imitation of Juliet on her balcony, lovesick and pathetic as it would inevitably make me look. But as I turned, a slight movement in the corner of my eye made me jump a mile; I had just enough presence of mind to clap a hand over my mouth to stifle the yelp that burst out.

Edward was lying on my bed like he belonged there, hands behind his head, ankles crossed, his toe tapping lightly in the air, as if keeping time to a song I couldn't hear. His lazy smile turned into a concerned half-frown. "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Just let me restart my heart," I joked breathlessly.

He shifted slowly to the end of the bed, patting the space beside him, and I crossed the room a little shakily to sit down. He immediately put his arm around me loosely, so his hand rested on the comforter by my hip while his forearm settled against my lower back. His other hand reached across to lay on top of both of mine where they had fallen awkwardly in my lap.

"How's the heart?" he asked, amusement glimmering in his golden eyes.

"You tell me – I'm sure you can hear it much better than I can."

He laughed softly, tilting his head to the side as if listening intently. "Hmmm... definitely working. A little fast, actually."

I shrugged, aiming for nonchalant but let down by my blushing cheeks; I ducked my head so he wouldn't see. "That's normal when you're around."

A cold finger gently curled under my chin and pulled my face back up and around towards him. Edward's smile was warm, his eyes unmistakably adoring, yet with just an edge of something wary, or perhaps sad; I wasn't completely certain which, but I didn't like either option.

"Maybe I should go then," he murmured. "Such prolonged exertion can't be good for it. And after I've put so much effort into keeping it beating..."

"No!" I said, probably too loudly, grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling myself in closer to him. I realised a second too late that it was probably a reckless thing to do, remembering all too clearly how fast he had retreated when I got too close earlier – there wasn't as much space for him to run away in here. But Edward just shushed me gently and tightened his arm around me, his hand moving to hold my waist.

"Alright, alright, I'll stay. I'm far too selfish a creature to be parted from you now anyway."

"Good." I relaxed a little but didn't move away. "You still have more questions to answer too."

One perfect dark eyebrow rose. "Oh really? Such as?"

I couldn't help smirking. "How was dinner?"

His answering smile was placid and serene. "Very pleasant. I like your father a lot, and I think he's beginning to warm to me. It probably helps that he's already so found of my sister."

"And the food?" I prompted, dropping all pretence of subtlety.

Now the expression was deadpan. "Slimy. Don't tell your brother."

I sniggered. "Your secret's safe with me." Then I thought of another question, one that was actually interesting to me and not just an excuse to laugh at him. "Do you ever miss food? Like, is there a favourite food you had that you still think about, or something like that?"

Edward thought about it, then shook his head. "No, not really. I do vaguely recall having an affection for ice cream, but it's been so long I don't even really remember what it tastes like. As Edythe said earlier, human food no longer has the same appeal for us, and that switch was pretty immediate after we changed. Anything else you want to know?"

I was a little hesitant to bring it up, after his reticence towards taking about the subject before, but the thought of those visiting vampires was still in the back of my mind, and it now came to the fore. "The ones that Alice sees coming, the ones... not like you..." I felt his arm stiffen and pressed on as fast as possible. "Does that happen often? I mean, are there a lot of... your kind about, or is it rare to run into others?" I still couldn't bring myself to say 'vampire' out loud.

He took each question one at a time, in order. "No, we don't meet others too often, perhaps once every few years. Some old friends of Jasper's came by a few weeks ago, but that was a planned visit, not random like this one. No one's done a census, so I can't be sure of exact numbers, but there aren't too many others about. It's just that most won't settle down the way we have, so when they're roaming and we stay still, it can be easier for them to run into us."

"Why don't they settle?" I wondered.

"Too conspicuous," was the bland response; Edward's expression had turned distant, as if trying to disconnect from the subject and handle it only as hard, clinical fact. "Only those of us who aren't relying on the local populace as a food source can remain undetected living amongst you humans. There's one other group like us that we've found, three siblings and two others that joined them much like Alice and Jasper joined us. They live in a village in Alaska and have actually stayed put for quite a while because they keep more distance from the nearby humans. We lived with them for a time before we came here, but we were starting to get a bit too noticeable living in such a big group, so we had to move on. Those of us that have chosen to live differently tend to band together when we can."

"So the others just... wander about?"

"Essentially, yes. Mostly in the North, at least on this continent, which is where we prefer to live too, so we cross paths with nomads every once in a while."

I tipped my head to one side, curiosity well and truly piqued. "Why do you like the North?"

His look turned teasing, which felt like a small victory – anything was better than that blankness. "Well, how much sun do you get in Arizona? After seeing what you saw today, do you think I could live a normal life there?"

"I guess not," I said, feeling a little sheepish; of course, he couldn't walk about in my hometown without someone noticing him. "You'd have to stay hidden in the day. Is that where the legends about being nocturnal come from?"

He nodded. "In part. But night-time gets tiresome after a while. In the northern states, and especially here in the Olympic Peninsula, we can be out in the daytime almost every day. It's certainly preferable, for us at least."

As with so many of my questions, the answers were opening up whole new realms of things I hadn't even thought of before, and new questions that needed answering in turn. "So, what do you actually do all night? You mentioned Carine doing night shifts before, and Edythe said something about personal pursuits when I asked her about it." That conversation, somehow only last Sunday morning, felt like many years ago now.

Edward seemed to be relaxing as the conversation continued; apparently this line of inquiry was more to his liking, probably because he could shape his answers to only concern his family and not the roaming murderous hoards that apparently made up the rest of his kind. "It certainly helps Carine to be more flexible at work, although of course she has to make a show of taking enough breaks so as not to draw too much attention from her colleagues. For the rest of us, it varies. In the past we've spent the time on schoolwork, or our own personal studies. We all speak a fair few languages, most of us play some kind of instrument, and we've each got our hobbies that we use to while away the hours. Sometimes we use the night to hunt so we don't have to raise suspicion by skipping out on our other obligations like work or school. And those that have partners generally spend most of their time together."

"Doing what?"

He didn't blush, but he fidgeted uncomfortably in the same way I did when I was turning scarlet, and he wouldn't meet my eye. "Let's just say, they're all married, and leave it at that."

"Oh? Oh!" Realisation of what he meant hit like a freight train, and I was suddenly so warm that I was sure to be red enough for the both of us. Not to mention instantly hyper-aware of how closely our bodies were pressed together. "What, um... what about you and Edythe, then? Since you aren't... attached, that way."

"Well, since she met Beau, Edythe has been here most nights. And..." He paused, a different type of discomfort on his face. "So have I. For the last few months, at least."

This wasn't entirely news to me, as he'd already admitted to watching me long enough to hear me talk in my sleep. But the timing was a little surprising; months ago, we hadn't even been speaking in the daylight hours. "Why though? I know you said you're worried..." Still a mind-boggling concept. "But surely after a few nights you would have worked out that nothing's going to happen to me when I'm asleep in my bed."

Edward's eyes flashed a little darkly. "I've studied the theoretical side of two medical degrees, Bella, believe me, I am more than aware of all the horrors that can befall a sleeping human. But regardless, you're also very... interesting when you sleep."

I scoffed incredulously.

"Honestly," he insisted, the dark mood passing as soon as it had come. "I know it isn't precisely... conventional, but I've learned a lot about you while being here at night."

I frowned, uncertain that I liked where this conversation was going. "Like what?"

"When something is distressing you, even if you don't seem bothered during the day, it disturbs your sleep. You're more restless, you tend to throw your covers off, and you talk more." His eyes turned soft. "It often concerns your mother. You miss her and you worry about her a lot. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" He laughed gently, though not unkindly.

I was thinking of the other dreams I'd been having in recent months, and how those might have translated into something he could hear or observe. "Anything else?"

He knew what I was getting at, somehow able to read me even though he couldn't hear my thoughts. "You did say my name."

"A lot?" I felt like I was bracing for impact as I waited for the answer.

"Define 'a lot', exactly."

"Oh no," I moaned, burying my head in my hands. Just the thought that he'd heard me talking had horrified me the other day; it was much worse to know that he had seen just how hopelessly obsessed I was with him before I could consciously decide to stop hiding it.

He tucked my hair back behind my ear where it had fallen forward and tugged gently on my wrist, encouraging but not forcing me to drop my hands. "Please don't feel embarrassed. It's terribly self-centred of me, I know, but I like knowing that you think of me. Most of the time, you seem calm when you're saying my name. The first time, I thought you'd woken up and caught me in here, you spoke so clearly."

I looked up, aghast. "You were in my room?" For some reason I'd been picturing him listening from outside, sitting in a tree or even perched outside the window, clinging to the side of the house, but in my room? That was different.

He had the decency to look chagrined. "Yes. And I really have no excuses. I knew it was wrong when I did it. I just couldn't ignore the draw I felt, the desire to be closer to you." He sighed in frustration and shook his head, loosening his hold on me. "You're angry with me, I should go."

I grabbed hold of his hands, a little proud of myself for being quick enough to catch him but mostly frustrated that it was still needed. "Please stay. I don't want to keep doing this dance, Edward. Leaving isn't the solution to every little inconvenience we come up against."

Edward was frowning, but he stayed sat next to me, which I took as a win. "But if I've upset you..."

I shook my head hard. "Then we need to talk about it and deal with it. Look, I'm not angry, really. Just... embarrassed mainly. Maybe a little uncomfortable with you being in here when I didn't know about it, but as long as you don't do it again..."

"I won't." There was a distinct ring of promise in his tone. "How about this – if your window is open, then that will be the signal that I can come in. If it's closed, I'll know that you don't want me around that night."

I smiled. "Sounds like a plan to me. It probably won't be closed very much though."

He chuckled, then was abruptly frowning again. "But why would you be embarrassed?"

I looked at him like it should be obvious. "Because of what I said. Because if I'm thinking about you so much that you're in my dreams, then..." I didn't even know how to finish the sentence; the blush was back full force.

He stroked my cheek softly then cupped my face and made sure I was looking him in the eye. "You have no idea how it feels, to know that you care for me. When I had accepted my feelings but wasn't sure of yours, those little whispers gave me the confidence I needed to stop wasting time and finally try to get closer to you. I'm not ashamed to say that you are always on my mind, and I know that if I could dream, it would be about you."

For a minute, I couldn't do anything but drown in the deep golden pools of his eyes. Thankfully, Edward set me free from their magnetic pull by closing them and pressing his forehead against mine, drawing me in again to close the little bit of space that had been opening up between us. I was struck suddenly by the contrast between this stance and the careful distance he'd been keeping this afternoon. Partly to distract myself, partly to hear his voice again, and partly just to lighten what had suddenly become a very intense atmosphere, I broke the quiet.

"This seems to be getting easier for you."

"Hmmmm?" he hummed questioningly, his face slowly turning and twisting round towards my ear.

"Being… being close to me," I clarified, a little shakily. A whole new type of tension was starting to build, unfamiliar but not entirely unpleasant.

He brushed my hair back and his own bronze locks tickled the side of my chin as his nose skimmed down my neck, until his head rested lightly on my shoulder. "Do you think so?"

"Seems like it," I croaked, pleased I still had a voice. "Why, um… why do you think that is?" He was running his hand up my back and his lips were pressed to my collarbone, making it very hard to stay focused on trivial things like talking.

I felt his mouth twist into a smile. "Mind over matter."

I twisted my head to try and see him clearer; it was an awkward angle, but he indulged me by leaning away from me slightly, quirking an eyebrow curiously.

"What do you mean?" I asked, a bit confused by his choice of words.

He sighed, and the cold breath, still close enough to brush across the skin of my upper chest, made the most delicious shivers dance down my spine. "Earlier this afternoon, I was still… uncertain, undecided about whether I was strong enough to resist. But when you showed me such acceptance, such care… when I was showing exactly how horrific I can be…" He looked down as if ashamed, then picked up my hand and curled it around his cheek, like I had tried to do earlier. "And you reacted with compassion, wanting to know what you could do to make things better… I decided I could be strong enough, I must be, because there was other good way to pay back that kind of complete trust. Now I know, there is no way I could… that I ever would…"

His eyes now begged me to understand the words he couldn't say, pain and desperation clear for anyone to see. I stroked his cheek, hoping that he saw my faith and love reflecting back, my belief that of course, he would never hurt me.

"Mind over matter," I whispered.

He nodded, then put his head back on my shoulder. I rested my ear on his hair, still cradling his face, and wormed my other hand around to his back, hugging him to me tightly.

"I can still leave if it's too much," Edward murmured, almost absentmindedly. "Being with you for so long all at once has made it easier, helped me get desensitized to the scent. If I go away, I'll probably have to start again. But the foundation will stay, I hope. I won't be starting from nothing."

I squeezed even tighter, moving my hand to lace in his hair. "Don't go away, then."

I felt him smile; he'd leaned in to touch his lips to my neck. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"You're in a very good mood tonight," I observed, when he'd pulled back from the kiss and my heart had stopped trying to jump out of my chest. "You've only tried to convince me to send you away once."

He laughed, quiet but exuberant, and sat back enough so that he could see my face. "Isn't this what it should be like? The glory of first love? It isn't at all what I expected, though I've read it and seen it played out a hundred thousand times. The experience is so much… more than I anticipated."

I nodded in agreement. "Words can't describe it, can they? It's so… forceful. Overwhelming, but in a good way." Then I got caught up on another part of what he'd said. "First, really? After all these years?"

"You don't believe me? Truly, Bella, this is all as new for me as it is for you."

"Well, I just keep thinking about what you said about Rosalie before… and I know you don't feel that way about her," I hurried to add when he looked like he was going to interrupt me. "And of course, there's Eleanor and all that, but really, she's Rosalie. She's beauty incarnate, and she was meant for you. If you didn't want her, how could I possibly compete?"

"There's no competition." Edward was almost baring his teeth, as if angry that I would dare to say such things.

"That's the problem," I mumbled. "Besides, she can't be the only one. There must be someone else that got pushed into your path… or put themselves there." I thought of McKayla, clearly sour about being rejected; when I'd asked, Beau had confirmed that she'd tried to ask him out and been shot down in spectacular fashion. Surely, he couldn't have said no to everyone. Not for a hundred years.

"I won't deny there have been some," he admitted, still not looking happy. "But no matter how beautiful, there is no one that has ever appealed to me the way you do. I've walked the world for all these years, easily able to put aside anyone that approached me, because I felt complete – I didn't think I needed them. I didn't realise what I was looking for, and I couldn't find it, until you came along and filled a space that I didn't even know was empty."

It was a big declaration, getting dangerously close to some very significant words indeed, but I found myself feeling sad for him more than anything else. "You had to wait so long… it doesn't seem fair. I feel like I've cheated, like I'm jumping the queue or something."

He looked like he was about to say something, then his head abruptly snapped towards the door. Quickly but gently, he extracted himself from our embrace, and then I was suddenly in darkness as he vanished, apparently turning off the light and closing the curtains faster than I could blink.

"Lie down!" he hissed from somewhere in the darkness, and I hurried to obey, scrambling under the quilt, and curling up on my side as I normally did to sleep. I heard the footsteps that he had obviously detected sooner than I could, then the quiet crack of my door as Charlie opened it to check on me. I tried to breath evenly but obviously; apparently all my work still hadn't quite convinced him after all, so this would have to seal the deal.

A long minute passed. I thought I heard the door click shut but wasn't sure. Then there was a weight settling on the bed behind me, an arm around my waist, and cold lips at my ear.

"It's a good thing your father trusts you. That was terrible acting."

"It worked, didn't it?" I shot back in a whisper.

"Touché. Would you like me to sing you to sleep? Or I could read again, I can still see in the dark."

"I'm not quite sure I'm ready to sleep yet," I hedged.

"Do you have another question?"

I laughed. "Too many."

"Let me know when you pick one."

I could feel his breath on the back of my neck and heard the soft but distinct sound of a deep inhale through his nose.

"What do I smell like?" I asked, wrinkling my own nose at how weird the question sounded. "Is it really that different from other people?"

"Everyone smells a little different," he explained, sounding nonchalant, whether genuinely or forced I couldn't tell without his face to clue me in. "There's an undercurrent of something undefinable that tells me species, but the… top notes, I suppose you could say, vary from person to person. Yours…" He breathed in deeply again, not trying to be so surreptitious about it this time. "Yours is very floral. Lavender and freesia, a little orange blossom. It's mouth-watering."

"Because every girl wants to hear how edible she smells."

He chuckled at my obvious joke. There was quiet for a minute, just the sound of the gentle breeze blowing in through the still open window, before Edward whispered, "Did you fall asleep?"

"Not yet," I whispered back, smiling into the darkness. "But I picked another question. Where did it start? All the… vampires, I mean." God, why was that word so hard? "Carine changed you, and someone changed her, and so on. Who was the first?"

"Getting philosophical, are we?" he teased. "It's hard to say. We can't exactly die of old age, but we do get killed from time to time, so not many of the oldest are still around to ask about their origins. And a fair few people get changed by accident, meaning not everyone can trace their… lineage, you could call it. So, I suppose it comes down to the old question of creation versus evolution, the one humans have been debating for centuries. Couldn't we have been put on this Earth like every other pair of predator and prey – angelfish and shark, baby seal and killer whale? Or have we evolved side by side, some offshoot of your species turning on its fellows for survival and gradually morphing into mine?"

"First flowers, then food, now baby seals. I'm getting all the flattering comparisons tonight."

"You'd be a very cute baby seal," he said with mock seriousness, and I couldn't hold in a giggle. "Any more questions?"

"Millions," I admitted. "They just keep coming."

"We have tomorrow, and the next day, and every day after that."

"You'll still be here in the morning?" I asked, opening up to show my desperation just a little more. "There's a difference between being in my dream and being just a dream, you know."

"I won't leave you," he promised, tightening his arm on my waist as if to prove it. The quilt was between us, and I didn't like the barrier it had established, but I knew better than to push; he had been so free with me tonight, I could give that little extra bit of space now.

"Maybe just one more," I hedged, thinking about some of his kisses… some of the things we had brushed over but not really discussed properly. Then I was blushing again.

"What is it?" he prompted when I had laid silent for too long.

"No, I changed my mind. Don't worry about it."

"You can ask me anything, Bella. I told you, nothing is off limits. I'll tell if I don't want to talk about it."

I bit my lip, staying quiet, and a moment later he growled in frustration.

"When will it stop being so aggravating not to hear your thoughts? Every time I think I've figured you out, you button up again and I feel like I'm back to square one."

"I'm glad you can't hear what I'm thinking. Honestly, it's a mess in there. What comes out when I'm asleep is only half of it."

He changed tack; when his voice came again, it was silk-smooth and pleading. "Please, ask me your question? Give me just a little peek into that intriguing mind of yours."

I shook my head hard, not caring if my hair hit him in the face.

"I'm only going to make my own assumptions," he reasoned. "And they'll probably be much worse than the truth. Please tell me?" Back to pleading again.

"Well…"

"Yes?"

"What you said earlier… about the others being married… and that's how they spend their nights… I guess I wondered if that was something we could have one day."

It was his turn to lie quiet and not answer. But I got nervous instead of annoyed and started babbling to fill the quiet.

"Not that we're ready for that, or will be anytime soon, I just… well, I don't for sure, you know I've never done this before, but I guess I always had the impression it was a big part of most relationships, or some at least…" I trailed off, my face burning.

"I don't think… that's something we could do, I'm afraid," he finally answered, as stiff and uncomfortable as I felt.

"Because you couldn't handle me being that close?" I guessed.

"In part. But I think I could manage that. It's… I don't if I've made it clear yet, just how much I have to think about every move I make around you, Bella. I have to measure every touch, every kiss, so as not to hurt you. Even now, just lying in my arms, you feel so fragile, so breakable. If I were lost in a moment, losing control even in a good way… if I held you too tight and cracked your ribs, or reached out to touch your face and crushed your skull by mistake-" He choked on his own words and stopped, taking a deep breath before he could go on. "I'm sorry, but I think we will have to manage without that particular expression of love."

He waited for me to respond; when I didn't, he brushed my cheek with his knuckles softly.

"Are you very upset? Or did I scare you?"

"No, I'm okay," I assured him. "I guess I didn't think of it that way."

"You would never have to," was his matter-of-fact response.

"Do you…" I hesitated again, feeling at once self-conscious and self-centred in the extreme. I forced the words out fast before I could regret it. "Do you find me attractive that way at all? Or is it just the yummy smell?"

He laughed. "I assure you, I am still a man. In many ways, I'm still a teenage boy, and I do have some human instincts left. So, in short, yes."

He whispered the last word right next to my ear, making me squirm; he chuckled and kissed the back of my head softly. Then a huge yawn hit me out of nowhere, stretching the sides of my mouth.

"Time for sleep now," Edward insisted, pulling the covers more snuggly around me, and starting to hum a soft, unfamiliar song in my ear. It sounded something like a lullaby, and his angelic voice lulled me towards unconsciousness faster than I could protest. The emotional rollercoaster had run its course once again; the exhaustion set in quickly, and I let go of my worries for a little while as I drifted off to sleep in the cold, secure cocoon of his arms.