Gabrielus Prime: When you said, "I can only imagine what happened with Present Mic's quirk when his voice started cracking", I was overcome by the mental image him in his early teens trying to talk, and sounding like Team Four Star's version of Android 14...
Re: . . . That neck brace is a Support Item that lets him direct his Quirk in a single direction, and at-earliest he would've only gotten it once he entered Yuuei, or just-before.
Of course, if I were to put a label on it, I'd think that his Quirk combined with the voice-cracking of puberty, would produce a sound so-horrifying that it makes paint peel. Metaphorically and literally.
Resurrection99: How the fuck did I not realize these are the fucking characters from Monster Musume!? Was it in the authors notes that I never read!? Probably. To be fair I never actually watched or read it lol.
Re: Well, I think me having my SI think Kuroko Smith was from Men in Black might've done something to mislead you~
(Guest): Didnt he already know about Mon and Zombina? why did he react like that? it could have also been just a joke.
Re: He knew the "Where" and the "What", but not the "Who". The "Who" just got "lost in the shuffle".
Also, if you think breaking a barstool over another person's head as a joke… That is messed… UP!
*AHA*
"Alright, Takehiko, listen up! You've got a good while before school starts in April, but no-one's going to give you any freebies just because you spent a year collecting bed sores in the coma ward! Hitomi signed you up for Damoto Junior High this spring so you'd be able to start your first year with that little sister of hers, but it's going to be on you to play catchup if you wanna be up to snuff!" Kuroko explained the following morning at breakfast as she dropped a stack of paperback and hardback books on the table in front of me; the textbooks were second-hand, the workbooks new. "Since the Villain attacks you were exposed to were somewhat severe, the truancy officers shouldn't give you any trouble, at least as long as you stay inside during school hours. Until April, your job will be to either help around the house, or study your scrawny little butt off!"
" . . . Hmmmm."
Oh, the joys of the public education system… Ah, hell, maybe things have actually improved over the last two-hundred years. And then again, I was technically running on Japanese hardware, sooooo…
"You got it, boss," I nodded, grabbing the book from the top of the stack and beginning to read as I ate.
"Ah, well… You're a good little worker bee, aren't ya?"
"Mmhmm."
"You know… You can afford to procrastinate a little bit."
"Can't hear you. Studying."
"Well… Just remember! All work and no play-"
"-makes Jack a dull boy," I interrupted. "Or whoever that proverb covers in the Japanese translation."
" . . . "
"He's got your number~" Doppel grinned.
"Oh quiet, you. You flashed him the goods the moment you met him."
"Technically they were someone else's goods~"
"Are the mornings always like this?" I asked looking up from my book as Doppel and Kuroko exchanged witty repartes.
"Only when we're together," Manako replied with a tired, but happy sigh.
*AHA*
The Japanese school year begins in April, ends in March, and is divided into three semesters.
The first semester begins in April and ends around July 20. For most elementary, junior high, and high school students, Summer Vacation lasts from July 20 through August 31, barring any regional differences. However, because Summer Vacation doesn't mark the separation between academic years, students often had homework to do, and would even continue to go to school if-only to take part in their club activities. The second semester begins in early September and continues until about December 20, when the students go on Winter Vacation. The third and final semester of the school year begins in early January and ends in mid-March. Students have midterm and final exams for each semester, and in some places go to school six days a week instead of just five.
It was mid-November now, so if I'd been going to school instead of laying in the coma ward for twelve months, I'd be in the middle of my second semester of my 6th Grade year. That meant I had around… four and a half months to re-digest everything I'd need to know for a complete Japanese Elementary School education. Knowledge I could wave off as having forgotten due to my time in the coma ward.
At least, if I actually needed to justify it to anyone…
Thankfully, like with "my" Horology skills, everything Takehiko had learned before his coma came back to me over the course of the refresher faster than if I were relearning from scratch. The old knowledge settled back into place like the pieces of a puzzle I'd put away halfway through and started over again, but already knew went where, later. While the task of re-educating myself at first had been daunting, I now believed I could make my final deadline and be ready to go to middle school.
. . . Again . . .
Thankfully, the fact that the brain I was doing this all with no longer had Autism, meant I was going about this task at a blistering speed compared to what I would've been able to do in my old Autism-addled brain. Combine that with a pre-30s brain capable of staying "on-task", and hopefully school would be easier this time around. More fulfilling like everyone prattled about in the sitcoms.
Kuroko, Tio, Doppel, Zombina, and Manako were all able to hang around for breakfast since Asaka-shi had a low percentile of super-criminals running around, but I'll admit, with the quiet that came with having this huge apartment all to myself, it felt kind of lonely. Which was weird since before I'd reincarnated, I was already living by myself and rarely spoke a word to anyone except when it was over the phone or at dinner with my grandparents.
God, they must've been devastated finding out I'd died before them…
All these conflicted feelings, of course, only served to drive home that I was starting life over from the beginning. If I hadn't woken up to a network of people willing to offer their hands to me and help raise me back up, I'd have probably wound up floundering through school and having to become a convenience store clerk, or bounce between multiple jobs like out of Persona 5.
Ah, well, thoughts for another day. Until then, study, study, study~! Work, work, work~!
*AHA*
In the days to follow, I established a bit of a routine for myself. Even wrote the whole thing down because if I didn't actually stick to it, I might fall prey to old habits, procrastinate until "the last minute", and then crash and burn right before junior high because of aforementioned procrastinating.
The routine is as-follows…
Step 1: Wake up at 5 AM.
It was my "working man's routine" in my previous life, and if it served me well then, it can serve me well now.
Step 2: Make everybody breakfast.
If I was going to live in their house, eat their food, spend their money, and potentially have erotic dreams about them once I was swimming in teen hormones, the least I could do is pamper them a little before they marched off toward their never-ending battle.
Step 3: Read my textbooks and do the accompanying workbook assignments (on rotation) until noon.
Kinda self-explanatory…
Step 4: Make a home-cooked lunch.
It was important I become used to working with Japanese foodstuffs in my new "everyday life". Especially since half the brands for foodstuffs I worked with in my previous life I don't even recognize. Then again, two hundred years and a borderline Dark Ages with superpowers will do that to a food market.
Step 5: Cardio in downstairs gym; 10km run.
Healthy body, healthy brain; healthy brain, healthy grades.
Step 6: Resume studying until I get sick of it or one of Mon comes home; whichever comes first.
Like Kuroko said before I talked over her, 'all work and no play makes whoever-the-proverb-applies-to-in-the-Japanese-translation a dull boy.'
Step 7: Light cleaning around the house before all of Mon comes home.
Though this was probably stereotypical as hell and colored by all the anime I watched before dying, a Japanese(-ish) man who can cook, clean, and do housework won't want for a spouse.
Step 8: Go to bed between 9 or 10 PM.
Early to bed, early to rise. Oh, and I try to squeeze in my "100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats" somewhere along the way.
Rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat, rinse, repea-
"Geez, enough already!"
*AHA*
Interrupted from my reverie and only briefly shocked by her "and I use the term loosely~" outfit, I look up to see Doppel looking down at me in the middle of my early-morning studying.
"Doppel? Shouldn't you be at work?" I blinked.
"It's Saturday. Also, I'm out of rotation for a while because I hid among the hostages one too many times and the Villains are starting to catch wise," she shrugged. "Now c'mon, it's a beautiful day out and you're starting to turn white."
"I am white."
Technically not untrue. Tokei Takehiko came from mixed ancestry; something I didn't typically dwell on because it wasn't technically my ancestry. When I put myself in the same thought as Takehiko's parents, I akinned myself to an adopted child since… Now I'm rambling.
"You know what I mean," she said rolling her eyes. "Come on," she hummed, her voice shifting as she turned into Hitomi, albeit with clothes on this time. "Don't you wanna got out for a day on the town with Hitomi-sensei~?"
Seeing her pull that same shit again, something inside of me snapped.
"STOP WEARING HER FACE!" I raged at her. Seeing her flinch back in shock, wearing Hitomi's face, only served to piss me off even more. "I KNOW HITOMI ISN'T HERE! THAT SHE HAS HER OWN LIFE! BUT DON'T YOU THINK FOR A SECOND THAT I'LL ENDURE SOME PHONYLIKE YOU PLAYING DRESS-UP WITH HER SKIN! YOU GOT MEEEE!?"
Huh. Must've been the scared kid in me agreeing for once with the jaded sentimental adult in me.
"I… I'm sorry," Doppel muttered apologized, hastily changing back. "You… You really miss her… don't you?" she asked as Hitomi's visage fell away in a curtain of platinum hair.
" . . . I do."
It was the only thing I could say.
Well, almost "the only thing".
"Sorry."
"N… No, it's fine, I… I crossed the line."
" . . . "
" . . . "
" . . . "
"So… You wanna go out on a grocery run? I promise not to wear Hitomi's face anymore."
" . . . Yeah, okay."
*AHA*
Surprisingly enough, mine and Doppel's trip to the grocery store was blissfully uneventful. I mean sure, we had to walk there since Doppel never got around to learning how to drive, but given she wore her "Japanese schoolgirl" disguise, no-one gave us any sideways glances. If anything, it looked like a brother and sister out to get groceries for dinner; at least according to the grocer at check-out.
Ordinarily you'd think with the way I looked, and the way Doppel "looked", that no-one would even think we were related. But, like an anime world, there were all kinds of hair colors that could crop up at random, so there wasn't a whole lot of reason for siblings to have to look like one another.
I bet it was awkward as hell when a four-year-old started barfing liquid metal and the father demanded a paternity test because neither he nor his spouse had a Quirk that would possibly result in one like that.
Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if every time a child's Quirk "deviated" from his parents', that the knee-jerk response was- "The babies got switched!" -or- "We took the wrong kid home!" -, at least whenever it wasn't a question of infidelity.
Anyhow, Doppel and I actually had a really great time out. Sure, it was only something as domestic as getting groceries, but the walk and the small chat were half the fun. The grocery store looked almost exactly like anime portrayed them to, and surprisingly-enough, there were actually Heroes there in their Hero Costumes shopping for groceries. Of course, with how-frequently the cashiers offered the Hero Costume-wearing individuals discounts, I had to wonder how many of them were legitimately Heroes and how many were just in cosplay to save a couple hundred yen at checkout…
Ah well, not my problem~
"So, what's on the menu tonight? Hamburgers?" I asked looking at the ground beef in my bag.
"Hamburg steak~" Doppel grinned. "A little juvenile, but Manako actually makes them pretty well~ And she's definitely a better cook than Hitomi~"
The way she froze up shortly after, even I could tell she thought she'd stepped on a landmine.
I decided to cut her a little slack.
"Oh? Sounds like there's a story behind that~"
"Well, I actually heard this from Manako, so I might be missing a few details," she amended, "but apparently she wasn't allowed to use the knives as a teenager after she hurt herself too many times, so all she can cook now is, get this… medamayaki~"
Medamayaki… Eggs sunny-side-up?
"I see you're trying to figure it out~"
"Figure what out?"
"The joke! The really great joke!" Doppel grinned. " . . . Okay, I'll spell it out for ya," she said after a moment. "See, basically, when you write it out with these Kanji, it looks like some kind of torture~" she said weaving a complex pattern with her hair that shifted between black and white, the final Kanji in the column reading-
"Roasted eyeball…?" I blinked, trying to translate.
English was still my best language, so the subtle nuance of Hiragana, Katakana, and Kanji as related to humor in this country were still a little lost on me…
"Huh. And here I thought the joke would end with how medamayaki look like eyeballs…"
"Mmmmm… I guess Manako tells it better," Doppel shrugged. "Anyway, I like bizarre food, the weirder the better-"
However, my attention lapsed as a slightly out-of-place sound met my ears, which were beginning to burn for some reason.
*FLUTTER*FLUTTER*FLUTTER*FLUTTER*
'The hell is that?'
I was going to regret this. I just knew I was going to regret this. But even with all my warning bells going off, I dug in my heels and slowly turned around to face…
*AHA*
"WAH?!"
Doppel dropping her groceries as Takehiko's panicked yelp met her ears, cursed herself for letting her guard down. Peeling away her disguise, countless tendrils of platinum-white hair filled with baleful eyes and sharp teeth flared out around her. Countless lines of sight darting every which way, the next moment a hand-me-down sneaker struck her in the face, only without a foot behind it.
"What the hell…?" she blinked as she beheld the abandoned sneaker in her hand, and the abandoned groceries scattered a few paces before her.
The sound of screaming livestock up and away from her sounding out, Doppel slowly turned to eye the retreating figure in the distance.
"Wellllll… Shit," she cursed as a blue feather fluttered down to the ground before her… TAUNTINGLY!
*AHA*
You might be asking yourself, how did I stay so composed after being attacked by three Villains prior and abducted by a fourth?
The short answer: I didn't…
"HWAAAAAAUGH!"
Also, if anyone asks, that goat-like scream was a ringtone I got as a joke, not a noise that came out of my mouth. And you can't prove otherwise!
In all seriousness, my brain pretty much fucking stalled when the ground fell out beneath my feet, my stomach plummeting into my ankles like discarded groceries as Doppel became little more than a dot in the distance. In the immortal words of Egon Spengler, I immediately became terrified "beyond the capacity for rational thought".
It wasn't that I was afraid of heights or anything. And that isn't just me bullshitting like all those people that say- "It's not like I'm afraid of {Insert Fear Here} or anything." No, what I'm afraid of is the falling, that comes after the high place.
Roller coasters? I'm cool with it; they're firmly tethered to the ground, and I'm firmly strapped into the cart that's firmly mounted on the rails. Those go-really-high-and-fall-straight-down rides? Fuuuuck thaaat!
So yeah, suffice it to say that while I was too scared to hang onto the ankles of the thing that had abducted me, I was also diametrically "too scared to let go"…
Dammit, where's a flying Hero when you need one? I'm about to lose my shit here!
Wait a minute… Is that a person…? Holy fuck, I'm SAVED!
"OIIIII!" I cried out at the top of my lungs into the middling distance. "OVER HEEEEERE!"
A head of tortilla-colored hair bound into a high ponytail snapping up at the sound of my voice, leather aviator goggles turning toward me, I was almost immediately spotted by who I assumed to be a slender young woman in a leather jacket, tight-fitting jeans, sneakers, and the biggest, most beautiful pair of snow-white angel wings I'd ever seen.
"YES! YOU SAW ME! THANK GOODNESS! DON'T JUST FLOAT THERE LIKE A GUARDIAN ANGEL AND WATCH! DO SOMETHING! I'M BEING ABDUCTED HERE!"
The white-winged woman jolting at my words, instead of doing anything to help me however…
"You… BITCH!" I cried as she completely ignored me and flew away, the white of their wings vanishing into the wild blue yonder moments later.
After that, I made the mistake of looking down past my sock and remaining shoe, all the blood draining out of my face at how high I'd gotten…
*AHA*
Either whatever had abducted me had gotten bored, or they'd arrived exactly at their premeditated destination, because the next time I came to, I found myself draped across the branch of a tall tree, dappled sunlight shining down on me through the leaves overhead.
Huh, didn't know Japan's trees still had leaves in November…
'No wait, that bullshit isn't important! WHERE THE HELL AM I?!'
Following Torino's advice and taking stock of my surroundings, preparing a three-dimensional map in my mind so I could compile attack vectors and escape routes, to my immediate confusion, I realized that instead of being dropped into the middle of the Japanese wilderness where no-one could hear me scream, I was in one of the trees of the park Doppel and I had passed on the way to the grocery store.
"This is… significantly anti-climactic…" I said rubbing my eyes, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating…
"You awake?" a childish voice asked me as a winged figure roosted upon the branch next to mine.
She was a tiny little thing clad in short pants and a fluffy vest with fur lining at the collar, and she looked to be around my age with medium-length messy light-blue hair and orange eyes, one strand standing upright. She had three bird-like talons on each foot, the claws razor sharp like knives with yellow scales cladding her legs up to her mid-thighs, and in place of her arms, there were massive, blue-feathered wings the same color as her hair, her wingspan around… 4 meters?
I recognized her as my abductor almost-immediately, but her child-like demeanor… was a stark contrast to the image I'd constructed in my head.
"Um… Who the hell are you?"
"Papi! Papi's Papi the harpy!" she returned merrily.
" . . . Hah?"
"Like Papi was saying, Papy the harpy… Or was it Parpy the puppy? Pahi? Par Pipa Papi Hapi… Papi Parpi Pipi Penis?"
'Oh my god she's retarded…!'
Not that I'm disparaging the differently-abled, I'm just stating the fact that this girl is literally, mentally retarded.
Of course, assuming this isn't just an act, it still leaves me the question why the fuck she abducted me…!
"If you don't mind… I'm just gonna climb down from here…"
"No pro! No pro! I'll just knock you out and you can fly away~!"
" . . . Wait whaAAAAAAAAGHT!" I cried as she suddenly leapt at the branch I was draped across, grasping it with her talons and flapping her wings, sending it waggling like crazy. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck! OW!" *Thump* "OOF!" *Thud* "SONOVA!" *Whump* " . . . Ow…" I groaned after hitting every branch on the way down, mechanically angling up my head to the nearby pedestrians a few seconds later. "Oh, right, don't help me out all at once, guys…!" I growled as they went about their own business as though they hadn't seen. 'Assholes.'
"You having problems?" Papi asked cutely from her roost.
"Yeah… And she's got blue feathers and talons…"
" . . . Well if I see her, I'll give her a stern talking-to," she said waggling a single thumb-like digit in a lecturing manner.
" . . . !"
Calm breath...! Count to ten…!
. . .
. . .
. . .
Okay done.
"So… You wanna explain why you kidnapped me?" I bit out as I climbed to my feet, dusting myself off.
"Otou-san says I can't go out without supervision~" she replied with an innocent smile as though that answered everything.
Surprisingly enough, her statement answered zero questions; the same amount my bullshit tolerance was nearing.
Funny coincidence that.
"Yeah, well, I ain't your family and I don't know you, so-"
"Hey! Hey, what's that?! Food?!" Papi suddenly blurted out as she fluttered down to land beside me. "Is it for my mouth?!" she blurted happily as she linked a wing with my arm and dragged me off the grass.
"Hey! Are you even listening?!" I demanded as she dragged me toward an ice cream truck in the middle distance.
*Tap*Tap*Tap*
" . . . Hey. Who are you?" she suddenly questioned, looking at me like I were the abductor.
'Yup. Definitely retarded…' I thought to myself, wondering if a modern Japan even used "short busses", or if all the little "special needs" children had a joint chaperone.
*AHA*
After several more instances of her spotting the ice cream truck, linking her wing to my arm, dragging me toward aforementioned ice cream truck, forgetting who I was almost immediately, and then repeating the whole damn thing like an amnesiac toddler with the world's worst case of ADHD, we finally arrived at our destination.
At least until the little retarded harpy forgot about it again, leaving me standing at the front of the line with who was possibly the dumbest person I'd ever known in either of my lives.
And unfortunately, it fell onto me again to remind her of why we were here.
"Uh… 'food'?"
"Right! Food!" she squealed happily, looking at the posted menu before turning back to me. " . . . Got money?"
My brow twitching and a vein throbbing in my forehead like an anime character, I was a moment away from ripping into this little retard!
And thank God, that "moment" was swift to pass.
"Aaaalright. I've just about had it up to here with your bullsh-"
"Hey, come on now…" the man whose head looked like a blue scoop of ice cream said placatingly. "Siblings shouldn't fight, you know?"
"This little… weirdo," I grit out trying for a more socially-acceptable word, "is not my sister. In fact if it were up to me, I'd never have to see her again."
"C'mon, don't even joke about that," the man said adjusting his cap. "Listen, there's no sibling squabble that can't be solved with some of the world's best ice cream! It's on me, so just stop fighting."
Turning toward my little retarded kidnapper, I see her staring wistfully at the vanilla soft serve, a line of drool trickling down her chin.
The only indicator she hadn't completely checked out on me was that she hungrily slurped it up and eagerly licked her lips.
*SIIIIIGH* "Gimme a vanilla soft-serve and a grape popsicle."
"That's the spirit!" the man grinned as he got to work on Papi's order. "And remember, if a married couple divorces, they become total strangers, but the bond between siblings… That lasts a lifetime. Anyway! Make sure you two get along, alright?"
What a nice man. If I ever went full-on Super-Villain and killed everyone, I'd make a point to spare him.
*AHA*
"Hrmmmmmm…"
You know… In Ben 10: Omniverse when the Celestialsapiens put Ben on trial for re-creating the entire universe that one time, him getting all weepy about not being able to "get the grape flavor right", originally I didn't realize the unseen "horror" of being the only one "in-the-know". In fact, I thought it was just lazy writing that made Ben act so out-of-character in that episode, when in previous iterations his characterization was worthy of superhero teams like the Avengers or the Justice League.
Now however…
'Damn… Grape flavor doesn't taste right…' I thought as I mulled over the not-quite-grape-flavored popsicle I had in my hand. I don't really remember how I came to have grape become my preferred flavor of fruit juice over more-conventional flavors like apple or orange, but that there's this… "something" off about the grape flavor in this world compared to my old one…
Benjamin Kirby Tennyson, I apologize for thinking how stupid you looked in that episode. I now know your pain…
*Splat*
"Ah! AHHH! Papi didn't even get a single lick!"
'And then there's this nightmare…!' I thought as the little harpy girl bemoaned the loss of her iced treat, which was currently smeared all over the ground.
Of course, she did only have the one finger to hold the cone with…
"Here," I sigh holding my arm to the side as I slumped onto the empty bench we'd (read: I'd) found. "You can have mine."
No huge loss on my end. And I don't think she was aware-enough of… anything really, to care about an "indirect kiss" from a complete stranger.
Besides, I was 11. I doubt that sorta thing even "counted" right now.
*Suck*Suck*Suck*
"Um… Can't you hold it yourself?" I asked ignoring the more… risqué imagery her sucking on my grape popsicle with her eyes blissfully closed invoked.
"Papi hill hust hawp it hagin, ho hold it hor her."
Which I'll assume to have meant-
"Papi will just drop it again, so hold it for her."
God, I hope Doppel found me soon…
*Smack* *Slurp*
"So good…~" she cooed coming up for air before going down on it again.
" . . . "
Boy, this would've looked all kinds of wrong if I held the popsicle out for her to eat in front of me at waist level for whatever reason.
Thankfully, I am not that stupid~
"Ah!" Papi cried as she slurped the last of the grape popsicle from the stick, flinging it into the air before it came down and spattered upon her face, spreading a purple goo on her cheeks and hair. "Oh… Papi's all sticky…"
"Uuugh…! Come on…" I groaned tiredly as I got to my feet. "Let's find a bathroom or something for you to-"
A pair of short pants slapping me in the face a moment later, pulling them away, I was immediately assailed by a pair of blue pinstripe panties, a black tube top, and then a fluffy vest. Divesting my obscured vision of those articles, my jaw dropped as I beheld a pale white butt flouncing merrily toward the nearby fountain.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I cried snapping my head to the side.
"Huh? Papi's taking a bath, duh."
"That's not what I meant! Why did you take off your clothes?"
"Don't you take your clothes off when you take a bath?" she questioned. "Don't you know anything?" she then questioned with an amused snort.
'Christ, this birdbrain is calling me stupid?' I groaned. "Whatever, just hurry up and get dressed! Being a kid doesn't make it-"
"WHEEEE!" *SPLASH!* " . . . AAUUUUUGH! COOOOOOOLD!" she cried leaping out, flapping her soggy wings impotently.
"Oh, now you notice…" I deadpan, noticing that the little harpy's nudity was beginning to draw a crowd of blushing men (and the occasional woman) all across the age spectrum. 'Jesus, fucking, Christ, is everybody in this country a damn pervert…?' I thought to myself drawing in a breath. "SHE'S TEN!" I lowballed at the top of my lungs, letting all of my bottled-up fury spill out.
The majority of the gathered crowd who had once been entranced by Papi's… euuuuugh… "naked glory", had the decency to drain the blood from their faces (and their pants…) and scatter like cockroaches when you turn the kitchen lights on in the morning.
Or Kuroko before she had her morning coffee! Ba-dum-tss!
. . .
Ahem.
As for those that remained however that stood on the outlier of polite society…
"OI! YOU COME ANYWHERE NEAR THIS NAKED TEN-YEAR OLD, AND I'LL FIRE MY LASER EYES, INTO, YOUR, DIIIICK!"
It's simply amazing what you can get people to fall for in this world as long as you say it with a completely straight face.
No, seriously, it is, really amazing what you can get people to fall for in this world as long as you say it with a completely straight face, because no sooner had I said those words that the closet(?) pedophiles in the surrounding area had left dust clouds in their wakes. And though I didn't include the word "vagina" into my threat, the message carried across to any would-be pedophiles of the… fairer sex as well.
"Well, that's one shitshow sufficiently dealt with…" I groaned as Papi finally managed to flounder her way out of the cold November fountain water. "Now to deal with this little-"
*FLUTTER*FLUTTER*FLUTTER*
My pulse cranking into overdrive at the sound of wings flapping that met my ears, I beheld the white-winged girl who'd forsaken me before coming in for a landing, her heels scraping the ground with an impotent- "…Hup! Whoa, whoa, whoa!" -and a *CRASH* as she plowed into a nearby trashcan. " . . . I meant to do that," she said to anyone who might've seen that.
Me. "Anyone" included me, by the way~
"Oi~" I growled irritably, dredging as much of my pre-30s self as I could muster to the surface. "Hey, there, friend~ You got a license for those wings~?"
"Th-The fuck do y-you want?" the girl cheeped, actually cheeped at me.
"What I want isn't as important as what you want~"
"A-And… just what is it that-that I want?" she shuddered, goosebumps lining the backs of her hands.
"Why, to help a bird of a feather after she took a little… spill, in the nearby birdbath," I said tilting my head toward a shivering Papi, who was thankfully smart-enough to wrap her wings around her body to shield herself from the cold. "Here. You'll wanna get to work with these," I said handing Papi's clothes to her.
*AHA*
All I was really able to wheedle out of the girl was her surname; Tobita. Beyond that, she wasn't really forthcoming with any other details about herself, but I assumed that her description and her Quirk were distinctive enough, even in a town allegedly full of Heteromorphs, that she was afraid of me raising a stink because I caught her using her Quirk without a proper license. Like the "Forklift License" I'd gotten in my previous life as part of my workplace training, depending on your occupation in this world, you could get a specialized license which would allow you to make use your Quirk in public spaces, provided it had something to do with your vocation; obviously, something Tobita completely lacked for.
Seeing as how I had no desire to get caught in the bathroom with a naked whatever-year-old girl, I more or less implied I'd let her off the hook and pretend our little… altercation, never happened if she got Papi dried off and dressed in my stead.
Unlike in WarGames where the only way to win was not to play, Tobita had no choice but to play ball.
Sometimes I really love being a grown man inhabiting a child's body~
*AHA*
"Remember! I don't wanna see a drop of water on 'er! I want that girl dry as a freakin' bone!" I called into the nearby ladies' room over my shoulder as I finally got around to texting Doppel my location.
Which, as it turned out, wasn't entirely necessary since she could just track my phone.
I'll assume she didn't call me in the intervening period between my departure from her company and right now, because she didn't want to alert whatever "Villain" had kidnapped me to the presence of a GPS-trackable device on my person.
'Well, at least I'll finally be able to pawn off all this responsibility to an actual adult…' I thought as Tobita and Papi came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, the latter gloriously clad in a full set of clothing.
Or at least as-full a set of clothing could be considered when it didn't include shoes, sleeves, or pant legs.
"There. She's all dry," Tobita said brusquely, fidgeting nervously.
Before I could wave the girl off and sleep this whole day off like a bad hangover, a clamoring of the crowd drew my attention to the side. My eyes panning up toward a tree that was partly surrounded, I spied a small child who had somehow gotten stuck on a tall branch; tall-enough in fact that people were wondering if they should call for a fire truck. If she fell from that height and no-one caught her' she'd be dead meat probably.
"Is she nesting?" Papi questioned innocently.
"No. And I doubt that girl's gonna be able to hold on for much longer…" Tobita hummed nervously. "What should we do?"
"Why the hell are you asking me? And didn't you abandon me less than a half-hour ago?"
"No pro! Leave it to Papi! I'll ram into it and knock her out!"
Oh sweet salty Christ…
*Flutter*Flutter*Flutter*FLOP!*
" . . . P-Papi's feathers are all soggy… Papi can't fly…?!" the little blunette realize while I gave Tobita a disappointed look.
" . . . What? Those things are freaking huge!" she protested.
" . . . Fine. You get a pass," I said watching Papi try to shake her entire four-meter wingspan dry. Turning my attention back to the crowd, I bore witness to an absolutely sinful amount of people succumbing to the Bystander Effect; the psychological effect that dictates, when one is in the presence of others, they'll be discouraged from intervening in an emergency situation, against a bully, or during an assault or other crime because- 'Someone else will do it.'
That I was forced to endure the nattering of thirty-something grown men and women repeat minor variations of- "Let's wait for a Hero to arrive." -, only reinforced the probability that the complete and total collapse of Japan's hero-reliant society, would-in-fact, happen within my own lifetime.
"Ah…!"
"OH NO!"
"EEEK!"
"GASP!"
What kind of moron just says 'gasp' out loud? Also, OH SHIT!
*WHOOSH!*
A flash of blue shooting over the gathered bystanders, plumage scattering, I realized that Papi had somehow managed to take flight and had caught the little girl across her stomach mid-fall.
That realization swiftly turned to dread as Papi once-again plummeted toward the ground like a stone with precious cargo in tow, her feathers still too soggy to fly.
The panicked surge of adrenaline coursing through me at this moment causing my "Tactical Time Dilation" to snap into my place around my eyes, synapses fired as I contemplated if I'd be able to do anything to change the outcome of what was about to happen. As soon as I realized with dread that the woefully inept crowd barring my path would've made any effort on my part pointless, in another flash of plumage, this time in white, Tobita had shot up above the crowd with wings spread wide as she wrapped her slender arms around Papi and the small child. Wings fluttering frantically, face red with effort, by some miracle they were able to stick the landing without dropping their precious cargo.
"Hah…! Nailed it…!" Tobita panted, the surrounding crowd cheering as the small child was successfully rescued.
Of course, having to listen to those same assholes prattle on in differing variations of- "I'd have done it better if she hadn't." -only further reinforced the belief I held that I would-in-fact live to see the complete and total collapse of Japan's hero-reliant society within my own lifetime.
Maybe if I learned how to live in the wilderness like a Survival manga, I could just "fuck off to Europe without a trace" and wait for the dust to settle?
Thoughts for another day.
*AHA*
With Papi and Tobita receiving accolades for their actions, a grateful mother brought to tears at her daughter's rescue, I decided to leave the two of them to the crowd as I took a nearby seat, waiting for Doppel to arrive.
I didn't have to wait much longer apparently as a familiar black van come to a stop at one of the park entrances. Doppel leaping out a moment later and looking for me frantically, as soon as she spotted me she bolted, squeezing the life out of me with deceptive strength the moment I'd gotten up to meet her.
"Ow, hey! I'm still really sore from the fall."
"You fell?!"
"Amongst other things…" I groaned. "Hey, Kuroko. How're things?"
"I should be asking you that. What is this, the fourth time some Villain attacked you?"
"It's… a little more complicated than that…" I amended since, as a formerly retarded person myself, I wasn't too keen on throwing Papi under the bus when I definitely could.
*AHA*
"So Papi's at it again I see…"
"Wait, you mean this has happened before?!" I gawped at Kuroko's response to the re-telling of my quote/unquote "adventure".
"Yeah, she's a bit of a troublemaker, but… her dad is a man in a high place."
"Do I even want to know?"
Was it wrong that I imagined a giant retarded bird-man sticking his butt out over the side of a skyscraper to drop "yogurt" on pedestrians?
"You'll have to. He overheard the entire thing~"
"You were recording this the whole time?!" I cried as Kuroko waved her phone my way.
"Oh yeah. He has a real soft spot for his little girl," Kuroko nodded, a police cruiser pulling up moments later. "Speaking of which…"
The driver's side door opening, stepping out into the chilly air was a tall, muscular man with a trimmed bristle-like mustache, his slicked back hair black with a slight cowlick. Between the stern expression on his face, the physique, and the black suit he wore, he looked rather intimidating what with the angry look on his face.
Of course, any fear of the man I had immediately evaporated as soon as he saw his daughter, frolicking towards her with a weepy smile on his face.
"Papi!"
"Papa?"
"Papiii!"
"Papa!"
"Papiiiii!
" . . . Hey. Who are you?"
I do not envy this man.
*AHA*
Amazingly-enough, Papi actually did remember who this man was all on her own without any real prompting from me or anyone else.
"Eeeee! Papa, stop! You're giving me rug burn!" Papi squealed giddily as her weeping father hugged her.
"Takei-kun," Ms. Smith said walking up to me. "I'm glad you're alright."
"Yeah… Sure…" I said ignoring my bruised ribs; something I'd actually been able to ignore the entire time because of how close I came to reaching the bottom threshold of my "BS Limit".
"Takehiko-kun." Looking up, I saw the man whom I would later learn was the local Chief of Police walking toward me, holding the part of Papi's wing where her thumb-like finger was present. "I want to offer my sincerest gratitude for looking out for my daughter today," he said bowing his head to me, grabbing his daughter's head so she did the same. "If she were to have attached herself to anyone with… less-than-pure intentions, I'd have never been able to forgive myself. Arigatou gozaimasu!"
"Itadakimasu~!" Papi chirruped as she bowed her head.
"Right… You're welcome…" I said moving to bow back, only to wince as I grabbed at my aching ribs, knees quivering, though I managed to remain upright.
" . . . Tokei."
Oh crap, she used my real name.
"Take off your shirt," Kuroko demanded.
" . . . I don't get to say 'no', do I?"
"No you do not."
Having no other choice, I raised up my shirt, revealing the spattering of purple bruising around my ribs where I'd hit every branch on the way down.
"Hey! You got grape stuff on you too!" Papi blurted out, completely oblivious to the goings-on as her father hung his head in shame.
"Ms. Smith, I'll pay whatever restitution you require, just please… Don't let them take away my little girl," Papi's father pleaded as he bowed to Ms. Smith.
"Excuse me, um…" I interrupted Ms. Smith, making a 'gimme something to work with here' motion with my hand.
"Kuroyama Koichi," the man greeted with a lesser bow.
"Right, Kuroyama-san… Is it alright if I ask… what's Papi's deal?"
"Meal? Is it food time~?"
"Her um… 'deal'…?" he asked cautiously.
"You know… Whoo-whoo-whoo~" I sounded out, swirling a finger at my temple.
"That's the sound papa's car makes~!"
"Ah, um, well, she has mild-spectrum autism, coupled with an extreme case of ADHD. Autism is-"
"Autism is when a person's brain is 'wired differently' from what society considers 'the norm'. ADHD is Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder, characterized by the subject being easily distracted, forgetful, and hyper-talkative amongst other things."
" . . . What?" the man blinked as though he couldn't believe what had just come out of 'this eleven-year-old's' mouth. An expression shared by Doppel and to a lesser degree Ms. Smith.
"Relax, I'm not going to hold the fact that she's slightly retarded against her."
"Ooh, oh boy, Take, I don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know?" Doppel said nervously.
Really? She's trying to be politically correct about something?
"I'm not disparaging the differently-abled, I'm stating a fact that, technically, Papi is mentally impaired. It isn't her fault, she didn't ask to be born that way, it isn't something you can 'fix', only 'rise above'."
"Okay, yeah but, I don't think it's about logic, Take. I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing."
"Well that's retarded," I say rolling my eyes.
*AHA*
"So, um, Kuroko-san," Kuroyama hummed sidling over to Ms. Smith as Tokei, Doppel, and Papi got into an animated discussion, the latter having no idea what exactly was going on. "If you don't mind me asking, what is his 'deal'?"
" . . . He's been attacked by Villains more times than he should've had to endure, with Heroes showing up too few times for us to be proud of," she answered adjusting her sunglasses.
"Ah, I see. I'm… sorry to hear that…"
As a Chief of Police, he was intimately aware of how the people perceived his profession; little-different than 'mall cops', the 'cleanup crew' after Heroes 'did the real work' that came with fighting the Villains. It wasn't a glamorous occupation, it didn't pay as well as Heroes, they didn't get any measure of praise, and no-one got to use the Quirks they did have that were functionally 'usable'. People rarely treated Heroes like the sort that 'failed' while for cops, failure was expected as 'the Default setting'; a fact that wasn't helped by many attendees at the police academy being Hero School dropouts. To actually witnessthe result of the failings of their Hero-reliant society, how it could completely and utterly warp a child who, at his age, should be happy and carefree into someone that sounded like a jaded, tired, irritated working stiff…
It made him cherish his daughter all the more, 'weird' as she was.
"So… What's your relationship with him?" he asked watching Doppel fret over him, checking his body for additional injuries. The Mon Agency was more 'tactical' in their approach to fighting Villains, guns, sniping, breaching charges, etc., so they and the police actually had a better working relationship with one another than most Hero Agencies in the entire country. As such, he'd developed a bit of an 'eye' for when Doppel was wearing one of her infamous 'skin suits', and the amount of care she was showing was not the sort that Heroes typically reserved for complete strangers.
Sure, most of them would put on a pretty face for the cameras, kiss hands, shake the babies, so-on and so-forth, but surprisingly few in the occupation actually cared about the welfare of others. Nowadays the HPSC were giving Licenses to anyone with a pulse, by and large middle school bullies who had their heads filled with nothing but praise from early childhood just-because they happened to have a strong and/or flashy Quirk.
"He's our 'young ward'. The adorable little stray we took in at a friend's request," Kuroko answered. "To be honest, I wasn't completely thrilled about the idea at first; originally I was just going to let him raise himself, let the more motherly of my girls do the actual 'rearing'. But… seeing the way he comports himself, like someone who was forced to grow up too quickly because us adults completely and utterly failed him… I kinda wish he'd be more child-like to be honest. Do you know that he turned down every video game console and VR headset I offered to buy him the other day?"
Loathe as she was to admit it, her original plan had been to placate him with video games so he'd be out of her and the girls' hair for long swaths of time. Gender segregation had long since ceased to exist in their occupation since Quirks didn't discriminate by gender, but even if women in the Hero industry didn't face the same 'glass ceiling' as women in other occupations, their line of work in off itself was still hyper-competitive, and took a great deal of dedication to remain "relevant".
"I… wasn't aware…" Kuroyama hummed, amazed that any child would turn away something that'd become so-ingrained in the culture. Even in the '22XXs', Japan still produced some of the best video games in the world, importing to the west in amounts that had changed very little before the advent of Paranormality. Papi herself loved the games that relied on motion controls, what with only having a single functional finger to use on those things. "I'm sorry for what my daughter did to him. I'm sure he must've been so frightened," he said, aware of how-high his little girl could fly when she put her mind to it, and how-much damage her talons could cause without any amount of 'mind' put to it.
Having to put up with Heroes bragging about their Quirks all the time at even the slightest provocation, he was quite aware of how-suited his daughter's Heteromorphic traits were to the occupation with how many years he'd had to endure such prattling. An impressive flight speed that could rival police helicopters, incredible cruising distance to make his blood pressure go through the roof, an impressive maximum 'payload', talons like knives if she ever got into a scrap…
Had she ever shown any interest in becoming a Hero, he'd support her 100%. However, because of her… 'affliction', he doubted she'd have the attention span necessary to complete the course work such a career would entail. In a borderline toxic, hyper-competitive workplace like that, she'd be eaten alive and probably opt out after the first year or so. While he only wanted 'the very best' for his little girl, knowing she likely wouldn't make it her job to rush headlong into danger, well… it did his old heart some measure of good to know she had the pedestrian lifestyle waiting for her.
"You know, I'm willing to overlook a little bruising," Kuroko said cutting him off from his thoughts. "With how much this crummy world's kicked him around, it's no wonder he's as thick-skinned as he is. However…"
Koichi gulped as an ominous red glint seemed to hum from behind the woman's shades.
"If that little chicken cutlet of yours puts so much as a scratch on him… there will be hell to pay…!"
Part of him wanted to say motherhood was a good look on her… But that was also the same part of his brain that'd get him killed at HeroCon if he dared get political about All Might at one of the man's dedicated panels…
"R-R-Right! I'll be sure to keep that in mind," he gulped, well aware the wrath of a mother's fury, adoptive or not.
*AHA*
AN:
Tobita, Koichi Kuroyama, and Papi Kuroyama are not OCs but characters from Nurse Hitomi's Monster Infirmary and Monster Musume: Everyday Life with a Monster Girl respectively. In the Canon, the Police Chief is never given a name, so Spaceman helped me come up with one.
Koichi = "Light/Shining First (Child)"
Kuroyama = "Black Mountain"
We have one for Papi's mother, but I couldn't think of a way to insert it organically into the narrative.
Obviously, a portion of the narrative was borrowed from MonMusu where Papi was concerned, but given it's November… Anyway, I think the part I had the most fun with was writing Kuroyama's monologue about the unseen side of Hero/Police relations. I mean hell, even All Might says it "isn't glamorous" when he initially tells Izuku he can't be a Hero. The only reason he treats Naomasa Tsukauchi with such respect is because in the Vigilantes spinoff, he becomes aware of the man's 'Clark Kent', and also agrees to file the post-incident Dispatch Reports freeing him up to help people however he wishes following Sir Nighteye's departure from his employ.
Anywho, this chapter went on a little longer than I'd anticipated, but the words just flowed so-naturally, I couldn't imagine it being any shorter than this. So with all that in mind, be sure to leave some juicy Reviews, and I'll see you all next time!