Harleking31: The grim adventures of Billy and Mandy
You know, the second Take meets Hatsume is the second the crazy guns are born
And I can't wait to see that happen
Re: I'm amazed anyone out there remembers~ And honestly, that's one hell of a sentence I could only put down in a My Hero Academia story without the premise being completely ludicrous~ I mean have you seen half of the Quirks in that show? Some of them are just ludicrous…
As for that happening… He'll definitely get a boost to his Crafting Skill before he gets to Yuuei, if you catch my drift~ And if you're like me and you read Isekai, you know how-easily a Crafting Skill can become its own "Power System".
Being a critic of the Isekai sub-genre and enjoying it, are not always mutually exclusive.
Trux-Killer: Been a while for us to see how Clank and Sigmund are holding up. Hmmm, so the rift problem is happening all over the dimensions, even if it's out of sync due to time differences. Who knows what'll happen to the two, will they soon visit Takei to help when thing get too out of hand, or stay and watch like Uatu
Re: I feel like for the most-part they'll take a "stay and watch" approach, because Earth-AHA356 has been enduring the Rifts for around two centuries, and the less that appears to utterly mind-fuck them, the better.
Vtonic: Binged this, it's pretty good but I feel like it's pretty long but nothing has happened yet.
Re: A fair assessment. Once he's out of "house arrest" and can start interacting with people his own age, I'll be able to diversify.
That and when I'm able to introduce Mei, which will be earlier than Yuuei, that's for certain.
*AHA*
"Mmmm~ Smells good~" Tio swooned as I worked on my own contribution to the Thanksgiving day feast.
"Less swooning, more stirring!" Doppel chastised from behind the cutting board, the sum of Mon slaving away in the kitchen while Kuroko had passed out from exhaustion.
After gathering more than enough of what we planned to make, we split the fair in a 3/5 ratio between the Mon Agency's kitchen and the Manaka family's. Our own fridge filled to the brim, we loaded the perishables into the empty coolers Zombina's replacement parts were delivered in (all of which underwent a rigorous bleach disenfecting), the living room bogged down with what didn't need refrigeration. Given Hitomi couldn't cook worth and/or with a can of beans on top of Fumio being a no-show, and I imagined Mitsumi and Kuma had an even harder time of things on their end.
Even still, there was one dish I was confident I could prepare better than everyone else, and even if I looked like a total goof wearing this Shokugeki no Souma-style headband that Doppel tied around my head for laughs, I'd pour every last drop of blood, sweat, tears, and other miscellaneous fluids I could wring out (metaphorically) into the food I was preparing!
"UWOOOOOOOH!"
"Yeah, you show that rice stuffing whose boss, Gourmet Manga-kun!"
"If you've got breath to snark, you've got room to stir! Now get back to work!"
Misery loved company after all…
*AHA*
"Jeez…" I swore as I stared at the countless glass and ceramic cookware lined with tinfoil. "I know you girls have a healthy appetite… but isn't this too much even for us?"
"Hey… We threw out all the stops for your first turkey day with us…" Doppel panted, face-down in her 'chocolate loli' form. "The least you could be is a little grateful."
"I can't feel my legs."
"That's cause you tore your stitches again. Dumbass," I bit out as Zombina laid out in two halves nearby. "Well… We'll definitely be able to make plenty of Moist Makers with all this."
"Eleven-year-old-say-what-now?" Kuroko blinked suddenly sitting up, Tio, Manako, Zombina, and even Doppel looking at me with flushed expressions.
"You know, the sandwich from… that old… TV show…" I return lamely, really hoping that Friends was an old sitcom in this universe. "Stop looking at me like that."
"Stop looking at you like what?"
Christ… If there is a God out there, please let Friends have been a sitcom in this universe…
*AHA*
"Gran Torino?!" I gawped, throwing the door open after seeing the old man on the intercom, clad in his Hero Costume with an overnight bag and Tupperware in tow. "And who's this?" I asked glancing at the little old lady who'd arrived alongside him.
"An old friend of mine, if ya catch my drift~" Sorahiko grinned waggling a pinkie before getting a cane to the head.
"Hush, you!" the little old lady chastised with a wave of her cane. She was around the same size as Torino, her gray hair styled into a netted bun, a notably small nose and eyes as well as a long mouth with defined nasolabial folds defining her features. Attire-wise, she wore a plain pink dress with a darker shawl thrown over her shoulders, an ordinary-looking cane in her hand, but no overnight bag. "I'm Shuzenji Chiyo. It's a pleasure to meet you, young man. Here, have some candy," she said fishing some gummies from her pocket.
"Ah, thanks, but, I'm actually trying to cut back on my sugar intake," I replied politely after being presented with the colorful bears. I just… even in this lifetime, I still can't stand the "mouth-feel" of chewy candy, like gum, gummies, caramel, etc.
Also, was I stereotyping if part of me was wondering how long she'd had those things in her pocket?
"See? I told you Take-chan was a stiff," Torino harumphed.
"Well I think it's pleasant when a young'n is health-conscious," Chiyo returned taking back her gummies. "I hear you're the one Hitomi-chan saved."
"You're acquainted?" I blinked.
"Yes. Back when she was in the General Course, she was always bumping into things."
"Yeah, that sounds like her…" I deadpanned. "How do you two know each other?"
"He taught at Yuuei for a year, then completely flaked."
"Y-Yuuei you say…" I gulped. "Hey um, I don't mean to sound too forward or anything, but is it only Hero trainees that can get in on Recommendation, or can General Course students get in that way too?"
She seemed like the no-nonsense type, so better to come out and say it outright.
"Oh? Not wanting to become a Hero? That isn't what he's been advertising," Chiyo harumphed prodding Torino's cheek with her cane.
"If I can be absolutely candid with you… I'd prefer to have as-little to do with Heroes and Quirk-related society in general as physically possible."
"Because you feel like we've let you down?"
"'Feel like'? The tights & undies crowd has let me down; frequently, and repeatedly, on nonconsecutive occasions, repeatedly," I spat back.
Hell, with how short-of-supply pundits were in this world, maybe that's what I'd do with my life one day. I certainly had the chip on my shoulder for it…
"Geez, don't have a cow, Take-chan," Chiyo hummed. "As for your question… If you can get Hitomi to vouch for you after your stint at Damoto, I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you very much, miss," I bowed.
If I tried calling her "young lady" to her face, she's more-likely to just whack me with her cane instead of being flattered.
*AHA*
While Chiyo was off chastising Zombina about the abuses she inflicted on her own body, and to Tio about failing to mind her BMI, Hitomi, Mitsumi, and Kuma were next to arrive, the lot of them weighted down by many Tupperware and other dishes.
"Well, I'm glad we made all this extra food," Mitsumi in her 'Default' hummed thoughtfully.
"Just don't let your eyes be bigger than your stomach."
"Oh hah, hah, hah…" Mitsumi in her 'Top-chan' persona grumbled. "I am literally, holding, my sides."
"Yeah, nice to see you again too."
"Hey~! Takei-kun and Top-chan shouldn't fight~!" Mitsumi in her 'Mii-chan' persona went on to chastise.
Once again, I really the pity the boy and/or girl who tries to bed this adorable, hot mess…
*AHA*
"I see… I see…" Kuroko nodded into the phone. "I see, TAKE-CHAN!"
"What?"
"Good news! Your imouto's on her way! Looks like Koichi and the missus were able to make it after all~"
"Imouto...?" Mitsumi blinked.
"This many mouths to feed, I hope we have enough room…" I hummed eyeing the dining room table which was seated to capacity, as well as Zombina's ping-pong table, which had been retrofitted into the 'kiddie table' and was also seated to capacity…
"Just a little forewarning, her kaa-san's a bit of a spaz too, so you might wanna wait on the porch."
"Oh good lord, there's two of them…?!"
"INCOMIIIING!" Hitomi cried as something with an impressive wingspan descended upon the apartment's porch, a loud *THUMP!* sounding causing me to palm my face.
"Shouldn't you get an ice pack?" Mitsumi questioned.
"No need. I'll just wait five seconds and she'll forget about her head injury," I said sliding open the door, Chiyo pouting in the background. "Um… KUROKOOO!"
"Yeah?"
"Is Koichi some kind if pedophile?"
"Why do you ask?"
" . . . Because I think I'm looking at legal kiddie porn…" I said staring down at who I assumed was Papi's mother.
Aforementioned person was a harpy-like Heteromorph, same as Papi with blue wings and scaled legs. Their body types were almost identical too, although this potential bird-brain was extremely tan with long bleached-blond hair and heavy makeup. Between that and her short-sleeved button-up, pleated plaid-patterned skirt, with thigh-high socks and leg-warmers, she looked like a stereotypical Ganguro; "Gyaru" for a Western audience.
"What's with the Ganguro?" 'Top-chan' questioned.
"What's a Ganguro?" 'Mii-chan' then questioned cutely.
"You'll... learn when you're older," Mitsumi 'Prime' countered.
"My thoughts exactly."
"Ow… My head…" the harpy groaned as she sat up, heedless of the fact that her skirt had flipped up revealing very lacy black panties on a body I couldn't look at as an adult without an- "FBI OPEN UP!" -meme playing out IRL five seconds later.
" . . . You're Papi's mom… right?" I asked hoping it wasn't the alternative.
. . .
Eyuuhhhgh!
Gross.
"Yeah, I'm Papi's momma," the Ganguro harpy replied.
" . . . If Koichi doesn't have a good explanation for this, I'm going to have to make a call."
"And no jury on Earth would blame you," Kuroko nodded.
"Onii-chaaaaaaan!"
*THUMP!*
"Huh. Like mother, like daughter," I mused to myself as Papi too smeared herself on the patio window/door…
"Owieeeee! My heaaaaaaaad!"
"Come on. Let's go get you an ice pack," I said holding out my hand to her.
"Okie! Onii-chan!" Papi beamed happily, grabbing me by the hand with her weird little thumb thing.
*Tap*Tap*Tap*
"Oh hey, onii-chan! When did you get here?" Papi asked happily, no longer cradling her head.
Okay I know I was joking, but…!
*AHA*
After a brief round of introductions where Papi didn't remember Mitsumi even after meeting her multiple personalities, I decided to do the thing that kids did on Thanksgiving; watch television.
Ours was an international cable package because what happened in one country affected all of them, even in this "era of peace" we were all enjoying. Something familiar I saw was that even 200 years later, the Thanksgiving Day Parade was still... garishly gaudy and ostentatious. Only difference was the superheroes portrayed in the floats were real, and there were even real superheroes flying alongside.
This "Captain Celebrity" guy looked unobtrusively like a Superman expy.
"Sooo… Is this about everyone?" I asked Manako as the apartment started to fill up; I can only assume the soundproofing was quite significant, otherwise we'd have been flooded with noise complaints.
"Not yet. One of Kuroko's friends and her family will be coming, so about… four more," the shorter mono-eye answered.
"Four more, so that makes… eighteen mouths to feed," I hummed looking back at the kitchen, wondering whether or not there would be Moist Makers in my future. "How soon do you think the last of them will arrive? Sorahiko's getting cranky, and I don't like that look in Zombina's eye. And don't even get me started on Papi."
"I-I'm sure they'll be here soon."
*Knock*Knock*Knock-Knock*Knock*
*Knock*Knock*
"Oh, well, speak of the devil," I hum weaving through bodies and going to the door.
What greeted me when I arrived was a tall, curvaceous woman in the middling ground between her twenties and her thirties. Her eyes a sky blue that tilted downwards in the center and framed by a set of rather long eyelashes, her head of dark pruple hair was spiky and abundant formed into layers of varying lengths, the longest reaching down to her waist, her chin-length bangs parted to the sides of her face. She had a small beauty mark below her left eye, and her nails were printed red, but I only noticed that after catching an eyeful of her quote/unquote "outfit".
Aforementioned clothing instantaneously screamed "dominatrix", consisting of a breastless black leather leotard over a thin, skin-tight flesh-colored bodysuit that accentuated her voluptuous figure and left almost nothing to the imagination. The center strip of her leotard was embellished with red gemstone-like accessories in a vertical pattern extending from her collar to her midriff, and her long legs were clad in translucent black thigh-high garter stockings, which were attached to a burgundy utility belt decorated with gold studs around her hips, a matching pentagonal buckle at its center, and black knee-high boots. In front of her eyes was a thin red-colored domino mask-styled set of glasses, and a handcuff on each wrist.
"Why don't you take a picture young man? It'll last longer~" she purred seductively
" . . . Okay, which smartass ordered the Strippergram and thought it would be funny?" I grumbled angrily over my shoulder.
"Strippergram? Oh, such a naughty, naughty word~" the curvy woman swooned as she drew an ebony bullwhip tight before herself, tongue gliding provocatively across her lips as a heated expression came to her face. "I might just have to punish you for that~"
" . . . Yes, one-one-nine? Oh hey, Tom! How're the wife and kids doing? Yes, I'd like to report a sexual predator in my area. . . . Yes I'll hold."
"Ack! Wait-wait-wait! Stop! I can't afford to get written up again?!" the woman cried out almost immediately dropping the act.
I would later learn that her costume was on the "conservative" end of the "Racy Hero Costume" spectrum.
Later-after-that, I would learn that her original costume was basically a Nudist Beach uniform from Kill la Kill, just with a trench coat thrown over it half the time… and when she graduated all she did was throw a girdle over her midsection…
*AHA*
"Wow. Getting written up for sexual harassment by a ten-year-old. That's a new low even for you, onee-san~"
"Quiet, Kaori! Don't forget who has the bullwhip!"
"Which I'm sure your 'Midnight Boys' treat as a fringe benefit."
Oof, did the temperature just drop ten degrees in here or what?
The younger sister of Nemuri Kayama, aka the "R-Rated Hero: Midnight", looked startlingly similar to her older sibling; so-much-so that I wouldn't be surprised if one got mistaken for the other. And with how the older sibling dressed, I can see how the younger might be embarrassed by it… Thankfully, Kaori was wearing actual clothing, but this just had me wondering how the hell things went if they had to take the train or something to get here.
Standing behind the two quarreling siblings were a man and child, Kaori's spouse and daughter if their positioning was any indicator. The husband, who I would later learn was named Katsu Kuzuri, for some explicable reason looked like Wolverine down to the manly sideburns. Whether or not he had the same powers in this universe, I wasn't eager to find out. The daughter, who I would later learn was named Atsuka, looked like a tiny adorable version of her mother and aunt, a little younger than I was maybe, which had me thinking that the maternal bloodline of the family had a firm lock on how the descendants of that family looked.
"Katsu, why don't we have a couple drinks while the wife and in-law have it out where we can't see them?" Kuroko offered while holding out a beer, Katsu nodding his head while Atsuka kept her head down.
"Well…" I hummed as I guided Atsuka over to where Mitsumi and I were sitting. "Your auntie's costume is certainly… distinctive."
"Did you seriously call one-one-nine on her?" she blinked.
"Wanna check my caller history?"
"No thanks. I'll take your word for it."
"So… any idea how Kuroko and your auntie know one another?"
"They went to Yuuei at around the same time. I think they're drinking buddies or something, always dragging okaa-san along to bitch and moan about not having boyfriends."
Wow, this ten-year-old's got a mouth on her…
I'm eleven, and that is my excuse~
"So what, do dating apps still not work in this century?"
"You act like you know how they worked last century. Or the century before that," 'Top-chan' huffed before Mitsumi swiftly amended. "I mean… It isn't hard to imagine that they don't work in any century."
Nice to know some things never change…
"C'mon, kiddos, enough about dating apps! It's time to eat!" Kuroko whooped, beer can in hand and a veritable smorgasbord of food was arrayed before us.
*AHA*
"So she... really doesn't see anything 'off' about this?" Mitsumi asked from beside me as Papi stuffed her face with chicken.
"Is there anything wrong with a human eating monkey?"
"Well, no, but-"
"Hasn't your dad ever eaten bear?"
"Well, one time we ate fried bear, but as soon as we broke through the crunchy layer, the smell almost flattened us..." Hitomi, who'd volunteered to sit with us at the kids' table, answered.
" . . . Well there you go. This isn't weird at all."
"Seeing who your company is... I can see why you'd think that," 'Top-chan' hummed idly. "So what's this I hear about pervy sandwiches."
Japanese version of God, please kill me now...
*AHA*
A while and many plates of food later...
"I notice you've been eyeing my bullwhip~" Midnight purred toward the kiddie table after catching me looking over my shoulder. "Are you perhaps at the age where your curiosity regarding the seductive arts has been… piqued, amongst other things~?"
"No. I'm just wondering whether I should call in a professional cleaner, or just burn the whole damn couch after you draped that naaaasty thing over it."
"Ex-cuse you…?!"
"I mean, there's just no telling where that thing has been. Who it's been used on," I continued as I turned back to my food.
"You act as if I never disinfect that thing!" Midnight cried out aghast.
"When was the last time you disinfected that thing?" the R-Rated Hero's sister questioned. "Or was there even 'a last time'?"
" . . . Of course there was a last time!"
"That pause of yours does not inspire confidence."
"Ew," the R-Rated Hero's niece retched.
" . . . I don't get it," Papi blinked.
"Tio, as soon as I find the lighter fluid, I'm going to need you to help me move that couch to the roof."
"Okey-dokey!"
"Hey hold on a second! I'm not saying I never disinfected that thing…!" the R-Rated Hero cried out, growing further flustered as half the table ignored her in favor of their meals, while the other half sent judgmental looks her way.
"Careful with how you're eyeballing her. 'Stripperella' might get off on that sort of play," I commented between bites.
"How the hell do you even know what that means?!" Midnight demanded.
"I was born in the birthplace of tentacle porn and the modern love hotel. You tell me," I replied sarcastically before I went back to stuffing my face, figuring today of all days would be my 'cheat day'.
This, and, however-long our leftovers lasted. Though given how much Tio was packing away into her boobs…!
*AHA*
"Fare thee well, o noble sofa, cupper of bodacious butts, and cradler of hungover women! You shall be missed!" Zombina wept dramatically with tears running down her face as Tio wrestled the couch toward the doorway.
"Seriously, stop this, I will pay for a cleaner! I'll pay for the best upholstery cleaner in the whole damn country! Just don't burn that thing or my sister will never let me hear the end of it!" Midnight cried trying to stop the Heteromorph in her tracks.
"Too late," Kaori replied as she saluted the piece of furniture.
"Are all Thanksgivings like this?" Hitomi questioned.
"To be fair, things were much simpler when we just got chickens from KFC…" Manako hummed.
And what was I doing while this drama was unfolding around me?
I was standing off to the side playing "Amazing Grace" in Scottish Bagpipes on my phone like a complete jackass.
You know. For the lols.
*YAWWWWWWN!*
Ohp… Here comes the food coma…
Nap time…
*AHA*
By the time I came to, the sun was well below the horizon, the apartment filled with snoring after everyone had laid down wherever they could've sensibly laid down, the sound of the TV white noise in the backdrop. Tio was off in one corner snuggling Manako and Zombina like they were stuffed toys, Koichi was off to the side with his wife in a manner that wouldn't exactly be considered cosher if everyone were still conscious, I had no idea where Kuroko had wound up, and as for me…
I was on the couch which by some miracle hadn't been taken to the roof for a Viking funeral. That by itself would've been innocuous-enough… if it weren't for the fact that Asuka was on my left arm, Mitsumi on my right, and Papi draped across my lap, the three of them snuggling into me like I were some kind of prepubescent "Harem Protag-kun" from a trashy lightnovel.
Thank Kami no-one's awake to see this.
"I am totally awake to see this~"
"Dammit, Doppel, really?"
*Click*
"This is gonna make a great Christmas card~"
"You're lucky I'm bogged down with poultry right now…!"
*Click*Click*Click*
Though bogged-down with poultry I might have been, Doppel's chocolate loli ass was pushing it!
*AHA*
There wasn't much I could do to stop Doppel once she got an idea in her head, so I didn't even bother trying anymore. Only thing I could do was make everyone else as-comfortable as they could while they were sleeping off the chicken and dressing, which meant raiding the supply closet for blankets and pillows.
Most-all of it was pretty standard stuff. Some of the couples had dozed off in love seats, a few were asleep at the table, Hitomi was laying against her father's side as he snored like a lawnmower, and Zombina for some reason had dozed off on the ping-pong/kiddie table. At first I had assumed that Sorahiko and Chio had gone home, but I found them snoring away in one of the guest rooms, the Recovery Hero subconsciously keeping Gran Torino at bay with her cane.
"Now all that's missing are Kuroko and Nemuri…" I hummed idly.
The clattering of beer cans up the hall catching my attention, I tempered my sense of decency in expectation.
As-usual, the floor of Kuroko's room was covered with discarded clothing and beer cans.
What was different however, were that there were articles of clothing scattered about that I knew Kuroko didn't own.
Finding myself unable to hold my eyes to the floor, what I found upon Kuroko's bed made me deeply regret not reincarnating into a body that'd already gone through puberty.
*Click*
"Doppel. What the hell are you doing?"
"Blackmail~" the chocolate loli grinned, eyes glinting in the darkness. "Oh don't make that face. I'll send these your way too once your balls drop~" she grinned salaciously.
Well… I'd already seen Kuroko wandering the halls in her underwear enough times for it to get old, but I had to admit, for a potential sex predator, Nemuri Kayama had an amazing body.
Doppel was going to tease me like hell for this anyway, so I might as well burn the lascivious scene of these lovely ladies into my memory for… posterity.
Yes. That's why.
*Click*
Now if only Doppel would stop taking photos…
*AHA*
"Um... Shuzenji-san."
"Please, call me Chiyo."
"R-Right, Chiyo... I hope that all of... this, won't reflect poorly on me in the future."
"I'm just a school nurse, dearie. I'm not on the admission's board. And in all honesty, I'm amazed you're still sane after living with these... problem children," she said watching Torino use Zombina's disembodied hand to scratch himself in a very undignified location. "You... You just enjoy your childhood. Leave the fate of the free world to the grown-ups, you hear? Contrary to unpopular belief, we aren't that incompetent."
" . . . I promise only to try," I concede.
"I suppose that's all I can ask for," she said before jabbing Tornio with her cane. "Up and at 'em, lazy bum. You going to make a lady walk home by herself?"
*Snort* "I'm up... I'm up," the old man insisted. "Take-chan, you keep on doing your exercises, and you'll be swimming in-"
"Torino!"
"-moolah when you get older," he course-corrected.
"Right... Because that's totally what you were going to say," I say rolling my eyes. " . . . Try not to die of a coronary, ojii-chan."
"Right back at ya, boya-chan."
The two elderly people leaving in short order, I threw a blanket over Mitsumi, Papi, and Asuka before heading off to bed to sleep what I did not want to see off like a baaaad hangover...
*AHA*
AN:
Gonna jump straight into the Christmas season, and after that… By popular demand, Hatsume Mei-chan!