Chapter 14

Lisbon's POV

Jane did nothing to hold back his excitement when they arrived at her place. He immediately walked over to her bookcase and waited.

"Go ahead. Take it."

He smiled broadly and held the box in his hand, his eyes full of curiosity.

"I'll go take my shower. Wash off this sticky bug spray."

"You're leaving?"

"You don't need me. Just meet me upstairs when you're done."

She rushed up the stairs not wanting to witness his reaction when he looked through the box. It still felt uncomfortable.

Jane's POV

He frowned at Teresa as she mounted the stairs quickly. He couldn't understand her reticence with this box.

He sat on the couch and placed the cardboard container on his lap and removed the cover. What greeted him was no surprise. Everything in the box was neatly placed in true Lisbon fashion. Secured to the inside top of the lid was an envelope with the word 'Evidence' printed neatly on it in her writing. He smirked; she did say that she thought he had been sending her a coded message. He continued to take inventory of the box. His letters were separated into three uneven stacks held together by rubber bands. A tiny origami bird that he sent her in one of his letters sat on top of one stack. He smiled to himself as he picked up one of the smaller bundles; these appeared to be categorized as per her law enforcement training but the letters seemed thicker than he remembered. His curiosity was peaked.

He grabbed a letter randomly from the bundle he was holding and opened it; he noticed two different kinds of paper. One was the original letter he wrote; the other was a photocopy with inscribed notes. As he went through a few others quickly, he realized they were all the same; she'd been trying to find patterns in his writing. The thought of her pouring through his letters trying to find clues to find him warmed his heart. After everything he'd put her through, she'd been looking for him.

He opened the envelope marked as 'Evidence' with a huge grin wondering what she thought she had found in his letters. The envelope held five pages that itemized the clues that she thought would identify where he was. He could tell that this was her worksheet because of all the different colored pens that had been used. She wrote her conclusions in the margins and one, in particular, had been circled repeatedly and caught his attention. She had surmised that he was on a tropical island with no extradition order and beside it, she'd written - 'No, duh' indicating how obvious her conclusion was and the fact that it was of no help in finding him. He chuckled and traced his finger lightly over the self-deprecating words. It was strange to be privy to her thoughts written on paper.

He sat back and looked at the contents not understanding why she wanted to hide this from him. It didn't make sense; he was missing something. He placed everything back the way he found it and was about to close the lid when something told him to finish reading through her evidence sheet. He scanned the pages again quickly and saw nothing of note on the first pass. There were a lot of cross-outs over text with more notes. He decided to take the time to read through it and halfway on the third page a note grabbed his attention; she'd underlined it several times and wrote numbers beside it in ascending order but they weren't sequential. He'd seen numbers here and there attached to other notes, but this was the only place that featured several. The note read – 'what does this mean' with a few question marks that she had traced over repeatedly obviously looking for the answer. He read the evidence note beside it in the paragraph but he could not make any connections.

He took stock of the contents again, wearing his Lisbon hat, thinking like her. He looked carefully at the three different stacks and noticed that each letter had been assigned a number that she wrote discreetly in the back corner of the envelope. He quickly realized that these corresponded to the entries in her notes. He found the letters that matched the note entry he'd just been reading and all of them were in the same bundle; she kept these separate from the others. He perused them again and noted that they were all out of sequence, unlike on the worksheet. That wasn't like Lisbon, she would've kept them in ascending order as per her note, she was too meticulous and orderly to do otherwise. Also… what was so special about these letters he wondered. He hadn't sent her any coded messages and all his letters had been the same.

He frowned at the bundle that was much thicker than the others and took the first letter off the top. The assigned number was eleven. The date indicated that he wrote that one 6 months after arriving on the island and it was the eleventh letter that he'd sent her. As he read the first paragraph, the past jumped to life off the page and transported him back to his tiny apartment. He'd only skimped the letters in the smaller stack earlier. This was the first time he was actually reading what he wrote in what seemed like another life now.

He could clearly remember the first time he wrote her and the heavy feelings he'd been grappling with. He'd been feeling lonely and unfulfilled. He thought he would be at peace on the island, maybe even find a measure of happiness but he'd been disappointed that the feeling never came after the first few weeks. He'd felt relieved that he'd finally been able to avenge his family and to have that weight lifted but something else had begun to press down on him and he hadn't been able to identify it. He'd felt like something was missing all the time and he knew it wasn't his family because he hadn't had that feeling in years; that one had slowly faded years before. At the time, he couldn't understand how he could be living in a place that was considered paradise but could not see its beauty; the scenery had been muted and hadn't brought him the joy he'd expected it to.

He continued reading his own words and memories of the guilt he carried about the way things had been left between them resurfaced. At the time that he'd written these letters, his last memory of Teresa had been of her worried face; she'd been scared for him. He'd carried that with him for a long time on the island. When he started writing her, he'd wanted to make her happy… he'd wanted to replace that memory for both of them, and more than anything, he'd wanted to make her smile even though he would never see it.

It was in that state that he started writing her and he remembered how the weight had lifted from his shoulders whenever he wrote her. He'd made it a point to try and paint a beautiful picture for her of what he saw; the scenery, the ocean, the colors, the wildlife. He wanted her to see him differently and turn the page on their shared past chasing the killer of his family. He smiled as he remembered the effect writing to her had on him; something incredible had happened... the island had become vibrant to his eyes and peacefulness had settled in his soul.

His stomach dipped as he finished reading his letter, the words jumping out at him… his memory of what he wrote and the reality didn't match… he'd written her what could only be described as a love letter.

Holding his breath, he grabbed the second one from the top… it was the same, then the next, followed by the next... all the same. How did he not realize that he'd been writing her love letters all this time? He compared the scenery to her features and talked about wanting to see her reaction to different things and how he would feel if she were there with him. He referenced missing her often without actually saying the words. He held the bundle in both his hands staring at it... absorbing this new revelation. All the letters in the big bundle were love letters to Teresa and she'd been reading them often; he could tell by the wear of the paper which ones she'd read more often than the others.

He looked at the entry again and realized that Lisbon recognized that he had written her love letters but she had obviously thought that he had done so to highlight them as a coded message. When she failed to find a code, she must've concluded they were real and had abandoned her theory and sorted them in order of preference.

That's what she didn't want him to know. She recognized his letters as love letters. She cherished them. She tried to find him. She must've been so confused when he brought her to Austin but didn't make a move to change their relationship status. All those times she'd stared at him strangely and created arguments that didn't exist now made sense; she'd been waiting for him to make a move. She'd given him ample opportunity to tell her how he felt and he'd been in too much denial to register it. She quit a high-ranking and high-paying job to work with him at the FBI as a newbie and still he hadn't seen it. Her words about him letting her date Pike came back to him... she'd been confused back then. Her questions about his letters... it all made sense now.

He'd truly been a fool. No wonder she didn't trust his words or his actions, they'd never been consistent. He could see it so clearly from her perspective now; he would say one thing, then do another or do one thing and say another. It didn't help that he'd twisted her up so much over the years that she most likely didn't trust her own judgment where he was concerned; a goal he had worked to achieve to retain her cooperation during their CBI days but one that also ensured that she couldn't trust him today.

He placed the letters carefully back the way he found them and put the box back on the shelf. He needed to explain.

He mounted the stairs two at a time and found her sitting on the edge of her bed in her robe. He caught her by surprise and he supposed she was just sitting there thinking. She smiled with trepidation.

"Hey."

"Hey," he returned, a bit out of breath.

He didn't know what to say or where to start. She stood up and they just stared at each other for a few seconds. He was at a loss for words which was unusual for him.

"Are you taking a shower?" she asked suddenly.

He blinked a few times realizing he had no idea how to tackle the mess he'd created. He knew she didn't trust him and he knew it was his fault. He just didn't realize until he saw the contents of the box that it had roots in matters of the heart.

He'd assumed all this time that the issues between them had stemmed from their working relationship and more recently their friendship and it certainly contributed to the whole but her mistrust of him ran deeper than he'd originally thought. He had no idea what he'd been dealing with all this time. He'd broken her heart, let her down, and made her feel like a fool and that's a very different game than the one he thought he'd been playing. He needed to think.

"I'll grab a quick shower," he said with a reassuring smile.

She gave him an unsure smile as she undressed and got into bed without mentioning the letters. Her nakedness couldn't distract him from the issue at hand; she was avoiding an obvious topic and he had to figure out why.

Lisbon's POV

She felt the bed dip and realized that she'd dozed off. When he didn't spoon her as she'd expected, she turned around to face him. He remained apart from her, his head on the pillow, his arm tucked under it.

"Have a good nap?" he asked softly.

She nodded and cuddled into his warmth. He smelled so good, his skin was so soft under her fingertips; she nudged closer and kissed the smooth skin of his neck. His scent was stronger there; the soap hadn't done a good job of removing his cologne. She inhaled him and kissed her way up to his mouth. Because of the semi-darkness of the room, she didn't notice the slight frown on his features or the concern in his eyes.

"We need to talk."

His tone was serious, but she was too tired to tackle a new subject. She just wanted to be in his arms.

"We talked enough tonight, don't you find?" she said kissing his lips.

He didn't return her kiss; his lips remained neutral.

"I want to talk about the letters," he said so softly and calmly, but her gut twisted nonetheless and she stilled.

She definitely did not want to talk about that and told him as much as she kissed him with more fervor wanting to halt his train of thought and distract him. But he didn't reciprocate once again, so she moved to his shoulder and roamed her hand down his belly, undeterred by his lack of engagement, hoping to change his mind.

"Teresa, it's important that we talk about this."

He captured her hand gently before it breached the waistband of his fitted boxers. She sat up and put distance between them, tucking her knees to her chest under the blanket.

"And I told you that I don't want to talk," she said, expelling a loud frustrated breath, making sure he noted her ire with the subject.

She already felt raw and exposed knowing he'd been looking through the box. She wanted to show him that she could trust him but she wasn't ready to be confronted with it. She felt uncomfortable in her skin with just the thought of discussing what he found. She thought he understood that although she had been ready to show him its contents, she never intended to have a dialogue about it with him tonight.

"Teresa-"

The way he said her name and the tone attached to it, she knew he wasn't going to let it go and panic gripped her, blocking all rational thought. She sprung out of bed, her actions no longer in her logical control.

"What are you doing?" he asked as she put on her robe.

He was now sitting up in bed, the bedsheet at his waist, concern very clearly marring his features. She needed to be alone. She needed him to leave… immediately.

"I need you to go."

"Teresa."

She was quite sure she heard pity in his tone and she felt her temper flare. How dare he feel pity for her. She stared at him obstinately, more determined than ever to stand her ground. She needed to quell the panic pressing on her chest and for that to happen, he had to leave.

"Look… I don't want to talk and you don't want to have sex," she said wanting to show him how upset she was by using the word sex instead of making love. "We're both not going to get what we want and we agreed you wouldn't be sleeping over... so... let's call it a night, I'm tired."

He shook his head and swung his legs around planting his feet on the floor. She was expecting an argument since she was essentially kicking him out of her bed but he just sat there rubbing his palms on his bare thighs. When he looked up at her she knew he wasn't leaving or providing an argument and trepidation traveled through her in waves making her feel nauseous.

Adrenaline started coursing through her veins and she took off for the hallway but he blocked her way before she could step a foot outside her bedroom.

"Let me by."

"No. You're not running away from this. I've been patient, giving you time but I can't on this. Teresa, it's not what you think."

Her mind was racing and she couldn't get her thoughts together. All her heart was telling her was to run. She took a step back when he made a move toward her but he didn't stop. His features showed determination and she stood still unable to move.

"Com'ere," he said suddenly and her heart raced when his hands cupped her face and his lips met hers.

He kissed her softly, his arms wrapping tightly around her.

Relief flooded her and a choked sigh escaped her. She craved his kiss but she knew better than to trust his motives.

He undid the sash of her robe and skimmed his warm hands up and down her sensitive skin pressing her naked flesh against his. She slowly felt herself give in to the heat of his body. The back of her knees touched the bed and he removed her robe, kissing her exposed skin as he pushed her down onto the cool sheets. She scooted up the bed and he removed his boxers and followed her predatorily, covering her with his weight. He settled between her thighs as she cradled him with her legs.

She expected him to keep kissing her but he held her gaze instead. Then he shifted slightly to one side and used his other hand to caress her face. He placed little kisses where his fingertips traced a trail and she waited for what he would do next, her heart beating in her throat.

"I love you," he said softly, his eyes caressing her.

She shut her eyes to get relief from her intense emotions still not ready to hear those words from him again. Those three words carried too many expectations and weight.

His fingertips stilled on her collarbone.

"Don't close your eyes."

Her eyes flew open at the emotion she heard in his voice.

"I'm in love with you and you'll have to get used to hearing it. It's okay if you can't say it back but you are going to hear me say it," he said ever so gently.

She couldn't speak. He kissed her softly and she returned his languid kiss feeling desperate. His tongue touched hers, his taste filling her senses. He pulled from their kiss after a few moments and stared at her again.

"I didn't think it was important to figure out when my feelings for you changed," he said softly, tracing his fingers gently across her cheek. "I figured all that mattered was the present."

She could barely breathe as she watched him cherishing her. Her eyes were fixed on his and unable to look away. The sensation of his soft fingertips mapping a trail on her face, the tone of his voice, and the way his eyes were speaking to her all created a hypnotic state that she couldn't break nor did she want to.

She loved his eyes. They fascinated her… the way they changed color depending on what he wore, the lighting of the room and his mood, the twinkle that danced there when he was happy, and the expressiveness he wielded like a weapon.

Her heart raced when he spoke again.

"I knew… in Vegas. I missed you with an ache that surprised me. I was so scared that he would figure it out and hurt you. I needed to protect you. I couldn't lose you."

The raw emotion in his voice got her attention. She wanted to soothe him but couldn't, her entire body was frozen and on high alert to what he would say next. The six months he spent in Vegas apart from her had been grueling on her back then.

"I was so afraid that I'd tip my hand somehow; I couldn't let that happen. I knew what I was feeling wasn't the normal 'missing a friend' feeling. I knew I was in trouble but I couldn't give any room for that thought to grow. I couldn't acknowledge it. So I worked hard on convincing myself that I felt nothing and then I set out to prove it… and it worked. But I only fooled myself in the end it seems. Everyone else could see what I couldn't… wouldn't."

He kissed her again, pressing his lips hard against hers and breathing her in at the same time. Before she could engage in the kiss he broke it and stared into her eyes again, their noses almost touching.

"I wasn't playing with your heart, Teresa. I'd been suppressing the way I felt for so long that I didn't realize what I was doing."

He was talking about the letters and she felt panicked again. He tricked her, she suddenly realized. He used her need for physical contact with him to put her in a position where she would have to listen to him; she felt betrayed. He didn't want to make love to her, he just wanted to have his way and that angered her.

She pushed at him but all she could manage was a weak effort, her body wasn't cooperating with her. In response, he placed his full weight on her again and kissed her. Her body betrayed her; her need for him was always too strong to fight against. To her shame, she moaned her loss of contact with his lips when he pulled away again.

"I meant every word, Teresa… every word is how I felt. I thought about you all the time. I often couldn't wait to go back to my place to write to you about what I saw or did that day. I was so lonely and writing to you was the only thing that helped because I missed you. I missed you!" he said, kissing her softly on the lips. "But even then, I couldn't see what I was doing for what it was."

She held her breath unable to speak.

"Just so you know how far gone I was…" he continued. "I would imagine you getting each of my letters and reading them. I would imagine your reaction to each line I wrote. It made me feel close to you. I couldn't see it but I was heartsick and missing you," he said tracing her lips gently. "I was a man in love and in denial. You didn't make a mistake… I did write you love letters. I just didn't see it until now. You're not a fool. I've loved you for a very long time."

Relief flooded her as she realized that he was confirming that he did write her love letters. She hadn't imagined it. Then tears pricked her eyes as his words and their meaning registered in her brain.

At first, when she started receiving his letters, she thought that he wanted her to find him; that the romantic language he used was a clue because he'd never spoken to her like that. Some letters were subtle but others were more blatant and she'd concentrated her efforts on those. But when the letters yielded no clues to a decipherable message, she'd let herself believe that they were real and surmised that he only wrote to her like that because he never had any intention of seeing her again. That had given her the security to allow herself to participate in that fantasy with him.

It had been a shock when she'd seen him again in the FBI conference room after years of absence; her heart had jumped from her chest. It had felt different seeing him again after being the recipient of his love letters and when he'd hugged her, she hadn't wanted to let him go. She'd also been surprised by the intensity of her longing to kiss him and inhale his scent.

When he said he wanted her to work with him and had stayed in solitary confinement to make it happen, she'd begun to fantasize about what that would mean. She was sure that his actions meant that he wanted to be with her but he never made a move and the Jane from the letters never appeared… all she got was the same old Jane.

After a few weeks, she'd concluded that he didn't want a real relationship with her and had started dating Marcus but she hadn't been able to let go of his letters. She would still read them when he'd upset her or let her down.

"Ow! Why'd you pinch me?!"

"You made me think I was crazy!"

"Not on purpose!" he said indignantly, rubbing the sore spot she created on his arm.

She instantly felt bad and pecked him on the lips in apology. He smiled sweetly and she returned it. He kissed her softly and suddenly her emotions overwhelmed her. The tears that pricked her eyes moments before leaked out of her eyes to her complete dismay and he wiped them away gently.

He was shushing her soothingly between kisses when she was suddenly seized by an urgency to tell him how she felt or her heart would burst.

"I love you," she said against his lips.

She brought her hands up to cup his face and repeated the words.

"I love you so much. I've loved you for so long."

She started crying in relief and fear of the words she'd just said. He continued to soothe her and told her that he loved her while placing chaste kisses on her lips in between words.

Her tears dried and she looked up into the eyes of this sweet and gentle man that loved her. His long fingers came up and stroked her hair softly but clumsily as he smiled at her lovingly. He gazed into her eyes as though searching for her soul and she knew at that moment that he would be the only man she ever loved. He was it for her, no other man could ever take his place.

She reached up and pushed her fingers gently through the hair at his temple stroking her thumb on his cheek as she held his gaze.

"I love you," he said with a mischievous smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners, and dancing with delight.

She knew that he was waiting for her to say it back and she offered her own smile as she told him the same.

"I love hearing you say it."

Her heart swelled at the happiness her words brought to his eyes.

"I love you… Patrick."

He expelled a long breath shaking his head exaggeratedly at her words.

"What?" she asked with confusion.

"I thought that you calling me Patrick is what I wanted to hear, but..." he trailed off making a sour face to show his displeasure.

"It's not?" she asked confused.

"Just doesn't sound right when you say it," he added with twinkling eyes.

"Do you want me to use a pet name?"

"Interesting… we can cover that later… but no… I was thinking how you always call me Jane… but always with a tone of annoyance… or disappointment… or anger… or impatience… and most recently ecstasy."

She hit his arm playfully and he chuckled.

"You know it's true."

"You gave me good reason."

"True… but I'd be nice to hear it… you know…" he shrugged sweetly and she smiled at his adorableness.

"Okay... how about this," she said cupping his face with her hands and staring into his eyes. "I love you… Jane."

"Um. Better!" he said with a hard kiss on her smirked lips.

They both chuckled together and her heart swelled with so much love for him. Their giggles subsided and they just stared at each other with time standing still. She was enveloped in his warm arms, cocooned by his body, surrounded by his love and she needed more of him. She wanted him closer, she wanted his taste in her mouth, his scent on her skin, and his body inside hers.

She pulled him in for a kiss and touched her tongue to his. The silky smoothness of his wicked tongue invaded her mouth tasting her and imparting his taste on her. Her body suddenly came alive, aware of every touch point of their bodies and the hardness growing at the juncture of her thighs. She groaned with anticipation as he dominated their kiss communicating his own sudden desperation and urgency.

She pawed at him trying to get the connection she so desperately needed but he put his full weight back on her to stall her movements as he continued to kiss her, pressing into her. Then he stopped his mouth just a fraction from hers, his breathing heavy. He touched his lips back to hers ever so slightly, keeping her eyes hostage as he did so. The gentleness of his gaze filled her heart.

"I love you," he said with a tone of relief.

He didn't wait for her to respond. His weight lifted and he entered her slowly, their eyes never leaving each other's.

"I love you," he said again as he filled her inch by glorious inch.

Her skin prickled and flushed as pleasure radiated through it as he stretched her. She fought the urge to close her eyes wanting to watch his reaction as he pushed inside her. His eyes narrowed on hers keeping her hostage as emotions played across his expressive features. He was splendid to watch and she knew that she'd never experienced something so carnal and intimate.

Once he reached her innermost limit, he remained still, his eyes seeking on hers. A tiny smile slowly tugged at the corners of his lips.

"I love you," he said softly before kissing her gently again.

He inhaled a shaky breath as he continued to gaze at her.

"I love you, too."

She felt so loved and connected while making love with him; her soul craved what only he could provide. His arms pulled her closer as though trying to absorb her into his being and she welcomed his heavy weight not caring that it crushed her.

He continued to tell her he loved her over and over again while he kissed her. His 'I love yous' seemed cathartic to him somehow and she realized with shame that those words had been important to him in their lovemaking and she'd taken that away from him. She hugged him closer, joining him in his words of love, and noticed that the band that had been constricting her heart and her voice disappeared. The more she said them, the easier it became.

He started moving inside her slowly, his eyes focused on her as he did so. She was mesmerized by the sensations he evoked in her; not only physically, but emotionally as well.

With each stroke, a wave of pleasure flowed through her body, zinging in perfect rhythm with his. She wrapped her legs tighter around him needing him closer. He complied, hugging her to him, his face only a whisper from hers. He kissed her slowly but deeply, his tongue tasting her and dancing with hers. She couldn't get enough of his taste; she wrapped her arms around his neck not wanting to lose contact. His tongue and his hardness were both working in unison inside her body propelling her towards rapture at being possessed by him so fully.

His mouth broke away from hers suddenly, dragging her out of her stupor and making her gasp for breath. Then he savagely attacked the soft skin of her neck, seeking her erogenous zone. He increased his speed to match his merciless attention to her sensitive pulse point as moan after moan escaped her lips. Her entire body tightened, throbbing in anticipation of her climax.

His breathing was ragged now as his moans matched his pounding rhythm. He sucked her flesh hard, the pleasure pain causing her to release a profound guttural cry, her core flooding even more for him. He nipped her earlobe, his breath in her ear as he licked the shell. The sensations were so erotic that her body coiled in readiness to explode, her back arching to receive more of him inside her.

He groaned as he pushed deeper and she felt the full-body tremor travel through him. Her body was now in full control seeking more pleasure at every turn. Their mouths collided again as they ravaged each other with only one goal, their mutual release; her body receiving his pounding pace. She closed her eyes as her ecstasy approached when suddenly he abruptly ripped his mouth from hers, the absence of his tongue in her mouth disorienting her. Her eyes shot to his in confusion colliding with his lustful gaze as his eyes scanned her face wildly, his parted lips panting his breath on hers.

"Come for me. I want to watch you."

With his words he leaned over her and resumed his merciless cadence to bring about her climax, his breath fanning her lips, his eyes never leaving hers. Her skin prickled and her core throbbed in perfect unison with his strokes as the pressure built to unsustainable levels. He was in full control of her pleasure and she couldn't look away from his intense eyes as she broke apart, her body splintering, her toes curling as delicious waves of ecstasy shot from her core throughout her body. Her breath seized in her lungs as her spasming core gripped him tight making him groan and moan incoherently. He buried his face in her neck, 'I love you' panted into her ear as he came hard, his hot seed filling her as he pulsed uncontrollably inside her, gasping for breath.

His arms had squeezed her more tightly as he finished making it hard for her to breathe. When he finally released his grip, she wrapped her arms around him to hold him, his uneven breathing on her neck, his heart pounding against hers. Her heart beat only for him at that moment and she murmured she loved him often as she caressed and stroked his back.

When his pulse had been restored to its normal rhythm, he leaned on his elbow and scanned her face with a tiny smile.

"I love you."

She smiled.

"I love you, too."

A/N... Imagine if I put... And they lived happily ever after at the end of this chapter. But we all know that there's still stuff to work out between them... Lisbon still hasn't canceled her transfer and Jane doesn't know... Jane is still wearing his ring and events have been set into motion that will upset their new happy bubble. Stay tuned, the story is not done!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that it measured up to your expectations... some of you thought that Lisbon would have written Jane her own letters... so I hope this angle didn't disappoint.

As usual, I love hearing from you... so please drop me a line and let me know your thoughts! :-)