30 – Help From A Friend
Hermione stood for a few minutes, she wasn't sure how long, staring at the space where he'd been. She'd never been so very aware of his absence before. The place where Draco had stood just before Voldemort had pulled him away was so incredible and thoroughly empty. However, the look in his eyes, the last she'd seen of him, was burned into her retinas. He hadn't been panicked, hardly even afraid. More horribly, in his eyes she'd seen a grim acceptance that he was doomed.
Why hadn't she gotten it all? Why had she left some memories for later? How could she have thought she could get back in time to take the right ones? It would've been so much better to take too much, leave strange gaps, than leave things he never should've seen, faces that shouldn't be in his head.
Finally she slumped down onto the sofa. Was he being tortured right now? Was there any other possibility? Was there any way she could find out, for sure? She dropped her head into her hands. She didn't want to know, but she needed to know. It didn't really matter. There was no way she could find out.
Wait. Nappy. Not yet, but later. She could . . . . Would Nappy hate her? The elf wouldn't know that it was her fault, but . . . of course, if he died for being a spy it was obviously her fault. Still . . . that would be better than not knowing, wouldn't it?
This was insanity. She needed to talk to someone. There was really only one person she could talk to – Harry. He already knew about Draco, he wasn't involved with the ambush, and he was – well – Harry. Without consciously thinking about it, she found herself at the floo, then stopped. Where would she go? The floo connection to Hogwarts wouldn't be open any more. Grimmauld Place was still off limits and they were preparing for an ambush at the Burrow. Andromeda's. She could owl Harry from there. Then he could . . . he could meet her at the gate, open the floo, something.
She stepped into the floo feeling oddly numb, detached. She didn't think she could handle seeing anyone but Harry, but she would have to. Maybe she could sneak into Andromeda's, maybe she could avoid . . . .
She stepped out of the floo and almost ran into Neville, who was just pulling on his cloak.
"Hermione?" He looked up at her, startled. "Oh, are you . . . ."
"No. She isn't." Lavender stepped forward, her own travelling cloak already on. "It's just the two of us, Neville. I was specifically told that everyone else was busy."
Not Lavender. Of all the people to have to deal with right now. "No, she's right. I'm just passing through." Hermione shuffled quickly out of their way, hoping they didn't notice when she wobbled and had to steady herself on the coat stand.
"Oh, right. Sorry. We have to be off." Neville said as Lavender pulled on his arm. She called out "the Leaky Cauldron," and stepped into the floo. Neville gave Hermione a quick smile and a shrug, then followed.
"Not staying for tea then?" Hermione jumped and grabbed the coat stand, which wobbled under her weight. She hadn't even seen Luna, who was kneeling on a chair on the far side of the parlour, her face only inches from a painting.
"What are you doing?" Hermione asked, then wished she hadn't. She didn't need to enter into the labyrinth that was attempting a conversation with Luna.
"Some of these are muggle paintings and some of them aren't. See this one." She paused and cocked her head to one side. "You have to look closely, but there it is - the wisteria is moving, blowing in the breeze."
"Hmm. Yes. Have you seen Andromeda lately?"
"She's around." Luna sat back on her heels. Hermione worried that she would fall off of her precarious perch on the chair, but instead she calmly continued studying the painting.
"Did I hear my name?"
Relief flowed through Hermione. "Yes. I hate to drop in like this, but do you have an owl? I need to get a hold of . . . someone and tonight everything's . . . ." What? She couldn't think of a word to describe the feeling of nothing being where it usually was.
"Discombobulated." Andromeda smiled, and Hermione remembered that somehow she always felt calmer around her. "Yes, and yes, I do have an owl. I'll call her while you write out . . . whatever it is you need to write." She gestured toward a side table and Hermione saw parchment and a quill there. With one last sideways glance at Luna, Hermione wrote a quick note to Harry, then rolled it up and handed it to Andromeda.
A moment later a speckled brown barn owl, flew into the hall. Andromeda's wand flashed and the note immediately rolled itself and slipped neatly into a leather strap on one of the owl's leg. Hermione distantly thought that she'd have to learn that spell, but not tonight. Her head was already bursting.
"How about a cup of tea while we wait for your response?" Andromeda gestured toward a sitting room and Hermione followed, not knowing what else she could do without insulting her hostess. Years of living as an almost Muggle hadn't changed the aristocratic ease with which Andromeda handled every situation.
To Hermione's great relief the room was empty and she felt her shoulders loosen a bit as they discussed Teddy's latest antics over Earl Grey.
The comfortable scene was abruptly interrupted by a house elf who appeared with a "pop." It only took Hermione a moment to remember her name.
"Winky? Is that you?"
"Yes, miss." The elf gave a quick bow of greeting to Andromeda, who nodded in return. Then she said to Hermione. "Master Harry is asking Winky to fetch his Hermione."
"Oh." Hermione frowned. Harry knew she tried not to use house elves too much, but Winky was a free elf, plus, tonight she wasn't sure what her other options were. "Of course."
Winky held out a hand and, after quick words of farewell, Hermione took her hand and found herself pulled quickly with the unique feel of side along apparition with a house elf. As soon as she regained her bearings she realized that she was in the Gryffindor common room, and Harry was just standing up from where he'd been sitting in his usual place on the house sofa.
"Oh, Harry." Hermione reached out to give him a hug of greeting, but just thinking about what she needed to tell him about Draco made her tighten her hug as though he was suddenly the only thing keeping her from drowning.
"Hermione? Are you okay?"
"Harry, I . . . no, I'm not okay." He held her and stroked her hair while she clung on to him. After a while, she wasn't sure how long, Hermione realized how tightly she was clutching him. She loosened her grip, deeply touched that he had made no protest.
"Can you tell me what happened?" Harry spoke softly. His question made her frown and think for a bit. Should she tell him? He already knew so much. Plus, if and when Voldemort got into Harry's head they'd all be in so much trouble anyway . . . .
"Yeah. I think so."
"Did he hurt you?"
"What? Who? No, I wasn't . . . wait. Do you mean Draco?" Hermione sat up and pulled away, staring intently at Harry.
"Um, yeah. Last I saw you he was acting . . . so strangely, then you left with him. I've been so worried."
"Oh, good Lord, you're as bad as he is." She clenched her eyes. She hoped Draco was still alive, still able to get into petty arguments with Harry, with Ron, with anyone. She took a deep steadying breath. "Okay. A lot has happened since I last saw you."
Just as Draco's fear of Harry had made sense, given what he'd seen, what he knew, Harry's mistrust of Draco fit the pieces he'd seen, at least recently. "Look, Harry. What I'm worried about now, terrified about, is whether Draco is alive or not. I screwed up. I may have killed him. I . . . ."
"Slow down. Can you tell me what happened when you left? Can you start there?"
"Yeah, I can. I just . . . don't say . . . just listen." Harry nodded and made a gesture, zipping his own lips. Hermione gave him a faint smile, then took a deep breath and began. "The thing is, back when you were . . . well, a horcrux, Draco sensed it. I guess he'd been around Old Ugly enough that he knew what that kind of . . . well, that kind of evil felt like. He knew there was darkness in the sectum sempra spell. He sensed something off when you were around. Then, in the memory, when you were looking through Snake Eyes at Snape, he jumped to all sorts of panicked conclusions. I had to explain to him. I told him about the horcruxes. I thought that now . . . you don't mind, do you?"
Harry sat back, staring into the space in front of him. "No, it's okay." Hermione wanted to hug him, but she didn't. "No. He can know now. That's fine."
"Good. I feel like . . . we have to put together what you know, what we know about what happened, with what he knows about the Evil One. That's how . . . somehow . . . we can find his weakness, figure out how to get to him."
Harry nodded. "So did he calm down?"
"Yes, although then I had to undo it all." Harry's forehead crinkled into a confused frown. She made herself stop. She couldn't jump ahead. It wouldn't make sense. "Never mind. I'll get to that later. I did tell him about what happened that night at Hogwarts, how the last Horcrux was destroyed. I told him that Professor Snape's memories were important, that sometime we'd let him see them."
Harry sat up and frowned at her. "Are you sure that's necessary?"
"Harry. Professor Snape was his godfather. He deserves to know . . . but it might not make any difference anyway." Harry gave her a quizzical look. "In the middle of all of that . . . he was summoned. Flat Face called him. He only had two minutes. He asked me to obliviate him." Hermione closed her eyes, suddenly fighting nausea. "I did."
"I'm sorry." Harry knew. He understood how much she hated doing any more obliviating. She'd sworn never to use that spell again.
"Not only that . . . but I didn't get it all. I ran out of time. I meant to leave the summoning, to go back and get the memories after that, but I didn't. That's the part where he . . . where Draco told me he couldn't let the Dark Lord see that, see where he'd been, and I left that part. If he . . . if he sees that . . . he'll know . . . he might already know. He'll kill him, no worse. He'll torture him. He'll tear him apart. Oh, Harry, . . . what do I do?"
"Hermione. Don't do this. Don't jump to the worst conclusions. Old Ugly doesn't do legilimency every time, does he?"
"I don't know. All it would take would be . . . ."
"I know, but Malfoy's good at this. He knows what he's doing. Don't assume there's been a catastrophe."
"But Harry . . . you should've seen his face. He looked like . . . like he knew he was doomed, and he just . . . he just accepted it."
"But that's good. He was calm. That's the best way to deal with a problem. Wait. Let's see."
"Should I send . . . should I ask his house elf if he's okay?"
"Do the elves usually go – when the Death Eaters get summoned?"
"I don't know."
"Don't do it then. Not yet. You don't want to send his elf into a gathering of Death Eaters. That might cause more problems."
"Okay. So then . . . there's nothing I can do. I have to just . . . wait."
She sat back next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. As strange as it felt to be the only ones in the Gryffindor rooms, not even thinking of the emptiness of the whole castle, she was glad not to have to deal with Ron's more drastic reactions. She let his calm sink into her, like a soothing cloud that she could breathe in, loosening the panic that kept clenching at her.
Harry reached over and took her hand. She turned her head enough so that she could see him and found him studying her, a question in his eyes.
"What?" she asked, knowing that he was trying to decide whether to ask her . . . something.
Harry gave her a slight smile, amused at how well she could read him. "It's just . . . this isn't just a handler worried about a spy. Your reaction . . . it is . . . kinda . . . ."
There was no reason to let Harry feel so conflicted.
"Yeah, Harry. I know. I'm trying to be professional, but . . . ." She couldn't put it, whatever it was, whatever this budding of a relationship was, into words.
"Let me guess . . . it's complicated." Harry gave her a wry smile. "But you know . . . someone once pointed out to me that war is dangerous, dangerous for everyone. We don't know how long it will last and we can't put off living, put off loving until it is all over."
Hermione stared into the fireplace, but couldn't help but smile as Harry quoted her own words back to her.
"Right." She let out a heavy sigh. "If I ever see him again, I'll tell him that." Would she? Were those just empty words to say to Harry? She shook her head. "I can't . . . I can't think about any of that right now."
Harry nodded. "I thought you were complaining earlier about how much you need to do tonight. Don't you still have to do a lot of it?"
Hermione leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. He was right. She did still need to go to Blaise's, although she wasn't sure how she would get there. There had to be a way. Most of the rest of what she needed to do involved talking to Draco. They needed to plan out what should be in the Gringott's vault.
"I just . . . all my plans are thrown off now. I still need to brew the potions, but I can't get there without . . . ." Hermione stopped. She didn't want to think about Draco, and she wasn't sure how much she should tell Harry.
"Don't give up yet. Let's find something to do to keep busy."
Hermione bit her lip, thinking. The moon wouldn't rise until 10:20. She'd checked that earlier. She would need some time to set up to brew the potion so she should get to Zabini's by 9:00, ideally. She could probably get everything done if she got there by 9:30, as long as nothing went wrong. It was almost eight. There was still time for Draco to finish . . . whatever he was doing. Harry was right. Panicking wouldn't help anything.
She tried to force a smile and said to Harry, "Do you want to go take a closer look at the books we set aside in the library. Maybe we can get some ideas about what to do . . . what it is we want Old Ugly to find or think he's found."
"Sure. Let's go." Harry hated just sitting around. He jumped to his feet and together they headed to the common room door.
This would be perfect. It was something productive to do, something to keep her busy and distracted.
Soon they were up in the library study room where Mad-Eye Moody's books were being stored. They started right in on the books they had already set aside for possible use in the fake Gringott's vault. Hermione found herself looking at her watch every few minutes. Even Harry noticed, but he didn't say anything, just shook his head sympathetically.
After more than an hour, Hermione set down "Amulets and Talismans," and bit her lip.
"Harry? I think this is it. An amulet is the best idea. Convince Flat Face that your . . . invincibility is because you have some sort of very powerful amulet. Then . . . he can take it away from you. You could even act weakened and all that. He'll think he can beat you and then . . . ."
"And what if he's right?"
"What do you mean? You know you don't have an amulet."
"No, not that. It's just . . . sometimes I feel like it is all luck. What if my luck runs out? The horcrux is gone. I'm nothing special anymore."
"That's not true. There's still the prophecy." Harry turned his head to look at her, eyes wide. He knew what she thought of prophecies. "And more than that. You understand him, you're under his skin. And it hasn't just been luck when you've beaten him." Hermione felt a warmth in her pocket. She frowned and slipped her hand down into her robe. "Remember what Dumbledore said. There's an ancient . . . ."
Her hand found the galleon. It was warm. She pulled it out, holding it gingerly by an edge.
"An ancient what? Hermione?"
She held the coin up and saw a message – "Moon. Go ahead without me. Call Nappy. She'll take you."
Hermione grinned, then blinked. She felt almost light-headed with relief. She sat back in her chair.
"Hermione? Is that him?"
"Oh. Sorry. Yes. He's okay."
"Is he coming?"
"No." Hermione frowned. He had to be alive. He'd sent the message. But he wasn't done yet. And he hadn't exactly said that he was okay. Just that she should go ahead without him. Maybe he was hurt. Maybe they weren't letting him leave. Maybe . . . .
This was silly. Why not just ask him? She grasped the coin and sent a quick message. "Moon. How are you? Everything okay?"
Harry looked puzzled.
Hermione had to explain a bit more. "Um . . . he said to go without him. His house elf will take me. I just sent another message, asking him if he was okay."
Harry nodded.
Hermione bit her lip. Harry was taking this very well. "Harry, I just wanted to say . . . ."
She halted midsentence when Winky appeared with a faint pop and immediately dropped into a deep bow. "So sorry to interrupt. Winky was thinking . . . Winky will go . . . " The elf began to look around frantically, as though seeking a way to punish herself. Old habits died hard.
"Winky. Stop. It's okay. Don't hurt yourself. Just tell me." Harry's voice cut through Winky's embarrassed panic.
"Oh. Well, then," Winky took a deep breath and then her shoulders relaxed, "Winky is saying is Miss Lovegood in Great Hall. Miss Lovegood is asking if Harry Potter is here."
"Oh, that's fine. Wait . . . what did you tell her?"
"Winky is not knowing what to tell her. Winky is just coming here."
Hermione smiled, thinking of Luna standing there in the Great Hall, asking a simple question and then having Winky panic and disappear. If anyone could handle that sort of situation, it was Luna. Harry stood up and looked back at Hermione. She stood, but then she felt the coin gripped in her palm begin to grow warm. She opened her palm and looked at it, then frowned.
"Moon. Can't even look at coin now. Sorry." Hermione's face fell. She felt her chest tighten. He was still in a room full of Death Eaters, probably standing right in front of the Dark Lord himself. He was in such danger and there was nothing she could do.
"Hermione? What is it?"
"Oh. It's . . . nothing. I, well, I asked Draco if he was okay, but, I guess it makes sense. He says he can't look at his coin now."
Harry reached out and took her hand. Why was that so comforting? "Don't worry. He'll be okay. I'm going down to see Luna. What about you?"
"I need to go." Hermione paused, her mind flipping through different scenarios. "I think I'll come down with you and leave from the front hall. I don't think I should summon his house elf here."
For whatever reason, she felt protective of the Gryffindor common room, but Harry understood. He nodded and the two of them went downstairs together.
Harry gave her a quick kiss on the cheek when they reached the door to the Great Hall. Moments later she was in the front hall. Nappy had a surprisingly large smile on her face when Hermione summoned her, but she just held out her hand and asked "Is Miss ready for going?"
House elf apparition always felt so weird. Hermione landed slightly off-balance. By the time she had regained her footing, Nappy was gone and she was looking right into a wand. Blaise Zabini. Behind him, she was vaguely aware of a looming iron gate and some sort of giant house.
"Granger?" His voice was abrupt and suspicious.
"Yes."
"Where's Draco?"
"He's . . . ." Hermione wished she knew what she could tell Zabini. How much did Draco trust him? Of course, she could tell Zabini the truth, at least as far as that question went.
"I don't know." Zabini frowned. "He told me to come ahead without him."
Zabini didn't reply at first. "What did Potter say to Umbridge after you lot were caught breaking into her office?"
It took Hermione a moment to realize that he was asking her a security question. Of course. That made sense. Had he been there? He had been part of the Inquisitional Squad. What had Harry said to Umbridge?
"Wait. No." Zabini interrupted her search of her memory. "Don't answer that one. How about . . . hang on. Clytie?" In an instant an elderly house elf appeared. Zabini spoke to him in a quiet voice and the elf disappeared.
Zabini gave her an embarassed smirk. "It will just be a moment. I'm at a disadvantage. You and I hardly have enough history to provide much questioning material."
Hermione smiled despite herself. That was true. How could one check the identity of someone they didn't know all that well? It had just begun to be awkward when the house elf reappeared, handing Zabini a book before disappearing again.
Zabini flipped through the book. What on earth was he doing?
"Ah . . . yes. Here's one. So Granger . . . what are the ingredients in an Invigoration Draught?"
"Excuse me, what?"
"You were always good at Potions. So . . . ?"
Great. She had to pass an exam to be able to do what she needed to do. She let out an exasperated sigh, but then realized that this question wasn't actually that hard. They'd done Invigoration Draughts in about 5th year.
"Raw runespoor eggs, minced peppermint, and fresh ginger, boiled in Oolong Tea, but you can't use that as a security question. Anyone who's finished 5th year Potions can . . . ."
"No, Granger. I can use that. Trust me. No one else remembers stuff like that. You pass. Come on."
"No. Wait. I'm sorry, but I need to make sure you're . . . who you say you are before I follow you anywhere."
Zabini had already turned to walk up to the house. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Hermione now had her wand drawn on him. He raised his hands slightly. "Okay. Shoot away."
It took her a moment. He was right. They had no history, but that didn't mean that she didn't know anything about him.
"How do you keep Hagrid's vicious dog from attacking?"
He broke into an unguarded smile. "Cute. Trick question. Hagrid's dog, Fang, isn't vicious at all. He's a right lamb. I'd just pat him on the head."
Hermione smiled. That proved that Zabini knew Hagrid well. There were others who'd know that Fang was harmless, but not any of the Death Eaters. She nodded and the two of them headed toward the house.
"I have to say few things have shocked me more than when Draco said you'd be willing to help with the Wolfsbane Potion. Well, no, it wasn't that you were willing to help, you were always a softie, but that you were in contact with Draco, big bad Death Eater that he is." Hermione laughed. Of course, that'd be hard to believe. She hardly believed it herself and it was her life.
"This war has done all sorts of strange things," was all she said.
Zabini was easy to talk to and by the time they'd entered the house they were on a first name basis.
"Blaise? Can I ask you something?"
"Sure. You can ask." Blaise was friendly, but guarded, which made perfect sense.
"What was with that first question? Why didn't you want me to answer it?"
"Oh, that. It's just that . . . it would've been a good question, but then I remembered who else was there. Any of them might know the answer. Potter, Weasley, they'd be safe, although why they'd impersonate you I don't know, but Goyle? Not on my safe list. Parkinson's not either. She's disappeared and who knows?"
Zabini led her upstairs to a gorgeous conservatory. It had a glass roof and was brimming with plants, most of which seemed to be magical. She glanced at a snarling Chinese Chomping Cabbage and then drew in a breath as she saw a beautiful white flowered hellebore that seemed to be doing some sort of a lazy writhing dance as it reached up toward the sky.
"Come on. We need to get this potion ready. You can look around some other time." Blaise led her to the far back corner of the room where the glass ceiling curved around on down to the floor. She stopped and stared, one hand resting on the cool glass. She could see for miles, past the manor's formal gardens, past the tall iron fence and off into the distant woods. The sky glittered with stars. Once the moon came out, it would be perfect.
"Here. I have everything set up. At least, everything for the way I've been brewing the potion up until now." She looked over to see a table set up with a large cauldron for brewing the potion and a smaller one for steeping the wolfsbane before it was added. There were knives and most of the ingredients she'd need. She began lining them up in the order she'd need them, an old habit that she'd actually begun with muggle baking, but it served her well with potion-making too. First was the fluxweed, then the tiny valerian blossoms. These were pink, but the color didn't matter. Next was a good hunk of blood root, then the graceful moonflower, still growing in a pot so that it could be picked at the height of the moon. Hermione reached into her bag and pulled out the vial of wolfsbane that she'd gotten from Draco.
"Here, I can crush the blood root, if you get the wolfsbane going. Did Professor Snape have any tricks for that or just the usual?"
"No, he only mentioned that you should save all of the juice that flows out while you crush the root and add it also."
Blaise nodded and soon they were both at work. There was little that they could discuss in the way of small talk, but they worked in a companionable silence, although Hermione began to notice that Blaise looked up frequently toward the door. Was he watching for Draco? She tried to avoid thinking of him, wondering if he'd be joining them. She refused to let herself worry about where he was, whether he was okay.
Finally, Blaise spoke. "Any idea when . . . if . . . Draco is coming?"
She tried to keep her face neutral. "No. No idea." They went back to work, no sound but the softly boiling wolfsbane, which occasionally let out a louder 'pop.'
It had been nearly a half hour more when Hermione noticed that Blaise had finished chopping the fluxweed and was staring out the window. She turned to see that the sky was growing lighter near the horizon. The moon was about to rise.
"Hermione?" Blaise's voice was hesitent, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to say anything.
"Yes?"
"I don't know what to do. I . . . uh . . . I thought Draco was coming with you. I told Hagrid that I'd come, come help him with . . . . It's going to be a rough night. But I don't feel right leaving you here alone. If Draco was here . . . ."
"Blaise, you should go. Unless . . . it is your home. I understand if you aren't comfortable . . . ."
"No, no, it's not that. It's just . . . we're in a war. You're busy. You need to concentrate. What if you need something else, what if . . . "
"Go. The house is warded, isn't it?
"Yes. Good secure wards."
Hermione nodded. She expected as much from this sort of estate. "Your house elf can help if I need anything, can't he?"
"Yeah. So you wouldn't mind?"
Hermione shook her head. "No, really. Everything's all set up. I'll be fine."
"When you're done, if you want, ask Clytie and he can show you there's a small wolfsbane patch growing over near the pond. Help yourself. It should be harvested while the moon is full."
"You've cultivated it?" If Neville couldn't, then how could . . . .
"No. There was a bit growing wild. I've just . . . encouraged it, cleared some space, made sure it had enough water."
"Oh, Blaise, that would be fantastic. You don't mind if I take some?"
"Help yourself. We can use it for another batch, next month."
Hermione felt a weight pressing against her chest. Next month. So much could happen in a month. She forced a smile onto her face. "Thanks. Go. Hagrid'll be glad to see you. Wait – before you go – can you . . . do these windows open? It doesn't say if the moonlight has to be direct, but it might help if it is."
"Sure thing." Zabini waved his wand and the glass panes just behind Hermione slid open. He was obviously in a hurry though and in couple of minutes he was gone. Hermione smiled to herself, charmed by his eagerness to help Hagrid, or whoever it was that he knew in Hagrid's little wolf pack. She hummed happily to herself for a while, then froze as a shiver ran down her back. She looked over her shoulder, out the open window, where the moon now shone, large and blazingly white, a perfect circle in the sky. Was it the moon that gave her the feeling of being watched? That wasn't really it though. It was different, even more subtle, a shudder of foreboding. She wiggled her shoulders, trying to shake it off, and forced herself to stir the cauldron, ignoring the slight shake in her hand.
It was nothing, just the strangeness of being alone in this huge and unfamiliar house. She glanced over at her wand, and moved it a bit closer. It never hurt to be cautious. She'd feel better if Draco was there. If nothing else, he'd be a distraction. She glanced at the door, barely visible through all of the intervening greenery.
Another hour and she'd be done.
She wondered, yet again, where was Draco? How had he managed to face the Dark Lord?
AN – Sorry for the delay. RL is leaving me little time for writing and this chapter took a long time for me to get together. The chapters will keep coming. They'll just be sporadic. Thanks for your patience. Drop me a review and let me know what you think.