Damn it… I can't even see what's happening right now… I need to focus… Maybe if I… no… I must not…
The sound of glass breaking interrupted Tamamo's trance as a large crack appeared on the observation crystal she was holding. Her eyes went wide in disbelief as she observed the now useless item before attempting to delicately place it again on the desk. A nervous spasm shook her trembling hand and shoved the item from the table, throwing it on the ground and reducing it to splinters. The result of months of work disappearing in a heartbeat… Of course, she could now return to her old form and craft it in less than an hour, but simply thinking about it brought back memories of all the times she toyed with humans while wallowing in her cruelty.
And then the image of her cutting apart Luka was the first to come vividly to her mind once again. The hero had almost been a casualty in her desire to show her sisters that she could still be her old self, and, ironically, they ended up being the ones to repair her screw-up.
I keep making mistakes after mistakes… At least I'm no longer like THAT!
…I need to take a break. A break far from myself…
As Tamamo started strolling through the castle, she started feeling inadequate: Saja and Granberia had somehow instilled more discipline in the guards in a few days than she did herself since humans were admitted in the castle. She slowly sighed and wandered toward the forge. She didn't care much for the searing heat, she simply wanted something to change her mind. However, the place was currently completely empty, there were no signs of any worker or even of Rika.
Tamamo grimaced. The last memories she had of the place was the one of Salamander telling her to stay away from her pupil. She gritted her teeth in a mix of anger and disgust directed toward herself.
So much for good memories… She might have a point though. I can feel my old vicious self ready to resurface on a whim…
…Maybe fresh air will sooth the beast…
The kitsune dragged her feet toward the castle's balcony. She ignored the concerned gazes of the different residents as she progressed at a snail pace toward her destination, lost in thoughts.
Suddenly, she felt almost overwhelmed by a feeling of hostility appearing on her side. Before she could identify her assailant, she infused her body with the power of earth and threw all her might in a single blind punch. The attack completely destroyed the source of hostility in a shattering sound. She panted heavily as she looked at what remained of her target: small mirror shards were scattered on the floor around her. She kept staring at the aftermath of her outburst, her hand still balled in a fist as she was frozen in bewilderment at her own behavior.
"I know it's your house, but you're making quite the ruckus."
Lilith landed close to Tamamo, her arms crossed under her chest as she looked down on the kitsune. The latter answered with a snarl.
"Weren't you going back to Succubus Village?"
"Weren't you supposed to be at the bedside of the descendant of the Dark Goddess?"
Tamamo bared her fang and stepped toward Lilith, ready to lunge at the throat of the succubus to put an end to her insolence one and for all. However, before she made her first move she felt light-headed and stumbled on a mirror shard.
What am I even doing? She's just being snarky! And I did tell her I was going to keep an eye on Alice!
Wait…
"…For how long have you been observing me?"
Tamamo attempted to sound intimidating, but her voice cracked midway.
Lilith shrugged. "It depends what you exactly mean… I kept an eye on you since the moment I got sealed and envied your freedom a good deal, then I lost track of what happened when Ilias pulled that trick with Black Alice, then-"
"Lilith… Please…" Tamamo swallowed loudly.
"…I've been keeping an eye on you since I returned to the castle with Alma Elma. You might want to ward back your room, you broke them during your search."
Tamamo sighed. She didn't survive for that long by making basic blunders one after the other…
Did I use to be like that? So bad at everything…? I'm failing everyone who's placing their trust in me…
…I was more effective when I was a sadistic, egomaniac, heartless bitch! But I changed!
…Maybe they're right… Maybe I've grown soft, but… Is that a bad thing? How would have the world turned out if I remained my old self during all that time?
Tamamo's full unsealed figure appeared in her own mind, a smile of sadistic glee on her face. She shivered. How did she think fighting Luka like that could end any other way?
"You told it yourself an hour ago. You're not your old self, and even when you're back in your old form you're not your old self either."
"What?" The kitsune looked at Lilith as if the succubus was an alien.
"I can hear what you're thinking. Your face is an open book right now."
Tamamo frowned. "Keep it to yourself. I'll manage my own problems. You have your own with Succubus Village."
Lilith shook her head disapprovingly. "I will not pretend to know how much of a burden you've been carrying during all those years. However, one thing is clear: you need help."
The kitsune blinked repeatedly in confusion as she tried to consider whether the succubus was openly mocking her, starting a ploy to get back at her, or if she was audaciously attempting to scurry some favors from her, and, by extension, the Monster Lord.
"I don't know where you're going with this, but I shall remind you that I already have all the help I could ever consider between my fellow kitsunes and my fellow Heavenly Knights."
Lilith gently smiled, and Tamamo once again couldn't tell if there was a single ounce of sincerity.
"Yes, you've always been loyally supported by them without questions. You have always shared the burden of your mission with your descendants and more recently your fellow Heavenly Knights as well... But you're keeping your own personal issues for yourself, aren't you?"
"I fail to see how it is your concern." Tamamo's tone remained as cold as ice.
"That would be because you are the one monster closest to the descendant of the Dark Goddess. While she's both competent and able to take decisions on her own, your state of mind will definitively affect her… And right now, you're a complete mess. You simultaneously hate your old self for being a vicious destroyer while hating your recent string of failures." Lilith's eyes narrowed. "And if you leave your emotions go unchecked, you will come to hate yourself, everything related to your past, and everything related to your failures… You already hate your adult form, don't try to prove me wrong. I wouldn't want that hate to extend to us while we're trying to move forward ourselves."
The kitsune groaned. "Of course, you had to make this about you…"
"It's not just about me. It's also about the future generations. Do you care so little about your relation with them that you would rather heap your self-loathing onto them?"
Tamamo completely froze. She unconsciously imbued herself with the power of the earth as her voice became an animalistic growl.
"Lilith… I appreciate the effort you are trying to commit even after we opposed you. I understand your concern for me, and how it can affect the others, but DO NOT PUT MY WILL TO HELP THE MONSTER LORD IN QUESTION!"
Tamamo attempted to lunge at the throat of the succubus. The latter's eyes started glowing gold for a second, and the kitsune felt her body go stiff before a feathery wing caught her straight in the stomach and threw her across the corridor. As Tamamo was flying, her mind tried catching on what just happened, but came out empty-handed before she hit the wall and left a crater. Her bloodlust completely left her as she confusedly tried to pull herself out while looking around. The only thing that had changed was that Lilith had disappeared and an apologetic Saja was now flying toward her.
"…Sorry, you surprised me. I'm only doing that to make sure the soon-to-be-born descendants of the current Monster Lord get the best education."
"…What?" Tamamo shook her head as she tried clearing her mind.
Saja looked down in shame. "…I ignored Lilith's advice and… I'll let her explain herself."
Still dumbfounded, Tamamo saw Lilith and Salamander come from behind a pillar. The succubus was walking confidently toward her with a business-like attitude while the Fire Spirit looked a bit more uncertain. The duo camped themselves at equal distance from both monsters, and Lilith sighed.
"I'll let the cat out of the bag… I've asked Saja to pull that trick for me because I was concerned you would react poorly, which you did when she did exactly what I told her not to do." She briefly glared at Saja, but turned her head away fast as the yoma was even more intimidating than her. "But my point is completely sincere. You need help, we discussed it to great lengths with Saja, and I think I might be the most fitting person to help you."
Tamamo shook her head negatively and threatened to leave when Saja called out to her. "…At least please hear her out."
The kitsune sighed. "Why would I get help from you rather than anyone else? You don't owe me anything, and knowing you I imagine you would certainly ask for favors…"
Lilith darkly chuckled. "It's a bit ironic to hear that from you given your history, but you're entirely right: I don't owe you anything, and considering what happened recently you don't quite owe me anything either, which is why I can help you. You won't have any feeling of obligation to me besides making the best of the relief I will offer you in exchange for a few favors…"
Tamamo shivered. Lilith was acting exactly as her old self.
She's right though. I kept losing my cool those last weeks, and it created a lot of harm for everyone involved. However…
"What would be those favors you're coveting so eagerly?"
Lilith smiled. "Nothing too serious as you will hear. First, I want you to be open with me like you are with Saja. As I said, I discussed with her in great deal, and like her I want to be informed of news that could affect me or my sisters, whether it's threats that concern our mother, or other news like the decision of a certain seraph to create herself a replica of Heaven. "
I'm never going to live that one down, will I? Not that I should…
"Of course, I also need you to be open for the sake of helping you. If you hide some critical information from me, that will worsen your burden and all the efforts I will deploy will end up being for nothing. It also means no more manipulation like the obvious trick you pulled to get us on the beach. In exchange, I will also give you every information that could be of concern about me and my sisters and even give you a hand with your information network."
"…Fine, what else?"
"The second is that, during our little therapy, you finally talk out your issues with Salamander. That demand also comes from Saja." Lilith gestured toward the Fire Spirit who stepped forward hesitatingly.
"I… realized that the most successful hero I trained was Luka, in part because you also gave him a tug when needed. Then Granberia became even more powerful when Saja taught her how to exploit her latent magic... I started to travel around the world and realized that people needs more than the warrior's skills I taught to those that came to me when I enclosed myself and…" Salamander sighed heavily. "I realize I could, even should have stepped up to help people back then rather than stay in my volcano."
Tamamo kept a neutral expression as she silently accepted the confession of the Fire Spirit. It looked like she hadn't been the only one to question her role in this world lately…
"I understand that."
"The third, which is the actual price for the help I will provide you…"
"This is going to be indecent, isn't it?"
"In a way, you could say that." Lilith was smiling devilishly as she pointed at Tamamo's tails. "I want enough of your fur to craft myself a courtesan's kimono."
The kitsune defensively grabbed her tails like one would protect a newborn baby while growling. Lilith giggled.
"Come on now you old fox… I know you carefully stored all that fur you shed during your whole life. I'm only asking for a decent quantity of the stuff, I'm not asking you to make your daughters full time worker at the Chains of Pleasures! That would have been old Lancy's kind of thing."
Tamamo remained tense for a moment as everyone was staring at her. Eventually, she realized how petty she was and conceded, letting go of the mass of fluff.
"Fine. I accept, we'll get started as soon as possible. However I reserve for myself the right to leave if you try exploiting my goodwill for more personal gains."
"I have no such intention."
"I… I will let you the benefit of the doubt." Tamamo pulled out her fan and started walking away. She interrupted herself midway and turned back toward the trio of monsters who all looked concerned at her. Eventually, she bowed.
"Let me thank you for your concern for me even after I attempted to turn you down. I really appreciate your support and-"
"Sorry to disturb you, but the Monster Lord freshly woke up and is asking for Tamamo."
The kitsune only had the time to identify Kanade's presence that she was already sprinting full speed toward the healing ward, ignoring whatever the slime could be currently telling Saja. When she arrived in sight of the room, the two guards reflexively opened the door in a hurry just in time before the kitsune did it herself by ramming everything apart. She instantly stopped when she arrived at the Monster Lord's bedside where another copy of Kanade was active, and indeed, Alice was awake, although barely if her lidded eyes and wobbling head were any indication. Still, the Monster Lord recognized Tamamo and weakly extended an arm in an attempt to reach out. The kitsune got closer, allowing the exhausted lamia to grab her in a hug and even pet her tails. Her voice was barely an exhausted whisper.
"Tamamo…"
"Shhh…I'm here, I'm here, don't tire yourself out." Tamamo rubbed Alice's shoulder. Even her human part was cold. "We have a solid clue to find Luka, we'll find him and we'll bring him home fine, I'll swear."
"I know you did… Be careful… I don't want to lose you… I don't want to lose any of you… You're my family… I just want to be with all of you and… enjoy your presence."
"Me too…"
"But I'm afraid… Afraid that we won't…"
"We will… I promise you. And I always held on my promises to you."
"Will… You…" Alice went limp and her eyes closed once again as her hand let go of Tamamo's tails. The latter felt herself starting to tear up before Kanade's voice brought her back to the present.
"She's still fine, just exhausted." The slime grimaced. "I'll have Saja help me with the current fight if you don't mind, I'm spread out thin and that damn puppeteer has a few tricks up her sleeve."
"And I…" Tamamo hesitated for a moment as she saw the unconscious form of Alice. She did want to help her sisters and do her share of work, but she still felt exhausted, and she wanted to make sure her adoptive daughter was fine as well. She could entrust Luka's rescue to Saja. "I will keep defending the castle in case one of Kagetsumugi's goons would try anything. Please keep up with your good work. I'm infinitely indebted to you."
"This is not disinterested."
Tamamo gave out a small smile and left the room to be greeted by Lilith again in the hallway.
"Sooo… Do you want to start talking your issues now or do you prefer taking a rest?"
Tamamo frowned. "The sooner we get started the better."
And the sooner it ends the better too. I can only bear with you for so long …
Lilith offered a small smile back and gestured toward an open small room close by. Tamamo entered to see two comfortable armchairs facing each other and -she grimaced in disgust- a painting of her adult form in all its glory, smiling sadistically in a haughty pose as she was looking down on something, or more likely someone.
"Can't you at least have removed that before?"
"No, if only because I won't put a gift from my current queen into the trash. Do you hate it that much?"
Tamamo snarled. "It's everything that was wrong with me in a single picture! I don't want to remember the good old times in the slightest! And I certainly don't want to be remembered as THAT either!"
"Do you prefer being remembered for taking care of the Monster Lords?"
Tamamo nodded affirmatively before freezing up. Memories of her failures resurfaced, from her passiveness when Black Alice acted up to seeing her current surrogate daughter collapse in a coma without forgetting how her mother sacrificed herself… She felt her eyes fog up.
"I… screwed up again and again… I don't know…"
Lilith sat herself and invited Tamamo to do the same. "If you would please, we have much to discuss…"
The kitsune accepted before Lilith continued.
"I will be straightforward. I first want you to lose that image of manipulative cruelty you associate with your adult form, and to go on more easily on your recent failures." Lilith smirked. "After all, you might not remember it but you used to make glaring mistakes back in your real form as well, and as I can attest, you can still be manipulative… Now, why don't we start by recalling the times you were openly disinterestedly altruistic during the old time?"
Tamamo nodded, accepting the words from the succubus. "I don't think this is going to be as simple as remembering what good I did."
"Of course it won't, but it will be a good starting point."
"…Very well, if you insist, but there aren't that many… I mean, there was that one time in Gold…"
Sitting at the marble desk that made for her office in Haven, Micaela was busy elegantly twirling a quill around her hand while reading the latest reports on the progression of the construction of Haven: all angels now had decent housings with individual bedrooms, the streets were fully paved, and the wards surrounding the place were now ready again. For whatever reason, one of the lower-rank angel suggested giving the possibility to angels to activate or deactivate them from inside, so that they would be able to easily control it.
Of course, the memories of San Ilia resurfaced, and the accusation that said angel wanted to bring her whorish friends to kill everyone in their sleep again was the first thrown in. Micaela had then taken a second to discuss with the angel in question. The latter had begged for her forgiveness after her insensitive suggestion. While Micaela openly banished her afterward, the seraph had told her alone that she did for her own safety and that the angel was too open about her desire to live free to remain in Haven.
What puzzled her the most during this event however was Herja's behavior. The newly-appointed archangel had simply stepped in and stopped the lynching before bringing the angel to her for judgement, just like the seraph had ordered her to do should this type of situation arise. Micaela couldn't decipher her stance on the issue.
Did I make a mistake in promoting her? I can't say if she's still deathly loyal to the old ideals of Ilias, if she lost her abilities to think for herself, or, on the opposite, if she's just trusting my judgement while building her own opinion…
And she gave me several recommendations which I'll have to start working on sooner than later if I want to have a decent number of supporters when I get the worst of the worst back from the Biolab. I'm not enthusiastic to see them again anytime soon…
… Aaaand as of today I prefer the idea of seeing fellow angels in Hiruko's care than under my command. This world has gone to hell. The First Seraph sighed and shook her head. No, it hasn't, she's actually helping them as payback after her games in Sabasa, she keeps them for a good reason and she wants to be done with her herself to move on to other pet projects… hoping we don't get to see one of her Ancient Ones again.
I'm getting sidetracked, back to Herja herself. She did recommend me several angels, including Aphroa who's known to be into monsters… How would that cupid turn out if I promote her?
After an undetermined amount of time, she heard someone knock at the door.
"Enter."
Micaela saw Herja bring in another bundle of paper. Great, more unfulfillable requests from her fellow angels… The Valkyrie kneeled as she placed them on the seraph's desk. As she browsed through them at an impressive speed, Micaela got surprised by the content from several of them.
"A request to open trade with Yamatai? And it comes from you?"
The valkyrie's wings shivered imperceptibly.
"I estimate that varied food and products could more effectively satisfy everyone's needs."
"Even then, I'm surprised to see that you consider trading with a village that openly worshipped monsters since long ago."
"This will be an opportunity to learn more about those that could be our enemy, even if I do not wish for a fight. We could acquire some of their equipment and learn more about their craft and either develop our own based on those or a way to counter them effectively."
"And Yamatai's famous green tea is delicious, isn't it?" Micaela placed the paper down on her desk and stared at the Valkyrie.
This time, while Herja's posture didn't change, her wings audibly flapped in surprise while her face started turning red.
Her personality hasn't changed at all. Promoting her only made her better at putting up a facade in front of everyone. I suppose it's a trait of me that washed off when I promoted her.
"I… apologize for my weakness my lord, I wasn't worthy of your blessing. I will repent in any way you see fit."
Micaela joined her hands in front of her face. "Then get up and look at me. And please remind me what I told you when I offered to promote you."
The First Seraph was impressed by the valkyrie's composure. Most angels would have fallen on their knees while crying for forgiveness before being inevitably smitten by Ilias.
"You said that you appreciated my ability to think for myself and express my opinion in front of you. You also said that you appreciated my ability to see the picture at large and my vision of monsters because…"
As the Valkyrie failed to finish her sentence, Micaela decided to stop letting her marinate. "Because you see them as individuals, as everyone should." She got up from her chair, and continued talking while slowly walking around her desk. "Do you understand why it is important?"
"Because… because they're each different from one another. Some lives of them live honestly like humans. Some of them are vile scum. And while some of them would be ready at anything to defile us, a lot of them accepted us and even understand our plight."
Micaela nodded. "Exactly. You understand all this… Now, can you tell me why are you so concerned at the idea of voicing your wants at me?" She smiled softly. "A leader should take care of her troops and make sure they're happy after all."
"Because it is unfitting for an archangel to make such a selfish request. I should only respect your orders and focus on maintaining order in Haven."
The First Seraph froze, momentarily taken aback by her lieutenant's direct and affirmed answer. She carefully considered her next words, as she realized what was obvious to her after thirty years of living on the earth likely wouldn't be obvious to all her fellow angels who were still heavily indoctrinated to follow the orders of Ilias. After spending a small minute thinking it over, she sympathetically grabbed the valkyrie's shoulder.
"Herja… I'm thankful for your loyalty and your desire to serve me at your utmost, and will make sure that I reward you appropriately. But I should also tell you that it is natural to have wants out of following the orders your superiors give. You remember the new commandments?
"Keep monsters out of Haven. Only attack monsters if they immediately threaten someone. Protect your fellows."
Micaela nodded, still smiling gently. "Exactly. I'll welcome every angel who wants to live here as long as they accept those three orders, even if they have more wants, and even if they enjoy the presence of monsters beyond what could be considered reasonable." Her eyes narrowed. "However, too many angels don't understand the second one, and as of today they're still trying to go out sate their bloodlust in my back, not-so-differently from all those supremacist monsters that still fight against the Monster Lord. This commandment exists first and foremost to protect them… You do understand that, don't you?"
The valkyrie nodded. "Yes. It would be natural for monsters to search for retribution after their friends got attacked."
"Good. In that case, I only have one thing to do." Micaela returned to her seat and stamped the first sheet of paper before handing it back to the valkyrie. "I should promote another archangel rapidly, I want to send out someone whom I can trust such as you if we develop our trading with the outside world while still keeping at least one archangel in Haven."
Herja bowed as she accepted the document. "I thank you, my lord. How can I ever hope to make it to you?"
"Please keep making sure that everyone act in a way that would benefit us. Now, let me accompany you to see how they're doing, I spent so much time doing administrative work lately that they might end up forgetting my face."
The valkyrie nodded, and the duo slowly started walking toward the main entrance. When she opened the large door, the seraph was once again swarmed by acclamations, and she wondered how many were sincere and how many were doing this by force of habit while secretly hoping that she would do a complete turn around and order them to get slaughtered by monsters. She distractedly attempted to discuss with a few of them, but whatever she said was drowned under apparent adulation.
This feels so fake, and for the moment it's impossible to have a real interaction with most of them. I thought I understood how Ilias felt, but now that I'm actually at her place, most people sycophantically follow me until I give them an order that go against their dogma. How long will I actually need to make them able to think on their own?
After what felt for too long of being bathed in acclamations, she eventually decided to return in her sanctum alone. She closed the door with a heavy sigh.
It's just like the old time… I really want to move on from that, but it doesn't look like they'll let me. At least, now without having me turn into a copy of Ilias. I'll have to be more and more careful.
Fortunately, Herja confirmed me that angels can change themselves. Amongst the chaos wrecked by the Ancestors, Kagetsumugi's games and Luka's disappearance, it's at least one good new.
Speaking of, I really hope Tamamo and the others will find him and save him. Even if the Ancestors submitted to the Monster Lord, everybody would feel safer with the one hero still around. And if there's one person who deserves to rest, it's him.
With regret, she returned to her administrative work. She hadn't heard from the kitsune since her fruitless search around Haven, and naturally she didn't find anything. After an undetermined amount of time, she felt a powerful signature fly southward close to the limit of Heaven's wards like a lightning bolt.
Was that Saja? Did they found something? I can't imagine why else she would rush like that.
Mmh… She's rushing toward the Irina Mountains, and I can feel some unusual fighting there.
Whatever it is, they'll have it under control in no time.
Not that I can help them even if I wanted to. Maybe after a few months when I have enough loyal archangels and their mindsets will have started to change, but in the meantime I won't be able to leave Haven without worrying about those idiots getting killed.
And after way too much time, I'm finally back on this one again.
Apologies for the 4-months hiatus and the big fight still missing, but I had a LOT of difficulties finding a proper structure and organization for the last chapters as I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any loose end, particularly when it came to characters. Add to that the usual slew of minor personal problems and you have one big delay.
So nope, I didn't forget this one for the sake of a cliffhanger, I just needed time to properly sort everything.