Chapter 17; We could just hang out like we used to Even though at times it seemed We were more like enemies

Dinah:

Dinah walked into the living room where she found Quentin on the same armchair he had been on when she first arrived. She looked at her ex-husband and couldn't help but say the first thing that came to her mind, and it was not at all what Quentin had expected, given the surprised and bewildered look on his face. Dinah had trouble keeping the amusement off of her own face.

"Do you also sometimes look at Oliver and see that cute, mischievous, slightly spoiled seven-year-old boy with a heart of gold Laurel first brought home for a school project, instead of the very tall, muscular and serious grown man he has turned into?" She was aware how unusual her question was given the circumstances, but she couldn't help but think about the young boy Oliver used to be. The young boy he had reminded her so much of back in Sara's room, which had led to her initiating the hug, she had felt when he had held on a little tighter, the way he had swallowed hard and his misty eyes when he had let her go. This entire situation was just as hard on him as it was her daughter, only Sara had both of her parents here with her, supporting her. Thea was the only family the young man had left. Well, that wasn't true, Thea was the only blood relative he had left, both Queen siblings had pretty much been adopted by her and Quentin long before Thea went to preschool. She had always considered Oliver, Thea and Tommy as part of her family. And she would be damned if she would not make sure that Oliver knew that, especially now.

She and Moira had had their differences, but they both agreed on one thing and that was their children and how much they loved them and she would make sure that Moira's children would be okay. That Oliver would be taken care of in this very difficult time. She, just like Moira, had made mistakes when it came to her daughters and she had and still was doing her best to make up for those. She knew there was nothing she could do to erase the pain she had caused Laurel when she had decided to move to Central City.

It had never been her intention to cause her daughter even more pain than she was already in. She had been afraid, afraid of Laurel and Quentin finding out that she had seen Sara before she left, that she could have, should have stopped her from leaving. She had been so afraid that they would hate her and she would lose them should they ever learn the truth.

The irony was not lost on her.

She abandoned them to keep them from learning the truth and rejecting her, and lost them because of her choice. And when she had finally, finally told them how Sara's death was her fault, they hadn't even hated her for it.

She had lost both of her daughters and it had all been her own fault.

She had never meant for Laurel to end up carrying the burden of taking care of Quentin. Dinah had known that he was in a dark place and tried to help him, tried to get him to go to therapy with her, but he had refused. Had chosen to bury himself in work instead of dealing and trying to work through the loss of their youngest daughter. She hadn't known how bad his drinking had become; she hadn't known that Laurel would end up having to take care of her by then alcoholic father.

And she knew that was her fault too.

The guilt she had felt every time she faced her daughter had been so bad that she couldn't bare it anymore. And Laurel's hurt and stubborn nature had cemented their fate of losing touch with each other and the lack of contact that had followed. Not that she was blaming her daughter, far from it. This was on her. The years they had lost, the pain they had to endure, it was all on her.

"No. When I look at him I see the idiot that knocked up my mentally unstable baby girl." Quentin's gruff reply made her roll her eyes. Mostly because it was obvious to her that he was not nearly as angry as he pretended to be, otherwise he would've used a stronger term than idiot to insult the father of their unborn grandchild.

"Well, our baby girl is not the only mentally unstable person in that equation, Quentin. Oliver seems to be in just as bad a shape as Sara is. Just as Oliver is not the only idiot here, I seem to recall that it takes two to end up in the situation the kids are in. And as intelligent as our daughter may be, we both know very well that she is extremely talented when it comes to making dumb decisions and poor choices. They both are. Besides, given from what they both told me individually, this outcome had been far from planned and they had done everything they could to prevent this outcome." She felt the need to defend both kids, noticing the face Quentin made when she mentioned birthcontrol. It really appeared that they were that one percent that was left out of every promise any company made to ensure that there would be no lawsuits if the given promise wouldn't hold.

"Yeah, I can clearly recall Queen telling me they were more careful than they used to be, this of course got him some extra points in my book. There's nothing that grants you approval from the father of the woman you knocked up faster than the statement that we shouldn't be surprised that Sara ended up pregnant, but about the fact that it hadn't happened sooner. Not to mention that this is far more information about my daughter's sex life than I ever wanted to have." Dinah was still fighting her amusement, she knew that Quentin was very fond of Oliver and had a soft spot for both Queen siblings, so she really couldn't and wasn't taking him seriously at the moment, even less so now that she could clearly see that her ex-husband saw the humor in the situation and what she was sure both of them assumed to have been an accidental revelation of too much information on Oliver's part. She knew Quentin just had to deal with the whole situation in his own way, which usually just happened to be giving Oliver a hard time. And he knew that he couldn't do that, given Oliver's state of mind and the excellent care he had provided for their daughter. So, he was giving air to his anger now, knowing that she wouldn't take offense by it and understand where he was coming from and how he meant it.

"Be nice Quentin, the poor boy has been through enough already in the last two days." She added just to be on the safe side. She had to admit, that as much as she admired Oliver's new found honesty, telling Quentin that he and Sara used to be a lot less careful with birthcontrol was not the smartest tactic, brutal honesty or not. Oliver really managed to Digg himself a hole with that slip of tongue and that would cost him. Quentin was sure to give him a hard time for that one, and Sara probably too. Once they were feeling better, that is. It wouldn't surprise her if they would never live that one down.

"Are they okay? Sara and Oliver… with each other, I mean. Sara's not angry with him, is she?" Quentin asked and then clarified his original question. It was obvious to both of them that the parents to be were very far from being okay.

"No, Sara's not angry with him. I think they're good. It's hard to say, but they are still leaning on and providing each other comfort. Not to forget that he is not only resting in Sara's room but sharing her bed, where she's currently sleeping on, so I'm assuming that they're okay with each other."

"Good, that's good. I was worried that she might be after Oliver told us. Well, I insisted he told me everything. The last thing I would've wanted was for Sara to lose her confidant and the person she leans on." Quentin sounded relieved, and they both fell into a comfortable silence for a while until she broke it.

"Can you believe we will be grandparents in just a few short months?" That was a concept that she still found hard to grasp.

"Are we? I mean sure, our baby girl is having a child, but it's not like we're going to be in its life given their choice." Quentin's answer was very gruff, and it wasn't hard for her to see that he was not agreeing with Sara and Oliver's choice, just as she had expected.

"It's their choice, Quentin. If they don't feel up to raising a child, giving it to people who can't have one of their own seems to be a reasonable decision. And who knows, they might still change their minds." She tried to change his mind and ended up giving voice to something she didn't mean to.

"You really think so, Di?" There was an underlying hope in his voice, hope that she shared with him even if she was currently doubting there was cause for it. The kids' minds seemed pretty made up, and the chances that they might reconsider appeared to be slim.

"Honestly, I don't know Quentin. But there's always hope, right?" She gave him a encouraging smile.

"You know Di, there was a time when I expected to become the grandfather of a Queen… I just never thought Sara would be the one bringing the next generation of Queens into the world…" Quentin's voice was somber, and quiet and it was clear from the look on his face he was contemplating the past and current situation.

"God, help us all! A mini version of Sara and Oliver, even worse, a mixture of the two of them? Just imagine the trouble the little tyke will get into…" Dinah couldn't help herself and laughed after Quentin's realization and the look that came with it. He was absolutely right, that child would be a handful, even if it was only half as wild as its parents… and she hoped that she would get the opportunity to be there to experience her grandbaby grow up and watch Sara and Oliver handle a mini version of themselves. It wasn't long before Quentin joined in with his own laughter.

They both fell into a comfortable but thoughtful silence after they had composed themselves and sobered up, knowing that they might never get the chance to find out if they're assumptions concerning their grandchild would be true. To be a part of its life.

"Where's Laurel? She's not still locked in the bathroom, is she?" Dinah was finally the one breaking the silence and changing the subject, inquiring about their missing older daughter.

"No, Thea went to check up on her a while back. They're on the roof. She needed some air and space between herself and Oliver and Sara, but she didn't want to leave entirely in case she was needed or a change in the current situation. She wants to be there for them, but she can't really be in the same space as them right now. And don't look at me like that, those were your daughter's words, I'm just repeating them to you. A shorten version and paraphrased, but still her words. She seems to take the news pretty hard." Quentin filled her in on their other daughter's emotional state.

"I thought we both agreed a long time ago, that Laurel was your daughter, and Sara was mine." She threw back at him teasingly, trying to lighten the mood. Of course Laurel was taking this hard, just as she had predicted.

"We did, didn't we? Well, it's almost a draw right now. The mentally unstable pregnant one who feels responsible for her sister's pain and the emotionally unstable on who feels wronged by her sister and their ex. Yeah, you know what? Might be better if you handle both of them right now. You were always better when it came to handling the drama." Quentin was shaking his head, trying to put their daughters' current situations into words. Looking the way she was feeling right now.

It was in moments like this that she wondered what Quentin and she had done wrong while raising their girls. What had led to the girls' relationship being in such a messed up state that it had led to this gigantic mess that sprung from Sara's betrayal? And yet neither Quentin nor she had noticed just how bad things had been between their girls before the Gambit. Even less knew the origin that had led to said betrayal and their messed up relationship. Had they really been this ignorant and disconnected with their daughters? Did Sara and Laurel even know or remember what had happened that led to this?

"I guess I should go check on her. I'm not sure there is anything I can do when it comes to the drama, though. But I can try and prevent is as much as I can. How good do you think my chances are of finding the ingredients for hot cocoa in Sara and Oliver's kitchen?" Dinah pulled herself up off the couch she had been sitting on with a sigh and looked expectantly at Quentin.

"I think pretty good. Sara loves her hot cocoa when she's feeling sad, and Oliver knows that… if hot cocoa is still her definition of comfort food, I'm sure we'll find it in the kitchen somewhere." Quentin started and then corrected himself, reminding both of them of the fact that neither one of them really knew their youngest daughter that well anymore. But the father of her children had been right; they found the ingredients stashed in a Tweety Bird and Sylvester the Cat container with a lid, the container was probably meant for kids to keep their smaller toys in, in one of the cupboards. This discovery led to her and Quentin looking at each other and grinning, the male shaking his head in amusement. This right here was a reminder of who and how Oliver and Sara used to be. The box was filled with all of Sara's old comfort foods and what they both assumed were some more exotic new ones she had taken a liking to during her time away from home. Foods Oliver seemed to know about, yet they didn't.

They were both surprised about small things they found in the kitchen and around the apartment that gave the place a more personal feeling and some of which reminded them of the funny, teasing and amusing relationship their daughter and her childhood friend used to have.

There was a note in Sara's handwriting on the drawer, that was entirely filled with protein bars, saying 'every time you eat one of me a food item in the fridge dies… in a slow, disgusting, smelling way…' next to it was a doodle that looked like vegetables, standing over what appeared to be a dead steak, crying.

And other notes were just very sweet, unexpectantly sweet, coming from their younger daughter.

Like the one placed over the sink, at what they assumed was Oliver's eye level, saying: 'so, Sara's fed and probably passed out by now, but what about Ollie?' a heart with a face and a speech bubble drawn next to it saying 'Please remember to eat something, OJ.'

Or the one saying 'My life has more meaning and is so much better because you are in it, Ollie.' Dinah had seen in Oliver's room pinned on his closet door, written on a picture of Oliver and Sara in their teens, Oliver giving Sara a piggyback ride, both of them laughing.

Her daughter seemed to have placed little notes, reminding Oliver of small things like eating or just how important he is to her, all around the apartment at very specific, well-chosen places.

Dinah put the mugs on a tray Quentin had found and also added a plate of some fruit and cookies. She took the tray and gave him one more smile and a 'wish me luck' before leaving the kitchen in the direction of the roof terrace and her older daughter.

Laurel:

It had surprised Laurel when her mom had come up to the roof looking for her and Thea, bringing hot cocoa and snacks with her. She had expected her to stay with Sara. So having her come up here had been a positive surprise. At least that was what she had thought until after she had given voice to her feelings and her mother decided to share her thoughts with her too.

"I know that you are in pain honey, but so is your sister. And I know it might not seem or feel like it right now, but Sara's pregnancy has nothing to do with you. Your sister and Oliver's current situation has nothing to do with you. They did nothing wrong. They were both and still are single, as far as I know. That gives them the right to do whatever they want with whoever they want. And I understand that this must bring back a lot of old feelings and unresolved issues for you, but this situation is entirely different to the one ten years or even the one almost three years ago." Of course the college professor would try to rationalize the whole situation and take Sara's side.

"I know that I'm wrong mom, I don't need you to tell me that." She knew that, she was hating herself for the feelings she was having and for how selfish she was, she didn't need her mother to remind her of that and chastising her, she was doing a good job of that all by herself.

"You are not wrong Laurel, that is not at all what I was trying to say. Your feelings are never wrong and you are allowed and should feel however you do. All I'm saying is that you should think long and hard about whether giving voice to those feelings in front of your sister and Oliver is a smart choice. Sara is already feeling incredibly guilty and believes that you will hate her for this. I'm just trying to help you separate the past from the present. Look honey, I won't even pretend to understand what had happened between you and Sara all those years ago that has led to Sara joining Oliver on the Gambit… I still can't believe that I never noticed how bad things had been between the two of you. I knew that you drifted apart once you started High School and even more so when you went to College, but I had no idea… And I am so sorry for that Laurel. This was one of many mistakes I have made as a mother and I wish I would've noticed so we could have gotten to the bottom of it and solved the issues before they got as bad as they did." Her mom's voice was very compassionate, and Laurel focused on what she was saying and understood what she meant.

Laurel thought about her mother's words. When had her and Sara's relationship changed? And what had happened that led to it? They used to get along great back when they were kids. Had it really been when she started High School? Sara had gotten in a lot more trouble once she started Middle School and she and the boys High School. The Elementary and Middle School they've went to had had shared buildings. The High School had been in an entirely different location. Middle School was also when Sara had changed, she was irritated a lot easier and pushed them all away, her grades had slipped too and she had offered to help her with her schoolwork on several occasions but that had just led to Sara blowing up on her and getting furious. So, she stopped offering and started berating her for her grades and the lack of time she put into her school work instead. That was when they started to get into a lot of arguments. Laurel had to admit that that had probably not been the best approach, hindsight was always twenty-twenty.

It had been during Sara's freshman year in High School that the blonde and Ollie and Tommy had started to spend more time together than ever before. The boys would take her baby sister everywhere they went. Laurel had not approved. Sara had been way too young to do the things the senior boys did, but all three of them just brushed her off and told her to chill. Her dad had agreed with her, but her mom hadn't. She was in the firm belief that Oliver and Tommy were sure to take good care of Sara and keep an eye on her while she was with them.

That had led to a conversation between her dad and the boys, with her father's gun on the table next to him. Making sure that the teenage boys knew what would happen to them if something were to happen to Sara while she was on their watch. And that had been that for a long while.

It had been close to their graduation when she had noticed something change in their dynamic. Sara and Ollie seemed to have a secret. A secret not even Tommy knew about. Laurel had wondered what it was and had been very curious about it. She also hadn't liked how much closer her sister and Ollie seemed to have gotten over the course of the year they spent in the same school together. She suspected that her baby sister had developed a crush on him, but she was way too young for him. Not to forget the bad influence both eighteen-year-old boys seemed to have had on her then fifteen-year-old sister. Laurel had been pretty sure that Sara had been drinking with them. All those things combined had led to her telling her dad about one of Tommy's famous parties, she knew her sister was attending. The party had been busted by the police and Sara had ended up grounded for a month. It had been during that time that she and Ollie had spent more time together; she had been helping him to study for finals and ended up dating.

It had taken a few months, until Ollie had shown up at their doorstep unannounced, with Moira in tow, while Sara had been in dance class. It had been obvious that Ollie wasn't there by choice but by force. Moira had made him come. Moira Queen had forced her son to come to and talk to them, a week before the two of them left for college, because he knew something about Sara that she felt they needed to know.

Ollie had made numerous attempts to get out of talking to them, joking around and changing the subject in that very charming way he still had to this day, until Moira won and forced her son to talk. That alone had all three Lances worried. Moira was not a strict mother and tended to let her son get away with everything, and everyone knew that.

It had been that evening that Laurel and her parents had learnt the secret her baby sister and her boyfriend had had.

Ollie had hedged around the bushes for as long as he could until they had managed to decipher what he was trying hard not to tell them while Moira Dearden Queen's infamous glare was directed at him the entire time. In the end it had been Moira who had given them the last missing piece that Ollie had refused to reveal.

Her 15-year-old sister had an eating disorder.

Ollie had known and kept an eye on her, making sure she ate whenever he could.

Moira had found out, overhearing a conversation between her son and their daughter, and thought they should know, especially now that Oliver was going to be away at college and therefore no longer able to monitor her.

Laurel hadn't been around much during the time her parents made Sara go to therapy and tried to help her. She had just started college and was very busy with school and Ollie. So, she hadn't really been there for her sister during that time. Not like she should have been. She just never understood why Sara had thought she needed to lose weight, and she had never really talked to her about it. It had not really had any influence on her life because she was away most of the time. And they both had just acted and pretended that time in Sara's life had never happened.

Had that been the reason for their problems? Had Sara felt like she hadn't cared? That she hadn't been important enough to her to come home more often or check in on her?

Laurel didn't know.

But maybe it was time for her to finally find out.

Dinah:

Dinah had been surprised about the openness, honesty and insight into the situation Oliver had provided her during the phone call that had brought her here. And shocked about everything he had revealed to her. Being on the road alone for hours had been a tremendous help in Diggesting, mulling over and analyzing everything she had learnt and understanding where the two parents to be were coming from. Even the brief conversation she's had with Sara had been very honest and open on her daughter's side and cleared the situation up even more. She planned on talking to her some more once Sara's throat was feeling better and there was no more pain involved in talking.

It wasn't difficult for her to understand Laurel's reaction and pain. Yet, this time around it wasn't about her. Sara and Oliver hadn't done anything wrong. Laurel and Oliver had been broken up for years. Of course she understood where Laurel was coming from and that she needed to feel however she was feeling. And that she had the right to feel, however she did. There wasn't even a question about that. The problem would come if Laurel once again put her and Quentin in a position where they were forced to pick sides when it came to their daughters.

This time would differ from last, this time had to differ from last.

Because Sara needed her, needed them. Sara had asked her to come, which essentially meant that she had asked her for help. Her baby never asked anyone for help, never really had, but even less so since she first came back home. Having her ask for her help and presence now was huge. And not just because it was a testament to just how difficult a place she was in, but also a step towards change. She was asking for help instead of running away to deal with it on her own. She was actually, for once, asking for what she needed. And to her that meant that Sara wanted to change, wanted to get better, maybe, finally, even thought she deserved to get better, to be happy. Dinah felt that it was an enormous step towards healing.

This meant to her that if Laurel requested them to choose sides, she had to be on her younger daughter's side. Because Sara had done nothing wrong this time. Even if she didn't believe so herself, especially because she didn't believe so herself.

Dinah and Quentin had chosen Laurel's side the night they found out that Sara was alive. The night Sara had almost died in front of them. The night she had endured her sister's anger, even more importantly demanded it be directed solely at her and not her parents. The night Laurel had thrown a glass at her and told her to get out. Looking back now, knowing what she did now, it was a wonder Lauren's actions hadn't made Sara run.

Right after they got her back, after she had almost died.

Sara had come home that night, only to essentially be rejected, turned away and thrown onto the streets by her own family. And later on, had been judged because she ended up seeking help, shelter and comfort from Oliver when her family left her all alone, after she had been away from them for years, and after she had almost died at the hands of her former girlfriend.

They had chosen Laurel's side because their firstborn had needed them to, because Sara had been the cause of so much of Laurel's pain, because Sara had been in the wrong when she ran off with her older sister's boyfriend, no matter the circumstances and events that led up to that moment.

Sara running to Oliver, one of her oldest friends who had always been her confidant, the one person who understood what she had gone through, after being rejected by her family had been understandable to some degree, it had not been a smart move when it came to repairing her relationship with her older sister but it made sense to Dinah, looking at it from Sara's perspective. She had been vulnerable, hurt and lost. Where else was she supposed to go? Just like having her bring him to their family dinner made some sense to her, looking at it from her youngest's perspective. It had been one of the worst decisions Sara had ever made when it came to her sister, her affair with Oliver not included, but she could understand that she had been unsure what to expect after that first disastrous evening and the safety and support Oliver provided her with must have given her some sort of comfort and security. The events and the way they had played out made even more sense now that she had seen them together, leaning on each other, supporting each other, taking care of each other.

What they had was truly fascinating and beautiful.

The amount of trust, understanding and respect between them seemed to be infinite.

They saw the other as an equal in every aspect of the word.

Notes: Once again Arrow's inconsistency is screwing with me. This time when it comes to their timelines. I was under the impression that Ollie and Tommy had known each other their whole lives… and Rebecca Merlyn was killed when Tommy was eight years old. Yet, Laurel mentioned in Season 1 that she had never met Tommy's mother. But she and Ollie had known each other since they were 7 years old. And looking it up Arrowverse wiki says that Ollie and Tommy met during the two years that Malcolm was away, but that he and Moira had slept together before he left.

This is so very confusing. Seriously, I feel like everytime I manage to kind of figure some of their past out and make sense out of the bits and pieces that we got, there's another thing that makes their past even a bigger mess.

So for the sake of this story, Tommy and Ollie had known each other their whole lives. Rebecca had Tommy in a public school because she didn't want him to feel entitled and wanted him to know how the other half lives. Ollie, Laurel and Sara went to private school, the Lance girls could go because Dinah was a professor at the college that was part of the private school. Malcolm had Tommy transfer to their school after Rebecca's death. The Queens helped him out with Tommy and Malcolm left around a year, one and a half after Rebecca had died and right after he and Moira had slept together, this led to Moira and Robert taking Tommy in for the two years Malcolm had been away.

And I already apologize, this chapter actually nearly made me cry writing it and that was so not my intention or how I planned for it to go…