Summary: An attempt of reconciliation

Thanks to HappyTurtleDuck on A03 for the suggestion! (A suggestion that should have smacked me right in the face but I'm too dumb to think up of good ideas ;v;) The manga at the end of Onestar's Confession was easily the best part about the book because Fires and Onestar talk to each other without Onestar spitting in Fires face for once!

In other news, I'm pretty sure I'm a certified shiny hunter in Pokemon SV now. I finally caught my shiny Zoura! And a Bisharp. And a Lucario... hoping to get one of the Mareep line soon.

Reviews are appreciated!

Starclan was peaceful; it was safe. The weather was always warm, prey was always plentiful, and fights hardy broke out. Why fight when there was no territory to defend, no prey to fight over? The only fighting came from friendly sparring, or from cats who were afraid their battle skills might be needed one day.

No borders meant that any cat from any clan could interact with each other without spitting insults. It was a place where leaders were free to share Starclan's skies together.

It was certainly a sight to see, with a multitude of wings and feathers dancing around the sky every full moon. It had slowly become a tradition within Starclan that the previous clan leaders convene in the sky and give the rest of Starclan a show to behold. It was also a time for the leaders to mingle amongst themselves. Most leaders enjoyed it.

Onestar was not in the majority.

It wasn't required for all the leaders to participate, but most did it anyway. Their wings signified their freedom from being land-bound. Flying was freeing. The performances brought on by the previous leaders was their way of giving Starclan their gratitude for gifting them something so precious.

Onestar almost set off into the sky to join the other leaders, he really did. He had been accepted into Starclan, had met Windstar herself even! She and Tallstar tried to coax him into talking with the previous Windclan leaders. Even though he had a less than… stellar leadership, they would at least still talk to him, maybe even warm up to him eventually.

Then the skies parted as the leaders realized some cats wanted to put up a performance, and Onestar watched in awe as he ascended up higher into the sky, embers trailing downwards with each flap of his wings.

Another cat joined him, and everyone's eyes were on Firestar and Sunstar as they spun in the air together, Firestar's warmth and Sunstar's light merging together to create a miniature sun. Petals fluttered around them, softly showering the cats below as Flowerstar of Shadowclan flew around the two cats. They had become the living embodiment of new-leaf, or perhaps even green-leaf as some cats would argue.

His ears flattened onto his head as the cats of Starclan yowled and cheered their jubilation. Finally the light faded as Firestar and Sunstar separated, descending towards the ground. The three cats were given a wide berth as they touched down. Flowerstar leaned into Firestar's pelt, complaining how sore her wings felt after regrowing so many flowers, but purring nonetheless. Cats crowded around them to congratulate the leaders on a good performance.

Immense guilt and nausea arose within him as he caught the sight of Firestar bowing his head towards the crowd, whiskers twitching in a smile.

And he suddenly didn't feel like joining the other leaders in the sky.

When all was said and done and everyone crowded around the viewing pools to watch the Gathering, he made sure to be the furthest away from the former Thunderclan leader.

He still hadn't come into contact with Firestar since then. Various scenarios ran through his head, rummaging through apologies and excuses; anything that he could say to Firestar. Anything he thought of was immediately shot down and buried as being not good enough.

"Now that doesn't look like the cat I thought would make a great leader for Windclan now, is it?"

He was curled up under the roots of a large tree, and he opened up one eye to lazily stare at Tallstar looking down at him in annoyance.

"Your feathers are dull. Have you even been preening them?" he asked, dragging a light brown across the ground with a claw.

Onestar didn't answer, not seeing the point in answering something obvious. He knew that he looked like a drowned rat.

Tallstar sighed and sat down next to him, wings folded up neatly on his back. "I'm going to assume that this has to do with Firestar? You haven't talked to him yet, have you?"

"Are you here to list out all my mistakes for me?" Onestar growled. "No, I haven't talked to him yet. And why should I? It's not like he would want to speak to me either."

"Weren't you the one who hoped that Firestar would forgive him one day?" Tallstar said, licking at one of Onestar's wings. "You can't see if he will if you keep wallowing in guilt every day."

He was silent for a few heartbeats, knowing that Tallstar was right. "What would I even say without it sounding like an excuse?" he mumbled.

Tallstar withdrew, spitting out a few loose feathers, and then smoothed down the part of Onestar's wing where they came from. "You gave Harestar a life for honesty," was all he said, before continuing to work on his preening.

Tallstar was telling him to just be honest about it. Like how he couldn't be honest about Smoke, or Darktail and the Kin. The very thing that he seemed unable to do in life.

"Come on, up!" Tallstar ordered, dragging him to his paws. "Just talk to him. Maybe you'll both feel better about things," he said, face softening.

"I don't even know where he is," he grumbled.

"Same place every sun-high," Tallstar purred.

.

.

Onestar found Firestar at the Warming Rocks, but the tom wasn't alone. Sandstorm was by his side, as well as two tiny kits that the former Windclan leader had never seen before. He briefly wondered if the two belonged to the pair.

The she-kit was proudly presenting a small mouse to Firestar.

"Wow! Did you catch that all by yourself?" Firestar purred.

"She had a little help," Sandstorm replied.

The little she-kit nodded enthusiastically. "Grammy pounced on it and let me deal the killing bite!"

"Cleanest bite I've seen. Well done," he praised, licking her softly on the head. The tom-kit frowned, clearly put out.

"When will it be my turn to hunt?" he mewed.

Firestar wrapped his tail around him. "How about I take you hunting with me after your nap? Is that okay Juniperkit?"

Juniperkit bounced up excitedly. "I get to hunt with you?"

"No fair! I want to hunt with Grandpa!"

"Kits! Behave!" Firestar said sternly as the two started tussling on the rocks. "You'll have plenty of chances to hunt with the both of us."

Onestar was already feeling awkward, and not wanting to infringe on what was clearly a family moment, turned to walk away. 'Just like the coward I am.'

His paws crunched on a twig as he stepped back, and Firestar's head swung to met his eyes. 'Too late to back out now,' he hissed to himself. He stepped onto the Warming Rocks, visible to the small family. Sandstorm growled in warning, tail lashing back and forth.

"On second thought, maybe Sandstorm should take you both and teach you the hunting crouch?" Firestar suggested warily.

"I'm not leaving you alone with him," Sandstorm hissed.

"Please," Firestar pleaded. The two stared into each other's eyes for a few heartbeats. Sandstorm finally huffed and nudged the two kits towards her.

"What's going on?" the she-kit whimpered.

"Nothing, Dandelionkit. Your Grandfather and Onestar just need to have a talk," she said, ushering them forward. She gave Onestar a look of pure loathing before stalking into the nearby bushes, kits in tow.

For a while, he could only hear the sound of the nearby river churning and bubbling, birds chirping in the background, each waiting for the other to speak first.

"I saw you. At the Gathering I mean," Firestar began awkwardly.

"I- yeah. Your performance with the others was really something," Onestar mumbled.

Firestar titled his head slightly. "You didn't join everyone in the sky. Almost like you were trying to avoid it," he stated. "Or were you trying to just avoid me specifically?"

Onestar drew in a deep breath. "That's the reason I'm here," he meowed softly.

"Oh?"

He swallowed his pride, shoving the bitterness deep down inside him, just for this one moment, and bowed his head deeply to Firestar. "I'm… sorry," he bit out.

"For what?"

"For everything. For what I did to you. For pushing you away."

He didn't see Firestar's face, for his head was still bowed deep, almost locked in position. He was afraid of seeing his reaction.

"How can I respond to that when you can't even look me in the eye and say it without sounding like you're snarling it out?"

He snapped his head back in shock. Firestar was looking at him sadly. "Do you have any idea how I felt back then, when you pushed me away? I ran through everything we went through together and tried figuring out what went wrong. I wondered if I had done something to anger you. You made me feel like I was the problem. I was so upset that night that my family had to be the ones to smother me in their warmth, instead of the other way around," Firestar rasped.

The heavy feeling in his stomach threatened to bubble over.

"And despite all that, I still tried to defend you."

'What?'

"I tried insisting to everyone here that you were noble despite all your flaws."

He felt himself trembling. The omnipresent guilt finally erupted out of him.

"Did you know that I hate my wings?" he stammered. Firestar stared at him curiously, but didn't speak. He took that as a sign to continue. "My plain, boring old wings. I put them away when no one was watching. I kept them out for Windclan, to show that I was a strong leader. But in private, I could pretend that I was Onewhisker again."

He couldn't stop himself, all his insecurities pouring out of his mouth.

"All they did was weight me down after that night. That's why I didn't join the Gathering in the sky. You insist I'm noble when I'm not," he croaked. "I'm not worthy. I wasn't worthy of anything," he said, voice cracking. He lifted up a wing, faintly hearing Firestar's gasp of shock.

"You- you should be healed! Why would you keep that?"

"As a reminder," he murmured sourly. A large red patch of skin graced his pelt, contrasting against the tabby fur around it.

"This was the only thing I was worthy of," he rasped pitifully.

He could hear pawsteps coming closer until Firestar was a few whiskers from his side.

"I'm sorry. The only thing I wanted more was to fly through the skies with you," he sobbed, body trembling. He had no excuses. He let the pressures from his clanmates get to him, and let his fears of Darktail returning poison his mind.

He felt a warm wing tentatively drape across his shoulders, and he leaned into it gratefully.

"I missed you so much," Onestar mewed.

Firestar let him lean into him, but did nothing more. The ginger tom was allowing him to stay, which was enough for Onestar. He knew it would take more than such a pathetic attempt at earning Firestar's forgiveness.

"I missed you too."

Firestar burned Onestar good during the Eclipse battle. One of the few times where he got truly angry.

I hopefully made Starclan a little less boring by making the leaders do some performances during Gatherings. Introducing Flowerstar, who quite obviously has flowers in her wings. Who would have thought?

Tell me how I did.