Notes

Here's the next chapter, no long wait, yay me! Lol.

As always, thank you guys so much for your support and let me know what you think.

Chapter 58

If you're fighting the good fight don't give up if you fall to your knees look up to the stars you see the light keep fighting you're not alone

John

Oliver was his brother. They had been brothers for years. He was as much his brother as Andy was. This reminded him he hadn't heard from his younger brother in a while. He needed to call him and invite him over for Christmas. Andy was all alone, after all. He didn't have a family, not like he did with Lyla and Sara. Andy had never had a family, at least not in this timeline… according to Barry and Roy. He had still trouble handling that. Handling the fact that Barry had gone back in time and changed all of their lives. That there had been a timeline in which he had had a nephew, a timeline in which Andy hadn't been alone. A timeline in which Andy had had his own family. It was hard to believe, and a part of him wondered what else had been different before Barry's selfish choice. The other part hoped he would never find out. Because it didn't matter in the end. There was nothing they could do to change it.

And what he knew was already too much for him to handle.

Let alone the knowledge that Barry, just like Roy and his team, could go back in time whenever he pleased. This was something very dangerous. An ability not to be taken lightly. He trusted Roy and, in effect, his team not to abuse that power. They had sworn to protect the timeline, and it was literally what they were doing. Making sure no one was going back in time and changing events with possibly catastrophic consequences. At least if he understood what his former teammate had told him correctly. He wasn't sure if he could trust Barry to do the same, if the young man had learnt his lesson, if they could trust him not to abuse said power again should something transpire he couldn't handle the consequences of, and if he did, how were they to know? Or if they were aware of it, how would they keep him from changing the past again? There wasn't anything they could do to stop the Flash. Not really. Like Barry had pointed out during the invasion when Oliver had refused to let him turn himself in.

"You and what army."

Barry was almost unstoppable, almost indestructible.

He wasn't sure if even Oliver would be able to stop him if they had to. Maybe, but he probably needed to get lucky. They could ask Kara for help if they had the time to. She seemed to be even more powerful than Barry, which wasn't anything he really wanted to think about. If anyone on their earth, what a strange concept, there being more than one earth, on their team had a chance to stop the speedster, it would be someone who technically wasn't even a part of their team anymore, hadn't been for years. Sara would probably have the best chance. Or at least used to. John wasn't sure whether or not she would still be able to stop him. Not that they had ever tried it, or even considered the possibility. They had only learnt about Barry's powers after Sara had already been killed. He'd have to talk to Oliver about that. He made a note to himself to question his friend the next time he saw him. It was important to know just how capable Sara still was and what other effects her resurrection through the Lazarus Pit had besides the Bloodlust. Another thing he had serious trouble wrapping his head around and dealing with.

Sara had been dead for more than a year. And now she was alive again. It was hard to get used to. So much had changed in the last two years, ever since Barry had shown up as the Flash and metahumans and magic and aliens were introduced into his life. None of that should be possible, but yet it was.

Well, that wasn't entirely true.

Barry hadn't been the first person to introduce him to the impossible. But while his first run in with a metahuman hadn't been the speedster, Barry had been the catalyst for all the crazy that ended up being introduced in his life months after. When their first meta hadn't been a part of their lives anymore. Maybe that was the reason he always considered Barry to be the cause for all the crazy in his life. His mind automatically connected the Flash's appearance with all the metahumans they ended up fighting whenever Barry showed up. While he rarely ever made the connection between the craziness of the abnormal and their first meta. They had been too focused on Slade and the Mirakuru at the time and it had had little effect on his life specifically. Oliver was another story, though. He had been more involved with their friend's superpower, helping in training and mastering it. But Felicity and he had very little to do with the meta side of their former team member. Oliver had made it a point to keep them away from it, not knowing what the possible side effects or consequences could be.

Huh, it would soon be the three-year anniversary of them meeting Barry Allen for the first time.

He couldn't believe it was almost Christmas again. And just how much had changed since last year, last year, when Oliver had proposed to Felicity at the tree lighting ceremony. It had been perfect as far as proposals went, at least until they had left the ceremony. Maybe that had been a sign of things to come. His friends' relationship had gone up in flames only a few short months later, to everyone's surprise.

He had been sure they had finally figured it out. That they were good, solid. That the months they had spent away from Star City had helped them solve all the issues they previously had had, including all of Oliver's choices, in order to take on Ra's al Ghul. He had been sure they had used that time to build a solid foundation, talk about their issues. Talk about the things that bothered them about the other. He had been sure Felicity had used the time to explain to Oliver what she wanted and expected of their relationship, and how his lack of communication and secret keeping made her feel. How his actions during the previous year had made her feel and affected her. And that in exchange, Oliver would talk to her honestly and let her in. Explain his actions, share his story with her. It would have been crucial for them to talk about all of that in order to build the solid foundation every relationship, especially one where marriage was considered, relied on in order to get through the tough times, to weather the storms of life together.

How wrong he had been.

He wasn't sure what the catalyst had been. If it had indeed already been the attack right after Oliver's proposal and Felicity's permanent injury. His friend had struggled with the aftermath of her losing the use of her legs, understandably so. But Oliver had been there every step of the way. He had been supportive and understanding and done whatever he could to help her. They had seemed to be doing good, even with the additional strain that came to their relationship because of Felicity's injury. And the journey she had needed to take to adjust to her new life in a wheelchair and the possibility she may never walk again.

Oliver had never stopped being optimistic, never lost hope that maybe the doctors were wrong and her injury not as permanent as they believed. It was a very different and unexpected side of his friend, who wasn't usually the most optimistic person, far from it, actually. He had been very supportive of Felicity's choice to use the implant. Oliver had gone out of his way to accommodate Felicity's new situation in every aspect of their lives. He had done whatever he could to make things easier on her to make sure she felt normal and knew that it didn't matter to him whether or not she could walk.

And then Damien Darhk had kidnapped a boy from Central City. A boy who Oliver eventually confessed to being his son. A son he had never told them about. A son he hadn't known about until recently. He could understand the shock his friend must have been in. What he didn't understand was why he hadn't confided in Felicity. Yes, his son's mother had made him promise he wouldn't tell anyone, but Felicity wasn't just anyone. She was his fiancée, the woman he had planned to spend the rest of his life with. The woman he had chosen to share his life with. She wouldn't have told anyone, he was sure of it.

Why hadn't Oliver trusted her? He could understand Felicity being hurt and angry about that.

He looked at his daughter playing on the floor just a few feet from him. He wasn't sure what he would've done had he been in Oliver's situation. If he had ended up with a child with Carley, his ex-girlfriend, if she hadn't told him before he left for Afghanistan and never told him after he had come back. What would he do if he'd run into her and found out he had another kid, but she told him not to tell anyone? Not even Lyla, not if he wanted to get to know the child.

Could he do it?

John wasn't sure. He didn't know what he would've done in Oliver's situation. But keeping such an enormous thing as a child from his wife wasn't something he thought he could do. Yes, he was good at keeping secrets. Like he had never revealed Barry's identity to her, but that was business. A child was something that fundamentally changed your life and your relationship. It wasn't something you should keep from your spouse, or future spouse. But then again, not being able to get to know your child if you tell them… he really wasn't sure what he would've done. Oliver could've gone to court. If he could prove paternity, John was sure Oliver would've been able to at least get visitation rights… or he was sure Laurel would've been able to make sure Oliver would get visitation rights. The Black Canary was nothing if not determined and success driven in the courtroom.

But that would've meant the entire world would've known that William was Oliver Queen's son. A fact not even the boy himself was currently aware of. That decision would've come with another entire can of worms. Yes, Oliver had been stuck between a rock and a hard place. He still wasn't sure he would've made the same choice, though. He looked at Sara again… if the only way to be a part of her life would be to lie to Lyla, wouldn't he do it?

But then again, in the end, it had all been for nothing. Oliver keeping the secret, not sharing with Felicity. It had been for nothing because Oliver chose not to be a part of his son's life after all. He had gone to so much trouble, ended up losing even more, and it had all been for nothing.

He recalled what he had told Oliver when his friend had asked him how he was doing it, going out every night and being a parent at the same time, right before he had decided to give William up to keep him safe, a choice John still couldn't understand or comprehend. Especially because it was the exact opposite of what he had told the other man. The advice he had given from father to father. Well, it at least seemed his friend was taking his advice now, given his choice of keeping and raising his daughter instead of his original plan of giving her away, too.

"I know where Sara is every night, Oliver. I know what she's doing, who she's with. She sees my face every single day. I'm there for her, and she knows, and I know that I would never let anything bad happen to her. I keep her close, man, and that's how you keep your children safe."

Had Oliver told Felicity or involved her in the choice of not being a part of William's life, maybe their relationship could've been saved. All Felicity had wanted was to feel she was an important enough part of his life that he would include her in life-altering decisions. A son from another woman was most definitely one of those. Plus, Felicity had also felt he didn't trust her and he had lied to her yet again, and he could understand how there came a point when it was just too much. And Oliver had a tendency to have a rather casual relationship with the truth and keep a lot to himself, most of the time until the very last moment and he had no longer a choice because it would either come from him or they'd find out through someone else. He could see how that would strain any relationship, especially given some of the past events in which Oliver had kept the truth from them and they had ended up nearly being destroyed because of it. Felicity expecting him to be truthful and more forthcoming with it going into their marriage, a lifelong commitment, was very understandable. And her having had enough, being on emotional overload and also feeling betrayed once she had found out just how many people in their lives had been aware of William's existence before she had been and the knowledge Oliver wouldn't have shared the information with her ever, had he not been forced to by their enemy. Yes, he could understand why Felicity had chosen to walk away. Should she have given Oliver a chance to actually explain? Yes, of course. There was no question about that. The couple should have talked about it.

And maybe he would look at it differently if he were convinced it was simply who and how Oliver was in a relationship, but it wasn't. He had been witness to another side of Oliver when being in a serious relationship with a woman and so had Felicity. So her reasonings and feelings were even more understandable because of that knowledge.

And they were both being confronted by that fact again. Oliver was not keeping things from Sara. Not any secrets and not the truth. He involved her in everything concerning every aspect of his life, even if she wasn't physically or personally involved in it. He made her a part of his life, as if it was no trouble at all to include her in it. The way he accommodated the youngest Lance in his life looked effortless, as if there had always been a place in it carved out just for her, just waiting for her to move into it again. It had been the same way three years ago. Felicity and he had been taken aback by the unexpected and unusual behavior of their friend. It had given them pause, and they had needed a moment to get accustomed to Sara's presence, not just as the Canary who had just over night taken on the role of Oliver's second hand but also as Sara Lance, Oliver's girlfriend. Both roles the blonde had taken in had come out of leftfield for them.

Yes, Oliver had always treated Sara as an equal, something he had failed to do with Felicity or anyone else for the matter.

A fact their IT-genius had been aware of. It had been something she had struggled with the first time Sara had come home. She had felt insecure and inadequate next to Oliver's partner. It had even gone so far that Felicity had questioned her place in their team. A place she had, just like him, had to fight for and earn. Just like Oliver's trust. They had still been witnessing all the hoops and jumps the Arrow had made Roy jump through in order to prove his loyalty and that they could trust him. To earn his place on the team. And then there was Sara who had showed up under suspicious circumstances, both times, that Oliver had just made room for. No hoops, no jumps, no questions, no explanations. One day it had been Oliver, Felicity, Roy and him and the next Sara had been a part of it too. Oliver acting as if nothing had changed, as if it had always been that way.

It had thrown them all.

But Felicity more than anyone. And he knew even if she had denied it then and still wasn't admitting it now, she had been jealous of the other woman, and her relationship with Oliver. Having him just get back together with Sara and sharing everything with her had hurt Felicity, whether she had been willing to admit it, and her growing romantic feelings for Oliver or not. It had been plain to see. He was sure even Sara had noticed it. He wasn't sure about Oliver, though. On one hand, he was very perceptive. On the other, he tended to have blind spots when it came to the people he cared about or things he didn't want to deal with.

Oliver was his brother. A part of his family, but like so many times in the past, he didn't understand him. Couldn't comprehend his actions. His choices. Why he was doing what he was doing. How they had ended up where they now were.

They had just gotten to a good place again. He had just gotten back to the point where he had trusted his friend again. Not always questioning if he was going to be betrayed again. Oliver had worked hard to gain back his trust. And he had mostly succeeded, but there were still moments he hesitated, moments he was reminded of just what his brother had done. How he had left his baby girl alone in order to kidnap his wife. And those moments had become more frequent lately.

His wife, who was currently spending a lot of her free time at Oliver's place. Granted, she was mostly spending it with Sara, but that usually meant his daughter was in the care of the man who had left her all alone in her crib once. Not that he thought Oliver would abandon his daughter again. He was sure Oliver would rather die than let anything happen to his goddaughter. But there was still a small part inside of him who worried whenever he heard Lyla had left Sara alone with Oliver. John knew it wasn't fair to his friend, but he couldn't help himself. Oliver had endangered his daughter and wife once before. How was he supposed to know he would not do it again if the situation required it, at least as far as Oliver was concerned? He still couldn't understand how fast and easily Lyla had forgiven their friend for his actions. He wasn't sure he ever would understand what had led his wife to that. But then there were several choices of Lyla's he couldn't understand.

He had trusted Oliver again before he had left for his travels with Sara. And he wanted to still trust him, but… things had changed. They no longer were the way they had been right before he had left, and it wasn't just the end of his and Felicity's relationship that had changed. Or Oliver's sort of involvement with Sara. The exact status of the relationship between those two seemed to be a mystery to everyone, maybe even the parents-to-be themselves.

Yes, Sara's presence in Oliver's life had changed everything. At least, it was how it felt to him. Sara was a wildcard, always had been, and her involvement in any aspect of Oliver's life turned him into a wildcard, too. Because if there was one thing he had learnt over the last four years, ever since the blonde had first stepped foot into their lives, it was that there was nothing Oliver wouldn't do for her. No risk he wasn't willing to take if it meant keeping her in his life or alive. Yes, no lengths seemed to be too far, no actions too extreme for him to take when it came to protecting Sara.

That made him dangerous. Oliver had always been protective of Sara, at least for as long as John had known her, but his friend's protectiveness of the blonde Lance sister had been in overdrive ever since their return. He could understand that. Sara was pregnant and dealing with a lot physically and emotionally. Her mental struggles were easy for everyone to see. She was vulnerable. It was such a strange situation. Sara had been the most capable and independent person he had ever met. Not that she wasn't capable anymore, he was sure if it came down to it she would still put up one hell of a fight and might possibly even come out on top. But she had stepped back. Something he was very impressed by. He was sure it must be very difficult for her. She was usually right there in the middle of the fray. There had been several times while she had been a part of their team that she had been on the front lines and Oliver in the background, having her back from high up on a building somewhere. Yes, Sara had always been right in the middle of things. Staying completely out of it couldn't be easy for her. But he admired and respected her for it. She was doing everything she could to keep her daughter safe. She was keeping herself completely out of everything. At least physically.

There were several changes to Oliver's tactics and the way he approached situations that had taken place that screamed "Canary" to him. Yes, as well as the Arrow and the Canary had worked together, they've had very different approaches for fighting crime and how to reach the desired effect. Maybe it was one reason why they had worked so well together, almost like a well-oiled machine. Their different approaches, different opinions, had balanced each other out. They had usually ended up going with the middle ground.

Once Sara had left, Oliver had been more open to listening to what Felicity, and he had to say and change his plans or goals according to their suggestions. Even more so once Laurel and Thea had established their places on the team, and Oliver and Felicity had come back home. Yes, it had taken years for Oliver to recognize the value of their opinions and views. But all of that progress he's made seems to disappear again.

His friend had changed and grown so much, and it had been his honor to watch it, be a part of it, but he wasn't sure, wasn't sure whether his friend was still growing or regressing back. And it was very hard to figure out because, once again, Oliver was pushing him away.

Oliver was pushing them, pushing him away again. Isolating himself again, except this time his isolation, him defaulting to the person he was on the island, involved Sara. The first time Sara had come home, she had played a part in having Oliver open up, let them in. This time around, she was part of the reason for his isolation, for him pushing them away. For him, defaulting to the island again. Turning back to who he was when he had first met him, turning back into the Hood again.

He remembered the way Sara had struggled when she had come home the first time. How she had defaulted to the ways of the League whenever they had been faced with a difficult, potentially deadly situation. Like when Helena had held Laurel hostage, or when Roy had attacked Thea. Oliver was doing the exact same thing now. He went back to going for the kill instead of the capture, depending on the situation. They had taken killing off of the table years ago. He hadn't been aware it was back on it until recently.

It had been something they had argued about several times in the past few months, just like recruiting the new vigilantes. Oliver was insistent on not only not recruiting them, but of getting them off of the streets altogether. He refused to even consider them being useful, the positive effect more people on the team would have. Especially given the fact he was only a few months away from becoming a father, a single father as far as he knew. Having more resources in the field could be very helpful and give him more time off. More people to have his back in the field. But he refused to see the usefulness. Refused to face the reality of leaving his daughter alone with someone who wasn't her mother every single night. It wasn't something one did lightly, even less when facing death every night. Oliver should want to have as many resources at his disposal as possible. There were four vigilantes out there right now. Four more people who could help have his back instead of being four more people they were trying to get off the streets, just like they did criminals.

John wasn't sure if Oliver just refused to face the reality of Sara leaving and him raising their child without her. He could understand that his friend was struggling with that knowledge. He couldn't even imagine being in his situation. Had Lyla told him she wouldn't be here to raise their daughter with him, who had also been a surprise just like Oliver and Sara's daughter, how would he have reacted? How would he have dealt with that knowledge? He had decided to step away from it all for a while, even with Lyla around. It hadn't stuck, not nearly as long as he had thought. Because Oliver had needed him after Sara's brutal murder. But still…

Oliver had blown up at Felicity because she had brought up the vigilantes again just a few nights ago. They were just trying to help him. Trying to make the situation easier on him. To help him any way they could, any way he would let them, but he wasn't letting them help him at all. He refused to on all fronts. Pushing them away, standing his ground and refusing to listen to reason or them. He was once again making the decisions without taking anyone else's opinions or suggestions into account. Well, anyone who was an active member of the team. He wasn't sure what he could do to make him understand, make his brother see… he was pulled from his thoughts by the vibration of his phone next to him. He checked the display and saw Felicity's name flash across the screen. It only took him a moment before picking it up and reading her message.

It wasn't at all what he had expected and reminded him of a similar situation just a few days ago. Oliver wasn't going to come in tonight, possibly not for several nights. That was surprising. Oliver had only come back into the field for the first time in days the night before. Granted, he had seemed rather off, making him wonder what had happened during the four days he had taken for himself to spend with Sara.

He was also surprised that Felicity was the one letting him know and not Oliver, like before. He hadn't been aware Oliver was going straight to Felicity again with information like this. It looked like even more had changed than he had been aware of. Had Lyla been informed too, like she had been six days ago? He could still easily recall that moment that had taken him aback a little and made him question some more things about both of his friends.

The vibration of his and Lyla's phone, both of which were on the bureau across from the couch he was currently lying on, reading the newspaper, ripped him out of the article he was absorbed in. He got up while Lyla walked into the room to get her cell. He reached the bureau before her and picked both of their phones up, walking towards her and handing hers over as soon as he reached her.

He had seen Sara's name on the screen before it had turned black just when he reached it. It was nothing unusual. His wife and the blonde had spent a lot of time together lately and as far as he knew, texted frequently. It wasn't until he had read the text he had received that the situation appeared strange to him.

"Oliver just texted, letting me know he was going to go off the grid for a couple of days. Sara too. No explanation." He shared his confusion with his wife, watching her reaction to it. She didn't look surprised.

"Yeah, Sara, just let me know about that too." She confirmed what he had assumed. Why would both Oliver and Sara text them individually? They both knew that Lyla and he had the day off and were spending it together. Oliver letting him know would've sufficed. He could've easily let his wife know.

"Huh. That's a bit of a waste of energy, don't you think? I could've let you know." He couldn't help but wonder aloud and share his thoughts with Lyla.

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm sure they have their reasons for both of their actions. They do deserve some time for themselves. I think Sara has a bit of a people hangover after Thanksgiving and I think Oliver feels similarly." Lyla's explanation made sense. Sara had seemed very uncomfortable during their Thanksgiving celebration. Oliver had been the perfect host, as usual, but the strain it took on him had been easy to see. Yes, neither of the two enjoyed crowds of people right now. So Lyla's words made sense, and their choice was understandable from that point of view. But still, Oliver had only gotten back into the field about two months ago, and he was taking a break already… he really didn't understand why Oliver was so adamant when it came to the discussion about adding to their team.

Lyla hadn't sounded worried about them at all. She had seemed relaxed and maybe a little amused. So he had assumed she was right, and they had just needed a break. But Oliver's behavior the previous night had pointed in a different direction. He had seemed off balance, gruff, and he had been very brutal in the field. Everything had pointed towards something being wrong with him. He hadn't answered any of his or Felicity's questions and had made sure they understood he was in no mood to chat or share with them.

It had made him wonder what had transpired between Oliver and Sara during those four days. Whatever it was, it hadn't seemed to be anything positive. And now this… maybe it did make sense Oliver stepped back to get his shit together, because the way he had acted the previous night had been very troubling. But that meant he was once again alone with Sara, something that had appeared to be the catalyst for his foul mood last night.

What the hell was going on with his friend right now?

I hope I got John right. I struggled a little with him and youtube wasn't a big help to get into his character. So sorry if I got him wrong and please let me know if you think I did.

There are some pretty obvious hints to Flashpoint changes in here, lol. I feel I smacked you in the face with them but I might be wrong. Let me know if you figured them out and what your theories are.

Chapter title from the song "See the Light" by Soldier Hard.