30. Friends and Other Enemies

"Kedidi, what exactly did you tell your family about us?"

Standing between Nikos and Kedi at the dinner table, Avocato looked down at his designated setting and slowly folded his arms. No less than nine forks were lined up beside his plate. Next to him, Nikos' setting had no fork or knife at all, just three large serving spoons and what appeared to be a few long sticks from off a bush.

Kedi made a sound midway between pain and embarrassment. Despite both his friends leaning over to catch his expression, would not remove the hand shielding his eyes. Nikos and Avocato exchanged a mischievous look, both of them fighting the urge to burst out laughing.

In the hour before the evening meal, Kedi was showing them around his home, which was as far removed from what his friends knew as either Vel Pitten or Alfitrix had been for him, and equally exotic. Built right into the side of a mountain, as much of the Far Reaches was above ground as below. The older part of the settlement was a walled town made of stone and steel, with narrow streets, sharply angled rooftops crowding close together, and enough lights to give the impression of daylight. A mighty, plastisteel dome protected the town from the elements (but not, Nikos pointed out, the cold), while geothermal power warmed the vast network of chambers carved from the living stone.

House Kotik was the ranking noble house of the region, though there were several other noble houses in the settlements scattered across the frozen northern expanse. It was one of the larger settlements, too, with just over a thousand inhabitants. Unlike in Alfitrix, where nobles were usually either in business, the military, or useless (or wanted to be), here in the Far Reaches, everyone was expected to work and contribute not just to their family, but to the community as a whole. Noble families were not an exception. Until he'd left for the academy, Kedi's role had been a guardian of the herds. He had lived and traveled with the settlement's large herds of chodee beasts, protecting them from weather and predators. When the herds were brought in for the winter, Kedi had hunted and fished, and he was remarkably good at both.

Kedi had brought them to the massive hydroponic farm that filled multiple levels within the mountain. Fruits and vegetables grew in abundance, though they could not grow grains, and one whole level was devoted to livestock and poultry. It was an impressive set up, producing enough food for the population, plus a little surplus. The visit not only gave Nikos a chance to warm up, but it allowed Avocato a chance to astonish his friends with his unexpected knowledge of gardening.

"What?" he asked defensively when they erupted in disbelief at this revelation. "I know about plants. I used to garden with my mother before I was old enough for school. We planted a moss garden together. How do you think I found all those rocks to eat?"

Nikos grumbled, and Kedi herded them along.

"I'll show you the deep caverns tomorrow," he promised. "You'll see where we keep the oysters that grow icewater pearls."

Pearl farming was the region's primary income, and the basis of House Kotik's wealth. Though Nikos had never seen them before, Avocato was familiar with the jewels - his mother owned several necklaces and a tiara of icewater pearls.

"No swimming, Nikos," warned Kedi.

With a quiet snort at the very idea, Nikos promised, "Huh. No worries!"

The tour had concluded back at Kedi's house, which was essentially a series of rooms and halls branching out from one main room that served as a dining hall, with one whole wall being a row of windows looking out over the mountains, village, and horizon. It was a fabulous view, even at night, and they caught their first wispy glimpses of auroras dancing across the sky. Kedi was pointing out some features in the hall, including a snowy-white vorsk pelt displayed on one wall. When he was fifteen, he had tracked and killed it with only his next youngest brother's help, a rite of passage here in the Far Reaches. Avocato and Nikos had spent a great deal of time admiring the large fur and asking details about the hunt before examining more of the hall's decorations. Voices rose up from the kitchens behind them, and the three cadets turned at the sound of girls arguing. As a welcoming feast for the house's fourth son and his foreign guests, tonight's dinner was promising to be especially lavish, and it seemed the final details were being ironed out.

Then, as one, they looked at the table and spotted the anomalies: Forks. Spoons. Sticks. Not about to pass up this opportunity that was, quite literally, spoon-fed to them, Nikos and Avocato pounced.

"Obviously, I require a clean fork for every fourth bite of food I consume," stated Avocato breezily, ignoring Kedi's mortification.

As if this was evident, Nikos gestured with both hands. "Well, of course. You are fragile that way, Cato. And everyone knows I like to finish my soup in two mouthfuls."

"At the most. I'll trade you three forks for a spoon."

"Throw in a knife and I'll give you two spoons."

"I want a chopstick, too."

"What? You drive a hard bargain, sir, but it's a deal. So." Nikos returned to studying the place settings, crossing his arms in imitation of Avocato's stance. "Cadet Lord Avocato, can we guess at the contents of Kedidi's first letter home from the academy?"

Avocato hummed thoughtfully. "From Vel Pitten, too, I warrant, my dear Cadet Nikos. Something about bugs and barge rats and learning to eat with wooden sticks."

Kedi groaned, covering his face with both hands now.

"Dearest Mama," quoth Avocato, a distant look on his face, "I've started at the academy and I've met some exceedingly strange people. I can't seem to shake them. One of them is unnaturally short and skinny, like a fish bone. Most of the time, I have no idea of what he's talking about. I'm not sure he does, either. He's never even seen a picture of snow, and doesn't believe it exists. He seems to possess no blood pressure at all and is cold all the time, so he eats hot peppers to make up for the lack. Also, he has never encountered a fork before and eats his steak with a spoon."

Nikos snorted, then added his paragraph. "Even stranger, one of my friends is a certified mutant. He's blue from ears to tail, and so tall that sometimes, his head is literally in the clouds. He passes for intelligent, and is well-traveled, but has stepped outside only twice in his life, both times by mistake. He'll eat anything you tell him is edible, including rocks, bugs, and lichen, and seems to think each item on his plate requires its own fork. It took him two weeks to figure out the same fork will work for a whole meal, and I was afraid he might starve before that epiphany hit."

Almost bursting with suppressed laughter, they waited in gleeful anticipation for their friend to break. Kedi finally dropped his hands, looking supremely flustered and frustrated.

"You are not my friends."

"Ohhhh," observed Nikos with a wicked grin. "I think our aim was too accurate, Cato."

"I promise, we haven't been reading your mail," said Avocato.

"Excuse me," growled Kedi, taking a deep breath and shaking his head as he stalked away towards the kitchen. "I need to go murder one of my relations."

"Well," Avocato said brightly as soon as they were alone, "It's nice not to top the kill list for once."

Nikos shrugged. "You're not related to him. Yet."

"Fair point."

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

Avocato pulled the fur blanket tightly over his shoulders, snuggling into its warmth. Their welcoming feast had been long, loud, and very entertaining. Happily stuffed and weary from the long day, the three young men were settling into Kedi's simple but comfortable room.

"Kedi, you do realize, of course, that I'm here as a spy?"

Kedi snorted and tossed another blanket over the mountain of covers that was Nikos. "I assumed you were on a fact-finding mission."

"Take it as a good sign that Grand Lord Clawdius approached me even before Lady Chattail or Clawdia did," he said with a grin. "Clawdius wants to know everything about the Far Reaches, Chattail wants everything about your family, and Clawdia wants everything about you."

Kedi wagged a finger at his friend's nose. "They are a house of taste and refinement."

Avocato swatted his hand aside. "Which doesn't explain what Clawdia sees."

"She appreciates a handsome hunter. Wait until my mother corners you," laughed Kedi. "She's as curious as Lady Chattail!"

Level with the bedding beneath them, Nikos poked his face out from his heap of blankets. "I'm almost – no, wait, I am afraid to ask, Avocato, but . . ."

"Ohhhhh-ho," grumbled Avocato, fixing him with a narrow-eyed look from on high. "Be afraid, Nikos."

"You're spying on me, too?"

"Every moment we're together."

Nikos grimaced and withdrew to his fur and fabric cave, his muffled voice asking, "What did Lady Mirrim do?"

Avocato whapped the pile with a pillow. "First chance she got, she interrogated me! For three hours! I wouldn't be surprised if my tea had been spiked with truth serum!" exclaimed Avocato. "The journey to Vel Pitten. The Catchpaw. Duneflies. Your family. Your house. Learning to swim. Learning to dance. Helping with the harvest. Your friends. Your hobbies. Your neighbors. Your farm. Your room. Your pets. Your cooking skills. I had to show her every picture and vid I took. I even brought her samples of all the spices I sent my parents because she wanted to see exactly what it was your farm produced. When she found out your mother and her friends had been in touch with our chefs, Mirrim sent her secretary to go interview them! You scored top points when she found out about what happened with the spark pepper powder. The fact that you didn't whallop Graylind and warned him not to eat the pepper despite his conduct impressed her and Lord Cordo. Plus, she knows Graylind's aunt and got even more details about what happened."

"So what else happened?" pressed Kedi, eager for gossip at Graylind's expense.

"My mother will let me know the next time she sees Mirrim. Who wants to visit the estate the next time you're there. The woman is relentless!"

Kedi chuckled. "In fairness, if I had a daughter as pretty as Lady Cordell, I would be, too."

"Well, yes, of course, but that's not the point," insisted Avocato.

"What is the point?"

"Why does this keep happening to me?"

"It's not you, Cato. It's the company you keep."

He groaned. "You're both getting traded in. And I'll have almost a month home after this to be at their mercies. If Mirrim and Chattail team up, I'll be showing up on one of your doorsteps."

"We'd say we're sorry, but we're not," admitted Kedi. "But when your fiancée's parents ask after your character, we promise not to tell them you eat rocks."

"Why didn't you mention this sooner?" demanded Nikos. Swathed in blankets, he struggled to sit upright.

Avocato shrugged, not anywhere near as upset as he'd been trying to project. "I forgot until Kedi's father asked me if Lady Chattail was fond of pearls while we were at tea."

"Is she?" pressed Kedi, deathly serious as Nikos grumbled at Avocato's unbridled density.

Avocato huffed. "I don't know any woman who isn't. I've seen her wear them in the past."

"Wait," said Nikos, realization hitting him full-on. "Cato . . . did my mother -"

"Grill me, Nikos? Every time we were alone? As a matter of fact, yes, she did. Very nicely, I might add, but just as persistently. She has but one son, sir, and she values his happiness above all. As well she should."

Nikos smiled at his words. "Well. Someday soon, I hope Princess MewMew gets her turn terrorizing your future wife's friends."

Avocato laughed, but Kedi laughed louder, saying,

"No, no, Nikos. It's not Mount MewMew our friend's wife will have to climb. That's just a foothill. It's Mount Catowba she'll have to conquer to win our Little Cato."

A final round of laughter filled the room before they settled down to sleep. A quiet little sigh, however, told his friends that Kedi was more right than Avocato was letting on.