Notes:

I am so, so sorry I haven't updated in forever. I was stuck and the last couple of months have been very weird, which was the reason I've been struggling to write.

Thank you so much to everyone who supports this fic, I really, really appreciate it and it means the world to me to know that you guys enjoy my writing.

I hope you guys like this chapter.

Chapter 63

My life changed, I'm a different guy, my girl stoked, started doing things that we dreamed when we laid down, and shoutout to my sister happy I didn't die

Oliver

"Dinah said you changed your mind. That you're not going to leave after the baby is born, is that true? Are you really going to stay this time? For good?" Oliver tensed up the moment the words left his sister's mouth. He couldn't believe she was seriously asking Sara this, even less the accusing and challenging tone of voice she had chosen for the questions.

Okay, to be fair, Thea wanting to know whether or not Sara was going to stay was not that surprising. Speedy had the tendency to be rather protective of him and he knew she knew how much Sara leaving the last time had hurt him, so having her wanting to make sure it wasn't going to happen again made sense but… still…

She could've at the very least used a different tone of voice.

He was counting down from fifty in his mind, trying to not follow his first impulse of defending Sara and possibly starting an argument in the process when Sara took the wind out of his sail while he was still gathering his thoughts and trying to come up with an approach that wouldn't lead to a fight with his baby sister.

"Yes. What mom told you is true. I'm not going to leave. Ollie helped me realize that the best thing I can do for our daughter is to be here, and raise her with her dad." Her words, but most of all the tone of her voice, calmed him down immediately. For one, she didn't sound hurt or offended by Thea's questions at all, and two; the look on her face, the soft smile and sparkle in her eyes when she searched out his eyes over her shoulder made his disapproval disappear just like that. Sara got it. She understood where Thea was coming from and she wasn't taking it personal. She was even appreciating his sister's concern for him, her protectiveness of him. He couldn't help but return the look she was giving him and kissing her temple was a reflex he couldn't have stopped even if he had wanted to.

Just on cue, Mila was making sure he knew she was currently awake and kicked his hand. He pulled Sara even closer, making sure both of his girls were safely enclosed in his arms and felt her burrow into him even more. God, this was what true happiness felt like.

He shifted his focus from the woman in his arms to the one across from them, studying them silently. His baby sister. And for just a moment he saw the young, twelve-year-old girl she had been when he had left on the Gambit with Sara, before focusing back to the here and now. She had grown up so much and not just physically. She had turned into a beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted, and headstrong young woman. He smiled softly at her. His Speedy. The very first person in his life that he had loved unconditionally and more than life itself, that he would've done anything and everything for. Thea had been his entire world, his reason for surviving, his incentive to keep on fighting for so long… the most important person in his life. It was strange to realize that she was now sharing that spot for the very first time in her life. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She had theoretically already been sharing it with William for about a year. It was just the first time she was sharing it with someone who was a part of their everyday life. He wondered whether she has had that same realization yet and how she was going to react once Mila was born.

Mila, his literal sunshine.

She had dragged him out of the darkness and given him a reason to keep on fighting to reach and stay in the light. His baby girl, his reason for working on his issues, for trying to get better and standing up for what he believed in, no matter what. He wanted to get better so badly to be the father his little miracle deserved. He wanted, no, he needed to do right by his daughter. He was going to be a constant in her life, someone she could count on. He would do right by her, unlike William… his heart constricted painfully thinking about his son… William would only ever know him as an absentee father and his mother's old friend who used to spend time with him for a very short period in his young life, granted he would even remember those very precious moments at all. Those few encounters they had had and he would cherish for as long as he would live.

His baby boy was growing up without a father.

There was nothing he could do about that. He couldn't change the choices Samantha and his mother had made when William had been even younger than Mila was now. It was too late to change anything concerning his absentee status in his son's life. Nothing he could do about that, not without endangering his boy's life even more. But he could make sure that there was only going to be one of his children who grew up without their father in their life.

He was going to be present in Mila's.

He would make sure that his baby girl would never have to question whether her father loved her or not. Why her dad wasn't in her life. He would always be there. She would always come first, no matter what. Mila was and always would be his first priority.

But that didn't change anything. It didn't make Thea any less important to him, far from it. She was still a part of him, always would be. She was still the light of his life, his family. Just not the only family anymore. And it was in this moment that he knew… he knew she needed to know that they weren't the only family they had left anymore. That they weren't the only Queens left.

"Speedy… there's something I want… we want to share with you…" He stopped, suddenly no longer knowing what to say, he felt Sara squeeze his hand, brushing her thumb on the back of it in a soothing pattern, softly stroking his thigh and he understood perfectly what she was trying to tell him. That she knew what he was thinking, and she gave him her blessing.

"Sara and I… we… picked a name for your niece." He had almost told her he had been so close, but something had stopped him. He wasn't sure what, didn't understand it himself. Thea deserved to know. She should be one of the first people to know. They had told Walter out of necessity, nothing more. Not that he regretted sharing the news with his former stepfather. Far from it. He was glad they had told Walter and had appreciated the older man's genuine happiness and well wishes. Yes, Walter had been happy for them, and that had been exactly the reaction he had needed. He hadn't known how Walter would react to the news, but it hadn't been that important. Not that he didn't value Walter's feelings and opinions, but he wasn't as much a part of his life as everyone else they had yet to tell the news to, and he wasn't sure how they were going to take it. So, having kind, understanding and supportive Walter be the first person to know and him genuinely being happy for them had been so very important. More so than he had thought or been aware of until that very moment.

He had made it a general rule not to care about what other people thought years ago, before he had started High School even, but there was a difference when it came to strangers and to the people he cared about. A part of him was terrified to tell them, because he was afraid they would not be happy for Sara and him, and he wasn't sure he could deal with that. That he could move past it. Sara made him happy. Happier than he had been in years. What would it mean if his friends weren't happy for them? Would it mean they didn't want him to be happy? Part of him believed people not being supportive and happy for them would mean they cared more about themselves and for some silly reasons not to be happy for him than his happiness. How could someone move past that knowledge and still keep those people in their life?

Yes, he was glad Walter had been the first person to learn about his wedding. Despite that, Thea should've been the first person to learn about their marriage.

His statement wasn't entirely true, not factually. Sara had had little to do with the choice of their daughter's name. Well, he had been running names by her, even though she had never given him any answer or verbal indication of what her thoughts on those names were. But he had never expected her to. He had just wanted to see her reactions to the few names he was seriously considering on his list. There had never been a lot of names on it and the ones on it had never once changed. Not that he had ever let anyone know that. Thea, Quentin, Dinah and even Laurel had really enjoyed helping him with the process and suggesting names to him, and he hadn't wanted to take that from them. It had seemed to make them happy to feel a part of it. So, he had listened, given his thoughts on their suggestions, and never brought up any of the names he had actually considered to anyone but Sara. He appreciated what they had done, but in the end, the choice was his and Sara's. Looking right through her poker face and being able to read her like an open book, even when she was trying to not show a reaction, had been very useful in that instance. Besides, he knew her overall thoughts on names for children. They had talked about that when they were kids, and in a hypothetical twice before when they were older.

Once on Lian Yu, it had more been in a joking matter, trying to hold on to the hope of a life after the island. Of getting off the island and giving them a real shot. They had painted different scenarios what their life could look like once they got off Lian Yu. Some had been realistic, some not at all. They had changed depending on the day and mood they'd been in when they had cuddled up to stay warm during the frosty nights. Trying to think of something positive, instead of the horror of their reality, before falling asleep.

And the other time had been after Sara had come back home the first time. He couldn't remember how they had ended up on the subject of children, but they had for some reason. It had been short and rather abstract. More of a maybe one day in the far of future having children might be something we could do… They hadn't really talked about the future back then, that had been the closest they had come to talk about a future together until he had brought up moving in together…

But given how he had started the first sentence, telling Thea that the two of them had decided on a name for their daughter had made sense. Not that it was what he had originally planned to tell her. He had meant to tell her he had married Sara.

Sara, who had given him her silent support, she would've been okay with it. Even if they had planned on keeping the news to themselves a little while longer. They had planned the same thing the last time around and then thrown it out the window almost instantly. Not that it had been a smart move, far from it actually. It had been one of their stupidest up to date, going with Sara to the family dinner had been moronic. He knew that now, had even known it back then, but he had never been good at telling Sara no, even less when she looked at him the way she had that evening.

His Pretty Bird had needed him.

She had been scared, unsure of what to expect. The last run in with Laurel had been a disaster. He could understand her wanting to have someone with her who would be on her side, to give her comfort, security. That was why he had gone. They had never meant for anyone to find out. They'd slipped up. One look, all it had taken, was one look. It wasn't that surprising. Neither of them had ever been good at hiding their feelings, not when it came to the other. He honestly wasn't sure how they had managed to keep their involvement a secret for as long as they had. But people only saw what they wanted to see. The truth could be right in front of them and they'd still deny it, depending on the situation. And he was sure Laurel had only waited for one small sign from either of them that night. And they had almost handed it to her on a silver platter. Both of their refusals to lie to Laurel hadn't helped defuse the situation any.

The atmosphere had been tense the entire evening. They had managed to push it to the side a little and hide it behind small talk and politeness. But it had always been there, just waiting for the right moment to take control. Anything could've led to someone blowing up. It had just so happened to be the conversation between Dinah and Quentin that had led to Laurel being fed up with the pretending. That evening hadn't at all turned out the way they had hoped. Sara and his involvement had ended up being revealed a lot sooner than they had meant for it to become public knowledge.

They had also meant to keep the pregnancy a secret a little longer, too. That hadn't worked out according to plan either. Rarely anything they did ever worked out according to their plan, so why should this be any different?

He watched his sister studying them after he'd told her their daughter's name. She was mustering them, almost as if she were trying to solve a mystery. It would be so easy to tell her, it would be the perfect moment:

'Sara and I got married.'

He could think it, but the words just wouldn't come.

It wasn't that hard, not in his mind, but that was where they stayed. The words just wouldn't go past his lips, no matter how hard he tried.

He was grateful for his wife's change of subject. The cold wasn't bothering him, but he had noticed both women shiver from time to time. He glanced at the watch on his wrist. Yeah, Sara should get something to eat before her blood sugar would drop too much and she'd feel dizzy. She hadn't had a snack in a while. And the last thing he wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable or worse, jeopardize her and Mila's health.

He helped her get up and followed close behind, keeping one arm wrapped around her waist, not ready to let go of her yet, not after yesterday and earlier today.

He knew Speedy was suspecting something, but honestly, he didn't care. He just couldn't tell her yet for some strange reason, if she figured it out on her own all the better. Oliver really wanted to let his sister know, tell her the good news, and he couldn't understand what was going on with him and why he just couldn't say the words. Maybe he'd figure it out later, after dinner.

Maybe he just didn't have the emotional capacity for yet another very personal conversation, to bare his heart and soul once again. Not after the conversation he'd had with Laurel. Was it really only yesterday? It felt like days ago. And then the conversation about Tommy he'd had with Sara earlier today… yeah, maybe he was just all talked out for the moment. He was pretty sure Thea would be happy for them, but there was a small part of him that wasn't sure, and he just couldn't deal with anything less than happiness concerning the news from anyone right now.

He pulled Sara close and kissed her temple affectionately before holding the door open for her and Thea and locking it up behind him, setting the alarm and making sure no one could enter the apartment through the roof without them knowing.

Maybe it was because telling Thea would make it real. And his happiness had the habit of disappearing whenever reality set in. Usually, it was right when disaster would strike, and he knew he couldn't handle that right now. Couldn't handle another disaster. He couldn't lose his happiness again. Couldn't risk everything turning to dust once more while his happiness slipped through his hands like the sand in an hourglass, counting down the time until it was all gone once again. And he'd be all alone in the wreckage of his broken life.

Maybe he simply felt pressured to tell her now because if everything was going according to plan he would leave to find Talia soon and if for some reason he wouldn't make it back home, Thea would never forgive him for keeping this secret from her and he couldn't stand the thought of Speedy hating him especially when there was no way for him to change her feelings and redeem himself. An impossible feat for a dead man.

He followed the two women all the way down to the apartment's main floor. It surprised him when he noticed Sara waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, even more so when she interlaced her fingers with his. It wasn't like his wife to display her affection like this. He was usually the one initiating the rather tame PDA the two of them indulged in from time to time and rarely for no reason. Not that he minded. Far from it.

It was nice.

He softly but insistently pulled at her hand to get her to come closer, once she did he gave her a quick peck on the lips and then kissed her crown affectionately before following Thea down the corridor to the kitchen, where his sister had stopped once she had realized they were no longer following her.

Speedy was standing just inside the doorway right now, watching them intently again. He raised his eyebrows in question at her look and smiled at her. His baby sister just shrugged her shoulders and grinned back at him. Her eyes straying to their interlaced hands for a moment before returning to his.

She looked rather pleased with herself, for whatever reason.

"So… what are we having for dinner?" Sara's words led to Thea taking her eyes off of him and focusing them on the blonde beside him.

"Panda Express... I couldn't decide, so I just picked the first place I passed. I hope that's fine with you guys." The tiny brunette looked a little sheepish and apologetic. He wasn't sure why; Panda Express was fine for both of them. Sure, they usually preferred the authentic Chinese food they made themselves over the Americanized version of it the fast-food chain provided, but as far as chain restaurants went, Panda Express was fine.

And Mila seemed to enjoy the Chinese kitchen too. Sara had been craving it a lot in the last couple of months and it had been one of the few meals that wouldn't make her sick at the beginning of her pregnancy.

They reheated the food and went to the living room to eat their dinner, deciding to watch TV while eating, something they had used to do a lot, back when Sara was Thea's baby sitter but hadn't done since. It was nice, familiar and normal. They let Speedy pick, neither of them familiar with most of the choices she gave them. The movie had been fun, but he had enjoyed having the two most important women in his life on either side of him even more. Especially since they both had been relaxed, Sara being comforted by his presence in between her and Thea. Yes, he had really missed this, more than he had been aware of.

"Mom would be proud of and happy for you, Ollie." Thea's voice pulled him from his thoughts and made him look up from the photo of their mom he had on the bureau in his office. He had gone to put the documents Walter had brought them away and something made him stop in front of his mother's picture. He wasn't sure what. It was the first time since he and Sara had gotten married that he had taken notice of it. Naturally, he knew it was there. He had been the one who had placed it there, after all. But he hadn't paid it any attention in months. It had blended in with everything else in his office, become a part of the room. He looked away from Thea and back to his mom's smiling face.

He still wasn't sure how he felt about her.

She had died to save Thea and him, but she had also kept his son from him. His mom had lied to him for years. She had watched him suffer and spiral out of control, never interfering, not really anyway, all the while knowing she had the information to take his pain away. Yet, refusing to share it with him. His own mother had left him in the belief his first child had died before it had ever even gotten a chance at life. She had never given him the chance to step up and take responsibility.

She had taken the choice away from him.

And he would forever be left wondering what he would've done had he known... would he have stepped up and been a father to William, as Sara insisted he would've, or would he have shirked his responsibility and still not been a part of his son's life? Would he still have gotten on the Gambit had he known about William? He had wondered about that a lot ever since the Dominators had created a reality in which him knowing about William had saved Sara and him from the fate that had come with getting on the Gambit. Not that it mattered. Not that it would change anything, but still… He wondered what he would've done, what choice he would've made.

He would never know.

His own mother had taken that very important, life-changing choice from him. William would never meet his baby sister because of this. Mila would grow up without her big brother in her life. Never experience the bond he himself shared with his baby sister. A bond he cherished above all else. His children would never have that. And that knowledge gutted him. It hurt so badly. Speedy was so very important to him, and he knew he was just as important to her. He desperately wished his children could experience this special kind of love, too. But they wouldn't, they couldn't. Because as much as it pained him, keeping William safe and alive was more important. And he was still convinced the choice he had made concerning his son was the right one. William could live a normal life without him in it. Because Samantha was living a normal life, Samantha could give him that.

The situation with Mila was an entirely different one. Both he and Sara had enemies and even if they decided to step away from it all forever, those enemies still might decide to come after them for revenge and therefore even if he had decided not to be a part of Mila's life and Sara would've chosen to raise her on her own, she still would've been in danger because of who Sara was. Keeping William away from it all was the best way to keep him safe. And keeping Mila close was the best way to keep her safe. He knew that his logic probably made little sense to anyone else besides Sara, who had seemed to understand it when he was trying to explain his feelings concerning his different approaches to his children and their safety to her a while back. She had looked at him as if he was making perfect sense. But then again, they did usually think similarly.

Thea's words startled him. He hadn't expected her. She had been helping Sara with dessert. He turned around, facing her.

"I hope so." He wasn't too sure about that. His mother had never been a tremendous supporter of his involvements with Sara. He could easily recall the first time they both had realized that his mom knew about them.

They had just come out of his dad's office after they'd had some fun in it. What neither of them had expected was his mother waiting for them. She had given them her patented disapproving glare. He had expected her to say something about what they had done, lecture them about how wrong what they were doing was. But all she had said was: "I think it's time for you to go home, Sara."

That was all his mother had ever said concerning his affair with Sara. Not that she had needed to say anything. Both Sara and he were very aware of just what she had thought about Sara, and her thoughts on their involvement had been obvious. Yes, Moira Dearden Queen would not have been happy with his choice of wife. Or maybe learning just how happy Sara made him would've changed her mind. Maybe she would've been happy for him. She had always liked Sara as a person, just not as a possible future daughter-in-law.

"Ollie, Mom would be so proud of you. And happy. I wish she could be here and see you now, see how happy you are, how happy Sara makes you. She'd probably point out that she's too young to be a grandma, but she would look forward to meeting little Mila." Speedy's conviction in her words was like a soothing balm. Maybe she was right, maybe their mom would've felt that way. She hadn't said anything when Sara had come home, and they got back together. There had also been no disapproving stares. Besides, Sara had changed so much in the last couple of years, grown up so much. Yeah, maybe his mom would've been happy for them. Maybe she would've looked forward to becoming a grandma, just like Dinah did... yeah, maybe she would've been happy about her second grandchild... Or maybe she would've tried to make Sara and Mila disappear too. The bitter taste that usually came with the memory of his mother was suddenly back. It had been gone for only a brief moment, but was back with a vengeance now.

"Is everything okay?" He decided to change the subject, wondering if there was a reason Thea had come looking for him.

"Yeah, everything's great. Sara just asked me to let you know that dessert is ready." His sister assured him.

He threw one last glance at his mother's smiling face before turning around and leaving his office with his sister. Deciding to wade through the mess that were his feelings for his mom at another time. Tonight was about spending time with Speedy and Sara, just enjoying their company. It was about happiness and family, the one who was still alive. Tonight wasn't about ghosts, it was about the living.

"I love you, sis." He wrapped Thea in a bear-hug before letting her put her jacket on and leaving. He wasn't sure when the last time was he had told her this, but it felt good to say it. And it was important she knew.

"I know. I love you, too, bro." She returned the hug just as tightly, holding on for as long as he would let her. He kissed her forehead before stepping away and letting her go.

"Drive safely and let me know when you're home. Thank you for coming over tonight. I really needed this." He brushed her cheek with his hand, smiling at her. It was true. He had missed her, missed this. Not having Thea around every day, not living with her, was still strange, even after all this time. It felt wrong to some extent, but he would never say anything. He knew she enjoyed living with Laurel and it was good for her. Laurel was good for her. Still, he missed sharing a roof with her.

"I promise, and I'll text you the minute I walk through the door. Wouldn't want you to send a search party." Speedy rolled her eyes and grinned at him mischievously. What if he was overprotective and had the tendency to maybe, possibly slightly overreact from time to time when it came to her safety? She was his baby sister, and this was his job description as her older brother.

"And you are welcome, anytime. I seriously needed that, too. Tell your girlfriend thank you, too. What she said meant a lot, and I appreciate it." Thea had this unique way of mixing serious with teasing and she once again just found the perfect middle ground between the two.

"Sara's not my…" he started, but was interrupted by his sister.

"… not your girlfriend, we're just friends… yeah, yeah, I know… heard that one before, but whatever, after tonight there's no way I'll believe that old stick any longer." Thea's attitude was screaming "whatever" and reminded him of the bratty girl she used to be. Especially the way she was waving him off and rolling her eyes. There was something about her tone of voice and behavior that rubbed him the wrong way and slightly annoyed him. Not enough to start an argument, but enough to want to make her shut up and drop the bratty attitude. And maybe for her to eat her own words… just a little. It was the second time tonight that she chose a tone he felt was inappropriate and he was a bit fed up with it.

"Actually, what I was going to say was, Sara's not my girlfriend, she's my wife." The look on his sister's face was priceless. She looked like a fish out of water and completely shocked. Oh, yeah, so worth it. Oliver one, Thea zero.

"Wait, what… did you just… wife?" She stuttered, trying to wrap her head around the words he had just spoken, he could see how her mind was processing the information it had just received and tried to make sense of it all. Her reaction was highly amusing.

"Yes, I did. We got married the day I…" he once again started to explain but as before, was interrupted by Speedy.

"… the day you texted to tell me you'll be MIA for a few days… it all makes perfect sense now… Oh my god, Ollie! This is huge! This is amazing! I'm so happy for you, bro! You're married!" Thea squealed happily before she threw herself in his arms, jumping up and down excitedly while holding on to him the whole time. He felt how a burden lifted and relief flooded through him. Thea was happy for them, more than that ecstatic. He wrapped his arms around her again and pulled her even closer, letting himself get taken over by her excitement. They stayed like that for a moment until Thea moved away a little, still holding on to him but searching his eyes. She made sure he was looking at her before she suddenly hit his shoulder, hard.

"Ow. What was that for?" He looked at her, bewildered and amused.

"Why didn't you say anything? I mean, how, why,… didn't you want… I would've…" he could see Thea's confusion and hurt clearly in her eyes.

"Speedy, no. Whatever it is you're thinking, stop. We didn't tell anyone because it was a spur-of-the-moment thing and we didn't and still don't want to make a big deal out of it. It's something we did just for us. It has nothing to do with anyone else and if we would've had anyone at our wedding, it would've been you, but it just being Sara and I had felt right." Oliver wasn't sure if he was explaining it right, if what he said made sense. He sought his sister's eyes again and saw a shimmer of understanding in them.

"Well, good, that's good. I'm glad you got married the way that was right for both of you. I would've loved to be there and if you ever decide to actually throw a party, I'd totally be organizing it, but I get it. And I have to admit, it's so totally like you and Sara to pull a stunt like that. I'm happy for you, both of you. And I love you! And I will throw you guys a celebration, even if it's just the three of us, but there will be cake and Sara will cover your face in it and I will make sure that there are pictures and there is no arguing." Thea's words made him laugh. God, he loved her so much!

"Deal. I love you, too. And I'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourself for now. Sara and I aren't quite ready to share it with everyone yet." He was actually looking forward to Thea's little celebration, but he needed to make sure she understood.

"Your secret's safe with me. I promise. I won't tell anyone until you guys are ready to share it. Thank you for telling me. It means a lot." She hugged him close again, and he gladly reciprocated.

"Hey, everything alright? You guys have been in the entrance for a long time." Sara's words led to the two of them finally separating, Thea practically pushing him away and rushing over to his wife, giving her a very warm, very tight hug. His Pretty Bird looked surprised for a moment but returned the embrace none the less even if a little apprehensive.

"Congrats, and I'm so happy for you. Ollie just told me you guys got married! I can't believe it! This is like the best news ever!" He could easily detect the realization in his wife's eyes at his sister's words and the way her face changed from bewildered to happy in a very short period of time.

"Thank you. It means a lot. And I'm really glad you think so." Sara squeezed Thea tightly for a moment before stepping away from the hug and moving closer to him again, yet holding on to one of Thea's hands and still smiling brightly.

"Well, duh, why wouldn't I? I mean, it's about damn time… seriously!" Thea still looked giddy too and was laughing in amusement at what she seemed to think was the absurdity of them, thinking she wouldn't be happy for them.

They talked for a little while longer and made plans to spend some time together again soon before Thea left.

It was shortly after Thea had left that Roy got back to them. Sara had a short conversation with him, during which he had promised to have Gideon search for Talia's whereabouts and that he had to finish up on some things and would come to their place as soon as he was done.

Notes:

Let me know what you think. I've been really struggling with this chapter and I really hope I got Oliver right and his actions make sense.

We got some Ollie/Speedy scenes, I hope you guys enjoyed them.

Chapter title is from the songs "Sellout", "I don't care" and "Hello Hollywood" by Tom MacDonald.