Notes:

Thank you guys so much for your support, it means a lot and I really appreciate it.

This chapter completely took on a life of its own and I have no clue where all of this came from… but I just ran with it and it's here now and let me know what you guys think.

Okay honestly I've decided to rewatch Season 3, god knows why and I've regretted it being barely half way into episode one, up to Episode 11 and yeah, there will be a rant at the end. There hasn't been one of those in a while, lol.

Here are some things to consider for this chapter:

So, Maseo told Oliver he and Sara came to the League at the same time... that means Sara spent between 6-12 months alone on Lian Yu? With Ivo's former prisoners and men? And then after that time Nyssa found her starving and afraid. The only way Sara would've been starving, were if she had been so badly injured that she couldn't find food. Or if she'd been held captive and they hadn't fed her. Or am I seeing that wrong?

So Amanda Waller was watching Oliver on Lian Yu with a satellite, this means she knew exactly what had happened to Sara too, right? Or am I getting that wrong?

Just as information, I'm going with the wound Ra's inflicted on Oliver's chest and not his wrapped stomach, we were shown the next episode. And since I like things to be as close to reality as possible, Oliver was gone way longer in my universe than the show. He was run through with a sword, pretty sure one of his lungs would've been severely injured given the entry point of the sword. That takes more than a couple of weeks to heal. Also not sure about the penicillin and will to survive. Tatsu ends up protecting the Lotus, so I'm going with her knowing more potions going in that direction, just like Yao Fei and his herbs and Constantine and his magic. There's no way he would've survived his wound, never the less his fall otherwise without surgery and a hospital. This probably won't come up in the story but it just annoys me so I'm letting you guys know.

Also it is not that Felicity friendly... there are a couple of questions that came up while rewatching Season Three and those are sort of being addressed here, let me know if I got something wrong.

Chapter 69

First flag you see, they'll be actin withdrawn want to be by themselves, sittin alone, cryin out for the help but some don't respond til they dead and they gone

Sara

She had been contemplating whether or not to bring this up for the last couple of days. Thea had shown up after her classes as planned. She and Sin had stayed over and spent the night, and the following day and another night and eventually just decided to crash here until Ollie was back, which had not been planned at all, but very welcomed none the less.

The three younger adults had gotten mattresses from different rooms and put them all on the living room floor, recreating sleepovers they used to have as kids, the type she hoped her daughter would have one day, when she was older, with a group of friends like Sin, Roy and Thea, at her and Ollie's place; no discussion.

Their home was going to be the home other kids came to hang out at. Period. She didn't care what they had to do to achieve that, even if it was building a fucking amusement park inside of their home, but she was not going to have their baby girl stay at strangers houses, that would be way too stressful, and she was pretty sure there was no way in hell she could keep Ollie from staking that place out if they allowed her to spend the night at a friend's, and she wasn't sure if she wouldn't be right there with him. And it would've nothing to do with not trusting their daughter and everything to do with knowing what a dangerous place the world was and how deprived some people could be behind closed doors. Knowing very well that behavior like that was not really an option or healthy in any way, shape or form. So, having the other kids stay at their place was the way to go. It also gave them the chance to know what was going on with their daughter and her friends. They would know where she was, who she was spending time with, and what they were doing. There were no guarantees, of course. Noone knew that better than Ollie and her, given the shit they had gotten into as teenagers, but it would ease both of their minds massively.

Honestly, Sara had been very grateful for the constant presence of Roy, Sin and Thea and enjoyed their company immensely, but had declined the offer to sleep in the living room with them. Bringing up Mila and how sleeping on the floor wasn't really practical right now. Quietly apologizing to her daughter for using her as an excuse to not stay with them during the night. If the situation were different, she might have stayed with them… probably not, but maybe.

She didn't like to be in such close proximity to other people. People were vulnerable when they slept, not that she didn't trust them, or thought they would do anything to her, not at all. But she had no control over her mind while she slept, and she refused to let them see the effects of wherever her mind might take her. Especially with Ollie gone. He was the only one she was comfortable seeing her like that, being that vulnerable with. Never mind the fact that she would drag the mood down, knowing full well where her mind was going to take her right before sleep would take her over. No, they should have fun.

And she would give herself this time to face reality. To be acutely aware of Ollie's absence, by the empty side of their bed. To think about the different ways her and her daughter's lives may go depending on the outcome of Ollie's meeting with Talia and everything following this with Prometheus and Ruvé. This was only the first step of Ollie's plan to bring the fight to them, to changing the game. To no longer only react but to actively work on taking them out. As he used to do before... before, too many voices began to influence him, to use his vulnerable state against him and to change his modus operandi. They took away his advantage, his power. His chance of winning. They forced him to react instead of acting, to play defense instead of offense.

He was no longer the one in control. The one who knew every last detail about his opponent before ever engaging them. No, the tables had turned. His opponents seemed to know everything about him, while he knew practically nothing about them. And then in addition to that, his team tied his hands behind his back even further, convincing him killing should be off the table no matter the situation. Moronic.

She could feel the demons beneath her skin scoff and stir in disbelief at the thought. Yes, some deaths were necessary. There were people in the world who shouldn't be allowed to keep breathing in the same air as their future victims, not while the ones of their past would never be able to take another breath. There were people too dangerous to be allowed to stay alive. Her mind took her back to the Dollmaker, how anyone could've known all of his crimes and that he had escaped from prison to just go back to torture and kill innocent women and still believe death wasn't the only way to deal with a monster like that was beyond her. No, everyone who was as soulless, as monstrous, and dangerous as the Dollmaker should not go on breathing. People like that weren't going to change and would take any chance they could get to escape and resume killing innocent people. There was a reason the death penalty existed after all and when the law decided to not punish those guilty of the most heinous of crimes to the full extent of the law and throw the fucking book at them, instead risking the offenders getting free again, it was up to them to make sure they would never hurt anyone else ever again. And the only way to do that was to make sure they would never take another breath themselves.

Their city was too far gone to handle criminals with silk gloves. Nothing was going to change as long as the consequences stayed the same. The justice system was currently too corrupt to trust them to handle the monsters in their midst in accordance with the crime committed. Especially while Ruvé Adams was in Office. Maybe the no killing debate could be brought back to the table once Ruvé was dealt with and the corruption was taken care of, if it was ever going to be fixed, which she seriously doubted.

Her eyes strayed from Sin to Thea and then Roy, still contemplating whether ruining the relaxed mood was something she wanted to do or not. In the end, her need to know what had transpired between her husband and her father that had led to the tension between them won over enjoying the cozy atmosphere.

"I was just wondering… Ollie doesn't like to talk about what happened while I was… gone. And Laurel and dad only told me very little. But I feel like there is a lot that I'm missing, especially concerning Ollie and dad, so I was hoping maybe you guys could help me fill in some blanks?" Sara still wasn't sure it was a smart question; pretty sure her request would ruin the relaxed mood, but she needed to know, and this was pretty much her one chance to maybe get some more answers.

The loaded glances that were being exchanged between the three friends did not go unnoticed by her, and she wondered what the result of their silent conversation would be. And if maybe they had been told not to share what had happened while she was dead with her. This made her question who the request might have come from, if there had been one at all.

"After… I can only fill in so much, I wasn't around for all of it. Most of what I know up to the moment Ollie told me he was the Arrow is from what I was told by the others. And then there are some events that only Ollie was present and all we have is his accounts… and those are usually not very detailed and semi accurate, not saying he's a liar or attacking him in any way, just stating facts. But here is some of what I know." Thea was the one who broke the silence first, even while Roy was throwing her a glare, making her wonder why he might disagree with them sharing the past events with her. Sara was pretty sure guilt played a huge part in the brunette's choice to tell her what had happened and go against Roy's wishes. Part of her felt bad about it. She'd make it up to her somehow.

"After… after you… I think it was maybe a week or two after that Ollie came to Corto Maltese to convince me to come back home. It was several weeks after that, at Christmas, when he left to go up against Ra's al Ghul in order to protect me from him, after Malcolm's threat of revealing my involvement in your death to Ra's. This is information I didn't know at the time. He never even told me he was leaving. He had just told me that there wasn't anything he wouldn't do to protect me and that it meant he loved me. He had just walked out of the apartment after that and didn't come home or answer any of my texts or calls. It made no sense to me, not after he had traveled all the way to Corto to get me and the things he had told me there. Ollie was gone for weeks, and no one could get in touch with him or knew what had happened, whether he was alive or dead." Thea stopped with her recounting of the events, taking a deep breath and a sip of her water, blinking away tears.

Ollie had gone off to fight Ra's. She had known that already, both from Laurel and Ollie himself. He had left out the part about him going up against Ra's on what would've been her twenty-seventh birthday, though. This was a fact he had conveniently left out while sharing the events that had led to his new scars. That newly gained knowledge explained so much, especially concerning the way he had felt during and after the fight. Everything made even more sense now. Not that it hadn't before, but it was almost as if that minor detail filled in the rest of the picture.

Sara softly placed her hand on top of her sister-in-law's understanding how she felt. The knowledge that Ollie had almost died then had been hard for her to take too.

They'd been hiking in the Ngorongoro Conservation Area pretty early on in their trip, just days before Nate had sought them out and they had helped him save the Legends. Ollie had taken his shirt off because of the heat, baring his latest scars to her eyes.

"Doing this right now might not have been our brightest idea." Sara turned around and looked at her companion when she noticed that he had stopped walking and was looking down the path they had come from, while wiping sweat off his face. True, their timing wasn't that great, but she really wanted to trek this path, had wanted to for years, ever since the first time she had seen it in an animal documentary as a child, and always stopping and waiting in the shade for hours until the heat was less severe would mean it'd take them forever to finish it. She also knew that was not what Ollie meant, and he wasn't at all suggesting that. Sharing her opinion on the matter of wasting time, he was simply stating a fact. They did take breaks whenever they came across a place they liked, to enjoy the view or watch the wildlife, and they had plenty of water with them.

Her eyes automatically followed the path his shirt was taking, when he decided to take it off, starting at the waistband of his pants, up his abs and over his chest, before suddenly stopping.

Sara noticed the new very prominent scar on his chest right away, given how intimately acquainted with his body she was and knowing every inch, every mark, every line of every tattoo and every single scar by heart, she could draw them blind if she had to, at least the ones he had gotten before she had left Starling, before she had left him. Turned her back and walked away from the only man she had ever loved. As if he had meant nothing to her.

The by now familiar pang that came with the memory of that event, that choice of hers, made her wonder once again if maybe it had been the wrong one, if maybe there had been another way to defeat Slade, maybe then they would've… maybe things would've gone differently. Or maybe everyone would've ended up dead and not just Moira and her. They would never know now. She had chosen to leave him, to run back to the League, to walk away from everything she had ever wanted, everything he was offering her. In the end the reasons for her choice no longer mattered, neither did the fact that she had been working out a sort of schedule with Nyssa that would've allowed her to spend more time away from Nanda Parbat and in Starling instead, with her family, with Ollie, while still keeping up her end of the deal she had made with Ra's in exchange for the League's help in defeating Slade. Hoping that maybe he'd forgive her for breaking his heart, take her back once more, give them another chance, that maybe they could make a part-time long-distance relationship work.

None of it mattered anymore.

She stepped closer towards him, her eyes tracing the raised skin, which was obviously the result of a sword, suspecting there was a similar one on his back. Reaching out and softly tracing the mark forming a line just right of his breastbone was pure instinct. She felt a spark go through her body at the feeling of his naked skin under her fingers, the heat of his body and the dampness from the sweat. It never disappointed, it was a familiar reaction, to a familiar feeling, one she always had with him, being very aware of his half naked state, the way his chest rose and fell, the beating of his heart and how he sucked in a breath when her fingers gently traced the raised skin of the to her new scar adorning his chest.

"Ra's ran me through with a sword." His words were soft, his voice slightly husky, and she wondered if the touch of her hand on his chest was having the same effect on him as it had on her or if it was because of the memory replaying in his mind. She didn't dare look up from the scar on his chest to find out. She had to resist the urge to seek out its replica on his back with her other hand, his words confirming her suspicion and its existence. That would be a bad idea, way too intimate. They were both dealing with way too much shit already to add to it and throw the romantic or physical aspects of their past into the mix. No, they were here as friends, as support, not as former lovers. This was neither the time nor the place to try and deal with all of that baggage on top of everything else.

Ollie had just gotten his heart shattered. The last thing he needed right now was to complicate things even more with the mess that usually came along with the two of them being together. He needed a friend right now, nothing more, nothing less, and she could be that for him. She would always be that for him. A safe place to land, someone with no expectations of him, someone who wouldn't take advantage of his mental and emotional state. Someone he could just be with without things getting complicated and feelings being thrown into the mix. A simple shoulder to lean on.

She wanted to say something witty, something to break the tension, but her mind refused to come up with anything, not while tracing the scar, being acutely aware of how close to being killed he had come. It was a wonder he was still alive. This wound should've been lethal. Especially given the fall that had surely followed after. Knowing Ra's and knowing Ollie, their meeting probably hadn't been by chance, not while knowing Thea's part in her death. Ollie would've done whatever it took to keep her safe, including a duel with Ra's al Ghul himself. And she knew exactly where those took place.

He had been lucky, so very lucky.

The thought of her almost having lost him again crossed her mind, and she ended up with a lump in her throat while her chest constricted painfully. At the same time, knowing it was silly, she had been dead herself when this had happened, but her feelings refused to be brushed aside by rationality and logic.

"We should keep moving, if we want to pass Olmoti Crater and reach Empakai Crater and be back before nightfall." Sara took her hand off of his chest and turned away from him, swallowing hard. Suddenly being very aware of the fact that she could've been brought back into a world without Oliver in it. This wasn't anything she wanted to think about. Even less the repercussions that would've come with that reality.

"Sara…" his hand softly brushed her shoulder, his voice quiet but insistent, forcing her to look over her shoulder and straight into his beautiful and inquisitive eyes, mustering her own tenderly.

"It's nothing, Ollie, I just… do you know how lucky you were to survive that?" She hadn't meant to say anything, hadn't meant to bring it up, to give voice to her thoughts, her fears but there was something about the way he was looking at her that always led to her spilling her guts, whether she had intended to or not.

"Yes." His voice was firm, the confirmation leaving no ground for arguments. He wasn't denying shit. That was new. It usually took her longer to get him to admit to things like this. Not that she was complaining, but it did make her wonder. Now she was the one mustering him, searching his eyes for the unspoken truth, a truth she was terrified to discover. His hand was sliding down her shoulder now, taking hold of her upper arm, not painfully, just enough to make sure he was holding on to her, both physically and symbolically. Just when she read the truth in his eyes.

Lucky wasn't always how he was feeling about that fact.

There was a part of him that wished he hadn't survived the wound. Hadn't survived Ra's al Ghul's sword. And that knowledge pained her, even while understanding that yearning perfectly, just like he sometimes wished he had succumbed to that wound, she still sometimes wished she had never been brought back, never been roused from her eternal rest. She knew how he felt, and that was what hurt the most, knowing that he was feeling the same anguish and yearning as she did. It was a feeling she had never wanted him to experience. A feeling she had hoped he never would have to live with.

Sara turned all the way around and drew him into her arms. Holding on to him tightly. Trying to give him some semblance of peace, to absolve him of his dark thoughts, to make sure he knew she understood, and she would never condemn him for his death wish, she was trying to give him some sort of comfort, trying to give him something. His arms wrapped around her, drawing her closer still, while he buried his face in the place between her neck and shoulder. The tears hitting her naked skin surprised her but weren't unwelcome, feeling her own run down her cheeks.

Yes, she understood the desperation perfectly.

This had been the first time during their trip they had cried together. But by far not the last. They had talked about his first encounter with Ra's a bit more at later dates. He had probably shared more with her than he had with Thea, especially when it came to the moments before he had thought he was taking his last breaths. There was no way in hell he'd share his last thoughts and feelings with his baby sister. No way he'd share with her that part of him was relieved that it was finally over. He'd finally be done and get to rest. To hopefully join her, as he had confessed to her on his birthday, after… after Mila had been conceived. Unbeknownst to them. Yes, Ollie tended to be the most open and honest about his feelings during the time period right after sex and right before he'd fall asleep. Those were the moments they had shared some of their most private thoughts, feelings and hopes with each other, murmured into damp, naked skin or whispered across the small space left between their faces across the pillow, legs still intertwined. Things they wouldn't dare say while fully conscious in fear of what might happen if they gave voice to those thoughts in the light of day. Afraid it would all turn to ash.

Countless secrets and hopeful dreams had been shared between them like this over the years while they had shared a bed, but only in those moments, only while they were between the heights of pleasure and the oblivion of sleep. That period of time had become their safe space, especially during their affair. It had been the only time they had dared to give voice to their innermost desires, to their hearts' wishes. It had been during those moments that they had dared to dream about a future together, but only in hushed tones, barely audible, talking about what their life could look like. How they wanted it to look like. All those things that were never to be mentioned in the light of day, when reality set back in and shattered the dream about travelling the world while creating a family, raising their children at the same time. A dream they had slowly created together during the years following that very first time they had slept together, it had taken up more shape during the year they had spent together on Lian Yu, up until the night she had left Starling to ask Nyssa for help.

Yes, all they used to have were those stolen, intimate moments. But no more. They still shared those moments and talked in whispers, but they had started to make their plans in the light of day, sitting at their kitchen table while eating breakfast. It was still new, still something they were both getting used to, but she liked it. Liked the implication that came with it. What they were sharing now were no longer hopeless dreams whispered in the dark of night because there was no place for them in the light of day. No, what they were doing now was making plans for their life together. They were creating their future, their reality in the light of day. Something both of them had given up on ever having countless times over the past ten plus years. This was why they were cherishing those moments so much right now. They never took them for granted, knowing full well they could be taken from them at any given moment in time, like they had been before.

Thea had gathered her thoughts and pulled herself together enough to continue her recount of what had happened. Speedy talked about Malcolm training her, just as he had been trained by the League, this knowledge made the demons under her skin seethe in a red hot fury, wishing they could get their hands on the man who had physically abused and tortured his own daughter in the name of training. Malcolm was lucky their paths hadn't crossed before she had gotten pregnant, she would've killed him, simply for what she had known before now, now, now that she knew exactly what he had done to Thea, she would make sure his death was as slow and painful as possible, should he ever cross her path, after Mila was born. She was also told about a lunatic who had been obsessed with Ollie to the point of learning how to use a bow and arrow just because he had saved her life, about Lyla getting wounded, Laurel taking up training with Ted Grant, who had a gym and was a vigilante years before Ollie had come back home. Thea also told her about Ollie and Felicity going on one date and things just spiraling between them from that moment on. She learnt about Felicity's involvement with Ray after Ollie had pushed her away. This made her wonder about the seriousness of the younger woman's feelings towards Ollie. If Felicity had really loved him as she had apparently claimed at the time, she wouldn't have moved on as quickly as she had, at least not with the man who had taken one of the last things Ollie had had left of his parents from him.

The younger woman's actions surprised her. She wouldn't have thought she was one of those women, that she could be bought. It looked like she had been wrong. Ray Palmer had offered her whatever she wanted, and Felicity had apparently put her morals and decency away in exchange, accepting to work for the man who had taken the company from her friend. More than that, a man she claimed to love. Sara couldn't understand Felicity's actions. She understood the game Felicity had played; it was a game Ollie, and she had played time and again during their affair, yes, she had been very good at throwing other men in his face, whenever she had been forced to spend time with him and Laurel, or she'd run into him at a party unexpectedly while he had been with another girl, but they had been young, immature and usually drunk and high and they both had been very aware how fucked up the game they were playing was. They had both known what the other was doing and, more times than not, they ended up leaving the party together. It was a game she would've never played had Laurel not been in the picture, if Ollie had been hers and only hers. There would've been no reason to play any games. His reactions were a testament to his feelings towards her. It had sometimes been the only way for her to know that she wasn't just another warm body in his bed, especially at the beginning. But from what she was told now, Ollie had told Felicity exactly how he felt about her, that he loved her, so why had she thrown Ray in his face, purposely hurting him even more than he must have already been hurting?

This was insane! She couldn't believe what she was hearing right now. This was more insane than she had ever expected. Her brain was still trying to process everything she had learnt from Thea up until now, when suddenly Roy broke his silence and took over.

"Look, Sara, I'm not sure… Oliver was gone, and we needed information concerning Brick and his goons. By that time, Laurel had started to go out in the field and everyone assumed it was you… even your dad. So, Laurel and Felicity thought the best way to get it was to ask your dad as you. I shouldn't have… Felicity had had recordings of your voice, and she used an algorithm that would pick the right words in your voice and make it seem as if the detective were talking to you and not Laurel. Laurel called him on the phone, making him believe it was you. I wasn't comfortable doing that, deceiving him like that, but I didn't feel it was my place to tell Laurel what to do concerning her father. I should've stopped them, should've said something. I'm so sorry, Sara." Sara wasn't sure what the hell Laurel had been thinking, and even less why Felicity went along with it and they deceived her dad this badly. The thought of what they've done, how they've kept him in the belief she was still alive months after her death, that they had used recordings of her voice… and what the fuck? She had never given anyone permission to record her conversations.

Had Ollie been aware of this? Had he known Felicity had recorded them while they were on the comms during missions? She doubted it. They had some very private conversations, sure they've used Mandarin for those most of the time just to be on the safe side in case they were being overheard, but still. It also meant Felicity could've had those translated if she had wanted to. Or anyone else who got their hands on it and wanted information on her and Ollie, it wasn't that difficult with today's technology, there were programs specifically for that. Just like there were for voice recognition. They'd be seriously fucked if anyone got their hands on those recordings.

This had been another very stupid and dangerous move from Ollie's IT girl and she really needed to find out whether he had been aware of it or not. And why, he hadn't told her, had he known. It was difficult for her to think Ollie had known and not told her. That wasn't like him. Not at all. And if he really hadn't known, he needed to know of their existence.

Or had the recordings been made while they had crashed at the Foundry? Ollie had always turned all the cameras off while they were there. Had they still been recorded? Had Felicity recorded and listened to their private and intimate moments? Conversations they've had had about their pasts, the trauma they had shared, gaps from the four years they had spent apart that they had filled in, the dreams they had talked about.

Sara felt sick to her stomach at the thought and severely violated.

This was not okay. It was one thing when she had been aware, that had been fun, majorly stupid on both her and Ollie's part but fun and private, he had promised no one would ever see those and she knew it was a promise he had kept to this day, not even sure if those tapes still existed or he had destroyed them. If he'd been smart, he'd deleted them years ago, shortly after they had made them, but knowing Ollie he probably hadn't, at least not before the Gambit. Choosing to get recorded was one thing. But against their knowledge was something else entirely. Had it only been their voices, or had it been a camera? And if so, had people watched them?

And to have her sister and someone she had considered a friend use those recordings that had so severely violated her privacy to give her dad the impression he was talking to her on the phone months after she had died… she couldn't even.

"I knew it wasn't you, would've, even if Oliver hadn't told me about your death. And I told your dad that. I told him it wasn't you." Sara only registered Sin's words in the background, her mind going a million miles a minute while her stomach churned at the revelation of just how far her sister had gone to keep her death from their dad.

Sara got up from the armchair. She put one of her hands over her mouth while dashing to the bathroom, throwing up for the first time in months. This was sick. This was twisted and yet, people still blamed her for sleeping with her sister's boyfriend nearly a decade later. This was so much worse than that and no one had done anything to stop them? No one had thought about how wrong this was? What learning the truth after going through such lengths to deceive her dad would do to him?

Oliver would have never let this happen had he been here.

God, how could Laurel do that to their dad? How could Felicity go along with it? Why hadn't Diggle or Roy stopped them?

She dug her phone out of her pocket and pressed speed dial one, while laying her head on the cool seat of the toilet. The phone was picked up after the third ring.

"Ollie? I…" she wasn't sure what she was going to say, she just needed to hear his voice, she just needed him right now. Beginning to understand why he had refused to tell her about the events of the year she had been dead. Was he even aware of this?

"Sara. What's wrong? Are you hurt? Is Mila alright?" Shit, she had never intended for his mind to spiral and go down that road. She should've expected it, though.

"We're okay, Mila's fine. I just... I asked them about the year I was... how could Laurel do this to dad?" She wasn't sure if she was making sense and being coherent, but needing to just get it off her chest, needing to tell him, hoping sharing it with him would somehow help her understand.

"Sara... she was... your dad's heart problems were really bad, she was worried learning about your... that it would literally kill him, that's why she wanted to wait with telling him, until his condition was better. I didn't agree with her, but it was really not my place." His voice was soft, quiet. He was trying to soothe her while rationalizing her sister's actions, but he didn't understand what she was saying.

"No, that's not… how could she pretend to be me? How could she deceive him like that?" Sara tried again to make Oliver understand just exactly what she was talking about.

"I think she didn't intend to. She just decided to take up your mantle and go after criminals as Canary." She had obviously still not been clear enough. He still wasn't understanding her. This was new. Ollie usually always got what she was talking about right away.

"No, no, she did. She deceived him on purpose. Roy said so." She was insistent, almost desperate in her need for him to understand what she was talking about, for him to hopefully make sense of it for her, helping calm the storm within her.

"Sar, Pretty Bird, what are you talking about?" Her husband had obviously reached the conclusion that their usual flawless communication was not at all working today and changed his approach, probably not wanting to upset and agitate her even more by continuing to play the guessing game.

"The phone call." Sara wasn't sure why she hadn't just started with that. It was pretty clear what she was talking about now.

"What phone call?" the bewildered and confused tone of his voice was a welcoming surprise. As much as she had wished he could make sense of all of that for her, she had hoped he wouldn't know what she was talking about.

"You don't know… thank god! I wasn't sure if they told you once you were back." The relief she felt at his unawareness was undeniable. She wasn't sure how she would've felt had he known and not told her about this.

"Told me what? Sara, what's going on? What has Roy told you that has you this worked up? What happened?" Ollie sounded really worried now.

"Roy said that Laurel and Felicity used recordings of my voice to get dad to help them with information, making him believe he was talking to me. Months after I had died, while you were in Nanda Parbat. How could they do that to him?" She took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to keep her composure. Waiting for Ollie's reply. But all she was greeted with was silence on the other side of the phone. Fair enough, if he really hadn't known, he'd need some time to process all of this. Hell, she was still processing all of this.

"Ollie?" She carefully questions after several more minutes of silence on his end, getting worried at the lack of response. Not sure what to expect.

"They did what?!" Sara had no trouble detecting the disbelieve and underlying fury in his voice. He really had known none of it. A part of her was relieved, even though she had never really believed he had known. He would've never agreed with any of this, never would've let any of this happen.

"According to Roy, they called dad, Laurel talked to him and Felicity used an algorithm to filter recordings of my voice to give him the impression he was talking to me. I can't even… I do not know how Laurel could do this to dad. It is so cruel. So wrong. I get why she might have wanted to wait, given his heart condition, but not that long and this is something else entirely. She went way too far with that. How could she do that to him? I don't understand." And she really didn't. She could feel the bile rise up her throat again at the thought and put the speaker on, so she could hear his reply, before dropping the phone on the floor next to her, throwing up again.

"I don't know, Pretty Bird, I have no words… I had no idea, I swear. Sara, how bad is it? Do you need me to call Caitlin?" His quiet disbelief turned into concern when he heard her throw up, understandable given the last time they had been in a similar situation.

"No, it's fine, I'm fine. I'm just… processing." Sara tried to ease his worry, but it was also the truth. She wasn't having an episode. She was simply disgusted with the information she had just received and it literally made her sick to her stomach, which was why she was certain her stomach would settle once she had managed to process everything, and she'd be able to eat something later.

"Alright, if you're sure, but promise me, you'll call her if you're not feeling better in an hour." His frustration at not being home with her was easy to detect under his worry for them, and his request was very reasonable.

"I will, I promise." They were quiet for several moments after her promise before another thought crossed her mind again.

"Ollie… How did Felicity get recordings of my voice? I never agreed to that. I would've never agreed to that." This was something that bothered her severely. There were recordings of her voice out there, which could be used for god knows what if the wrong people got their hands on them. There could be private conversations that were recorded that someone could be listening to without her consent.

"I don't know. I swear Sara, I had no idea, but I will find out. I never told her to record anything. Any recording of our conversations during our missions or even while we were simply in the Foundry would've implicated ourselves, had they been found by the government. Had I known she was recording us, I would've stopped her. I would've made her destroy them all, something I will do as soon as I'm back home. I am so sorry, Sara. I'm sorry you got violated this way." She had picked the phone back up, switching off speaker phone again and moved it back to her ear.

"It isn't your fault, Ollie. And I'm pretty sure I wasn't the only one she recorded. You got violated too, especially if they were made while we were alone in the Foundry." She shifted her body, so she could lean her back against the wall, stretching her legs out in front of her, she wanted to pull them up towards her chest and wrap her arm around them to comfort herself, but that was unfortunately not an option right now, it was a position Mila was currently preventing.

"Yes, it is. I should've known what she was doing. Particularly if they'd been made while we were in the Foundry and I had everything turned off. It would mean there was and probably still is surveillance equipment in the Bunker I don't know about. I'll take care of it and I won't let anything like that happen again. This is unacceptable." He sounded as angry and disturbed at the thought as she felt and very determined to get to the bottom of this issue. She was just about to say something to address the underlying guilt she could hear in his voice when she was prevented by another voice.

"Sara… are you okay?" Sin stuck her head in to the bathroom, checking up on her.

"Hey, hon, yeah, I'm okay. I just needed a moment." She threw the young woman what she hoped looked like a smile, even though it felt more like a grimace to her.

"I let you go now. I should be home in a couple of hours." He must have heard Sin and cut their phone call short because of her.

"Okay. And it wasn't your fault. Good, I miss you. I love you." She needed to make sure he knew that, knew that she wasn't blaming him. This was good. The sooner he got off the phone, the sooner he'd be home again, hopefully.

"I love you, too." The call disconnected right after. Maybe she shouldn't have told him. He hadn't known any of this. Hadn't been aware of just what exactly had happened while he had been recovering from the life-threatening wound Ra's had inflicted on him. No one had thought to fill him in, to let him know about this part. Sara was pretty sure she knew why. They knew he would've never stood for that, that he would've let them know just exactly what he thought of their actions. And how dangerous recordings of their conversations were.

Notes:

As always let me know what you think. I tried to figure out whether Oliver knew about the recordings but couldn't find anything so I went with what made most sense to me. Correct me if I got it wrong.

And yes, it was there even in the beginning of their trip, that tension is always there between the two of them, no matter the situation and it will always be there, the question simply is whether they chose to act on it or not. I feel every time they don't act on it it is a deliberate choice.

Chapter title is from the song "Red Flags" by Soldier Hard.

So here's my rant, not Felicity friendly:

Does anyone else call bullshit on the "Felicity was the first person Oliver saw as a person and not a threat?" Sure, sure, he saw Thea as a threat... wtf! C'mon Arrow seriously?

Okay, so is it just me or would the hospital scene make more sense if it were Laurel instead of Felicity?

"Then say never... stop dangling maybes... say you never loved me"

"Don't ask me to say that I don't love you."

It would make sense with Laurel, they were together, he cheated, the Gambit went down, came back, had sex, broke up, she wanted him back, he chose Sara, Sara left, they 'd go on a date. He pulls back again.

Makes no sense with Felicity, they were on their first fucking date. Sure, they've known each other for about two years but they've never done anything romantically before. Just saying. It's a little much given the situation.

Also the scene between Oliver and Felicity in the Foundry after Sara's death is disgusting. The way Felicity makes it about her and her and Oliver... one of his oldest friends, his former girlfriend was just murdered and she calls her "my friend, our friend" and then goes on to claim Oliver isn't feeling anything while he is obviously a hairs-breath away from falling apart just shows how self-involved she is. And he goes on talking about one day he is going to be the one dead on that table and instead of realizing the obvious emotional struggle and probable depression he has, she just pretty much tells him "you do that but I'm not going to be here with you" awesome friend. Kick him while he's down why don't you. And her solution is to go to Ray, because Oliver is struggling with Sara's death and not acting the way she wants him to. And she can be bought with a dress? Seriously? She throws her morals out for Haute couture?

It's also interesting how it is shown in almost every episode that Oliver knew Sara best. Laurel does stuff Sara would've never wanted her to do and he is right, she would've never forgiven him had he agreed to train Laurel.
Nyssa kidnaps Thea to get to Merlyn. Sara would've never stood for that. Just like he wanted Laurel to tell Quentin. I love how Oliver spends like the first half of the season just constantly going „Sara wouldn't have wanted this!" And everyone ignoring him, he was right each time though.

Felicity's backstory makes no sense given everything we've learnt about her in the first two seasons and the way she behaved. Also, so she was in college as a hacktivist two years before Oliver came home. Which means she's worked for QC less than two years by the time he came home and had the guts to talk to Walter the way she had in season one? Seriously? Oliver would've known all about her hacktivist activity because he would've looked into her and if she's as good as everyone claims all the big agencies would've had their eyes on her and with that files Oliver would've found.

Oliver's "I have to be alone" would've made more sense had Sara been killed while they were still together, possibly because of Slade. That way he would've felt responsible and that everyone he'd be with would get killed too. If Sara died because of him, no one else would have a chance to survive a relationship with him.

Also Oliver tells Felicity he loves her twice in nine episodes. A sentiment she never returns, she just bitches about him no having any feelings and stuff like that, really? Also she's the one who forced the no killing on him and then she holds it against him before he goes off to fight Ra's? Great timing making him doubt himself.

How did Felicity get a "I love you too" from Sara? Did she have her cell phone bugged? This is so very disturbing. Seriously. I can't even imagine how I would feel being this seriously violated in my privacy.

Not even starting with Laurel. Where did she get her outfit from that quickly? Love Roy, a lot! And Dig too, she should've listened to them. At least until they gave in to her demands sure have the special forces guy do tech support while the amateur's in the field... so moronic. And suddenly within a few hours Laurel's fighting skills improved exponentially so very realistic... now I remember why I usually don't watch Arrow past Season two.