Chapter 1: Pilot (yes, very original.)

Don't own Attack On Titan, only the OC, and just barely.

'Thought'

"Speech"

"In-world text, sounds, extremely loud voices."

I stare blankly into the surrounding void.

"…"

"Lemme guess, reincarnation?"

"Bullseye, kid!" A black-haired young boy wearing a suit and tie that are nearly the same color as the void around him says as he pops into existence.

"So you're God, then? Here to give me some overpowered ability that I can use in the world I'm going to?"

"Heh… yeah." He says as he crosses his legs and uses his hand to cup his chin. "You're totally the type to guess that. Lucky for you, you're right!" He points finger guns at me. "Pick whatever power you want!"

"Portals," I respond, almost immediately.

"Again?" The small god mutters to himself.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, just that the last guy I reincarnated also picked portals. Weird, right?"

"Yeah, it almost seems like this is a completely unoriginal story."

"Eh… anyways, I'll just be giving you the same stuff as the last guy. Maybe add something here and there. Plus the de-aged body thing." He says, uncaring.

"What do yo-"

"Buh Bye!"

I quickly shield my eyes from the very bright light of the sun, needing a while to get used to it after being in a pitch-black void.

"What the hell…" I mutter. My voice is noticeably lighter than I remember.

"…"

A letter falls on my head. I pick it up and open it.

Hey, god here. Just wanted to explain some stuff about your new body. First, your name is Evan Gale. Your body is 10 years old right now, and your birthday is May 6th.

Your current powers include:

1. The ability to create portals between two spaces, the amount, size, and distance all depend on your strength.

…

Yep, that's it. Not that powerful, but it's enough to stay alive. For now.

Now, here is an image of yourself.

*picture a black-haired child with sea-green eyes and pale skin wearing a plain black t-shirt and cargo pants with as many pockets as physically possible.*

Now, be interesting!

'What's with my pants?'

'Eh, I'll worry about that later. I wanna test my powers now.'

I hold my hand up, summoning a frisbee-sized disk in the air.

A misty black circle with a neon blue outline appears. It isn't connected to anything.

About a foot above it, another portal the same size as the previous one appears. The misty black turns into a window to the other side. I pick up a rock and throw it in the cycle.

*Fwub Fwub Fwub Fwub*

The rock continuously falls in an infinite loop until it hits terminal velocity.

'Good enough...'

I remove the top portal and create another one pointing toward the forest.

It flies forward. I smile slightly as I hear a few branches snap in its path.

I try to put my hands in my pockets, only to notice that there were multiple different pockets to choose from on each side. I look down and see eighteen different pockets on my pants.

I frown. 'Why are there so many pockets? Like… who would ever need this? Not a single ONE of them has anything in it. Stupid god…'

'Where even am I?'

I look around and see a very generic forest, like the type most people get reincarnated into. It's got everything you need in a spawn point. Grass, big trees, some rocks, a path-

My eyebrows raise. 'huh… how didn't I notice that before?'

'How convenient~' I start my walk along the path.

My eyes widen as I realize something. 'Wait, can't I just skip this whole walk and teleport to some city?'

I open a me-sized portal and walk through it.

The other end of the portal does not include a city.

Fatigue overcomes me as I put both my hands on my knees and hunch over, realizing that took a lot more energy than I thought it would. 'Well shit… worth a try I guess.'

The portal closes behind me. I look up to see the path and the forest are still there.

'Well, at least these aren't the same trees, which means I at least moved.' I continue forwards.

I pause as I notice something strange on the horizon.

A huge gray stone wall with thick columns spread across about every 20 meters spans the horizon.

"…"

"That is one giant fuggin wall."

'At least I know which universe I'm in now...'

I sigh. 'Attack on Titan… Well, that sucks. No magic, and no way to explain my portals to anyone.'

A penny-sized portal opens in front of my right eye. It connects to another portal at the top of the wall, allowing me to see through it. Once I see there isn't anyone or anything else up there, I look down towards the opposite side of the wall.

Titans roam around the fields of Paradis Island.

'Ugh… looks like I'll have to keep walking, then.' I open a small portal underneath me and fall through, landing on top of the wall.

'That's a lot more efficient than the full-size ones.' I realize.

I put my hands behind my head and grin. 'And it's just SOOOO natural…'

"Hup." I grunt as I jump off the side of the wall with my arms crossed over my chest like I was going on one of those extreme water slides. Once I gain enough momentum, I open a portal below me to somewhere in the sky and fall through it, coming out the other side horizontally.

"HAHAHAHAHAH! THIS IS GREAT!" I scream, having the time of my life.

Once I'm almost out of energy, I stop my pseudo-flight by angling myself up. When I slow down enough to not die, I open a portal to the top of the wall and land feet-first.

I punch the air and yell in relief, "WOOOOO! Yeah, baby! That's what I've been waiting for, that's what it's all about!" I turn around to face the titans. "WOOOOO!"

When I'm done cheering and start calming down, I look around and see an outcrop in the wall. My eyes widen. 'Civilization! Finally! My journey is COMPLETE!'

'Is this Shiganshina, or one of the other outcrop cities? Knowing God, he would probably place me near it just for me to interact with canon.'

After considering what other cities would be even remotely as interesting, I conclude; 'Yeah, totally Shiganshina.'

Suddenly, a me-sized portal opens on the ground behind me. I fall in.

I reappear on top of the outcrop wall.

"Damn…" I mutter. 'Nice view.'

'Unfortunately, I have no clue how much time until this place is destroyed. I think the year was like… 845? Yeah, that sounds right.'

"Muhahahaha!" I do my best evil laugh, realizing I can mess with canon before it even happens.

'Begone, angst! Begone, emotional trauma! I AM CANON NOW!' I think with resolve. 'Who likes angst, anyways? Nobody, that's who. Adventure time for me!'

With a grin, I make a portal directly below me and fall into an empty alleyway.

'How about a nice stroll through the city first? That'll be fun.' I start walking out of the alleyway into the street.

That train of thought crashed and burned when a knife was placed gently on the side of my neck.

"Drop everything ya got on the floor." Grunt #1 whispers in my ear. The other two walk forward to surround me.

I roll my eyes. 'already? I think it's a little early for this. What are the chances that, the moment I step foot into a city, the first time this has even a remote chance of happening, I get mugged?'

'Hey, wasn't this place empty? These idiots just said to themselves, "Oh, yeah, there's a random kid in an alley who just appeared out of absolutely nowhere. He must be packed with money."' I sigh. 'people these days.'

"Hey! Ya listenin'? We said drop ya stuff. You'll do it if ya know what's good for yaself." Grunt #2 threatened.

'I am soooo not in the mood for this…'

I wave my hand like I'm doing a Jedi mind trick and place an unconnected portal below each of the three grunts' right feet.

"Ugh… Yeah, sorry, I'll pass for now. Let's do this later, yeah?"

"Huh?" Grunt #3 steps forward. "Kid, if you thi-"

I snap my fingers and the portals connect.

"UWEH" all three grunts fall to the right and inadvertently kick themselves in the side of the head, followed shortly by their collective loss of consciousness.

'Ooh, they're pathetically incompetent too? Icing on the basic thug cake.' I mentally scoff

I strike a pose. "Haha, you fools! You have been bested by the hand of the one and only Evan Gale! Well, your feet, but I moved them with my portals and I pretend to use my hands to make them for dramatic effect so… uhh… technically true."

"…"

"THE BEST KIND OF TRUE!" I said, confidently.

I try to disconnect the portals, but they stop on their legs. Realizing I can't, I carefully move the portals off of their legs and then close them.

'Huh, so no dismemberment then. Good to know.'

I look up towards the street I was going to, only for my eyes to meet a stunned pedestrian.

"Oh." I blankly stare back, like a deer in headlights.

I snap out of it, and whisper to him through a small portal, "no one will believe you."

A larger portal opens beneath me. I fall onto the top of a random building nearby and I sit down.

'Alright, now to find something to do!'

I've been walking around the city for about an hour. The streets are nice, save for the many people getting mugged, and I, being the good samaritan I am, saved them.

And by saving them, of course I mean I knocked out all parties involved and confiscated all wallets before any violence had the chance to happen.

'Haha! I'm rich! …Or not. What's this currency worth, anyway? Eh, questions for later~'

'What's the deal with this city and muggings, anyways?' I ponder. 'This area is really shady. I'll try a different one.' I think as I walk through a discreet portal on a wall in an empty alleyway and go to the residential area of the town.

'Man, I hope nobody saw that. It'd be a real drag to explain it in a way that ensures I won't end up with my own religion.'

'Actually, that might be fun…'

'Eh, maybe later~'

'Yeah, already seeing 100% fewer muggings here.' I reflect, walking through the far, far safer residential area of the city.

I notice something. 'Actually, this kinda looks familiar.'

"…"

"Wait, isn't this where Eren lives?" I mutter.

A pair of sky blue eyes curiously stare at me from the window of the Jaeger household.

I look back.

'Could be fun to mess with canon…'

'Eh, not now. Maybe when I'm not homeless.' I look to the ground, a hand on my chin.

'Well, I don't care if Eren knows or not. He is the protagonist, and I kinda want to meet him sometime. Gotta tell him not to commit genocide. Plus, it's not like I'll be in the news just from one kid's words.' I look back at him and grin.

'Also, I want to see how he reacts.'

I clap and point both hands at the ground, and a portal opens. I fall through it, reappearing in an ol' reliable alleyway on the other side of town.

I open a minuscule portal above them to see through.

Eren's eyes widen. "UWA?!" He yells.

"Eee!" Armin squeaks and drops his book, surprised by the sudden loud noise.

Mikasa looks over with that ratty ass scarf of hers around her neck. "What?" She asks.

"T-The guy! He… u-uhh…" Eren stuttered.

"What guy? What did he do?" Armin demands as both he and Mikasa walk over to the window, only to see nothing.

"There's no guy there. What are you talking about?" Armin notices.

Eren is still in shock. "I-I don't know! He fell through the ground circle and vanished!"

"…"

"Are you alright, Eren?" Mikasa asks, concerned.

The tiny portal above them vanishes.

I sigh. 'Bored now…'

*buzzzzzz*

A gnat buzzes around my head, taunting me as I am still walking through the city trying to find something to do other than train with portals.

*buzzzzzz*

My eyelid twitches.

'Dear god… How long has this damn fly been here? An hour?! Five hours?! TEN MINUTES?!' I think. 'This thing inconveniences me more than getting mugged.'

'Wait, can't I just banish it to space or something with portals?'

I snap my fingers and a portal roughly the size of the fly opens.

*swoop*

The fly is sucked in, along with some of the surrounding air. My energy is completely spent after three seconds.

"Hope you enjoy your trip to the upper stratosphere…"

I sigh in relief and exhaustion. 'Finally, that monster is gone.' I think, relieved. 'If I'm only able to open a banishment portal that size, I need some work. I guess I can't just be lazy and not train.'

I tap my chin.

'Speaking of monsters, I kinda wanna see those titans again. Maybe kill one, too...'

My stomach growls at me. 'Ugh… I need some food...'

I blink several times, and my mouth forms a grin.

'And I am quite the expert at multitasking.'

*chomp*

"Y'know, some people say that stealing-"

*munch munch*

*gulp*

"-is wrong," I speak to the titans fifty feet below me at the base of the wall.

I take another bite of my potato.

"I don't know who those people are, but they must be either very dumb or very rich."

Some titans looked up at me in agreement.

"Like, what if someone hasn't eaten since his life on this earth began, and they were too socially inept to just go and buy some?" I asked, not expecting an answer.

I take the final bite of my potato.

'Hmm… still kinda hungry…'

I open a portal and pull a glistening crimson apple out of it.

*chomp*

'Hmm, this is one sweet, fresh, juicy, succulent apple. Totally would have gone to waste if I didn't take it.' I nodded.

"See? Stealing is great!" More titans look up in agreement.

"Carla, honey, did you eat my potato while I wasn't looking?" Grisha Jeager asked his wife.

"What?" Carla said, incredulous.

"My potato. Did you eat it?"

"No…? Why would I…" Carla sighs. "Ask Eren or Mikasa. It must have been one of them."

Grisha facepalms. "First, my son is hallucinating, and now, he might be stealing my food. I really must know what's going on with him today."

Levi grabs an apple with his gloved hand to feed his horse, Hol.

Hol was named after his immense appetite. The sheer amount of food he takes in per meal is comparable to the storage capacity of a large crater.

Levi closes his eyes and sighs. Even as humanity's strongest warrior, he still had to feed his horse.

What Levi didn't notice was that just before Hol bit the apple, a small portal appeared within the horse's mouth. An arm reached out, grabbed the apple, and swiped it from Levi's hand. the portal closed right when Hol closed his mouth.

'One bite. He didn't even chew. This guy is insane.' Levi thought, oblivious to the theft.

I take another bite of my apple. 'Yeah, I'll probably be doing this a lot. Not like it has any consequences. It won't affect the plot in any way, either. Not that I care about that, anyways.' I conclude, sitting atop my throne of hardened titan epidermis.

'Totally didn't jinx it there…'

I lay down after finishing my apple.

'Maybe I can try cooking eventually?' I ponder.

'Eh, thoughts for later~'

'Right now, it's nap time.'

I briefly fall asleep on top of the wall.

I stare with raised eyebrows at the charred three-inch wide and six-inch deep crater on the surface of the wall, two inches from having amputated my foot.

I start laughing maniacally.

The world pauses, and I walk in from stage left in narrator mode.

"If you're wondering how this hole in front of me got here, let me tell you a story." I pull up a fold-up chair from stage right and sit down.

"It all started with me questioning some of the mechanics of portals, which resulted in me performing various experiments. These experiments include: what would happen if I sealed two ends of an object together in a portal? Would a titan die if it fell from three hundred feet in the sky? What would happen if I put two portals together?

For the first one, refer to Matpat's Game Theory video on Portal.

For the second one, it lived. I guess it was in really bad shape (legs and half of the torso completely crushed) afterward, but it didn't die, so I guess that sucks. Titans are more OP than I remember.

The third one, though…"

I summon two portals, six inches in diameter, on top of each other. I pinch my fingers as they get closer and closer together. The second they touch, they condense to half the size as a turquoise sphere and shoot a DAMN LASER at the ground in the direction I made the second portal. All of my energy instantly vanishes.

I exit the stage, and the world starts moving again.

My maniacal laugh ends. I slouch and start panting.

"Sheeeesh… I thought that banishment thing was draining… this thing took the same amount in a fraction of a second than banishment did in two… yeah, I gotta train."

'On the other hand, I have GOD DAMN LASERS now. Like, tell me that isn't cool as shit.' I lay down.

'Hehe, when I finally reveal myself to the world, Imma be such a badass…' I fantasize.

I snap my fingers the moment I have enough energy to banish another gnat.

*swoop*

'Purging the world of annoyance, one fly at a time. Truly, a heroic endeavor.' I think to myself, lounging on my special spot on the wall.

I look at the setting sun. It's almost night, and I need something to sleep on. The nap earlier wasn't comfy enough.

'Hmm…' I tap my chin as a bright idea comes to mind.

I open a portal to some random house, permanently borrow a pillow and blanket, and decide not to sleep on the top of the wall. I want an authentic homeless guy experience. I teleport to Some Random Alley™ and settle down.

'Now I'm sleeping outside in a blanket like a fuggin hobo-'

'We all gotta start somewhere, yeah?'

I close my eyes and enter a peaceful slumber.

*poke*

"Hmm… five more minutes…"

*poke*

I open my eyes to see three children, all of which are ten years old, staring at me.

"Mmmwhat?" I groan, still in the process of waking up.

"Tell my friends you're real, hole guy." The brown-haired boy asks.

Mikasa and Armin are standing behind Eren on both sides, arms crossed.

I roll my eyes. 'Ugh, children. I didn't account for this. I should have slept on the wall.'

"Mmmmmno."

I open a portal on the ground I was laying down on and fall through it to the sky, taking my blanket and pillow with me, leaving the children behind.

I lazily cross my arms and put a finger on my chin. 'The main cast looks about ten years old, so that means Shiganshina could be destroyed at any moment now… maybe.' I think, casually skydiving at 3000 feet in the air.

I fall into another portal and come out the other end going directly up. At the vertex of my arc, I open a portal to my little spot at the top of the wall and skid to a stop with a perfect landing. I put my pillow and blanket there and fall forward onto them

'I shall now continue my peaceful slumber.' I close my eyes.

"…"

'Damn it, why is it so hard to fall asleep in the morning?' I sigh. 'Even in this life, a good night's rest eludes me. Welp, thinking time.' I turn over on my makeshift futon.

'Should I save the city?' I consider. 'I should get strong enough to do that either way, just… do I want to mess up my future knowledge that badly already?'

'Eh, canon's angsty and edgy. To hell with that!' I reason.

'I've gotta train my portals if I want to stop Bertholdt's kick. I can't open that big of a portal yet.'

'Well, I know what drains the most energy, and I'm pretty sure my portals work like a muscle, so I know what I'll be doing for the next month or so…'

'Or should I stop it before it happens? I kinda want to talk to those Marley kids… I pity them. Maybe I should offer them a peaceful life or something in return for not killing people? Yeah, I'll do that later.'

'Now that I think of it, I'm already a bit stronger than when I started…'

I open two small portals next to a faraway gnat in the city to disintegrate it on the atomic level with a laser that shoots directly down, going through the floor, and all of my energy vanishes. The laser stayed firing for about half a second this time. 'Guess it takes less energy if it's smaller…'

'I wonder what I should do in the time it takes to recharge?'

I roll my eyes. 'Insert obligatory training montage…'

'I have been waiting and training for two months now, and I have grown MIGHTY! And by that, I mean firing lasers every fifty minutes now instead of an hour.' I lay on my futon, having kept it for the two months of training.

'One time I even destroyed two gnats with the same laser. Can you believe that? What a miracle.'

I get under my blanket, lay on my pillow, still in my special spot on the wall, and close my eyes, ready for sleep.

A letter falls on my head.

'Ow…'

I begrudgingly open it.

Dear Evan,

HEYO! It's me again! Good job on surviving! As a reward, I shall grant you the knowledge of your next power!

Basically, you have a pocket dimension. It's small now, but it may expand to the size of a planet eventually.

You can enter and exit freely because when you try to leave again, the portal will appear in the same place as where you originally opened it. However, for more energy, you may move the opening point.

Y'know, it's pretty impressive. You already figured out the lasers, and i planned to give you a tip on those much later.

As I said, good job surviving 2 months, here's to 10 more!

With care,

God

I shrug and open a palm-sized portal to look through.

"Oooh, pretty!"

I see a cubic area with neon corners and void-like walls. I can't yet tell what the size is.

"I have a home now!" I widen the portal and jump in headfirst, carrying my blanket and pillow in with me.

*bonk*

I hit my head on the wall before going all the way through.

'OW! WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS BARELY ENOUGH ROOM FOR A DAMN DESK!'

I begrudgingly sit down on the floor, which is also very cramped.

'Ugh, I'm calling this 'the mini-void'

'Now imma get back to acting like a mischievous little god.'

'hell, this probably isn't the last upgrade I get, so who knows the full potential of what I can do?'

'I wonder if I can just stay here forever and never see a gnat again…'

'Nah, too boring.'

'I'd better keep a watch outside, too. Even if I might be strong enough to stop Bertolt now, and that's a hard maybe, I can't do that if I don't know it's happening.' I sit down.

'Hell, I might even try and convince Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie that war and racism are bad, so don't do it. Really, what is up with Marley? Sending kids to invade a country is a terrible strategy.'

'Yeah, this is a total murderworld. I definitely want to fix that. Maybe I'll just Jeremiah Cross the whole thing and tell the world "Racism cringe." Yeah… good long-term idea for when I can do that.'

'Now that I think about it, both One Piece and Attack on Titan have really bad racism problems…'

I'm currently leaning on the tree from the beginning of the show. It's very comfy, and the view of the surrounding nature is exquisite. I even put some effort into enhancing it.

"Hm? What did I do to enhance it, you ask? Well…"

Carved into the tree behind me, there is a hyper-realistic picture of a shirtless Arnold Schwarzenegger running from an explosion with the caption "get in da Choppa!"

"…"

"Hey, look, I know this could probably go on a certain mildly creepy subreddit, but I assure you, I'm just ahead of my time." I justify.

'Y'know what, I feel like checking on Eren. I might just go talk to him.'

'I'm also kinda confused on the timeline… Is Grisha even gone yet? Has Eren received the founding and attack titans? Wait… since I'm going to interfere in future events, what happens to the personalities of the future people?' I wonder.

'Well I can always just ask~.' I open a portal in front of my eye to Eren's room.

I see him laying down on a straw mattress, staring at the ceiling. Mikasa is obsessively staring at him from a chair. 'Man he's ten… he's going places if he's got someone that obsessed with him already. Also, Armin isn't here. I guess he's busy reading some book or something.'

I silently fall through the floor of my home onto the platform in front of the window.

Eren is still looking at the ceiling, and Mikasa is still staring at him.

"Hey." I try to get their attention.

Their heads snap over to me so quickly that they might have snapped off if it weren't for cartoon logic.

They both simultaneously say, "Hole guy-"

"No, that's not my name." I quickly interrupt.

Both look confused and curious. So naturally, they start asking stupid questions like the annoying children they are.

"Why did you disappear for two months?" Eren turns over on his bed, looking at me.

"Why are you here?" Mikasa asks, alerted.

"How do you make those ho-" Eren started.

I furrow my eyebrows and frown at these disrespectful brats, deciding to interrupt them. "My name is Evan, thanks for asking." I silently curse my lack of insight about how obnoxious children can be.

"But-" Eren wasn't deterred, but I interrupt him again.

"Woah, Woah. I came because I have a question for you. Plus, I'm the one with the ability to leave at any time, so do you want to annoy me?" I simultaneously calm and threaten the children. I roll my eyes and look at Eren. "So, Where is your dad?"

Eren now looks even more confused, but to his credit, he answers anyways. "He's on a business trip. He'll probably be back tomorrow."

I smile, now having a good idea of when canon starts. "Alright, that's all I wanted to know. For your previous questions, I'm here because I'm bored. This-" I open a portal in front of Eren's nose and boop him. "-is a portal. Not a hole. Don't call it that. It's uncivilized. Finally, I haven't been gone, you just haven't seen me."

They stay silent for a couple of seconds, processing the information, then Eren talks. "My name is Eren. Will you join the scouts, too?" He asks, eagerness in his voice.

"Pffhahaha…" I chuckle. "You don't know me, kid. I don't plan at all. I do things on impulse. I'll go if I want." I explain.

'Y'know what, I may join those scouts. Could be fun.' I ponder.

He looks at me with a look of pure confusion. "Why?" he pauses. "Also, why did you want to know where my dad was? Do you know him?" Eren looks even more confused now.

I chuckle. "Just getting a grip on the timeline."

Eren's confusion seems to be ever-increasing. "Wha-"

I interrupt him yet again. "Mikasa, do you have any questions? You've been completely silent the whole time. Well, not that I'm complaining. You're way less annoying than Eren."

"How do you know my name?" She asks, alarmed.

I smile mischievously. "I know many things," I answer. "Anything else?"

She stares at me, as if looking into my very soul to find the most annoying question to ask."Where do your powers come from?"

I roll my eyes. 'Man, why that one? I just wanna desensitize them to my ultimate power, not describe how I got it to them. Is that so bad?'

"Heh, not today. That would be a bother to explain and would probably shatter your worldview more than it already has been. Anyways, is that all?" I try to wrap up.

"No, one more thing." Eren accepts that he won't get an answer to his previous questions. He points at my pants. "Why do your pants have so many pockets?"

I close my eyes. "Sometimes, there are questions that nobody but god himself can answer."

"You're religious?" Mikasa asks.

I chuckle. "Hell no."

I open a small portal next to the window and jump through it to the mini-void. My head doesn't hit the wall again, thankfully. The mini-void has expanded by a bit since I got it.

'So what do I do for the three days before the canonical wall murder?' I lay down, hands behind my head on my blanket.

'I need a mattress.' I scowl. 'Wait… a certain family/household just had a pillow and blanket disappear about two months ago, so why not a mattress too?' I plot yet another heist.

"What the hell, Marco? First my pillow and blanket, now my whole damn mattress? What will you steal next, my bed frame?" A teenage girl yells at her brother.

'Oh yeah, good idea.' I think, watching the chaos unfold from the safety of the mini-void.

A large portal opens underneath the bedframe, the item falling in. Marco is now looking at the portal in shock.

I pop my head out, give the guy a thumbs up (for good luck, not to mock him, of course. I would never do such a thing), and quickly retreat.

He points to where his sister used to sleep with a shaky finger.

The girl looks back.

"…"

"HAAAAAAAH?" She screams.

I congratulate myself. "Now I have a home and a bed! Look at me! Jeff Bezos, keep wallowing in despair with your measly mansion(s)! I'm living life like the .0001%!" I smirk. "And I haven't spent a dime! Or whatever the hell this is." I flip one of the many coins I have collected from my… benevolent actions.

"Oh yeah, and I should probably get a new set of clothes." I impassively remark.

I yawn. 'Tired now…' I jump into the bed.

As I'm in the air, I think, 'Wait, that kinda looked like Marco Bodt-' I pass out the moment I hit the mattress.

I yawn, sitting up on my bed with a smile, feeling as if no time whatsoever has passed. 'Best sleep I've gotten in a while… Why was Marco in Shiganshina, anyway?' I ponder. 'Eh, I don't care, it's probably god just messing around.' I dismiss the idea.

"So, what's going on in the world today?" I open various portals to look through.

'This guy here's getting mugged…'

'This one, too…'

'One mug, two mugs, tea mug, group mug.'

'Heh…'

I knock all of them out and take their money.

'Oh, is that Grisha and Eren?'

Grisha is creepily holding an injection vial that probably contains titan serum over Eren, who is trying to resist. 'So that still happens…'

'Hmmm, so he's got Titan powers now… neat. Better start trying to find those Marley kids, then.'

I open a portal to somewhere outside of Wall Maria and fall into it. I see some Titans in the distance and the wall far behind me. 'I really hope those genocidal brats aren't too far away…' I start walking and singing a song from my past life.

When one small Titan is getting a bit too close for comfort, a thought occurs. 'I haven't actually killed a Titan yet. I haven't fought ANYTHING in this world yet, and I've been here for two months… That's probably some sort of record or something among Isekai protagonists.' I smirk and narrow my eyes at the four-meter Titan in front of me, determined. 'If it isn't, that's too bad. I'm ending my streak here.'

'Well I did get mugged that one time…'

The titan leaps towards me, opening its mouth.

I point a finger gun directly at its neck, and two portals an entire FOOT in diameter appear in front of me.

"BLAMMO!" I yell with my best attempt at a 1920s radio voice.

The portals connect and a three-inch wide, blinding laser goes all the way through the titan and leaves a HUGE hole roughly as wide as the portals used to make it. I put my hands on my knees and start panting in exaustion.

'Okay, I wasn't expecting that to work that well. I guess lasers have extra damage for titans? Maybe they improve exponentially for the amount of energy I use? And apparently, they don't get bigger the more powerful they are, only brighter. Note to self: that was overkill, use less power next time.'

A red-rimmed portal that I did not open appears next to the dead Titan. The ashes from its carcass gently flow into it, and when there is absolutely nothing left, the portal closes.

'Huh… so now I can make stuff out of that? Okay, this is just a shameless copy of Portals and Pizzazz. So I guess I am potentially omnipotent, then.' I grin. 'Now I can make literally anything if I kill enough titans. That also means abilities from other shows, or even conceptual things like years of life. I cannot overstate how busted this ability is. Even from that four-meter one, I think I can already make a change of clothes to get out of this… eccentric… pair of pants.'

I do my best impression of Jotaro's pose and point forward.

I take a large breath.

"PANTS!" I yell.

A red portal the size of a basketball opens just ahead of where I'm pointing, and through it flies a pair of dark grey pants that everyone in the city of Shiganshina wore. 'Yeah, that'll work.' I change into the new, clean pants and continue slowly walking around.

A minute or two later, I suddenly stop walking and realize that, since I've started this voyage to look for the Marley kids, I've been as stupid as McArthur Wheeler. 'All this time, I've been strolling at a speed of 3kph when I COULD have been looking for the brats from the safety of the mini-void. I could even make the viewing portal in the sky, voiding any chance of being swarmed by titans, and expanding my field of view by many times.'

"Why has my supreme intellect failed me now?" I say with overzealous satire.

I fall forward onto the soft grass on the ground and just lay there for a second, reflecting on all my life choices. After cursing my stupidity an adequate amount, I open a portal below me that leads to my bed, fall in, and roll over so I'm facing upwards.

"Time to find those damn brats." I open a portal in front of my face to look through at 400 feet in the air, so I'm well above what any titan ever can reach. I poke my head into it. 'Hehe… It feels weird when gravity pulls your head in two different directions.' I point out. 'And fun~'

I start moving the portal in a random direction, looking for the Marley Squad to persuade them to maybe not obey their oppressors after they've been sent away from their control, and also not try and kill people.

'Hey, now that I think of it, isn't the mini-void a lot bigger than it was a day ago? It's like… the size of an attic now.' I wonder.

'Must've been the absorption of the titan's ashes.' I am reminded of my new pants. 'These things are just so comfortable. I am SO glad I killed that guy. I should do that more.'

'That sounds really bad out of context.'

I see a few roaming titans and decide to nickname them. 'Beardie, Sideburns, Sleepwalk, Football Eyes, Trollface, and Fred. Yep, perfect fits. Wait… these all look kinda familiar.' I realize. 'Most of these guys were in the show! Neat.'

'I've been looking around from the sky for FIVE HOURS now, and I am so bored I could shoot an arrow at my own knee just for some modicum of entertainment. "Ughhh… where the hell are these kids?" I speak to myself when, at the edge of my vision, I see tents.

I raise my eyebrows. "Oh." I close the portal and re-open it straight above their camp. 'So that's where they are… It's currently midnight, so they should be asleep with one maybe on guard duty.' I infer.

My portal descends to about ten meters above the camp to get a better view and see that Bertolt is walking in slow circles around the camp. There aren't any titans around. 'Wait, don't titans need sunlight to function? Why is there a guard, then?' I rethink my earlier statement.

'Why would they need to have a nightguard if titans aren't active at night?' I ponder. 'Well, it just makes it easier for me… Bert is the most reasonable one here, and he can't just turn into a titan because then he'll crush Reiner and Annie.'

I make a portal behind Bertolt, roll off the side of my bed, fall through it, catch myself, and start walking towards him. 'Showtime.' I think, confidently.

Bertolt was too anxious to sleep. He thinks about the things that have happened to him while drearily walking around the camp he was supposed to be sleeping in. 'I'm so tired of this. First, Marcel dies, then everyone but me is acting hysterical and violent, then the team is falling apart, then Reiner tries to take control, then…' he sighs. 'Why do we even want to go home, anyways? Our lives there were terrible. They're too far away to have control over us. We could probably live a normal life here…'

A portal opens behind him, and some random-ass 10-year-old walks through. It closes behind him. Bertolt keeps wallowing in despair as said child sneaks up behind him and whispers in his ear, "don't freak out."

"EEP" Bertolt squeals and jumps away from me, much like Armin did two months earlier when he was caught off guard by Eren. "W-who are you?" He asks, suddenly on guard. He pulls a knife out.

"Ugh, didn't I just say not to freak out?" The child says, annoyed and completely unfazed by the weapon. "I'm Evan, and I'm here to improve my chances of not having to do much work in the future." He deadpans.

Bert's still in shock. "What do you want? How did you sneak upon us? A-are you from the walls?"

Evan keeps his deadpan look.

"What do you think?"

Bertolt lowers his guard a bit, seeing that the person beside him doesn't have a weapon. "Umm…" he looks to the ground in thought. "I honestly have no idea. You aren't from Marley, since your outfit doesn't look like one from there, and you probably aren't from the walls because… well, you're here." He took the question literally.

Evan smirks. "Hmm, no. I'm technically from the walls, but I know far more than others there. Now that you've calmed down though, let me extend an offer." Evan doesn't let Bertolt speak before he continues. "So you're on a mission from a country that oppressed you and fed you propaganda against your own people your whole life, and your objective in said mission is to steal titans and bring them back to the said country that oppressed you… for what exactly?" I start.

Bertolt sheaths his knife and sits down, looking conflicted, and concluding that I'm not going to attack him. "For my friends." He sighs.

Evan's smirk turns to a grin. "I'm extending this offer to them too, Y'know."

"What are you even offering?" Bertolt asks, still skeptical.

"Oh, lots of things. Freedom, a normal life, the works. All for the low, low price of not killing or kidnapping anyone."

The colossal titan shifter sways around in his seat and puts his head on his fist. "How could you possibly go about doing that? And Reiner probably won't accept that kind of offer anyways. He's unmovably stubborn that we get the Founding Titan and get back home."

Evan sits down across from Bertolt. "With time, I may be able to bring the good parts of home to you. Your friends and family, if you want. As for how I'll do this, well, for now, that's a surprise. To get you living normal lives is simple, though. I doubt many people will notice three more kids suddenly appearing out of nowhere."

"Consider that new, normal life. Now, consider the alternative. You approach Shiganshina and try to break in. I prevent this because, of course, I won't let you touch it. I like the people there. What would you do then, after you fail? Tell your friends about the offer. I'll come back in the morning to get an answer."

Evan opens a portal behind himself and falls backward through it. Bertolt's eyes widen and his jaw drops.

'Heh… shattering people's worldviews is pretty fun.' I think to myself as I close the portal I just fell through, now laying on my bed.

I yawn and realize that I am cripplingly tired. Extended periods of boredom seem to do that to people.

'Time for sleep.' I close my eyes and pass out.

I awaken in an infinite void, facing god.

"…"

"Why am I h-" I start.

God interrupts me. "Good job, kid."

I'm very confused. "And…?"

"That's all. You've been doing good, entertaining work, and I have come to congratulate you and encourage you to continue your path." God states.

"What, did the author just want to put something completely irrelava-"

I am yet again interrupted. "Bye now! Better get going to hear your answer!" He waves.

I wake up on my bed, feeling very well rested. 'Well, that was hella weird. Also a very fast few hours. I guess I better go check on the brats.'

I open a portal in front of my head to look at the camp from above. I see Bertolt twiddling his fingers in the background while Reiner and Annie argue.

Annie seems to be winning. "We ARE going to accept this, Reiner! Your incessant whining about going home is foolish! Right now, this is our best bet. We can go home LATER!"

Reiner retaliates. "We don't even know if Bert's telling the truth! I mean, a hole in the world suddenly opening up? That's fantasy. He was probably hallucinating!"

She considers his argument. "…Maybe, but I can tell when people are lying, and Bert isn't. If this guy is real and is actually capable of what Bert said he was, then we have no other choice."

I choose that time to move my portal directly behind Reiner. Annie and Bert rapidly turn their heads to look at me, the former looking mildly shocked and the ladder looking relieved. Reiner stares at his two allies, confused.

"What are you looking at?" He turns around and sees my face.

"Huh, so he is real." Reiner accepts my existence very quickly.

I greet them with a smile and look at Bertolt. "Hey Bert! Haven't seen you in.. uh… a few hours."

I lose my smile and narrow my eyes. "So, what's your answer? Do you want to live normal lives in the walls, or not?"

Annie immediately yells. "YES."

Bertolt stutters. "Y-yes."

Reiner looks conflicted. "I-" he sighs. "Yes."

I smile, my mission having been successful. "Good. Now let's get you all fixed up, yeah?" I simultaneously open a portal below me to fall through to the field behind Shiganshina and a large portal in front of them to the same location.

They remain still, not knowing what to do.

I sigh. "Walk in." They comply. Seeing that they're in a completely different environment seems to disorient them a little.

While Bertolt and Reiner are looking around the area, Annie turns towards me.

"Where are we?" She asks.

"You are behind Shiganshina, an outcrop city in the outermost wall. I expect that you don't kill anyone during your stay." I demand.

Bert seems to notice something. "What's that?"

I follow his line of sight. 'Oh yeah, that.' A drop of sweat falls down my forehead.

My carving of a shirtless Arnold Schwarzenegger remains on the tree, silently mocking me.

"Umm, ignore that," I say, awkwardly.

They all turn their heads back and forth between the carving and me.

"Did you-" Reiner starts.

"NOPE! Totally not. Let's go to the city, yeah?"

We start our short walk to the city gates.

While we walk, I decide to give them some vital information. "Now, most of these guys don't know about my portals, so keep quiet about that if you want to be viewed as sane. Also, there is a hell of a lot of muggings in the city. Feel free to beat up the people who try to mug you- it's pretty much inevitable- Also, do not, under any circumstances, ever, use your titan form. If you do…" I fire a laser at a small tree. The laser goes all the way through and leaves a four-inch-wide hole.

I blow the top of my finger to mimic a gun.

"You'll end up like that tree. Keep in mind that these lasers are even more effective against titans."

They nod their heads, now successfully desensitized to my ultimate power.

I stop walking when I arrive at the gate, the Marley trio following shortly behind.

'Y'know, they probably need some money to start their lives here.' I turn around.

"Hey, I just realized something. You probably need money to get by in here." I pause and realize they'll steal lots of stuff anyways. "Eh, well I have something that nobody else will ever have for you."

They look at me with curiosity and anticipation.

"Free money." I snicker.

I open a portal to the mini-void and take out about half of the many, many wallets I have stol- I mean, legally acquired by rescuing people in Shiganshina. A pile of wallets forms in front of me.

"Split them evenly or have an assigned financial officer. I don't care. Also, don't ask me to define the currency system, because I have no idea how to." I open a portal to the top of the wall to my left and walk into it.

I look back as the portal is closing. "Remember, I'll be watching you!" It closes.

I sigh in relief. 'Genocide and trauma averted.'

'Well, at least the first one.'

'I certainly have lots to do, don't I?'

AUTHOR'S NOTE

Well, that was fun, huh? While I may be a bit inexperienced, I'm still quite proud of this. Hell, It's probably already better than at least half the stuff on Wattpad. Jokes aside, though, I really did enjoy writing this first chapter.

I can't rightfully post this without shouting out Flameclawsxx. He wrote 'Portals And Pizzazz,' an amazing fic that inspired this one right here. If you're reading this and like it, but haven't read his fic, by all means, get outta here and go do it.

Another shout out to The Stupendium for making amazing music. Far more lyrically creative and funny than I could ever hope to be. He's pretty much all I've been listening to for the last couple months. All gamers and other assorted people with good music taste, give a listen to this guy.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Incompetent Teenager, Orca12.