AN: Future-take part 2 of 3. Final part coming later tonight

Deceit and Destiny Future-take Part 2

Connor

Grandpa Billy must have been waiting for my call since he answered after one ring. "Hi, Grandpa, how are you? Thanks for coming to the game today," I began.

"I'm good, thanks, Connor. Wouldn't have missed it. You played a great game, as always."

I decided I might as well rip off the band-aid and get right to the subject.

"Erm . . . is Jake there? I'd like to speak to him."

I could hear Billy's disapproval as I called my father by his given name; it was in the way he sighed. After a moment's silence, a voice I hadn't heard for a long time spoke.

"Connor? Hello, it's your . . . um, thanks for getting back to me."

I cleared my throat. "Hi, um . . . Jake." I couldn't bring myself to call him Dad or anything close to it. There was only one man worthy of that name. Without preamble, I said, "My dad told me you wanted to meet up, and I was thinking the park where we used to go when I was a kid would be a good place."

Jake didn't remark on my choice of name, either, or the place I suggested. "That sounds good. What time would suit you?"

"Well, I have a few hours free now, so how about we meet in around thirty-minutes?"

"Okay, I'll see you there."

I wasn't sure what else to say, but he finished.

"And, Connor, thanks for agreeing to talk to me."

After ending the call, I blew out a lungful of air, feeling as if I'd been holding it in through the whole time I talked to Jake. Pocketing my phone, I ran my hands through my hair, looking up to find Dad watching me.

"All set?" he asked.

I lifted my chin in acknowledgment. "Yeah, the park in thirty," I repeated what I'd told Jake.

"And you still want to do it alone?"

"Yep, I need to do this for myself and by myself, Dad."

He nodded as if he hadn't expected anything else. "We'll see you back here later then." He raised his eyebrows, grinning at me. "After we've done all the work for tonight."

His remark broke the slight tension inside me, and I grinned back, shrugging, then headed back inside. Hannah hopped down from the barstool and slipped her arms around my waist.

"So, are you heading out now?" she asked.

"Yeah, but I should only be gone for a couple of hours. Do you want me to drop you at home?"

"You can hang out with me and help if you want," Mom chimed in. "You know you're always welcome even without Connor."

"That would be great, Bella, thanks," she answered Mom.

I kissed her forehead, then disengaged myself from her arms. "Okay. I'm going to shower before I leave. Be back in a few."

Taking the stairs three at a time, I headed for my room, throwing my T-shirt into the hamper before stepping into the ensuite. After showering quickly, I brushed my teeth and hair and inspected my face, deciding to leave shaving for the day.

Grabbing a clean shirt from the drawer, I sprayed on deodorant, then slipped it on and buttoned it up, rolling up the sleeves. I put on socks and my chucks. After a quick perusal in the mirror, I made my way back downstairs in less than fifteen minutes.

Hannah was standing at the counter chopping salad vegetables while Mom mixed the marinade for the meat. Dad had come in from outside and was leaning against the counter with a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Okay, I'm off now," I said, walking across to Mom and slipping my arms around her shoulders. "I should be back in a couple of hours."

Mom turned and kissed me on the cheek, then she, Dad, and Hannah each hugged me before I headed out the front door to the Volvo.

As I pulled out of the drive onto the main road in the direction of the park, my mind was blank. At that moment, I couldn't think of a single thing I wanted to ask of or hear from Jake. With the park only a fifteen minute drive away, I arrived too soon to be able to organize my thoughts, deciding to let the chips fall where they may.

Stopping the car in the parking lot, I switched off the engine, and allowed my eyes to rove across the space. Gradually, my mind settled, and the only real burning question became clear.

Why didn't he love me enough?

The car engine ticked over as it cooled, the only sound inside the car. I looked out through the windshield, seeing a lone figure seated on a bench opposite the play space. Despite the years that separated us, I recognized him—my father.

When I opened the car door, he lifted his hand and our eyes met. I stood and returned the gesture, then closed the door, locking it and heading slowly in his direction. As I drew closer, he stood, slipping his hands in his pockets, waiting for me to reach him.

Slightly nervous, and not knowing what to expect, my heartbeat sped up, although I tried to school my face into a sense of calm. I could feel the palms of my hands sweating and mirrored Jake, slipping them into my pockets.

As we finally stood face-to-face, my eyes searched his features, finding the similarities between us. I was a paler version of him, lighter skin, hair, and eyes, but he was a lot thinner than I expected. I had the sense he hadn't been well.

"Shall we take a seat?" Jake was the first to speak.

I nodded, and we sat, one of us at each end of the bench, silence falling between us.

"That was a great game you played today," Jake began. "Dad told me you're going to college on a scholarship in the fall."

"Umm . . . yeah. I played football and basketball too, but baseball is the game I love, so . . . yep."

"He's really proud of you, you know? Never stops talking about how smart you are." Jake let out a short laugh. "I used to wish he was proud of me, but I guess I always disappointed him."

There was nothing I could say to that because I was disappointed with him too. I let the silence between us grow again. I checked my watch, seeing that I'd already been gone for forty-five minutes. It was time to ask the hard questions—the ones I knew I needed answers to.

Clearing my throat, I asked, "Why?" When Jake looked confused, I clarified. "Why are you here now?"

"Why am I here now?"

"Among other questions? Yeah, why are you here now? What do you want?"

Jake stopped and looked out over the park before speaking. "I . . . I wanted to see you, and to explain some things. And, of course, to apologize—to say I'm sorry."

I waited for him to continue, watching emotions cross his face before he squared his shoulders and spoke. "I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, although I've been clean for a few years now. Coming here is . . . necessary. The simple answer is I need, and want, to make amends—to say I'm sorry to both you and your mom. I don't expect you to take me at my word, nor is it your duty to absolve me. I'm just trying to be truthful."

I took a breath, then blew it out. "Okay, I understand that relationships don't always work, but you checked out long before you and Mom went your separate ways. Then you completely disappeared from my life for more than ten years. Why didn't you love me enough? Enough to call and ask how I was doing at school? To ask how I was feeling? Did it ever cross your mind that I might miss you?"

Jake stared at me, clearly shocked that I still cared. When the intensity became too much, I looked away, swallowing hard. I hadn't thought about whether that question would bother me, and I was pissed at myself for feeling upset. I closed my eyes for a second, then warmth filled me as I remembered Dad telling me he loved me. He'd been there for me every moment since Jake had left. Grounded, I turned back to him, waiting for his answer.

"You know I'm . . . gay, don't you?"

I scowled at him, thinking that had absolutely no bearing on anything.

He held up his hands and hastily added, "That's not an excuse. I just want to give you some reasons for my actions."

"I'm listening." I channeled Dad, remaining calm as I waited for his explanation.

"For a long time, I hated myself," he continued. "As a member of the Quileute tribe, being homosexual was dishonorable; something to be ashamed of, and I tried to hide from it as well as from anyone who would disapprove. Marrying your mom was part of that desire to stay hidden, and I went through with it even though I knew it wouldn't work. Then when it didn't, I treated your mom atrociously—as if it were all her fault. The truth of it was, her getting pregnant at seventeen was an accident; I blamed everyone and anyone, except myself."

"You and Mom were in a relationship, weren't you? You both had me, and none of that was my fault, was it? No one forced you to get married?"

Jake didn't answer, and I had the feeling there was something he wasn't telling me. He stood and paced back and forth for a moment before blowing out a deep breath, then sitting again.

"Not exactly," he said. "It was just made clear to me that I had to step up and do the right thing, and I didn't feel as if I had a choice. My only thought was of myself and how I was trapped in a life I never wanted. I treated you as if you were to blame. I ignored you—my own son."

I was about to break the silence that had fallen again when he continued.

"Do you remember the day I left? The day I was arrested at the house—after the fight with your mom?"

I nodded, that day fixed in my brain.

"I was out of my mind, I think. I'd never raised a hand to your mom, and I shouldn't have hurt her the way I did then."

"Then why did you do it, Jake," I said quietly. I didn't miss the slight flinch at my use of his name.

He sighed. "When you found that pregnancy test, I realized immediately it couldn't be my baby. Your mom had already told me she wanted a divorce, and both of those things meant my life was changing, and I was terrified. I lashed out. It was unforgivable, and neither you nor your mom deserved it. I'm sorry for my part in that."

Together, we gazed out over the field, watching a guy playing catch with a boy around five or six. It reminded me of the day Dad and I had first played catch, and I wondered if Jake could see it, too. Was he sorry for what he'd missed out on?

"So, where have you been for the last ten years? What were you doing that was so important that you forgot about me?" I could hear the bitterness in my tone, but decided he needed to hear it.

He winced. "I deserve that." He rubbed his hand over his face, then continued. "Well, after I left here with . . . with Embry, I did a lot of stupid—and horrible—things. I wanted to buy into the business that he already part-owned, and he refused. I convinced myself it was his fault I'd had to move away from my family and a life I knew, then when he rejected me, I started drinking more. When that didn't allow me to hide from myself, I experimented with drugs."

"Why did you do that? Even if you couldn't buy into a business, you were in a relationship with someone important. Wasn't that enough?"

He shook his head. "I was in denial and still hiding from myself. Eventually, Embry had enough and we went our separate ways . . . he told me I wasn't the person he thought I was. Anyway, my life seemed to spiral out of control after that, then one night, after I'd been on a bender for three days straight, I attacked a stranger. I don't remember why, but I was sentenced to ten years for aggravated assault. I got out two years ago, after serving eight years, and under the terms of my parole, I had to attend AA meetings."

"That doesn't explain why you never called me, or wrote, or even asked Mom about me. You weren't interested in me at all," I burst out.

"That's true," he said. "When I look back, I don't recognize the person I was, then when the real me surfaced again, for a long time, I was too ashamed of myself. I didn't feel I had the right to step back into your life in any way, even to find out how you were. To answer your question, I did miss you, or the idea of you, and when I finally found the courage to reach out to my dad, he talked about you non-stop. It didn't seem as if you missed me. You had your mom, and Ed—your dad, and your family."

I tried to think back to that time, but I was only five, and of course, my memories were a little blurred. I could remember sometimes wondering why my dad was so different from other kids' dads, but after Edward came into my life, Jake no longer occupied my thoughts. There was one thing I realized I wanted an answer to, and turned back to Jake.

"What about the termination papers?" I asked quietly. "I remember being excited about Dad wanting to adopt me. I never thought to ask Mom, but you must have agreed to it. If you missed me, then why didn't you contest it?"

"You do ask some difficult questions, Connor." Jake blew out a breath and huffed out a non-laugh. "Okay. At the time, I was drinking a lot, and I hated myself for being . . . what I was, even though I loved Embry. When I got the papers—" He stopped for a moment. "I was angry, and I wanted to refuse, but it was Embry who encouraged me to think. He reminded me of how I'd practically ignored you, and pointed out that if I wanted what was best for you, either I should step up and be the father you deserved or I should think about letting Edward adopt you. In a moment of clarity, I realized Embry was right." He shrugged. "It's why I signed, and I was too ashamed to talk to your mom; I just sent the papers back."

"Thank you," I said softly. "Thank you for doing the right thing for me."

I was beginning to see that Jake hadn't been in control of his life; his sexuality, his marriage to my mom, or his addictions.

The sky was beginning to darken, and I looked at my watch. My family and friends would be arriving at the house for the party, and suddenly, I wanted to be there, not sitting here. The revelations were resounding in my head, and I needed time to process everything Jake had told me. He seemed genuinely sorry for his actions, but I wasn't sure yet where we went from here, or how he might become part of my life.

"Well, I have to go now. I'm expected at home and this is a lot to take in." I stopped for a minute, wondering if this would be a fleeting contact. "What happens now?"

"Whatever you want, Connor. I don't expect anything from you—I gave away that right a long time ago. I need to make my peace with you as best as I can, and to tell you I'm truly sorry for the father I never was. I hope what I've said has gone some way toward doing that for you. An apology is long overdue to your mom too, and I'm planning on speaking to her soon, though I expect your . . ." He hesitated for a split second, clearing his throat. ". . . your dad will be there, and after the way I behaved, that doesn't surprise or upset me."

Jake stood and held out his hand. This time, I shook it.

"Thank you for being honest, Jake. I know Grandpa has your number, but I'm not promising I'll call."

"Sure, sure. Whenever you're ready, I'd like that." He smiled. "But I understand if you don't." We turned and started to walk back to the parking lot, stopping beside my car.

"Well, I'd best let you get back to your family. And thanks for agreeing to meet me, Connor; it means a lot to me. Again, I'm sorry."

"I'm glad for the opportunity, Jake."

I climbed into my car, starting the engine, and headed out of the parking lot toward home.

~ oOo ~

It was fully dark when I made it back to the house after meeting up with Jake. The house looked warm and welcoming and felt like home. The outside deck was lit with lanterns and both it, the kitchen, and the family room were crowded with immediate and extended family and friends. Undoubtedly, some of them had seen and recognized Jake at the game, but none of them said anything, allowing me time to process everything.

Mom was in the kitchen with Aunt Jess, and both of them looked up as I walked into the room.

"Everything go okay?" Mom asked.

I nodded. "Yeah, not bad. We can talk later if you like."

"No problem, love. Hannah's out on the deck with Matt and the rest of your friends. Dad's at the grill, with Pops and Carlisle putting the world to rights. I think the meat's done, and the rest is under the pergola."

"Thanks, Mom." I leaned over and kissed her on the head, then did the same to Aunt Jess.

"I'm surprised Jake had the balls to turn up after all this time," I heard Aunt Jess say as I walked out onto the deck. I chose not to say anything, and went looking for my girl.

Hannah and I had a connection, each of us always knowing when the other was near. Mom and Dad were the same. As I stepped through the door, she looked up, giving me a blinding smile. Turning to say something to Matt and one of the girls from school, she then headed across the deck toward me.

My heart settled as she joined me, slipping her arms around my waist and resting her head on my chest.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Better now I'm back here with you, sweetheart."

"You wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"Nah, I just want to spend some quality time with my girl, eat some good food, and have a great time. I promise we'll talk later, okay?"

"Hey, Connor," Dad called from beside the grill. "Can I get you something to eat?"

Taking Hannah's hand, we walked toward him. "Hmm, it all looks good. I'll have . . . the pulled pork in one, and beef burger and cheese in the other, please, Dad. What do you want, Hannah?"

I loaded my plate with potato salad, baked beans, and coleslaw, and Hannah chose pulled pork and beans for hers. We grabbed a couple of bottles of water from the ice chest cooler, then found an empty lawn chair where family and friends sat talking.

With my hands free after putting my plate and drink on the table set in front of the chairs, I looked up at her and patted my lap.

"Come here, sweetheart."

Hannah put down her food and settled across my lap, her arms sliding around my neck as we exchanged light kisses, then dug into the food.

The rest of the evening was filled with laughter, good conversation, music, and dancing, those with younger children heading for home just after eleven, along with Nan and Gramps, and Nana and Pops. The fire pit had been lit, chairs pulled up around the warmth, and after making sure both sets of twins got to bed, and leaving Harley to get ready for bed, Mom and Dad had joined us.

Dad urged Mom onto his lap, mirroring Hannah and me. Mom had her usual tea, which Hannah had chosen over any more soda, while Dad had a bottle of beer, and I stuck with root beer.

"Now that you've talked to him, what does Jake want now?"

I shrugged. "He says he doesn't want anything, Dad, but I told him I might call him sometime in the future—no promises. It's just that I'm not sure how much we really have in common, you know, and I don't know if I want to have any kind of relationship with him at all."

"Well, he played football with the guys from the rez when he was younger, and he watched sports all the time, so that could be a place to start," Mom said. "Give it some thought, but there's no need to decide right now, is there?"

I watched her and Dad together; how he soothed her anxiety and made her feel safe. As far back as I can remember, Jake hadn't shown Mom or me any affection. He was gone from our lives long before he left. For now, I decided, despite how sorry he'd sounded, I could use some space to digest everything. Although we might build some connection in the future, I didn't need anything from him when I had this family around me.

I looked down at Hannah, who was resting her head on my chest, her eyes closed. I could see a future between us. The four of us sat in silence for a while listening to the fire crackle and pop until Mom yawned.

"Come on, sweetheart," Dad said. "Let's get you to bed. Can you make sure the fire's out before you come in, please, Connor?"

"Sure thing, Dad."

Hannah said goodnight to them and we cozied up while the fire continued to die down.

"Are you staying?" I murmured as she yawned. "I can drive you home if you want."

"No, I'd like to stay," she answered. "Mom's boyfriend is at the house tonight, and they're not quiet, if you get what I mean." She made a face at the thought, shaking her head.

I chuckled, knowing what she meant. At least Mom and Dad's room was at the other end of the house to mine. "Okay. Come on then, help me cover the cushions, and I'll douse the embers of the fire."

Working together, we tidied up the deck, then headed indoors, switching off lights as we went. Dad would've locked up, but I finished up at the back of the house, then checked the front before Hannah and I climbed the stairs hand-in-hand.

We separated at the guest room door. Much as I wanted her, we'd not only had the conversation about waiting until we were ready for the next step in our relationship, I'd never disrespect my parents' rules in their house; our home.

Nevertheless, I backed her up against the wall, unable to resist the feeling of her against me, and caged her in with my body. We kissed until we were breathless before I put a little space between us, resting my forehead against hers.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," I murmured. "I love you."

"I love you, too. See you in the morning."

She backed into the room, blowing me a kiss before closing the door quietly, and I made my way along the hall to my room.

The last six weeks of school would be filled with study and exams, then graduation, but I was looking forward to the summer. A visit to the beach house with a group of friends and family, fishing with Pops, and spending quality time with my girl and the family before taking our first step into the world as adults.

~ oOo ~