The King of Shujin Academy

by Ouya2

Ren Amamiya is sent to Tokyo on probation. Will he be able to get through the year without any trouble? As soon as he arrives in Tokyo the answer is a resounding no. A Persona 5 AU where Ren rejects Arsène and the Phantom Thieves never come to be, yet the threat of the Metaverse remains.

73. Kids

Thursday, 10/6

"You want jelly or butter with that?" Ann said as she pointed a butter knife at Haru's toast.

"Butter, please." Ann nodded, then returned to her overstocked fridge. Every level of the fridge was covered in food, as was tradition for when the Takamaki parents were out of town. Part of the housekeepers' job was to keep the fridge well-stocked with an infinite budget from their employers.

And thank God they do. I'm way too lazy and way too young to buy groceries. Even the thought of it is kinda draining, Ann mused as she took the butter container out. She went over to the coffee table where Haru and their unbuttered toast sat, sliding the butter across the table to her friend. The butter knife followed in a much more calm fashion because nobody wanted to start their day by getting stabbed by a flying knife.

Ann sat down across from Haru. The heiress got to work on scraping the butter-covered knife across the bread, each stroke emitting a grating noise that Ann knew would send crumbs every way. She didn't care, though, because she knew that she made way more of a mess than anyone else in that house. Ann's own toast, already buttered because she woke up early, faced damnation as Ann began shoveling it into her mouth. She may have woken up early, but not early enough to not need to rush out the door.

Across the table, Haru's slow pace confused Ann. She took things so leisurely every morning, whereas Ann did four things at once just to make it out the door on time, yet Haru was always ready to leave first. Haru has to have superpowers. That's the only way it makes sense, Ann thought.

Even Haru's showers, musically performative as they were, went twice as fast as Ann's. The blonde had timed it on multiple occasions just to make sure she wasn't being fucked with.

"How'd you sleep?" Ann asked in between bites of her brittle, burned toast. The toaster never got it right, no matter how much money it cost.

Haru continued focusing on buttering her toast as she responded. "Oh, the usual. That bed's too comfy to just be a guest bed, you know."

"I told you that it's my old mattress from before we moved here, right?"

"You never did. That explains the softness, I suppose."

"Yep. I loved that bed and threw a fit over having to get a new one, but I'm happy someone still gets to enjoy it."

"Which do you prefer—the old mattress or your new one?"

"Oh, the new one easily. I sleep like a baby every night."

Haru looked up as she finished buttering her bread. A sly smile widened on her face as she made eye contact with Ann. "And you slept even better last night?"

"Um… what?"

"You and Ryuji-kun's date—how did it go?" When Haru's question stopped Ann from speaking anymore, Haru took that in and of itself as her answer. "I don't need to have a talk with Ryuji about treating you properly, do I?"

Haru was intense; far more intense than she came off as. From Ann's perspective, Haru's passive-aggressive nature came out when she or her friends were threatened by anything. Haru never needed to act on her words, but Ann did believe Haru would bitch slap Ryuji if need be.

"O-oh," Ann began, laughing to herself for thinking Haru implied something far more serious. "It was… pretty awesome, to be honest. He took me to Kichijoji to play pool, I kicked his ass a half-dozen times, then we got some food."

"Was it worth waiting so long?"

"Let's just put it this way: I consider all that losing he did at pool as compensation for not paying attention to me," Ann said. She and Haru laughed with their rose-tinted glasses pushed up their noses as if Ann's past ravings about Ryuji being brain dead were a fond memory. "But it was so, so much fun. You should come sometime."

Haru's eyes widened in surprise, her mouth struggling to reject the offer politely. "I'm not sure if third-wheeling is-"

"I mean with the rest of the group, of course," Ann corrected with a laugh.

"Oh! Then yes, of course I'll go. I've never been any good, though."

"You'll still be better than Ryuji. Doesn't matter if you're bad at the game, really. Penguin Sniper's just a fun place to hang out."

"I'll take you up on that offer," Haru said as she finally began eating her bread. With how long she took to finally start eating, Ann refused to believe that she wouldn't be first to the door that morning. No way Haru came back after giving Ann that much of a head start.

"It might be a bit hard with midterms coming, but-"

"You're finally starting to worry?" Haru said. It was not a genuine question of inquiry, instead one that poked fun at Ann not even mentioning the exams before that morning.

"Shut up," Ann said. "We're both gonna study this time, and we're gonna go up in the rankings. We've gotta prove GRAVY's not just a bunch of dumb-dumbs."

"Mako-chan and Ren-kun both placed first on the final exam for last semester."

"How'd the rest of us do?"

Haru stopped chewing, looking down at the table as she conceded to Ann's perspective. "I see your point."

"And that is why we'll be hitting the books, Haru. You better be ready to study until your brain melts, because you're not getting out of it now that you live with me."

"Oh, dear."

---

The path from the subway station to Shujin never got any shorter. Every day, droves of students would walk down the narrow street from end to end. They moved in packs, cliques of friends separating from others to talk about them not even ten feet away. High school drama began before school even started every morning.

Haru and Ann walked together. On all sides of them were groups of friends. Ann paid no attention to them as she spoke with Haru. "Has your class started planning the culture festival yet?"

"Yes, but I've sat out. As much as I would love to decorate, the guys in my class want to go in a different direction."

"What are you guys doing?"

"A petting zoo with the class's pets."

"Sheesh… that's gonna suck to set up."

"I was hoping to skip that part, actually," Haru said. Shujin loomed down the street, but they still had a street to cross and more ground to cover. The duo stopped as they waited for traffic to stop at the intersection. All the individual groups of students converged into one crowded mob as they waited for the same thing. "What is your class doing?"

"I dunno. No one's really talked about it." A far cry from Ann's first year at Shujin. Back then, the Culture Festival was all anyone could talk about for the entirety of October. Ann heard about it so much that she grew to hate the festival until she actually went. It was a fun time, but that was back when Shiho still attended and Ann had less of a reputation around school. That being said, GRAVY always found how to have a good time in their own way. "Actually, now that I think about it, it's been suspiciously silent compared to last year," Ann said. The light still hadn't changed, letting cars zoom past the crowd on the sidewalk. Students chattered around them in every direction.

"That is strange," Haru commented. "The Culture Festival's what the school fixates on immediately after the second-year trip, typically. I suppose the administration would want to keep things more low-key with what's happened this year…"

"But that shouldn't stop all the kids from talking about it, right?"

"Hm…" Haru stood on her tippy-toes to see over a tall girl in front of her. The crosswalk light changed to indicate that crossing was permitted. Ann heard the crowd exhale all at once as they began moving again, bumping into each other until they gradually spaced out. "It's not that big of a deal. We'll just spend the festival together, no matter how underfunded it is this year."

"Hah, that's the sad truth of it, huh?" Ann pitied Shujin's cutbacks. Every time the school tried to do something cool for the students, they came up short. "I wonder who we got for a guest this year."

"Well, the only person in the budget is the leader of a small club called Garden-"

"Don't even say it, oh my god. Ren would lose his mind if they made him do an interview in front of the school."

"He wouldn't be cooperative, that's for sure."

Ann would give the MC fits if he had to get interviewed. He'd be pissed to be in front of everyone, and he'd make sure that everyone knew he hated it. He's always sarcastic, but I can't imagine how much he would step his game up for that, Ann thought. The idea almost made Ann petition Makoto to make it happen, just so Ann could see how it would unfold.

"So, if Ren can't be the guest speaker, why not someone else?" Haru counted off on her fingers as she went through GRAVY's members. Ann went along with the joke as she counted in time with her friend. "Mako-chan's out because she's the student council president, Ryuji-kun's out for vulgarity, Futaba-chan's out for obvious reasons, and Yusuke-kun wouldn't do it. GRAVY's come up empty."

"Nuh-uh." Ann shook her head and waved off Haru's ridiculous assumption. "You're kidding, right? Yusuke would absolutely do it. He'd go up there, sing a song about the Bible, then accept every question until the crowd gets bored and leaves the auditorium one by one."

Haru held up an air-microphone to Ann. "Kitagawa-san, how has Shujin Academy impacted your art?"

Ann dusted her shoulders as she prepared to take on the demanding role of Yusuke Kitagawa. She stiffened her posture and robotically turned her head to face Haru without lowering it. "Shujin Academy, located in Aoyama, is like a fifteenth home to me. I draw inspiration from all facets of the miniature world Principal Kobayakawa provides, such as the sultry swing of Kawakami-sensei's hips-"

"Ew, Ann."

"And the abusive pitching form of Ushimaru-sensei. Most of all, I draw inspiration from the beauty of Kobayakawa himself," Ann continued in her near-perfect impression of Yusuke's monotone, inflectionless voice. "He has affected my creation-" Ann cut into her own sentence as she thought of a way to heighten the nonsense and make things weirder just as Yusuke would. "No, my procreation of art the most. In fact, I have run out of canvas each time I've attempted to capture his enthralling form." Ann finished her performance with a bow, and the two laughed until Ann fell out of the character entirely.

"That was disturbingly accurate," Haru said.

"I think Yusuke would have been a bit more unpredictable."

"True, but perhaps he would be unpredictable by being predictable."

"Ooh, good point."

Left in a great mood from the banter as they reached their destination, Ann and Haru ascended the steps to Shujin. Ann's mornings followed this pattern each morning. She started the day with energy, happy to be with a friend for most of the day, but got progressively more burnt out and worn down as the school day continued. By the time Kawakami dismissed her class at the end of the day, Ann's brain had become mush and starkly contrasted with the pep she had entered Shujin with.

Haru reached the door first. She pulled it open and stood behind it, holding it for Ann and a group of girls that closely followed them. Ann walked in first, passing with a quick, "Thanks," as she took in Shujin's entrance hall.

The door stayed open for the girls. Ann turned around to wait for her friend, but she caught something else instead. "Why thank you, Okumura-san," the first girl said with a snide undertone. Her friends held snickering back behind pursed lips. "I'm impressed that you're helping people as low as us. I hope some of my poverty doesn't rub off on you," she said. She speed-walked through the door because she was one of those kinds of people: a despicable, cowardly person who lacked the spine to say something besides what their friends found funny. The girl lacked even just the smidge of dignity required to stay and own up to it.

Immediately, Ann stepped in the girl's path. She nearly dropped her bag as she walked into Ann, but the blonde stood tall as the stronger of the two. The rude girl looked up at Ann, shocked that justice happened so soon after the evil that preceded it. Oh, this isn't justice. Not yet, Ann thought. She wanted to slap the girl. She knew how that would go at Shujin, so it wasn't worth the trouble. Fortunately, she had better ideas.

"How can you say something like that and not feel ashamed?"

"T-Takamaki-san, I-"

"Sure, your friends are laughing, but what would your grandmother say?" Ann put a guiding hand on the girl's shoulder and lightly pushed until the girl turned around. "Go apologize. You have to feel at least a little regret. C'mon, make things right."

As Ann pointed to Haru, who still held the door open as more students trailed in, she realized something. The rude girl had the gall to say something so undoubtedly cruel that there was no way Ann could change her mind about Haru. Ann's least effective course of action was reprimanding the rude girl—her most effective being providing comfort for her friend.

Even as Haru continued to hold the door, her face fell in the same manner it always did when the gloom got through. Any mentions of her dad, his campaign, and what kids were saying around Shujin made her eyes dip. She looked confused at her own reaction to the insult, as if she'd forgotten that she was far more than a normal Shujins student for just a moment.

The girl turned back around. "Pffft. As if," she said before storming past Ann. She made sure to bump her shoulder hard as revenge for nearly knocking her over in the first place.

Ann remembered when she'd been in Haru's place. Back when Shiho still went to Shujin, and Kamoshida still reigned, Ann tried to be nice to everyone and go about her business as usual. Doing something as generous as offering her English notes to other girls was met with stares of disgust and quick refusal. Ann would've transferred if Shiho weren't there for Ann to hang out with after class.

Haru finally let the door close as she entered Shujin. The girls she held the door for brushed past Ann, laughing as they asked each other where their first friend went. "She's a bitch, don't worry about her," Ann said as she finally got to Haru's side.

"Who?"

"You know… the one who said-"

"Oh…" Haru's sadness couldn't hide from Ann. "I didn't mind. I'm used to it."

"And that's the problem. Haru, take it if you want, but the newspaper club's gonna have to pay for slandering you like that."

"What's done is done, and they're a difficult club to deal with." Haru stopped walking and put her hand on Ann's arm. "Ann, if you're trying to help me, please don't worry. You're doing enough already."

Ann had a few inches of height over her friend, so she looked down at Haru.

"You shouldn't have to get used to people being assholes to you." To Ann, there was no point in continuing the debate. She knew she was right, and whether Haru agreed or not didn't matter. Ann vowed to herself to help her friend when the opportunity appeared. "And, if it's any comfort, you and everyone else in GRAVY know the real you. What some people who never even heard of you before this week doesn't matter, okay?"

"I know."

The two turned away from each other and faced the hallway. Class beckoned alongside the ever-increasing speed of those still in the halls. Ann and Haru's time was nearly up.

---

Saturday, 10/8

"Afternoon, Doc," Ryuji said as the door to the nurse's office opened. "You wanted to see me?" After the dismissal bell, Ushimaru informed Ryuji that he was to report straight to the counselor for a session with no dilly-dallying.

How could he accuse me, Ryuji Sakamoto, of being a dilly-dally-er? It's plain rude, Ryuji thought as he reminisced on the moment. It was a rare occasion for Ushimaru to act like a normal teacher compared to the psychopathic baseball demon he usually was.

"Hey, Sakamoto-kun. Come on in." Maruki waved Ryuji in. He followed the counselor inside and they took the same places they had months ago during their last meeting. Ryuji kicked his feet up on the edge of the coffee table while unwrapping a chocolate. "So…" Maruki began, placing his interlocked hands on his lap. "What have you been up to lately?"

Ryuji tossed the chocolate into his mouth and bit in with his back teeth. "Ya know… studying for midterms, pla-"

"I'm going to stop you right there. Are you really studying, Sakamoto-kun?"

Ryuji didn't breathe as he kept his mouth shut. Focusing on the chocolate in his mouth, he chewed and chewed until a strange sensation began forming in the back corner of his mouth. Each bite flared within his gums until it became outright pain. Ryuji didn't want to become a drama queen and leave because of a toothache, so he swallowed the chocolate like a man. He and Maruki unintentionally began a staring contest, one which Ryuji didn't have the endurance for. After just a few seconds, he exhaled. "Alright, ya got me. Not studying again, big deal."

"That's more like you, but why lie?"

"You're still a teacher, and stuff, so I gotta pretend to be on top of things, don't I?"

"On the contrary, I'm not a teacher. I'm something of a third party to Shujin administration and its students." Maruki brought a hand to his face, scratching it on the right side. "Which is why you can tell me anything you want, or however little you want."

"So I could just sit here in silence?"

"Technically, yes, but that would accomplish very little."

"What do you want us to accomplish?"

"I just want to verify how you're doing, Sakamoto-kun. I have the sneaking suspicion that you and the rest of your club are having a really good time these days because none of you are coming to see me."

Is he dissing us? Nah, no way Doc would do that… unless he wants to catch these hands. Could I beat Maruki in a fight? Shit, that shouldn't even be a question. Only person I can't beat in a fight is Makoto, and that's it, Ryuji thought.

"Heh, guess you're right. If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

"Enlighten me to why things are so great right now."

"Well, I can't speak for the others…" Ryuji immediately stopped as his thoughts caught up to his mouth. "Er, I can because they're not here and can't do shit about it, so… Ren and Makoto are chumming it up. They're doing better than ever, even though they're going through some drama with the newspaper club. Our whole club is against their club, actually, they just don't know it yet. We're gonna smack 'em around real good one of these days."

"You're going to fight the newspaper club?"

"If no one else will… yeah, I'll do it." Ryuji remembered a fun fact that Ren sent him over the phone the other day, he just needed to properly quote him. He took his phone out of his pocket, navigated to his texts with Ren, then read it aloud to Maruki. "According to Raging Gardener's Digest, ninety-eight percent of journalists have never won a fight?"

Maruki chuckled, but still raised an eyebrow. "That so?"

"Yep. Should be an easy win for us. We could probably just send Ren's cat in and we'd still mop the floor with them."

"Your confidence in your fighting ability is admirable." Maruki changed which leg he crossed over the other. As he finished, he sat up straight and again focused on Ryuji. "But I'm assuming things haven't only been great because Ren and Makoto are happy."

"Oh! Right! I, uh, actually started a relationship of my own."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I know. Withhold the bowing, please, but it's actually with Ann."

"Good for you two."

"I know, man. I still can't believe it, honestly. Like, I'm dating Ann freakin' Takamaki! How cool is that?" Ryuji didn't need Maruki to answer his question for him to keep raving about his new relationship. "There's a lot of shit that comes with it though, ya know? I'm starting to worry about everything I do, and what Ann would think, and if it'll blow my opportunity, and-"

"You can't think of it as an opportunity. Dating and romantic relationships aren't as rigid as you think they are."

"Hm… I don't get it."

"Think of it this way. Ann's not an opportunity for you to have a girlfriend, she's simply just your girlfriend. She's another person with her own thoughts, dreams, and things that she gets annoyed at, just like you. Maybe she's also worried about pleasing you in the relationship, but will one mistake sink an entire relationship?"

Ryuji thought back to his speed-dating at Kosei, his handling of Hifumi, and his outrageous fling with that mom from Iwatodai. Effing up god things with one simple mistake was the name of Ryuji's game.

"If you're asking that question, you clearly don't know me that well."

Maruki laughed. "Talk about that with her and you'll see what I mean. She doesn't care nearly as much as you think she does. As I said, relationships aren't rigid things that you can define or box in. You need to allow them to evolve naturally, to breathe without the confines of doubts."

"A lot of this is going over my head, but I think I get you."

"I can explain it again if you like."

"No, no… you're saying that I just gotta level with Ann and not treat her like a god?"

"In layman's terms, yes."

Ryuji's phone stayed out since he opened it to check his texts with Ren. Since it stayed out, the screen lit up and caught Ryuji's attention. He looked down at the phone in his lap to find that Maruki's counseling session almost made him late for that evening.

"Doc, I gotta thank you for talking to me about that, but I gotta get going soon. Everyone's going to Ren's tonight and a Sakamoto is never late."

"Alright, Sakamoto-kun. You're free to go."

Ryuji shot up from the couch. "Thanks. I'll think about what you said, seriously!" As he walked towards the door, Maruki remained sitting in his chair. Ryuji turned back to see the counselor reach forward, nearly breaking his back, to grab a chocolate for himself. "See ya later," Ryuji said with a wave as he dipped out the door.

Walking down the hall, Ryuji noticed something. He touched the back of his jaw from his cheek and the pain from earlier exploded in his mouth. "Ah, shit!" he yelled out as his hand jerked away. One lonely student at her locker down the hall jumped at Ryuji's expletives but didn't say anything.

Probably just a minor toothache. It'll be gone in a day, Ryuji thought to himself as he kept walking. He had bigger fish to fry, such as learning how to not suck at pool or enjoying his GRAVY Saturday at Ren's. As soon as the pain subsided, his teeth became the last thing on his mind.

---

Sunday, 10/9

"You tired from last night?" Ryuji asked. They sat next to each other on Ren's couch, their attention turned towards the game of Super Rash Toes on the TV. The rest of GRAVY left about an hour prior, but Ren invited Ryuji to hang out for a bit.

It feels like it's been a while since just me and Ryuji hung out, outside of eating lunch together. It makes sense, though. We're both respectable, successful young men who've attained significant others and- Jesus, Ren, you're getting really ahead of yourself. Play the game and have some fun, alright?

Only as Ren knocked Ryuji's off the map for the third time in a row, Ren's phone buzzed on the coffee table. A groan erupted from Ryuji when Ren paused the rematch to pick up the phone. "C'mon, man, Makoto can wait. She saw you an hour ago!"

"If Ann called you, you would pick it up," Ren said as he relaxed backward on the couch. He leaned his head on the top of the cushion so that he gazed straight up at the ceiling. "And I've got dinner with Makoto tonight, so this is important."

"Dinner-shminner. She's paying for it, isn't she?"

Ren tuned Ryuji out as he pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"I need you to bring me the package."

"Uh… who is this?"

"Teddie the fucking Bear, who do you think?" Iwai growled into the phone. "Cut the bullshit. Bring the package to Untouchable in the next thirty minutes."

Ren went over his mental schedule for his day. He didn't need to get to Makoto's until the evening, and he wouldn't need much time to prepare for that. Ren could probably run down to Untouchable within that half-hour and get back in time to play more Rash Toes with Ryuji with time to spare.

"Alright. I'll be there."

The line clicked without any closure for the conversation. Ren sat up to find that Ryuji was already staring at him. "What's the sitch?" he asked.

"I work a second part-time job for this guy Junpei knows. I have to bring him a package he had me store."

"Huh…" Ryuji seemed disinterested. His eyes sped back and forth from Ren to the paused game of Rash Toes, making his wishes obvious. "Wanna put it off and play more Rash Toes?"

"Dude, it's like a twenty-minute trip. I'll just head out and you can stay here if you want. Call up Futaba and see if she can put a foot up your ass for a bit."

"As if Futaba could beat me at-"

"Ryuji." Ren put a hand on his friend's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Come on. You're delusional if you think you're beating Futaba."

Sad admittance of a hard truth came from Ryuji. "Yeah, I know…" He looked like a disappointed kid that just learned clouds aren't actually fluffy sky pillows.

Shit, now I feel bad. He's gotta know that talking trash about Futaba's skills is a cardinal sin, right? We've all learned not to fuck with her when it comes to pressing buttons.

"How 'bout you come with me? We can grab burgers or something on the way back."

"Hey, good thinking!" Ryuji tossed his controller to the ground, an action Ren wanted to object to, and immediately began preparing to leave.

That's that, then. Time to hit Untouchable, then I'll have a nice, easy day until dinner with Sae. I'll be perfectly relaxed and in the zone for dinner, meaning that I'll get maximum enjoyment out of the food and any conversations Sae wants to have will be like cake.

Ren smiled at the thought of how perfect his day would be.

Not even Tae can fuck this up. No Bob Ross Yusuke, no Doctor Ryuji, no Executioner Haru… my schedule's clear of all those insane characters and I'm truly free to enjoy myself. Time to be normal for once.

---

With the small cardboard box tucked under his arm, Ren pushed open the door to Untouchable. Ryuji followed him into the dimly-lit, ever-empty store. The shelves were always stocked and Ren couldn't remember ever seeing another customer there.

Maybe Iwai would get more sales if he wasn't based in a random alley. Then again, I'm sure he wants to keep a low profile.

"Damn…" Ryuji muttered. Ren saw his friend drift away into the shelves, amazed by all the model guns around him.

It's better if Ryuji's occupied —m eans he can't interfere while I'm talking to Iwai and make things worse.

Iwai was absent from Untouchable's front counter. Ren stepped up to the glass surface, set the box down, and crossed his arms. "Iwai!" he called over to the open door to the storage room. "I've got your box!"

Ren heard shuffling from the other side of the door. Following the scraping of metal on stone, two coughs, and a snort, Iwai emerged from the storage room. "You were quick."

"I wanted to get this," Ren said, tapping the box on the counter, "off my hands."

"Don't blame you." Iwai took the box with his hands on both sides. He brought it up to eye level so he could properly inspect it. "I wouldn't want someone's head sitting in my cupboard, either."

"You already tried that joke on me."

"Did I?" Iwai set the box down as his eyes drifted away from the present. "Oh yeah… heh." Iwai must've remembered Ren nearly falling into the shelf.

I would laugh, too, but only if it didn't happen to me. Admittedly, it is hilarious.

Iwai leaned to the side so he could see past Ren and into one of the few aisles. "What's your, uh, friend doing back there?" Ren turned around to see Ryuji with a model rocket launcher.

"General Sakamoto, we've gathered the civilians into a circle just like you wanted," Ryuji said to himself in a deep voice. Immediately, he switched to his normal one. "Ah, thanks Lieutenant Kitagawa. Tell the men to stand clear." The rocket launcher leaned back on his shoulder as his head pressed against its side. His eye peered down the sights at his imaginary group of civilians. "Nooo, General Sakamoto, don't-" Ryuji began to say in a high-pitched imitation of a civilian woman. He interrupted himself with a, "Gsh… booom!"

His mimicked war crime even had proper recoil for the rocket launcher. He knew his details, obviously.

Ren turned back around. "He's enjoying himself."

Iwai shrugged and sat down in his chair. He kicked his feet up on the front desk, letting his leather military boots push Ren away with how much they hung off the edge. "Thanks for returning this. It's not a fair trade unless I give you a reward, so…" Iwai looked up at the ceiling to consider all the possible things he could give Ren. "You got more work to do."

"Iwai-san, I really can't today. I'll work any other-"

Iwai brought his thumb and index finger to the corners of his mouth. A sharp whistle jolted everyone in the store. "Kaoru! Your babysitter's here!"

Hell no.

"Don't fuck with me, Iwai."

Iwai sat up then, deadpanning at Ren. The silent reaction was humiliating for Ren, making him think that even angering Iwai would have been better. "You forget your place, kid. How old are you?"

"I'm seve-"

"That was rhetorical, so shut up and wait for Kaoru to get out here." Iwai looked back at the door to the storage room. "Kaoru, come on. Your babysitter's got places to be." Once done yelling at his son, Iwai turned to face Ren, though not giving him the respect of eye contact. He focused on picking at his fingernails while Ren begged for freedom.

"Iwai-san, please. I have a date tonight, and it's really important."

"Then bringing Kaoru along will test how much she really likes you. You should be thankful I'm handing him off to you."

"I'll babysit any other day, just let me get out of today. Please. I'll do anything."

Iwai looked up from his fingers. "Extort three stores by the end of the day and you have a deal."

One does not simply extort. Besides, I'm not nearly scary enough to pull that off.

"Okay, maybe not anything." Ren gave up on begging as he switched strategies. His desperation made him try anything, even if it risked making Iwai dislike him even more. "You know what? I don't have to take this from you. I can just leave." He spun around, seeing Ryuji playing with a fake sword and making ninja noises. "Ryuji!" The blonde dropped the sword and yelped in surprise. "We're leaving."

Ren began walking to the door, assuming Ryuji would be close behind, only to stop when Iwai's gruff bellow stopped him. "Open that door and I'll let your probation officer know what you've been stashing the past few weeks." Slowly, Ren turned step by step until he had a direct view of Iwai. The blackmailer hadn't switched poses or even looked at Ren. Blackmail was barely worth the effort for him. "Maybe I'll tell him that you tried to pawn this off on me," he said, nodding to the box that still sat on the counter.

Ryuji finished up with his swordplay and joined Ren. "We leaving, or…?"

Ren said nothing as he continued watching Iwai. Even something as plain as picking his fingernails came across as a threat, some unspoken description of what would happen if Ren didn't babysit Kaoru that evening.

A thin, nasal voice joined in on the commotion. "Dad, really? I can take care of myself. I'm twelve years old!" Kaoru looked the exact same as he did in Ren's memory. Same glasses, same short hair, same blue vest, collared shirt, and jeans.

"Sorry. You're with Ren for tonight."

"But Dad-"

"Nope. Not hearing it," Iwai said as he gave Kaoru a hand to talk to. "Matter of fact, it's time for you guys to leave. I got business to attend to." Iwai pushed off the counter, got up from his seat, and went to the back. There was nobody left for Ren to argue with, yet one person remained for him to babysit.

Ryuji tapped Ren on the shoulder. "Are we done here? Or should I go back to playing with weapons?"

Make that two people to babysit.

"Nope. We're leaving. Kaoru, keep up." Ren opened Untouchable's door to the rest of the world. He didn't hold it open for the others because he was that petty and grumpy and in a horrible, no-good, very bad mood, but it was fixable. A little bit of relaxing, maybe some food, and some quiet time would do wonders.

Hopefully.

If those don't help me, then Sae Niijima curb-stomping me at dinner certainly will. I've got a few hours to get my shit together and find an excuse for Kaoru, or else my ass is grass, and not in the way that Tsukasa would enjoy.

---

"Are we there yet?"

"You're too old to say that," Ren said as the trio walked through Shibuya. By Ren's decision, they were going back to his apartment to determine his next course of action and how to get rid of Kaoru without his father finding out.

Ryuji watched Ren go through several billion realities on what he could do with Kaoru as they walked. Ren told Kaoru off every time the kid spoke just so he could have some silence. Ryuji recognized this easily enough to oblige, but Kaoru's social skills were not at that level.

"But I'm getting hungry!" Kaoru protested. His voice developed more of a whine every time he complained.

Ryuji had his own problems, too, but was he complaining? No. He missed his sword, his rocket launcher, and the imaginary chain of command he created back in Untouchable—that didn't mean he would bitch and whine until everyone hated him for it.

"Look, kid," Ryuji said as he put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder. He was considerably taller than the kid, though that didn't mean much. Kaoru was probably just a few months away from a growth spurt. "Just relax until we get back to Ren's place, then he'll get you some food."

"But I'm hungry now!"

Ryuji felt bad for Ren. He was particularly uptight when it came to going over to Makoto's. I oughta have him talk to Maruki about that, Ryuji thought. He doesn't need everything to go perfectly. Still, Ryuji wanted things to go well for his friend because he could tell how much Ren cared, only for Iwai to give him a giant 'Eff you' in the form of a kid to deal with. Ryuji wondered how Ren would get around the chore of babysitting.

Ren took a break from his future-gazing to speak. "Kaoru, I refuse to believe that your dad tolerates this kind of behavior." He kept walking ahead of Kaoru and Ryuji, leaving the two to argue it out while he thought of every possible way to pawn Kaoru off in just a few hours.

"My dad feeds me whenever I want!"

"Well, Ren and I aren't your dad. You'll have to wait," Ryuji said.

"Hey, fuck you. You're not even the babysitter my dad wanted!"

"Wooooah!" Ryuji took a step away from the vulgar child in shock. How dare a kid let such vile words fly in Ryuji's direction? "You need to reconsider your language, kid!"

"You need to reconsider waiting to feed me," Kaoru said. He walked faster, forcing Ryuji to keep up with him. It contributed greatly to Ryuji's waning sense of superiority over the child, as he was the one getting dragged along the sidewalk. "Or else I'll send you to Sugon."

"Pfft, Sugon? That's not an actual country, dumbass."

Kaoru didn't even look at Ryuji as he dropped a bomb on him. "It may not be a country, but you can sugon these nuts, bitch."

"Wha- hey!" Ryuji slapped the kid on the shoulder. "You're not old enough for those kinda jokes!"

"That's not what your mom said last-"

Ren stopped walking and spun around on a dime. A hand extended itself to Ryuji, then one to Kaoru, telling them both to shut the fuck up for just one second. "Both of you, be quiet. I've got an idea." Ryuji nodded, prompting Ren to slide his phone out of his pocket. A few taps on the screen later, Ren held the phone to his ear as the three stood amid a crowded sidewalk. Ryuji repeatedly got bumped by pedestrians trying to walk past him. He hoped Kaoru got bumped and fell face first onto the pavement.

"Hey, Makoto," Ren said to the phone. Ryuji was surprised; he didn't think Ren's solution would be to go directly to the person he wanted to hide Kaoru from. "So, slight problem with dinner tonight. Iwai's forcing me to babysit tonight, so I can't-" Ren paused as static yelled at him through the phone. "Uh huh… yeah… are you sure? I mean, we could just postpone and- oh… I see. Alright, sounds like a plan." Ren hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket.

Ryuji was curious. "So…?"

Ren crossed his arms, cautiously looking in between Kaoru and Ryuji. Makoto seemed to have made the decision for him, but Ryuji could tell Ren wasn't on board with it. "Kaoru, we're going to dinner at my girlfriend's tonight. Until we leave that dinner, you're pretending to be my cousin. Okay?"

"Woah, sweet! Is your girlfriend hot?"

This kid's got some nerve. I can't believe Ren's tolerating him, and I gotta do the same. We've fallen so far, huh? If he said the same thing to Ren three months ago, Ren would've dangled the kid by his foot out of a window, Ryuji thought. His hatred of Kaoru increased every time the kid opened his mouth.

"Kaoru, just…" Ren shook his head as he gave up on telling the kid off. He then turned to Ryuji. "Ryuji, you're welcome to keep hanging out, but-"

"Actually, I was gonna ask if I could come to dinner." Ryuji's words made Ren's face drop even more. He felt bad to deflate his friend's evening more than it already had, but Ryuji's dilemma was far, far worse than Ren's. "I, uh, told my mom that I was eating out tonight."

"Okay? Just tell her that you're coming home."

"That's not so easy. She plans dinner like seven hours ahead of when we eat, and if I get home late without eating dinner, she'll stop everything just to make me some food." Ryuji appreciated how much his mother cared for him, but he really, really didn't want her to make the effort for him. "Her favorite show's on tonight, and-"

"Alright, I understand," Ren said as he held his hands up as stop signs for Ryuji's explanation. "That's so sweet that I'll figure something out with Makoto."

"I could pretend to be your brother?" Ryuji suggested. The least he could do was try to provide a solution to the new problem he created.

"Uh… no. You're probably fine just going as good ol' Ryuji, but lemme text Makoto." Ren took his phone out but stopped tapping the screen to look at Ryuji and Kaoru. "Let's get going back to the apartment. I'll text her on the way." As he turned around and began walking, Ryuji and Kaoru resumed their following.

As well as their argument.

"How old are you, Ryuji?" Kaoru asked. His nasalness made his voice sound like it came straight out of his nostrils.

"Seventeen."

"Really? I didn't know seventeen-year-olds could have receding hairlines."

"Listen here, you little effer," Ryuji said as he looked down at the kid. He pointed a finger in the kid's face to intimidate him, hopefully. Ryuji wasn't sure anything would work, as Kaoru just seemed too dedicated to being a hater. "I don't wanna hear anything else fr-"

"Do you think it's the hair dye making your hairline go back? Or is your nose so big and scary that it makes your hair run away?"

Ryuji stopped telling the kid off so he could look him dead in the eye. His pointing hand fell to his side as he continued walking. I swear this generation is made up of a buncha evil mothereffers. Kids these days… Ryuji gave up on trying to discipline Kaoru. It was a lost cause unless he wanted his self-esteem to be crushed even more.

"Ryuji, Makoto says you can come," Ren called back from up ahead.

At least some good news came from the interaction.

---

The ends of the comb scraped through Ren's tufts of messy hair, drawing along his scalp. He hated every second of it. Every stroke along his head was pure agony; not because of the pain, but because his dignity waned with each brush.

When I was a boy, I promised myself I'd never comb my hair, not even if it was the day of my wedding with Rise Kujikawa.

He attempted to comb his hair for his previous trip to dinner with the Niijimas. Needless to say, it didn't go well. He wasn't Ren Amamiya without his hairdo reflecting a state of absolute distress and uncaring.

But times changed, and so did the situation Ren was in. Where he could once afford to skip fully combing his hair, it became a necessity.

One doesn't walk into Sae Niijima's apartment with a random twelve-year-old, Ryuji Sakamoto, and unkempt hair, and live to tell about it. Combing my hair is the best I can do to make up for whatever happens.

Ren mumbled under his breath as the come dragged along a new patch of hair. "Spinning spiderfucker, bitchy bean apprentice…" He erased his identity as he continued—the only way he could maintain his sense of self was to swear his ass off with pure nonsense.

It didn't help that the aggravating noise of arguing provided a backdrop to Ren's suffering. Despite the closed door to his bathroom, Kaoru screeched loudly enough to garner more than a few noise complaints from the neighbors.

"I want a sandwich!"

"Then you'll have to beat me in Rash Toes!" Ryuji insisted.

Ren heard a high wail from Kaoru as a demon unleashed itself upon his apartment. He wouldn't have been surprised to step out of the bathroom, looking clean as a motherfucker, only to see a flipped couch and charred walls.

"But I ca-haaan't!"

"Then I guess you're gonna starve, bud."

Ren had to chuckle at that one. Ryuji was terrible with kids, or perhaps just Kaoru, but Ren wasn't much better. He would've obliged Kaoru's demanding needs, though that would only enable the kid to be a whiny little bitch even more.

I've done a decent job so far. I haven't encouraged him to be a dick, and I haven't provoked him. Ryuji's taken that job from me. Does that make me the mature one? ….Ew. I hate how that sounds. Also, how on earth can I consider myself mature? I'm literally going crazy over something as simple as combing my fucking hair. I'm stressing out over doing something normal.

Then again, Ren's stress could be blamed on the vulgar screams on the other side of the door.

Ren's last patch of identity was transfigured into clean, put-together, masculinity. His hair grew too long for a simple off-center part and demanded considerable illusory work from Ren—not that he would do it, of course. A haircut would've done Ren a great service to trim up the edges and shorten his hair in the back, but he would have to settle for the 'homeless comber' look.

He dropped the comb to the side of the sink and twisted the knob for running water. Leaning over, though not far enough for his comb-over to fall out of place, Ren laid his hands beneath the waterfall. He tossed them upward, splashing water on his face.

The knob twisted the other direction with a rusty squeal as the water shut off. Ren stared himself down in the mirror, admiring the wet-faced gentleman before him.

You know what? Fuck Kaoru, I'm gonna rock this. Dinner's gonna be great because Sae already kinda likes me and I'm gonna impress Makoto with how well I handle the kid.

A quick wipe of the rag across his face left Ren ready to step out of the bathroom. Once he did, he was surprised. He didn't find a wasteland—he found the atomic fire that preceded such a wasteland.

Karou blocked Ryuji's view of the television. "I! Hate! You!" he screamed as he stood between the coffee table and the TV. On the other side of the table, Ryuji sat on the couch, waving his arms for the kid to get out of the way.

"Kid, you gotta move. Ren's gonna be done soon and I gotta lose enough for his rank to drop belo- oh, hey Ren."

"You're dropping my rank?"

"Whaaaat?" Ryuji tossed the controller into one of the couch cushions as he held his hands up to proclaim his innocence. "Nah, who said that?"

I'm too focused on my own excellence to care.

"Gimme fooooood!" Kaoru howled. His knees were bent, his stance was wide, and his arms were flexing just like an anime character. Ren nearly saw his carpet disintegrate from Kaoru exceeding the limits of his power level, but his apartment remained fire-free for the time being. "I want fooo-"

"Both of you shut up. I have to say-"

Ryuji wasn't happy about being told to shut up. "I wasn't even saying any-"

"My point stands, so shut the hell up," Ren said. He walked around the couch as he maintained both of the children's attention with his calm demeanor. "This is a nice dinner. Both of you need to be calm and behave. Ryuji, I'm not worried about you. Just stay mostly quiet and you'll be good. But you," Ren said as he advanced on Kaoru. Just as Ryuji had earlier, Ren used his height to intimidate the kid. "You are not allowed to open your mouth once we step foot in that apartment."

"But-"

"No buts. Don't think of saying anything, don't think of my girlfriend, don't think of how angry Ryuji makes you, don't even think about how much you'd rather be with your dad. Don't look at me, don't look at my girlfriend, or her sister, or anything. Matter of fact, just close your eyes the whole time and I'll talk my way around it." He ended off his list of demands with a request for a verbal signature. "Do you understand, Kaoru?"

For the first time that day, Kaoru showed obedience. He bowed his head, demonstrating that the kid could feel normal human emotions besides hatred and rebelliousness. Ren accepted the subdued reaction as compliance and stepped away from Kaoru.

"Good. Now, I'll get you some food."

As soon as Ren turned his back and started to the kitchen, he heard evil incarnate whisper from behind him. "You'll regret talking to me like that, bitch."

Ren stopped walking so he could face three choices.

Choice A: Call social services and have them solve my problem. Choice B: Let it go and not make Kaoru hate me even more. Choice C: Give the same speech all over again.

"Kaoru, you are twelve years old," Ren said. His voice rose in strength as he turned around. Once fully facing Kaoru, he stood his ground. "Do not talk to me like that ever again, and do not even think of doing something like that at dinner. No. Fucking. Swearing! Do you understand?"

Kaoru unintelligibly mumbled as every kid his age did but nodded. Still, Ren knew the lack of eye contact would come back to haunt him. Eye contact meant understanding for children—Kaoru never met Ren's eyes. He shied away from authority.

God damn, what happened to this kid in the past few months? He was a bit of a little shit back when I first babysat him, but now he's gone off the deep end. I know some people promote the idea that kids' behavior is independent of the parents, but I'm gonna agree with the people who blame the parents for shitty kids. Kaoru being a dick is one-hundred-percent Iwai's fault, though I don't know how it happened. Well, I have a guess…

Ren started to walk away to the kitchen when the other child he was babysitting piped up.

"Want me to whip 'em into shape if he acts up at dinner?"

For what Ren desperately wanted to be the last time, he spun around to face Ryuji. With nothing other than the strength of his vocal cords, Ren laid down the law of the dinner table. "Ryuji, do not look at Kaoru, do not think of Kaoru, do not mouth obscenities at Kaoru, do not kick Kaoru from under the table, and do not, under any circumstances call him Kaoru!" Every word made Ren angrier at the fact that he needed to tell the two everything. "His name is Akira and he's my cousin. Okay?"

With wide eyes, Ryuji nodded his head hard enough to shake away all the nerves.

"Alright…" Ren exhaled, hoping to dispel all the stress that he accumulated over the past few minutes. He resumed walking to the kitchen to get Kaoru some delectable bread.

The kid's a pain in the ass, but I'm always down to share in the splendor of brea-

"Hey, Renny?" Ryuji called from behind him.

Ren stopped at the entrance to the kitchen, the pearly gates before heaven. So close, but so far.

Ren's mind unhinged itself from reality as the beginning of a new question broke his back. "What?!" he screamed louder than Kaoru.

With no inflection or expression on his face, Ryuji broke Ren. "Nice hair."

"Fuck you!"

---

Makoto looked up from her frying pan of vegetables at the sound of a knock on the door. "Sis, Ren's here!" she called to Sae's shut bedroom door. She laid her spatula to rest at the side of the pan and walked out of the kitchen. Behind her, she heard Sae open her bedroom door.

Makoto and Sae hadn't spoken much that day. Sae, staying home for the weekend, spent most of her time in her room catching up on work. She did request a movie night, though; a welcome surprise that Makoto had to turn down. GRAVY Saturdays were in full effect and Makoto couldn't back out of one. Instead, she called for a rain check on the movie night.

The last time they spoke to each other that day consisted of Makoto delivering the bad news, if she even considered it that. Maybe 'troubling news' would be better terminology, Makoto thought. Nonetheless, having to tell Sae that Ren was bringing a cousin and an unruly friend went over without applause, celebration, or dancing in the streets.

However, the news didn't rattle Sae, and that was what mattered. Makoto still saw the hope for an enjoyable dinner that would lead to Sae's opinion of Ren improving even more, no matter who sat around the dinner table.

Makoto reached the door. Breathing deeply, she readied herself for the—as Ren said in his text messages—abomination of parenting that would walk through the door. She twisted the knob and pulled the door open to reveal the guests for the evening.

An unplanned gasp escaped her when she saw who stood in front. Ren, with combed hair and fashionable clothes that could be worn to a fancy restaurant, dominated Makoto's vision. That's an… interesting choice in hair. Is it ugly? No, Makoto, you shouldn't think like that. Still… Makoto finally unlocked her eyes from Ren's unsettling hairdo and moved on.

Ryuji's fine. I've never liked that yellow shirt of his, but his outfit could be more offensive. It'll have to do, Makoto thought as she looked down at the final dinner guest. Kaoru, or—as he would be known for the evening—Akira Amamiya, was somewhere in between Ren and Ryuji with his choice of clothing. He wore a navy blue vest over a white long-sleeved shirt with jeans that were a few sizes too big. They were rolled up just above his brown dress shoes.

"Ryuji, Ren," Makoto greeted with a nod. Both of them held up a hand to wave, Ryuji emphasizing it far more than Ren. Makoto directed her gaze to Kaoru. Even though she already knew his fake name for the evening, she still wanted to make sure he would go along with the plan. "And you are?"

The kid averted his eyes down the hallway. "A-Akira." Makoto extended a polite hand, one which the boy returned with trembles quaking through his whole arm.

"Come on in," Makoto said. She moved out of the way as each person stepped into the apartment, bar one. Kaoru held up outside the door just long enough for Makoto to notice. She peeked out the doorway to see Kaoru looking up at the side of the doorframe where the apartment number was. "Akira? Are you coming in?" The boy jumped at her voice but quickly did as Makoto asked.

"Woooaaaah…" Ryuji did a full three-sixty as he took in the apartment. "This place is way nicer than Ren's!"

Makoto glanced over at her sister to make sure the comment didn't offend her. Luckily, Sae only crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. She cleared her throat to get everyone's attention.

"Oh, time for introductions," Makoto said. She led the three over to where Sae stood just next to the dining table. "Ren?"

"Good to see you again, Sae." Ren stepped to the side to allow Ryuji to appeal before the woman, like a peasant coming before a godly queen. "This is Makoto and I's friend, Ryuji Sakamoto. And this," Ren said as he tugged Kaoru over by his skinny left arm, "is Akira, my cousin. He's from… Osaka. His family is visiting the city this week and asked me to babysit him while they have a date night."

Sae leaned over, putting her head only a foot above Kaoru's. Makoto knew a Niijima Death Stare when she saw one. This time, however, she wasn't the one giving or receiving it. She watched as Kaoru's already-struggling confidence shattered beneath Sae's uncaring eyes, forcing him away from her.

Makoto would've considered it cruel if she couldn't tell that Sae knew something the rest of them didn't. Sae always got that look on her face; something halfway between a smirk and a poker face where she pursed her lips enough for her mouth to shift to the side.

"It's very nice to meet you… Akira." Makoto's mind went into panic mode. How could Sae know that Kaoru had a fake name? There was no way her job led her to be so good at reading people that she could discern something so hidden. But, just as soon as Makoto attempted to switch to a plan to abort dinner, Sae stood up straight. She turned to Ryuji. "And you too, Sakamoto-kun."

Ryuji nodded. "Call me Ryuji. It's easier that way," he said.

"Very well." Sae, despite being shorter than Ren, had everyone looking up at her. "Makoto, how long until dinner's ready?"

"Just a few minutes," Makoto said. The reminder sent her on a path to the kitchen, ready to get back to sizzling the veggies.

"Perfect. Ryuji and Ren, you two can set the table." At Sae's orders, the two sprung into action. Makoto kept a laugh to herself; the power she had over Ren was understandable, but the authority she already had over Ryuji was amusing. With barely any words, Sae already hammered it into Ryuji's head that he needed to obey her.

Or, more likely, Ren did it twenty minutes prior back at his apartment because he didn't want Ryuji screwing around. The more Makoto thought about it, the less credence she gave to Sae's intimidation. She gave up on the idea as she resumed cooking the food. Ryuji and Ren arrived in the kitchen, beginning to gather plates, utensils, and napkins from the cupboards.

"And you, Akira… could you put your phone away for a moment?" Sae asked. Makoto looked up to see Sae alone with Kaoru. The boy diverted his attention from his phone, but he didn't put it away.

Makoto hoped Sae wouldn't take that as disrespect this early into the evening. Ren told her that Kaoru was behaviorally challenged. Besides the slight disobedience with the phone, Makoto saw nothing that gave Ren's words any power. In fact, Kaoru came across as shy and socially awkward. He stuttered when meeting Makoto and backed away from Sae.

"You can help Makoto serve dinner when it's ready," Sae told Akira. "Until then, you can relax." As soon as Sae turned around, Kaoru's phone came back up in front of his face. He walked over to the couch, still looking at his phone, and flopped down.

Makoto watched Kaoru's mouth widen as his phone dragged his attention away from the Niijima apartment.

---

Ren's repeated obscenities and orders paid off.

This is going abso-fucking-lutely great. Kaoru hasn't said a thing, Ryuji's been polite, and we're keeping a nice conversation going. Now, we're only halfway done, but I think I might pull this off. Honestly, making this work is one of my biggest achievements.

At the head of the table sat Sae. On the opposite side was Kaoru, but he didn't have the luxury of sharing corners with Ryuji and Makoto as Sae did. Instead, Kaoru only had Ren on one side while his other side was left empty.

"Ryuji, you're in the same club as Makoto and Ren. Correct?" Sae said. She pointed her fork as she spoke, lowering it back to her plate as soon as her question ended.

Ryuji, as told by Ren numerous times on their way to the apartment, swallowed his food before he responded. "That's right. We've got a good thing goin'."

"I still can't get over the fact that it's a gardening club." Sae laughed at her own remark, or at the absurdity of the situation. Ren agreed with her and found that fact even funnier, he just got too used to it to laugh. "Makoto always came home from her junior high science classes complaining that plant structure was the most useless thing she would ever learn."

"I stand by that," Makoto said. "In not one of my classes have I needed to know about tree cell structures. Everything taught in school is important, but that one unit is something I cannot stand." Her distaste for plant biology was stated with a normal smile. Ren saw nostalgia in how she remembered the class, even if she hated it.

Sae retorted with the obvious. "Yet you joined a gardening club."

"I did. I'll admit that most of us don't garden too much. Every once in a while we'll get our hands dirty."

"Then what does your club do?"

"Well…" Makoto paused. A glance towards Ren invited him to answer the question that was made for him, yet he stayed silent.

GRAVY's just a way for me to get around school regulations when I need to while giving me and my friends a way to hang out at school. That's about it. Merch coming soon.

"You can follow us at TheGRAVeYard on Shujinstagram for daily updates on our current projects, and for a more-" Ren's automatic advertisement was cut short.

"Yeah, yeah. That's the lame answer," Ryuji interrupted. He wiped his mouth with a napkin as everyone at the table turned to him, except for Kaoru. The boy finished eating a few minutes ago and attempted to stealthily use his phone under the table. Everyone knew what he was doing, he only thought he was getting away with it. "GRAVY's a group of misfits, the kids who aren't popular around the school. We're the ones people whisper about, so we made a club to block out everyone else and keep to ourselves. GRAVY's not a club, it's just a group of friends doing things their own way."

That was… far better than anything I could've said. How the hell am I the club leader, and Ryuji can do a better job at marketing GRAVY than me? I oughta step my game up.

"You sound very dedicated," Sae commented. As she poked around her food, she kept her eyes on Ryuji. Ren knew what she was doing—a test, an analysis of Ryuji's character. She did it to Ren more than a few times, and now he got to watch it happen to someone else.

"Oh, I am." Ryuji doubled down on his love for GRAVY. "GRAVY's given me somewhere to be comfortable at school. It's given me friends I would've never met. Without it… I'd be wasting my high school years, honestly. Ren, and Makoto, have done something really special."

Okay, he's bullshitting. He's gotta be bullshitting. He's just trying to be a good wingman and make me look good for Sae. I appreciate it, and Ryuji's a real friend for that, but it's unnecessary.

A smile slipped through the cracks as it widened on Sae's face. She finally looked away from Ryuji as she gathered more of her dinner for another bite. Silence prevailed as Sae chewed, long enough for her to swallow and open her mouth once more. "Ryuji, I must say that-"

"Ah, eff!" Ryuji yelled out at the dinner table. Makoto bobbled her fork, Ren's jaw almost dropped and spilled food everywhere, and Sae's fork paused on the way back down to her plate. As soon as Ryuji realized his mistake, he slouched in his chair. "Er… sorry." He glanced towards Ren, only to see his friend's fury and look away.

You fucker… you ruined it. How could you? Unless Satan is poking a hole through the ground and this apartment building to stick a pitchfork up his ass, Ryuji's got no excuse.

Surprisingly, Sae spoke first after the slip-up. "Is everything alright?"

Ryuji sat up. Ren saw surprise write itself across Ryuji's face, his eyebrows standing tall. "Again, I'm so, so sorry, but I bit down on my food wrong and hit a tooth that's really been irking me today." Ryuji pressed a finger to the back of his cheek and winced. His eyes shut with pain and opened with clarity. "My bad. Seriously. I don't usually do-"

"I'm surprised," Sae interrupted. "Makoto told me you were vulgar, but you censored yourself."

She's not killing him? I know she let me get away with swearing, but I never did something like that at the dinner table. Hallucinating a cat taking a shit on the carpet, sure, but I've never yelled like Ryuji.

"Oh, yeah." Ryuji sat forward, apparently eager to explain himself. "I guess I do swear a lot, but I'll never say the actual f-word."

"Why not?"

"My mom cried for a full day when she heard me say it one time."

"That's… very admirable."

"Why thank y-" Ryuji began, only to stop when three rapid knocks came from the apartment door. Everyone turned around to look. Even Kaoru set his phone down to check what the fuss, or the lack of fuss, was about.

Makoto stood up as another set of knocks shot through the apartment. "That's strange."

That's an understatement. There's a very short list of people who go to the Niijima apartment, and all three of those people are already here. Who could it be…?

The group stayed sitting, letting Makoto go to the door alone. Whatever they expected, it didn't compel them enough to stand. In all likelihood, a door-to-door salesman somehow got past the front desk and made it up the elevator. Ren would settle for being disappointed as usual.

Instead of disappointment, Ren received the worst sight of his life. Makoto began opening the door, slowly enough that Ren could see past it inch by inch. As soon as it opened a foot wide—enough for him to completely see past—his hope of a successful evening threw itself off a mountain after staring evil in the eye.

A line of twelve-year-old boys, all in similar uniforms to Kaoru, streamed through the door. "Haha, we made it!" one yelled. It seemed that Kaoru wasn't the exception for squeaky voices. The rest of the group, at least ten in number, hooted and hollered as they looked around the expensive apartment.

Their elation was undercut by Ren's fury. His arm shot out to his right, his fingers biting into Kaoru's arm. "What the fuck did you do?" he growled under his breath.

Kaoru tried to shake his arm away, but his eyes locked with Ren. "I told you that you'd regret talking to me like that." The boy shrugged as if throwing an impromptu party with a bunch of twelve-year-olds was a reasonable consequence.

"You… you evil little fucker." Ren's mouth got the best of him as he kept his insults quiet. "Does your dad put up with this?"

"No."

"Then why should I?"

"Because you're a total pussy," Kaoru said. He slid out of his seat, leaving his uncleaned plate behind, and joined his friends over in front of the TV.

Ren turned back to the stunned faces of Sae, Makoto, and Ryuji. "Uh…" He searched lands far and wide for an excuse of any kind. No matter what he thought of, no sequence of words in Japanese, Arabic, Latin, or Hebrew would make sense with what just happened. "I told you the kid's evil."

"That is an understatement," Sae said. She pointed over to the TV area, prompting Ren and the others to follow her gaze. In front of the TV, Kaoru stood over the rest by balancing atop a misplaced footrest.

"Gentlemen! I've called this convening for a single purpose! Tonight, we join here, the apartment of our gracious host, Sae Niijima, to celebrate!" Kaoru certainly knew how to work a crowd. The boys waved their fists in the air as they cheered and clapped. "We will celebrate my early birthday by raging!"

"Eh, raging's not too bad. We can handle that," Ryuji said with his arms crossed. He still didn't see the problem with Kaoru gathering a mob of twelve-year-olds so suddenly that nobody could object. "Now, if they decided to go apeshit, then we'd have a problem. Thankfully, there's a zero percent chance they'll go apeshit"

"We will celebrate by going apeshit!"

"Well…" Ren watched as Ryuji splayed his formerly crossed arms out on the table as he stated the truth to Sae. "Looks like your apartment is fucked."

"I thought you didn't use that word."

"If any time called for it, this is the one." Ryuji patted Sae on the shoulder as if she was a long-time friend of his. "Sorry."

"No matter who tells us to stop, no matter what our host says—because she already promised us a party—we will go crazy!" Kaoru screamed at the top of his lungs. The dictator-in-the-making stepped off the ottoman and dropped to the floor as his friends mobbed him.

"Okay," Ren said as he stood up from the table. He looked down upon the confused, helpless faces of his friends, plus the one who would murder him in the near future. Ren assumed that Sae's fury laid beneath the surface, luring him in with a false sense of security only to meet him with a roundhouse kick to the temple. "I'm gonna go make a phone call."

Instead of letting Ren walk away in silence, Sae did the same thing as him. She stood up from her seat. "I will do the same." Before Ren could even accuse her of biting his exit strategy, Sae pushed her chair in and retreated to her room. The lock on her bedroom door clicked to signal her fully checking out of her apartment.

Fuck. I was hoping Sae would take charge while I figure something out away from all the noise. With her gone, Ryuji and Makoto are gonna have to watch over the apartment… shit.

"Ryuji, you gotta distract the kids while Makoto keeps the apartment in order and I make a phone call. Can you do that?"

"Yeah…" Ryuji blankly stared past Ren and at the crowd of boys. One of them was lifting a plant in a vase high above his head, screeching cries of conquest. "I got a good idea."

I don't like the way he said that.

"I swear to GRAVY… Ryuji, what's your idea?"

As Makoto scurried away from the table to somehow keep the vase on the ground, Ryuji stood. "I'll have 'em play Seven Bottoms Up."

The thought of eleven twelve-year-olds, already believing that they had complete freedom, cranked up on caffeine and sugar... Sae's apartment would burn to the ground within the hour if Ryuji got through even just one round of Seven Bottoms Up.

"No! Do anything but that!" Ren urgently said to Ryuji. He felt his stress returning to the levels of earlier, but now he had no power. Desperately, he needed to escape the crowded living room so he could make his phone call.

"Huh? How else am I supposed to distract them?"

"Fuck if I know! Just don't use caffeine, and keep them from destroying the place. Hell, tell 'em you got mono and start spitting everywhere if you need to!" Ren's stress accelerated what he considered his time limit to an inconceivably short time. Talking to Ryuji a second longer would be the difference between fiery death or dispelling the horde from the apartment. Ren started walking away from the dinner table as soon as he wrapped up his orders.

"If you say so…"

Shit! Ryuji's gonna take that literally!

"I was exaggerating, Ryuji!" Ren called back as he jogged across the apartment floor. Next to him, the boys started a shirtless five-versus-five wrestling league with one referee. They screamed, clawed, and bit at each other in a writhing mass of youth. Ren's stress increased to the point where his train of thought tried to run him over.

You've really done it. This is the worst possible scenario, and you somehow steered yourself here. It's like captaining a ship off the end of a flat-fucking-earth because it's not. Fucking. Possible!

Just as Ren had done when he believed himself insane over the summer, he raced into the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind him. He heard the wall of voices echo all the way through the building, tipping him off that more than a few neighbors would be sharing in the unpleasantness.

"Put that down, please!" Makoto yelled, followed by high-pitched laughter.

Why can't Sae just battle them? What's that one hypothetical question—how many ten-year-olds could you fight before they take you down? I wouldn't do too well, but you don't know until you try it…

Ren's hand shook as he slid his phone out of his pocket. He dialed one of his most recent contacts and pressed the phone to his ear.

"Iwai, you slut, pick up the-"

Static popped as the line opened. "It's me," Iwai said in his gruff voice.

"Iwai, you asshole! Your kid just turned into Benito fucking Mussolini and started a wrestling league at my girlfriend's apartment!"

"Heh…" Iwai chuckled to himself as if Ren hadn't just said the most ludicrous sentence spoken since the inception of language. "He's a real spunky one, huh?"

"What?! No, he's not spunky, this kid is evil ! He told his friends that we're having a party just to spite me!"

"Well, did you talk down to him?"

"How is that rele-"

"Ren!" Iwai yelled, stopping Ren's sentence. He slowed down his words to get the truth out of Ren. "Did you talk down to him?"

"Yeah, a little, but that's because he was already misbehaving!"

"See? That's your problem. Can't talk down to a kid like Kaoru."

"Thanks for the advice as I'm hiding from the apocalypse in a bathroom."

"No problem." Iwai let the line stay silent as he missed the point of Ren's sarcasm.

"Iwai! How am I supposed to deal with this?"

"I dunno… you're the babysitter. Other babysitters solve problems like these."

"Wha- no, they don't!"

"Then you've had some shit babysitters, kid." Iwai cleared his throat, sending a blast of static through Ren's phone. Ren winced at the explosion of noise but kept his ear to the phone. The fate of the world depended on it. "Sorry, but I gotta bounce. Meeting with someone for business."

"Wait, Iwai! I just need-" The line clicked, and Ren was left alone in the bathroom. No Doctor Ryuji, no Bob Ross Yusuke, and no Executioner Haru to keep him company.

I wish I was tripping. I wish the problem only existed within my head, but no… there's a group of middle schoolers having a mosh pit in the living room.

Opening the bathroom door added clarity to the noises Ren heard through the walls. Kids continued to scream and cheer at the unmistakable sound of feet beating against a hollow floor. Ren walked around the corner expecting the championship match of the wrestling league he witnessed but found something completely new.

Ryuji, surrounded on both sides by an extending line of kids, stood in front of the TV. One of the kids had propped their phone up against the black screen to take a video of the line.

Ryuji… is dancing. He's doing Zik Zuk dances on video! I'm never letting him talk shit to me again, this is the worst thing to ever happen to GRAVY.

Matching the twelve-year-olds around him, Ryuji went through a sequence of easy, simple dance moves that required zero effort. He clapped his hands, waved them side to side, then rolled his spine like it was doing the wave. Ren shielded his poor, suffering eyes from the traumatizing sight.

I'd tell him to stop, but the fact that he's doing it in the first place—he's too far gone. Ryuji can't be saved.

"Where were you?" Makoto asked, walking up with a painting larger than her in hand. It blocked off everything except for her face, and she wasn't even kind enough to show Ren the side with the actual painting. Ren had a disappointing view of Makoto's head atop the backside of a canvas and frame.

"I called Iwai." Ren shook his head as he watched Ryuji start shaking his ass for the camera. Even the twelve-year-olds were appalled. "He wasn't any help. Have they destroyed anything yet?"

"Ryuji's kept them occupied, but one did try to steal a painting. Sae's nowhere to be found."

"Did you try getting through her door?"

"She's not responding."

"Fuck…" Ren turned back to Makoto. She wouldn't look at him, only at the carnage taking place in her living room. "Makoto, I'm sorry. I should've canceled."

"What? No, Ren. Canceling would've been way, way worse. That would make sis angry at you."

"You say that as if she won't kill me for this," Ren said, waving his hand over to the Zik Zuk dance crew.

"She won't." Makoto glanced at the locked door to Sae's bedroom, then returned to Ren. "Not yet, at least."

So we don't know that she's not gonna kill me… great.

"Whatever. Let's just focus on trying to send everyone home. Okay?" At Makoto's nod, Ren turned away from her and walked over to the dancing line of children, plus Ryuji. "Alright!" he boomed over new audio that they were dancing to. They all groaned as soon as a few of them stopped dancing to listen, ruining the video in the process. "All of you, except for Kaoru, need to leave. Now."

The audio stopped as the video paused on its own. With nobody moving, the group of twelve-year-olds stared up at Ren in silence.

Silence is compliance, am I right?

"Get the tar."

"Excuse me? What the f-" The horde advanced on Ren. Immediately, hands dug into his ankles and wrists. Violently, without care or thought given to how he felt, Ren was pulled backward and held down on the floor. His back pressed against the cold wood that would soon be stained with the blood of ritual sacrifice.

You know, none of this would have happened if I wasn't such a controlling bitch earlier. If I hadn't tried to force perfection for the night, we'd be fine. Sure, there'd be a stumble or two along the way, but I wouldn't be on the verge of becoming a pile of flesh for some unholy being. Wait, that's right! They're not gonna sacrifice me, they're just getting "the tar,"… whatever that implies.

Where do twelve-year-olds get tar? What would they use it for? Why am I asking these questions while my limbs are pinned and the number of kids I've defeated is zero?

No questions resulted in answers; only more screams in Ren's face. The kids not holding Ren's thrashing body against the ground danced around him, Ryuji among them. "Ryuji! What the fuck are you doing?!" His brainwashing by Zik Zuk dances went too far. Nothing but TV static and white noise went through Ryuji's head.

I'm gonna die, and I haven't even fought off one twelve-year-old… oh, the humiliation!

"Everyone!" A voice took hold of the apartment. The wood beneath Ren vibrated with its echoes as the grabbing hands and annoyingly high screaming ceased. Ren shook free of his captors and stood up, rising out of a sea of short heads to see Sae Niijima breaking free from her self-imposed exile. She strutted over to the group of kids with fire in her eyes and a scrap of paper in her hand. "Unless all of you leave at this moment, I will notify Principal Ishimoto, who happens to be a personal friend. Your expulsions, as well as permanent blemishes to your records, will be swift!"

If there was one thing that Japan's work-oriented culture did, it was hammer that concept into the youth. While torturing an innocent, hard-working, respectable, good-willed, funny, fascinating, elegant, beautiful, endearing, and self-centered young man was okay, ruining their futures was not. As quickly as they pushed their way through the door to enter, the boys scrambled over and around the couch for the door.

"Run for it!"

All ran out the door, except for one—two, counting Ryuji as the traitorous child he had regressed to. Kaoru remained next to Ren, calling out to his friends as they left him behind. "N-no, wait! I don't wanna be alone!" No matter how much Kaoru disrespected Ren or rejected the idea of him as a babysitter, he still stayed when he could've easily run out of the apartment. "Make the scary lady go away, Ren," Kaoru said as he scooted closer to Ren.

He still is just a dumb little kid, huh? That said… fuck off, Kaoru.

Ryuji chimed in. "Yeah, Ren. Make the scary lady go away." His lack of sarcasm reminded Ren that the Ryuji of old was completely gone, replaced by a mental twelve-year-old.

It's probably from the hair dye seeping into his brain, or some shit.

"You are seventeen years old, man," Ren said, his lips pursed and his words quiet to let Sae take control over the situation. Ryuji seemed to internalize the idea of him not being a twelve-year-old, stepping away from Ren and sitting down in one of the armchairs.

"The same goes for you, too, Kaoru." Sae's advance continued until she stood over the now-pitiable. He managed to look up, only for a second, to be slapped back down by Sae. "Your mother will be ashamed when I tell her what you did." That brought his head up once again, but his posture changed.

Kaoru's teary eyes admitted defeat to Sae, Ren, and Makoto. The dictator fell from his high horse, all the way down into the clutches of Sae Niijima. Ren had no clue how she did it, so easily, too, but she did. That was all that mattered.

"P-please don't tell my m-mom," Kaoru said. Teary eyes became choked sobs as the boy's composure dissolved into thin air.

Justice… I mean, a kid crying is a terrible thing, but he just tried to incite a riot!

"I will tell your mom, Kaoru. I'll tell her how you treated your babysitter, how you disrespected me and my sister, and how you can't even hold yourself accountable. Now that I think about it, a list like that constitutes a change in custody. How would you like to live with your mother?"

"No!"

"Then leave. Ryuji will take you back to your father, and that will be the end of it."

"Okay!" Kaoru, as soon as he could, spun away from Sae's cold glare and ran over to the solemn Ryuji. It seemed that near-adulthood pushed out all the hair dye in his brain because his sanity seemed to return. "Can we go?" The boy tugged on Ryuji's sleeve.

"Yeah, just…" Ryuji stood up, looking at Ren. After a brief pause, he extended an open hand. "I'm sorry, man."

Without hesitating, Ren shook his friend's hand. "I'm sorry, too."

Ryuji's face contorted. "But- agh, ya know what? We'll talk about it later. Gotta exorcize this demon first, right?" Ryuji took his turn to tug on Kaoru's sleeve. "C'mon. Don't tell your dad we didn't do nice things for you, because you're lucky she didn't chop your head off." He led Kaoru towards the door. For some reason, Ren expected a wave goodbye that still showed a sign of hope for the kid.

It never came. Kaoru ducked out the door as Ryuji shrugged. The two were gone a moment later, and Ren was left with the Niijimas.

Wait… I'm alone with them?! Shit! Gotta run, gotta hide, gotta-

Makoto jumped into the awkwardness headfirst. "How about a movie night?" She was fast; fast enough to catch Sae and Ren off guard.

I sense an ulterior motive… an obvious one, too. She's gonna put on Sae's favorite movie so she doesn't tear my head and spinal cord from my body then wave it around like a trophy, right?

"Tonight? It's already getting late, and-" Sae stopped mid-sentence to look around what she thought would be the ruins of her apartment. Instead, she was greeted with one unharmed painting leaning against the wall instead of hanging and the food from earlier still on the dinner table. "Nevermind. The mess isn't so bad, but I-"

"You pick the movie, sis!" Makoto continued her rapid pace of distraction. Much like Ryuji did with Kaoru, Makoto grabbed Ren by the sleeve and led him to the couch, pushing him down and then dropping next to him.

Oh, thank Bob Ross Yusuke that Makoto put me at the end and then sat in the middle. I cannot sit next to Sae and feel safe now, maybe ever again.

Sae sighed as she looked down at Makoto. "I can't escape this, can I?"

Makoto laughed. "Why would you?"

"Alright." Sae smiled as she sat down, scaring Ren even more. She had to be plotting something, surely. She couldn't just leave Ren with his head or without his ears ringing. It wouldn't be right. "What do you say to watching-"

---

Fellowship of the Bling is a good movie, obviously, but I'm more concerned with the fact that Sae's a total nerd if this is her favorite movie. Me? I'm more of a Two Toe-Rings kinda guy.

'Fellowship of the Bling' was part of a trilogy of fantasy films about jewelry, and who had the most drip in Middle Earth. Ren guessed Sae's favoritism for it came from a similar thing to watching reality TV; viewers lived vicariously through much more successful and extravagant people. At least, that must've been why she liked it because Ren thought the story was fucking garbage.

He had a right to think that way because he read the books.

They took out all the cool parts, but the movie isn't really for me. Teenage guys aren't too into jewelry.

It seemed that teenage girls weren't interested either. Not even thirty minutes into the movie, Makoto relinquished her attention to the comfy pillow of Ren's shoulder. Perhaps she didn't care that Sae sat right next to them, perhaps she wanted her sister to see.

Perhaps she just wanted to ensure that Sae couldn't viciously maul Ren while she slept. The only one who knew the truth was Makoto.

Ah, me and my bullshit. As if Makoto has some hidden reason to fall asleep on my shoulder besides that she's tired.

"She looks comfortable," Sae said from the other side of the couch. Ren turned his head, leaning back a little so his chin wouldn't bump Makoto. He found Sae watching him.

"Oh, uh… yep. She is," Ren said. Sae didn't leave him many options for ways to respond, so he tossed out vague responses until Sae seemed satisfied. "I think."

"You'll have to thank her for rescuing you when she wakes up."

"What?"

"Why do you think she rushed us into a three-hour movie? She thinks I'm pissed at you."

"I think you're pissed at me."

"Does it seem like it?"

"No, but you have enough of a reasonable motive that a judge would let you off for murder."

Sae smirked. "I'm not angry at you."

"I find that hard to believe." Ren's head leaned backward, letting him look up at the ceiling as he listed off the day's accomplishments. "I brought a circus of kids to your apartment and I wasn't even the one to kick them out. If you hadn't helped…"

"Then you'd be tarred and feathered."

"So that's what it was…"

"Did you really think that twelve-year-olds had tar? Tell me you didn't believe them."

"Hey, you get held down by a bunch of screaming kids and you'll believe anything," Ren said, getting an amused hum from Sae. They both watched the TV for a moment, then resumed their conversation. "How'd you do it? Kick them out, I mean. You had them running whereas they jumped on me."

Sae waved her hand. "All you have to do to keep kids under control is remind them that you're smarter than them, or at least make them think that. Kaoru didn't listen to you because he believed himself better than you. That's the root of it."

"Did you actually know their principal?"

"No, but several of them had their school patches on their vests and I looked up their principal. You didn't notice?" When Ren shook his head, Sae rolled her eyes. "Maybe that's why Kaoru thought he was smarter than you."

"He is because he managed to ruin tonight, no matter how much I tried to fix it."

"Ruined? This is far from ruined. We have a shared struggle, now. We can relate to each other." In no way did Ren agree, but Sae letting him off the hook was not something to protest. "It would be ruined if we postponed."

"I don't see what's so bad about that. We could have a normal dinner, enjoy our food, then-"

"Don't you dare cancel plans on Makoto or me." Sae's face dropped along with the tone of her voice. "Ever."

Okay, bad move, Ren. Change the subject or run for your life.

"Got it. I won't cancel, even if Kaoru wants to come back for round two." Ren latched onto the first thing he could come up with to change Sae's mood. "Speaking of, how'd you know he was Kaoru? The cousin thing was foolproof."

"A friend from law school is Iwai's divorce lawyer. I've known who Kaoru is longer than you have." As the full implication of that dawned on Ren, Sae smirked at his ignorance. "I'm disappointed—I thought you could come up with a more amusing story than him just being your cousin."

Ren kept his voice quiet to not make Makoto, but he let it out as harshly as he could. "You knew the whole time?!"

Sae nodded, laughing at the absurdity. "That makes it my fault for allowing it to continue. Watching you dig yourself into more of a hole as the night went on was amusing."

That's so… fucking awesome! God, I want to be like Sae.

"You never really let go of the night's reigns, did you?"

"It was never a concern," Sae said. "This is my apartment. Do you think I'd let some kids take over?"

"Well, when they were going to sacrifice me, I had more than a few doubts."

"That's your mistake then."

Ren returned his gaze to the TV. On the screen, one of the characters just showed off a new outfit to the rest of the fellowship. Another character, devious and driven by greed, leaped onto the character with the new outfit. They clawed and clawed to take the clothes for themself.

Sae and Ren sat, watching the scene play out.

I still have a hard time processing that this is Sae's favorite movie. You'd think it'd be like Makoto, where she's into crime dramas, but nope. Maybe it's leftover nostalgia for her childhood. That's how a lot of people's favorite movies come to be, I suppose. I wonder what Kaoru's favorite movie is?

"I think tonight might have scared me into never having kids," Ren blurted. He felt oddly comfortable around Sae. Perhaps that was the 'shared struggle' she mentioned talking for him.

"Are you sure? I think you'd be a good parent."

"You just watched me get absolutely bitched on by a bunch of twelve-year-olds."

Sae laughed. "I meant that you have potential, even if most of it is unrealized." Sae's elbow rested on the support of the couch, bending so she could lay her head in her palm. For once, she looked human, instead of the divine presence that Ren was always looking up at no matter how tall he was. "But you'll have to get a lot smarter, or better at pretending to be smart first."

"I'll think about that."

"What?" Sae's eyes jumped open in surprise. "Jesus, no, please don't take that to heart. You aren't even done with high school. Don't remember this conversation for another fifteen years."

So… that kinda-sorta-basically implies that I may be with Makoto in fifteen years and then-

"Did you just give me the go-ahead to have kids with Makoto?"

Sae's surprise died by a sudden gunshot, replaced with a deadpan look of disbelief. "I think you need to get the fuck out of my apartment before your goodwill runs out."

Ren was already on it. "I think that's a good idea," he said as he slid Makoto's head from his shoulder to a couch cushion. He gently laid her down so she extended across the couch, her feet almost hitting her sister. He considered a goodbye kiss, but the thin ice beneath him cracked at the thought. Instead, Makoto would have to settle for a blanket being draped over her.

Once done with Makoto, Ren started for the door.

"Oh, Ren?" Sae said from behind him. He turned around without stress, but with calmness. He had leveled with Sae; gotten closer with her to the point where he feared her far less, even when she was angry at him. Maybe her idea of a shared struggle really did exist. "It's a good thing those kids roughed you up."

"Why's that?"

"Because they fixed your hair for you."

"Come on, I liked it."

"If you want to date my sister, you have to set a higher standard than whatever that was."

"Well, I…" Ren wanted to protest. He thought highly of his rush job for his hair. If Sae didn't like it, she could go fu- actually, she didn't have to do that. Ren remembered how long his hair was in the back and how the part of his hair looked like he was balding down the side. Sae was right. "Your opinion is noted."

"Good. Now, have a good night."

"Thanks. You too," Ren said.

He opened the door and left the Niijima apartment with no new scars to show for it—only a slightly better hair-do.