Chapter 17

today's january 14th so HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JACOB BLACK! u suck sometimes but for some reason i love you anyway lol
posting this chapter in his honor, hope u enjoy :)

The next day, Bella lay in her bed for a good ten minutes before getting up. Morning sunlight peeked through the shafts of her window panes as she stared at the ceiling.

She wanted to see Jacob again, that was for sure. Maybe spend a couple more days with him and talk about everything before they became something else. If they did.

But something was different about that day. She didn't exactly know what it was, but it was there. It hung in the air heavy and uncomfortable. She felt it all around her, some dark omen, as she got up and got dressed.

Bella sat in her room chewing an apple for an inordinately long amount of time before picking up the piece of paper she had tossed in the wastepaper basket yesterday night. She looked at it long and hard, then crumpled it between her fingers. She'd feel it out and tell him all that when the time was right.

She felt a lot better after deciding that. Then she went downstairs.

Bella leaned against the kitchen counter, the twisted look on Jacob's face just before he drove away running through her mind. She wondered if she hurt him horribly by rejecting the kiss. She didn't mean to, she might've even accepted it if it wasn't so unexpected. She might even tell him that, today.

But then again, what should she say?

Charlie was gone already, so she left a note like she always did. Gone to Jake's, it read, I'll back before dinner.

Bella always promised that, but it rarely happened. Sometimes she like to help cook for Billy and Jacob instead of hearing them order fast food for the fifth time that week. Charlie had just learnt to expect her home any time, roughly before ten.

She felt bad for her father. She could only help so many lousy cooks at once. It felt like a catch-22. But Charlie had lots of cookbooks and a fridge full of leftovers. She could make sure there was food, both cooked and uncooked, in the house before leaving, but counting on Jacob to feed himself properly was another story. He was as typical as typical can be, and in her opinion a human being couldn't survive on hamburgers and soda alone. So she would nag him until he agreed to stuff some salad in his mouth. It wasn't her job, sure. But she liked doing it. Besides the fact that it was fun to win Jake over with something she made herself, it was kind of an exchange for letting her crash at their house the entire day almost all the time.

Her mind made up, she was about to step out of the house when the phone rang, piercing trills cutting through the silence of the house one after another.

Bella paused, foot out the door. She guessed she had to go back.

She kicked off her shoes and walked to the kitchen, a bit annoyed. Snatching the phone out of its cradle, she held it against her ear.

"Hello?" she said, her words a little more brisk than intended.

"Hello, Bella." It was Billy.

Billy never called the house. Hm. Had something happened down at the reservation?

She gripped the phone tightly, her fingers drumming against the kitchen counter. "Hi."

Billy cleared his throat roughly. Then he spoke, his voice wary. "I don't think it's the best idea for you to come over today."

"Why not?" she asked before he had even finished his sentence. It might be rude, she didn't care. His words hurt like a knife to the heart. It was as if she had gone through hell to say goodbye to Jacob last night and all she wanted was to be around him again. Now apparently she couldn't even do that.

"Jake's not feeling well right now." The delivery was flat. Billy clearly wanted her to agree and the call to be over as quickly as possible.

Jake was sick? "Why didn't he call me?" Bella asked, getting a bit irritated. She also felt a bit defensive now, and she knew it had something to do with the conversation in the car last night.

"He's too sick to call," he said tonelessly.

Too sick to call. That was serious. Fear seized her heart. "Do you know what he's sick with?"

"Best guess is mono." He sounded distant now, like he was away from the phone.

Bella frowned. Wasn't mono a kissing disease? Who was Jake swapping spit with? Actually, not almost, like he'd almost-done with her?

She wanted to yell at Billy to come back over and tell her everything, answer her questions. Then she realized that he must want to be next to his son right now. If Jake was really that sick, he'd need company. If only she could reach through the phone and materialize in the room, too. But if she couldn't materialize, maybe she could visit sometime later. Sometime soon.

"Let me know if you need any help," she offered. "I can come down any time." The thought of Billy, stuck in his wheelchair, and Jake unwell and having to fend for himself was bad itself.

"No, no," Billy interrupted quickly. "We're fine. Stay at your place. Please."

Bella was a bit taken aback. She and Billy had never really talked that much, but he'd always been nice to her. He had certainly never spoken to her like this before. Something about his answer was too sudden, too clipped. And why would he say please like that? Like he was begging?

"Okay," she agreed, even though she didn't want to.

"Goodbye, Bella."

She was about to say it back when the line disconnected, leaving Bella standing there, crestfallen on the landing with the phone in hand. She shoved it back into the cradle with more spite than necessary, muttering a low "Bye." and stared at the wall for a good thirty seconds, processing.

What was she supposed to do now? He could take days to recover, and all the newfound courage to tell Jake everything she felt would have slowly wasted away by then.

What's important is that he's healthy, she reminded herself. Everything else can come later. She'd had no issue pushing it further back until now. She just had to do that for a little while longer.

But she wanted to hear his voice so bad it almost hurt.

She leaned against a kitchen cabinet and started watching the clock, in hopes of another call. Maybe Jake wanted to talk. Maybe he missed her, too.

The longer hand of the clock took an agonizingly long time to pull itself into place every sixty seconds. Each tick was a reminder of what had almost happened and what she couldn't do—which was go to him.

Five minutes had passed when she decided the clock was mocking her. She dragged her eyes away and they fell upon the phone again.

After all, who was to say she shouldn't take the initiative and call him? The fear that Billy would pick up the phone shrank in comparison to the hope that Jake might. If he could even stand up, that was.

Her hand inched toward the phone and settled on its smooth, rounded surface. Then she dropped it. She should wait a while longer. She didn't want to seem needy.

She watched the clock again as the minutes ticked by. Five. Ten. Each minute seemed to pass by slower than the previous. Thirteen minutes. Bella picked up the phone and dialed their number.

It rang and rang until she started to lose hope. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe she'd dialed wrong. Maybe he didn't want to talk to her.

She tried again, almost desperately.

On the eighth ring, just as she was about to hang up, someone answered.

"Billy, it's me, Bella? Listen, I'm sorry for calling again but please can I speak to Jake? I really, really want to talk to him," she blurted, before she could stop herself. The thought hadn't crossed her mind until now, but she might be infected too. But that didn't matter right now.

Someone cleared their throat at the other end of the line. "Bella," came a faint whisper.

Her heart leaped at the sound of his hoarse voice, relief flooding her. "Jake?"

She had to strain her ears to hear him.

"Bella?" It was a question now.

"Yeah, it's me."

He coughed then, a dry hacking cough."Hey," he breathed.

"Hi," she said.

"I miss you," he said weakly. His weary voice was broken, cracking on random syllables.

But he missed her. That was nice to hear. Happiness swelled inside of her and she held the phone closer to her ear. "I miss you too. Are you okay? Getting better?"

"No. I feel awful. I'm so dizzy," he croaked.

"I'm sorry," she said sympathetically. "That sounds horrible." He sounded horrible too, like a bullhorn frog.

"I feel horrible," he whispered. He coughed again. She could tell he was exhausted, and his voice shook like he was about to cry.

She wanted to comfort him, to wrap her arms around him and press her face to his chest and tell him it would all be okay, that she was there for him. The best she could do was touch the phone as if it was his face, hoping that all her comfort could flow through the airwaves.

"Oh, Jake, it'll be okay!" she promised. She couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I dunno." The hopelessness in his voice wrenched her in the gut.

"I shouldn't have let you come with me last night," she said.

"You regret it?" Jacob's dead voice was laced with something, despondent but calculated. Of course there was nothing to regret, but she had to answer carefully.

"You didn't have a coat," she said. "and now you're sick."

"You didn't have one either," he pointed out.

"I had you." It was another catch-22, she supposed.

"I forced you into letting me take you," he reminded her, his voice barely above a whisper. "Don't blame yourself."

"You'll get better soon," Bella promised. "I know you will."

"I hope so." he said. "Are you sick?" he asked a moment later.

"No. I didn't even catch a chill. Thanks to you."

"That's good. Don't be like me, kids."

Bella smiled slightly. "Get some medicine and you'll probably be better in a few days," she encouraged.

"I don't think so. It's not the normal kind of sick. I feel deathly. My legs and arms hurt like hell."

She wanted to believe he was exaggerating. "Don't you have mono?" she asked, confused. That was what Billy had told her. She'd be relieved to know that he didn't, but if it wasn't mono, what was it?

"No. This is something else. Something worse."

That sounded horribly morbid. "The flu?"

"No."

"Then what is it? What's wrong? Tell me, Jake."

"Everything," he whispered dully. "Every part of me hurts." His low voice grated on her ears and the pain accented in his tone was nearly tangible.

"What can I do?" she asked. She had to do something. Anything was better than staying around at home, useless.

"Nothing. You can't come here. Sorry." His abrupt answer reminded her of Billy, with his gruff voice and strange behavior.

"I want to help!" Bella insisted. "I don't want you to be sick like this and by yourself. And I've probably already been exposed to whatever you have," she pointed out. Remember? The almost-kiss? she wanted to tell him.

They were both silent for a moment. Then when he finally spoke, his voice had a unfamiliar, bitter edge to it. "I'll call you when I can, and let you know when you can come visit here again."

This was it. They were about to hang up. She could tell him everything, right here, right now. It was a bit reckless, he was sick, but it'd make him happy right? It might even help him get well, she didn't know.

Anything could happen.

"I want to tell you something," she said hurriedly.

"I have to go." His urgent announcement came at the same time hers did.

No one spoke then, and it was like all the air had been sucked out of Bella's lungs.

A rush of blood pounded in her ears as the seconds of silence passed. She balled her hands into tiny fists by her sides, the nails lancing into her palms and turning them a muted white.

She didn't want to tell him she was waiting for him to say goodbye, but he waited too.

"Please call me when you feel better," she finally said.

"Okay," he agreed. "Thanks."

She hadn't done anything. That was the joke of it all.

"Wait for me to call," he said again. "Okay?" He waited until she promised to.

"I'll see you soon," she told him. "Bye, Jake."

"Bella," he whispered her name one last time, and then the line went dead.

Charlie arrived home later that evening to find his daughter sitting at the kitchen table, head propped in her crossed arms, staring glumly at the salt shaker.

"Jake has mono," she moaned before he could ask what happened.

"Oh," Charlie hung his coat up and sat down at the table, "He alright?"

"I don't know. He didn't seem sick last night. Kinda sad though. Billy didn't seem too worried about him, I guess." Bella got up and started pacing around the kitchen, running her hands anxiously through her hair. She looked at her father then glanced back at the phone on the wall. "Should I call him again? I guess not. But what if he's lonely? I should call him. But he's sick. He's probably sleeping. But-"

"Whoa, there," Charlie interrupted. "I'm sure Jacob's getting all the attention he needs. Boy always did get into scrapes."

"I don't want him to be alone!" wailed Bella.

"He'll be fine, Bella. Just give it time."

So she did.

well, that was my birthday present to jake. getting him sick. *evil laugh*
also, do bullhorn frogs even exist? let's hope so
btw it might be a while before i put out the next chapter, but thank u sm for reading lovessss~