This is my first one shot. I hope you all enjoy!
Christmas is just another holiday right. It's a day to celebrate many different things, depending on what you believe. Some look at it just another day to eat, drink and be merry. Others look at it as a day to show people you love them through gifts. Some don't celebrate it at all because it may be a painful reminder of loss and heartache. There are those that just want to celebrate family and the birth of Jesus. And then there are those who just want to celebrate love. Some are hopeful that the stars that guided the wise men to the baby in the manger will guide them to their one true love. Is wishing on a star even worth it?
Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, III a Health Care Lawyer, his name on the building, Grant & Grant, is unlucky in love. It's never made sense to anyone around him. He's gorgeous! He's sexy! He's super rich. Women describe him as too good. But mostly, he's single. So what's a guy with all these attributes doing alone.
"You never tell us why you cut out of the Christmas Eve party every year man at the same time," Harrison says.
"I don't have to tell you guys every damn thing I do or why I do it," Fitz fires back.
"Well damn, I am just saying. These women nearly throw their bra and panties at you for a little midnight sleigh riding and you cut out of here at 10pm on the dot when the party's just about to jump, for what?" Harrison responds.
"I just have somewhere I have to be," Fitz offers with no other explanation.
"I mean are you Cinderella or something. Does something happen before the clock strikes 12?" Harrison laughs.
Fitz doesn't laugh. He doesn't know how to explain that it's something like that. So he simply answers, "It's something like that."
"Maybe he has some woman he only taps on Christmas Eve. You know, like a Christmas Eve Fuck Buddy," Travis winks.
"I don't have a Christmas Fuck Buddy and you know I am not in to occassional tapping. I want to love a woman and make love to her when she wants me to and how she wants me to. And I fuck her when she wants to be fucked. So if I am tapping it, it's because its mine 24/7." Fitz clarifies.
Harrison raises a fist bump, shaking his head, "That's legit man. There's enough random ass to go around."
"Says the man who gets random ass all the time," Travis says.
"I didn't say I wasn't but I get what Ftiz is saying man. I mean the chase gets tiring sometimes. There aren't enough challenging women out there. I don't have to work for the panties and sometimes it bores me, which is why I tap it and I tap out and move on," Harrison explains. "Fitz wants something so good he wants to rush home every night," Harrison starts.
"And make love to every morning before I leave so she knows she's the only woman I care about. I want her to go to sleep holding her and wake up holding her. What's wrong with wanting something real?" Fitz asks.
"These girls are shallow like water," Travis says.
"The girls you date aren't even shallow. They are just stupid," Harrison says.
"Barbie was not stupid. She was…."
"Her name was Barbie. Need we say more," Fitz says.
"To hell with you both," Travis answers defensively. "Fine, we still don't know why Fitz has to leave the party at a certain time every year."
"Hell, he signs our paychecks, I guess his weird fetishes are fine," Harrison chalks it up.
"Thank you Harrison," Fitz laughs.
"Look, I have my own ritual every Christmas Eve. Someday I'll tell you all about it and maybe I won't," Fitz answers. There's sadness in his eyes which he tries not to show.
There is a knock at the door. Fitz tells her to come in. A tall slender redhead comes in. "Grant, I am going to kick your ass for giving me this case. These people are true nimrods."
"I knew you could handle it Abby. You are far more patient than I am. And the paycheck from this one is gonna be sweet." Fitz laughs a little, as does Harrison and Travis.
Abby looks at them annoyed, "And what are you two laughing at. He didn't give you the world's most annoying clients."
"No, he didn't. He gave it to you," Harrison laughs as he gets up leaving. He looks at Fitz, "Catch you later Fetish."
"Don't turn into a pumpkin Cinderella," Travis says as he leaves.
Abby plops down on the chair, "What are they talking about?"
"Nothing much. Just making fun of my Christmas Eve ritual. They want to know why I leave the parties," Fitz says.
"And you've never told them," Abby says.
"No Abby. Only people I trust know why I do what I do. Why this is the happiest and the saddest time of the year for me. Most of the people in this office don't know what happened."
"Yes, that is true. Most just think your dad placed you here because you were going to handle a new firm better than your brother would."
"My brother would be chasing skirts. He's not ready to run any business but I needed to get away. I needed a change of scenery," Fitz says.
"And you needed a new outlook on love and family and you needed a new beginning," Abby says.
"At 35 my life changed and here I am at the ripe old age of 38 trying to figure it all out. You've been there every step of the way Abby," Fitz says.
"You've been dealt some bad hands but you deserve to be happy Fitz. I want to see you happy but do what feels right for you," Abby says.
"You saved my life that night. I wanted to end it all and you wouldn't let me. I drank until I couldn't remember my own name and then I was just going to take that bottle of pills and just leave it all behind," Fitz says.
"Fitz, many have felt like doing what you wanted to do that night because of that pain. I wanted you to live because I knew there was so much more out there for you," she winks at him, "I mean I seduced you but it worked," Abby laughs.
"Well, drunk sex is better than none I guess," Fitz laughs.
"It wasn't that bad," Abby says slapping his shoulder.
"I don't remember it at all Abby. I would say that is bad, at least for me."
"Whatever, the past is the past. Don't worry about those two manwhores. I'm glad you found you a space to be in that brings you comfort. Christmas is all about comfort and joy, right?"
"Right," Fitz smiles faintly.
Abby gets up and goes for the door, "You never know. One of these times that new beginning may be right there," she says as she closes the door and leaves.
Fitz says under his breath, "You never know Abby. You never know." Fitz shakes his head, smiling as he prepares for his next meeting. He buzzes his secretary, "Lauren can you bring me the 5th Street file please."
"Yes sir Mr. Grant," she answers.
Fitz sits in his chair. He opens his drawer, pulling out a photo. He scrapes his fingers across it. "My angel," he says with a sad smile as he gulps. He puts the picture back on the desk and starts prepping for his meeting.
Olivia Pope is a young surgeon who is on her way to becoming a Cardiologist. She worked hard to get to where she is and naturally it left no time for a person's life or something that resembles it. She saves lives and goes home to her little Yorkie, Bella. She was engaged to a fellow surgeon who she thought was the one and thought it was going to work but ambition and dedication to her craft got in the way. For now, she's happy being a rising star in the world of Cardiology with one little passion that she does every Christmas Eve. It's a quiet time but it's her time and it's special to her for so many reasons.
"I really wish you'd come to the party with me Liv. It's going to be fun," Lizzie says.
"I told you I'd come to the party but you know I have to leave at 10pm," Liv stresses.
"You've never said why you have to get down there," Lizzie says.
"It's something my father and I used to do and it's time to people watch," Liv says with this smile she can't seem to wipe off her face.
Lizzie notices the twinkle in her eye, "And just who are these people or is it one person in particular?"
"I am not having this conversation with you Elizabeth," she says.
"Ohhh, I'm Elizabeth now. I must have hit the nail on the head. Who is he and what is his name?" She asks as she closes her locker.
"I have no idea what you are talking about," Liv fights as she turns away.
"You can't lie to me Olivia Pope," she answers.
"I want this spot on the Cardiology team. I don't have time for love right now but I can look," Liv says.
"Yes but who are you looking at," Lizzie asks.
"I can look but I can't touch," Liv proclaims.
"Not if it is worth touching. When was the last time you got laid. I mean really got vibrator is good but it's not the real thing," Lizzie answers.
"I know it's not the real thing but it has to do for now. I can't commit to a relationship right now. Look at how well that worked out. Andrew was a good lay but out of the bedroom we couldn't make time for each other. There's more to a relationship than good sex. He wasn't the master of sex but I never felt like I wasted an hour of my life," Liv explains.
Lizzie stops, looking a little miffed. "An hour, that's it."
"What?"
"You two would only have sex for an hour. What happened to multiple rounds and multiple orgasms? I mean, having to walk with a limp for a day or two. You never had that," Lizzie says.
"Oh my God, you are terrible."
"I'm serious. You two never had sex longer than an hour. God is his endowment good at all or just as sad as his 1 hour," Lizzie asks now more than interested.
"He was not terrible in bed Lizzie. And he's not sad in the endowment department. I would say he's average. It was good enough to scratch the itch. He was more focused on work just like I was. He was not very adventurous in bed," Liv starts.
"And obviously not more experienced," Lizzie shoots.
"We just weren't right for each other," Liv says.
"He wasn't right for you. I told you he wasn't the one. Not in or out of bed," Lizzie points out.
"But he's already on a cardiology team over at Tisch," Liv points out.
"Liv, stop worrying about making a team. You are going to make the team. You are brilliant. Every doctor here thinks so. I wouldn't be surprised if you become the youngest Chief of Staff."
"I wouldn't go that far but that would be great at some point," Liv says.
"Listen, I don't know why you go do whatever it is you do every Christmas Eve, for the last two years but you must have a good reason. I just want you to be happy. We have been through a lot together and I know life hasn't been exactly kind to you but don't let that stop you from believing in love. Someone is out there just for you, who deserves you," Lizzie points out.
"Thanks. I just...you know why Cardiology is so important to me. You know why I am so obsessed with exceeding in it. I haven't given up on love. I just don't think I need it right now."
"Your mom would be so proud of you," Lizzie says.
"I think she would be too," Liv smiles.
"I also think your mom would want you to be happy. She wouldn't want you to devote your life to medicine and not feel love."
Liv takes a breath, "I know. I know."
"I gotta go. You know who I have today. But I am glad you will come to the party, at least for a little while. We are going to have fun," Lizzie says as she leaves.
"Never a dull moment with you. I am sure we will," Liv laughs as she goes to get ready for her very busy day.
"Kick ass up there," Lizzie says as her voice fades away.
Liv laughs, looking in her bag that sits at the bottom of her locker, "What do the lonely do at Christmas?" She takes a breath and smiles. She pushes the bag back in her locker and starts her day.
It's later on that night. Liv usually goes to her little Hell's Kitchen apartment and unwind. After her conversation with Lizzie, she decides she'd get started on her ritual a day earlier. She loves New York City this time of year. The Christmas feeling just seems to seep through your skin. She loves to ice skate. There's no better place to do that than Rockefeller Center. So tonight that's where she finds herself. Her mother had her taking lessons when she was little and she was good. A bad accident on the ice, and a broken leg, made it hard for her to take it seriously. So instead, this is her time with her mother, on the ice. Even Though her mom's not there she can feel her there with her. She laces up and watches the people skate around her.
She secretly has another reason she loves it there. The tall man with the beautiful blue eyes who just sits and watches the kids skate. She's never taken him for a creep who likes to watch kids. There is a sadness in his eyes when watches the kids. But there's a particular twinkle in his eye when he watches a dad teaching his little girl how to skate. His face when he watches the dad tell her, she's gotten it. She's doing great. There's a pride in his face that he shares with the dad. She knows there is a story there. And she knows it's a sad one. She looks across the way and there he is. He's sitting in his normal spot, watching the skating wizards pass him by. She wonders if he has ever noticed her. She has shamelessly skated by him but he just watches and smiles back when she smiles at him. They both have a story that neither one of them are willing to tell.
Fitz arrives at the rink. All the talk about his Christmas Eve ritual got him in the mood to be there. He goes to his usual viewing seat. He's bundled in his coat and gloves and his beautiful curly hair is sticking out from him. For some reason, it's not as cold as it usually is but it's still winter. It's still Rockefeller Center and he wouldn't be anywhere else. He sits, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. She's like a skating angel. He feels like she shouldn't be skating for fun. She has real skills. He can see that. One day he's going to be brave enough to talk to her. Brave enough to introduce himself but for now he likes to watch her. Watch her in her element.
She looks across the rink, realizing that he's there. She's surprised. He's usually only here on the 24th of every month. She shouldn't know this but she does. What is he doing here on the 23rd? He notices that she catches a glimpse of him and he can see from afar, she's pleased to see him just as he's pleased to see her. He knows her schedule just as well as she knows him. They nod at each other from across the rink as he begins to watch the children skate around him.
Liv begins to skate. She knows that he's watching her but she doesn't want to blush in case her assumption is wrong. And then her song begins to play. Every Year, Every Christmas by Luther Vandross. Liv is skating to the song. She's engrossed in the words. They have meaning for her, not just with the mysterious man whose eyes are on her but thoughts of her mother who's never far away in her thoughts. She's lost herself in the words as she skates. He watches her. He can see she's lost in the words. She's lost in the feeling and he wishes he could be lost with her. He's noticed that every year, when this song comes on, she is immersed in the words. What's so special about this song he wonders? For the first time, he lets the words sink in. He smiles as he watches her mesmerize his thoughts with her artistry.
As the words play in the distance, I'll come back to you..this same corner where we met. Cause I'll be here. Every year, every Christmas...
They have eyes for each other but they both have no idea how their worlds can collide. They both feel like these figurines that they cannot touch. They have no idea how alike they are in spirit, in loss, and maybe just maybe they are alike in love. For now, they'll just watch each other from afar, wondering what lies beneath just the view of their eyes. Is it possible someone will make the first move?
It's Christmas Eve night and the parties are jumping. Fitz is with Travis and Harrison as, like clockwork, women are coming by nearly offering themselves on a platter to Fitz. But he can't focus on them. He can't see them. He just sees the snow angel that skated into his dreams the night before. She seemed so carefree, yet she seemed like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"Man, that's what I'm talking about. She nearly opened her legs right here for this guy and he never flinched," Harrison says.
"She wasn't my type," Fitz says.
"There've been some hot women coming through here. I know one of them had to be your type," Travis says.
"No, they aren't," Fitz laughs.
"What is your type?" Harrison says.
Fitz doesn't say anything. They are eagerly awaiting an answer. And then he can see her, in his head. "My type is a woman with beautiful doe eyes. The kind that makes you want to give her everything. That makes you want to never say has full, plump lips that makes you want to kiss them and never stop. Her skin is like caramel, you just want to lick it, touch it, kiss it, and…"
Harrison's eyes widened, "You like sisters."
Travis was oblivious at first, "He wants to date his sister."
"No, you fool. A sister as in one that looks like me," Harrison says shaking his head at his cluelessness.
Fitz just blushes, "You said describe her."
"Something tells me you've already met this woman. She's not just your ideal version of a woman," Harrison says.
Fitz is now blushing even more, "I've never met her but see her all the time."
"Damn, then go talk to her," Travis says.
"Some things are meant to be admired and cherished like it's in a glass case," Fitz says.
"Is she hot?" Travis asks.
"I suppose she is, from what I've seen. What does that have to do with anything?" Fitz asks.
"Just wondering. I mean if you don't want to go after it, I will," Travis announces.
Fitz looks at his watch, "I have to go."
"I hope you get the balls to talk to her tonight," Harrison says.
"Listen, you guys have a good rest of your night. Enjoy the party and the bar that I am so graciously paying for and have a Merry Christmas!" Fitz says as he puts down the one scotch he's been doctoring all night.
"You too man," Harrison says, giving him a handshake.
"Merry Christmas man," Travis finishes.
Fitz leaves, looking at his watch, knowing he has 30 minutes to get to Rockefeller Center to ring in Christmas the way he usually does.
Liv is at her Christmas Party that is unfortunately at the hospital. She ended up having to pull a double shift. Goodness knows she's dead tired but she knows she has to be at Rockefeller Center tonight. For some reason she feels like she can't miss it. She can't not be there. She's drinking a glass of eggnog when Marcus Walker, a fellow resident approaches.
"So, hello!"
Liv smiles, "Hello!"
"I don't believe we've met or I am on the wrong team," he says.
"Well I guess you are," Liv laughs.
"I'm Marcus Walker, 2nd year, Gastroenterology."
"I'm Olivia Pope, 4th Year, Cardiology," she answers.
"Cardiology. I'm scared of you," Marcus smiles.
"Well, it's go big or go home," Liv answers.
There is an awkward silence. "So, I don't see a ring on your finger. Lucky for me. I don't see some other coat hang around, lucky me. I would very much like to take you to dinner." Marcus is straight to the point.
"Smooth, very smooth. I'm going to have to turn you down Mr. Walker," she says softly. Lizzie is across the room looking. Olivia catches her out of the corner of her eye, winking at her.
"Is there someone else?" Marcus asks.
"No there isn't. I am just not dating right now. I am sure I would have a lovely night, lovely conversation, and unnecessary flirting but I have to pass," she answers.
"Is it the Gastroenterology thing?" Marcus asks.
Liv throws her head back laughing, "No, it is definitely not that. I respect every aspect of the study of medicine no matter what it is."
"Oh I thought I was too low on the totem pole for you," he answers.
"No, not at all. Don't think of this as a cliche but really it's me and it's not you. I am just not looking to date right now," Liv says.
"Trust me! I've known her for a while and I don't know why she's such a hard ass," Lizzie cuts in.
Marcus looks confused. Liv jumps in, "This is one of good friends Elizabeth. She's RN here. One of the best and one of the noisiest."
"I am not nosy. I am concerned and want my friend to have a good time and good sex," LIzzie adds.
Liv smacks her shoulder, "I just met this man."
"I am not offended," Marcus winks.
"I'll work on her," Lizzie says to Marcus.
"You will not," Liv answers squinting at her. She looks at Marcus, "Marcus it was lovely to meet you. I am sure that we will see more of you around here. I do have to be going though."
"But the night is still early," Marcus says.
"She has some secret rendezvous," Lizzie stresses.
"I know it's not another man that is getting in the way of my game," Marcus says.
"Marcus, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas," she addresses him. She looks at Lizzie, "And I will talk to you later."
Lizzie gives her a hug, "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas!" Liv says as she looks at her watch and leaves.
Fitz is sitting in his usual spot. He's doctoring a hot cup of coffee. He watches the kids skate around. He smiles at a little girl who is skating with her mom. She falls flat on her butt and his first instinct is to go to help her but he hangs back. His mind drifts off to 3 years ago.
"Daddy, I don't want to fall."
"Look at daddy Karen. I am not going to let you fall. I promise," Fitz says.
"But daddy what if I fall," she says worriedly.
"Daddy would never let you hurt yourself. Not if I can help it. Do you trust daddy?" Fitz asks as he looks over at Mellie and smiles as she watches her husband and daughter skating.
"Yes," she answers.
"Okay! Hold on to my hand," Fitz says as they begin to skate. She finally gets the hang of it and they skate and skate in circles.
Fitz gradually lets go of her hand and she doesn't even realize it. She doesn't realize she's skating by herself. When she does, the look on her face is something he will never forget. "Mommy and Daddy look, I'm skating!"
Mellie is videoing, "You look wonderful baby. Smile for mommy." Karen is smiling from ear to ear.
"Mommy, come skate with me and daddy," Karen implores. Mellie joins them on the rink and they skate as a family.
Fitz comes out of the memory and the sadness is written all over his face. He doesn't notice that Olivia is watching from afar. They catch each other's eye and for one minute they just hold each other's glare. The song begins to play.
I don't know how love can do this to me.
I waited and waited, for someone I never see.
But I'm so sentimental
I'm so hopeful you'll be here.
Here I am every year, every Christmas
I've wished for you in my heart and my head
And I got my answer that first moment that we met
Liv begins to skate as she glances at him each time. She keeps skating with the song. She is so immersed in the song she doesn't notice that he disappears or so she thinks he has. The song finishes as she makes her way back to her seat. She finds herself looking for him. There's a sadness that comes across her face. She shrugs her shoulders.
She hears a voice from behind, "Hi!"
Liv turns to see Fitz standing there, "Hi!"
"I hope you don't think I am a stalker because I'm not," Fitz says.
"I hope you don't think I am a stalker," Liv laughs.
"You are a wonderful skater," Fitz continues.
"So are you," Liv smiles.
He looks confused, "You've never seen me skate."
"No I haven't but something tells me you can but I don't think that's why you are here," Liv explains.
"Really, why am I here?" Fitz asks.
"For the same reason I am, the silence," Liv answers.
"For the last two weeks, since they put the tree up. You've skated to that song and you look like you've let go of the world on the ice when it's on. Is there someone you expect here, every year...every Christmas."
"My mother…..and you."
"Really," Fitz says, very surprised by her forwardness.
"Really," Liv smiles. "And what about you?"
"I honestly don't know. I just know I had to say Hi! I wanted to see you close up and not far away. I wanted to see that smile that I knew would light up my sad heart," Fitz admits.
"Your heart is sad. I know for a fact that all the heart needs is shock of electricity," Liv answers.
"What if your heart is dead and on life support?" Fitz asks.
"It's completely up to the heart," Liv answers.
"I've never done this before but would you like to come share a pastrami sandwich and coffee with me," Fitz asks.
"Pastrami is my favorite," Liv smiles.
"Really…..?"
"Really," Liv smiles.
"I'm Fitz," he holds out his hand.
"I'm Olivia," she returns shaking his hand. She looks down at her feet. "I better put on some real shoes so we can go have that pastrami sandwich."
"Have a seat," Fitz suggests.
"For what?" Liv says confused.
"Do you trust me?" Fitz asks.
"I guess I do. You love pastrami," she giggles as she takes a seat. She's looking at him trying to figure out what he's going to do.
He gets down on one knee, "Allow me," he says as begins to unlace her shoes. He concentrates on her like he has known her forever. He's long since notices the perfect shape of her ass and her legs. He hates to be that guy but he can't help it. He's enchanted by her. She's staring at him, her doe eyes have stars in them. "I hope you don't mind."
She nods almost breathless, "I don't mind." He looks over and see her other shoes, that are boots for the snow. He puts them on and laces them up. "Thank you," she says.
"My pleasure," He looks up smiling at her with those deep blue eyes. He spends a little bit too long holding her calves as he ties the shoes. "You are shaking. Are you cold?"
"Not at all," she bites her lips and immediately becomes embarrassed with herself. Then she drops her head down in her hand.
He begins to blush too. He knows exactly how she feels. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm shaking too."
"Why?" Liv asks.
"Because I believe I felt that electricity you were talking about," Fitz answers. Liv can't answer. She just smiles.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Liv asks.
"I never did but I am willing to amend that belief," Fitz says as he finally realizes he has to let her legs go.
"Good," she shakes her head.
"How about you?" Fitz asks.
"I am quite sure I don't want this Christmas Eve night to end without kissing you," Liv says and catches her chest. She can't believe she said this to him, this stranger. This mad she has only known from afar.
"I don't know if my heart can handle that kind of electricity," Fitz smiles, patting his heart.
"Well," Liv says and is taken by surprise. Fitz grabs her and pulls her into a kiss. The kiss takes both of their breaths away. Before he knows it, he's ushering his tongue inside her mouth and she eagerly takes it. She sucks his bottom lip as their tongues are stinging each other in passion. She's never in life felt a kiss like this. He can safely say he's never felt a kiss like this either. He's now lifted himself to the seat and sitting beside her, never letting go of her lips and she doesn't let go of him. They've totally forgotten where they were. It's just the two of them. The lights of the tree and the electricity running through their bodies. Her hands are in his curls. His arm is caressing her ass. They finally pull apart. Their foreheads are meshed together.
"I've waited a long time for this," Liv says out of breath.
Fitz is out of breath but not wanting to let her go, "Every Christmas."