A switch in fate places Hikari on the path to boarding the Eva during Shinji's second battle. With her life already consumed with caretaking and responsibilities, she comes to value his friendship more than anything.

(this is a Hikashin story. I thought there would be more, though one draft is too short yet to be a meaningful addition here and the other, common burdens, I managed to publish.)

Part I: A friendship forged in the dark

She found Toji at just the right moment to see him throw a second punch into Shinji Ikari's face while holding the boy by the shirt collar. Shock gripped Hikari in the first instant, but fury and protectiveness quickly replaced it. "Suzuhara!!"

Hikari's mary janes clapped in rapid succession as the girl ran to the scene.

Toji stopped and straightened, a little surprised to suddenly have an audience. His anger remained at its peak though, and not even the presence of the class rep could unsettle that. "This is something we have to settle between men, class Rep. You wouldn't understand."

Hikari's face reddened with rising indignation. What concerned her most was seeing one of her students under attack from another. That it was her crush- the compassionate Toji Suzuhara- throwing the punches only agitated her further. The bullshit macho action line he just dropped was the last straw, because she refused to honor such a ritual as an excuse for this kind of abuse.

And it mortified her that Toji used such a line to justify his actions.

"No, I don't understand." Hikari said, balled fists at the sides of her dress, "What I do understand is that you've committed battery on school grounds! You can be suspended for this Suzuhara, What are you thinking?"

Toji roared back, "That piece of shit put my sister in the hospital with his robot! He says he's the pilot? I want to thank him properly for what he did to her!"

Hikari blinked. Though part of her could sympathize with Toji's upset, the rest of her could not forgive him. Not the girl part of her, and certainly not the class rep part.

"How you feel doesn't entitle you to strike another student!" Her look darkened, "Consider yourself suspended. A letter is going to be sent home to your parents to notify them of what you did, and you're not coming back to campus for a week." She shook her head as she gave Toji one last act of compassion, "Now get off campus before I'm forced to bring you to the principal's office."

This way, Hikari was sparing him from reporting his shame to the principal directly. Being an intermediary meant she could compromise on his behalf… after she had calmed down.

Toji stared hard at her. For a moment, as he towered over her, she feared he would turn his anger against her. As Hikari's mind raced with that possibility, she saw regret flick across Toji's features. Then he turned and strode away from the scene, arms straight and fists balled as he left in anger.

Hikari sighed out her tension, then said to Kensuke before the nerd could spin excuses, "Aida, go find nurse Miyuki and tell her someone's been hurt."

Kensuke looked between her and Tojis retreating form, and decided to obey the class rep and ran to find the nurse.

Hikari came down to Shinji. "Ikari," she asked, "are you all right?"

Shinji was leaning up on his elbows, one hand wiping away the blood trickling out of the corner of his mouth. "You didn't have to do that." Shinji said, "I deserved it."

"Nobody deserves to be hit in the face for a mistake." Hikari said to him. "Now let me help you up, we're taking you to the nurse."

Shinji blinked and looked at her. She helped him up and the two of them left that courtyard to find the school nurse.

Devotion

Norsehound

I.

Everything happened fast after that. In the middle of getting Shinji care, a shelter alarm started to sound across the city. Hikari had to leave the office to rally her classmates together for their trip to the closest civilian shelter.

She had assumed Shinji would have joined her at the shelter… but… when she got there she couldn't find him. Rei was also missing. The two most injured students in her class were unaccounted for.

Only after pacing with worry for a few minutes did the answer occur to her. Of course. Shinji, and likely Rei, were the robot pilots. They were out defending the city.

As she sat down on a spread blanket and sighed with relief, a new thought met her. Why were kids like Shinji and Rei needed to pilot these battle machines? Why weren't adults being used for this?

Kensuke's voice interrupted her thinking. "Hey, uh, Class rep?"

Hikari looked up. Kensuke was nervously standing before her. "What is it?" She asked.

Kensuke replied, "Can Toji and I go tinkle? He's gotta go really bad."

Hikari winced. "Where is Suzuhara?"

"Ah… well. t-truth is. He kinda doesn't want to face you after… after what happened."

Hikari made a long sigh. Toji's toughness apparently went only so far, or this indicated how thoroughly the bridge was burned with him. She didn't relish bringing the battery charges against the jock, but she wasn't going to skimp in her responsibilities as class rep.

"Why didn't you two go before we left?"

"It's not like you gave us any time to do it. You rushed us in here pretty fast."

Hikari, hands on hips, leaned toward for emphasis. "For your safety, Aida." Hikari leaned back up, "I'm not letting anyone get hurt. Go quick."

Kensuke left after a quick bow and Hikari glanced at the clock, then sighed as she turned back to the students in her charge, momentarily drawn into a discussion on the latest class assignments.

The next time she looked up, ten minutes had elapsed. She scanned the shelter and there was no sign of Kensuke or Toji.

Of course.

Delegating the responsibility of keeping everyone together to Megumi, Hikari went to the rear-most emergency exit to the shelter and found it ajar.

Clenching her fists, she growled, "Those idiots are going to get themselves killed."

Since they were her responsibility, she went after them.

Events happened quickly after that. Ascending the stairs to the shrine, she found the boys at the peak of the hill. Aida had his camcorder, of course.

She made the boys turn by shouting their names. Before she could order them back to the shelter, they fled. She pursued, unaware of the Evangelion battle until it suddenly involved her.

One minute she was pursuing the stooges down the hill. In the next she looked up to see the massive human shape descending upon her.

She screamed and ducked as her life flashed before her eyes. Her final regret was not telling her sisters that she loved them.

Wind and thunder surrounded her, and when she opened her eyes she found herself bracketed by the massive fingers of an Evangelion unit. She turned and looked up at the distant head of the robot that almost crushed her.

Then she witnessed something else. A shadow fell over her and she turned to look at the massive bulk of the Angel looming above. The tapered head and flailing tentacles immediately caught her attention.

She covered her face again as she screamed, but felt the rush around her as the robot hand reached up to grab both tentacle arms of the monster it was fighting.

In the din of that chaos, Hikari heard a woman's voice. "You there! Get in, quickly!"

Hikari looked up to see the back door open on the giant purple robot, and a slender white cylinder moved out of it. Somehow, Hikari knew this is where she needed to go.

She couldn't remember how she managed to scale the armor, but she did remember diving into the open door of the cylinder and passing through a kind of surface. In the dark she wasn't sure if she was underwater or in the air, and breathed normally. It must have been-

The clunking of the door, followed by the blaze of light in the cockpit, grounded her to where she was. Before her was a seat, beyond that were screens, and piloting this contraption was Shinji Ikari in a blue and white suit. The boy was gripping a pair of control handles.

Hikari was trying to understand what was happening as Shinji pulled, then threw the attacking monster away with its tentacles.

Hikari clung to the back of the seat, but managed to slide forward to get closer to the pilot, confirming it was Shinji. "Ikari, Thank you."

Shinji didn't say anything, but whomever was directing him did. "Use recovery route 34... pull back to the recovery point. We'll rearm you and start over."

Hikari heard Shinji mutter something. She leaned forward, "Ikari... please... it's not safe..."

"Shinji!" The woman yelled over the comm, "Obey my order! I said to retreat!"

Hikari couldn't see Shinji's expression, but she did see his arms tense. She recoiled as he suddenly screamed in the red-tinged cockpit. Confused, she also screamed with her eyes closed as the machine moved.

It was only until moments later, when the cockpit was quiet and dark, was she aware enough to stop tensing. She heard another sound, too.

It was Shinji as he sobbed in his seat. Both hands were grasping one of the control handles.

Hikari sat dumbfounded in that cockpit for a moment to put herself back together. She had been outside during the fighting. She was almost killed, but Shinji rescued her and defeated the monster. It was still hard for her to believe even though she had lived through it.

"Ikari?" She asked quietly, but he didn't respond. Still hearing his sniffles, she stepped forward around the seat to come closer to her classmate… her student. She wanted to get a look at his face.

Shinji was inconsolable. Both hands were wrapped around one of the control handles tightly with his head lowered as he cried.

"Ikari..." She said, pity washing over her as she saw how deflated Shinji was. Taking a glance around the darkened cockpit, she could empathize. If she was confused and scared about what just happened, how was Shinji feeling? The one with responsibility for the robot?

But this was her charge. She could still see the bruise on his cheek bestowed by Suzuhara only hours earlier.

Shinji's distress helped her get a grip on what she needed to do.

"Ikari." She said, changing tones to put her class rep responsibility on. "Ikari... Shinji, I need you to talk to me."

Shinji sniffed loud, raising his face. He stared into the distance.

"Ikari, please look at me." She asked.

Shinji turned. His vacant, dead stare directed right at her came out of a horror movie, sending a shiver down her spine and a little gasp across her lips. Not only was he injured... but... something was wrong with him.

She screwed her face into determination. He was still one of her students, and she wouldn't rest until she could help Shinji. She didn't want to let any of her students down.

Though she hadn't kept up with her personal defense skills, she had brushed up on dealing with trauma and PTSD recently given the last monster attack. She tried to apply some of those lessons now. "Ikari, everything is quiet now, it's over. Do you know where you are?"

"Yeah. The plug." Shinji replied simply.

"Ok." Hikari said. She adjusted her seat in the plug to get more comfortable, had her hands loosely before her, and said, "What are you feeling right now?"

He sniffed. "I.. I don't know."

Hikari nodded in the dark, "I want you to try. Do you feel sad? overwhelmed?"

"Yeah." Shinji replied, turning his head away from her, slowly. "Overwhelmed." His tone sounded tired. Out of it.

"Me too." Hikari replied, "I don't know what just happened. Can you tell me?"

"I... I beat it. The Angel." Shinji replied, "I did what Captain Misato told me to do. I did it. I beat it."

Hikari blinked as some of the blocks of the situation were sliding into place. "You… You don't want to be here, do you?"

Shinji sniffed. "No." He lowered his head to his knees, "I-I don't want to hurt anyone!"

Hikari blinked. "You saved my life, Shinji."

"But I-I hurt Suzuhara's sister!"

"Did you know you were going to hurt her?"

Silence.

Hikari blinked, then added for emphasis, "Did you go out of your way to hurt her, or was it an accident?" After a moment, she added, "Did you even know there were people who could be hurt where you were fighting?"

"N...No..."

"Then why do you feel guilty for something you couldn't prevent?" Hikari said, then added with a tone of pity, "Why take on guilt that you don't have to?"

Shinji folded his hands inwardly again, "I-I should have been better!"

"How?" Hikari said, "You can't protect people You don't even know are there. You shouldn't… you couldn't be concerned about people who shouldn't have been there.."

Shinji lapsed into sobs again, tightening his grip on his knees. Hikari blinked with surprise as she thought over what she said and had an epiphany.

"In spite of that…" Hikari said, almost to herself, "You did it anyway. You kept me from being hurt, even though I left the shelter. You… you made up for it."

Shinji didn't hear her. He had drawn his knees up to hide his face, and was hugging his legs as he cried. Hikari basked in her revelation, staring at him. Her look became crestfallen as she got a glimpse of how much self-flagellation this boy was putting himself through.

"Ikari, I'm staying put until I know you're okay." She finally said to that, as his sobs started to subside.

"W-Why?" He sniffed.

Hikari almost gave her class rep response. She was his responsibility. But a flash of insight hit her then- she didn't want to suggest Shinji was a burden. She signed up to help,students like him in crises no matter what they were. Even as strange as this one.

She had no idea what the world was going on like outside. What the battle was like. How long they would be in here. Whether she and him were alive... or dead. But the darkness and quiet of the plug offered Hikari the unique opportunity of being able to directly reach Shinji. The pilot. The boy who needed help.

"Because you saved my life." Hikari answered, "And because I can see you're in pain."

Shinji tightened his grip on his knees again and continued sobbing. Hikari only sat there with him, remaining in his field of vision. She glanced up.

There was very dim lighting in the plug. At the top, Hikari could see water patterns lapping up against what was probably a ceiling. The one light in the space tinted the whole space reddish-orange.

The whole thing was surreal, and Hikari wasn't sure why she wasn't more freaked out about it and the giant robot. She looked back down at Shinji.

She returned to counseling him. "You know, I wish I had the chance to get to know you better. I make it a point to know something about everyone in the class."

"I... I didn't give you much of a choice." Shinji answered as he rubbed his face. As he calmed down his senses were coming back to him.

Hikari replied, "I gathered that you wanted to be left alone. I... I don't push when it comes to things like that." She side-glanced at him before adding, "Usually students aren't so private, like you and Ayanami. That doesn't mean I don't want to know you a little better."

Shinji shifted his seat in the plug, now a little more comfortable. Gone were thoughts of the battle, even the surroundings of the plug felt casual to him now. He was turning his attention to Hikari. "W-Why would you want to know about me? Didn't you get all that you wanted when...when I... had to talk about Eva?"

Hikari shook her head. "Everyone asked about the robot, but it didn't seem like anyone was asking questions about you specifically."

"They didn't." Shinji replied, rubbing his face with his hands. "Everyone just wants to know about the Eva. N-Nobody asked... about me."

Hikari folded her hands together and dipped her toes. "Well… why don't you tell me about yourself? What would you say is the most interesting thing about you?"

Shinji blinked and looked into Hikari's eyes. Then he averted his. "T-There's not really much to say..."

"Ikari," Hikari said, leaning forward, "It doesn't bother me how mundane, or stupid, or silly, or dramatic it is. What are you proud of about yourself?"

"There's nothing." Shinji said.

"Don't be modest." Hikari replied, "I'm proud of how quickly I can get these pigtails in my hair in the morning." Shinji looked at her and she smirked mischievously. As he watched, she pulled the beaded bands out of her hair and held them with her mouth. Then he watched Hikari re-tied her hair in about five seconds.

Something about how she looked into his eyes with a haughty, daring expression touched him. He felt himself blush, though Hikari couldn't see it in the darkness. When she was done, she slapped her hands on her thighs, and laughed.

Shinji blinked away the heat rising in his face and tried to give her question serious consideration. "T-The c-cello. I play the Cello!"

Hikari smiled. "I couldn't master an instrument like that. How long have you been playing?"

"S-Since I was five." Shinji replied.

"T-Tha's a long time! Do you do anything more with it?"

"N-No... it's just a hobby." Shinji replied. His legs shifted down the seat a little, allowing himself to open up. He decided to volunteer something to her. "I-I find it relaxing... you know? L-Like holding the instrument in my hands... feeling it vibrate as I play. I-I like making music!"

It was a bit of an epiphany for him because, up until then, nobody really asked him about his Cello playing. His old teacher had coached him but hadn't remarked on his ability.

Hikari nodded. "Cooking is the same way with me. It started off as a necessity, after my mom passed away. My father and older sister were too busy to cook, so I picked it up. I didn't expect I would like it as much as I do, but I really like putting something delicious together."

Shinji hesitated. "Y-Your mom... died?"

Hikari paused. It had been a long time since she had to consider her mom's death. "Y-Yes... she died sometime after my little sister Nozomi was born."

"I-I lost my mom, too." Shinji replied.

Hikari smiled sadly. "I guess that's something you and I have in common, Ikari."

Shinji was quiet for a moment, then said, "I-I wouldn't have expected that... from what... I know of you."

Hikari stared into space for a moment. "What is there to say?" She said, "It happened. We've been forced to move on, but it hasn't been easy. I've been so busy I haven't had time to dwell on it much." She dipped her head, "I wonder if that makes me a bad person."

Shinji turned his head away a little. "I… sometimes I feel that way about my mom too. I've been thinking a lot recently about her and how much I miss her."

"It must weigh a lot on you." Hikari said.

Shinji leaned his head back into the headrest of the plug. He hadn't been conscious enough to face that. "Y-Yes..."

Hikari hesitated before this next step. "I-If I were to guess you're not on good terms with your father?"

Shinji's hands clenched together. "N-No! I... I..." Shinji shook his head, now not certain how much he could- or should- tell her about the job at NERV. "H-He..." Shinji found he didn't care about keeping this part secret. "He's the reason I'm in this thing. He called me here to pilot it."

Hikari nodded in understanding. She took a moment to piece the things together, before saying, "Ikari... once this is over, and you and I are back outside... Do you want to talk again? I'm enjoying this conversation, bUT if it's bothering you..."

Shinji paused. "I-I'm kind of comfortable, actually."

He couldn't place why. The Evangelion was where his father wanted him. Where everyone expected him to be. This was one of the last places he wanted to be. But right now? With everything dark, and... companionship? It was nice.

"Okay." Hikari said with a nod. "We're not in a rush to leave." Shinji chuckled at that. Hikari was hesitant, but she pushed herself closer to being with Shinji. "Ask me a question now. It's only fair."

"U-uhm..." Shinji said, looking at Hikari. Her expectant, open face beamed at him in the dark. He felt heat rising in his cheeks again, making him pause. Finally, he asked, "So um… W-what do you like to do for fun?"

"For fun?" Hikari replied. She blinked as she considered the question and realized… she couldn't remember the last time she set out to enjoy something for herself.

When her pause went long, Shinji hesitated. "I… I didn't offend you, did I?"

"No I just…" Hikari shook her head slowly. "I'm just realizing how little time I have for anything like that."

Concern now crossed Shinji's face. "You said you were busy… you don't give yourself any time off?"

Hikari was a little dumbfounded at her own realization as she replied, "Yes… I…" She looked at Shinji then. Even in the dark of the plug, she could see his worried stare. Her voice was a little softer as she said, "There's nobody around to do the housework, except me. My older sister is either in school or working, my dad is gone most of the time at work, and my little sister… honestly… she doesn't want to do it. If I don't do it, nobody will."

Shinji was quiet while his eyes moved away from her to take that in. Then they re-focused on her. "That's… That's me, w-with where I live."

"Really?"

Shinji nodded. He looked away, "M-My guardian… she… she can't take care of herself. Her place would be a mess if I wasn't there and her cooking…" He shook his head. "We'd starve!"

Hikari blinked with surprise. "That bad?"

Shinji nodded. "That bad."

Hikari stared at Shinji, then smiled softly. "I guess that's something else you and I have in common, Ikari."

They lost track of time while they conversed in the dark plug. The idea of being recovered was off and away.

For Shinji, this was the first time someone was interested in what he had to say. It was the first time in years he carried a conversation with someone his age that didn't lead back to some essential or another.

Hugging his knees, Shinji was saying then, "I've always been a little envious of people with families. Whenever they talk about their siblings or parents… I can't relate. But it must be nice to have someone to grow up with who you can talk to."

Hikari shrugged. "It has it's ups and downs. Sometimes I can talk to my sisters… but usually these days they're so busy I only see them in passing. We used to get along, but… ever since the school year's started it feels like we're drifting apart. Kind of… we're like roomates, not a family, if that makes sense."

"Well, I live with a roommate who isn't my family." Shinji observed.

Hikari laughed. "I guess it does! Is that three or four things now we have in common?"

Shinji, serious for a moment, said, "B-But it's not funny, is it? It sounds like you miss talking to your family."

Hikari had a crestfallen look on her face, and then shook her head. "What I feel about it doesn't matter when nothing can be done. We're… we're not well off, Shinji. My dad has to work as hard as he does to let us stay here in Tokyo-3. My sister has to work where she does to put herself through university. I… I've thought about what I would need to do, once I graduate, to make it by."

Shinji stared at her over his knees, then uttered, "I wish there was something I could do to help…" Looking at the Evangelion controls he said, "All I do is cause problems. Even with the Eva… I… I wonder what good I'm doing here."

Hikari smirked at him. "You take a lot on yourself Ikari, from things that may not be your fault."

"S-sorry..."

"It's nothing to be ashamed about." Hikari said, "honestly, sometimes I have that problem too. I think it's because we try to please other people too much, you know?"

"Yeah." Shinji replied, "that feels right. Honestly I've never thought about it before… but… I don't know if it's something I can… well… stop."

"I don't think it's that easy, anyway." Hikari said, "just… once and a while, remind yourself that just because you're affected by the thing, it doesn't always mean it's your fault."

Shinji was quiet for a moment, then said, "like Suzuhara's sister?" Hikari looked at him as he went on, "you said… before… that… I wasn't the only one to decide.. Uh… W-What do you mean by that?"

Hikari considered her thoughts for a moment before responding, "Ikari, when you defeated that monster, you saved the lives of everyone in this city. You saved my life too, and again just now! Even… even if Suzuhara is angry about his sister being accidently hurt, I'm grateful that you protect us. And I don't think you deserve to be hit in the face because of something beyond your control."

Shinji stared into space as he thought that over. "I… I can still do better." He said.

Hikari leaned forward again, saying in a softer tone, "just be kind to your past self, Shinji. We can only learn what we didn't know and do better in the future."

Shinji looked at her and Hikari smiled. Shinji opened his mouth to speak when suddenly the plug lurched. Hikari reached forward to grab the chair while Shinji grabbed the handles.

Then they heard draining. Hikari felt something pass her face. Then they both looked up as the plug hatch was opened to bright flood lights and two suited figures reaching into the plug.

It was dark outside as the kids were led away from the downed entry plug and toward a cluster of self-illuminated tents. It looked like the response to a UFO crash which, Hikari supposed, was an appropriate comparison.

Hikari said as they walked, "Ikari, tell your commanding officer I'm sorry-"

One of the two guards walking with them uttered to interrupt, "no talking."

Shinji and Hikari exchanged glances. She made a small, defeated smile.

Entering into a recovery tent, the kids were face to face with a science team led by a blond woman in a lab coat. Shinji uttered, "d-doctor Akagi…"

The woman looked over the two of them and sighed. "At least you're both in one piece. Shinji, after recovery, Misato will want to talk to you. You," she said to Hikari, "You will need to rinse yourself and your clothes from the contact liquid. Then I will debrief you personally. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am." Hikari replied.

"Good." Ritsuko said. With the pen she held she pointed in a direction. "Shinji, through there. You, come with me."

Shinji took some steps in the direction indicated, but stopped and looked back at Hikari. The class rep opened her mouth to speak, but Ritsuko interrupted, "Now, miss."

"Okay…" Hikari said as she walked to follow. She kept her gaze on Shinji until she was cut off by a wall.

Shinji had been directed to wait in a holding area of his own. The tension was thick in the air as he waited for Misato and her disappointment.

He heard her footsteps before she entered. It had been a troop and equipment carrier, repurposed for quarantine work. He didn't face her as she greeted him with, "Why did you ignore my order?"

The absence of any 'hello' or 'how are you' struck Shinji silently, but he let it pass. She wasn't family, just his caretaker. He couldn't think of an excuse to her question, so he didn't bother trying. "I'm sorry."

"Aren't I your operations director?" Misato's voice asked in an accusing tone.

"Yes ma'am."

"It's your duty to obey my orders. Do you understand that?"

"Yes ma'am." Shinji replied. He had nothing to add or refute in her accusations. The more succinct his answer, the less likely he would draw reprimand.

"Don't let this happen again." Misato toned.

"Yes ma'am."

Misato's head finally turned and she barked at him, "Is this really getting through to you?"

"Yes ma'am…" Shinji uttered, containing the fear he felt.

"Listen, just repeating yes ma'am isn't enough!" Misato said and took a couple of steps towards him. "I need to know you understand what I'm telling you. Shinji!"

"I… I understand you." Shinji replied, "I just thought winning was the only thing that mattered."

"That attitude is going to get you and others killed." Misato said, "If just winning was everything, that girl could have died. I ordered you to get her to safety, then re-engage. How would you feel if she got killed because of your recklessness?"

"I-I saved her though, didn't I?" Shinji uttered.

"Your Eva could have killed her in the wrong circumstances. Then how would you have felt?"

Shinji's hands clenched. After a moment he asked, "Miss Misato… is… is it my fault that people got hurt in the first attack?" He dipped his head, "I was told people were hurt because of what I did."

Misato stared at him as she tried to decide what to say. Amidst all,the damage reports and paperwork surrounding the first Evangelion combat sortie she had not been able to memorize casualty reports. Even then though, she knew such reports were unreliable in counting civilians. Especially anyone who wasn't in a shelter.

"Who told you anyone got hurt?" She asked.

"One of my classmates." Shinji replied.

Finally, she said, "Shinji… in war people will get hurt. It won't always be your fault, and sometimes it will. War isn't always clean cut where only the bad guys get hurt."

Still not looking at her, Shinji asked, "how can I keep people from getting hurt? How… how can I pilot Eva knowing it could make people get hurt?"

"You just get used to it, I guess." Misato replied. "We do the best that we can. We provide shelters for the people who live here and ensure they're protected as much as possible. Anyone who leaves them takes life into thier own hands and accepts the risks. You're not responsible for them if they choose to risk dying."

That answer seemed to make sense, but one thought,still nagged at Shinji. Hikari didnt deserve to die just because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

"M-miss Misato? If it's so dangerous here, why do we let people live here? Why did they build a city in a warzone?"

Misato didn't answer immediately and Shinji still didn't face her. Finally her voice said, "get yourself cleaned up and changed. I have things to,do. I'll arrange for a shuttle to take you back home."

Shinji heard her feet leave the trailer van. He lowered his head, bothered by his unanswered question.

Hikari showered while her clothes were cleaned, then was given a debriefing on the roadside beneath the dead angel. Doctor Akagi was succinct and firm. The information Hikari witnessed was to be considered classified. Her activities would be monitored by NERV for any sign of betraying said secrets to a third party. There were other things that Hikari tried to keep straight, but, by the end of all that, the events of the day were catching up to her.

Hikari at least got transportation back home without having to navigate the bus system. As she sat in the car she went over in her head the things she needed to do as class rep. She needed to check in with the school authorities, call Megumi to catch up on how the situation in the shelter went, and call the Suzuhara and Aida houses at least in the event of the unthinkable.

She got home in the dark. "I'm home!" She called into the house, though her tone was more exhausted than she anticipated. She glanced at the clock in the house- 8pm.

"Welcome home-!" Her sister's tired voice called from the kitchen. Knowing where it came from Hikari stopped and sighed, realizing that she had not been home to prepare dinner on schedule. Now this time was eating into when she was supposed to prepare lunch for the next day. She continued her stride into the kitchen where Kodama was busy over the kitchen tools.

"I'm sorry." Hikari said, "I was-"

Kodama interrupted her, "You really need to apologize to Dad. You promised him you'd organize his reports for this week, remember?"

Hikari sighed at that. Yes, the plan had been when she returned from school that would have been the first thing to do. It wasn't hard, nor was it really time consuming, but it was essential. And her father was already coming back late from the office most days.

Hikari took a breath, then said, "I got involved in the fighting outside today."

Kodama blinked with surprise. "What?" She nearly slammed the serving spoon she was using to stir the noodle pot with. "Hikari, what do you mean, you got involved in the fighting outside? What the hell were you doing? Is that why you're late?"

Energy was being sapped out of Hikari like water being poured from a cup. She was already overwhelmed, and now to deal with this? "Yes." Hikari replied, summing her own indignation. "I had to follow two of my idiot students out of the shelter before they got themselves killed."

Kodama sighed. "Well, at least you're back in one piece." She turned back to the cooking, "Anyway, you need to take this over. I should be studying right now."

"Okay." Hikari replied, listening to the brief run down from her sister about what was done before Kodama vanished upstairs to attend to her college school work. The kitchen was lonely, quiet, and full of tensions that were disturbed from Hikari's unexpected absence.

Nevertheless, like the resourceful class rep she was, she began undertaking the important tasks of cleaning up from the day's events as much as possible. Given how late it was, though, she would have to wait for tomorrow to complete many of them, leaving messages instead. As she started laying out the breakfast boxes for tomorrow, her stomach gurgled. She had to resort to snack bars, set aside for emergencies, for her dinner.

It was 11pm when she completed her bedtime routine and collapsed in her bed. Her eyes were open as she tried to sleep after such a harrowing day.

Somehow she thought of Shinji. The vacant, shell-shocked stare. Him being on the ground after Suzuhara hit him. Crying, with his hands to his face.

"I hope he's okay." Hikari said just before she slipped off to sleep.

II.

Hikari wasn't surprised that Shinji was absent from school the next day.

In other times, and even now, she would have been too busy to notice. But perhaps because of her shared ordeal in the plug with him, she couldn't allow Shinji to just disappear in the background. His absence the next day reached out to her.

During lunch one of Hikari's two friends, Kimiko, asked her, "is it true that you were inside the robot, Hikari?"

Hikari cast the short-haired girl a skeptical glance as she tried to maintain some cover. "Who says that?"

Hikari's other friend, the long-haired Erika, answered in her usual dry tone, "Everyone. It's been the talk of the school ever since yesterday."

Kimiko asked suddenly, "Did you make out with Ikari?"

Hikari would have spit out her drink if she was drinking one. "What? Kimiko, I was in the middle of a battle. The last thing on my mind was making out with anyone! What

are 'they' saying?"

Erika countered, "It would be better if you just told us what happened."

"N-nothing happened." Hikari replied as she thought of Doctor Akagi warnings. "I was too busy being scared out of my wits!"

Erika said, "Aida says he saw you climbing into the robot."

"Did he? Hikari uttered, "Was he saying he was outside the shelter to see it?"

Hikari had wanted to draw a reprimand against the two, but she discovered across this morning that the teens- after fleeing from Hikari- ran back into the shelter with a bogus claim that they were playing truth or dare in another part of the shelter. Since Hikari didn't have any other witnesses, there was no case to be made. That is, unless one of the boys inadvertently incriminates himself.

Hikari was also certain Aida would have captured her adventures in the Eva on camera, if he could. But the thought of trying to play detective, hunting down evidence to punish her students, was exhausting to think about. Bad enough that they nearly got themselves killed.

And she still had to write up the incident report for Suzuhara, who was also absent that day.

"Why can't you just tell us what happened?" Kimiko asked, bringing Hikari back to the present.

Hikari replied, "Look, my life is already complicated enough. NERV said I could get in trouble if I talk about what happened in the robot. Can we just drop it please? This is making me uncomfortable."

"Sure Hikari…" Erika uttered, but Hikari saw the wry grin and realized with a sigh that she wouldn't escape being the subject of saucy rumors between herself and Shinji. She was glad at least that he wasn't here to witness them. Not when he wanted to disappear.

After school she attended to her tasks as class rep; assisting the scheduled student with class cleaning, organizing the assignment for tomorrow, then following up with any student who required a wellness check.

Normally she skipped this step, since she usually knew the reason why her students were out. Not this time though, since Shinji was absent without reason. She succumbed to the temptation to call Shinji's home and determine if he was ok.

"Hi! Katsuragi residence, Misato speaking!" The woman on the other end answered, "what can I do for ya?"

Hikari had been calling from the classroom, and her head lifted a little with surprise in the empty room. "E-excuse me, is Shinji Ikari there? This is Miss Horaki, class representative. He didn't come to school today, so I wanted to check in with him."

"Is he in trouble?"

"No no, I'm just calling to follow up." Hikari said.

"Horaki… you're that girl from yesterday with Shinji, right?"

Hikari blinked. That was supposed to be confidential. "I-im afraid I'm not at liberty to say…"

Misato laughed on the other end. "You can relax, miss Horaki, I'm Shinji's superior officer. I'm the one who told you to get into the plug for your own safety."

"Oh… oh!" Hikari said as she connected the dots. She also remembered what Shinji said about this woman's housekeeping.

Misato continued, "Let's not say any more about this over the phone, kay? You want to talk to Shinji?"

"If he's available, yes."

"He's been in his room most of the day. One moment~!" Misato sang.

Hikari waited patiently on the phone, unaware she was idly playing with the phone cord, wrapping it around one of her fingers. She caught herself just as she heard Misato's voice through the phone.

"Shinji! You have a phone call!... Yes, it's for you!... Are you sure? It's the class rep. Yes, her. She wants to talk to you."

Shinji was on the phone a moment later. "H-hello?"

"Ikari!" Hikari said, "It's the class rep. You didn't appear in class today… did… did you need a day off?"

She surprised herself. Normally she was holding students to account for their absence, not making excuses for them.

Shinji didn't respond at first, but then said, "Aah…yeah… yeah I… I'm not… not feeling… okay."

Hikari found herself smiling. "That's fine, I'm not surprised you were gone, I just wanted to see how you were doing. You didn't miss much in class anyway."

Another pause from Shinji before he asked, "Those two students… are they…"

Indignant, Hikari replied, "Those stooges ran back to the shelter. They're fine, Ikari."

Relief from him blew out over the phone. "I'm glad." He said.

A silence hung between them for a moment. Finally Hikari said, "um… will I see you tomorrow, or do you want another day off?"

"I… I don't know yet." Shinji replied, "I've been taking it day by day."

"Okay." Hikari replied, "We'll take it day by day. Take care of yourself Ikari, I'll talk to you soon! Goodbye!"

"W-Wait!" Shinji's voice called through the phone.

Hikari hesitated, gripping the phone with her other hand now too. "Yes?"

"...I didn't get the chance to thank you. For… for talking to me, in the plug. I… It meant a lot to me."

In spite of herself Hikari found heat rising in her cheeks. "I… It was nice to talk to you too, Ikari." Her fingers were twirling the phone cord again. "I really enjoyed getting to know you."

"S-Same! Um… would… would you like to do it again, sometime?"

Hikari's fingers were working. "I think I'd like that. Would you like to join me for lunch tomorrow?"

"U-Um…Maybe… It depends…"

"Okay." Hikari said, still feeling the heat in her cheeks, "Maybe I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"Mmh!" Shinji replied, "Bye!"

"Bye!" Hikari said and then she heard Shinji hang up.

Hikari held the phone in her hand for a moment, then realized what her fingers had done. Blinking with surprise, she untangled her hand and replaced the phone on the wall receiver. She stared at it for a moment, puzzled about what she was feeling, then glanced at the clock and immediately rushed to finish her responsibilities in the classroom. It was getting late.

Shinji replaced the phone. He looked at it in awe that the call went as well as it did. Someone from school wanted to talk to him. Yes, it was an official call, but it didn't feel like one.

Misato came into the kitchen then. "Making friends already, eh Shinji? I'm impressed!"

Modest, Shinji just sighed, "That was just the class rep checking up on me. N-nothing special."

"Uh-huh." Misato said with mock skepticism in her tone.

Shinji hesitated a moment.,then said to Misato as she headed to her room, "M-misato…"

She stopped and looked at Shinji.

"I'm… im sorry for disobeying your orders, earlier. I… I just thought, I could do what you wanted… anyway."

She turned around to face him. "Apology accepted, Shinji. Just…" she glanced away to think, then looked back at him to continue, "Sometimes my orders can be the difference between life and death. If I tell you to do something, it could be for a very important reason. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Shinji said.

Misato relaxed a little. "That said, sometimes in the moment the right call needs to happen before it's made. You'll learn that with experience. I can let this battle slide because, at the end of the day, our job is to beat Angels. But you can't risk the lives of innocent people in these kinds of things."

"I-i know… it won't happen again." Shinji said.

"Good." Misato smiled at him. "Thank you for your apology Shinji." She turned to go and stopped in the door frame, "Oh, I picked up new trash bags for you. They're under the sink when you need them!"

"Oh!" Shinji said, his mind suddenly snapping to his responsibilities, "o-okay. Thanks!"

Misato smiled again then returned to her room, leaving Shinji alone in the space. Looking over at the chore chart, today was Tuesday. He was responsible for dinner, trash, and cleaning the bathroom. He took in a breath as he examined all that and tried to schedule out how the rest of the evening was going to go. He still needed to figure out what he and Misato were having for dinner.

Sighing, he said, "all right, I guess I'll need to see what's in the refrigerator."

Hikari wasted little time getting home. She walked, as usual, crossing over a kilometer of distance before arriving at home before her sisters.

With the house empty this was the time to do chores. Since today was Tuesday, it was the day to vacuum. Dress down to home clothes, empty the vacuum bag, then set to work. All the common areas had a pass, even the upstairs hall, and since she was ahead of schedule she did her room.

When she was finished, Kodama returned to drop off Nozomi. Only the younger sister entered, Kodama had to immediately drive to work. "Hi sis!" Nozomi greeted as she walked to the kitchen.

"Welcome home!" Hikari replied as she put away the vacuum and looked at the time. Now she would be setting about her homework before she needed to cook dinner. She gathered her bag and went to the living room to set up. On mondays she had to go to her room instead, since Nozomi had a TV program she wanted to watch, and it was too distracting to work in there.

Her alarm set to start making dinner, Hikari started on her homework, but her mind wandered to other things. She still needed to write a reprimand letter for Toji before it got any later than it already was. She needed to think about who to schedule for class cleanup duty next week. She wondered how Shinji was doing.

Her pencil tapped the paper as she wondered… why Shinji? Usually it was Toji on her mind. Thinking about Toji now though, she couldn't evade that sickening thought she still had to come to grips with. 'This is something we have to settle between men. You wouldn't understand.'

She had heard that before. And in her experience it was often an excuse for unjust cruelty. From macho martial Arts movies to schoolyard fights sparked over trying to prove something, she had come to loathe that sentiment.

She thought she had known Toji, but the shock of seeing that side of him was too… too unsettling. She sigh-

Her alarm went off. Hikari straightened, bolt upright and realized daydreaming had destroyed her productivity. She would need to start dinner now with her homework only partially completed.

Sighing she packed the things up, then marched into the kitchen. She started to make dinner when she discovered the rice she had intended for tonight's sushi had been used up. A bowl was placed in the sink with district cartoon-colored chopsticks thrown in. With horror, Hikari realized Nozomi had just destroyed her dinner plans with a careless snack.

Hikari sighed. This meant a shouting match with her little sister, again, over using food intended for dinner. But before that she would need to figure out what to feed everyone instead.

"Okay," she sighed, "let's see if there's anything in the refrigerator."

Shinji collapsed on his bed hours later, after completing dinner and washing up. His chores were done at last.

The way Misato danced away from the dinner table after all his hard work left him with a small note of resentment, but he knew there wasn't anything he could do about it. He had no other place to be, no other place to go.

He grunted as he remembered he still had homework to complete… that is, if he was going to school tomorrow. He still hadn't made up his mind about that. Or, even, if he wanted to stay here in tokyo-3, if it meant he would be hurting people.

The pen and envelope for his intended goodbye letter were still on his desk. He had been equivocating over whether to leave when the class rep had called for him.

He thought of her then, and felt a tinge of anticipation for meeting with her tomorrow. He had come out of his conversation in the plug feeling… recognized. It had been the longest conversation he had had with someone his age in a long time. And a girl! He knew he was ham-fisted talking to women, but for some reason in the dark of that plug it had been easy to speak to the class rep, Hikari. She wasn't judging him.

"I guess I'm going after all." Shinji said as he felt in his mind the draw to go to class. Going to a place where someone could hear him was a sufficient draw, it seems.

"I wonder what she's doing right now…" Shinji wondered aloud, before grunting as he eased off the bed. He grabbed his bag, sat at the desk, then moved aside his intended farewell letter in order to start on his homework.

III.

Hikari rose early. She needed to in order to complete her chores. The sun wasn't even up yet.

She shuffled her feet through the darkened house to the kitchen. She set her father's coffee maker on, set the pot on the stove unit, then went to fetch the rice only to remember, again, that they were out. Sighing deeply, she resigned herself to facing complaints from her father and Kodama, and started with cooking everything else. She would have to make a stop at a store sometime today to get rice and hold out for the weekend's shopping run.

Her father was first up. "Morning." The burly Bunzaemon Horaki grunted. He was still in his pajamas, here to collect his plate and move to the living room to watch morning tv.

"Good morning dad!" Hikari chirped as she had rehearsed for so long.

Bunzaemon grunted back in his usual, tired greeting. He took his plate and his coffee, trudged two steps and stopped as he looked at his plate. "Where's the rice?"

"We're out." Hikari said as she was finishing up her sister's meals, "Nozomi snacked on the last of it, remember?"

Last night Bunzaemon had been concerning himself with the newspaper over dinner, and like usual just carried on if the interruption was easily ignored. That was the case here too, as he continued trudging out of the kitchen and headed for the living room without saying anything else.

Hikari worked to finish breakfast for her sisters next. Kodama, fully dressed, was the next to appear in the kitchen.

Throughout the day Hikari had been in her own head as she worked. By the time her older sister came out Hikari was thinking again about her feelings over Toji. Was she in the wrong in assuming the worst about him from one phrase? Was punching other people just… an acceptable thing boys did? Kodama had been a class rep herself and the closest thing to a mother she had known. Hikari wanted to talk to her.

"Hey, big train." Hikari greeted. Long ago, nicknames based on the shikaisen had developed to signal when one of them needed to talk.

"Morning." A breathy Kodama said to her, completely missing the cue as she grabbed breakfast. "I missed my alarm. Don't forget to pick up rice on your way home from school."

"...i won't." Is what Hikari responded with, stuck on pause as her sister vacated the room. Hikari's head dropped a little as she was trapped in the reality that nobody would, or could, hear her.

She barely registered when Nozomi entered and took her breakfast without even acknowledging Hikari. The class rep was, at last, working on her own breakfast.

Nozomi was almost out the door of the kitchen when she asked, "where's the rice?"

Hikari, without turning, toned angrily, "Nozomi, don't start with me this morning, you know you ate it all yesterday!"

"Oh." The little girl responded and left the room, leaving Hikari alone in the kitchen.

Close to tears, Hikari finished making her breakfast and ate it alone. After that she would need to run upstairs, change, and go to school.

When she arrived she unlocked the classroom and began organizing the papers and assignments for the day. She glanced between the syllabus and the curriculum plan laid out for the week.

Still despondent from this morning a small, honest part of her mind realized all of this was futile. Mr. Mikasa, their instructor, was old and flighty. More than once Hikari had to gently nudge him back on topic- a fact the class took advantage of to never take the man seriously. The only reason the class had any cohesion was from the effort Hikari put into it- from grading to discipline to organizing. As was the class rep's duty.

She took a moment to sigh to herself in that empty classroom, collect her thoughts, and launch into the day.

The door was unlocked and the first kids streamed in. Hikari noted their attendance and gave them the printout for today's work. This was an easy task, one she could pay half a mind to as she did other things.

She noted the appearance of her friends and toned at Aida to suggest to him she still wasn't happy with the stunt he pulled days ago.

But she did a double take when Shinji was here. She raised her head. "Ah! You came today!"

Shinji opened his mouth to speak when laughter caught their attention. They looked across the room. Both Erika and Kimiko were looking in their direction as they sat with some of the other girls.

Shinji blinked with surprise. "D-did I miss something?"

Hikari glanced about before she said up to Shinji, voice low, "There are some… rumors going around class about what you and I did in the robot the other day."

"Oh." Shinji uttered, calling up the emotions surrounding that day. "W-what are they saying?"

The girls behind them giggled again, and Hikari decided to give up. "Don't worry about it, Shinji. We can talk about it later."

"O-okay…" Shinji said and moved off. Hikari heard giggles again as she bowed her head to the attendance pad to mark Shinji's presence.

She did mark Ayanami's entry, and Suzuhara was absent for his week of suspension. "Stand!" She commanded as Mister Mikasa entered at last.

Hikari counted this time. She needed to correct Mr. Mikasa six times in the first half of the day. She felt bad for doing so; she shouldn't be focusing on the hard aspects of the job in search of dissatisfaction. She volunteered to help her classmates, be a good example, and get an edge for later in life. Her mother and older sister had been class reps- she was doing good enough of a job.

But since the battle it felt like something had changed. She had to deal with the fallout of her feelings with Suzuhara. Shinji, now in her orbit, was someone she was concerned for besides being just another classmate. The stresses of everyday life up until now were wearing on her and she had nobody to speak to about them.

Aware that she was ruminating she shook her head to clear it and age with the class. Quiet tittering got her attention and she turned her head.

The laptops were out for this assignment. Immediately she spotted an uncomfortable Shinji and two girls looking mischievous at the back of the room. Noticing Hikari, they immediately returned to paying attention, and Hikari could no longer catch them in the act. She looked back at Shinji, who glanced her way.

Hikari sighed. There was no way to restrict computer use beyond what the school technicians were able to program in. And her classmates (Kensuke in particular) always found ways around the restrictions. She just had to live with some degree of delinquency in class, as much as she wanted to get everyone to focus.

She was afraid to admit that Mr. Mikasa made that particularly hard.

When lunch came she finished a few quick procedures as class rep- mostly in reviewing her books and setting papers aside. She looked up then to see Shinji approaching. He smiled when she saw her. "I-"

Titters across the room drew their attention and both of them glanced across the room. Erika and Kimiko, along with another girl Sarah, had clustered on one end of the room and were turning away from looking at them.

Hikari watched them for a moment more and knew this was only the beginning of the rumors and innuendo. Though her friends had been the closest connections she had here, if she was going to be made into an object of ridicule…

"Ikari," Hikari asked the boy, "Do you want to eat outside the classroom?"

Shinji blinked. "Uh…sure!"

They both ate lunch on the stairs just down the hall from the door into 2-A. Hikari pulled her head up with surprise. "You want my casserole recipe?"

Shinji shrugged. "I didn't know what to cook last night, and I remember what you said… said in the plug. I-i know some things, but I want to start branching out. When you told me about that casserole I wanted to try it."

Hikari stared at him for a second before she started laughing. "Of course! I'd be happy to share!"

Shinji still looked like he started a little. "W-whats so funny?"

"Hmm? Oh!" Hikari said and pulled herself together. "I'm sort, I just expected that you would have asked me about something else."

"L-like what?" A blushing Shinji asked.

"Oh! Um…" Hikari hesitated and set her bento on her lap. "Well… I thought you were going to talk to me about something that happened in class today. I saw you looking uncomfortable."

Shinji shook his head. "It's… it's nothing." He looked at her. "Someone's asking me a lot of questions about what I did with you in… in the plug. They weren't happy with what I was telling them. I think they wanted me to tell them something specific."

Hikari uttered. "They think you and I did something lewd in the plug, Shinji."

"What? Really? Ugh!" The kid said and blushed, "w-why would they think that?"

"Because it's gossip." Hikari said. "Relationships can create a lot of drama, and people love to hear about it."

"I wish people would mind their own business." Shinji replied. His chopsticks picked further into his bento. After a moment he said, "i-im not used to… this kind of attention."

Hikari smiled a little. "I can tell. I thought you would want to eat by yourself today."

Shinji looked at his meal. "I-it's not that I don't want to have friends… or anything… I just have a hard time getting close to people." He looked at her, "You know?"

Hikari shrugged, "I don't know Shinji, I barely knew you two days ago. Now we know about one another's hobbies, we've just spent lunch together, and I'm going to give you one of my cooking recipes. I think that's a good start."

When he looked at her, Hikari smiled a little. He smiled back a little and blushed before turning away.

A thought hit Hikari then, and she frowned a little. "It… it isn't a problem is it?"

"What? N-no!" Shinji replied, "A-actually… I… I really like talking to you. I… I've never had anyone to talk to like this before."

Hikari found herself blushing. "Oh… really? You've never…?"

Shinji was still looking away from her. "L-like I said… I have a hard time opening up, usually. It always seems like people know everything about me without actually talking to me. You know?"

Hikari went from looking at him to staring at her meal in thought. It surprised her how much his words resonated with her. She clutched her bento a little. "Everyone sees me as the class rep first, because that's all I am to them. Nobody… nobody really gets to know me as Hikari."

Shinji looked at her, then at the floor, then at her again as he turned to face her. "W-Well… um…" Hikari's words a moment ago played again in his head and he looked at her, "I-I think I've gotten to know you well. I… I don't know if I'm just safe to talk to or… um…"

He trailed off. Hikari, looking at him, smiled. "Shinji," She said, "You're the only one who bothered to ask me those kinds of questions. You don't… assume…" She looked away, "Like everyone else."

Shinji looked at her for a moment to realize she had just said his sentiments back at him. He uttered in sympathy, "Class rep…."

She looked at him again and smiled plainly. "You can call me Hikari, Shinji."

Just then the bell rang to reassemble class.

Once class ended the students scattered. Hikari, as per her duties, was organizing and arranging the collected homework. She checked the schedule for class cleaning tonight. Seeing it was Aida, she stood from her desk looked for him as the students streamed out of class, but he was already gone. Hikari sat back down angrily in a huff, realizing she would have to do it all herself.

And she STILL needed to stop at the grocery store for more bagged rice.

Shinji, hanging back, saw her distress. He hesitated a little before he pushed himself to talk to her. "U-uh, H-Hikari? A-are you… okay?"

Hikari took in a breath to center herself. "I'm… fine Shinji, just dealing with unexpected things." She turned to him and smiled. "Thank you for coming today! I know it's not much but…"

Hikari trailed off as Kimiko and Erika traveled by, the latter winking in Hikari's direction while the class rep was trying to talk. Shinji noticed Hikari's distraction and looked at the girls who left.

Once they were gone Hikari shook her head. "I'm sorry, what was I saying?"

Shinji smiled at her. "You were…. Were thanking me for coming in today. I've… I've never experienced that, either. Thank you."

Hikari smiled back. "I'm glad I could turn your day around Shinji! You seemed so sad in the robot, that day, too."

"Y-yeah…" Shinji replied. The plug seemed so long ago. "Well… I should… let you do your closing duties. I-im sorry for keeping you."

"It's no,problem!" Hikari replied, "Safe trip home!"

Shinji smiled again as he turned for the door. Watching him, an impulse hit her. "Ah… Shinji?"

The boy stopped in the door. "Yeah?"

"Actually," she said, "if it isn't too much trouble, can you help me clean up the classroom? Today is Aida's day, but he must have forgotten." She bowed a little, "feel free to say no, I don't mean to-"

"Sure!" Shinji replied, "I can help. Just let me know what you need me to do!"

Hikari smiled again.

It was getting late in the evening as the two of them were walking side by side, each with a bag of groceries in thier hands.

Hikari was skeptical. "Really. A carrot?"

"Mn!" Shinji replied with a firm nod. "It helps break up the acidity of the tomato. I… i don't know if you eat western food other than that casserole, but…"

Hikari shrugged. "My older sister Kodama occasionally requests western, though I haven't tried to make it much. Something grilled."

"Grilled? I have." Shinji replied, "my Sensei had some interest in it, so I learned how to cook some of it."

Hikari smirked. "How about this; you give me the recipe for something western and I'll give you what I make for my casserole. Deal?"

"Deal." Shinji nodded firmly. Then smiled.

They walked for a little longer together. Hikari wrestled with herself again as she realized how open she had been with Shinji. Should… should she open up to him a little more?

As she held her bag and groceries with,both hands in front of her, her fingers picked at one another. "So um…" she started, "w-whats it like to live with your commanding officer?"

"M-miss Misato?" Shinji said and glanced at her before his eyes returned to the road. How much should he tell her? "I-its fine… but…."

"But?" Hikari asked, looking at him.

Feeling outed, Shinji sighed, "When I first moved in we assigned chores with rock paper scissors. I… uh… didn't play well."

Hikari glanced at him again, "so… does this mean you're doing most of the house work?"

"Uh… sorta." Shinji uttered, embarrassed.

Hikari stopped herself from laughing at the absurdity, and said instead, "Well, that sounds silly. And unfair."

Shinji just shrugged. "Maybe it is… but… Misato didn't have to take me in. I feel this is a way to make up for that. Besides um…" Hikari glanced at him again, so he added, "M-misato isn't a good cook."

That made Hikari giggle. "I see. I don't blame you for wanting to make sure you have good food to eat." She looked away as she reached another threshold of openness. After a small moment to consider, she nodded to herself and said, "I cook for my entire family, actually."

Shinji, recalling what he knew of her family, glanced at her. "Is it… every meal?"

"Mmhmm." Hikari replied. "I do a lot of chores too. Vacuuming… cleaning… it's because I'm the only one at home in the afternoon."

"You told me your older sister is in college. Is that why?"

"She works too, to put herself through college. It leaves nobody to take care of the house but me. So," she smiled at him, "I can definitely understand having a lot to do when you get home."

Shinji smiled a little. "It's not so bad… I listen to my SDAT player while I work. Um… have you ever tried that? Listening to music?"

Hikari shook her head. "I need to be able to hear when people come home and any alarms I might set. I wish I could, though."

Something else occurred to Shinji. "S-speaking of chores um… do you… have uh, white stuff in your water?"

"White stuff?"

"Yeah, is it cloudy when you take water from the sink?"

"You mean hard water? Does it build up in your tea kettle?"

"Hard water?" Shinji uttered.

Hikari smirked. "It's minerals in the water. The purification system in the city isn't as thorough. It's drinkable but it can't filter out everytging." She smiled at him. "We use water purifiers to filter that out. If I knew, I would have shown you where they were."

Shinji side-eyed her. "Maybe next time?"

Hikari smiled.

They came up to a crosswalk then and Hikari stepped up to one crossing while Shinji continued straight. "Oh," he said, "I-I guess this is where we seperate?"

"Looks like it." Hikari said as the light changed for her. "I'll see you tomorrow Shinji! I'll have the recipe then!"

"B-bye!" Shinji replied with a wave and watched her leave, a small smile on his face. Had… had he… made a friend?

He continued on his walk alone back towards Misato's apartment, thinking over the past few days. They were difficult, sure, but being able to open up to someone… someone to just talk to… he had nothing like that before this. It was the first connection his age where he didn't feel threatened or dismissed by the other. It… it was nice.

He made it home before too long. "I'm home!" He called.

Nobody responded. Misato must be at work- it was hit or miss whether she would be back from work by now. Shinji supposed today was one of those days she was kept back working.

So Shinji proceeded like he had the house to himself. He dropped his bag and the groceries on the kitchen table and sighed in the silence. Then he smiled a little at the thought of the day. "I… I have a friend."

He couldn't bask in that knowledge for long as Pen Pen emerged from the bathroom then and padded his wet feet across the tile. Shinji watched the bird make his way to the refrigerator, liberate a beer, then plod to his cooler and hop inside.

This episode reminded Shinji of the house work, homework, and other responsibilities he had to perform. He sighed again and set about putting groceries away, then ventured into the bathroom to get the mop and bucket. The kitchen, entry way, and bathroom floors needed to be cleaned. After that was Homework, then the start to make dinner.

Shinji grabbed his SDAT and started on his chores.

Part II: the days that grow our seeds

IV.

Suzuhara's return to class was without fanfare or announcement. Hikari glanced at him as he silently passed her desk, staring ahead as if she were invisible.

She watched him go back to his seat, then hesitated when she turned back to her attendance pad to mark his presence. Over the days of Tojis absence she still wondered if she did the right thing with his suspension. But the policy regarding assaults on other students was clear. And to do any less than her duty would mean she condoned- on some level- what Toji did.

She sighed sadly at the space where she held her affections for the boy. It was still marred with the image of Toji pummeling Shinji in the face, and the sickening need to punish Suzuhara. How she had once admired him. Now?

Now, a week after the battle, the dynamics of her world had shifted. It wasn't even just with Suzuhara, but Shinji as well.

The teacher came in just then. She commanded the class to stand and perform their duty.

When lunch came Hikari clutched her bento and tried to decide what to do. She turned her head to look out at the class.

Lunchtime companionship had been back and forth over the week between her girlfriends and Shinji- mostly depending on the latter. Shinji occasionally ate alone, leaving Hikari free to sit with Erika and Kimiko. But when Shinji came to see her they always had lunch together with no interference from Kimiko and Erika.

One day though, Hikari was affectionately needled by her friends. "So when are you going to ask him out?" Erika had asked.

"He's just a friend." Hikari had replied that lunch time, "what is it with you? Do you have a bet that Shinji and I will get together or something?"

Kimiko had chipped in then, "We want to see you happy Hikari, and have you seen Ikari? He's handsome!"

"I don't need a boyfriend to be happy." Hikari responded then and nothing more was said. Ever since then she had been ruminating on that response… what was Shinji to her, really?

Of everyone she had known in school, Shinji had become the only person she could open up to about certain things. And she suspected, after talking to him for this long, it was the same with him.

She blinked to come out of her thoughts as she saw Shinji stand from his desk. He looked at her. "U-um… are you free?"

"I think so." Hikari replied and looked across the room toward Erika and Kimiko. It seemed like they had already chosen to eat with Sarah today, which was happening a lot more recently. "Yes, I'm free."

Shinji sat beside her in an empty seat and opened his bento. "I-i wanted to ask you… um… about Ayanami."

Hikari opened her own bento and said, "I don't know how much I can give you if gossip is what you're looking for."

"Gossip? Uh… no… um…" the nervous Shinji replied.

Hikari blinked as it occurred to her that Shinji might be asking for personal details about Ayanami. Perhaps also for some advice. She found herself blushing a little at the thought but… she felt something else too. She waited with a tense breath for Shinji to make his request.

"H-have you known Ayanami for long?" Shinji asked.

Hikari glanced over at the blue haired girl in class. Rei was eating alone, apparently unbothered. She answered Shinji, "No, I first met her this year. She's… distant. Most of the time I see her staring out that window."

"O-oh." Shinji replied.

Hikari glanced again at Ayanami and then looked at her lunch as she grabbed another roll with her chopsticks. "I'm surprised you don't know more about her… aren't you both robot pilots?"

"Yes… but… we haven't worked together or anything like that. I-i was hoping maybe you would know something about her."

"No, I'm sorry. She's a fairly private person."

"Yeah… okay. Thank you." Shinji bobbed his head and ate more of her food. Then he came up and asked, "so um… H-have you tried the recipe I gave you yet?"

A small wave of relief hit Hikari when Shinji moved the topic. She blinked, wondering why that was. She flinched and returned to Shinji's question. "Ah… no. Not yet! there are a few things I need to get still. Soon!"

Shinji smiled at her and went on, "I tried the casserole. Misato didn't like it, but Pen Pen and I did."

"Pen pen? Who's that, a pet?"

"Er… yeah, you can say that!" Shinji replied.l

Class ended without much incident. Shinji looked at his homework assignments again with confusion before he put them back into his bag. He stood and fished his SDAT cables out of his pocket on his way to the door. He hesitated and glanced in Hikari's direction on the way out.

The girl was busy talking with the student, Sarah, who was going to be cleaning up the class. Shinji waited behind to give Hikari a wave before departing class. "See you tomorrow, Shinji!" She called to him.

Though he enjoyed going with Hikari to the store together on their first day as friends, Shinji didn't want to be a creep, so he proceeded home as he usually did. The thought on his mind was which chores to tackle when he felt a jab on his shoulder.

He turned and pulled his headphones out, then stagger-jumped away with surprise.

It was the kids who attacked him the day the latest Angel came to the city. The bespectacled one was pulling back from tapping Shinji's shoulder. Several paces Behind that boy was the jock. The one who had hit him.

Shinji kept his distance. "W-what do you want?"

The one with the glasses spoke. "Hey Ikari, we just want to have a talk, kay? Toji wants to apologize." He leaned forward and uttered behind a shielding hand, "seems like his little sister tore into him for hitting you and getting himself suspended. So now he's got to make it right."

The glasses boy stepped back, then motioned for Suzuhara to get closer. The jock approached, staring ahead, fists balled. "Ikari," he said, "I shouldn't have hit you twice. Hit me back, it's gotta be fair. I can't live with myself otherwise."

"What?" Shinji said, "I can't do that!"

The other boy shrugged. "Suzuhara can be melodramatic. C'mon, if it'll bury the hatchet, just hit em."

Shinji stared at Suzuhara, and then at his hand. He hesitated, drawing the moment into an awkward pause.

Aida sighed. "Come on Ikari, what are you waiting for? The class rep isn't here- just give Toji a wallop so you can both feel better."

Shinji looked at Aida, then Suzuhara, then the ground. He tightened his fist… Hikari.. Didn't have to know… his tightened knuckles waivered…

But his only friend was so angry when fists were thrown like this. And if she found out Shinji reciprocated the violence, what would she think of him? For the first time in his life, someone was listening to him. He didn't want to throw that away.

"N-no.." Shinji said, stepping back, "No, I can't. Im sorry."

Toji broke the stoic facade. "What are you, a wuss? Come on Ikari, I'm giving you a fair shot. Just hit me! It's only fair!"

Shinji shook his head, "I couldn't live with myself if I did!" He turned and ran from the boys as hard as he could.

Toji and Kensuke were left in silence as Shinji ran. Kensuke groaned his sigh as he pushed the glasses up his face. "Well… I guess that's that. At least you got to say your peace, he's just not the physical kind it seems."

Toji stared at Ikari's retreating from, fists clenched. "Fine, asshole. Think you're better than the rest of us? See if I do you any favors."

Kensuke, hearing that, turned his head as Toji marched away. The boy with the glasses heaved a sigh and followed his friend, knowing that Toji took Shinji's reluctance to strike back as willful disrespect. "The guy doesn't want to draw blood, so what?" Kensuke muttered to himself. But trying to convince Toji of anything was a nigh impossible task. Kensuke wondered if he should try. It isn't as if he was friends with Ikari. The robot pilot.

"Awh… shit." Kensuke uttered as he realized any chance of getting close to the Evangelion's main pilots would likely put him at odds with his best friend.

Shinji couldn't relax until he could close Misato's door, separating himself from the world. He ran almost the whole way, feeling Toji's expectations and judgment haunting his footsteps as he went.

He couldn't go back to class now, for fear of facing Toji eventually. But… he told Hikari he would…

Shinji groaned as he walked down the entry hall and turned into the kitchen, remembering to shout, "I'm home!"

"Welcome home!" Misato's voice called from within, shaking Shinji's already uneasy attitude. Knowing he would still need to make an appearance, he walked into the kitchen. Misato was there in her home tank top and shorts. She was standing in front of the refrigerator, having just pulled out a beer. "You look like you've seen a ghost! Something happen at school?"

"I-its nothing. Nothing important." Shinji replied and walked in to go to the bathroom. "Just… guy stuff."

"Oh! Okay!" Misato responded and dismissed with a lofty wave, curious but willing to get her ward keep some mystery.

In the bathroom Shinji was able to hide and settle his thoughts. As much as he dreaded how this Suzuhara was going to regard him, the more he thought about it, the more he was happy with the decision to stay his hand. He wouldn't have been able to face Hikari if he had done what the bully had asked.

His mind went back and forth over what to do. Skip class for a few days and hope it blows over, or go and risk being cornered by Suzuhara again?

"I avoided responsibility." Shinji uttered as he described how he handled that situation to himself. " I… I am a weakling."

Feeling chastised, he also realized he was hiding from Misato, too. "I… I mustn't run away…."

Those were easy words to say. But to live them?

"I mustn't run away,.."

There was no power in the phrase as he uttered it, because he knew it was a lie. He always ran. He ran from Suzuhara. He was running from Misato. "I'm… im scum."

Maybe he wouldn't go to class tomorrow after all.

He emerged and started his routine. Chores, specifically laundry and vacuuming, had to be done before he set about his homework. Misato was mostly in her room for this, emerging only after Shinji had finished vacuuming. "Got a surprise for you kiddo!" Misato said as she clapped then rubbed her hands together. "Tonight, sit back and let the captain do the cooking!"

Shinji had sampled Misato's cooking before. "O-oh? You uh… have something new?"

Misato happily nodded. "I actually took the effort to pick up a cookbook this time! I even have the ingredients!"

"Ah!" Shinji replied, hoping he was projecting more enthusiasm than trepidation. "G-good! I'm… looking forward to trying it!"

"Great!" Misato beeped, "and Doctor Akagi is dropping by too! So you'll both get to try it!"

The tub, as always, was a refuge. Under the warm water Shinji cradled his injured stomach that still smarted from Misato's cooking. Well, hers had been a valiant effort, at least.

He recalled Reis' ID card.

Shinji went over the dinner conversation again in his mind. Misato's teasing. Doctor Akagi claiming Rei was all thumbs. Staring at her ID card as he was reminded again of how little he knew her. The ideal time to give Ayanami this card was when she was at school. That is, if she was even at school.

Where Suzuhara would be.

"What… what do i do?" He muttered into the water.

Hikari came to mind.

When he considered why, he realized it was because he wanted someone to talk to about what to do. Someone who wouldn't needle him about his hesitance about Ayanami. Someone who would take him seriously.

Shinji had a cell phone he hadn't used yet. If he knew the class rep's number, he could have called her. Talked to her. Got that second opinion in helping him find the best decision.

Even if he had her number though, it was too late now to call. And she surely wouldn't want to be bothered… but… what were friends for, if not also to be an ear to listen to? How long had he wanted to have a friend to talk to like this?

The more he thought about it, the more his gut was telling him to go to class. Because it also occurred to him that as class rep, Hikari could protect him again if anything went wrong with Suzuhara.

He sighed in that tub. "Okay," he said to himself, his tone full of nervousness, "I'll go."

Shinji didn't sleep well that night.

V.

Hikari, as usual, set about her morning like clockwork. She rose, brushed her teeth, and prepared breakfast for the clan. It was only when she was preparing her own that she realized something. She was looking forward to class today.

This… this was different from the optimism class reps had about working with their teachers to help students. This… this was knowing that out there was a person she could relate to. Someone who understood the crunch. Someone she could say these things to, who would listen to her.

The hairbrush slowed and her eyes blinked up to the mirror while she stood in her room and dressed for the day. What was Shinji becoming to her?

"He's… a friend." Hikari breathed out and the brush continued sweeping through her hair. "Just a friend."

After all, what did she really know about him? Just… his family, his fears, his hobbies…

She kept brushing.

Shinji rose early, groggy and slow from the lack of sleep last night. He trudged his way out of the room and headed into the kitchen to start making breakfast. It was lazy but standard: an egg served over some lettuce, sausages, and a bowl of rice for the side.

He was eating his meal when Misato came in, groggy herself and clutching her stomach. "M-morning." She grumbled and scraped her way across the kitchen to the refrigerator.

It always astounded Shinji when he witnessed Misato's transformation when drinking her first Beer of the day. Cheering loudly and slamming the beer to,the table, one would think she ran on the stuff like fuel. "This is the good stuff!"

Shinji was already standing by the door. "I'm leaving." He said simply.

Misato looked at him. "Leaving early? You aren't trying to hide anything, are you?"

"Me? What would I be hiding? And how?"

Misato smirked and waved the can at him. "Maybe a secret rendezvous with a special girl, ahh?"

Shinji sighed in annoyance. "It's not like that. I just wanted to ask a friend for some advice."

"Ooh, advice huh? You want some advice?" Misato winked at him, "girls always love it when a man shows off without being boastful. If you can master that, youll go far!"

"Uhh, thanks." Shinji replied and left.

"Good luck Shinji!" Misato called after him.

Shinji did not dignify Misato's teasing with a further response. Instead as he slipped out the door, it occurred to him again how many times Misato missed the mark with her assumptions about him. He sighed.

The commute route on foot had fewer people visible in that cold morning. Rubbing his arms with his hands, Shinji was made to regret not bringing a sweater. He arrived at the school just as the curtain of the dawn had drawn back into day.

He was the first student to arrive, finding the class door unlocked. "Um… hello?"

Hikari was the only person in class, sitting behind a pile of papers she was organizing. She looked up and blinked with surprise. "Shinji! What are you doing here this early?"

"I.. Um…" Shinji was suddenly self conscious to be here. He arrived before any possibility of anyone else coming to, effectively, hide behind Hikari in case there were problems. In that moment he also realized, yes, he did want to see her.

"Is something wrong?" She asked him.

Feeling like he was called out, Shinji bobbed his head as he debated whether to bother her with news of yesterday. But… as he came this early, and wished he could have spoken to her earlier, he had to come out with it. "I… um… something happened with Suzuhara yesterday…."

"Yesterday? What happened, he didn't hit you again did he?"

"N-N-no… but… he wanted me to hit him. Said… said it would be fair. I didn't know what to do, but I didn't because… um…" Shinji hesitated.

Hikari waited out his hesitance, then asked with a downturned tone she asked, "You didn't want to hit someone."

"I um…" Shinji looked at his hand as he grappled with being complete with her. He nodded to himself again. "I… didn't want to disappoint you."

Hikari found herself blushing as she sighed out, "Shinji…" looking at him she shook her head a little as she considered what to say to him. "Well… I'm flattered, but you know it's also the right thing to do, right? Violence doesn't solve things like that."

Shinji looked at the ground as he shook his head. "It seemed to mean a lot to Toji… I just… I hate disappointing people… as much as I hate hurting people."

Hikari considered Shinji sadly, then said, "I… I know how you feel. I know what that's like." When Shinji looked at her, she smiled sadly at him and went on, "I told you before that I cook and clean for my family… part of the reason why is because I'd hate to let them down, too. My family depends on me to do my best." Her eyes left him to glance at the floor. "I try… I really do… but sometimes you can't do everything."

Shinji winced. "But… How do you move past messing up?"

Hikari shrugged. "For me, I'm so busy that I don't have much time to dwell on it." Her eyes dripped to the floor, "it's not the best but… it helps me survive." Her eyes chanted with concern. "I'm not sure if that's helpful. I'm sorry."

Shinji found himself smiling. "That's okay." He said, and when she looked up at him he said, "Its nice that… you understand. I… I don't feel so alone anymore."

Hikari smiled back. "I guess you and I are the same like that, huh Shinji?"

Shinji was about to speak when the sound of voices entered the room. Both looked up to see a couple of students enter. Hikari realized then that she blew her pre-class organizing period by talking to Shinji.

Shinji made the same realization. "Class rep.. I'm sorry I-"

"Shinji," she stepped closer to him. "Don't worry about it. i'm glad we talked this morning."

Both of them smiled at one another before moving off to take their seats.

Shinji busied himself with going about his morning and didn't see when Toji came in. The jock waited by the door, staring across the room at Ikari, before he grunted and just went down another row of seats towards his desk. Melancholia replaced anger today, so he didn't feel like confronting the judgy kid who was too good to square with him like an equal.

When lunchtime came, Shinji had Ayanami's card in hand and stood up to walk to her desk, it was only then that he realized she wasn't in class this morning.

He looked at the card and realized one of the main reasons for coming to class after all wasn't even here. He came to class for nothing.

Nervously he glanced over his shoulder. Suzuhara was back there, head tilted back as he listened to Aida speaking. Shinji averted his gaze before Suzuhara could glance at him. Shinji needed to find Hikari.

He turned his head to find her but saw her two friends sitting down with her. He squirmed a little in his seat, glanced back at Suzuhara, and realized he was defenseless.

a/n: This was going to be my all-in Hikashin longfic, doing what Temperance couldnt, but dissatisfaction with certain parts- like making the plug conversation more intimate, or changing Shinji's absence from school, kept breaking things and being too needy that I left it for a time I could do some heavy lifting and repair on a desktop.

Yes the plug convo was lifted from Temperance, but that was one of the things to work there.