Lidia glanced to each of the Company as she approached, waiting for someone to speak first. No one did, but the uneasiness hung in the air regardless. The moments of silence that followed seemed to stretch on for hours.
"Come on," she finally said. "It's getting dark, and we still need our stuff."
After a long silence filled only with footfalls through the budding undergrowth, someone finally broke the silence.
"I hope they'll let you stay in charge of the group. Men always steal the blankets."
Aerie was trying for a joke, but there was a quake in her voice, and she was walking faster than usual.
"What's on your mind?" Lidia asked.
"It's-it's nothing. Really."
"Really?" Lidia gave her a meaningful look.
She gave a bit of a petulant noise, as though she'd have rather said nothing at all. She finally said, "I don't know...I'm not that familiar with the human pantheon. Bhaal, he's...he's some kind of…?"
"He was the god of murder and violence, subservient to Bane until Cyric killed him," said Lidia. "But I don't think you want a theology lesson."
"No, I didn't." Aerie folded her arms, but then a fearful look came into her eyes again. "But I mean...I mean...unless you don't want to talk about it…"
"That time has long passed," Yoshimo said. An uncharacteristic coldness filled his dark eyes. "Lidia, we have traveled together for nearly two tendays. How have you not seen fit to mention it?"
"Because I've been hunted the entire past year over it," she said, her voice rising before she checked it. "Candlekeep, Nashkel, Beregost, Baldur's Gate - there's been death waiting for me, no matter where I go. My life - and others' lives - hang in the balance if word of my heritage floats into the wrong ear."
"You ought not to worry about such a thing," Minsc declared. "If any dare to cross us, the last thing any shall hear will be the sound of my furious rage! And then Boo will make sure of that by burrowing into their heads afterwards."
The corner of Lidia's mouth turned up into a momentary half-smile. "I appreciate that, Minsc, I really do. Still...I was wrong to withhold this from you. From all of you," she said, turning to Aerie, Anomen, and Yoshimo. "I'd hoped that Firkraag was only after me for what I did during the iron crisis. That…"
She didn't finish that sentence, but she had hoped that her parentage wouldn't follow her here. Even when the Harpers had attacked her, she had assumed they had kept her history secret, as they did everything else. That hope had been empty, and now they all knew it.
She bit her lip again. "Sir Grady gave most of you a way out, if you're inclined to take it. As for me...I gave my word and I intend to keep it, no matter what it will bring."
"I have no idea whether that is exceedingly brave or foolish," Jaheira said. "Do keep in mind that a minute ago, those were ready to kill you on the spot."
"Lots of people are," Lidia said. "This time around, they might actually reconsider."
The group retrieved their packs and the horse from the clearing, and made their way back to Garren's home. They camped on the opposite side of the cabin from the soldiers from the Order, and exchanged little with them except a respectful nod or two. Evidently, they were confident that the Company wouldn't make trouble. Lidia disliked the thought of proving them wrong.
After making sure the others were settled in - Aerie, in particular, was doing much better, her blisters nearly gone - she excused herself. She walked around the ring of forest, taking nothing except her dagger, making sure at least a couple of the Order's archers had their eyes on her. No one offered any resistance. She went a short way into the woods to meditate.
She curled on top of a rock. As the world darkened around her, she listened closely to everything around her: lonely bird calls, the sounds of little insects stirring, an occasional gust of wind rustling last winter's dead leaves, the distant sound of voices floating over a wood fire's crackle. Her thoughts turned to the past tenday.
That Iltha made it back home in one piece seemed, frankly, to be a miracle, and one of the few good things to come out of it all. She felt the weight in her chest again. Her rescue wasn't enough to answer for Ajantis's death, or the deaths of his comrades. Nothing, it seemed, would ever be enough.
Her thoughts doubled back on themselves, and she felt foolish when she considered how she'd handled her secret. It seemed obvious that she should have told them, in retrospect; though Aerie and Yoshimo had inadvertently reminded her why she hadn't spoken of Bhaal to begin with. As for Anomen, he'd been quieter than usual, but...well. He had more reason to return to the Order now than he'd had before.
With an effort, she focused again on the sounds of the world falling asleep. Her sadness and anger subsided. In the end, this was hers to endure, and her thoughts would be best spent on how to endure it. She served no one - not her group, not the Crying God - by wallowing in self-pity.
She heard a noise, and turned in place.
Ten feet away, Anomen had stumbled over a rock in the ground and recovered himself, but not quietly enough to go unnoticed.
Well, if the Order was going to keep an eye on her, they might as well send him, she thought. She called out a greeting. "Anything you need?"
"Only to talk, that is all." He followed a careful path to the woods until he reached the rock she'd been sitting on.
A guess as to the subject had formed in her mind. "There's plenty to discuss, certainly."
"Indeed. If I understand aright, we are at something of a crossroads."
She nodded and leaned back. "Go with my blessing, if that's what you want. With my silence, I put you in a tough place. The last thing I want is to jeopardize your standing in the Order. This whole thing is bad enough as it is."
"Helm has not forgotten us, and justice will be done," he said. "In any case, the matter will be resolved soon, I am sure of it."
They had been dancing around this for long enough, Lidia thought. "About Bhaal…" she began.
"I can only judge your actions, as Sir Grady has seen fit to do. You profess to uphold the good and seem determined to carry it out, and that is enough for me." He thought for a moment. "Perhaps...perhaps that was all I wished to say. I will leave you to your thoughts, then."
"I...well. Thank you." As she watched him go, she found herself more bewildered than anything else.