22 September 2018

Believe it or not, I'm not much of a wedding person.

It's hard to be when you grow up seeing the worst of the world and the people that live within it. Being the worst of them. Always, no matter what, men and women proved they were happy to go back on their vows if the price was right. They turned on each other, betrayed the people they claimed to love without hesitation. It sort of makes the whole act of getting married seem like a mockery. In the face of seduction, blackmail or guns, the shared love their wedding day was all about never lasted.

Because it didn't exist.

Or maybe that's what I chose to think. What I had to think. I believed the world a loveless place because if it wasn't the Red Room, and what it did, became unbearable.

But today, the midday sun varnished everything from the water to the leaves. The lake glistened beneath its touch and the trees filtered the light so it landed dappled on the ground below.

The world sparkled as it hadn't for years.

The arch, situated in front of the lake, was adorned with flowers. They weaved themselves around the structure as if the whole thing was a minor miracle of nature. The only evidence they weren't was the prickling of rose thorn war wounds scratched across the pads of my fingers. A breeze came to play with people's hair, diffusing the arch's floral aroma over the gathering as it did so.

Not once did I see Pepper falter in her desire to meet Tony at the end of that aisle. She would look at the clock and wish the time was going faster. And when the time did finally arrive the smile on her face grew with every step closer. I stood behind her throughout the ceremony and Tony's smile matched hers.

Everything was gentle.

The minister's voice as it rolled out over all who attended.

The words that made up the vows.

Their recitation.

The tears in Tony's eyes.

The catch in Pepper's breath as the ring was placed on her finger.

The kiss.

Everything.

And all of it washed away what was left of the tainted beliefs of my past. Years of witnessing the marriage between Laura and Clint had deconstructed the rest. I thought they might be a one off. But watching Tony and Pepper over the years and today, I felt another strand of my past snap away.

Everyone clapped and someone yelled from the second row; "It's about damn time."

The newlyweds whipped their heads around, recognising the voice and practically leapt across the space when they saw Happy. No one else saw him for long before he was engulfed in a massive hug.

He was one of the surviving victims of the Snap. At the exact moment Thor shared a few words with the Titan in Wakanda, Happy was being driven, at speed through New York. He was on his way to Pepper, having flown in from Miami after the news of Tony's disappearance hit the airwaves.

When Thanos did his thing, Happy didn't disappear. But his driver did.

He woke up in hospital a couple of weeks later with a load more injuries to add to his impressive list from over the years, including a leg with completely shattered bones. Most of us thought he'd disappeared along with half the universe until Pepper suggested bringing him in on our help the orphans project. He can't travel much, still working his way through physiotherapy, but that doesn't stop him from bothering the hell out of every logistical person at every logistical stage and, to be honest, making sure the job gets done the best it can.

"You're here," Tony said to his long-time friend.

"Course I am, didn't think I was really going to miss this miracle did you?"

"It's so good to see you, Happy," Pepper said.

"Yeah, just if you think you sense any security threats, please try not to throw yourself on top of me. There's only one person I want to do that tonight and, for an astute businesswoman, she's just signed the worst contract of her life. Stuck with me forever, now."

Pepper swatted his arm and Tony only grinned. Behind them, Rhodey rolled his eyes at me while waving at Happy. Trust Stark to find a way to embarrass his wife seconds after they were married.

"Sorry to interrupt the reunion," I said, "but wedding photos."

"Looks like you've got someone else to schedule your day," Happy laughed as we made our way toward the house.

By the time the photographer had tested our last nerve with demands for posing; the chairs were rearranged and given the company of tables, catering staff had set up one of the most extravagant buffets I'd ever seen, music played over the outside speakers (courtesy of DJ FRIDAY. Think I'm kidding? Some of Tony's essential wedding prep was to re-programme the AI to keep the music flowing, announcements spontaneous and to pretty much host the evening), ready for the first dance.

Rhodey and I managed to get away from the photographer sooner, once we were out of sight we high fived. He looked relieved. He'd stood by Tony's side for so long, seeing him through a lot of lows. Now he was at his side for one of the few highs and nothing had crept out of the woodwork to ruin it.

"To a job well done," he said, "making sure those two got hitched."

"Don't know about you, but it was easy my side. Nothing was going to come between them today."

The reception was a lot busier than the ceremony. The intimate atmosphere had transformed to something more general and the mood was already swinging towards party time.

Steve, Thor and Bruce had sat together at the ceremony. According to Rhodey, some of the other guests were shooting them looks before it started, no doubt hoping for some Avenger theatrics. All three of them wilted underneath the attention, easy to imagine when it came to Steve and Bruce. But Thor thrived when he was centre of attention, a result of growing up in the spotlight.

I watched him from a distance. He'd claimed a table with Steve. Bruce was off with the intention of getting food, but was held up in conversation with several people he came to know through Tony. Thor skewered the buffet with hungry eyes, but he refrained from getting anything. Instead, he let Steve speak at him, not taking in any of his words.

I dodged my way through the people until I reached their table. "Tony and Pepper will be out in a second," I said, he looked up, confused, "at which point they'll be press-ganged into their first dance, most people will watch and you can get your food in peace."

He had an appetite for chicken wings but he didn't have one for chatting.

"Oh. Right. Thank you, Natasha."

He had only just finished speaking when my prediction came true and he took the opportunity to sneak across to claim sustenance.

"Hey soldier," I said as I took Thor's vacated seat. In front of Steve lay the remnants of his own buffet plate, once piled high, now covered with crumbs and leftovers.

"Hey Nat." He noticed what I was looking at. "I offered to get him a plate but he said something like 'although you have a hearty appetite for a Midgardian, your tiny mountain of food will not be enough to fuel an Asgardian'."

"And who are you to argue with that," I said, my gaze caught between watching Tony and Pepper enjoy their first dance together (part of me was surprised Tony hadn't organised something horrendous and cheesy to impress her with), and Thor curate not just a mountain of food, but a whole damn mountain range.

"Exactly."

"Thanks for turning up," I moved in my chair, arm rested across the back, chin propped atop that, and faced Steve. He twisted a paper napkin in his hands.

"As if I could turn down the bride when she used the scariest person I know as her messenger."

"She's a smart one, that Pepper."

He looked past me and watched all the people dance. A wistful shadow made its way across his face. The twisted napkin turned into a torn one. Shredded pieces stuck to his thumb and fluttered into his lap. I stood from my seat and opted for the one the other side of him.

His eyes followed without his realising and he shifted to look at me so we could continue talking. The dancers now behind him.

"How're you doing?" He asked once we were both settled in our new positions. "I feel like I've hardly seen you the past couple of weeks."

"Exhausted. Might even get some nightmareless sleep tonight."

"They're worse than when we were on the run."

The nightmares were something we came to know about each other when we partnered up at SHIELD, thanks to long missions and a budget that often only stretched to a single room between us. As we got used to each other we learned how to talk each other down from the horrors behind closed eyes. It was a skill that came in useful during our tenure as the world's most wanted. Even though he'd lost Peggy and had to leave Bucky in Wakanda, my nightmares were the ones that made the most frequent appearances. Spurred on by a reunion I'd never thought I have with those I left behind when I defected.

"One could argue the situation is worse now than it was then." I swallowed the memories and scanned the buffet table, wondering where Thor had got to. Someone had caught up to him, he balanced his plates as he was forced to listen to them. I was about to go and rescue him when I realised it was Valkyrie.

It looked like their words were heated, pointed, and designed to hurt each other. They only stopped when the happy couple made their way over. They greeted Thor and tried to give him a hug without knocking food everywhere and then introduced themselves the other woman.

"Congratulations," Valkyrie's voice made its way over to us as she was caught up in conversation with them. Though, it wasn't long before the couple moved and the angry Asgardian dragged the hungry one elsewhere to continue their chat uninterrupted.

"You're staying the night, by the way. Pepper's made a room up for you."

"She didn't need to do that."

"No, she didn't," I sighed and kicked my shoes off and rested my feet on Steve's knee. They didn't realise how much pain they were in until I freed them, "so you're gonna thank her by staying."

"I can't."

"You can, and you will," I said while he gulped down his drink, "I know what you're going to say, Steve. That you don't belong here. But that's utter crap. Right now, there's nowhere else you belong more." He went to interrupt me but I held up my hand. "Trust me, one day you guys are gonna bury the hatchet. Everyone knows it except for the two of you. So, why drag it out and waste our time?"

"It's kinda made a lot more complicated by my best friend killing his parents."

"I did no such thing."

He laughed so loud he surprised himself. Me too, to be honest, I didn't think it was that funny. A couple of people looked over at the abruptness of it and carried on looking once they realised it was Captain America.

"There," I leaned forward and gave him a light punch on the shoulder, "wasn't so hard, was it. You should laugh more often, soldier. It suits you better than this whole sombre air you have going on."

"How do you do it, Nat?" I quirked an eyebrow Steve's way, not sure what he was asking. Though, to be fair, my attention was a little divided by a new arrival who looked like he wasn't entirely sure what formal attire was, used to spending his time in more modest clothing and surroundings. The mysterious sorcerer, perhaps? "How do you stop the weight of everything from crushing you?"

I wanted to say it was easy. That I pretended, because my whole life was about pretending.

But Steve didn't need the truth right then.

"Ask others to help you prop it up." I returned my attention to him and he gave me this piercing look, like the one he carried around with him while Nick was pretending to be dead and Hydra was on our tail. "People do good things when they're together. They change the world. Focus on those good things and maybe, one day, it'll get easier to exist. Maybe our spectres will stop haunting our dreams. And, maybe, we'll find we've left the guilt behind. Of course, it also helps we're out their scouring the universe for a way to undo it."

"Do you really believe that?" He said, tone soothing.

"That we'll undo it? With all my soul."

It was a deflection and I'm pretty certain we both knew it. The other stuff, did I believe in that?

I don't know.

He sat back in his chair and thought for a moment, eyes going to a faraway place. What remained of the napkin was discarded on the table, arms folded against his chest.

"Not everyone has friends they can ask," he said more to himself than me.

"Hmm?"

"Oh, just something to think about."

"Well, while you're thinking, I'll take my leave." I let my feet slide off his lap and they groaned at the contact with the ground, which was a hell of a lot less soft than the air. "Sorry, work thing."

"Isn't it always."

I collected my shoes, messed up Steve's hair for his sheer cheek, and padded my way over to the man I presumed to be Wong. He was sat at a table that had a prime spot in the whole arrangement, but he was alone. His back was to me and the poor man had no idea I was coming for him.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you have yet to hit the dance floor," Pepper said, swooping out of nowhere and trying to drag me into the crowd of swirling and writhing people. I wormed my way out of her grip with promises of later, and finished my advance on the unsuspecting sorcerer. I couldn't quite hide the smile when he jumped as I slipped into the chair beside him.

"Mister Wong, I presume." I handed him his plastic cup of water as he choked on whatever he was eating. "You never replied to my email, wasn't sure if you wanted to talk or not." While he gulped down more water, just to make sure nothing else was caught in his throat, I chucked my shoes on the chair beside me.

"And you thought that was a good enough reason to choke a man to death? You really do live up to your reputation, Ms Romanoff."

"Do I," I said and flashed him one of those smirks I'm so fond of, "I'm not really sure what that is, anymore."

"So scary Ben & Jerry's would only give you a limited edition Halloween ice cream," he said as he tucked into his plate of assorted foodstuffs, apparently without any qualms about choking again. I could smell the grease.

"Is that so? Shouldn't it be out again now, what was it called?"

"Black 'as night' Cherry Widow."

"Not the most original." I inspected my nails and let the silence do the work. He knew why I was there and I was happy to go at his pace. Music washed over everything and people laughed. Tony and Pepper right in the middle of the joy that emanated from their gathered guests. Steve, the napkin back in his hand, was joined at his table by Rhodey, who was knocking back a beer. Bruce hovered his way over to them, scanning the crowds as he went. Ever vigilant, even during this calm phase. Thor was still nowhere to be seen.

"Why are you so interested in the wielders of the mystic arts?" Wong asked.

And up went my eyebrow.

"What's wrong with the word sorcerer?"

"People say it's ridiculous."

"Hate to break it to you but 'wielders of the mystic arts' isn't going to fare much better."

"I think I prefer you over email," he said and even looked at me long enough to send a scowl my way. "Why are you so interested in us?"

"I like to learn new things."

"In case it wasn't clear, we know about you," he said as he wiped his chin clear of the sauce that did its best to cling on, "about the things you've done. I'm not sure you'd be accepted at Kamar-Taj. Granting you more power seems ill-advised."

"Can't say I blame you," I said and forced my eyes to smile, "but I'm after a different knowledge. I want to know about the stones."

He chewed for a few seconds, watching everyone else go about the sort of wedding revelry you'd expect. His movements were deliberate, as were the mouthfuls of food he insisted on taking. A man putting on a face he wasn't used to wearing, one he put on to fulfil the role he found himself thrust into. Sure, the airs and graces were annoying, they always were no matter who put them on, but far be it for me to challenge a guy still getting used to his new position in life without the people once there to support him.

"I'm not sure I can help. We knew nothing of the Infinity Stones before Doctor Banner crashed through our roof."

"Not all of them, no. But your order spent aeons protecting one of them."

"Yes, Agamotto knew the stone for what it was. Crafting the Eye allowed us to harness its power and to protect it from forces that would abuse that power."

"If you guys knew how to use it, how come you never did? All these things have happened in the world and you had the power to turn back time."

He pushed his plate away and prepared himself for words I'm sure he'd spouted a thousand times before.

"We call people who use the weapons at their disposal powerful. But the people with those same weapons who choose not to use them, we say they're wise. The Ancient One was wise."

"Meaning?"

"She understood the natural order of things. The purpose of the Eye was to be used sparingly. Any slip and the fabric of time is torn apart. Forming new paths and new realities. Causing more chaos, the natural enemy of order. To turn back time to save those in the past could endanger the lives of those in the future. It would take something catastrophic to make the use of the Time Stone worthwhile."

"Like the death of half the universe," I said.

Wong nodded and blinked slowly. I wondered if he witnessed anyone disappear. Wondered if he'd felt the moment we lost in the ebb and flow of his mystic arts.

"Perhaps."

"Perhaps?"

"We can never know for sure if something is worthwhile, Ms Romanoff. The most important thing is to always make sure no alternate realities appear because of our actions. We must make sure that the strength of our walls don't weaken to let chaos leak through. That is why the Sorcerer Supreme is tasked with guarding the Eye. They must protect it from all those who would use it with ill intent."

"So why give it to Thanos? Pretty sure his intent counted as the illest ever."

Wong shrugged and scratched his hand. With a small sense of satisfaction I realised his movements were no longer so deliberate. I'd convinced him to let down his guard. It was a good thing the deadly version of the Black Widow wasn't sat in front of him.

"Doctor Strange was a difficult man to predict."

"Would you be happy to send me copies of any texts about the Time Stone? And anything you think might reference other stones?"

"If you do not wish to master the mystic arts, why do you want to know?"

"You were a librarian, right? Then you should know better than anyone that knowledge is power. I want to use this power to find a way to undo what was done."

"Very well."

"Very well?"

"I'm satisfied. I'll share what I can. Bear in mind that these secrets were meant to stay within our order. By sharing, I may very well be betraying that which I swore an oath to protect. If I ever need anything from the Avengers, I expect your help."

"Of course," I said.

"You're not given nearly enough credit, Ms Romanoff. Perhaps you deserve a different reputation."

"Credit for what, talking? No, most people think I'm taciturn and unsociable. Though, you keep your mouth shut, you hear. I don't want to dissuade anyone of that notion."

Wong smiled and wiped his hand on his trousers, the napkin he acquired with his plate covered in the sauce he'd dabbed from his chin. We sat in silence for a few moments before movement caught my eye. Bruce had left the guys at the table and made his way over to ours. The sorcerer leaned forward to whisper.

"I don't think everyone considers you as such."

We both tracked Bruce's movements and he ducked his head under the joint weight of our stares. His hands were crammed into both his pockets until he removed one to give us an awkward half-wave.

"Hi there," he said and I couldn't help but notice that his shirt was rumpled from the day and his hair was ruffled by the ever playful breeze. "Good to see you again, Wong. Hope you got the roof sorted."

"We managed to patch it up, doctor."

An awkward moment stretched between the three of us and while Bruce fished for something to say I saw a smirk try and creep its way onto Wong's mouth.

"He saved my life," the scientist finally settled on and nodded to the sorcerer, "when the aliens attacked and the Other Guy decided he didn't want to come out."

"Well then, Wong," I said and leaned into the back of my chair, my arms clicked as I straightened, "I owe you twice over, for keeping my friend safe."

"Once is just fine, Ms Romanoff," he smiled again and made no effort to move, "enjoy the rest of your evening."

In an uncharacteristic move of boldness, Bruce held a hand out to me.

"I heard you promise Pepper you'd make an appearance on the dance floor. Don't want you to break your word."

With an exaggerated sigh I grabbed the painful shoes and winced them on then bypassed his hand and looped my arm through his.

"Lead the way, Doc. Thanks again, Wong. You have no idea how much I appreciate it."

As we walked away I felt the confidence seep out of Bruce at the sight of others dancing. They were people who enjoyed a party and he was a man who much preferred his own company in a lab. The furrow of his eyebrows armed him with a baffled look, as if he not once expected me to accept and he wasn't quite sure what to do next.

Bodies bumped against us as we joined them in the sway of the melody. It took a while for him to get used to it but in the end I was surprised. He was nowhere near as horrendous as I feared.

For the most part we stayed silent, and a sense of the gentleness from the ceremony settled over us as he found his feet. We enjoyed each other's company and let the conversations all around wash over us. And it struck me that there were very few of these moments left. Soon he would he would undergo a permanent transition and everything would be different.

We spoke about nothing in particular. Glad to have this time to relax. Even with his time away and the events that happened between Ultron and Thanos, it was still easy to talk to him. Though possibilities for something more plummeted to zero when I pushed him into nothing before the fight with Ultron, we would always have our friendship.

"How did you know?" He asked out of the blue as we avoided a pair who danced with no consideration for all those around them, "about my breakthrough. I looked at you yesterday and you just knew. You always just know."

"I'm that good at my job," I smirked and he laughed.

"Seriously, Nat."

"I had my suspicions," I said and he winced as someone yelled loudly behind us, possessed by party fever, "I only put it all together a couple of seconds before you looked my way, though."

"I would have told you sooner, but I wanted to be sure it worked. And, well, it would have made it more real."

The song ended and another one started. We stayed and continued what we were doing. Tony and Pepper breezed past us.

"Hey, Bruce buddy," Tony said, raised a hand in demand of a high five, "didn't expect to see you up here."

Their hands connected and the newlyweds whisked themselves away in whirls and swirls of laughter and smiles.

"It's good to see him happy," Bruce said. I couldn't help but agree.

"So, what are your plans for when you're big and green and can no longer fit in a car?" I asked. His own smile pulled at his lips before he adopted a thoughtful gaze, similar to the one Steve had earlier.

"You know, I haven't really thought about it. I uh, I guess I'll need to see what my limits are, oh," he tripped over his own feet and we almost stumbled into people, "hopefully the Other Guy has better coordination than me."

I laughed.

"I doubt I'll be as strong as the Other Guy, the geeky part kind of dilutes that."

"Uh," I prodded him in the shoulder, "without the geeky part there would be no Other Guy."

He ducked his head, not so much dismissing the comment as letting it bypass him completely. "I was sort of hoping, if all goes well, I could join your little club."

"You mean my super awesome, super effective, domestic and intergalactic Avengers club?"

"Name's a little different from what I remember," he said with mischief in his eyes, "but yeah, that's the one."

"I mean, I guess you meet the criteria."

"There's criteria now?"

"Yeah, you're a little bit weird and a little bit tragic. Welcome."

We laughed our way around the dance floor trading jokes and quips as if no years had passed and we were still living in Avengers Tower in relative peace. And then something slow came on and we decided a hasty exit to the tables was in order.

Before we made it all the way back to the others, he grabbed my arm and brought us to a stop. The look in his eyes was serious and shone all the more for the vulnerability it showed.

"Will you be there when it happens," he said, so low I almost couldn't hear him over the music, "when I transform."

"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else," I said, and almost pointed out the others would want to be there too but my phone went off. Bruce went back to sit with Steve and Rhodey, Thor still missing. And I headed around to the front of the house where there was less noise.

The air was cooler and it smelled of nature. Of leaves and grass and mud and everything that was covered up by the fragrances everyone had doused themselves in before coming out. It was addictive and soothing. The call, though important, was boring enough to let my mind wander and question, why, underneath all the naturalness there was the smell of cooked chicken, bread, potato skins and so much more.

I turned to find two abandoned plates sitting on a bench, piled high with enough food to fuel an Asgardian.

23 September 2018

Hi Tom,

No one saw Thor for the rest of the night. The car Steve drove was gone. Vanished as if it was never there. Which meant I had company on the drive back to the compound. Two people asking the same questions running through my head.

My first stop after I pulled up into the garage was Thor's quarters. There were only two things worth noting.

Stormbreaker was gone.

And there was a note on his dining table, just big enough to say he left for New Asgard.

Another one gone.