Some of yesterday's weather still lingered in the damp ground and the freewheeling wind; but the majority of it was gone. The world felt like a fresher place, as if the storm had come to clear out rubbish none had known was there.

"Keep an eye out for tornadoes," Clint said to Nate as they and the rest of the family made for the trees, speaking louder so the wind couldn't snatch his words away. The boy was sat atop his shoulders, enjoying his view of the world and the feel of it rushing past him. No one except Clint knew what they were doing or where they were going. "Last thing we need is to end up in Oz."

Nate giggled. He didn't quite have a grasp on the film yet, but he loved the black and white to colour, the Yellow Brick Road and the Emerald City. Most of all, he was fascinated by the idea of travelling to other worlds. Even more so since, in his eavesdropping, he'd realised his dad had done something similar.

"I dunno," Coop said, unaware of how his voice travelled in such windy conditions, "I'd like to wake up from this dream."

Laura looked over at her eldest and Clint saw the uncertainty flicker in her eyes. It was harder and harder for her to find the right thing to say, nowadays. Clint wondered if it was because of the unmarked territory they were traversing or because of his blind insistence on silence without realising. Coop, once so laid back and easy going, once so cheerful and ready with a smile, was none of those things anymore.

"Off you get now buddy," Clint said and lifted his youngest from his shoulders and plopped him on the ground, "don't want you bashing your head on any branches." Together, the five of them stepped into the tree line; stumbled over the uneven ground, stubbed shoes against hidden rocks, crunched fallen twigs and slipped on slick leaves. The smell of nature overwhelmed them, the earthiness of the drenched ground and damp trees. It buoyed Clint in a way only nature could and he drew ahead of the others. At some point they became aware of where he was leading them and their feet carried them without question. Unsurprised when they emerged into the clearing Natasha so loved and where Fury had given Clint a much needed pep talk.

They laid blankets over the grass, thin protection against the dampness. Laura sat first and the kids followed suit, once they were settled they looked at Clint expectantly. He found himself frozen, unsure whether he should stand, and therefore be further away from their accusing glares, or sit with them, so he was on the same level as them while they all spoke. Then he realised what was about to happen and while he woke up this morning knowing, it didn't change the fact that the moment was on him now.

In the end he didn't have much of a choice. His knees threatened to give way so he sat with them. Once he himself was settled he looked each of them in the eye, even Nate who was unnaturally still for one so young.

It was an odd feeling. Whenever he was against foes he had no right beating, he thought of his family and they gave him a strength he didn't know he was capable of. They got him through some of his toughest missions. He used everything he had and everything he knew to make it back to them. And when he thought for sure death was finally raining down on him in a hail of bullets, his thoughts were of them. All of them. Even Nate, so close to being born. But the bullets never hit.

At least, not him.

He looked up at the sky to gather his thoughts. It was grey but he fancied he could see a hint of blue beyond the veil of clouds.

A breeze blew in from somewhere and swept across his face, he didn't know if it intended comfort but that's what he took from it.

"I thought," he said and looked back at them, "it might be good to come out here and talk. Or, make a start, I guess. There's a lot to talk about and..." He trailed off, words deserting him when he needed them most. There wasn't even the familiar lump in his throat to squeeze them past. He thought back to Tokyo, on the Quinjet after Nat had picked him up and explained their plan to him.

"What do I even say to them when they're back?" He'd whispered.

"Anything you want," she'd said, "you'll have all the time in the world. Just make sure you say something."

He came back to the present and wondered if she had known how much he would struggle to come to terms with the past five years.

"I'm sorry," he said because they were the first two words to come back to his mind and they felt the most appropriate, "for how I've been since you came back. For not talking and, somewhere along the line, for making you guys feel like it wasn't okay to talk."

Lila opened her mouth to say something but she gave an unconvincing cough instead. Coop glared at her but he didn't look far off wanting to say something himself.

"A lot happened, you know. And I didn't want to speak about any of it because it's not stuff you guys should ever hear. But you need to, because it happened."

There was some confusion flowing between Cooper and Lila; they'd come here with no clue of what was going to happen and what they'd heard so far hadn't made anything clearer. Clint knew they sensed something was looming, how could they not? Just, it was tougher opening up to them than it was with Laura. To Laura he was still human, not beyond reproach, capable of mistakes; a lot more than her as it turned out. But to them, he was supposed to be above all of that. Beyond the limitations of being a mere human. He was their dad and he should do everything he could to protect them. And he'd failed, when they weren't even around.

But, he reasoned to himself, they'd already seen his fallibility since coming back. The flame was already stoked, adding more fuel to it was unavoidable.

"I want this to be about you guys," he said, Laura reached a hand out and somehow managed to channel all of her support into the touch as she placed it on his arm. "But there are some things you gotta know first. If we're gonna talk as a family, then everything needs to be on the table. I should have told you right away."

Another gust built up, cutting through the damp earth and rotting vegetation, and splashed floral aromas at his nose. A moment of sweetness in a snapshot of time that was anything but. With it he remembered how empty the world had been before. Not just of people but of nature itself; plant life dispersed on the air as easily as the lives of animals. Taken for granted until days went by without their natural colour in the man-made world around them, and their pure and refreshing smells in poisoned air. He took a deep breath. He told himself it was to savour more of what had been missing. In reality it was to steady his nerves.

"The last entry we read in auntie Nat's journal. The crime scene. That was me." He strained his ears to pick up on their reactions, having taken the coward's way out and decided to speak directly to his hands. "And there are more. Lots more." Clint kept his words short, his sentences clipped. He didn't want to use them as a confessional. He said more, gave them an outline but no detail. He felt the words tumble from his mouth and wash away on the wind that refused to die. Whenever he faltered Laura gave his arm a squeeze and it was enough for him to carry on.

When he did stop, when there was nothing left to tell, he still didn't look at his children. Shame burned his throat and his cheeks and his eyes. All he could think was how it must burn through them too.

"You're an idiot," Coop said and his voice was so tight Clint couldn't help but look up at him. His eyes were shining and he swallowed thickly as he searched for something else to say. But it didn't matter. His sister had his back.

"We disappear and you kill a bunch of strangers," she said, "in what world does that make sense?"

"This one," Clint said and tapped the side of his head. There was a strangled noise and he realised Coop had laughed.

"Idiot," he said again, "how can you not see you would have been better off with the others? You were there, you saw them at the memorial by the lake and you still walked away. Jesus, no wonder you haven't been here."

"I don't understand." Clint's brow crinkled.

"Of course you don't you haven't understood anything since we came back. Haven't even wanted to try. Because we might be back, we might be here, but you never returned. I figured something bad had happened but I didn't for one moment think it was your own decision," Coop paused to gather a breath and then slammed a fist into his own knee, not knowing how else to release the emotions swirling within him. "Do you even know why you didn't want to talk? Do you even know what you're most ashamed of, killing all those people or turning your back on those you had left?"

"I-"

"Do you even know how hard it's been? We came back and we didn't even know we'd gone," now he'd started he seemed unable to stop, everything he felt took control and he jumped to his feet, pacing the clearing. If his voice cracked no one said anything. "One second it's afternoon and mum's serving up lunch, you guys are enjoying your own little archery club and," he pointed to Nate, "we're playing catch and the next - the next- I don't know. Nothing is happening. We're just standing there and it's darker and it's colder and you're the one who's missing. And when you did turn up it was with that crappy hair and those stupid tattoos. There but not. A familiar stranger."

While he paced his voice had grown in volume. Nearby birds had taken flight, deciding if they weren't the cause of his anger they damn well weren't going to take the brunt of it. Even the wind left him to it; bowing to his roar. Lila watched him, pain etched deep into her eyes and she gave fierce nods with every point he made. And while Laura still offered her support Clint knew if he were to look at her he'd see that she too understood and agreed with everything their eldest said. Nate had climbed into her lap, unsure of what was happening.

But that was fine.

This was why they were here after all.

To talk. Even if that meant shouting.

"And finding out five years had passed. Jesus, dad, five years disappeared in the blink of an eye and we're all left wondering if we still fit into this world that moved on without us. All these things we've taken for granted and now they're so hard, as if it's our fault we disappeared in the first place. And the one thing we could have used was guidance from someone who'd lived through it all but when he stepped off the Quinjet he was just a shadow. That's all you were. You asked us once if we were okay and that was it. You spoke only to tell us auntie Nat was dead and then you closed yourself off."

He clutched his chest as his words ran out and tears leaked from his eyes as they hadn't since he was little. When he sobbed he fell to his knees and Lila scooted over to him and enveloped her older brother in her arms.

"The world is different," Lila said, "and not just because she isn't with us anymore. We can see it everywhere, feel it in the news and whenever we walk through town. Even in school. Everyone is afraid, dad. Afraid because there's power out there that can wipe away half the universe without warning. Afraid because you never know when you're about to turn into a pile of ash. And instead of holding out hope, or living in the world so you could tell us how to integrate back into it, you were out killing people. Deciding who gets to live and die. Just like the guy who took us away from you."

"Lila," Laura said, a warning wrapped up in one word.

"Sorry mum, but it's true. He left us in the dark, about everything. Whatever we know it hasn't come from him. It's the news, friends, the journals. He's even left us in the dark about auntie Nat. We don't know how or why. We just know that we're only back because of her, and that seems to be more than the world in general knows."

Lila leant her forehead against the top of her brother's head and tried to carry on speaking, though it was obvious it was becoming more difficult.

"It hurts dad. All of it hurts. Everything Cooper said, knowing auntie Nat is gone but also knowing how hard those five years were for you. Watching as you refused to speak even though you've always been so open. And now, right now, realising you didn't have respect for us to tell us about this sooner. That you preferred to have us walking on eggshells around you rather than wading through the truth of it."

And she broke too, clinging to Cooper. In synchronisation, Clint and Laura, with Nate scooped up in her arms, sat next to their other children. Arms wrapped around shoulders and legs and necks. Fingers dug into arms and sides and brushed away tears with as much gentleness as they could muster. Heads gathered together as each member of the Barton family sought comfort in the other.

And, as they walked back to the house an hour later, it was clear they had left something behind amongst the trees. Or, perhaps, unlocked that long-trapped something and set it free. A lightness breezed through them as they walked with each other. Clint had a feeling deep down that they had taken the right steps and, if he continued to play things right, this terrible event which could have torn them apart would bring them closer as never before.

A/N: Hey everyone, hope you're safe and well.

Sorry for two short chapters in a row, there were originally going to be more journal entries in this one but when I finished, it felt like this section needed to be posted by itself.

Also, I posted chapter twenty five at the end of a late night/early morning writing session last week and totally forgot to get over-excited by hitting 100 follows! I just want to say another huge thank you to everyone who's favourited, followed, commented and read this story. For something I started doing to get rid of writers block I never imagined this kind of response from all of you, and it's completely blown me away :)

Thank you for sticking with it, you have no idea how much I appreciate it.