5 October 2019

I dreamt of Wanda last night.

She was so clear, more than just a vague image and an essence of herself. Every detail was Wanda, right down to her natural accent she had just after the she joined the team, but she looked just as she did when I found her, Sam, and Steve after my misadventures with Taskmaster.

We were in the gym training, only instead of the usual circuit there were stalls set up like a funfair. The one we spent most of our time at had cans piled in a pyramid, she had to knock them all down with a ball of energy she'd created then put them all back in place; increasing her strength of attack and finessing the more subtle side of her abilities.

She missed and we laughed. The gym faded out of view and the Quinjet surrounded us, a faceless, nameless someone sitting in the pilot's seat as the laughter continued to fall from us. Wanda tried to speak between gasps and the words that formed were in her native tongue. I couldn't understand them in my dream state.

FRIDAY tried to speak to us. The AI sounded desperate, urgent. In the end she, too, started to laugh.

And I woke up. Breathless and smiling and for once feeling rested. I felt peaceful as I stretched and thought about telling Wanda about the dream, she liked to try and decipher them.

But then it all came crashing down around me.

I couldn't tell Wanda because Wanda wasn't there.

And the peace within curdled, hardened and choked. I was breathless again, but this time was different. The grief crushed as reality flooded back and gripped me tighter as if punishing me for the few moments I thought life was normal.

The pain of that realisation was worse than soviet slugs ripping their way through flesh, bone, tissue and muscle.

For a few seconds the day was so bright. One of the brightest I'd woken to in a while.

Then the clouds descended, and I spent the rest of it lost in murky shadows of the past.

9 October 2019

Hey Tom,

One thing I've learned about myself since joining the Avengers is that I don't mind helping people. I mean, obviously one of the side effects of my work with SHIELD was that people were helped. Sometimes directly and sometimes not. Joining up with the merry band of superheroes and Clint meant that those jobs went from the murky world of espionage to the glittering global stage. And it dawned on me that while I thought I was in it for the adrenaline or the need to make up for some of the things I'd done, that wasn't the case anymore. Perhaps it never had been and I lied to myself because it didn't fit with the image the Red Room had crafted; it took years after I was physically freed of them to also be mentally freed.

No, as I'd come to realise, the reason I carried on with the work is because the need to atone was hiding a deeper, more urgent, need to help those who needed help. Those who didn't even realise they needed it, those who would never know someone intervened on their behalf.

And Bruce, on the run up to the his big day, was one of those people.

He wanted Thor there, with him, with us.

A reasonable request if the god wasn't so intent on remaining unreachable.

Valkyrie: had only seen him from afar. She's busy keeping the Asgardians running. They're a fairly autonomous people, they know what's essential to a successful civilisation, but even they need a hand to guide them. And the hand they found was hers.

Korg: sees him almost every day. The time they spend together is pure leisure, full of food and beer and games. No one speaks to Thor of anything important. No one dares to. Someone mentioned Thanos' name to him once and a storm so huge blew through the settlement and none of the fishing boats were able to go out for days. As much as he'd like to talk to Thor for me he doesn't want to risk a repeat.

Wong: might be able to portal me into the god's living room to take him by surprise, but as much as we're on good terms I don't think he'd appreciate me demoting him from Sorcerer Supreme to the mystical equivalent of Uber. Even though he spends a lot of his time playing a video game to help him take his 'mind off the physical world around him'. It's the same one Korg was playing when I visited. I remember when Clint and I...

I think I've just had an idea.

Sorry to cut this little chat short, Tom, but I've got to see a man about a game.

18 October 2019

Hi Tom,

Arms dealers, space fights, drunk racoons, angry half androids.

All your standard ingredients for a sub-par B-movie. Except, somehow, these are all parts of my actual life.

Guess I should break it down for you.

So, drunk racoons first. Rocket isn't doing so well. Dealing with that Dark Elf knocked him for six. Reminded him of the last moments before he left his group behind to go with Thor. My guess is he was never the warmest guy and his parting words were in keeping with his character. There's a lot to regret in hindsight. And no chance of finding a solution at the bottom of the bottle, but that didn't stop him from trying.

Which leads to the angry half androids - while Rocket is going on his downward spiral Nebula is dealing with the aftermath of his actions. She was forced to look after the ship and run their missions alone. She's threatened to fly the ship herself, in between scathing insults and bone-chilling threats. No way in hell was he going to let her take that away from him, so he's curbed his drinking just enough that he's not totally hammered behind the controls. Our regular calls are not peaceful things and though her temper is focussed on her constant companion it sometimes spills over to other targets.

And then the space fights. While all is mostly quiet on the final frontier, a few more skirmishes have been had. Carol's completed some daring rescues, most recently from some Kree extremists she uncovered. Without any leads to go on for Thanos' research, Rocket and Nebula (despite their drunken and angered states) have started to do what she does. Swoop in, cause chaos for the bad guys, bring hope to the good guys, and swoop back out again. Rocket keeps asking when we're going to start charging for our services. I keep pointing him to our policy that says don't do it. One of the upsides is that communication between the three of them is better. Sure, there's still a rockiness between the racoon and the captain but they're working together and it's good to see. I've extended an invitation for all three to join us for Christmas. Some R&R is needed.

And last but not least is the arms dealers. This one on the home front. A man T'challa and the War Dogs were tracking before the Snap. A clever man who used that opportunity to pretend he was one of the ones who'd disappeared. Though recent actions have landed him not just on Okoye's radar, but mine. He's extended his operations to America. Evidence suggests he set up shop here about a month ago.

He's a tough man to ingratiate yourself with. One of the downsides of Wakanda opening itself up to the world is that people are now aware of it and the influence it's had throughout the African continent. Wakanda's intelligence organisation have struggled to get close to him and his ever suspicious mind. But the fool has gone from the backyard of a single Avenger to the backyard of several.

"We want him, Nat," holo-Okoye said, her voice rang out as if she wasn't half a world away.

"And you'll have him," I said, flicking through a report Pepper had sent over about WOOPS, it was the first of our surprise inspections. I put it down and looked up. "I promise, when we find him he's all yours."

"You would do that? I believe your government are always on the lookout for an easy win to splash across the news."

"They need to learn there's no such thing." I waved her concerns away. "This guy has terrorised Africa for years. We only know he's over here because you gave us the heads up. We will catch him and he'll face Wakandan justice. And any information we find, we'll share it with you."

"Did no one ever tell you, Nat," she said "you're not supposed to cooperate this easily."

"Maybe if egos were put aside the world wouldn't be such a shithole," I said and she smiled. "Anyway, you're speaking to me, an Avenger, not a representative of the government. We might be based in America but we work for the world."

We spent a few more minutes talking then she signed off. I made a note to pass the job to Steve tomorrow, before he disappeared to one of his meetings.

24 October 2019

Hey Tom,

When we first met I didn't make the best impression on Bruce.

I tricked him into meeting with me then lied about having backup; orders are orders. I hid guns all around the building, there were so many that even after he agreed to go with us he had to wait ten minutes for me to collect them all.

Walking into that house, waiting for him, I was wary. I'd seen the footage, I knew what his other half was capable of. And the fact was if he changed no number of guns was going to help.

He walked the room, asked his questions and then, at last, faced me from across the table. He was everything I imagined and also not. Dorky, careful with his words, intelligent, altogether a man of a calm nature. No sign at all of the rage machine he kept locked away. Not a ripple.

Bruce was in complete control. Even when he feigned anger. If someone had asked me then if I thought he would one day find a way to coexist with the Hulk, to live in peace and without fear of hurting others, I might have been inclined to say yes. The thing with Doctor Banner is that he only ever sees the worst. He sees all the times he hulked out and caused harm and damage but never the times he avoided it, never the times he stopped himself. It doesn't matter that in those times he 'failed' he was often manipulated into it. All that mattered to him was that the incident occurred.

Now we're a week away from him achieving what he'd always thought was impossible. A single week was all that stood between him and the peace he'd craved since the incident that started him on his journey with the Hulk. And those little slips are still the things that haunt him most.

I found him this evening sitting on the dock looking out at the water, hands folded in his lap. He didn't bother to look round when I stepped closer.

"Hey Nat."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Haven't you noticed? Steve and Rhodey have been acting weird around me all month, they wouldn't come looking for me."

"They just don't know what to say, or how to act. What you're gonna do, it's not something that happens every day."

He looked up at me and again I saw the man from when we first met. The one who was exactly as I expected and so much more. "I've not been through it before, either." Was all he said.

"Well then, what would you like people to say to you? How would you like them to act?"

"Normal."

"Please, as if Steve's ever known how to act normal," I said as I sat down beside him, "him trying to act normal almost got us caught more than few times back in our fugitive days."

"What's Rhodey's excuse?"

"When your best friend is Tony Stark it's hard to know what normal is."

Bruce smiled in spite of himself. Though he was feeling better than the previous month, his panic still followed him. There were still the doubts there telling him he was messing with something he didn't understand. Now that I knew all was not well, they were easier to see. I couldn't blame him for feeling it, the path in front of him was of literal transformation. If any of us were facing the same journey as him we'd find something to freak out about too.

"Hard to argue with that logic," he said. "I can't quite get my head around the fact that this is real. I thought for sure something might go wrong. Or the Other Guy would come back and ruin it somehow, but - I don't know. Guess a week is still a long time for something to happen."

"Why are you so convinced something's going to happen?" I asked and he gave me a look that said it was a stupid thing to ask. So I responded with a glare of my own that said there's no such thing as a stupid question when it comes from me.

"Something always does. I have a job I love, I ruin it by trying to recreate the super soldier serum. I hide for ages without an incident, I get recruited to the Avengers. I think I'm in control of this condition and the Hulk takes over for two years. I come back to myself and start heading for home only to find the Avengers have split up. Something always happens."

He spoke without really thinking about the run ups to each event, there was no accusation in his voice but that didn't stop the guilt I felt from resurfacing.

"Well this is awkward," I said," since I was involved in three of those things."

"That's not what I'm saying. If I'm honest I think those things would have happened with or without you. Though, coming round on a different planet would have been more of a long shot."

"D'you know what I think," I said.

"Very rarely."

"I'll take that as a compliment." I smiled. "I think all those things were essential steps on your journey to here. Nothing else is going to happen because the only thing left is the one thing you're already planning on."

"But-"

"You worry too much, Doc. Sit back, relax. Your life is about to change, take this opportunity to enjoy what you have right now. Trust me when I say you'll regret it otherwise."

We both looked out at the water and I saw his body loosen in my peripheral. I didn't dare say the other things I thought; that he was on the verge of living the life he was supposed to, with the confidence he deserved to have. That right now he was only half living.

"I think you're right," he said and did the least Bruce thing I could think of by lunging into the water. When he broke back through the surface his chattering teeth broke up the laughter that spilled over from him.

"Sure do look relaxed right now," I said with trademark sarcasm as he tried to float on his back but ended up treading water instead.

"Yep. Freezing water on an evening in mid to late October, it's one of life's hidden pleasures," he said and I laughed harder than I had in a while. Though I sobered a little when I remembered my dream about Wanda.

I might not have made the best first impression on Bruce, and the Hulk might not have made the best first impression on me. But somehow, all these years later, we'd found a way to get along. And I was glad of that.

31 October 2019

Waiting.

It's a strong suit of mine.

I'm real good at it.

Give me a low key car or some comfy shadows to hide in and I'll make myself at home on a stakeout. Screw me over and I'll happily let years go by for the perfect opportunity to get revenge.

Patience isn't a virtue. It's a talent. A skill. An art form.

And I'm a master. If I do say so myself.

Do you know who isn't?

The man who phoned me while I got in as many laps around the perimeter as possible before the sun rose. Yeah, yeah, I know. I need to get more sleep. But in my defence no one was sleeping last night. Too many thoughts bouncing around all our heads.

"When are you all getting here? Move out people, we need to get the show on the road."

"Tony," I said without missing a beat, "it's five in the morning. Please don't tell me you're already there."

"Fine. I won't. But that means I need to hang up before I let it slip. Hurry it up Nat."

He hung up.

The sun arrived; muted and selfish.

The reason the almighty Ironman wasn't good at waiting? When he feels his nerves he likes to take action instead of managing them.

But managing is what I did. That's why I spent the entire night reading Bruce's work, all those reports and analyses. I looked at the science he put forth and educated myself on anything I didn't understand. By the time I was done I saw formulas and theories and scientific phrases every time I blinked. I could recite his paper from front to back and know how everything pieced together.

And that's why I continued my laps. It was time to settle myself, to fully absorb this new knowledge, to calculate the odds of certain eventualities, to find solutions. I ran because a clear and level head was needed.

And it didn't look like Tony was in any state to provide one.

Steve joined me. He was late out and kept pace with me instead of heading on. He didn't need the serotonin spike or the steady rhythm of the run. He needed the company.

"Get much sleep?" I asked.

"No. You?"

"No," I sighed. "Tony phoned."

"He's already there isn't he?" I heard the half smile in his voice. I didn't need to answer.

When all the jangling nerves had unhooked themselves and my rattling thoughts settled, I knew I was ready for the day ahead.

The others just needed to catch up.

"Place your orders," I said as I breezed into the kitchen after a quick shower, "kitchen's now open." Steve followed me in and joined Bruce and Rhodey at the table, not even arguing his indefinite cooking ban. Rhodey's eyes lit up at the mention of food, having half-attempted to talk to the other man.

Because what do you say to someone on the day they're merging their gamma-born-rage-machine and their gentle-carbon-based-scientist selves? What do you do? It's not like you can get them a card.

And that's where we were today, Tom.

Eighteen months of dedication (bordering on obsession), eighteen months of hard work, eighteen months of a patience even I would have found tough, and he was right where he predicted he'd be. The finish line in sight, about to achieve the one thing he never dared to dream of.

"Pancakes," Rhodey said, "I think if any morning calls for pancakes it's this one. That alright with you Bruce?"

"Hmmm?"

"Breakfast." Rhodey said, "what do you want?"

"Oh, err, nothing."

"Well," I said and made a show of looking through the cupboards and opening the fridge, "we're fresh out of nothing, can I interest you in pancakes?"

"Umm, I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"Pancakes are always a good idea," Steve chimed in.

"Seconded," Rhodey said.

"C'mon, Doc, you're supposed to be a smart man," I said, "whatever's happening you're gonna need energy. And where do you think you're gonna get that energy from?"

He'd fixed his gaze on the window and looked upon the new day and jogged his knee so the table shook just a bit. But there was a small smile on his face. "Pancakes," he said.

"Yes," Rhodey said, "way to cave into peer pressure, man."

Several batches and a perfect flipping score later, we sat around the table and ate in a silence full of anticipation. As he chewed, Rhodey checked his phone and shot me a look across the table.

"Uh, any reason I have three missed calls from Tony?"

I hummed. "Only three, that's almost disappointing."

There were a few things we needed to take with us to Bruce's place. Some last-minute essentials to move from one lab to the other. We ferried those from the compound to the car then piled in. I took the wheel while Rhodey clambered into the passenger's seat. Steve and Bruce sat in the back. As I drove up the winding road I pretended not to notice Bruce looking back at the building he was about to outgrow.

When we reached Bruce's new home Tony was laid out on top of his car, sunglasses on despite the cloud that had come to stay.

"Four hours, Nat. I phoned you four hours ago," he said as he slipped off the car and hugged Bruce. "S'up bud, looking forward to it?"

"I guess," the scientist shrugged his way out of the hug and went to unlock the door, "why didn't you let yourself in? You have a key."

"He just wanted to be dramatic," I said.

"Did I mention the whole four hours thing?"

"See, can't even sit still for a little while."

Tony snatched his glasses off and glared at me as we followed Bruce into the building and I just smiled. The glint in his eyes was too mischievous for it to be real, the twitch to his jaw betrayed his own smile that he just about kept at bay. He wasn't annoyed, and no longer was he feeling his nerves. There was an air of excitement about him, the one that would have always been there if this experiment was being done on him instead of one of his closest friends.

In fact, as we all stood in the entrance hall the only person exuding nerves was Bruce. Knowing how important the day was and how much pressure he'd place on himself we made all the effort we could to get rid of ours.

"Alright, gang's all here," Tony said and clapped his hands together, "shall we get started."

"Sure," Bruce said "Tony, Nat can you help me set some stuff up in the lab, please. Steve and Rhodey, if you could bring the things in from the car that'll help a lot."

I don't remember much about the mid-morning flurry of activity. Just that every task achieved meant we were one step closer to a new chapter in Bruce's life.

I set up the monitors. Closer.

Tony ran diagnostics. Closer.

Bruce did a quick inventory check. Closer.

It reminded me a little of old times in the tower though. When Tony and Bruce burned the midnight oil in their lab and I sometimes found myself wondering in to watch, driven there by my old friend, insomnia.

By midday, the lab was fully functioning and raring to go. Steve and Rhodey had finished bringing everything in and focussed on putting it away. By the time we were done, the pancakes were a distant memory and our stomachs growled for more.

So loud it was like thunder.

We looked at each other and rushed outside.

The clouds grew thicker, as did the atmosphere. Electricity was in the air and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stood on end. I had hoped this would happen but didn't dare believe.

"Wait, is that Point Break?" Tony asked.

"Of course it is. We did just order lunch, didn't we?" Rhodey said.

In a flash Thor stood before us and Bruce's lawn was a smouldering Bifrost mess. The god had his axe swung over his shoulder and his hair, on the verge of overgrown, was swept up on the breeze and flicked into his eyes. He swiped it away with clumsy hands, then ran his fingers through his unkempt beard. He wore loose clothes to hide the loss of his physique but in his face I could already see a man using his addiction to food to get him through all that he tried to cope with.

Seeing him, it was a painful reminder of how far he'd pushed away from us, of how incapable any of us were of helping him.

"Friends," he said, and though he tried to project his voice as normal, the usual booming quality of his words was missing.

"Th-Thor?" Bruce said and the confusion was clear on his face. He wanted his friend here but had tried to get in touch with him to no avail. He'd prepared himself for going through this without the man who had brought him to his senses on Sakaar. "What are you doing here?"

"It is a momentous day for you," Thor said, "I would not miss it. Now, is it not also some kind of festival of treats? Let us go inside for I am hungry enough to devour a Bilgesnipe in one sitting." He marched past us and through the front door, Bruce followed him in, along with Tony. Rhodey looked back at me and Steve.

"We'll wait for the delivery," I said.

When we were left alone Steve laughed. "How on Earth did you manage that one?"

I was sat on the bonnet of my car. Steve leaned against it. I tapped my fingers on the metal. He had his arms folded.

"Not sure I know what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't," he said with a sidelong glance in my direction.

"Fine," I said, the habit of keeping my lies to Steve a bare minimum wearing me down quicker than any interrogation could, "let's just say it turns out I'm a nifty gamer."

"I'm not even sure I know what that means."

"Exactly why I told you, some things are meant to be a mystery," I said and nudged him, we both laughed. "Wong and Thor play the same game. I found him through there and spoke to him, but I didn't think it made any difference." I sighed. "Guess I was wrong. Had to give Wong Thor's player name as a thanks for helping me out. He wants some payback for a few valuable things Thor broke when he visited the sanctum."

It wasn't long before the food turned up and we all crowded into the lab. We kept things light and chatted about whatever came to mind as long as it wasn't the very thing we were all gathered for. Bruce ate but it was forced. I recognised the look in his eyes, the queasiness that lurked just beneath and I knew it didn't matter how light we kept things, he just wanted to get it over with. I placed a hand on his arm.

"You alright?"

"As alright as I can be," he said. Tony looked over at us and seemed to understand what was going through the scientist's mind. He put his plate to one side and disappeared from the room. "Thank you for being here."

"Hey, I promised didn't I."

"And for getting Thor here. I don't know how you did it but I know it was you." We both looked over at the god as he filled his mouth while he was trying to speak. "Doesn't look good, does he?"

I shook my head. "I keep hoping him being with us might help, you know, a reminder of our days as the Avengers and the glory of battle," I put on my best Thor voice for the last part, "but in the end I worry that it does more harm than good. Maybe we remind him more of Thanos than anything else."

"Any time he's not cooped up has to be good for him," Bruce said, "maybe he'll stay a few days."

"Think you're the only one who can convince him, Bruce. He respects you."

He was going to say something else but we were interrupted by Tony coming back in. I wasn't sure if the grin boded well or not. Judging by the groan, Bruce had no idea either.

"Thought you might want these snazzy things," Tony said and held up the shorts he and Bruce had created for Code Green transformations, "found them boxed away in my garage. Not sure why they were there but all that matters is that they were." He threw them at Bruce who mis-timed the catch and ended up with a face full of fabric.

"He just really missed you when you were gone," Rhodey said, "I lost count of how many times I saw him walking around wearing those things."

"Right, that's it. You're banned from hanging out with Blondie so much, you never used to lie before."

We all laughed, even Bruce who, at that point, was having trouble knowing how to behave. "This is actually really useful, thanks Tony."

At his serious tone we all sobered up, a sure sign it was time to get underway. Bruce went to change and the rest of us stood around not looking at each other. And again I don't remember much of the final moments leading up to Bruce getting into the chamber, but we all shared a few words, told Bruce how happy we were for him, how proud. Thor pulled him into a hug and held him tightly and mumbled things none of the rest of us could hear. And then he let go and hurried behind the rest of us, the fear that all might not go well clearer on his face than ours.

"This is it, I guess," Bruce said, looking at the chamber then at us. Steve nodded at him, Tony and Rhodey gave him the thumbs up, and I smiled. "I just want to say thanks. To all of you. This, this is something that was always impossible to me and - and I wouldn't be here if not for you guys. See you on the other side."

Now, I don't know what it was like for Bruce once he stepped into that chamber and shut himself off from the world. I don't know what he went through, if it happened in the blink of an eye for him or if the hours dragged just as much as they did for us.

What I do know is that the rest of us were on edge for the first couple of hours. No one spoke, no one even breathed too loudly. In fact, most of us kept our eyes on the monitoring equipment, blinking only when our eyes couldn't bear the fruitless staring contest anymore. One by one we fell. Thor started to pace and he mumbled things to himself. Rhodey grew restless and watched the god move around the room while he tried to engage him in conversation. Tony, the man whose patience I'd ridiculed, was the next one to drop out and I was impressed with how long he lasted. It was a massive sign of the respect he had for the man going through the experiment.

Steve and I remained. The worry evident in his eyes. To him it didn't matter that the odds were in Bruce's favour. All that mattered was that if there was a possibility for things to go wrong for us they would. The only thing that had stopped him from objecting to it was his resolute belief in Bruce's ability.

I didn't say anything to him. I still remembered the last time I told him something was going to work. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The only thing that tore his attention away from the chamber was an argument about food. It was already early evening and Thor was starting to get grumpy.

"I better go sort that out," Steve said and left me to keep sole watch.

Even though we hadn't spoken much, Steve's mere presence had stopped my thoughts from wondering. But with him gone I couldn't help but think of worst case scenarios. All the ones I'd banished from my head while I told Bruce he had nothing to worry about. As long as he trusted himself everything would be okay. That's what I told him, and that's what I needed to believe. I trusted him. He wouldn't fuck this up.

So stop thinking like he will, Natasha.

It was an effort to steer my thoughts away from all of that. In the end it was Tony begging Thor to summon a storm that helped.

"C'mon Thor, help a guy out would ya."

"I do not understand your jest, Stark."

"A storm on Halloween, there's no better night for it. And if there's a particularly loud crash of thunder when he steps out of the chamber so I can yell 'it's alive' then all the better."

"I still do not understand."

"Frankenstein! It's a film. I'm sure we watched it on one of our movie nights."

Thor just shrugged and tucked into one of the Chinese food cartons that had turned up at some point. I thought about grabbing one but the queasiness I saw in Bruce earlier made an appearance in me. Rhodey eyed me and was about to come over with one when I waved him away. He shrugged, then said to the group, "At least Bruce will never need to worry about finding a Halloween costume again."

"Do you think he is okay," Thor asked, "should we check on him?"

"No," I said, "I know you want make sure nothing's gone wrong but we can't interrupt the process. Sorry, Thor." That's when the tension crept back in. It skulked around the edges of the room and fed off the good humour that had been so desperately drummed up by the guys who wanted to keep their minds busy.

One by one they put their food to one side, whatever I felt was obviously contagious. As much as they tried to hide behind laughter and smiles the worry we tried to keep at bay was a real one. And it's at times like these you know what someone means to a group.

Without much prompting we'd dropped everything to be here. We gave Bruce our word to be there for him, in some cases he didn't even ask and we made sure we turned up. The fact that hours had passed and none of us entertained the idea of going home and coming back, or even grumbled at how long it was taking. It showed that Bruce was more than just an essential part of the Avengers. He was an essential part of our lives.

The machines beeped.

I was up and out of my position before I even registered the movement. My heart was telling me it wanted to beat in my throat but I pushed it back down to its rightful place as I scanned the information flashing before me.

His rhythm had changed. As if he was sleeping before but was awake now. The others were at my side. Thor tapped the screen as if the more he annoyed it the more likely it would speak to him.

"What is the meaning of this?" He asked but no one answered. Because no one knew. We could speculate, judging by the fast tapping of fingers against leg, that's just what Tony was doing. Or we could just stare and hope, which is the camp I think the rest of us sat in. Maybe this was the first stage of the process coming to the end, maybe it was the actual end. I didn't care what, as long as the person involved was alright.

Then there was a hissing. A release of pressure.

Thor jumped and looked for the threat. The rest of us looked at the chamber. Breath suddenly solid. Lungs frozen.

The doors opened and there were a few seconds of painful nothing. Then someone stepped out. There were some glaring differences between him and the man who went in; the green skin for one, the height for another. But there was no mistaking the Bruce within him. The sheepish look as he took us all in, the careful control of the newfound strength of his muscles, the gentle smile and, as always, the deep compassion and intelligence that had so long lived in his eyes.

It struck me then that for the first time in our lives we were seeing Bruce as he was always meant to be.

None of us said anything. It was a moment we couldn't bring ourselves to break. Bruce looked at each and every one of us and we looked back with a rainbow of emotions. He held his hands up either side of him.

"So," he said in a voice much deeper but still, without question, him, and settled his eyes on me, "how do I look?"

And I smiled. It was one I couldn't stop. It was gradual and burning and the most genuine smile I've had since before the Snap.

"Like you," I said.

A/N: I've had the gist of the last bit in my mind for ages, I figured Bruce's transformation would be a big deal and therefore a nerve-wracking day for everyone (especially him) and I hope I've done it justice.