As school is proceeding as usual. The teacher is rattling off about Karl Marx and the history of socialism. The uprising of and decline too the Soviet Union, and how we face similar crisis today not because of any incorrect takes on the economic plights, just our own hubris. His voice sounds kind of as Kermit The Frog, and he pops a couple of diet pills as he's ranting. Yes, this is clesrly Jordan Peterson. Marionette, bored and not paying attention as he paces around the class, the teacher stops.
"Marionette, am I boring you?"
Embarrassed beyond belief as she can over hear some of the students laugh at her, she covers her face in one of the study guides and says 'uhh no no...just thinking about family business. You know, my parent's bakery and work I need to get done after class. "
"Oh? Well than all the more so you should be paying attention. You are what is referred too as the petty bourgeois."
From the back of the class Chloe interrupts "oh she is extremely petty!" Her friends laugh with her, but the teacher is not amused.
"Not that kind of petty Chloe. And I'm so glad you're able to make jokes. Were this the Soviet Union, you'd be sitting right alongside her in a bloody gulag!"
"As if... I'd rather be in solitary than next to that loser."
"And you probably would get your wish. Now shut up and listen. Marionette, in these radicalized times of anonymous internet demons prowling upon social media to spread disinformation and demagoguery..."
Adrian now interrupts "for Pete's sakes...just say guys you don't like on Twitter!" Now everyone is laughing and Peterson is getting even more frustrated.
"I will not be disrespected in my own class room buckeroo! You know what? I have an easy way to solve this... both of you, detention."
They gasp.
"UNLESS..." They raise an eyebrow.
"Marionette, I expect you to do your research on Marxism. You are going to be debating it's pros, and if you want to avoid that two weeks of detention, you'll need to figure out how to argue from the point of view of a political catalyst that despised your kind."
He then points too Adrian.
"Adrian, I expect you to do some research on some of the greatest minds of a similar time period in contradiction to the Marxist analysis. Thomas Paine, Hayek, Ayn Rand. You will need to argue what makes our system work, and why we shouldn't just throw it all away to bloodthirsty cultists of the woke left."
Adrian's jaw drops "that's weak ! Marionette only has to study one guy, and you're coming at me with like three!"
"Life is inherently unfair and unequal Adrian. State your case in the civilized manner of the debate circle, or you can concede right now and suffer the two weeks detention yourself."
The bell rings and Jordan Peterson takes a few more pills and goes to pick up the things on his desk.
"I suppose class is dismissed. You all have a lot to think about..."
Adrian groans where as Marionette is more mortified than upset at this ridiculous task laid upon her. When alone to talk to her familiar so to speak, Tikki. Flutters around her and says "You look pale Marionette. Is studying this Karl Marx guy really going to be tough?"
"It's not that Tikki. It's that it's not a winnable situation. Either I just ignore my assignment and take two weeks of suspension, or I do the work and make poor Adrian suffer two weeks of suspension! He's going to absolutely hate me if I out debate him. Not to mention I'd hardly want to give that blow hard Peterson the satisfaction." She slams her face into her pillow and screams.
Adrian meanwhile is also talking too Plagg about this ordeal. Plagg says "it can't be that hard to win this thing. Marionette is a girl! She can barely form a coherent sentence!"
"That's not the point Plagg...the point is Peterson has several screws loose. He's hardly a teacher at all, and just wants to make the entire world his soap box but no-one but he should have that privilege to speak their mind. He's just like all other adults. Selfish and bitter..."
"So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to beat him at his own game is what I'm going to do. He wants a show? We'll give him a show. Let's look up this Ayn Rand first... Holy cow that's a lot of exposition! And that's one of her smaller books?! This woman writes novels the size of The Bible, no wonder Peterson is in love with her!"
Meanehile, in the darkest reaches of space... beyond reason and matter. A man named Nephyrite is observing Earth and happened to catch this debocile Jordan Peterson has put upon his students and extends his hand.
"So much anger in this timid old man... and he breeds contempt and worry in children he is expected to care for and bring wisdom. He would be perfect as a tool of the negaverse!"
Zoisite, with his legs and arms crossed, just phases behind him teasing him.
"Watching those Earthlings again Nephyrite? Maybe instead of being a slouch, you should be more worried about how to better serve Queen Beryl!"
"Maybe if you weren't such a worthless little goblin Zoisite, you could see what I see in these Earth creatures... They exhibit such emotion, such passion, for absolutely nothing! They leave themselves completely vulnerable to our kind... To our desires. Dare I say, we could even supersede Queen Beryl if we were too..."
"Silence Nephyrite. I will not be caught over hearing such blasphemous and get in trouble with you. However, you peak my curiosity... Explain to me more about this Earth and their creatures that you have taken such an interest in."
As Nephyrite explains what makes humans so capable of evil and decay, Zoisite seems intrigued to help him experiment.
"This Jordan Peterson... he is guilty of the sin of pride. He boasts about his intellect when in reality he is but a scared man whose lost much in his life. He lost his wife to a divorce, he lost the respect of his children, been reduced to teaching high school children when he was a renown professor at university, he can't even control his own biological impulses and is dependent upon these stimulants. He feels like a failure of a human being yet convinces himself he's better than other people. I will fill his heart with even more darkness... and he will grant us loosh."
"He just seems like a decrepit old fart to me. Surely there is more worthy candidates to invest our energy into.'
" If you wish, go divinate for some. I am pleased with what I have found."
"Hmm... we'll see if Queen Beryl is as pleased, won't we?"
As Jordan Peterson just sits at home, eating his tv dinner, as he watches tv and looks over at pictures of him attending events with great minds like Neil Degrasse Tyson, Bill Gates, etc. He hears in his head the Christmas song "do you hear what I hear?" and it gets louder and louder. He groans in pain and goes to grab his pills, but his hands are shaking and he drops them. Panicking as he goes to collect the fallen pills, he begins to transform into a monsterous form. His head swells to the size of his entire body. A giant, pulsing, head with protruding veins, as the rest of his body just dangles as it levitates.
Later that evening a woman screams and a man points "what the heck is that?!" As Peterson is hovering just above the ground and through telekinesis lifts the man's parked car and throws it beyond sight.
"What an economically inefficient car model... Were you raised in a barn? Can you not do basic math? Goodness me, such a dullard would have gone straight to the gulag!"
Adrian from his mansion sees the pandemonium and transforms into Chat Noir. He jumps on a lamp post and grabs Peterson's attention.
"Hey big head! What's your deal, why are you wrecking everyone's stuff?!"
"A better question would be what do you call that outfit?"
"...My super hero costume? I'm Chat Noir."
"Well if I were the admin you can bet your bottom dollar you'd be chatting no more in that bondage contraption. Your a child for goodness sake!" He uses telekinesis again and Chat Noir is thrown a solid block away.
"Begone from my sight incubus! That's the male version of a succubus demon that originates from..."
Chat faintly yells "I know! You don't have to explain it!"
Plagg floats over Chat's head and says "I don't think brute force is going to work here if he can just fling you half way across the city."
"NAWW...you think?!" He jumps back up.
"There's gotta be some way to beat this guy!"
Meanwhile Peterson is just causing more damage. He sees someone's house and disassembles it with telekinesis brick by brick, criticizing the color of the house leaving a naked man covering himself with his arms in the shower.
In the commotion, The Miraculous Ladybug does a theatrical flip and lands in a pose.
"Having trouble here Chat Noir?"
"I...had it under control..."
Peterson makes the naked man in the shower float in the air and he's screaming like a little girl.
"Cold showers are statistically better for your immune system, testosterone levels, and here you are just raising your power bill for a faux comfort to a task you were going to do anyway."
"It looks like it..."
Chat thinks and mutters to himself. "He's obsessed with being right about everything..."
Plagg over his shoulder postulates "So what do we do? Convince him he's wrong?"
"We don't have all eternity Plagg... but I have a plan."
He whispers the plan in Ladybug's ear. Peterson isn't paying attention to them and all of a sudden Ladybug yells
"There's no way that plan will work Chat Noir! You're just going to make me, Ladybug...suffer! That's women's suffererage!"
The veins in Peterson's head begin to pump ferociously and his head glows.
"Women's sufferage was the fight for women's right to vote. It had nothing to do with the conceptualization of the word suffering you're thinking of."
Chat runs to Peterson's left and yells
"The fight for? You mean they got physical? Based! Didn't think a woman had it in her...was there any terrorism involved?" His veins pump even harder.
"The word fight was used rhetorically here you nincompoop! I..."
Ladybug interjects
"Women would never bomb anything Chat. We're not violent brutes like you boys because we don't have testosterone!"
Peterson's voice grows more high pitch.
"Women do have trace amounts of testosterone just not anywhere near the amount a man does! That...that is now the determining factor in a violent outburst!"
"Yeah Ladybug! How could you be so stupid?!"
"Stupid? What does that mean Chat? Is that a French word?"
Peterson begins to get exacerbated and uses his telekinesis to take the pills out of his cult and take some. When he does, beams of light emit from Peterson's eyes, mouth, and ears as his screams shatter glass and Chat/Ladybug have to cover their ears and Peterson's head begins to shrink and he returns to normal. The akuma moth flies away and disintegrates.
As Ladybug and Chat Noir help Jordan Peterson up he says in an exhausted mutter "you remind me of a couple of hot heads in my class. Maybe I've been the hot head who should be an example for them instead of pressuring them to be mature with no basis for it." The two look at each other relieved and sympathetic for him.
Later that week, when it's time for Adrian and Marionette's debate to avoid detention. Both gulp and look at each other as Jordan Peterson still expects them to stand in front of the class and argue for Marxism and in opposition to the benefits of liberalism. Marionette closes her eyes and sighs, then just yells
"Guys! The school is haunted!"
Someone in the back says in a Shaggy voice "It is?! Like...Zoinks scoob!"
"By a spectre! In Europe!" "RUH-ROH RAGGY, SOCCER RIOTS!"
All the students start laughing and Peterson is not bemused, crossing his arms.
"So are you conceding Marionette?"
"Not so fast Marionette! Spectres aren't real! You've been taking too many opioids known as RELIGION!"
Intense music is than broken by Peterson muttering
"That is not how Marx intended for that to be used... at all."
Marionette goes on to say "well maybe spectres could be real, and so could faeries, dragons, and unicorns... if not for capitalism!"
Some of the class boos at the word capitalism.
Peterson yells "Marx was not utopian!"
"Sure Marionette, we COULD have spectres and unicorns... but what about those of us who don't want those things? Shouldn't a man be free to say he doesn't want to live in a world with dragons and unicorns? So he can hunt down all the dragons and the unicorns, and skin their hides, and make a nice profit from his own will and labor... because there's a demand for dragon and unicorn hide!"
A fat kid in a suit that doesn't fit him and a fedora says to another kid "that Adrian guy is spitting facts!"
Peterson extends his hand out to the audience of students.
"Enough! I won't stand here and let you both make a circus out of this debate! You're both getting detention. In fact this whole class is getting detention for everyone wanting to participate in this folly! Is it funny now?!"
Marionette rolls her eyes and crosses her arms
"Geez...now whose the communist?"
Peterson looks around at his classroom. Some distraught at the prospect of the detention, others just glaring at him with loathing.
"This...this isn't what I wanted you know. I just want to teach you kids the meaning of these political structures and how they still influence our lives to this day. Inequality, poverty, and oppression are real subject matters. And we waste time... precious time we never get back... on tomfoolery. Rather than trying to improve the conditions of man."
Adrian rubs the back of his head uncomfortably.
"That's a heavy air you're bringing to the room ... like, where would we even start in solving those metaphysical problems?"
"It starts with each of us Adrian. No detention. And I'm sorry."
All the students start looking at each other and apologizing to Peterson one by one too. Except for Chloe
"Hmmph, what do I have to be sorry about? This all started because of those two!" Adrian and Marionette glance at each other and smile.
Meanwhile in the negaverse... Zoisite looming over Nephyrite's shoulder cackles.
"Looks like your little experiment floundered there Nephyrite!"
"I wouldn't expect a lowly wretch as you Zoisite to comprehend the intricacies of despair and how we can separate these souls from their divine spark..."
"You're as block headed as that school teacher! I on the other hand know how to be truly evil!"
"Oh do you?"
"Mmm-hmm...See, the mortals had this show they watch called Dahmer. And I was thinking, why not find this Dahmer guy and awaken his dark side? He already was just an absolute fiend as but a man, let alone a child of the negaverse Akumatized!"
"Zoisite... Dahmer's dead. He's been dead for like... yeah you know what? Go Akumatize Dahmer. I'm sure Queen Beryl will be very pleased."
Zoisite sticks his tongue out at Nephyrite and fades away. And Nephyrite mutters "Being evil sucks..."