Chapter 3: Saturday 4th September
Donna stays up late packing, she hopes for all eventualities, and agonising over what to wear. She is caught between wanting to look good and feel confident, but not appear to have tried too hard. She's exhausted by the time she finally falls into bed and sleeps more soundly than she had expected. She wakes early, however, and feels instantly unsettled and on edge.
She tells herself that it's only Harvey. Harvey with whom she spends the large part of almost every day. But this weekend will be completely different, and it's unnerving, not knowing the plan. Her job had been to sort out every administrative detail of Harvey's life since forever, and it feels disorientating now their usual roles are reversed. She is used to being prepared.
Donna is ready half an hour early, but can't settle, getting up and down to check her hair; change her jacket; reapply her lipstick; adjust the contents of her suitcase; and peer out of her apartment window to see if she could spot Ray's car yet. Or one of Harvey's fancy car club cars? She's glad there's no one to observe her agitation.
At 8am exactly there's a familiar knock. Her stomach drops. She opens the door, and he's there, wearing that same knowing grin that he sports every time they've talked about doing this. She rarely sees him in casual clothes. He looks good. She tries not to stare.
"You're on time."
"You're surprised?"
"I thought you and 8am were strangers," she teases, trying to keep her voice and body language relaxed.
"Some things are worth getting up early for," he grins back.
His eyes dart up and down, taking her in. She guesses he's struck by the difference in her appearance too, her jeans, sneakers and a ponytail quite a contrast to her office glamour. She is assuming they're travelling somewhere, and didn't want to be overdressed.
"Ready? Here, let me." As he takes her luggage, his hand brushes hers, and she feels her stomach lurch again. She tells herself to get a grip.
"I know better than to comment on how much you have here."
"Too right, Specter. And I know better than to ask where we're going."
"Too right, Paulsen. Let's get moving, Ray's waiting downstairs."
Despite Harvey's secrecy, Donna quickly spots that Ray's satnav is programmed for the airport. She teases Harvey that she had no idea he could book flights himself, before falling into the safe conversational territory of banter about Louis and his latest cat dramas.
While they're chatting, her mind is racing through the options for where they might be going. Presumably nowhere too far, considering they are back at work in 72 hours.
They arrive and unload the car. As Ray pulls away, Donna raises a questioning eyebrow at Harvey. He smiles and hands her a ticket: Martha's Vineyard.
"Harvey! I used to spend holidays there as a kid!"
"I do listen occasionally you know," he grins, the smile reaching his eyes. This Harvey looks more relaxed and boyish than Harvey in work mode, all steely eyes and tense jaw. It suits him. It's going to be a challenge to get through the weekend without coming away wanting more than he could give, Donna thinks uneasily.
The flight is only about an hour, spent mostly in silence as Donna reads her book, and Harvey looks through some papers, swearing that once they arrive he will forget about work for the remainder of the weekend. She'll believe that when she sees it.
They land, and pick up a predictably fancy car that he's hired for the weekend.
"You arranged all of this, all by yourself?" she questions, casting him a suspicious look.
"Why do you sound like you don't believe it?"
"Oh, I don't know. Just that you've carefully cultivated the impression that you're totally helpless over the best part of the last decade."
"Ya got me," he smiles.
"So am I allowed to know we're headed?"
"A little place by the beach just outside Edgartown. Two bedrooms. He turns to her, puts his hand on hers and looks her in the eyes earnestly. "If you change your mind, we can just hang out."
"Thanks Harvey, I appreciate that," she replies.
He looked slightly thrown off. "But you haven't, right?"
"Haven't what, Harvey?" she says, in a faux innocent tone. She smiles at his momentary confusion. "Not yet, but there's still time, Specter, so you better watch yourself."
His knowing smirk returning, he withdraws his hand and swings the car smoothly out of the parking lot, Donna is hyper aware of the lingering warmth on her skin where he'd touched her, and mentally berates herself for acting like a teenager again.
After a short drive, they pull up at a gorgeous beachfront property with enormous glass walls overlooking the ocean. There was an infinity pool, a hot tub and a dining area with comfortable sofas and fairy lights.
Donna teases him about his description of it as a little place, but she is touched that he's gone to so much trouble for her. He's really trying. It's sweet.
After briefly exploring the beach house, they decide to head into town to grab some lunch and look for an ice cream place that Donna loved as a kid.
They choose a cute little café for lunch, sitting on a terrace surrounded by flowers. It's nothing fancy, like the places they frequent in New York. Donna likes seeing Harvey here in shorts and a casual shirt, top buttons undone and sleeves rolled up, revealing the muscular forearms usually hidden under his suit.
He seems to be totally at ease and enjoying the change of scene. If he shares her anxieties about their evening plans, he isn't showing it.
Donna always finds Harvey easy company, even when most people wouldn't. Whether they're under pressure in the office, or unwinding after hours, they just get on. It's refreshing, just really nice, to spend time together like this, and she starts to relax as they swap stories about holidays when they were kids.
Harvey casually takes her hand and starts playing with it absentmindedly as they chat. He strokes his thumb over the back of her hand, and twines his fingers through hers, as though it's the most natural thing in the world for them. Donna is immediately flooded with renewed anxiety, which she does her best to conceal.
They get the check and wander around the narrow streets until they find Donna's ice cream place, which is just as she remembers it. They get gigantic ice creams.
"Seriously Harvey. They have 38 flavours and you get vanilla?" Donna compares her double scoop birthday cake and M&Ms, with coloured sprinkles and strawberry sauce.
"This is an adult ice cream Donna. Yours looks like it belongs to a 5 year old. And anyway, you're the one who got me into vanilla." She gives him a questioning look. "In my coffee," he clarifies, taking a little vanilla ice cream and dabbing it onto her nose.
"Harvey! Who's acting like a 5 year old now?" Donna laughs. A vivid image of the last time they'd played around with food pops into her head without warning, and she changes the subject abruptly.
Donna drops a tip into a shark-shaped box on the counter. "How come they have shark stuff everywhere?"
The sales assistant tells them that Jaws was filmed on Martha's Vineyard, and they decide to take the little ferry that appears in the film over to Chappaquiddick, where they walk along the beach for half an hour, paddling along the shallows of the shoreline, joking about the warning signs for sharks along the beach.
After a while, Harvey slips his hand easily into Donna's, mid conversation, like it's no big deal. Again, Donna tenses. If he notices, he doesn't say anything.
They head back to Edgartown, browse the old-fashioned little book store and pick up a few groceries. Donna makes sure to stock up on alcohol. She has a feeling she's going to need it to steady her nerves.
On the ride back, she is quiet, staring out of the window, mind whirring as she tries to put her finger on what's bothering her when Harvey touches her. It really isn't that she's not attracted to him, or that she doesn't want this, or that she isn't comfortable with him. But perhaps it all feels too good, too right, she wonders, and she is worried about being drawn in by his perfect boyfriend act? Just an adjustment after so long keeping her distance? Or worries about it all living up to expectations, built up high by their memories of the other time?
Back at the beach house, they decide to try out the pool. Donna gets changed and heads downstairs in her bikini and robe, feeling self conscious. The last time Harvey saw this much of her, she was still in her twenties. She knows she is in great shape, but still, she is still almost 40, and she suspects that most of Harvey's 'morning meetings' since his break up with Scottie have been with younger women. She gives herself a shake, frustrated that her usual self assurance seems to have deserted her this weekend.
She finds Harvey already poolside, inflating lilos. While he is occupied, she has a chance to admire him unobserved. It's the first time she's seen this much of him in a long time too. Older Harvey is more attractive, if anything, she thinks. She feels a surge of desire, as she takes in his strong arms, broad shoulders and defined muscles.
She discards her robe and slips into the pool before he is aware she is there. Hearing the splash, he turns towards her, tosses the inflatables in the pool and jumps in after her.
Keen to divert attention from her self-conscious discomfort, Donna teases Harvey about his pallor.
"Hey Mr Lawyer, it looks like it's been a long time since you last took off your fancy suit."
"Donna Paulsen, are you implying that I'm too pale? You're hardly bronzed yourself!"
"I'm a redhead, I don't tan, I just burn. I've made the most of this summer - I'm just good with sunscreen. You, on the other hand - I can see tan lines where your suits go." she shakes her head in mock disapproval. "Next summer you need to have more fun."
"I'm having fun this weekend. And the sun's out." He drags himself into a lilo and pushes the other to her. "Let's see what I can do about those tan lines today."
They alternate between swimming and floating around looking up at the blue sky and bluer sea, the late summer sun deliciously warm on their skin. Donna tells him about her upcoming audition for The Merchant of Venice, and he does a creditable job of pretending to be interested.
After a while, Donna heaves herself out of the pool, reaching for the towel and robe that she had carefully put within easy reach, and floundering a little as she tries to cover up fast. He swims up to the edge of the pool, folds his arms on the poolside and rests his chin on them, observing her.
"You're beautiful."
"What?" she isn't sure she has heard right, turning to face him, suddenly conscious of her damp, messy hair and bare face.
"I said you're beautiful." He's looking serious, then his face breaks into a grin. "And you look really hot in that bikini."
Donna mutters thanks and scurries away. He had noticed her trying to cover up, and was trying to be reassuring, but she feels caught out, and embarrassed that she was so obviously flustered by the compliment.
After a shower, and fixing her hair and make up, Donna feels ready to face him again. The early evening sun is still warm, so she dresses in a light, flowing sundress, different from her usual New York style.
Harvey is already in the kitchen when she gets down, and she fixes some drinks while he gets started on a simple pasta dish and salad. She tries to help, but Harvey bats her away, teasing her about her general cluelessness in the kitchen, so she sits at the counter and keeps him company while he works.
It's fun, and she would be really enjoying spending some time with this relaxed version of 5Harvey, but nagging at her mind is the worry about how they'll make the leap from this, to… that.
They eat outside, enjoying a bottle of wine as they watch a beautiful sunset. When the sky darkens, and they start to feel the evening chill, they move inside, and their conversation peters out. Their eyes lock, and they smile awkwardly. This is it.
Donna breaks the silence. "Maybe something stronger might help," she grimaces, holding up a bottle of scotch.
Suddenly serious, Harvey put down his drink, and walked over to her, lightly taking both of her hands in his. "If you need a stiff drink to do this, then I don't think we should."
"No, I want to. I do. I'm just… What if..."
"Come here, you," he gently pulls her in wrapping one big hand around her waist, threading the other in her hair and kissing her softly, gently, until she starts to respond, and he deepens the kiss.
To her surprise, it doesn't feel awkward or strange at all. It just feels - exciting. Donna loses herself in his touch, all her anxieties evaporating, as they stumble to the bedroom.