Chapter 9: Friday 22nd December

Harvey stretches back in his desk chair and looks over to Donna in her cubicle. It's been an intense few hours getting everything straight before everyone heads off for the holidays. Himself, he'd happily work through the last days of the year. Christmas isn't exactly his favorite time. But most people feel differently, and with everyone else taking time out, he knows he won't get a lot done after today until the new year.

He is surprised by how well things are going, as this turbulent year comes to a close. There is still plenty of shit to deal with. For one thing, Sean Cahill is breathing down his neck. But he has his name on the wall. Mike is back. And, if he says so himself, he's rocking this expectant father thing. He mentally checks off his achievements over the past month.

He is setting things up financially so that Donna never needs to worry. He's briefed a realtor to look for a suitable property for Donna and the baby. He has ordered a book for new dads, which he's hidden in a drawer as, if he's honest, the sight of it freaks him out. And what if Jessica or Mike or someone stops by and sees it? But he'll get to it at some point.

Most significantly, he's started seeing a therapist, something he thought he'd never do. His first couple of meetings with Dr Agard haven't been as horrific as he'd expected. It's not easy, but he won't screw up his child like he was screwed up by his mom. And proactively sorting out his issues seems like a good place to start.

He is in a good place with Donna, he thinks. Their relationship is perhaps best described as cordial. That undercurrent of anger that had been there through September is gone. She sometimes seems a little subdued, but he assumes she's tired - hormones, or some shit like that. They're still a little distant. He misses the closeness they established on their trip. Regrets that they can't be more, for now at least. But things are busy at work, so he hasn't had a lot of time to dwell on it.

He thinks he has done a fairly good job of showing his support, given the circumstances. Every morning he gets her her seasonal favorite Pumpkin Spice decaf latte with whipped cream and skim milk. He makes sure she is out of the office at 6pm and takes the full weekend.

He's stuck to his word on not seeing other women, casually or otherwise. Now he has the baby to focus on, he feels happy letting that side of his life slide for a while. The only person he's interested in is Donna, and she had been pretty quick to tell him that a relationship was off the table. If she doesn't have faith that he can do it, she's probably right. In optimistic moments, he thinks maybe therapy will fix him, finally make him capable of being the man Donna deserves, and things will change. But he's putting it on the back burner for now.

He's in no rush to tell Jessica their news. She's going to give him a massive goddamn lecture, and he knows she is likely to suggest that Donna transfers another partner, which is never fucking happening. Mike doesn't know. Not even Marcus knows. Telling people will make it a little more real, a little scarier. They can cross that bridge in January. No rush.

He looks at the clock, stands up and heads over to Donna's cubicle. It's almost 6, and he wants to make sure she's heading home soon. Wish her happy holidays. He's going to miss her, like he always does at Christmas. But this year especially.

Donna is almost done. She has a couple of things still to do, but her mind is wandering. She is 16 weeks now. She's finally feeling less nauseous and tired, and more… pregnant. It had been hard to believe there was a baby in there when she just felt tired, sick, a little bloated. But now she has a definite bump, it's starting to feel real - and perhaps as exciting as it is scary. The bump is big enough that it's pretty obvious in tight clothes, but small enough to hide under something looser. Which is exactly what she is doing for now, as no one knows.

The main thing bothering her at the moment is that she doesn't have anyone she can confide in, and she is lonely.

Rachel has broken up with Mike and sharing her own happy news felt all wrong.

Her friendship with Louis is under strain - he found out about Mike and is calling them all liars and generally behaving appallingly.

And Harvey? Quite frankly she is disappointed in how he's handling impending fatherhood. They barely talk these days, though things are perfectly amicable. He brings her her favorite coffee every morning without fail. It's a sweet gesture. But she's wearing herself out worrying about the pregnancy and birth, raising a kid. And they have a lot of big decisions to make. She needs more from him than coffee.

Harvey says he will support her, that he's part of this. She knows that financially he absolutely will. But she has plenty of money of her own. It's emotional support that she needs. And she isn't sure she can really count on him for that.

Tomorrow she is getting the train to spend a few days with her parents. She looks down at her bump. There is no way she can keep this from them over the holidays.

She can handle her mom. There will be some intrusive questions about her and Harvey (she can evade them) and likely some concern about her health, her age, how she will manage as a semi-single parent (she can reassure her). But she is pretty sure her Mom is just going to be excited that she is finally getting a grandchild, when, as she had been known to remind Donna in sorrowful tones, she had all but given up hope.

Harvey being the father won't be an issue for her mom, who has had a soft spot for him ever since the godawful dinner party, and was always asking not so subtle questions about whether the two of them might be more than coworkers. After years of denying it, it was going to be highly irritating to admit that there was something between them. Of sorts.

Her dad is another matter entirely. He has history with Harvey, and dislikes him. She is dreading his reaction to the news that Harvey has got his daughter pregnant but, in the black and white way her dad will see it, doesn't want to be with her. It had the makings of an extremely uncomfortable Christmas.

She doesn't even know for sure what Harvey is doing over the holiday period, she thinks sadly. He is always invited to Marcus's, but chooses to stay home, she assumes to avoid his mother. So the answer is probably that he's spending it alone in his apartment, with no Christmas tree, no gifts, no love. Her heart breaks for him. He always makes out he doesn't care about the holidays, but she saw another side to him on their weekend together, and now she doesn't believe it.

She wonders what will they do about Christmases next year, when they have the baby, and every year after? Spend it together? Take it in turns? She puts a protective hand on her little bump. She can't imagine being parted from her child.

She is lost in thought, when Harvey approaches, making her jump.

"How are things with, you know?" he asks, gesturing subtly towards her stomach.

"Um fine, I think. Next appointment is early January. It's in your calendar."

"You going to your parents?"

"Yes. What are your plans?" She hates that they're being so stiff, and formal, so unlike themselves.

"Just staying home. Are you telling them? Your parents."

"I am."

"Good thing I'm going to be in a different state," he chuckles, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Yes, I thought about trying to keep it to myself until after the holiday, but I don't think that's going to fly with my mom," she gestures at her stomach. "We really do have to tell Jessica too, you know. We could do it now?"

"I don't want to open that can of worms."

"So our baby is a can of worms? This is your kid, Harvey. And it's growing and developing and in five months time it's going to be here, ready or not. I'm tired of being your dirty little secret. You need to stop pretending this isn't happening to us, because it is."

"That's not fair. That's not what I'm doing."

"What have you done to prepare for this then Harvey? To acknowledge that it's real? At the very least we need to start telling people. Starting with Jessica. The longer we wait, the more this is going to look exactly like what most people will be inclined to believe anyway."

"And what's that then Donna?"

"Do I really need to spell it out? If we don't tell people, it looks like we are ashamed! It looks like you used your secretary for a good time and now you won't stick by her. It's fucking humiliating for me, and at worst makes you look callous, irresponsible - even abusive. How do you think some of your clients are going to react to that?"

"Used you? That's rich. As I remember it, you were all too keen to use me to feel better. You're the one who told me you didn't want a relationship. And It wasn't me that fucked up the goddamn contraception."

"What did you just say to me?"

"I just don't see why this is all my goddamn fault."

"This isn't a case of fault. I'm talking about sharing happy news here Harvey. If you feel like that about the whole thing, don't be involved. I'm not making you.

"I have told you that I'm in this, Donna. Just not the way you want me to be "

"Maybe your way isn't good enough. Next time I am in this office there will be no hiding this baby, and anyone who asks me about it will get the truth."

"Donna grabs her things, turns and stalks off to the bathroom, where she sits for a few minutes until the threat of tears passes. How the hell did they get here, she wonders, checking the mirror to make sure she looks presentable before heading out the long way so she won't have to see him again.

Harvey stares at Donna's rapidly retreating figure. "Fuck!" He throws a glass at the wall, smashing it to pieces, then instantly regrets it because he needs a goddamn drink.

He's furious. With her, with himself. He's trying, but he isn't ever going to be good enough for her.

"Are mom and dad fighting? You could at least wait till the kids are in bed."Harvey looks up to see Mike standing in the doorway.

"What did Rachel tell you?" Harvey growls.

"Um, Rachel said nothing. We're not really talking right now. There was the shouting. The broken glass. And I just saw Donna leaving and she looked pissed. And when Donna's pissed, it's usually at you."

"You really don't know?"

"Why don't you tell me, old man?"

Harvey tells Mike who bare bones of the story. By the time he's finished, Mike is grinning.

"So, dad, you're telling me I'm gonna be a big brother?"

"That's what you have to say to me? Grow the fuck up Mike."

"Harvey, seriously, I don't see a big disaster here. Isn't this a good thing for the two of you? I really think you just need to let things calm down tonight, then straighten things out tomorrow."

"I don't remember asking for your advice."

"Well I care about you, and I care about Donna and you're getting it, like it or not. So she thinks you're not taking all this seriously?"

Harvey gives in. "That's about the size of it."

"Have you told her what you've been doing to prepare for the baby in actual words? Or did you just expect her to read your mind?"

"I guess I haven't," he admits reluctantly.

"OK well it sounds like as far as she's concerned the sum total of your preparation is bringing her coffee. You need to tell her the rest. Then maybe ask her what she needs from you."

"It's too late. She's in no mood to listen tonight. She's getting the train to Cortland early tomorrow. And then she's gone for the best part of a week."

"If only someone had invented a solution for travelling long distances. Like, oh, I don't know, a metal box, four wheels." Mike taps his head, implying a flash of inspiration. "They could call it The Car."

"OK smartass, you made your point."

Mike is on a roll. "Or a device to allow you to talk to people far away. They could call it the…"

"Mike - enough! I got it."

"Isn't it time you met the in-laws in any case? Oh no wait. You liked it but you didn't put a ring on it. I guess that makes them the outlaws. Anyway, maybe here's your chance to make a good first impression?"

"Too late. Already met them. Her dad hates me. Long story."

"And now you've knocked his daughter up and no wedding ring in sight. That's gonna really win him over." Mike whistles."It's going to be a mighty interesting Christmas at the Paulsens'."

"You done?"

"Only if you're gonna take my advice and go make it right with Donna, sooner rather than later."

"I'll take it under advisement," says Harvey shortly.

"Seriously Harvey. I'm so happy for the two of you. I know you don't think it. But you'll be a great dad."

Harvey heads home, thinking about what Mike said, and how he's going to play it with Donna. By the time he goes to bed, he has a plan that he hopes will turn things around for them.