Chapter 11: Christmas Eve

This chapter and the next are rated M in parts.

Donna wakes first, a little disoriented. She is lying on her side, her upper arm and leg wrapped around Harvey, her head resting on his chest. One of his arms is wrapped protectively around her, and she runs her hand appreciatively over his biceps.

Harvey stirs, shifts onto his side to face her, and, barely awake, instinctively pulls her back in close, dropping sleepy, open-mouthed kisses along her neck, one hand running lazily along the length of her body.

She instantly feels sharp, urgent desire for him pooling in her belly. It never takes much from Harvey to get her going, and the second trimester hormones seem to have made her permanently wet and horny. It's embarrassing, but yet another Google search tells her it's a thing.

Several times, it's caused her to lose focus at work. She'll look up, see Harvey just sitting there at his laptop, or on the phone or doing anything perfectly ordinary, and she feels overpowering arousal, picturing him pinning her to the nearest wall, bending her over the desk, pulling her into a toilet cubicle and taking her, hard. It is difficult to handle: she is keeping Mr Right at arm's length and she can't seek Mr Right Now to scratch the itch. She can take care of herself, of course, but in her current heightened state that's just not cutting it.

So as Harvey's tongue runs over her skin, and he sucks on the pulse point on her neck, she responds immediately, fluidly moulding herself to his body, sliding a hand along his muscular stomach, her pinky grazing underneath the band of his pyjamas. She pushes herself into him, feeling his hard length pressing against her through their clothes, aching to feel him closer.

He pushes his hand under the band of her pyjamas, thrusting first one thick finger inside, then a second, and it's everything she wants and needs. "You're so fucking wet," he groans into her mouth.

The two of them together like this feels so right, so much more natural than the distance and the fighting. She wants him to slide into her wet heat, to fill her completely, to feel him pound into her relentlessly till she screams, making her come hard while he holds her tight. It's not just physical however: it's an emotional need too. After weeks of feeling isolated, she is burning to feel connected to another human being. Loved.

Desperate as she is to continue, she is more desperate not to complicate things. She needs to be strong. She wriggles away to extricate herself. "Harvey. This isn't what we agreed."

"God I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to… I'm sorry." His voice is still thick with sleep. He had been acting on instinct, not engaging his brain. He's probably had the longest dry spell in his adult life, she thinks. It must be affecting him.

He sits up abruptly, and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, turning away from her, ashamed.

She shuffles closer again, so she is kneeling alongside him. She gently runs a hand up his back and through his rumpled hair, and kisses him lightly on his stubbled cheek.

"You didn't do anything wrong, ok?" she tells him softly. "I really wanted the same thing. But we can't make it more complicated, not today. I don't think anything has really changed, has it? Not yet."

"I guess not."

Harvey turns towards her, strokes her cheek and leans to rest his forehead on hers. They take a moment there, eyes closed, breathing each other in, before Harvey jumps up and makes coffee, which they drink in bed, chatting while he threads his fingers through hers in a way that doesn't feel like friendship either. Ridiculously, even this innocent touch makes her feel hot and bothered. She knows how his hands can satisfy her, or tease her, leaving her begging for more. But it's also companionable, and affectionate, and just nice, and Donna doesn't have the heart to tell him to stop.

Harvey takes a shower first. Donna averts her eyes when he emerges from the bathroom, damp and wrapped only in a towel, as she feels her resolve weaken. He notices she's flustered and tilts his head, raising an eyebrow as she scurries past him into the shower. She needs to get out of this hotel room, away from temptation, she thinks. She hurries to get herself ready, and chivvies him to follow suit.

As they eat, Harvey asks her about Cortland, which he's never visited before.

"So what was it like growing up here?"

"Pretty dull. I always knew I'd be out of here as soon as I could. And that I wouldn't ever live here again."

"No fond memories at all?"

"I loved the repertory theater. We got tickets whenever we could afford it. Always the cheap seats. Twice I got to be on stage there with my theater. Tiny parts - but the thrill!"

Harvey watches Donna with a smile, as she lights up talking about a favorite subject, her natural exuberance returning. This is his Donna, he thinks fondly. He needs to do a better job of supporting her in keeping up with her acting. It'll be even harder with the baby, of course.

She also tells him about skiing and skating in winter, and the annual German Christmas market that's a Paulsen family Christmas Eve tradition.

"How about growing up in Boston, how was that?"

"The music scene was pretty lively. I'd go along to my dad's gigs when I was a bit older. It's a great city, but once I knew I was going to be a lawyer, it was always going to be New York."

He tells her about Red Sox games and the neighborhood Halloween competition, and baseball in the park with his dad.

Donna wonders out loud what their kid's happy memories will be, growing up in New York. She sees Harvey swallow hard, and look away, though he quickly recovers. He might insist he's on fully board, but there are still signs that she needs to worry.

They're lingering over their coffee, when Harvey looks suddenly serious. "I think we should pack up and get over to your parents' place right now. Rip the band aid off."

Donna tenses up. "I was thinking, Harvey, what if we just drive straight back to New York? I don't think I can take any more from my dad. And you being there will just add fuel to the fire."

"I won't make things worse for you. I promise."

She raises a sceptical eyebrow.

"No, Donna really. Trust me," he insists. I could kill your dad, for what he said to you. But he's your dad, and we need to make it right. We're going to be a part of each others' lives forever now. And we are going to find a way to get along."

Donna knows Harvey. He has good intentions. But there's every chance he'll blow up at Jim if he takes the same line he took yesterday, or even if he doesn't.

Despite her trepidation, she decides to go with Harvey's plan, and messages her mom to let her know that they're both heading over.

When they arrive, Harvey takes Donna's hand and squeezes it. "If it's too much, I'll take you home, ok babe?" She nods, grateful that he's here.

"Babe?"

He looks slightly abashed and plants a hasty kiss on her cheek.

Donna's mom opens the door alone and they hurry in before they can get completely covered in snow.

"Oh honey, I'm so happy you came back!" Her mom pulls her in a long hug. "I was so worried you wouldn't.

"And Harvey, I'm glad to see you again. Congratulations on the baby. With you two as parents it's sure to be exceptionally beautiful!"

"Mom, where's dad?" Donna asks.

"I sent him out to pick up some last minute groceries. I wanted to talk to you alone first. Let me take your coats and let's get settled."

They sit on the couch and Clara brings them each a hot drink.

"First, I wanted to say that I'm delighted about the baby, and delighted to welcome you to the family, Harvey," she gushes. "I don't pretend to understand what's going on with the two of you, but it has always been clear as day to me that no one makes my girl happy like you do."

"Mom!" Donna feels her cheeks flame red.

"Oh honey, it's the truth. And presumably it's not a surprise to Harvey. His making you happy got you both here in the first place."

"OK mom, you need to stop," hisses Donna, mortified. She casts a warning look at Harvey, who is barely keeping a straight face."Don't you dare say anything mister!"

"So, has dad calmed down?" asks Donna, determined to change the subject.

"I've told him there is no excuse at all for what he said to you. But he knows that himself. He's been beating himself up about it ever since you left, and rightly so."

"He said some really terrible things to me, mom."

"I know he did. I can promise you that there won't be a repeat of yesterday. He is going to apologize. All I ask is that you hear him out, and try to find a way to forgive him. I'm still hoping the four of us can salvage an enjoyable Christmas together. You'd be justified in heading straight back to New York, but I hope you won't."

"OK. But no promises."

The four of us. Donna hadn't thought through what would happen after she talks to her parents again, assuming she wants to stay. She can hardly send Harvey away alone, late on Christmas Eve in the snow. If they can make it right with her dad, he'll have to stay here too. How will that play out, she wonders?

Just then, they see her dad's car pull up outside, and they sit in tense silence, listening to him open the door, take off his coat, and bang the snow off his boots.

Donna closes her eyes, summoning all her strength for what's to come. After awkward greetings, her dad begins his apology.

"Donna, I'm deeply sorry for what I said yesterday. There are no excuses. You're a grown woman, and I'm happy if you're happy, honey. If that means Harvey and this baby, then that's up to you.

"OK dad. You've apologized, I can forgive you. But it upsets me that you think those things about me. That I'm not good enough. That's going to be hard to forget. Is that really how you see me?"

"No honey. It's not." He sighs, clearly trying to choose his words carefully. "I was surprised when you quit theater. Disappointed for you, I guess. I remember what joy it brought you - he gestures to a photo on the mantelpiece of young Donna in costume for some show or other. "I worry that you've prioritized Harvey's interests above your own dreams. But I can't pretend to understand what your job entails any more than I understand whatever is between the two of you. I may be wrong."

"I'm happy with my choices, dad. My job is stimulating and well paid. And yes, Harvey is a factor. But I also like security, dad. I know you and mom are comfortable now, but losing everything when I was a kid, that's also a major reason I do this, not that." She gestures at the photo.

Jim looks down at the floor. It's evident he hasn't thought about that before.

Harvey decides now is the moment to chip in. "Jim, being a legal secretary is demanding, skilled work, and Donna is exceptional at it. All my success is very much our success."

"That may be so, but that's not necessarily how the world sees it," replies Jim. "My daughter has sacrificed so much for you. Long hours, no vacations, few chances to meet someone special or build a life outside work. And now she will need your support, and you seem half in, half out. Well that concerns me. I want to know that you won't let her down."

"I have some issues to work through, and Donna knows it. We made the decision together to focus on parenthood, for now at least, precisely because I don't want to let her down. But rest assured that she is the most important person in my life. I love her, and she and this baby are my priority."

Donna looks at Harvey. He loves her. He hasn't said that to her before, not ever. She can see that he is finding this hard, keeping things civil. But he's doing it for her.

"OK Harvey. I have no choice but to trust that that's true. But I'm going to have my eye on you. If you don't understand why now, you will once you're a parent yourself."

"OK Jim. I'm giving you my word that I will support Donna to the best of my ability. But in return, I want your word that there will never be a repeat of yesterday. I'll have my eye on you too. And if you don't know why, you're not understanding how much your daughter means to me."

Donna holds her breath, worried that this could blow up all their progress.

But her dad nods. "That's fair. I'll regret what I said to you for the rest of my life, Donna. It won't happen again. And of course I'm proud of you honey."

Donna gives her dad a hug, hugely relieved.

She's nervous about how everyone will get on, but she is happy to be spending the holidays with Harvey for the first time ever, and hopes it'll help them establish a way of being together as friends that will carry them through the next months.

She looks over at Harvey, who is getting his coat on ready to go and get their bags from their car. Much as she was fearful that he was about to start World War 3, there's no getting away from it: protective Harvey is hot. She tries to drive the thought away, reminding herself that not only is she very much not supposed to be having sex with her friend Harvey. Aside from all the other reasons, they're about to spend the next couple of days under her parents' roof, so while temptation will be high, opportunity will be low. Christmas is going to be a challenge in more ways than one.