Chapter 13: Christmas Day
Donna wakes up in Harvey's arms for the second morning in a row. He's already awake, and as he feels her stir, he shifts onto his side and presses a kiss on her lips.
"Happy Christmas, beautiful."
He shuffles down the bed, and kisses the bare skin on her stomach tenderly.
"Happy Christmas, Sharky."
His stubble tickles and makes her giggle.
"Do I have to tell you again that that is not a cute nickname for our baby, mister!"
"Speaking of little sharks - that reminds me. I do actually have some other gifts, ye of little faith! First one isn't for you really though. He scrambles out of bed, amusingly buck naked, scrabbles about in his suitcase and throws a soft toy to her. "A shark for Sharky."
She dissolves into laughter again at the ridiculousness of it all.
"Why would anyone make a cuddly shark for a newborn! Are you trying to terrify this baby, Harvey?
"Well the baby terrifies me, so it's only fair," he jokes, though Donna thinks that's a little close to the truth to be really funny. "Anyway, she's a Paulsen-Specter, she'll be made of stern stuff."
"Or he."
"Nah, I'm right. You'll see."
Donna hasn't bought anything for the baby yet, as it's early days. She doesn't want to tempt fate. But it makes her indescribably happy that the first purchase has come from Harvey, that he wanted to do this.
He picks up another object, wrapped this time, rather badly, and slides back into bed.
"Urgh, you're all cold now."
"So warm me up!" he smiles, snuggling into her and draping his arm around her.
"This second one, I've had in my room for a long while. And actually you bought the frame. But I wanted you to have it, for wherever the baby's going to live."
She shoots him a questioning look, and opens the gift. It's the picture of her and Harvey with her dad's band.
"Wow, I didn't know this existed. We look so young." And in love, she thinks, a little sadly.
"Yeah, it's crazy. My dad sent it to me right after I got my apartment."
He eases the photo out of the frame, and she reads Gordon's message, stunned.
Thought you might like this for your fancypants new apartment. If she brings you joy don't overthink it son. Keep hold of her.
"You do bring me joy, Donna, you always have. I just need to figure out how I can bring the same to you."
She doesn't know what to say, doesn't want to cry, so she pours her emotions into a kiss instead.
"I feel bad. I didn't get you a gift."
"You did last night, remember," he waggles his eyebrows suggestively."
"You're an idiot," she smiles at him happily.
"I know, you've told me before. And you're giving me this little one, that's plenty." He strokes her stomach and kisses her lightly on the lips. She moves in to deepen the kiss, but he breaks away.
"Try to control yourself, Paulsen. I have one more." He pulls out a real estate brochure, showing a gorgeous brownstone. She looks at him questioningly.
"I've bought this, for you and the baby." He looks nervous. "I probably should have talked to you, but I put out some feelers, and I saw it, and there was a lot of interest. So I just went for it while the opportunity was there. It's not too late to pull out if you hate it, or want to look around yourself. I won't mind."
Donna is totally overwhelmed. "Harvey! I… I don't know what to say."
"Let's just think about it. It's near the office, so I can maximize time with the two of you. And near good schools, so you won't have to move later if you don't want to. There's plenty of space in the main house, and so we can have our own rooms when the baby is little, if you want me to stay over. And when the baby is bigger, there's a self-contained basement apartment, so I'm still close enough to help. Or if things work out... differently, we could use it for a nanny, or guests. I figured it gives us options."
Tears fill her eyes. He really had been taking things seriously, all the time she thought he wasn't showing any interest.
It's getting late, so Donna slips upstairs in her robe to shower and dress, leaving Harvey in the annexe. He doesn't rush to get himself ready: minimizing alone time with Jim seems sensible if they're to get through the weekend without a major incident.
He kills a bit of time looking at the family photos placed around the room. There's one of Donna, about 12, looking goofy with braces, her face lit up by a huge enthusiastic smile. He feels a wave of guilt. All that potential, the boundless possibilities for her life, and she had chosen to give him so much of her time and attention. She's never had what she deserves from him in return. He wants to change that; he worries he can't.
…..
Donna beats Harvey down to the kitchen. She takes his tardiness as evidence that he is, in fact, more precious about his hair than she is about hers, and decides to give him shit about it later.
Only her mom is there, laying the kitchen table for breakfast.
"Merry Christmas, darling." Her mom gives her a peck on the cheek and a rather stiff hug. Her mouth is drawn into a thin line of disapproval. Before Donna has time to even think about what might be wrong, Clara cuts to the chase.
"So, you spent the night with Harvey."
Shit. How did she know? "Yes mom, I did."
"Are you sure that's wise?"
"What's the worst that can happen? What's he going to do? knock me up again! She feels embarrassed and a little defiant. She has always liked to keep her personal life private, and resents the intrusion. "I thought you liked him anyways."
"I do like him Donna. I've always rooted for you two, even when you were denying what's patently obvious. But you say you have good reasons not to be together. And if that's right, you need to think about your boundaries." Her tone softens. "You love him so much. He could really break your heart, sweetie."
Her dad comes into the room, providing a welcome interruption to the conversation. "Merry Christmas, honey. Did you sleep well? You're glowing."
Donna stutters and answer, and he exits the room, leaving Donna looking horror-struck."
"Don't worry, honey, your dad slept right through it all." She raises both eyebrows. "Lucky for him."
Donna blushes crimson. The annexe clearly wasn't as sound-proofed as she had thought.
Happily, her dad returns before her mom can say any more, closely followed by Harvey, who had finally decided enough time had elapsed for it to be safe.
After a delicious Christmas breakfast, Donna and her parents exchange gifts, then they all head out for a short walk on the snow.
Donna is a little distracted, pondering what her mom said about boundaries. She's right, she knows. But it is so damn hard to find the right balance in her relationship with Harvey, even putting her raging hormones aside. It seems the only way that they can keep from getting too close is pushing themselves too far apart. She decides to ignore the issue till they're back in New York. She wants time out from her worries, to enjoy Christmas and feel close to the man who has her whole heart.
They return for Christmas lunch. Harvey and Jim manage to stay civil, to Donna's surprise. Things become a little more strained, however, when they play a game of Monopoly. Competitive as ever, Harvey looks set to wipe the floor with them all, and her dad is clearly irritated and gets a little passive aggressive.
Donna lands on his dark blue street that Harvey has filled with hotels, and he knocks her out of the game.
"There's a man who knows how to take what he wants," says Jim sharply.
Donna tries to make light of his comment. "Yes, the world of real estate better watch out of Harvey ever decides on a career change."
"If you're this ruthless when the opponent is the mother of your child, I wouldn't like to see you against a real enemy."
"It's just a game, Dad!"
Harvey doesn't take the bait. "Donna is almost as competitive as me. I'm sure she doesn't want any favors," he says, with a tight smile.
Harvey knocks Jim out next, and then Clara. Jim sits there, arms folded, very quiet.
To even things up and calm things down, Donna suggests they move on to charades, at which the Paulsens all excel but which she knows will put Harvey way out of his comfort zone. She is right, and she very much enjoys teasing him about his wooden performances. Jim loosens up, and she breathes a sigh of relief.
In the early evening, her dad lights the fire, and they open a huge box of chocolates. Donna tells her parents about the house, and shows them the pictures. Her mom is effusive as ever, Jim rather tight-lipped
After a while, her dad goes to stack the dishwasher, and her mom picks up one of her new books. Donna snuggles under Harvey arm on the couch and they look in detail at the house's location and the floor plan, and briefly check out the local schools that Harvey had seen
The house is beautiful. Freshly remodelled in a neutral style, there is lots of room to put their stamp on it without needing to do too much work. The basement apartment offered good flexibility, given their unusual situation. And there's even a small backyard.
Donna feels uncomfortable about the extremely high cost, but she knows Harvey is wealthy enough to barely notice the purchase. And although she has good savings, anywhere she could afford alone wouldn't offer both the space that they need and the proximity to the office: they'd have to compromise on one or the other.
She starts to feel excited at the thought of choosing furniture, decorating the nursery, making a real home. Seeing the baby's firsts. Easter and Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas and birthdays. In her imagination, Harvey is always at her side, sharing in the joy of it all. Given how close they are right now, that seems a likely outcome. But she remembers how fast everything unravelled after their trip to Martha's Vineyard, and she doesn't want to count on it.
Whatever happens, while it'll be weird to leave her apartment after so many years, it's really nice to feel that her life is moving to a new stage. She is more than ready for that.
"So we're doing this then?" he asks
"Yeah, I think we are, she smiles at him, eyes shining.
After a while, she and Harvey get to contrasting the house with their first New York apartments, and talking how far they'd come.
"Remember where I was living back then, Harvey? I had four roommates and we had to share one tiny bathroom. It was so badly ventilated that when I got back after the holidays, there was fungus growing next to the bath. Like actual mushrooms."
"And you invited me back to that palace to eat after the DA's Christmas party and you only had ramen in your cupboard because it was the week before we got paid. And we had to eat it sitting on your bed because your roommate was hosting a romantic dinner in the lounge with that guy who laughed like a donkey." He imitates it, and Donna dissolves into laughter.
"Be honest though Donna. Would I find much more than ramen in your cupboards now? Or is it just toast these days?"
"Hey, the toast obsession was just a first trimester thing!"
Harvey tilts his head. "Is that so?"
"Anyway your place wasn't much better. You shared with that guy who sniffed all the time and never changed out of his cycling shorts when he got home from work. And your bedroom looked over dumpsters."
*Malcolm. Don't remind me."
It's warm and fun, and Donna is so glad he's here with her for the holidays.
Harvey excuses himself to go to the bathroom. Her dad has returned from the kitchen, and fallen asleep in front of a movie and is lightly snoring.
Her mom looks at her and raises her eyebrows. "Remind me why you two aren't together," she asks.
"It's complicated mom."
"You love him, you always have. He clearly adores you. You've got over a decade of shared history, you make each other laugh. You're telling me you're just friends. But when you needed him, he was here like a shot. Neither of you can keep your hands to yourself. If last night is anything to go by, there's certainly no shortage of passion." At this last comment, Donna dies a little inside. "And you're going to be parents. I can't help thinking there's a right answer here, honey."
"Mom, I want it to work out. I hope it does. But it's easy over the holidays, when we're just having fun and hanging out. Real life is harder."
"But this is the part of life that's real, Donna. When you're an old lady these are the moments you'll remember. Not what happened in some office. Perhaps you should…".
To Donna's relief, Harvey re-enters, and the conversation changes direction.
It's getting late, so she excuses herself and gets ready for bed, sneaking down to Harvey's room as soon as the coast is clear. Still pretending that what happens in Cortland stays he Cortland (or perhaps tacitly acknowledging that the damage was done) she sleeps with him again, determined to make the most of their time together, and it's every bit as passionate and intense as the previous night, though they're more careful to stay quiet.
Afterwards, they're lying tangled up with together, pleasantly sweaty and satiated.
"Donna?"
"Uh huh," she replies, already halfway towards sleep.
"I don't think we are very good at being friends."
"No?" She gives him a lopsided smile "What makes you say that?"
He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and chuckles.
"Maybe we need to be family to each other instead," she says snuggling back into him.
"I think we just comprehensively established I'm not your brother."
"Some other kind of family then. We'll figure it out in New York," she says, closing her eyes, disinclined to burst their happy Christmas bubble so soon.
Harvey kisses the top of her head, and Donna is quickly asleep, but he stays awake, his mind darting around restlessly. He thinks about the little girl in the photo. Office gossip . What Donna said to him that last night in the office. What Jim had said to Donna. Sean Cahill. Mike. His father's death.
After a while, he has come to a conclusion that surprises even himself. They aren't friends. They aren't siblings. They need to be husband and wife. And he wants to marry her, ideally before the year is out.