Starmegalo is here. I know I waited you guys a lot but this chapter is something else, firstly I want to say: IT'S LONG. And my beta mightiesthacker helped a lot.
I advise you to read it in parts if your attention span is bad. It might prevent you the best experience since this chapter has lots of turns and stuff.
Btw I am open to all kinds of commission when it comes to writing, I write anything for money so if you want something you want it to be written. I am happy to discuss, discord is the best place for that. I'll continue my smut series Unsatisfied Star soon I hope I can catch the attention of people who like to commission smut stuff. I think I will be good at that. I don't give much fuck what people think so…yeah you'll see.
p a tre on dot com slash starmegalo
/YxtzwbzVQh for a very chill discord server. You are all invited!
Now onto the reviews!
iongenetic: I just wanted to apologize if what I sayed was wrong I swear the things I said was from some popular YouTube videos I forgot about. I am sorry for not fact checking the information before I wasted your time. Also the writing was great keep up the work.
A: Don't worry, that's basically most of the fandom. Not to mention Youtubers are changing so many shit and inserting their own narration. That's why this community believes Lust IF is just troll IF that got discarded and Petra there is 13 or something when it's openly stated she looks different and story happens in future. Plus other shit like how Pridebaru didn't call for help.
Kirill Kolbasko: Author and how do you feel about Beatrice in the canon. and if it's not a secret, how is it here?
A: Firstly, I feel like Beatrice is the one Subaru ought to care about most after arc 4. But Tappei is an Emilia simp. And in this story…well I did not change Beatrice, hell I do believe this Subaru is mostly same with canon one except I filled that insane emptiness and made sense with his already existing skills.
My writing signature however, is that I do not cover any character's asses. NOPE! So you must realize that Beatrice did tried to make Subaru go fucking mad in his first day as a joke. I am not going to spoil WHAT will happen. But I am just saying that Beatrice isn't just a abused child. Old Echidna's intentions were good I don't give a fuck what Tappei says and makes Tea party Echidna unfeeling sociopath and different from Old Echidna. In my mind she just lied about not caring about her or thinks she didn't. Because otherwise how the fuck you explain the difference? Tea party Echidna has memories of parting with Beatrice and still says she only did to satisfy her curiosity? That's just murder of her character… Tappei loves to butcher Echidna. So many inconsistencies. Not that I give a fuck, she is QUITE high in my list.
Shortly, Subaru will not ignore Beatrice's cruel jokes and rudeness but also won't turn a blind eye to her suffering. Nothing is black and white like Tappei makes out to be.
Well, with all this. Let's start.
Subaru was already shocked before regaining consciousness.
He remembered all of it, not just this time but before too. He remembered all the times he was inside that void.
When Subaru was dying…he could not accept things ending there. That did not change even after he died.
He rejected every afterlife existence itself offered to him. Several afterlives from a multitude of worlds… he rejected them all.
That is why he ended up outside of it. A place that did not exist. A place that could not be acknowledged by existence itself.
Subaru understood that would not change. He would always end up there.
Whether Subaru returned from that place to continue his story or decided it was time to end the story and stay, he would go to that place. That's why he was sure if he ever died again…he would end up there.
That was precisely what happened.
But then… when determined to continue. He did not 'wake up' right away. Instead, he ended up in a different place.
It didn't feel as comforting as the void. But he knew that he 'started over' so that place was inside of existence… inside of Subaru's living consciousness.
Yes, it was all inside Subaru's mind.
But why did that place even exist? He didn't know.
That's when the place began to be covered by shadows. She arrived right after.
Some girl started to confess to him. That was all there was. She would not say anything else. Those confessions were weirdly empty though… there wasn't any present feeling in them. It was almost like confessing to him was a natural thing to do for her, a state of self.
Subaru could not accept that. It was a ridiculous situation. That girl's….'love' wasn't fake, but it wasn't normal either. She did not think it through, she did not care about the receiving end. If she did she wouldn't just say it over and over again.
Even with all those red flags—
'My interest is piqued.' He had a subconscious 'disgust' for that girl too. He did not see her face for that reason. It was covered. Subaru's mind covered her face.
However… even so, he was curious.
'I also didn't miss how her facade slipped at the end,' Subaru noted her words before snapping from his thoughts.
Love me.
'So desperate,' Subaru thought one last time and started looking around.
"Now…What happened in this place?"
Subaru analyzed the surroundings even as his body was in pain. Part of the building was gone… unnaturally cut. Subaru imagines the cut is made just like how anime characters cut things without touching… Elsa's body could not sever this place in any other way.
This was against physics itself… that didn't mean Elsa couldn't've done that, it most likely meant that physics worked differently in this world.
Nonetheless, he was lucky that no one came in from the large openings around the place, that large cut wasn't the only part open in the place. This place was destroyed beyond repair.
Some places were frozen solid. Actually even Subaru's body was frozen a bit… it was a mystery he didn't understand. How did he survive?
'…Damn.' There they were. The corpses that he never saw alive. Even when he returned, he did not see them alive because for the sake of his plan, he had to wait until very late.
Both of them turned into dust… one corpse he saw with his light was a large old man, now his body was turned into bits. There were crystals shaped like flowers too. They were most likely made from ice, perhaps they were red because they had blood in them.
'Ice flowers that suck the life force out of people huh? That's just like you Satella, a power that looks 'beautiful' but it's nothing like that, not one bit.' Subaru had no way of knowing if it was Puck or Satella who did the magic… but he knew it had to be Satella.
It suited her.
The thought of Satella making flowers appear on his skin and killing him by sucking blood just because she is out of control—yes, he wasn't wrong about treating her like a time bomb. That was what she was.
Satella did not require hostility to kill Subaru. If Subaru said something, anything, wrong that broke Satella's fragile view of reality, she could just snap and do that while she was out of control.
And while his bloodless corpse stayed there because of her mindless usage of magic, Puck would explain how it wasn't Satella's fault. How she didn't do it on purpose. A disgusting rationalization fitting a disgusting soul.
Satella would remember Subaru while thinking how she would do good to fix her mistake. Subaru would just be another 'tragedy' in Satella's story.
Completely and utterly laughable.
Subaru thought it was as realistic a scenario as it could get— he was sure Satella, with her black-and-white view, thought rights and wrongs were like points that erase each other.
It couldn't be farther away from reality—if you take a life, you cannot undo that.
'Me saying this though…' Subaru knew he had the power. Saving people by using his life as a price. But he had absolutely no reason to do that whatsoever.
His actions were of someone that didn't value their life.
He didn't have self-preservation.
He didn't love himself.
However, He believed his life was 'life,' just like everyone else's.
No amount of self-hate could make him unsee that simple reality, saying that Natsuki Subaru's very life itself has no value was tantamount to saying he was worthless even as a baby. A baby that made his father and mother smile. There was worth in that, how could there not be?
Life was life. And Subaru was glad he had his life.
He had his dignity as a human being so he would not produce lives for some random 'witch.'
"H…..he…..y…"
"Huh?"
No way.
No way she was alive.
'Why are you not dead? With all those holes in your body,' Subaru's mind screamed.
Subaru did not even comment on Satella's corpse in his mind until now. Because it was simply irrelevant. She died once again. And that made Subaru's life better, and safer, even though he did not want to admit it.
It was not a lie. Even if Satella survived Elsa alone and Subaru went his own way. Subaru would not discard the idea of somewhat making sure that Satella would be dead.
Because it was a fact that Satella could take his life randomly when he didn't even know.
Puck was the same.
'But now she is alive? She is alive… Why are you alive? Is this stubbornness because you want to live? Only difference you will achieve… would be—'
Getting killed by me—
But Subaru couldn't even assert that thought in his mind. Natsuki Subaru had to finish someone who lost their limbs and lost most of their life. How could he do that? Can he do that?
He could… he definitely could. She was weak.
But again… even trying to imagine it hurt Subaru's heart.
He could gut, stab, pierce, bite, gnaw and do everything one can imagine to Elsa.
But—killing a child that lost their limbs?
"Khghh…." Subaru felt so bad that he couldn't help but make a sound.
'Please don't make me kill you, please don't make me kill you now or after you kill me,' he asserted. If Satella killed him here, she would end up dead in the ONE TRUE REALITY.
'It's just… I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it one bit. Even as I imagine the harm you did to me, even when I recall you taking my victory and pride from me twice—None of that anger isn't enough to make me kill you right now. So please, once, just once in your life don't be stupid. Please Satella,' Subaru begged in his mind.
He mustered all the courage he could muster. Slowly get up and—
'Elsa… you…' He silently wondered as he saw her work up close…
"Mister…?" she whispered. She could still see him.
"Yes… half-elf-san." He would not call her Satella. She did not like that name even though she chose it. He purposefully called her 'half-elf-san,' he didn't know why but he wanted her to know that… wanted her to know that he did not hate her for that.
It wasn't that Subaru was trying to get her good graces… it's that he didn't want her to think the last person she talked to despised her. After all, he knew Satella thought everyone hated her because of the 'name' and 'race.'
In her last moments, she deserved at least that much mercy. Even after everything she had done… maybe not. But Subaru chose to give her that nonetheless.
"You… I am sorry."
Was she talking about knocking Subaru out or something totally pointless? With Satella's intelligence level, Subaru doubted what she was talking about for a moment. But he disregarded his doubts.
"Well…It was a rather scary-looking sight huh?" Subaru was coated in the blood of Elsa, continuously stabbing her. No wonder they were cautious.
To that, she slowly murmured. Agreeing but not wanting to call him scary after everything.
It was a sad sight. It was a heart-wrenching sight. However…
"Even though it's understandable why you attacked me… I won't sugarcoat things for you in your last moments. Things that led you here… were your choices. All of it…. but, you seem to understand that huh? That look in your eyes. Old you would not have possessed that. Absolutely not. You did well by facing it." Subaru's words were totally incomprehensible, it was a language that sounded all-knowing but that was impossible, that reason alone made him a madman in this instance. Anyone who heard it would stop thinking about it right as they started.
After all, Subaru never met with Emilia.
Regardless of what happened to him, regardless of how right he was. That was the sole irrefutable truth, Subaru talking as if Emilia could understand all of that was a showing of his changing self. Subaru himself realized that the moment words came out of his mouth. It was almost as if he disregarded the fact that she knew nothing and spoke anyway.
Subaru erased the old history, but it truly happened when it happened even though now it never happened.
No one but Subaru would remember it. That is why…he had this feeling of wanting to assert that knowledge from history that no one would remember.
However… Even though it was a madman's language, Emilia accepted those words and took them to heart.
Because this man respected her right now when she was at her lowest and told her harsh truths as no one did, he definitely wasn't lying.
Even if this man had to be lying… he wasn't lying. It could not be.
Emilia's ability to process words within her mind was certainly insufficient and far below the average person who tried to survive in this harsh world… let alone Natsuki Subaru.
However, her heart was open with no part being close to him. At this moment, at the very least.
That is why she knew those words weren't lies.
Any other stranger in this world who never talked with Subaru except bar one, could not accept those words as truth.
She was not that stranger but she was the second person who could do that. If you exclude that stranger Subaru never met, only Emilia and Elsa would accept the words he asserted from madness.
Elsa because she would submit to that darkness. She accepted that there was an incomprehensibility to the man called Natsuki Subaru. She could not understand and yet she could understand with her heart. She already put him above many, many people in this world.
Elsa submitted to that darkness every loop so far and she would continue to submit even more, falling for it more and more.
Emilia accepted that light. When she was betrayed by everything, the fake memories, and the real memories when all of that betrayed her, the people of the past, present and future. Her benefactor was a lie. Her protector was a lie. Her family of the past was a lie.
She was at such a low that even someone like Emilia understood the philosophical mockery her enemy made. Promises were nice words… She did not lie at that time. They were nice words but that was all they were.
For PUCK, that person she called daddy… probably destroying everything for her, sounded really good. There was no mistake. 'I'll do everything for you,' 'I will face everything if it's for you,' are pretty words he told her from time to time indeed. Easy on the ear but disgusting in nature.
But she would not end up like that. When everything betrayed her. Thanks to this person's honesty. That brutal honesty healed her fragile self and made her stronger. She could feel it. She had come to accept all of it. Even though everything was about to end. By believing his words, she made one right choice in her life.
Emilia finally understood the person called Emilia, now that she could see everything.
"Hmmm… thank you… mister." Her voice was extremely weak, that fact did not change, but still, it was stronger in some other way.
Subaru just nodded at her. "You found a new you. I congratulate you on that. It takes courage, that I know." Somehow Subaru himself felt relaxed that Emilia could accept his words and understand them. The happiness rising in his chest was not a lie despite the fact that she was… dying. Another sign that he was changing. In what way…he didn't know.
"If you only… if you only had been alone without ever meeting with that spirit and perhaps many others who took care of you. I feel like if we could meet like that… I think I might've fallen for you. Not that I have one type that I am absolutely crazy about since I like every girl who looks beautiful… but the silver color scheme is my personal favorite on girls. Not that white is any different but… yeah. Just had a thing for silver because of a character I read about." For some reason, he felt like blurting all that out and he did. None of them was a lie, it was just that word 'anime character' turned into a character I read before so that she can comprehend.
"Hmm." She softly hummed in that weak state. Subaru didn't know what exactly she meant but it was filled with pure warm emotion.
…
Silence. Both of them did not say a word. The inevitable was approaching her.
"Hey, mister."
"Yes?"
"Can I get something for my…'courage?'" Subaru surely found her ability to face herself surprising and commendable… but he doubted he could give anything to her.
"I don't… I don't think I can… If It's something I can give then…" Subaru felt pathetic. Helpless. Even though he knew he shouldn't feel that way.
The girl acknowledged his words and then slowly lifted her left arm Subaru couldn't do anything from the shock he received as he saw her move in that state. It was obvious that she was using her remaining energy on this.
As Subaru froze her index finger came close to Subaru…
And then it met his cheek. The moment it touched his cheek, she stopped struggling to reach it.
There was a satisfied smile on her face.
Now, she could—
"Not like this…" Subaru couldn't accept… no… he would not let her last efforts go in vain in any way.
If he was going to remember her then—
"Your name… TELL ME YOUR NAME!" He grasped her hand before it could reach the ground. Subaru grasped tightly so that perhaps she could stay awake thanks to the pain she was having from it.
"Please!" His tears started to drop. How long has it been since he cried? He was a child back then… he wouldn't cry when he bled or when he was beaten. Nothing could make Natsuki Subaru cry. But then he realized he was different. When that shoved into Subaru's face…he cried and then he never did it again.
Now he was praying, hoping earnestly so that he wouldn't regret not being able to know her name at this moment.
The heavens abhorred Subaru and Hell itself had its standards. There was no God who could sympathize with Subaru's wish to know her name because Gods were shallow in nature. They could not understand this pure girl's last struggle.
A struggle that Subaru must not let be in vain by not knowing her name. If he can't learn it in this instant from her mouth then—
How could he forgive himself?
Even after everything happened—could this blind hate be excused?
Perhaps he had excuses and reasons but Natsuki Subaru's heart would regret it nonetheless.
That's why he did not pray to heaven or hell, God or Devil. His wishes were directed by no one but this girl. If she could gain even a bit of strength from it—then!
"Emilia."
Huh?
"Just Emilia. Thank you, mister. You really felt like mine. Someone that liked me for me. It's the first time that I had anything real…you are mine, mister."
…
"Kh… ngnnnnnnn…" He tried to keep his eyes shut the moment Emilia… left. But he could not stop his hot streaming tears from leaving his eyes or his involuntarily made sounds.
Sobbing. Weeping for a long time after what happened. Subaru did not stop. Until there was a hesitant hand on his shoulder.
Subaru's humanity and his extreme sensitivity caused him to emphasize with Emilia even more now that she was gone. But he did not run away from the pain. After all, the girl who had run away from everything faced every wrong and did not crush.
She is gone now. Forever.
"She is gone and there is nothing that can fix that." He muttered with a calm voice that carried so much while standing on the snow, unnaturally unaffected by the cold weather. He stood his ground with a blank face.
Ever since that day, even though months passed, Subaru kept repeating the same thing over and over again.
He cannot fix it. No matter what. It was true even though things pointed against it.
Even the cold, unforgiving wind that hit his face wasn't harsh as the situation he was in. It was an impossible-to-solve conundrum. The answer was obvious, but it changed nothing. The answer did not give what he had lost. It would only give an illusion of that happening.
"Is this place… is this the right place?" He asked himself. A place to bury his half-elf friend. This place was the first answer, but the first answer wasn't always the correct one. The emptiness and despair on Emilia's face showed she had no place she could call home and no person she could trust in those moments.
Subaru thought that before after all, Emilia had so many extremists in her life. The ones hated her extremely because they lived in the forest where she froze. After her candidacy, she met with people that absolutely detested demi-humans.
Of course, it wasn't just extreme hate that distorted that girl's life. People like Puck probably did more damage than open hostility. You can ready your heart and defend against hate even though it hurts. It won't be fatal as you get stronger, as you adapt to the hate you receive.
However, The other side of the extreme was more sinister in his opinion. Not only that, Puck's betrayal was fatal to Emilia because she allowed him into her heart. The comfort zone Puck created for Emilia distorted her world view, she was someone who believed EVERYONE hated her. That was simply not the case. Not everyone can care enough to hate you. That was the truth of the matter.
That was the truth Subaru believed in when he didn't even know Emilia's name. He had time to prove the belief he confidently believed. He was right. Not everyone hated Emilia. There were people who adored Emilia. They were few. But it's not like you get most people to love you. That's a privilege few possess.
"There are people who genuinely mourn you. Not just me and my friend." Subaru spoke confidently to empty space. He decided it was time to walk again… walk to that place. A place that told a story different from the history known to the masses.
One of the things he liked about snow was… the voice of the steps made. Not to mention the trail you leave behind and when you come back later, seeing that trail gone or remains, it truly makes you feel nature.
'Perhaps it's because of Emilia that I can think such trivial stuff while mourning her' Subaru thinks. It felt right. She seemed like a person you can talk to about most trivial stuff without her finding it weird. It was like that wasn't it? Even in their first time…
Subaru shook off the memories from his mind for a while. He arrived at the place, thinking perhaps looking at them would perhaps convince him that this was the place to bury Emilia.
"But you guys just can't seem to convince me no matter how many times I try to imagine her being happy with you…now that's a failure isn't it?" He spoke towards frozen statues. Without even thinking how weird it was. He didn't care how he looked from the outside. He accepted the actuality that he would always look weird and unempathizable. Not only was he from a different plane of existence but he also had a nature that made him knowledgeable about things.
Return by Death.
IF, Subaru's story is cut short in a way that he cannot possibly accept. He would come back to a point where he can change that unacceptable ending swiftly. The power that none would have because they would not wish for it. Return by Death did not undo Subaru's death. For that reason alone ability itself wasn't going against the very nature of death even though it rejected fate itself.
When Subaru dies. He dies. There is not a single moment that the natural way of his end is cut short. He dies naturally. Even if he didn't Return by Death he would end up in the same place regardless.
He ends up there. Then he Returns by Death.
Return by Death happens when Subaru dies. So in a sense, he does not reject his END, but fate.
To the world and existence, perhaps Subaru defied things. But if death could see Subaru, he believed that it would not dislike him for his ability to Return by Death. After all, Subaru still ENDS, before he BEGINS a new one.
All that aside. He still questions—
"Is this really the right place?"
"I really think so. It is the best place she can rest. I really don't understand why you question this… But I can see that your questioning is for her sake. It's really like you."
A man stands beside Subaru as if it was the most natural thing to do. If snow made the ground its canvas and painted it all white, this man did not add any imperfection to that painting, for his steps did not leave any trace behind.
If the calm snow created tranquility and the wind was a whisper of nature, he certainly did not disrupt it, for his steps did not make any sound that could be heard.
However, if you were to compare his presence to this forest where the source of its icing seemingly could be used to freeze time itself, then this man was against that grand display of power. For it was nothing but a feeble attempt against him. If the girl who froze this forest used her full potential on him. He would not be frozen.
The presence he exuded felt like he was a walking pillar of fire that could not possibly let anything or anyone become frozen like this in his presence. Anyone who sees him would understand instinctively that he was loved and chosen by the gods themselves.
Subaru however, disagrees. He doesn't believe gods could be competent enough that anyone they chose can become him. He was a miracle that surprised Od Laguna and the gods themselves. And they were quick to steal the credit from nature's brilliance that allowed possibilities and tainted him.
"I don't think her last thoughts about this place were anything but negative." Subaru calmly asserted with emotion apparent with each word.
"She…Subaru… She is the one who froze this place. She struggled for this place."
"Is this Reinhard saying it or Reinhard telling me the rumors of others?"
"It's what I know to be true. When I was a child and felt the cold winds coming from Elior, I knew the cold they carried had unnatural mana in them. When I met Emilia-sama for the first time… I knew she was the one the moment I laid my eyes on her. Subaru, She is most definitely the one who froze Elior forest one hundred years ago." The confidence and how he knew remained unhidden. If it was Subaru, he would not just eat up his words if he had said "Theory" or called it a "Probability."
Subaru had come to learn when Reinhard speculates something and when he shows it as 'probable' because he wouldn't want to make people think so that he can be sure of many things and disturb them. Reinhard did not want to disturb anyone. That's why Subaru's simple way of understanding him would be problematic if anyone were to figure out his intentions like that.
'Luck would have it Subaru is weird. No. Not luck, it's just Subaru is Subaru.'
Subaru's word choices to comment on his strength would be extremely harsh for himself if anyone were to use them. But with Subaru, most of the time they were just reactions and jokes. He also had a very out-of-the-box(1) way of thinking.
When Reinhard informed Subaru on things and legends everyone should've known when they were just a child. Just from the way he talked Subaru claimed that Reinhard must be the strongest being in history.
He did not imagine the first correct pinpoint of his powers ever since he was born would be this… sudden and from Subaru nonetheless. But the answer was nothing complicated.
'You talk way too easily about these so-called heroes and Witch. From your perspective, it seems like their power levels are visible and they are simple. I just thought it made sense.'
Reinhard lost composure when Subaru just said he was the strongest out of nowhere. Subaru figuring out a reality that no one ever accepted or thought about was shocking to him. The people who know most about his powers called him "Close to Dragon himself" or "Only one comparable to Dragon."
Subaru's logic was sound. So it felt weird. For him to accept that just like that. But it also felt relaxing. Because Subaru did not fear him or revere him, actually, absolutely nothing changed other than more jokes about him coming from his mouth.
So that's why he stopped altogether—acting like he wasn't sure about things. When he is alone with him.
It was refreshing, it felt liberating.
"So what we get here is that she froze the forest as a child. She did not remember this until her contract with Puck was severed. Contracts have the power to force someone to forget things… Did I get it right?" Subaru asks Reinhard.
"Hmm…" Reinhard put his hand on his chin and started thinking. Making sure that they are not making a mistake.
"That seems correct. Normally contracts cannot be forced in that way. However… even if we assume that Emilia-sama accepted her memories to be sealed. I do not think she would accept the things the Great Spirit would initiate once she loses her life. I also do not believe a spirit cannot possibly break the rules of nature regardless of how they came to exist." Reinhard explains to Subaru that it is impossible for Puck to achieve something like forcing his will on a contract just because he is powerful.
"So…pure power does not allow you to break rules. It has to be hax, that's the requirement for breaking rules. And a spirit cannot possibly possess something like that?"
"Hax…Ah, you mean 'cheating.' Yes, spirits are very natural beings, I do not know how the Great Spirit is created. However, the creator itself did not particularly achieve anything close to going against nature itself. It's more like they were able to create a powerful spirit… It is something that can be done with fully natural means. This makes me believe that the creator themselves was incapable of following such a procedure. Perhaps they were not attuned with spirits…or—anyways, while I do not know how he achieved those parts of the contract, he did not possess any… hax."
Or they were a Witch, remained unsaid.
Reinhard himself was very amused by the term brought by Subaru. Hax; cheat abilities that broke the rules of the World.
"Are you really sure… that one cannot just use their power to do it?"
"It is an absolute rule. So much so that I myself cannot achieve anything beyond 'natural.' In actuality, even those who are considered 'unnatural' don't get out of the scope of the rules in this world," Reinhard explained… however Subaru couldn't quite catch up.
"What do you mean? Aren't there supposed to be beings that are the opposite of you, so cursed that they can break rules?"
"No. There simply isn't anyone who can stand up against me or that can be counted as opposition." Reinhard stated hard facts. Irrefutable truth.
"... What the… then what about all that 'incomprehensible' Witch stuff? Don't they have powers of unknown origin?" Subaru said very thematically. Expecting some sort of balance patch for Reinhard… though he had low hopes since Reinhard was the topic itself.
"It is not exactly a lie. They have Authorities. And that is quite hard to understand by many people."
"Authorities… So they are skills that cheat?"
"Abilities that are known as Authorities. When they clash against Divine Protections, they have superiority and they will always win. That is no lie, indeed. Never went against one directly but I have been… subjected to its effects."
"You… How did that happen?"
"While it is true that Witches do carry Authorities what they do not realize is that they are not the only ones who can have them. The Beasts of Gluttony. They have Authorities." Reinhard explained like a master teacher…as always.
"Don't tell me…that you did what I said even though…" After thinking with a blank face for a while… something dawned on Subaru… then he accusingly glared at Reinhard.
"Oops." It was truly a situation where roles were reversed. It was usually Subaru who would say 'Oops' or 'Tehee' while hitting his head and sticking his tongue out. It was hilarious to see Reinhard like that since he just… copied one of Subaru's iconic moves when he got busted by him.
Subaru sighs… as Reinhard would do in reversed roles.
"So… the whole assurance of 'Do not worry Subaru. I have Divine Protection against poison. I cannot be harmed by it.' Was that just a poor excuse?"
"I cannot say it wasn't an excuse so that I would hear your curious 'plan' against the Black Water. But I did not lie about being immune to poison. I just didn't add that I wasn't immune to this particular one."
The truth of the situation was… if they just came to this place, they would have to rush everything. Reinhard, who was a national hero and the Sword Saint, could not spend much of his time. That is why Subaru came up with a plan.
Every now and then… The poison left by Black Serpent here would escape the ice and harm people, it was called The Black Water by some. Subaru thought if Reinhard and he could take care of it then Reinhard would not have simply taken an out-of-character day off but would have a purpose for his absence.
But the fact that Reinhard lied didn't change so Subaru didn't smoothen up his face just yet.
A lie of omission was still a lie, after all. 'I've corrupted him. Not that that's a bad thing necessarily, he needs some darkness in his personality' Subaru pondered.
"At least… you were not about to get hit in any instance at all. Can you at least say that?"
"Absolutely. It wasn't even close," Reinhard says without missing a beat. One of the things about Reinhard one could trust was his power. Even Reinhard himself wished that people trusted that more. But how strong he was simply could not be understood even by his reputation. It had to be experienced or witnessed up close to gain the full scope of his might and magnanimity. Though even that wouldn't allow anyone to see its limits.
The Sword Saints, regardless of which one people talked about, were unable to lose by nature, that was a belief for the ones called Sword Saint throughout history. However, when you used that logic on Reinhard, it was underestimating him and the statement itself wasn't a good understanding of his abilities. He was beyond Sword Saints before him.
It was like saying 'Kasparov is a good chess player.' (2) It's not wrong but… so much is lacking in that statement. That's how much it lacked when one states that Reinhard is a Sword Saint, so he is strong.
Subaru stopped glaring at Reinhard after being assured that he wasn't in any danger.
"So…back to that curious topic. If these… 'Authorities' are above your blessings when they are pitted against each other isn't that just hax? A cheat against the world?"
"The definition of Authority is, 'Right to change the world.' While in nature, it is definitely unknown how they appear… however in the end the truth of the matter is… that 'right' is also allowed and given by the World, regardless of what its origin of creation might be."
Reinhard asserted… in a much more assertive way than his normal passive self. It almost felt as if he KNEW that the Witches or whatever people using those abilities just didn't understand that one fact that Reinhard mentioned.
—Knowledge was power.
So Subaru learned that Reinhard was stronger than any Witch.
But he did not ask that question for that reason… he wanted to know something else… For that, he needed one last piece of information.
"Well… just tell me if I am wrong but… this one revelation felt absurdly like you were reading out of a book. How come? Not to mention you yourself have never directly faced any Authority. I kind of figured out what you mean when you say that you can get affected since you said to me once that you cannot recall people erased by the Whale."
"Oh, you would be right. That's because the World told me."
"I see… I see. Free knowledge I guess. I'll put this one to the disliked abilities section in the 'Reinhard skill set' though. No offense."
"None taken. But I wonder, Subaru, if I said that I can make you listen to what the World says about you or listen to the World itself in general. What would you say to that?" As Reinhard asked that, a gust of wind moved their capes, black and white standing, faced with each other. Reinhard was wearing his 'non-formal' clothing which was totally formal looking. Reinhard was curious about his answer.
Though Subaru felt that the gust of wind was an unironic telling that World was about to vomit or something.
"Nope. Nope! No thanks. I don't wanna. You know which power I want from you… if the world can give me that then I'll take it but anything else so far doesn't interest me. But seriously… there is no hax huh? Lame. It's all left to these unbalanced power levels, I guess."
"Ahahahahaha… That answer is just like you." Reinhard genuinely thought anyone else would be interested. But it was Subaru so he always expected the unexpected.
'Seriously though… you are still stuck on that. I was called a monster so many times but never for that.' He still remembers that moment. Reinhard never thought he would feel weird while hearing that insult for it.
While he was thinking about that memory with a deadpan face. Subaru reached an understanding.
Return By Death. What he thought he could call an Authority. If he went by its definition… wasn't an Authority.
Subaru, hence Return By Death too, did not need so-called rights from anything to reject his ending.
To begin with, until Subaru reached his ultimate end, Return By Death wouldn't even start. Subaru's consciousness ended in a place outside of existence let alone this world. That's when he would Return by Death.
But perhaps you could call that an Authority even though it didn't fit the textbook definition of that same word. Words can have different meanings after all.
It's not like Subaru had a good definition for Return By Death. It was weird that the most mysterious thing he found in this new world was himself–so far that is.
"Subaru… it's about time we-"
"What if Emilia subconsciously accepted?"
"Huh?"
"Emilia does what Puck says since she was dependent on him. Contracts need 'acknowledgment' but does it really need to be conscious? I would guess that since Emilia was only dependent on Puck, she accepted any and all conditions and stipulations to the contract without him ever needing to voice them other than 'trust me' or something along those lines." Subaru opened up that topic once again.
"That's…" That wasn't something Reinhard wanted to think about, however, Subaru didn't stop there.
"Also, even if Emilia froze the forest. It's not like she could know HOW to do it. It had to have been a reaction to something. Emilia also did not remember any of what happened here. If so, that guy would know it right?"
"Even though I'd like to find fault in those assumptions… but both of them sound very likely. I made him tell me every part of Emilia-sama's journey. I know L. Mathers is not lying. When I met with him while I was a child, he would use evasions while speaking to me. He no longer bothers to do that. At the very least, the investment he had in Emilia-sama was real." When first Reinhard laid his eyes on L when he was just 5 years old,he knew that man wasn't dangerous even with his overdeveloped sense of individuality similar to that of Reinhard when he was too young to even have that kind of sense of self.
Emilia-sama's dependency and trauma so far that covering behind the magical contract is natural to her and Roswaal's loss of vigor. They fit well with the answers they needed. Reinhard felt like Subaru managed to reach his hands on the truth once again.
"So… Emilia-sama's view on these people was proven wrong when she finally faced the truth. She used the contract itself to escape from her memories, which allowed the Great Spirit unnatural freedom over a contract that should've been equal from the start. I see. But… even then, where can we bury her? Let's say Emilia-sama wasn't fond of this place in her last moments. But…" Reinhard went silent. He could not think of a better place. Subaru's wish for her to be buried somewhere RIGHT, Reinhard could not understand at first. But Subaru taught him, undoubtedly. Now he wanted that too however—
"Let's bury her here, in this forest. I also cannot think of any other place. Perhaps there isn't any easy answer. But if I ever find a place that feels like somewhere she can rest better… I am willing to carry her once again." Subaru looked at Reinhard. He was also one of the rare people that cared about Emilia.
He saw no objection in his face. "We will carry her together, friend."
Subaru put his arm around Reinhard's shoulder as they started to walk where they left her.
No matter what the history will be at the end—
They shall be friends.
Subaru asserted to the world. Not caring about its opinion anyway.
Emilia's living quarters in this forest were destroyed when Roswaal came to find her. The Great Spirit and Magician started their destructive battle right in that place. So it was no longer a place to live.
Instead, they placed her in a different elven home… for the final preparations.
He was ready to spend whatever so that she would have an appropriate funeral. But that was rejected by Subaru, on the basis that Emilia's very appearance gave people a bad impression. Subaru could not accept that so he rejected Emilia being provided with that kind of service. He would not let people who hated her handle her for this important moment.
'That was when I thought I found a way… but Subaru did not like Felix.'
Actually, Reinhard's attempt to bring Felix as a candidate to prepare Emilia caused a rift between him and Subaru. There was a time he called him things and said insults that he could not reject. Subaru's words made him question if he was even smart. It's almost as if his gifts could not match Subaru's simple common sense because he wasn't dependent on anything.
Subaru said Felix was amused by her death. That he was a 'good slave' who was happy as one can be to tell his master that one of her rivals was dead. He also tried to question why Subaru even cares, arrogantly thinking himself entitled to know his story.
After Subaru psychologically damaged Felix with his words as a payback… It became obvious that he successfully targeted all of his weak spots. So much so that to this day he cannot operate well as Lady Crusch's Knight.
Reinhard took his time to help Felix too. Even though Subaru made him unable to turn a blind eye to his cruelty, Reinhard had to help him.
Whatever Subaru said to him, Reinhard does not know. But the more Crusch talked to Felix the worse he would get. It was almost as if Subaru cursed Felix with his words.
But what Subaru said actually made Reinhard feel a weird sensation on his spine.
"Curse huh? Well, if it's a curse that I placed on him then it's not even activated. Just wait until they start their little operation. Karsten is arrogant and ignorant in the worst ways, she will die and everyone will forget her. Finally, I won't be searched for what I 'did to Blue' anymore."
Subaru's predictions didn't have any implied attempt on anyone's life. He didn't even understand the curse part. But Subaru didn't do anything so he couldn't apprehend him, after all, he simply didn't commit any crime. After confirming with the words from Subaru's mouth which he knew to be true, Natsuki Subaru would not make any attempt on anyone's life in this matter. So Reinhard would not have to do something he'll regret for the rest of his life.
After the events with Felix, Subaru was searched. Reinhard didn't know why Lady Crusch searched for Subaru. He couldn't imagine her wanting revenge because of things he said… either way, Subaru had left Astrea manor before the search warrant became a reality…
Reinhard himself thought Subaru was paranoid when he said she would try to get to him regardless of what he did or didn't. But Subaru had a different opinion.
"The high and mighty Valkyrie-sama isn't that sturdy. I saw it in her, who she is right now was dictated by her talent and gifts that were determined at birth, unchallenged people are fragile. One step out of that comfort zone and… well, we'll see if her personality can take a challenge—a test let's say."
Crusch despaired way too quickly and Subaru's prediction became a reality.
But Subaru was too much to handle. That is why he didn't get caught. Reinhard had knowledge of how the Kingdom tracked down people when they really wanted to. With Subaru's lack of magical and even worldly knowledge, one might think he stood no chance. But Reinhard had a feeling that if it's Subaru things are never that simple and it has proven correct when traces of him were found and he wasn't there. That happened so many times that the Kingdom no longer made any attempts to catch him. But Crush Karsten did not stop.
So many resources, she kept spending to get to him. Resources that could've been spent elsewhere and actually accomplish something.
Reinhard didn't know how to feel about both the best healer in the nation and a Candidate for the throne being broken by Subaru. He hoped that he would be of some help.
—But that was weird too.
Subaru had no bonds to any Lugunican or to Lugunica itself. Apparently, he only had two friends. One is himself, something he will always be grateful for. Another friend of Subaru, he didn't know. Subaru never told him even though he had asked.
Either way, it was weird for him to expect Subaru's help in internal matters… but he just couldn't shake off the feeling that he could do so much more.
He doesn't want Subaru to get into danger, of course not, he would never want that. It's just that Reinhard believed that Subaru could help and do so much without fighting. He would also get the recognition he deserved too. Subaru would do good things now and then which would impact people's lives. But no one knows that it's him who did it.
"Though… that's a bit hard with how disconnected he feels towards this world," Reinhard muttered while shaking off the thoughts, it brought nothing but melancholy.
Instead, he enters the house. Where she stays.
He glances at the shelves and tables… It was a minimalistic place. Single room. The owner will never come back to it. So Reinhard thought it was okay to borrow… not that Subaru would stop if he had said it was not right to do so.
As he glanced at Subaru from above, looking at her eternally sleeping body while kneeling.
"Subaru. That will not work. Stop."
Subaru wasn't the only living being in this room beside him. There were minute spirits around the room. They were not contracted to Subaru—Subaru did not form contracts with spirits.
But somehow… all spirits would listen to him anyway.
The only difference between minute spirits was the fact that one of them was red, the one that would NEVER leave him. Even when Reinhard threatens her life both intentionally and unintentionally. She would just not leave.
"I am getting the gist of it, I stopped Felix or anyone else from taking care of it. I will take the responsibility." Subaru stated, eerily calm.
"You already stitched the parts with utmost competence. However, what you are doing right now is pointless."
"..."
"The water mana helps with the controlling of life. Spirits will not use it on a dead person. Even if you could do it yourself by contracting with one and forcefully putting it inside of her body… I doubt it would change anything. Life force will not work for the dead. Give up. She is ready. Please Subaru." It hurt Reinhard to say this but the truth needed to be told. Subaru already performed the necessary preparations for the funeral. No one else could do better. That's why Subaru probably couldn't say his goodbyes. That was the only result Reinhard reached.
"Ah… I am done asking." Subaru muttered darkly, flinching Reinhard—but of course, the words weren't for him. They dripped with venom and oozed with hostility.
After short seconds… a blue light appeared.
And while Reinhard watched him as he was in shock… minutes passed. It was a slow process but—
"She is perfect now. I know it was my own selfishness… so I am sorry Reinhard. But now we can begin." Emilia's skin was flawless now. It's almost like she was alive.
Subaru left the room, probably preparing for what they will do next—or he just wanted to empty his head. Reinhard didn't see any difference between those options though.
What he was thinking would be—
"There is no hax huh? Lame."
Reinhard sighs.
"I wonder about that…"
Spirits stay willingly around your poisonous miasma without caring about their own self-preservation.
You force spirits to use their sacred power over life force to 'heal' the dead.
If it's only you… then it's okay.
This is it. This was the time of goodbye.
Both he and Reinhard said their goodbyes loudly.
But he wanted a little more time before they put her into the resting place.
To conclude something akin to a conflict inside of him. To accept the truth once and for all.
He could not save Emilia. It was impossible.
However, he could achieve something akin to an illusion of that.
Return By Death—the action Subaru performs when he is at the ending and if he is not satisfied with it, he will return.
It was like nature to him, he knew everything about it. He understood perfectly.
There was a possibility of saving Emilia with it. But that was nothing but an illusion.
Because in the scenario where Subaru goes back to that one checkpoint, he does not save the Emilia he connected with. He eradicates her in a sense.
If he returns, he will never have the Emilia who opened her eyes to the truth regardless of how painful it was or Emilia that stopped letting her life be owned by that rat.
Everything would reset. Back to her being nothing more than a pretty doll.
There was no point in this history where he can both save Emilia and not revert her change.
If he goes too far back then Emilia is a doll.
If he goes when she is Emilia then she will die.
Those are not wounds that Subaru can heal with spirits. If they were, Emilia would be alive now. He is confident that he would even find a way for her to regain her limbs. But those thoughts…they were pointless now.
It truly hurt him. However, the selfishness and sense of self Emilia showed at the end made her happy and it also gave some sort of hope to Subaru that people can change.
'That's why I decided that I will remember you like that. The girl that selfishly wanted me even at death's door.'
This is the last goodbye.
"Let's do it, Reinhard."
"Yes, my friend."
Together, they put her into rest.
The sound of the bonfire was incredibly calming.
"Come, bring your hands." Subaru said, somewhat cheerful.
"Thank you, but I don't feel cold." Reinhard kindly rejected with a casual smile.
"Duh. That's an obvious assumption I can make at this point." A deadpan expression appeared on Subaru's face as he rejected Reinhard's rejection and forced him anyway.
It was nighttime, and they were still in Elior Forest.
"Hmm… I see now, it really does feel good." Even Reinhard who did not feel any cold could understand the relaxation from the warmth.
"Of course. When it comes to common sense, Reinhard is always wrong!"
"Can't you just say that you are right instead of always making me wrong?" Reinhard said with a tired voice while sighing softly, vapor coming out of his mouth.
'Perhaps… I should ask.'
"Subaru, where will you be going after this? I still believe if I say a word and explain the situation your warrant—"
"No. Thank you but… no." Subaru said while hesitating for a moment. But that hesitation disappeared as it surfaced.
Silence once again. The sound of the bonfire, the calm winds of the forest. Spirits watched Subaru, newly formed Mabeast corpses Reinhard made were being watched by other animals.
"So what will you do now?" Reinhard asked once again. Being somewhat stubborn. He could try to assume the answer himself but Subaru always proved to be incredibly unpredictable.
"What will I do…" Subaru said slowly while looking at the sky… he watched the stars. Stars that only he cared about if you exclude all magical and religious beliefs in this world. Natsuki Subaru was the only one who cared about stars because they were simply stars.
'But saying that MIGHT be wrong at this point, what about that?'
Everything pointed out that this was not the case… but for some reason when he sees all those star names. He feels different. The melancholy oozing from the signs of the long-dead past—that wasn't the case here. Whatever Return by Death was made of—whether be his Determination or Inability to give up.
It wanted him to pursue that one thread.
But he wasn't going to do that, because he found something else.
"I found… something."
"Something?" Reinhard puts a hand on his chin. Subaru sounded weird even by his own standards.
"I caught a glimpse of it. It actually feels like I shouldn't do it. I do not know why. It should be so simple if I am able to truly wish that. But I can't. There is a side of me that warns me."
"..."
"I am gonna do reckless stuff. I will hope once again."
Reinhard sighs in defeat.
"Well, you have no hurry right?"
"Not at all."
"Then let's stay here for longer. I am liking it…sitting in front of a bonfire I mean."
Subaru lightly chuckles as he keeps watching the stars while chatting with his friend. They would depart from here, going different ways.
(Hours later)
Subaru still remained at the campsite, sitting alone while Reinhard had left long ago. He had a duty after all and his presence meant safety for the entire capital.
But Subaru would not move. He instead just gazed upon the bonfire that was snuffed out by the winds long ago. He didn't move because he didn't need to.
After all, the darkness wasn't against him.
—It was the opposite, he had priority when it was a matter of the unknown.
"Ah, truly a foolish moment. I am burning with diligence, ready for the servitude, YET YET YET—you destroy your guidance of LOVE! And yet—"
"And yet, I receive once again. But don't you have manners? What about a 'Hello?' or any kind of greeting or pleasantries before you start a long rant?" Subaru smiled mysteriously without even looking at the figure behind him. Natsuki Subaru was one of the two people in this world that could ignore that kind of threat. Not even the Sin Archbishops stopped being on guard against one another, after all.
Over on the dark side, there weren't too many rules after all.
"Ah, how slothful, stupidity is the sign that your brain is SLOTHFUL! Calling my thoughtful words a long rant… ARE YOU PERHAPS CONFUSING ME WITH GREED?! UNFORGIVABLE!" The way the green man shouted the last part of his sentence made Subaru's ears ache.
Though he had a point. Regulus-san was talking a lot. If you know Regulus and call anyone else's speech a 'rant'... yeah, he had a point. Subaru said something stupid.
"You have the book?"
"Ah… referring to the sacred text merely as 'a book'...TRULY UNACCEPTABLE!"
"Hey, calm down. Books are sacred to me anyway."
"You… Why did you destroy your GOSPEL! Proof of LOVE!"
"Because the Gospel told me to do it."
"HOW?! WHY?!"
"Hell if I know… I do what the Gospel tells me after all. So I did it." It was utter bullshit. Natsuki Subaru's Gospel didn't even work unless he actually asked for something and even then sometimes it would have a hard time recommending an actual move.
If the Gospel was a chess engine, it worked like a super computer in the hands of others while when it's with Subaru, it sometimes acted like a 100 elo player telling you what to do and changing his mind constantly.
"This devotion…" To Petelguese, the action of destroying the Gospel was unthinkable. Probably the madman himself was questioning if he could even do it… to think Beloved of Disciples did it without hesitation…
"Oh god… not again."
"HOW CAN I BE SO SLOTHFUL?! This lack of hesitance to obey the WITCH'S LOVE! It's incredible… INCREDIBLE! BUT HOW COULD I NOT UNDERSTAND THIS?! OH, WITCH! FORGIVE ME! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! FORGIVE! Gthtghghvi!"
Subaru already stood up when his tone became even crazier. He knew there was some sort of self-harm incoming and he didn't want the blood splatter to dirty his cloak. He made the right choice as blood sprayed from Petelguse's bloodied fingers. When he started to bite his fingers while looking at the sky with rage for himself… he started to choke on his own blood while still shouting.
'Seriously… it paid off over and over again and yet… is it truly worth being included with these lunatics?'
It's not like he was harmed in any way so far or burned down any village. However, Subaru himself was creeped out by how casual he was. The Cult itself felt like somewhere he belonged more than the societies in this world. And this green creep invoked some sort of friendship in Subaru.
The way he made his plans and other stuff. Subaru resonated with him. He would be like him minus the madness if he had any goals.
…
Seriously, he should be dead. And yet, he survives regularly while talking with Sin Archbishops from time to time. Normally conversing with them regularly meant that you wouldn't live long.
However, Subaru just could get on the same wavelength as the madman and women here despite them being unpredictable as Subaru often put it. His friendship stretched even towards 'Easily offendable living hax.' and 'Funny green man'
Even though Subaru himself was easy to converse with and he didn't kill anyone so far… Other Cultists labeled him as an abnormal danger, a heretic amongst heretics.
Subaru's normal way of acting inside of the dark side with no rules. That was the exact reason why everyone was so freaked out.
But Subaru was deep in thought. The green man eventually stopped his mad self-harming session.
"YOU! Why did I have to give you your Gospel?"
"What are you… Oh right! Once destroyed, it just comes back like nothing happened right? Well, I dunno, that shit doesn't work while I am around, I guess?" Subaru shrugged.
"..."
"Anyways, give me my Gospel. Betelgeuse."
"That way of calling me… you are just another creep, are you? To think you are like her…"
"Rejecting the truth is what holds you back, you know?"
"EXACT SAME SENTENCE! How slothful." Petelguese said with a mysterious mutter. Subaru did not understand but Petelguese heard those words that came out of his mouth in the past, from a different person.
Even the thought behind those words was the same.
Petelguese didn't even spend any time before responding to Subaru's mysterious words. It almost seemed like he was experienced at ignoring the words he didn't understand. Well, Subaru was trying to hurt him with words anyway. Intentions being hostile.
Petelguese's past did not matter to Subaru in the slightest. He was sure he wouldn't like the man he once was. Current Petelguese selfishly chased the Witch for his own sake and no one else's. He held his own insane mad beliefs and he moved with conviction and determination to achieve them. Subaru didn't mind that.
He knew Petelguese should have at least met with her when he wasn't insane and actually started this Cult business. It dated way back after all.
That's why he knew he wouldn't like a Petelguese who justified the things he did and talked as if it was in the name of good or for other people's sake.
That sounded like a certain rat.
"Well… whatever. Let us go, the man rejected by even his own sloth. I will learn more about Satella if I keep an eye on you."
"Saying her name so casually…YOU. ARE. TRULY. The Weird One. But do not get conceited! THE WITCH CAN BE WRATHFUL AS SHE IS MERCIFUL!"
"Nah. I have seen her naked."
"THE LIES! I DO UNDERSTAND, TRULY, I DO! BUT ONE MUST BE CAUTIOUS TO PUT A DISCERNIBLE GAP BETWEEN REALITY AND DELIGHTFUL FANTASY!"
"It was just shadows covering her and the outfit wasn't regenerated, I guess. Touched for a second and the whole thing just cracked and disappeared."
Her boobs were bigger than Emilia's too. Just slightly but it was there. The same thing was apparent with the curve and ass too. It was almost as if Emilia was a downgraded version of the Witch in terms of beauty, soul, and magic.
He is sure they share a connection. Perhaps even the name 'Emilia.'
After all, she wasn't compatible with a name of that kind, which made Subaru wonder about her real name. This is why Subaru was so hesitant on moving forward with the Satella situation.
On one side, he was interested in her, now that he had no one.
On the other, she was a walking red flag. Even more than Emilia…and maybe, perhaps… possibly… Puck.
He hasn't decided about that yet.
As Petelguese shouted about how unacceptable Subaru's dreams were, they headed back to some unknown place.
As Subaru was alone resting on his bed, looking at the emptiness.
He has been summoned.
"Why did you call me? Did you learn something about Satella?" He asked Petelguese. Subaru didn't want to be disturbed.
"AS ALWAYS! You are foolishly muttering her name with carelessness. HOWEVER! I called you for something else…"
"What would that b—- Achkgh!"
What? What's going on? What the? What. What. What?
What is this disgusting feeling?
"Incredible!"
Disgusting.
"Such an impossible fit. It's nothing I've ever experienced. You really are special. I can effortlessly pull SO MANY Hands. THE PROOF OF LOVE! Not just has an incomprehensible affinity with spirits but with SLOTH TOO!"
Disgusting.
Controlling me?
My body?
Me?
Me.
No.
NO!
Get the fuck out of my body!
"AUGH!... That's… what the fuck? How dare you!" Subaru shouted with confused rage after successfully regaining control with his will power.
"Ah… It was so good. I will keep it in mind. Do not worry, It's all for….LOVE! THE WITCH'S GRAND LOVE!"
"..."
As Petelguese slowly went away. He made the mistake of not looking back.
Because if he looked back, he would know that his end was near.
"Nothing…nothing will control me."
—I'll show you.
The sound of the explosion was the end of not only Petelguese but close to fifty Witch Cultists as well.
Petelguese was insanely meticulous. He is a curse to this world for that one reason. That's why Subaru had to be very careful.
That is why he made it look like there was an enemy outside when Natsuki Subaru was inside.
So many explosives and spirits were used to make it look like they were about to be ambushed.
Petelguese, of course, would not just stay in the cave. Instead, he just let some stay in the inner part of the cave system.
Which is exactly what Subaru wanted. The roof of the cave was more sturdy here than closer outside. For many reasons, the way this cave is to the fact that inner parts were reinforced with advanced earth magic. Thanks to being much more underground.
Of course… Subaru literally closed his only escape route too, trapping himself in this cave.
But escaping from a cave was much easier than trapping the man called Petelguese. He was insanely cautious. That's why he just set up an escape beforehand. When he gets out, Natsuki Subaru will bury all the cultists there.
But that was it… he died. He killed an Archbishop of Sin.
"Beloved of the Disciples… how good to see you alive!"
'... Who?'
"What?" No one calls him that but Petelguese, why was this woman suddenly…
"Ah. How slothful! Don't you know that my mission cannot possibly end here? That I AM DOING IT FOR LOVE! I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT GRASPING LOVE! LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE!"
Fuck no. Impossible.
"Don't tell me that you are…"
"Yes! It is me! The believer in LOVE!"
And Subaru throws a knife onto his skull without even allowing himself to feel any emotion but cold, hiding his intent was successful. Petelgeuse was a spirit after all.
"Another corpse of you… you are dead now…right?"
"HOOOOOW! SLOTFUL?!"
"Khhhhhhhggggggggggg!"
He could not breathe.
"Ah… ah…. Even with all that love, to think that you are nothing but a TRAITOR! I should've known…with your METICULOUSNESS! Only YOU could plan this!" Petelguese said those words with true hate. Seemingly exposing his jealousy toward Subaru. Who always knew that.
…
Life slowly drained out of Subaru.
He could not see it.
Something.
Something.
Something is here, choking the life out of him.
Petelguese's sadistic gaze, he could feel it… he was enjoying this.
The visions appeared on Subaru's head. When he was being taught by Reinhard. When he was arguing with Heinkel.
Spoiling Flam and Grassis. Telling stories to them and playing with them.
Unlike the first time he died, Subaru had memories in this world.
….
….
No.
To see it, just like back then…
I shall see it.
Just when he was about to die…
Even if he dies…
Next time, he'll—-
The sound of fire interrupted both Subaru's determination and Petelguese's sadistic enjoyment.
"SPIRIT! HOW!?"
Subaru kept coughing after falling to the ground. This was that spirit. The fire spirit that stuck with him no matter what.
How did she manage to bypass all of Petelgeuse's countermeasures set against spirits and come here?
It was irrelevant.
Subaru holds nothing but a knife.
"It's about time that you die, once and for all." Subaru smiled sickly… he wanted nothing but to kill Petelguese. The way he raped his body and mind… he still did not forget it.
And it's not like he didn't have reasons before. He should've killed him long ago and used his minions as tools to be discarded later.
"You fool. The spirit is dead and now… It's your turn!" The Black Hands that Subaru did not see spread toward him.
Closing. Closing.
It came closer and closer without him knowing. Simply because he could not see. There was no dust here either, not that he didn't think of using that to see those Hands. He should've made more counter measures. Regardless—
Subaru already decided that he would kill Petelguese, no matter what.
He knew that deep down. It's just that he had no goal. He wanted one, he needed one. That's why he chose it, he would kill him. He dashed towards him and he knew that the Unseen Hands were coming too.
There was no way he could survive but even then—
I̴ ̷R̷E̶F̸U̴S̶E̵
With two slashes, he cut the Unseen, now seen, Hands. No—
"You… YOU SEE THEM!? HOW?! PROOF OF MY—"
He pierces Petelguese's brain.
"Hahahahahahahaha!" A mad laugh coming out of Subaru's mind echoed in that cave.
He would win… he would win no matter what he was Natsuki Su—
"Gukhg…" What.
He could see it.
Blood gushed from his chest.
A black Hand came out of it.
And inside of the palm of that black Hand—
His heart.
"How slothful. You acted like her, but you can't back it up?"
"You are… truly."
Slothful.
That was the last word Natsuki Subaru heard with his heart getting crushed before dying a second time in this world.
Nonetheless, Petelguese would die—One day.
He quickly got out of his own void.
He needed some comfort right now, but he decided it would be better if he got it from someone instead of trying to have that in solitude.
Now he reached the place where they would meet.
Subaru didn't care about anything but wanted to have some comfort.
Death wasn't easy. Subaru would not give up. But that didn't mean he didn't feel alone.
He felt the darkness in the place shift… she was coming.
As the shadow rose from below… it took the shape of a woman.
But that was all Subaru could see.
He decided to hear it.
"I love you"
"I love you"
Ah, there it was. Comfort.
But he wanted more. He wanted more.
He would do it.
He would have a body so that all limitations would be lifted.
Pride.
With Pride, he could have it all…
And then—
The girl of shadows witnessed something that should not be possible.
He was gaining one, a body.
Too early. Wasn't meant to be like this. How is this possible?
Those questions and worries appeared and disappeared immediately. Thinking wasn't Satella's strong suit. She just loved him.
There he was… Natsuki Subaru.
Natsuki Subaru.
"I love you"
But she couldn't talk. She could not.
It's almost as if only those two words would come out of her mouth.
HE got close.
So close.
He was about to touch…
The moment Natsuki Subaru touched the beautiful girl covered with shadows, all darkness around her disappeared. Cracked and disappeared into nothingness.
There it was, she was so beautiful.
Subaru adored how her naked body looked, but it wasn't appropriate.
That's why he wished for it.
A dress for her.
Darkness had no choice but to oblige.
A dress with black and orange, showing her snow-white shoulders and feet, amplifying her seductive chest and every part of her femininity.
Subaru wanted her.
Perhaps it was okay to remember her.
"Hey. Why do you love me?" Subaru asked.
He wanted to know.
The girl touched her lips with her very sweet-looking tongue, wettening them.
She spoke.
"I am in love with you. —Because you gave me light. Because you took me by the hand, and taught me the world outside. Because through nights where in solitude I shivered, you kept by my side with your hands around mine. Because, then being alone, by your kiss you told me I wasn't. There are so many things you've given to me. ...And so, I love you. Because you—you gave me everything."
…
That was it.
He was convinced.
If there was someone who loves him this much then it was okay. Common sense be damned. He needed this.
"What… how can I find you? What should I do?!" He raised his voice uncontrollably while putting his hands on her shoulders.
"You must find me and—-
No matter what—
Kill me.
What?
What?
What?
She loves me. She always says she loves me. She tries to touch me sometimes. She loves me right?
Kill her?
What?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHY?
WHY?
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA."
"Huh? Beloved?"
"You don't know my name, do you?"
"Ah…" She looked hurt.
"You…."
"..."
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT HUH?!"
"Haaaa…." She looked scared.
"When I accept you here, where I am at my most vulnerable…you come here, telling me that you love me… every night when I sleep. AND NOW… NOW YOU ASK ME TO KILL YOU?! YOU INSANE SELF-CENTERED STUPID BITCH!
Did you ever consider how I might feel?"
"I… I…"
"No need to say anything, eh? Since you are some big bad, you can just say shit like 'Kill me' is that it? You… you bitch. My heart is fucking cracked. I fucking heard it just now." Subaru slowly dropped himself to the 'ground' and kept his head between his legs. Sobbing while covering his head. Trying to escape from all this… this fucking joke.
For a while that was all there is, she didn't move, she didn't know what to do and Subaru kept sobbing.
And then…
A hand… on his head?
"Do not… touch me."
…
…
"Shh… it's fine everything is gonna be okay." She kept touching him.
"..."
"Let it out." She spoke with her soft voice as if she understood him.
…
"Ahahah….ahahaha."
"Why… Why are you laughing?"
"Because you are all the fucking same. Just like Emilia, you impose your shitty kindness with no thought behind."
The ridiculousness of it all gave Subaru the power to stand on his feet and then—
SLAP!
Satella's world shifted.
She was on the 'ground' with a big red mark on her face.
"Never thought I would ever beat a woman, although do you even count as one? In any case… first time for everything?"
He put himself right above this invader, the baiter who tries to lure him into suffering and bullshit.
There was no telling how much she fucked up the life of the old Natsuki Subaru.
Punch.
Her nose broke.
Punch.
Punch.
Soon, after minutes passed, he got bored. No, more like the more he thought about his and her situation… the more he made resemblances between Puck/Emilia and Petelguese/Satella.
He hated her more and more and punches were no longer enough.
He bit off one of her ears.
He could feel it, this wasn't just hate for him…it was also the Natsuki Subaru of old.
He felt it… there were screams inside of him "Why did you do that?" "Why couldn't you stay as who you are instead of taking the role of 'Goddess'" "What was so wrong with normally helping people?" "Why did you leave me?!"
"Why did you forget about me?!"
"Why did you make Echidna leave me too?!"
"Why did you make her believe that this world is nothing but fragile glass that needed to be protected and coddled like a fucking child?!"
"... couldn't you leave me alone with her?"
He was a receiver of rage from the old times and he transmitted them to Satella… and then, the shadow slowly covered her.
"Getting… healed?"
No.
He would not… he could not just let her stay here.
He didn't give a fuck if she was dead or alive. He just wanted her to go.
As he tried to kick her body to emptiness…
"No! Don't leave me!"
The girl who was taking the role of abused… acted like Subaru NOW did something wrong… until now she received it without ever saying anything.
"So you were using me for your own self-hate? EVEN NOW?!" Now she was making Subaru punish her. That's right. He was still being used by her.
Shadow tendrils appeared trying to bind Subaru, making him come close to Satella.
"NgHh… Fuck NO!" Subaru put his hand inside of Satella's chest… that was where the source of those shadows came from.
But the shadow itself also seemed to know that.
It covered Satella fully, it was the full power of the Witch of Envy, who cannot accept not being with him.
However…
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH."
He ripped the darkness out of her. That was it.
"That's it, it's the end… but before you go let me say one thing."
She looked at him pleadingly.
"Stop using that name. It's not yours, it never was. Not anymore."
All those beatings… hurt and insults for hours.
None of this came close to reaching the damage those words did.
She had the eyes of a corpse.
With that, Subaru kicked her body… kicking her out of this plane of existence. Killing her perhaps.
With that Subaru came out of that place.
LI
Apple…
Apple…
"Hey didn't you hear me? Those are Appas."
He was here again.
After making the same decisions.
Emilia. Puck. Petelguese. Satella.
Over. Over. Over. And over again.
Same fucking mistake, yet expecting a different outcome.
He was an insane piece of shit.
How many times did I surprise you?
Yep. I REALLY hope you like this one. And if you did, I hope you don't mind increasing my numbers. Follow, kudos, favorite and stuff.
And let's talk about the chapter.
First, I NEVER EVER saw anyone doing this dilemma about Return By Death. Subaru may save people's life but in this specific case, he cannot save the 'Emilia' that he is interested to become friends with and willing to forgive. He sees the pointlessness of resetting in that case. If I did my job right, there has to be some of you thought "That's dumb. You can just kill yourself Subaru" when he talked about how there is no way to fix things.
The Witch Cult, joining there shows how fucked up Subaru become in the head. He is unable to trust people and is very cautious. It's been month since he joined. He never did anything terrorist like. Subaru is also branded as heretic because he is so casual with Archbishops. Subaru himself doesn't quite understand why he is branded as one even though he understands understanding Archbishops of Sin isn't a good sign.
The true reason of how even the lunatics see Subaru as a heretic because he gives most of the people PTSD with how much he talks like a certain person. That's what Petelguese in this chapter meant every time he talked about his similarity to someone. At this point it should be obvious…
Reinhard. My fucking masterpiece. Every author holds back on him whether it's for the plot's convenience or outright disrespect. NOT ME. As you can see, he is the strongest there is. Also Reinhard uses English in (1) and I also used (2) as an example how he is way above all Saints. Reid is no exception. I do not respect his abilities that contain mostly asspulls. In my mind Reinhard is way stronger even though Reid is either equal or better in Swordsmanship. Doesn't matter though, Reinhard is smarter, has better reaction and probably understanding of someone like Reid. My thoughts is that he would murder Reid if there were to be a fight.
Also I do not know if you caught it but Reinhard calls Great Mabeasts Gluttony. That's the courtesy of Subaru. He figured that obvious thing out.
I really agonized over how to write him. But I think I did a good job. I also added bits about Flam and Grassis who adore Subaru and the feeling is mutual. We will see the abilities and knowledge gained by Subaru in this long ass loop throughout this story. But he also made relationships. And broke Felix and Crusch's pride.
Subaru really doesn't want to be near any candidate at this point. LoL.
I hope I did Emilia well, her possessive self came out in her last moments. But it had no hostility. Think of it like her wish to be with Subaru. She actually falls in love with him there. Though Subaru didn't fall in love with her. She absolutely detest everyone that supported her one way or another. That was how her life was about to end but Subaru saved her from that. I hope you got somewhat emotional.
And yes, Subaru talked with Regulus and ignored Petelguese burning people and destroying them. Subaru doesn't know about wives though… I wonder if he would let them suffer? Hmm. Who knows?
Oh and Petra is dead. Arlam is massacred. Subaru knows it.
Satella… yeah she fucking deserved it. I don't give a damn. This makes 100x more sense than canon. That's what happens when you make someone accept you by you saying some empty kind words since they are not in the right head and you just tell them to kill you. Subaru should've been emotionally fucked for that betrayal not just wow to save her. Gotta make a short fic about that one day…
I also foreshadowed Subaru's meeting with every candidate through something in this chapter once again. Hard as the previous one I guess. I wonder if anyone can find it this time. Actually, this one is harder than the previous one but it wasn't intentional unlike the previous one anyway.
We are slowly coming to the end of arc 1…AFTER 50K WORDS. I think 2 chapters left. There are some crazy shit in this chapter that never done before. Some is obvious and some isn't. I hope you can find all of them and tell me in the reviews.
In any case! Starmegalo out.