Chapter 15: New Year's Eve
It's New Year's Eve. Harvey spends the morning doing some work from home; Donna lounges around in her pajamas reading pregnancy and baby books. It makes Harvey smile to see her taking her typically organized approach to it all, brow furrowed in concentration as she marking up the books with highlighters and post-its, and adds things to research or buy to her already long to do list.
They've had a lovely few days just spending time together, and have managed to move past Harvey's ill-thought-through proposal fairly well. Mainly they've just been hanging out: cooking, going for walks and watching movies.
They've also been sorting out paperwork for the new house. And they went to a maternity store and picked up a few work dresses, as 90 percent of Donna's figure-hugging work dresses will no longer fasten up, and that's only going to get worse. Harvey felt a bit like a fish out of water, but he always loves watching Donna shopping: she looks stunning in everything she tries on, and her enthusiasm, as ever, is infectious.
So for once, Harvey isn't spending the holidays bored and itching to go back to the office, and it makes a nice change.
Going their separate ways at bedtime feels frustrating and a little sad for both of them, but there is a tacit agreement that they will stick with their agreement, and not give into temptation.
They don't have plans for New Year's. Mike and Rachel have reconciled, and want to spend time together, just the two of them. Louis is having a cat-themed costume party, and has sent them both multiple texts urging them to come along. It sounds hilarious and terrible in equal parts, but they decline as Donna can't drink and she's tired. Instead, they decide they'll make a nice dinner, wait up till midnight to watch the fireworks from Harvey's terrace, then head straight to bed.
It's early evening, and Donna has just taken a bath while Harvey goes out for a jog. She decides fuck it, she is wearing pajamas. Although it's winter, pregnancy seems to have made her permanently hot, and she chooses a vest top and a pair of loose pajama pants.
She feels a little guilty for not dressing up. Normally she loves a celebration, and she likes observing the effect she has on Harvey when she goes all out. But she just wants to be comfortable, and figures this year she has a valid excuse.
Walking through the lounge, she catches sight of herself in a large mirror, and is struck by the unfamiliarity of her own appearance. Her bump has suddenly really popped out, her boobs are massive, and there's no mistaking she's pregnant now. She's fascinated, and stands there, examining her body from all angles.
She hears the door open and shut, and Harvey enters the room. She looks up and smiles at his reflection in the mirror. They pause for a moment, taking each other in: Harvey is hot and sweaty, with his jogging top clinging to his chiselled physique and uncharacteristic stubble shadowed along his jaw; Donna, with her abundant new curves, has her hair piled up in a messy bun and is flushed from her bath. Time seems to stand still, as unsaid words, unexpressed feelings, unfulfilled desire weighs heavily between them.
Harvey walks towards Donna, maintaining eye contact in the mirror. He wraps his arms around her middle, drawing her close, and gently rests his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling into her shoulder. In deference to the fact that they're not that, he stops short of pressing kisses into the crook of her neck, as he is burning to do. They're skating the boundaries of friendship, trying not to cross.
"Definitely pregnant, huh," he murmurs, sliding his hands up and down the sides of her bump, stopping just short of cupping the heavy globes of her breasts, od running his thumbs over her nipples, the outline of which are temptingly visible through her thin top. He can feel the rapid drum of her heartbeat, her quickening breath.
"I guess so. It's weird. Nice." She looks down at her bump, puts her hands lightly on top of his and nestles into him closer.
"It suits you," he says with sincerity. They both look up and smile at each other again in the mirror.
Realising that they're heading for trouble, Donna breaks the spell. "Urgh, you're all sweaty, you know, mister." She wriggles out of his grasp.
"You love it," he grins. I'll just go grab a shower, then we can start on dinner."
After about ten minutes, Donna heads over to the kitchen and starts washing the vegetables. There's a knock at the door.
Feeling a little undressed for visitors, she pulls on a cardigan, and heads over to answer it.
It's Jessica.
"Donna?" she looks her up and down, taking in her nightwear. And her bump. She raises an eyebrow.
"Jessica. This is a surprise." says Donna, her heart plummeting, as she stands aside and gestures for her to come in.
"Evidently," she replies, stepping inside, her face impassive.
Harvey emerges, wrapped only in a towel.
"Donna? Did I just hear… Shit. Jessica."
"Harvey. Great to see you too," she says with heavy sarcasm.
"I'll… Just go and…"
He dives into the bedroom.
"Jessica. Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, I'm not staying. I'm on my way to a party." Jessica sounds dangerously polite. "I hadn't seen Harvey in the office this week. It's unlike him, and I wanted to check that he was ok. It seems that he is. And in fact, that congratulations are in order?"
Donna inclines her head. She feels like a naughty kid caught out by the headmistress. Which was exactly why she wanted to tell Jessica before the holidays, she thinks with frustration.
"And when do we expect the happy event?"
"Early June."
"Well I'm delighted for you both. It will be the making of Harvey."
Harvey emerges, dressed, and looking ever so slightly defiant. Just at that moment, Donna's phone rings, and she excuses herself from what has the makings of an extremely awkward conversation.
"Harvey. This is unexpected."
"It is?"
"It is. You were with Scottie not five minutes ago, and Donna was with Stephen. And everybody in the office knows it."
"And why is that relevant?"
Jessica's irritated, her mask of calm slipping. "Don't play dumb, Harvey. You know how this looks. At least tell me that you're in this for the long haul? That there are wedding bells on the horizon?"
There's an uncomfortable pause.
"That the two of you are at least together?"
"I don't see why it's anyone's goddamn business if we're together or not!"
"It's my business. As I've told you before Harvey, when you date at work, you make it literally my business. And you know how people will talk. I can think of more than one client who will have an issue with this, if it gets out. We're donors to TIME'S UP, Harvey, as are several of your clients. How the hell do you think this looks?"
"You know very goddamn well that this is not that," says Harvey, raising his voice.
"Of course I do. But everyone else hasn't had a front row seat while you ignore what's right in front of your goddamn face for the last decade, Harvey. And I need to protect my firm. So I'm going to ask again, are you together?"
"We're not together," admits Harvey reluctantly.
Jessica sighs. "How do you explain the cosy domestic scene that I stumbled upon tonight then?"
He shrugs. "We're friends."
"You and Donna have never been just friends. For years you paid her salary out of your own goddamn pocket, for heavens' sake. Who does that for a friend? And people generally don't get their friends pregnant Harvey!"
Donna re-enters. Harvey hopes she didn't hear Jessica's comment about her salary.
"Harvey has just been explaining your unusual situation, Donna," says Jessica, with a tight smile. "We need to think about how to handle this."
"Well I can tell you what's not going to happen! She's not going to work for Louis or anyone else," Harvey snaps, going on the offensive.
"And who suggested that she should? That would only add fuel to the rumors that will be flying around. You need to get out in front of this, make an announcement before anyone notices and gets to wondering. You're together, you're delighted, and it's happily ever after."
"But Jessica, did Harvey tell you? We're not…" interjects Donna.
"Yes, he did," interrupts Jessica. But whatever bullshit you're telling yourselves and each other, as far as the office goes, you very much are. My other option is to discipline Harvey for breaching the by-laws for engaging in a relationship with an employee in his direct chain of command. I can overlook that for true love, but not for knocking up your secretary, Harvey. And I'm not suspending my top performer, so this is how it has to be, and I need you both on board with it.
"I'll call a partners' meeting on Monday morning and we will make the announcement then. I'm going to leave the two of you now to whatever this is. Have a good night."
Jessica turns and leaves.
Harvey turns away from Donna, and slams his fist on the counter.
"Harvey, look at me."
"He turns around, his face white."
"Are you ok?"
"No, Donna, I'm not fucking ok. Jessica is giving me all the shit for this, and it's not my goddamn fault we're not married."
"That's not fair, Harvey. You were offering an empty wedding ceremony. Not a real relationship."
He turns away, knowing deep down that she's right.
Donna swallows down her irritation with him. She can see he is hurt, and reacts as usual by attacking. She tentatively takes a step closer, and rubs calming circles on his back. "Just keep going with your therapy, OK?"
He nods.
"We need to be on the same side."
"I know."
They make dinner, and both gradually calm down and re-establish their equilibrium.
Just before midnight, they head out onto the balcony, the Times Square countdown on the TV audible from the lounge. At midnight, Harvey kisses Donna tenderly, seizing his chance to do so without being told off. They break apart, and he holds her close to keep her warm as they watch the fireworks and toast what promises to be an exciting year of great change with a glass of sparkling fruit juice.
"Next year we'll have Sharky. We'll be in the new house. And we can toast with something a little stronger, the three of us. I meant no champagne for the baby, but you get what I mean."
"Are six month olds generally awake at midnight?" wonders Donna.
"I have no fucking idea," he gives a lopsided smile.
"Me neither."
"I was hoping you'd bail me out. All those baby books you're reading." He pauses. "I can't really imagine it, can you? What it'll be like."
She shakes her head. It makes her happy that he's assuming they'll be spending the evening together as a family.
When the fireworks start to thin out, they head to bed in their separate rooms, but ten minutes later, Donna crawls into bed alongside him and snuggles into him.
"Hey you, what's up?"
"It's our last night together before work starts. I wanted to make the most of it."
He is suddenly alert. "Donna! Do you mean...?"
"Keep it in your pants, Specter! I'm just here for a friendly cuddle."
She snuggles in to him and he's quickly asleep. She takes a little longer to drop off, turning over something that she half overhead Jessica say about Harvey paying her salary. That couldn't be true, could it? Why would he? She didn't want to rock the boat any further tonight, but she mentally files the question, to return to it at a later date.