Ola, it's moi again. Just a quick note, I have taken yet another historical liberty (shocking not) and it is about how weddings were back then, I put a 'modern' spin to it. You may find that the actual part of the wedding is a bit short but I think we already had a awkward dance between the two so I didn't want to repeat myself. Recently reread bits of 'To Sir Phillip with Love" and I just wanted to say that my Phillip is different than the one in the book and I don't mean to suggest mine is better (he is not) but just want to point out that this Phillip has a slightly different character. Also I gave given this Chapter a very cliché title so sorry about that.

"Penelope..."

"Yes?".

"Will you let go of me now please?".

"Just a little more if that is alright".

"You've been holding me for ten minutes".

"I think it's more but who's counting..." said Penelope prompting Marina to laugh.

Penelope released her grip on Marina and stood back, intertwining her hands with her friend.

"I am so happy to see you Marina," Penelope beamed..

"Likewise, Pen," Marina stated sincerely.

"I wish you had brought Oliver with you!" Penelope said.

"Oh I would have loved to but he was fast asleep when I left but I will not leave London without you seeing him" Marina smiled

"You better not" Penelope smiled.

"Now, come let us sit. Mother and Prudence are not at home so we can talk to her hearts content".

Penelope called the butler who then brought in some refreshments and tea.

"Thank you Crenshaw" said Penelope then served the tea and handed Marina some biscuits on a plate. Penelope poured into a cup and handed it to Marina, along with a slice of cake and some chocolates.

"So how have you been? What's it like being back in London? What is Romney Hall like? And how is little Oliver? I wish you had brought him along" and so Penelope rattled on and on until she suddenly stopped.

"Oh dear... Look at me rambling on with my questions. So sorry, I don't mean to be nosy." Exclaimed Pen a bit flustered.

"No dearest Pen, you are not nosy at all. I will answer your questions", Marina replied with a smile.

How was she doing? Not particularly well. What's it like being back in London again? Difficult yet nice on the other hand. Romney Hall is... a place she preferred not to talk about.

So, Marina lied about everything but Oliver, because after all, Oliver was doing fine unlike his mother.

"How is Sir Crane?", Penelope followed up with.

"He is well and sends his regards" Marina said with a small smile.

"That is kind of him, be sure to extend mine too" Penelope stated.

"I will", promised Marina.

The two chatted about anything and everything a while before Penelope got a hesitant look on her face, as if she wanted to say something but didn't quite dare.

"Marina" she began awkwardly.

"Forgive me if I'm too forward... but I just want to know if you're okay. I have been worried about you ever since you left, and you are not exactly forthcoming in your letters.. ... Is... he treating you well? Are you happy? " Penelope asked with a hesitant look.

This was a question where Marina was silenced for a moment, and it took her a while to answer.

"Sir Crane... is kind to me and Oliver," she said to which Penelope then responded with relief.

It was the truth, Phillip had treated her well, she couldn't lie about that. It had been upstanding behaviour and him that he had accepted her both her and her child but there were days when she wished he had not. She appreciated that Phillip had taken them in but it felt to her like she was living in a golden cage; not because she had no freedom of movement but it felt like she didn't belong at Romney Hall. That it wasn't her place and should never have been.

Marina didn't know how she had made it through the first year. It was as if she had lived in a permanent haze, first losing George, then giving birth to her child on her own, moving to an unknown location, she had felt so, so alone. For the first few weeks at Romney Hall, she had cried herself to sleep constantly.

And then there was Phillip, who seemed to be as lost as she was, now having to deal with a woman who came out of nowhere and changed his life after losing his brother and father. She realised all too well that George's death had uprooted not only Marina's life but also Phillip's and she felt a twinge of guilt over her part of the story.

He hadn't shown it but he had to feel resentment towards her, she suspected early on .She hadn't been his wife to marry; that should have been that Minnie at Mrs Hawkes' ball. She had never seen him so happy as when he danced with her. There had been a stab of misguided jealousy which she had then tucked away deep down because it made no sense.

Phillip owed her nothing. They were not even husband and wife in the common sense of the word, they had not even consummated marriage. She had been terrified after the little church ceremony was performed that Phillip would require her to sleep with him but to her happiness, Phillip made no move, explained that they would have separate rooms, much to her relief.

They began to lead lives of their own, apart from their awkward meetings at the breakfast and dinner table because most of the time Phillip preferred to have lunch in his green house, if the weather conditions were right. When it was too cold, Phillip consumed lunch in his study, she suspected.

Interactions at the table were polite but cool. On both sides. She didn't know if this had to do with action versus reaction, but it was clear that things were not working out between them.

When she spoke, she did her best not to look at him because looking at him was too painful. Seeing him only reminded her of George, he probably did not realise it but the two were remarkably similar even though they differed on certain key points. George had blue eyes, Phillip green. George was more muscular and taller than Phillip who in turn was a bit leaner.

However, unbeknownst to Phillip Marina suspected, they had a lot in common, they also spoke almost in the same tone. The same way of speaking. The same intonation. The same twinkle in their eyes when smiling, though she had seen him do that little so far, apart from Mrs Hawkes' ball.

The status quo or just holding everything back had driven them to a point which was inescapable and during their argument, things had been said from both sides, irritations and grudges had been expressed that had long bothered them both.

When Marina saw him the next morning, in the same clothes as the night before, it did not take her long to connect the dots and conclude that he had been to the brothel. She did not know why it had bothered her. It was none of her business what he did, and wo with and she should have realised that a man had certain needs. After all, he wasn't sleeping with her so... it shouldn't have surprised her that Phillip had to find.. 'relief' somewhere else.

She was not naive. She knew extremely well where lust could lead but it had been loving that had brought her and George together and desire had been a consequence of it. That first time, he had been sweet and tender to her and concerned that she was not in pain.

Ah George had always been sweet to her. It was so odd but her love for George had not abided. It was funny that all the cliches regarding grief were true. A piece of her had died with him that day as well as the future she had envisioned with him, as if these had suddenly gone up in smoke.

Yet despite being angry with him, he had left her, no them behind, the love from her side was not over. She would always love him, no matter what. Marina still often remembered the loving looks he gave her, the way he kissed her, gentle but also insistent, how he pulled her into deep embrace and murmured sweet things in her ear.

The memory was alive and well, but George wasn't. Bitter reality caught up with Marina, reminded her that he wasn't there anymore and never would be and no matter how many times she tried to hold on to illusions and memories, a glance out of the window reminded her of where she was now.

Penelope changed the subject and asked Marina if it had been difficult to live in the countryside after having resided in cities for most of her life.

"To be honest, I can't say it didn't take time to adjust yet however the countryside does offer some advantages. It is a lot quieter for one. I also appreciate being out in nature more, I never thought I would, but I love clearing my head by talking walks in the forest."

"That sounds lovely, Marina," Penelope replied.

"It is, listen you must come to visit me please. I would welcome the company of a dear friend", Marina suggested.

"I would love to but I don't think Mama would give permission," Penelope said with an uncertain look.

Ah Portia Featherington, of course, the grand obstacle. She got a bitter taste in her mouth at the thought of Portia. On the other hand, Marina knew that Portia, in her way, had had her best interests at heart, even when she had taken Marina to the slums to show her what her life awaited her if she did not find a man to wed in the upcoming weeks.. There was genuine concern for her condition and that of her baby but... she had not felt welcome in the house. Prudence and Philippa had seen her as competition, Marina had quickly become someone who had attracted the attention of the male side of the upper class, to Marina's surprise herself, and had reacted coolly. Portia sided with them of course, had preferred the attention to go to her daughters rather than this niece of her husband whom she herself had never known. Things only got worse when Lord Featherington died, and Portia could not bear to feed an extra mouth.

She suspected that her secret had been passed on and had reached Lady Whistledown's ears via Portia or Mrs Varley. Marina was not so naive as to believe that servants did not gossip about those they worked for. Anyway, when the scandal broke, Portia Featherington had conveniently already sent Phillip a letter, prompting him to visit not much longer after that.

"Tell you what. I'll send a letter to her before I leave or maybe I'll see her next time here and will plead our case. It would be nice if you would drop by, maybe you can bring your friend Eloise too".

Penelope's eyes grew big on hearing this suggestion.

"Oh Marina, that would be delightful," she beamed.

"I agree so just leave it to me. I'll do my best to convince your mother", Marina smiled.

" Speaking of Bridgerton's" remarked Marina and she didn't have to finish the sentence because Penelope knew exactly who she was talking about.

Penelope looked down at her dress and began fidgeting with the pleads of her dress.

"He just got back from Greece. I wrote him a few letters and he wrote back," Penelope explained in a soft voice.

Ah how wonderful and awful love was at the same time, Marina thought to herself, and especially unrequited love. She was the only one to notice, Portia was too busy looking for matches for her daughters, Prudence and Phillipa and those two mentioned were too self-absorbed to notice but Marina did.

She noticed the way Penelope lit up in the presence of Colin Bridgerton. An awkward silence engulfed the room and Penelope did her best to be as nonchalant as possible and sipped her tea a few times before sighing softly.

"Penelope" Marina began carefully

"I say this as your friend so please don't take it the wrong way but... I wouldn't pin all my hopes on Colin. I mean perhaps there are others who might be interested. I would leave all possibilities open so to speak".

Penelope laughed and shook her head.

"What possibilities Marina? It's not like suitors are breaking down the door to storm in " she said with a wry smile, pointing towards the door to emphasise her words.

"That doesn't mean that it will always be this way.".

"You are a dear friend to me, Marina but I urge you to be more realistic. I have been on the marriage mart for a few years now and nobody has shown any interest, let alone they would now ", Penelope remarked matter-of-factly.

"Something tells me.. you are sorely mistaken, and I will be proven right", (Writers note: Shameless reference/advertisement to/for 'Intention', my Lord Fife and Penelope fic).

Marina expressed with determination yet at this sentence causing Penelope burst into laughter.

"Sorry I don't mean laugh at you, but the thought just seems so unrealistic. I've really missed your sense of humour" Penelope said with a wink.

Phillip Crane did not feel at ease, and he had felt since he had arrived in London. He did not like it, there were carriages everywhere, the streets were full of people and there was noise everywhere. Everywhere. It didn't take long for him to miss the quiet of the countryside and he wondered what people liked about living on a big city like this at all. Sure, there were undoubtedly more fun things to do as in the countryside but Phillip was of the opinion that you didn't necessarily have to be in a city to experience fun, after all, you could do that anywhere. You just had to have the right people around you, he thought.

But the 'right people' aka George were no longer around. He knew quite well, Phillip suspected, that he was the 'light of the party' everywhere he went but he didn't brag about it. That was how George was, someone without a shred or arrogance, though he was smart, handsome, and charming. His brother was one of those few people who had 'everything' so to speak. The grief was still immense no matter how deep Phillip tucked it away, there was no escaping it.

There were also feelings that were less honourable, like resentment. There were days when Phillip felt his brother had messed up his life, altered his plans. Phillip had obviously thought about getting married too but had wanted to postpone the decision for a few more years, just because he could. He felt, despite his age, he might just not be ready yet. Anyway... the plan was to get married though and then to someone he loved and vice versa, in due course. However, nothing came of that and he was now stuck with someone who despised him to the bone.

He tried not to think about it anymore and besides Phillip had come to Club Avenue, a new gentlemen's club to meet Alain. It was a new establishment, he had heard. The room he found himself in was large and housed several tables and chairs, a pool table, a mini library and a large fireplace. There were also other rooms, he had understood, that you could rent and they had more privacy, Phillip had an inkling of what could be going on in those rooms but he did not ask further.

His attention was caught by a group of men sitting a few metres away. There were four of them sitting together at the table, feasting on entrees and cognac. He had heard the butler greet them as 'Welcome Viscount' and had heard something along the lines 'Bridgeton or Bridgerton'. The two other gentlemen who had followed him looked like him and Phillip suspected they were brothers. They were accompanied by the Duke of Hastings, a man Phillip had seen once, at a wedding many years ago, when he was not yet a duke. The four men were talking jovially to each other and often roared with laughter, causing many a visitor to look back and see what is going on.

A twinge of envy went through Phillip. How privileged these men were. The only friend he had known besides his brother was Alain Delacour.

"Mon ami", he heard someone say in the distance and when he looked in the direction from where it came today he saw Alain walking towards. Phillip stood up and with Alain halfway and held out his hand to Alain who grabbed it and then pulled it towards him, causing the two old classmates to fall into an embrace.

"It's good to see you," Alain said in English with a heavy French accent.

"And you" Phillip said smiling after they then briefly let go of each other.

Alain was about the same height as Phillip, but the comparison ended there. He had his git black hair tightly combed back with the requisite gel in it. Not much had changed in that respect, Alain apparently still made sure he was groomed to perfection, his sophisticated suit being one example. Other than that, his grin was the same and the friendliness radiating from his brown eyes was still like their days at Eton.

"How have you been, Phillip? " Alain asked once they were seated.

"Alright, thank you. And you? Thank you for the invitation for the wedding, looking forward to being there."

"Of course, I had to invite you. I know we haven't seen each other often in the last few years but I consider you to be one of my good friends".

"Likewise," smiled Phillip.

"You haven't changed much at all," Alain remarked.

"Neither have you," Phillip noted.

"Nonsense I am much more handsome now then I was then" Alain quipped.

"Hey. Do you remember me scaring Mr. Crenshaw with putting a frog in in his drawer," Alain lamented.

Phillip laughed at the recollection. Poor Mr Crenshaw had totally lost his mind and was so startled that he had immediately left the classroom.

"He didn't like that very much," Phillip remarked.

"No but I did" Alain said with a grain.

"Now Sir Crane, I demand to know.. When did you get married and why wasn't I aware of it?", Alain inquired.

"Well, ehm.. it all happened very quickly," Phillip explained.

"Really so how how did you guys meet?" Alain wanted to know.

"Through... George."

"Oh... so she was a friend of his and she introduced you", Alain concluded.

"Not exactly", Phillip said. He reached for his drink to take some courage.

"She was George's intended", Phillip stated awkwardly to which Alain's mouth fell open in surprise.

"What!?."

And Phillip explained and explained, told Alain all about the last couple of years and how they had been. He told about Marina and Oliver, how he had no other option than to marry her but that their relationship was strained and been so from the beginning. It felt so good to confide in someone, it felt like a relief to him, and he spoke about everything and anything until his mouth went dry.

" I am sorry" Alain said with a sigh. "Why didn't you write to me. I couldn't have come but I could have offered you support".

" I think it honestly didn't occur to me. George's death was such a huge blow to me, and I couldn't think properly for a long time".

"I understand completely. Just know that you can count on me in the future especially since I am going to live in London permanently, shorter distance than France I tell you".

"Really. I am surprised are not planning to drag you back to Paris. Seeing as they never were the biggest Anglophiles to begin with and it was your uncle that send you to Eton, not them", Phillip joked.

"Oh, they would like to drag me back but I 'm staying here for now", Alain smiled.

"Speaking of your parents. How is your mother doing?", Phillip wanted to know.

"Much better, luckily. We are all happy to still have her around, but she gave us quite a fright. We nearly lost her. It was a horrible time."

"I can only imagine. I am glad to hear to hear she is doing well, and I am looking forward to meeting her as well as your fiancé.. who you haven't told me about so far so... get on with it already," Phillip joked.

Alain said he had met Claudette while on holiday in Paris and it had been love at first sight for both of them. They had traveled back and forth for a while until Alain decided to move to London and propose to her.

"And that is why I am married this Saturday.. It is strange though, the thought of getting married. It is such a big event in one's life you know" Alain stated.

"Do you have doubts, about marrying?" Phillip wanted to know but Alain shook his head.

"Not at all. I know she is the one for me," Alain said with determination.

"That is great. I am happy for you, my friend."

After a few hours of reminiscing, laughing, and discussing England vs France and whose art and history had influenced the world more, it was time to part ways. Alain shook Phillip's hand and gave him a gentle nudge on the arm.

"See you Saturday" Alain stated cheerfully

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Phillip lied because if he was honest, he was dreading the event and for reasons that were quite valid.

He had been right. It had not been a pleasant evening and there seemed to be no end to it. He didn't know exactly what was worse, watching two madly in love all evening and feeling a jolt of jealousy, or the fact that Marina was doing her utmost to ignore him as best she could and denying him a dance and doing so in a rather fierce way which drew attention.

It was even worse than at the ball where they had also been forced to go. Phillip was now in the company of Alain and the male part Delacour family who had greeted him warmly and Marina was with the bride's family, the Stevens.

She did not feel comfortable, he could tell because she obviously did not know anyone and so only sat down in her own seat shortly afterwards. He noticed looking down at her lap, as if she found it difficult to look up. When she felt his eyes on her she looked up for a moment and Phillip saw tears in her eyes and he understood he understood very well what those tears were for, for a wedding that had never happened

She then stood up quickly and he watched her walk away He kept thinking for a moment whether he should follow her or not, Phillip could imagine he was the last person he would have wanted to see but something inside him said he should go after her.

He could not find her at first until he found her, in the Stevens' gallery. She was sitting on a bench and her shoulders were quivering with crying. She brought her handkerchief to her eyes, in a vain attempt to quelch the tears but it was in vain.

Marina was so lost in her thoughts that she had not noticed him coming in. Once she looked up at him, she quickly turned away from him again, stood up, wiped away her tears and walked past him without giving him any attention.

The rest of the evening was equally miserable, and Phillip was glad it had come to an end. He said goodbye to Alain and promised to visit him more often, in turn inviting Phillip back to visit him.

The carriage journey was arduous, London's traffic was atrocious, another reason to prefer living in the countryside. Once she arrived at the manor, she hurried out with the intention of rushing towards her room, but it was Phillip's words that stopped her.

"You are not the only one that misses him, Marina". It had come out suddenly, for no reason or just because, Phillip didn't really know but the damage was done.

Marina slowly turned to face Phillip and waited.. to see what he would say.

"He was my brother and I miss him every day. I wish he were here with you... instead of me, I wish I had died instead of him, Marina. I wish I had, then you would have been happy and not so miserable. I am so sorry for you and Oliver. So sorry" he repeated, his voice faltering nearing the end.

Phillip gave her a brief nod in farewell, then swallowed away the lump in his throat and passed her then went up the stairs and straight to his room, leaving a bewildered Marina behind.

They stayed in London for another day and then returned home, in separate carriages, as on the outward journey. Life at Romney Hall resumed as usual, they ignored each other, Phillip preferring to stay all day in his study or his green house. When they did run into each other, cordiality would thankfully return but that was about it.

One day Phillip was again avoiding her... er in his greenhouse busying himself with some new plants until he heard a knock on the door. It would be the butler he suspected but when he opened the door it was Marina...

"May I come in?" she inquired with a timid voice.

"Of course," he replied, still a little disconcerted. She cautiously walked in with a downcast look and said nothing for a few moments.

"Is something the matter. with Oliver or you?" asked Phillip worriedly.

"No. Nothing is amiss. I just wanted to say something to you" she said in a voice that almost faltered.

Phillip gazed at her tensely and was curious about what was to come, this was either to be bad or worse than that, he could sense it.

"About what you said to me, that you wished you had died instead of George.."

She paused for a moment before continuing

"Don't say that you wished you had died instead of George. He wouldn't have wanted that. I didn't tell you till now but he was very fond of you and loved you very much. It would have pained him to know you feel this way. I know it would have so don't say that again.".

Phillip still couldn't say anything, too perplexed to speak.

"I just wanted to mention that to you" she spoke and then sighed as if relieved.

" Th... Thank you" stammered Phillip. She gave him a polite, letter smile and then left the green house, this time leaving behind a bewildered Phillip.

For a moment, he did not know what to do with himself and had to compose himself. This had been their friendliest interaction so far and he had appreciated it. And it had brought out something in him again, a feeling that he tried with all his might to suppress but couldn't, that overtook him at the most inopportune moments, like at Alain's wedding where he had noticed about her was how beautiful she looked in her dark blue dress, how many women had stared at her in envy and how the men had done so too but with other intentions.

He couldn't help but his eyes fell on the bodice, and he noticed how it accentuated her 'curves.' His eyes roamed further, unwillingly but somehow being able to stop, lower, from her neck to.. her chest.

As he saw her bosom, Phillip had experienced something that he suppressed almost immediately but failed to so instead he had sped out of the venue and sought a breath of fresh air before eventually returning.

Phillip was trying to concentrate on his gardening but failing. Marina's words were grinding through his head and any attempt at doing something productive was for naught. So, he gave up and then went back to his house, to his bedroom and gave the butler orders not to disturb him for an hour or two.

It was then in his bedroom, in his bed, that he finally realised what he had not wanted to realise for so long.

Phillip Crane coveted his brothers former fiancé.

May God help him, for he was going to need help badly.